Melanie cried a lot mostly at night, and slept in Negan's old shirts, but not more than once in a row, she didn't want to lose his scent, she kept his cologne sprayed on them, and on her wrist. She put it back on the desk, and sat down looking in the mirror and did her hair.
She was actually leaving the house, and going out, granted it was to the town hall for the monthly meeting lead by the counsel.
She walked downstairs, and heard the kids laughing, and playing. Harlan was cooking eggs for breakfast. The smell of the onions he was using with them was nauseating along with the ham he was frying up for breakfast. She stopped at the top step, turned around and went back upstairs to the bathroom.
She grabbed a pregnancy test, and used it. She laid it on the counter, and zipped up her jeans.
"Breakfast!" Harlan shouted from downstairs. He smiled putting the food on the table, and loading the kids up in their booster seats and highchairs. "Milk?" He asked pouring some for the twins, and Charity into sippy cups. Ford and Sarah agreed and wanted milk also.
Melanie left it on the counter, washed her hands and went downstairs, sat at the table and breathed threw her mouth. "Looks... amazing." she smiled more, she was trying hard to not run off to the bathroom. "Thank you." She took some toast, and some fruit.
"Feeling alright?" Harlan asked sitting down at the other end of the table. Living with a doctor was interesting, he was constantly asking if she was okay, or needed anything. She knew that well about him long before living with him but it really intensified after Negan died - mainly the protectiveness along with the million questions 24/7. She didn't mind it, it just proved that he cared..
"I'm alright." She smiled and ate.
Ford looked up, his brown eyes widdening, he suddenly got up and yelled, "Potty!" and ran upstairs.
Harlan chuckled slightly. "When you gotta go, you gotta go."
Melanie laughed slightly and worked on her food. "I can't blame him there, I know I've almost not made it." She gave some eggs and toast to the twins and cut up Charity's.
Ford came down later, and sat at the table, he as playing with something.
"What are you playing with?" Harlan asked watching slightly out of the corner of his eye, and then moving in his chair and grabbing some more toast and handing it to Melanie and some to Sarah.
"Mommy's marker." He smiled big and giggled. "It's colorful." He was rolling it in his hands.
"Marker?" Melanie said taking a bite, and slightly looking up wondering what on earth he was talking about. They kept all the marker's put away in the closet and got them out to supervise them when the kids would use them. The last time they had them out, Melanie and Harlan stepped out of the room - Ford colored all over Charity's face as she slept in the bassinet. She smiled slightly, remembering Negan laughing his head off because Ford said he turned Charity into Zebra. "Let me see."
Ford smiled big, his curly dark brown hair let his brown eyes poke out from under his matted hair that really needed a trim, and held up the pregnancy test. "..'S got a cross Mommy! Pink cross!" He giggled, waving the test in the air.
Melanie froze, and just stared at it. She went pale. Shit.
"Can I see?" Harlan said taking it from Ford. "That's mommy's testing wand. We don't touch other people's things.." He was scolding the little boy and smile. "We uh.. ask first.." He slid it in his shirt pocket, after putting the cap on the one end..
Ford nodded and looked down, frowning. "Sorry Papa Harlan.." He clasped his hands together. "It wet.."
"It's alright..Go wash your hands." Harlan said softly, he was trying to not laugh, but a slight smile formed at the boys innocence.
Ford nodded got up and walked to the sink, washing his hands with soap and cold water.
Melanie slowly got up, and walked outside to the garden in the backyard.
Harlan watched and slid the test in his pocket. "Keep eating, when you're done, go play." He told them, the twins were done eating he put them in the playpen, and went out to Melanie. "Mel's.."
Melanie was sitting on the bench, looking at the plants. She didn't say anything, she had tears flowing down her face though.
Harlan sat down beside her, and wrapped an arm around her.
Melanie let out a sob, and turned to him and buried her face in his chest. "Never...even thought about it until the smell of breakfast cooking.."
"Made you sick?" He said softly rubbing her back. He hadn't really paid much attantion to her physical form, he was more worried about her mental stance - he was worried she was going to fall so far back into her depression, that she... He sighed not wanting to think about it.
"Yeah." She sighed. "Kind of like last time. You think I'd be more on top of this shit."
Harlan laughed. "You've been grieving, and dealing with a lot this last few months - can't blame you for not really noticing.." He stroked her face, watching her. "Do you… want.."
She shook her head and sighed. " I can't even imagine doing that.." She wiped her face and sat back on the bench, and laid her head back. "It wouldn't be fair to this baby or for me to ask you to do something like that..If it was even an option.."
"Knew you wouldn't, but - I had to ask." He shifted back in the bench, and looked up at the sky. "It'll be alright."
Melanie nodded and lifted her head opening her eyes. "I have...5 kids needing me." She bit her lip, and sighed. "What if..something happens to me. I…"
"Hey.." Harlan smiled slightly. "You've got this. Everyone is going to look out for you and help you." He wiped her eyes. "You're healthy - Young - Strong." He smiled more. "Not a normal situation and it wasn't fair that.. Negan died." He sighed, sitting back.
Melanie sighed and sat back. " I'm just meant to be alone." She leaned her head on his shoulder. "I wonder.. if...I had him sent back to jail - If he would still be around..Or if we had just gone home early on our wedding day, and not been outside.." She wiped her eyes more.
"Not your fault. Just because Carol went crazy, and shot him doesn't mean it's your fault.." Harlan sighed. "None of this was your fault."
Melanie remained quiet. Carol had killed herself after shooting Negan down. Rick and Maggie tried talking to her about it, but she killed herself.
"Not your fault." He moved and looked at her. "You didn't deserve this. Neither did the kids." He moved her head to look up at him. "Melanie."
Melanie opened her eyes and nodded.
"Nobody deserves anything that's happened to them, but. I believe it shapes us into who we are meant to be. God has something amazing planned for you." He smiled slightly. "We might not see it yet, but be patient."
"I hate being patient, and being a patient." She smiled slightly.
Harlan chuckled slightly. "You're a crappy patient. Always know what you want, and bossing me around.. You're pretty demanding.. I might to just quit.."
Melanie smiled, and sat up. "As I recall - You like being bossed around as a doctor and other things.." She teased and smiled more "Oh? Quit? Hell you'd be bored out of your damn mind - Doctor Carson.. With my super uterus, you're lucky to be in business.." She pushed his hair from his face and smiled slightly. "Thank you." She hugged him softly.
Harlan chuckled listening. "You are correct slightly... I liked it when you where bossy.." He winked. Melanie rolled her eyes. He smiled slightly. "I would be bored not working anymore.." He shrugged. "Well.. Our food is getting cold inside.."
"Ugh. Nothing sounds good." She said slowly standing up with him. "Might as well try and eat something."
"Get you checked out when you are ready." He smiled slightly.
Melanie nodded. "I really owe you." she sighed walking inside, and found Sarah reading to the younger kids and giggling..
Melanie washed her hands. Harlan threw the test away, and washed his hands.
They sat down and slowly ate.
