Equanimity, Chapter 15: Week Eleven

Great Misty was mad at him, or wasn't mad at him. Ash couldn't tell, and that was the worst part. When she was here, he could tell because of the way she would look at him, how her shoulders would fall, or rise. But thousands of miles a part, he was left guessing.

"How do I look?" James asked while twirling out of the changing room at a small boutique shop that he dragged Ash to. The man looked as flamboyant as ever; over dressed, dazzling in a white tuxedo with red flowers attached to his front pocket; adorned with an overly bold, red tie with his hair tied back into a pony tail.

"You look like a comic book villain."Ash muttered, mind somewhere else entirely.

Maybe we should just stop trying followed by that pained voice; underlying tone of pure agony; Ash grimaced, crossed his legs over his knees once again, shifted pikachu in his lap, and checked his phone.

"A comic book villain!?" James gasped, "That won't do!" And he was back into the changing rooms, leaving Ash and pikachu groaning in the seat just to the left of the rooms.

Please, I don't have any money, it'll only be a drop in the bucket, I swear! James promise eralier that day. Yes, a drop in the bucket. James brought him to what might have been the second most expensive store in all of Kalos region! The people who shopped here wore bright, shining jewelry, tight dresses, and heels as high as some baby pokemon. Ash was no doubt a sore thumb in the midst of fancy people, but he also didn't care.

Surprisingly, he cared very little about the heroic deed he was committing for James to reunite with the woman that tormented all of his childhood with spontaneous visits and attempted robbery. Ash was literally helping the bad guys because James was a little intoxicated, and a little receptive to Ash's own problems. Maybe Ash just wanted to see someone happy, because he clearly wasn't!

Ash settled on sitting forward at such bold thoughts. He was happy; truly. Finally a champion, got the girl, made money to pay off his, and his mothers debts and...

No, he was lying to himself if he said he was happy about any of this. With a disgruntled, strangled sigh, Ash slumped backwards with a frustrated scowl and crossed his arms against his chest, and over pikachu's body. The greatest problem, however, was he couldn't pinpoint exactly what the problem was!

"Pika?" The mouse questioned, pawing at his arms with a concerned expression.

"It's nothing. Don't worry about it." He responded, yet pikachu watched him knowingly. Misty always had a special way of getting under the young Ketchum's skin; just more so if they were fighting; where she could bring out the best in him, she could also very arguably bring out the worst in him, as well.

Today was a day of worst.

"Caa... pikachu." The mouse squeaked, insisting that Ash call Misty to talk. Ash rolled his eyes.

"yeah, because that turned out great last time." Ash hummed. "I'll call her after this party." He said in compliance, watching pikachu's face cheer up just a little bit; which was worth the white lie. Misty said that she would call first, and Ash was stubbornly going to see if she would honestly follow through with that commitment or not; regardless of how childish it was!
"Okay, what about this one?"

He walked out in a bright blue tuxedo this time, matched with white frills and Ash appeared slightly scarred at the new mental image forever burned in his mind.

"...Why don't we let one of the workers help you find something." Ash grimaced, waving his hand to call over one of the stylists.

XOXs

James was nervous, and anyone with a brain would have been. Walking into a league party as a now former-thief and evil do-er was like walking into a police station after stealing an elderly woman's purse: Suicide, nerve wrecking; the emotional roller coaster was never ending, and he was feeling them all at once. He was prepared for the worst, of course, James always was, but as a natural born optimist, he was hoping for the best:

In this instance, the best would be seeing Jessie, convincing her to let him stick around, and maybe putting some of his life back in order.

It wasn't until Ash and James were standing at the entrance door, having passed through the media to arrive here, taking obligatory pictures, and walking on a red carpet that Ash finally thought to question why exactly this was such a big deal to James.

"I thought you said you two weren't being evil anymore?" His puzzled expression did nothing to ease the heat rising under James' shirt. Thanks to the stylist, he and Ash were both dressed decently in matching black suits with blue ties and their unorthodox hair tied back into low ponytails.

At Ash's question, however, James was astonished that he hadn't already picked up on.

"Isn't it obvious?" James questioned, mouth open while pikachu and Ash had matching expressions of concern.

