Trigger Warning:

This chapter and the next one will talk about

postpartum depression (PPD)

I have no experience with PPD but I have know some people who have..

If you have anything you'd like for me to change or add.

PM me. I'm always up for learning more about it, and how to make it more real.

Melanie woke up in the middle of the night, and looked around.

Harlan smiled slightly seeing her awake, he got up from his chair, and walked over to her. "Good to see you are awake."

"What.." She looked around more, and smiled slightly. "Hey."

"You gave us a scare." He pulled her in for a hug.

Melanie softened slightly and hugged him back. "What happened?" She cleared her throat.

"You still had a piece of placenta inside. I had to do a D&C to removed it. You're going to be sore for a few days." He felt her head, "Still got a little bit of a fever. You're on antibiotics because of the infection."

Melanie sighed. "Wow." She sat back and rubbed her face. "Kids okay?"

"They are doing good. Negan and Rick are with them now. Negan should be here soon.." Harlan sat down. "Sarah, Chaity and Ford are doing good. Twins are being good also." He smiled, watching her. "How are you doing?"

Melanie frowned, she wasn't sure how to answer. "Not sure." She muttered, looking down. "Just not myself."

"At the house, you said you said you were feeling like..not a good mom?"

"I don't. I yelled at the kids, and they have been fighting, the twins are just...I don't know colicky i guess. They all seemed to have just been giving me a run for my money." she let out a slight laugh, looking down. "Just snapping at them for stupid stuff…" She looked up at him, and wiped her eyes, he handed her a tissue. "Thank you." She wiped her eyes more, and sighed. " I love my kids - I love them all…Just really hard to pretend to be happy, and energetic to keep up with them.."

Harlan watched her and nodded. Negan walked in and stood by the door, keeping quiet. "It's exhausting having them so close together. It's hard a time." He sat back in the chair. "Have you had thoughts of harming them?"

Melanie shook her head. "No, not at all. I couldn't do that to them, I love them so much.." She bit her lip. "Just really tired all the time, and wanting to sleep when I can.. Just depressed.."

Harlan nodded. "Sorry, Melanie. I have to ask it." He shifted in his seat. "Have you felt this way with Charity or Ford?"

"Charity no I felt… really happy.." She played with the tissue. "Ford, I did feel that way for a while.."

Negan came over and sat down with her. "I'm sorry. I didn't see the signs before." He sighed. "She had it for about 3 months after Ford was born.." He looked at Harlan, then back at Melanie. "I'm sorry sweetness…"

Melanie sighed and nodded. "I had Lucille to talk to also… That helped a lot." Lucille lived for 5 months after Ford was born.

"It's normal to have postpartum depression with one child and the next not have it. Talking about it does help a lot." Harlan smiled. "Let us be the ones to listen."

Melanie looked up and nodded. "Just I'm sorry I yelled at you and Negan. I didn't mean it." She sighed.

"It's okay." Harlan patted her leg.

Negan rubbed her back, watching her.

"It didn't help you where sick either." Harlan sighed. "I'm sorry you where going through all that pain alone, on top of everything.."

"It's okay.."

"No Melanie. It isn't." Negan sighed. "We should have been around to help you." He rubbed her back more. "How long have you been feeling this way?"

"About two weeks.." She sighed softly. "I wanted….to ask Maggie or Paul...or anyone for help when you guys were gone….I….I just couldn't.." She looked down tearing up more. " I thought I could handle it on my own...I felt guilty asking for help...I know winter will be here soon, and everyone is trying to stock up on food, and making sure the fence is done..."

"Melanie. Just because we are getting ready for winter, doesn't mean we couldn't have helped you." Harlan rubbed her hand.

She closed her eyes and nodded. "Just felt horrible for asking help…"

"We are here for you." Harlan looked at Negan. "You can always ask for help, you don't need to worry about any of that stuff..We love those kids."

Melanie nodded and smiled a little. "So I'm not a shitty mom?"

"Hell no." Negan smiled.

"Absolutely not." Harlan smiled. "It'll get better. If therapy doesn't seem to help….medication is always an option.."

She gave a slight nod. "I'm still sorry for yelling at you both...the Kids.." She tossed her tissue in the garbage. "You guys... dont deserve it.. You both do a lot for the kids.."

"We deserved it." Negan laughed slightly. "We should have radioed in and told you what happened. Paul said he told you we'd be home at 6… We didn't get home until close to 4 AM…. We could have at least let you know.."

Melanie sniffed and nodded. "It's okay." She pulled them both in for a hug. "I love you both." She knew it sounded odd, but it was true.

Harlan smiled. "Love you too."

Negan remained quiet. "Love you Mel's."

They both were not sure where they stood with Melanie.

They both love her.