"I love her." He confessed, eyebrows knotted up like his stomach. Ash jerked his head forward, blinked several times and then took a few steps backwards while cocking his head to his shoulder. He wasn't sure if he heard James right, but the way the lavender haired man didn't back down from the confession assured Ash he did hear him right.

"You love her?" Ash stammered, voice dropping low while they passed through the lobby entrance, toward the main floor of the party. "But.. I thought you were...well, you know?" Ash gestured with his hands to emphasis some deeper meaning, though it flew over James' head, who shrugged in response.

Ash paused, mouth hanging open for awhile before he nodded very slowly and smacked his lips. "You know.. Never mind... let's just fine Jessie..." Ash grumbled, avoiding the awkward conversation while he snagged James arm and led him through the massive, oak doors.

James didn't have time to question Ash further when he was pushed into the large, extravagant league hall. Unlike the many parties they broke into as Team Rocket, this one was three times larger, three times more decorated, and a thousand times more prestigious. Lights of all colors danced across the vaulted ceiling, streamers shimmered down and pokemon walked freely from the buffet table, to their trainers. At the center was the 'gathering' section; where people stood in heaps and crowd, talking about all different topics, and in a circle around them was the tables, lined with white table clothes, and red roses. The color of love, what Kalos was most known for. Well, that and mega evolution.

James awe was not misplaced, Ash stared on with the same starry-eyed expression; and wondered quietly if this was what his home region parties looked like. He couldn't imagine Kanto throwing something so huge for a simple start of leagueparty, Kalos used every excuse to throw a party—the Kalos queen could sneeze, and they'd probably celebrate it.

"Whoa..." Ash exclaimed, his dress shoes scuffing against the marble floors. James looked down and then up, then around the area; watching for specific maroon hair. Ash was bust admiring the plethora of buffet tables lining the walls with a growling stomach. At least here, he wouldn't be forced to eat something Misty made!

Immediate guilt followed the thought, but not enough to rob him of his hunger.

"You know..." Ash muttered, looking sideways at James. "While you're, you know, looking around... I'm going to go get something to eat." and with out a response, Ash skipped away, leaving James to his own thoughts.

Immediately, Jessie was no where to be seen. It was possible that because they were 'masters' of disguise, she was dressed up to not look like herself; but James would recognize her in an instant, he always could.

Girls wore ball room gowns, A-shaped dresses, short dresses, long dresses, tall dresses; everything he could think of and more. Fashion models were prepped up to look as professional and model-y as possible, and while he looked nice, he was nothing compared to the complete obscurity of different male models. Some of them even wore what looked like animal pelts over their shoulders, and extremely tight pants. To think the twerp thought an all white suit was too much; he must have been laughing now.

I think we just need a break, you know? Some time apart. These were the last words Jessie told him before leaving him alone at Snowbelle City. After meowth parted a few days prior to continue 'being evil' James was sure that at least he and Jessie would stay together; but after a short while of working normal jobs, they fell quietly into..not. So much of their chemistry was built around being bad they didn't know how to have a normal job; at least, James didn't.

They tried a few odds and ends, Jessie picked up styling, James tried coaching, delivery, salesman, telemarketer—but each job was an unsuccessful, dead end. Jessie found her calling right away...but James, well he wasn't sure what he wanted.

As of the last week, he was a bumbling drunk mooching free drinks from any bar that would have him. As of this morning, he was a conspirator with Ash, twerpy, Ketchum, and was chasing Jessie down, thought she clearly said they needed time apart.

Maybe James didn't understand, maybe he didn't want to. Maybe, after nearly fifteen years working together, he didn't think they would ever be apart. Since they found each other in the pokemon academy; they thought it would be them through thick and thin—with addition of meowth, and a common goal following a pikachu around the world; his disoriented, make-believe family was complete...

And now it was just all wrong.

Ash Ketchum wasn't traveling; he was a champion, practically untouchable. Meowth was stuck in his old ways, Jessie was off somewhere else, being important and morally upright, and James was a mess. Simply a mess.

A mess without his family.

Somehow, he needed to put them back together; starting with Jessie. They could find meowth together later, and maybe, they could figure out what they were going to do, as a team.\

As determination filled his mind, and his thoughts cleared; her imagine came to full view. Her hair was tied back in a sophisticated bun, her hair bangs hung over her left eye; she wore a slim fitting, red and cream colored dress with a large v-dip in the back, and the typical Jessie-in-disguise glasses. Her lips were tinted ruby red, and while her appeared not to notice him; he noticed her.

Especially how happy she looked.

...James stopped his frontal assault, paused at a group of younger trainers, glaring sadly at Jessie who spoke eagerly with a set of colleagues, and James spun around, and fled. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all.

XOX

Ash was selfish sometimes, it was a character flaw he suffered with everyday, tried to over come by being the best he could be; by smiling through defeats, laughing through misery, and supporting his friends decisions; all of their decisions.

Sometimes, he thought they didn't make sense, but he wouldn't tell them that; the same way he offered advice to May rather than telling her to suck it up. Sometimes, people needed help not an ear to listen, and so long as Ash was still breathing; he would at least always try to be that kind, selfless individual he was presented as.

...but sometimes it was really hard, especially when the guy in front of him kept taking all the fried wontons!

"Could you..." Ash tried, effectively brushed off by the bulkier man who didn't even acknowledge Ash's existence. "I just want.." Ash reached for one of the skewered pieces of deliciousness, but his hand met an empty plate as the meathead at his side scooped the last one off the plate and popped it into his mouth.

As frustrated as his trainer, pikachu sparked yellow electricity from his cheeks, that again, went unnoticed by brawn-for-brains, though the chuckle behind him drew him back to reality.

"Man, what is with you and May? It's like food is your own property, or something." Max's voice rang through the air, patted Ash on the shoulders, and the man openly turned to face the blue-haired trainer with a slight, oblivious grin.

"What do you mean?" Ash muttered, forgetting formalities while Max held up a plate of wontons. Ash nearly gasped, but contained his joy by shoving two into his mouth immediately.

"...How you got a girlfriend with an appetite like that is..." Max started under his breath, but thought it better not to judge Ash.

Ash devoured his share of the food before washing it back with a glass of questionably red punch, and glared at Max, leaning forward. The blue-haired trainer was still a few inches shorter than Ash, and so he had to lean. "Hey—what are you doing here?"

Typically, Ash would have been excited to see his friend, but considering the opening league party was for invitees only, which was only given to a handful of highly ranked trainers and families of said trainers; Ash was clearly confused.

"Oh." Max, gestured to his group behind him, Serena, Clemont and Bonnie stood in a circle beside Miette, who chatted happily with the group. Watching the three of them in their cheerful stupors left an unsettled feeling in Ash's stomach; or maybe that was the punch?

"Serena and Clemont were given an invitation; Bonnie and I were their plus one." He explained, grinning, his eyes darted around, looking for familiar red hair. "I'm assuming we already know who your plus one is?"

Ash pursed his lips, not understanding at first. Max followed with: "Is Misty here?"

Then Ash's face darkened. At least he finally managed a few minutes without thinking of the redhead.

"No, she's not." Ash said glumly, without elaborating.

Max didn't catch the cue. "Why not? This is a pretty big deal. I figured she would want to be around all the amazing trainers here."

Yep, just rubsalt in the wound. Ash sighed, scratched at his scalp, pulling a few of his boyish spikes from the ponytail, and glared down at Max.

"Well she's not, okay?" Ash snapped unfairly, earning a concerned look for Max.

"Chill out, I was just wondering..." Max inquired in his defense. Still Ash made no immediate move to see his old companions; in fact, he hardly moved at all. Aside from Max, no one here recognized him—not really, not yet, and Ash was taking the time to enjoy that; the feeling of being small.

"Did you want to go say hi?" Max questioned, though Ash shrugged, then shook his head passively. At one time, he and Ash were close. Ash would spare older-brother wisdom and advice, and sometimes Max was able to help Ash in a rut; usually, it was the first option though. Seeing this as his time to shine, Max smiled honestly.

"Hey, are you busy in a few weeks?"

"I'm always busy." he droned, sounding like an old man. His eyebrows turned upward and his shoulders slumped. On his shoulder, pikachu pat his head sympathetically while Max grinned.

"Well, if you have time, I'm entering a tournament here and it would be awesome if you could go." In many ways, Max was still the child Ash wanted to be; the fire burning in his eyes, the taciturn glimmer of hope and determination so when Ash nodded slowly, the blue-haired boy pumped his fist.

"Yes!" he mumbled, though Ash's eyebrow lowers.

"...Don't get so excited on my account." Ash chuckled watching as Max placed his hands on his chin.

"I have a lot I want to show you. I've improved a lot!"

Ash laughed, mostly to himself before rubbing Max's scalp in a brotherly fashion. "I'm sure you have."

Max exhaled. "So do you want to come see everyone now?" Gesturing towards Serena, Clemont, and Bonnie, Ash's eyes hit the floor in shame and a sigh escaped his lips. Frustratingly, he scratched at the back of his neck, then shook it side to side.

"I...it's just weird, Max." Ash blurted out, referring primarily to the dark-blonde haired female pointing off to something in the distance. The last time they met, he battled Max and Bonnie, but Serena left awkwardly. Where Ash wanted to be normal it was weird, and Max missed the point.

"How so?"

Well, at least there was someone still half as dense as Ash was. "I just... Serena and I, we-"

"Twerp, I can't do this." James interupted, startling Max who jumped backwards.

"It's James!" He cried and Ash slowly waved Max off with a 'shh'.

"Can't do what?" Ash questioned while the lavender haired man stared down at Max, who looked up through shining glasses.

"Oh, it's the little one again." James mocked, then turned back at Ash. "I need to leave."

Now it was Ash's turn to appear flabbergasted, shaking his head side to side and jerking backwards. Max joined in.

"What are you doing associating with this guy?" Max questioned to which Ash shrugged.

"It's not—don't worry—what do you mean you have to leave?!" Ash started with incomplete thoughts, his brain slow to the upkeep. While James stared down the bridge of his nose and turned to look back at where Jessie was standing, Ash nearly lost it. James had accomplished nothing and wanted to leave!? Ash gave up going to see Misty for this—seeing his mother.

"We are not leaving. You're going to go talk to her, now!" Ash commanded, sounding a bit like his mother when she had to order him around at a young age. Back when she used to force him into playing with other children that were particularly mean. Max's eyes bogged out, Ash's attention drew the attention of his former companions, as well as the media who suddenly realized the champion arrived only moments ago.

Maybe it was because he didn't show up with a pretty number attached to his arm that the rest of the world forgot his existance, but now that he made himself known, the crowd started to inch forward.

"I can't~" James whined, tugging at his collar. "It's just too complicated, I don't know what to say..."

"Anything!" Ash shouted again, and Max clued in.

"You're helping him find Jessie? Ash what's wrong with you?"

"They're just—" Ash couldn't focus with all the noise around him, Max barking at him with questions, James whining beside him; the sudden appearance of Bonnie and Clemont while Serena lingered behind them without a word.

"Stop!" Ash screamed, throwing James forward and marching along side him. "We came all the way here to talk with Jessie. We are talking with Jessie!" Ash declared, stomping through the gala loudly. His friends were left dumbstruck, though not surprised while the flash of cameras blinded them.

"But I can't! Let go!" James yelped struggling against Ash's constant, nagging push.

Pikachu, knowing this was going to end badly, jumped from Ash's shoulder and away from the two while they made their way through crowded party goers—interrupting conversations, situations, and dances. James fought him the entire way, swung his fists back and forth in his best attempt to free himself. At the final moment, when crystal blue eyes faced the duo, James shrunk backwards: the chaos began.

It started with his fist flying upward, hitting Ash in the jaw and forcing him back a few steps. Ash stumbled, and reached for safety; only safety was a table cloth, and fancy decorations—and neither were stable. While his footing amassed stupidity, he pulled the table cloth out, and the selection of rare crystals fell, and shattered to the ground.

Silence followed after, though James couldn't hear; his heart beat was so intense and loud in his own chest, it was the only sound he could hear. Then, concern flashed in her eyes, and James spun around in retreat. Without looking—with all eyes on Ash who stared down at the destroyed art work—people were distracted; and so when James bumped the woman behind him who was wearing a vivid, white dress, and holding a glass of red wine; the ruckus started.

"Oh my god!" the young woman screamed, dropping her glass to the floor while she tried to remove the red tint from her gown. James shot up.

"I'm so sorry, let me help you!" He cried lunging for the girl, but a larger man stepped in with a swift punch. With one punch, another man jumped in.

"Hey, it was an accident!" The man screamed into the puncher's face.

"He ruined my girlfriends gown!" he bellowed back, in each others faces.

While James fumbled, and tripped backwards towards Ash; Max covered his forehead with a loud sigh, and the rest covered their mouths. Peaceful conversation ended in slightly-intoxicated insults while people took sides; though no one actually knew James, there were plenty of people to rush to his defense.

Except Ash, of course, who was awestruck at the smashed creation. How many thousands of dollars would this cost him? Who put a fancy work of art on a wobbly table?! To make it worse, James landed; though not beside Ash, he crashed into the boy who fell forward. Like last time, his hands shot out to grasp for something, and he managed a streamer.

To make things worse, as they always seemed to be, Ash prevented himself and James from landing in the pile of sharp, jagged objects, by clinging to the streamer above.

Then it popped, and they jerked down.

"James get up, up!" Ash screamed to the man who clung to his waist, crying about his bruised eye. "Up!" Ash screamed again, and luckily a confident, and loyal pikachu rushed to his side and clawed at James ankle. The man sprung forward, dragging Ash with him while the nails at the dome roof popped, and electricity and lights sparked through the party. Lights flickered, and as Ash and James looked at each other, a fight ensued between the original two men fighting behind them; followed by a brawl.

In the midst, Ash could see Max staring back at him with a pained expression, his Kalos companions looked on in horror at the sudden destruction dancing around them. A mosh pit formed at the cneter, with fists flying in all directions, and while Ash was trained on covering his face shamefully—mostly from his boss, James looked back at where Jessie was, to see that she had turned away from him. Her shoulders shook rapidly, and James looked down, sniffling like a child.

"This is the worst." James whined, though Ash didn't have it in him to disagree or help James through is problem—seeing as he had so many now. The lights flickered once more, and Ash turned at James. Drunkards grunted behind them, flung their bodies in every direction and Ash threw up his arms.

"This is why I don't help you! Look what happened!" he screamed and James grimaced, rather insulted.

"Everywhere you go there really is trouble!" Ash declared, breaking the final straw keeping James together, and tears flooded his eyes. His bottom lip quivered; a grown man crying, and then he turned rapidly, and rocketed away from Ash who was left with a sudden shrill and intense anger. Or guilt, he couldn't be sure right now.

"Wait!" Ash called to James, but was rescued from being included in the brawl by Clemont and Max, who dragged Ash backwards, away from the destroyed crystals, and to the safety near the buffet. Security guards barreled in, trying to break up the fight, but the ritzy party goers knew how to throw a brawl fight as well as any bar. The security guards simply weren't prepared.

Before his companions could get a word in edgewise, Ash's frustrated manager approached. He was an older gentleman, with beady, green eyes and dark gray hairs on top of a balding head. His face was too fat for his collar, and he almost looked strangled while he gripped Ash's shoulder and brought him down to his own level.

"What on earth kind of display was that!?"

"Ow." Ash hissed, attempting to jerk away, but the fat man's fingers held on tightly.

"Do you know how much effort is going to go into covering this one up, Ketchum? It's bad enough I have to defend your public displays of poor relationship choices and decisions!" He wasn't just yelling, he was scolding Ash, barking out consequences, the word lawyer and duties several times, but Ash went numb somewhere between the manager offhandedly calling Misty a harlot, and proclaiming Ash as some type of idiot.

"Enough!" Ash snapped, throwing the man backwards, save for the thunderbolt from pikachu who sparked electricity at what the man was saying. "I'm still figuring everything out, okay!? I didn't ask to be your stupid public figure!" Ash screamed in his defense, pushing the manager onto his rear end and storming off.

Chaos was already rampant in the area; cameras took pictures of anything and everything, and Ash didn't doubt this would all be connected to him again!

"Ash, hold on." His friends called to him while he stormed out of the building through the fire exit, setting off the fire alarms in the process. Ash's manager was left awestruck, but as he realized what happened, his temper tantrum resembled that of a toddler.

What could he expect, anyways? Ash was still growing up! He was barely eighteen, barely considered a full-fledged adult by society standards; and if he had been in attendance of school he would only barely be graduating! When was it ever a good idea to make anyone Ash's age a poster child? Maybe there was a reason champions were adults, and Ash was barely figuring that out now.

"Wait up!" Serena's voice penetrated his ears and he stopped with a growl to face the four of them, in their pretty, ballroom gowns.

"Did team rocket attack? Do we need to help?" Clemont asked, breathlessly and hands on his knees.

"No, apparently Ash was working with James—what's up with you, man?" Max questioned, followed by Bonnie.

"Working with them, are you evil now?" The youngest girl asked; her blue eyes filling with mirth and accusation. Mostly playful, they all knew that Ash wouldn't be evil under and circumstances, but right now Ash couldn't handle it. Joking or not, he felt like ripping his hair out.

"Just stop, it's nothing to worry about, I just need air, and a vacation and...maybe a few drinks." Ash winced at the last part, turning away from his companions and starting back on the path to his hotel. He had no idea where James was, and frankly, he didn't care. Hopefully causing a mess for someone else far away from here.

"Ash, we're here for you if you need to talk." Serena spoke calmly, the only one to appear modest, and understanding of his situation. Though, listening to her made him want to throw up. To make his own guilt worse, she had to be here.

"I'm fine." Ash muttered, stuffing his hands into his pockets. Pikachu looked back at his friends, with his ears lowered dramatically and then faced the darkness beyond with his trainer.

"He doesn't look so well, does he?" Serena questioned, watching his shoulders slump. They couldn't help him, at least, not unless he wanted the help, and he clearly did not. At least, not yet.

XOX

On the main entrance, where the media and most of the crowd cleared out for the night, or peeked in through the windows, a distraught James tugged at the tie he wore and exhaled quietly. His hair fell to his shoulders, and he slumped tiredly while rubbing his temples. This was no good. Ash was right, James caused mayhem and destruction and trouble everywhere he went. A never ending, chaotic tornado of accidents and mistakes was the only high light in his life, and he brought that here, to Jessie's new, fabulous life.

How was he supposed to ask her to accept him as her partner again while she looked to happy at her parties, dressed so pretty in her gowns and talking with people of worth. Unlike James, these things were new to Jessie, who grew up poor. How could he ruin that for her, by being selfish? He couldn't, there was no way he could live with himself if he did.

"Well, I guess this is it then." James uttered, flicking his hair back while he stood.

James could move forward with his life. He could. And he would. If Ash could do it, then he could to! He just needed to take the first step and everything would fall into place. His heel shook above the marble step below, and while he tried to force his foot down, some higher power made his body freeze.

"Just one step." James ordered to himself under his breath, but his foot wouldn't lower. Beside him, the window broke as a chair flew through, breaking his concentration. He spun around to look, but then exhaled with a slump, falling back to his bum to sit on the cold steps. His head hung low, and he brushed strands of his hair from his face. He was pathetic.

"It's harder than you think it should be, isn't it?" Her prestigious, precious voice cut through the air, traces of the same, condescending tone echoing in her words while red heels appeared at his side. Then, she sat down without another word, brushed the wrinkles out of her gown and placed her gloved hands on the top of her lap and stared into the city with the same terrified, distant expression James had.

Words weren't necessary between them. Jessie knew James came back for her, and James knew Jessie was here to step on his still-beating heart, and rip it out with cold hands. Silence fluttered for a long time, listening to the shouts and cries from beyond the wooden doors, until Jessie sighed and cupped her chin with the palm of her hand.

"You know, meowth has been staying with me for a few weeks now." She admit, glancing sideways to James, whose back stiffened.

"Oh?" He mused, staring down at his hands, which were more interesting than her gaze. Shame coated his features while he thought over her words; a small implication, one that he missed. A slow smile spread across his face while Jessie winced.

"This is why meowth and I always made the plans, you know." She mocked him. "You don't think with your brain, James, you think too much with your heart."

A backhanded compliment; the only ones Jessie knew how to give while she pat him on the back. James didn't speak when he looked up at her through sad, puppy-dog green eyes.

"You could have just called, you know." she mused unpleasantly, rather pissed off that her party was destroyed so mindlessly.

"Well, I would have, but you never left a number."

"Please, you don't think I've noticed you coming by the store every morning?" She crooned, cocking her jaw to one side. James covered his face.

With a sharp inhale, she stood up, clicked her heels and pointed down the path. "Well, let's get going then."

"But Jesssiiiiee." he whined, extending his arms to her. "I'm drunk—you'll have to carry me!"

The woman did not appear impressed while she scowled at him, eyes twitching. "Not on your life, and not in these shoes. Crawl if you have to." She ordered with such disdain and authority that James felt his heart flutter.

"I missed this." He mumbled quietly, jumping to his feet.

Unfortunately; they made a scene at the worst place possible. A flash-less camera clicked a picture of them behind a set of lined newspaper dispensers, then the reporter rose to his feet. "I found 'em, boss." The man muttered into his sleeve.

At the voice, James head spun to where the reporter was standing, but he had already vanished.

"Did you hear something."
"Don't be paranoid; you're hearing that mess you created up there—do you know when I'll get another chance to celebrate me, my glory?!" She growled, rubbing her hand into his hair while James chuckled worriedly. She was as vein as ever, at least.

"And what were you thinking, bringing that twerp!" She added, and James knew now this was only just the beginning of a long, harrowing scold.

...Why did he miss her again? He wondered to himself, laughing nervously while she started in on him.

XOX

Delia always told Ash not use alcohol as a crutch; Ash himself should have known this because of what James was like only a few minutes ago, in his hotel room. Not only that, he had a strict rule of blurring his problems; Ash was a problem solver, he fixed things! He didn't believe in relying on other people, or things to make him feel better. Ash was the person that people could rely on.

Which is primarily why he helped James in the first place.

Maybe it was the dizziness in his head after drinking a third of whatever that clear stuff was in a rush of inconsistent stress, but he couldn't think straight, and felt really guilty over his reaction to James; even more so guilty over how he treated his friends. Ash was supposed to be this world's superman! A champion, a hero, the chosen one, among other things, he was awesome. Or... he was supposed to be.

Right now he felt like the spoiled, tantrum throwing kid that he was eight years ago, and it made his chest hurt and his stomach weak. Then again, that could be the alcohol. Pikachu lead him to his room, scooped the remaining bottle from his fingers, and stashed it far away from his trainer. He was delirious, and sleepy, and the ground was moving in sixteen directions. For awhile, Ash even believed the floor was moving; which made the stairs impossible, and the elevator a joy. Pikachu was at his wits end with his trainer, and knew something had to be done; and soon.

Ash was miserable, whether he would admit it or not. Being a champion was nothing it was supposed to be, nothing he envisioned it to be; and as if matters couldn't be worse; he never saw his friends, couldn't meet new ones, and he and Misty were fighting. Pikachu curled up beside Ash who turned over on his bed, groaning about how sick he felt.

"I think I went to fast." Ash grumbled, lumbering slowly from his bed to his bathroom. He collapsed beside the toilet in the same fashion James had a few hours prior, and the excursion of his insides fell out of his mouth.

This was a new low. Ash Ketchum, he who was too oblivious to know what girls were, he who was doomed to fail every league he entered, and he who was forever optimistic and determined huddled over a toilet with cold sweat. Ash Ketchum didn't wear suits; didn't attend parties; wasn't scolded for acts of valor, rather, thanked. Ash Ketchum didn't worry about girls, or even think about them. Ash Ketchum didn't feel guilty, because he only did what was right. He was Ash friggin Ketchum, and he felt like nothing.

Empty.

Then again, Ash lurched, it might have been the alcohol.

Pikachu, knowing what his trainer felt solely because of their bond wasn't sure what to do. He couldn't see Ash this way, breaking down how he was; confused at every turn. So, he did what he knew how to do best; pikachu was going to tattle.

Jumping from the floor to Ash's bed, then crawling to the nightstand, pikachu dug past a few opened letters to the phone located at the bottom of the pile, and pressed a few buttons. Misty was on Ash's most called list; right after his mother, and surprisingly May. Ash didn't call people very often; usually, he was the one on the called list.

"Hey, Ash." Misty sounded tired; again, it was probably no later than 4:00am there, and she was asleep. Pikachu knew that when he called, but calling Ash's mother was out of the question.

"Pika, pika pikachu!" The mouse squeaked, grabbing the device with his paws, and then darting to the floor to carry Misty's voice through the small room, and to Ash.

"Pikachu? Why are you calling me? Is something wrong?" She questioned loudly, her voice echoing only because the rest of the room was silent. When her words pierced Ash's ears, he thought he was going crazy, on top of everything else, and so he groaned loudly and covered his head.

"Pikachu!" The mouse squeaked, stepping on Ash's leg to hold his phone up to him. Ash stared down at the mouse, realized somewhere in his foggy mind that Misty had called, and swallowed hard.

"Oh..." Ash mumbled, taking the phone from pikachu's grasp.

"Hello?" He groaned, flushing the toilet in respect; so Misty wouldn't have to smell it. His brain couldn't comprehend that she couldn't right now, though.

"Hey, are you okay? You sound sick." Misty confirmed, concern lacing her tone. Ash sniffled.

"Mmm'not sick." Ash grunted resting his head against his arms. "It was a bad night. It's been a bad week." Ash admit, words that would have never freely left his mouth had he been sober. "And I miss you, and mom, and kanto—and you know what, I even miss losing in leagues, and getting my ass kicked by little newbie trainers." his words muddled and blurred together while he wiped his mouth on his coat sleeve. Pikachu watched helplessly while he spilled his guts and Misty couldn't form words—or, she might have been, but Ash couldn't steady the phone in his hand, so anything she said sounded like quiet static.

"And don't get me started on champion responsibilities. You know. I never felt old until now. Its like I'm living someone elses life that isn't mine." Ash grumbled, hiccuping; though Misty barely made any of what he said out. In his mind, he was speaking clear, concise words; but what Misty heard was close to the same expression of a wabbufet.

"Ash... Calm down, can you-"

"I looooove you." He whined, throwing himself backwards to where he was laying flat against the white tile. "And it's weird, because I shouldn't love you. I mean, we hardly saw each other for the last four years, I mean we hardly know each other, you know!"

Ash might have sounded chipper, but Misty's reaction wasn't. She growled from her side of the phone. He could hear her sitting up, shifting under covers of her bed and knew that she was more than likely pinching the bridge of her nose.

"Are you drunk?" She questioned, worry and rage mixed in her tone and Ash scoffed.

"No." he denied, paused, watched the ceiling light spin uncontrollably, and then nodded. "...maybe. Just a little."

"Pika!" The mouse declared, pacing around Ash's head while the trainer hiccuped,

"Ash... what in the world did you and James get into? Is he still with you?"
"Nah, he ran off after Jessie somewhere. He seemed okay when I saw him last." Ash murmured, turning over onto his side, and pulling on his suit to warm his cold body. "I saw Serena today; too." Ash hummed, though Misty sighed; she knew she wasn't going to get anything out of him right now.

"...I don't want us to be like what we were." He grunted, referring to how he and Serena broke up. "I want you to be my date to a tournament in a few weeks and I want to keep trying. I think we're better when we're making each other miserable. I wouldn't know how else to act if it wasn't for..." Ash added with a slurred tone while turning over to look at a seated, hopeless pikachu.

Misty wasn't even sure what to say. Anything she did say, fell onto deaf ears. Ash was three sheets to the wind, and she was more worried about him than anything.

"Ash..." She exhaled. "Why are you drinking?"

"M'not happy, Mist." He mumbled coherently enough to convey the injustice he was feeling since settling in the Kalos region. That was right, Ash Ketchum settled. However, a certain redhead wouldn't understand it that way.

"You're not happy?" Misty echoed, a bit upset while Ash nodded, before realizing Misty wouldn't see him nodding.

"Everything is just too complicated and busy. Soo busy." Ash hummed, feeling sleep tug at his eyes.

"You're drunk...and tired, god, Ash, what are you doing? You shouldn't be acting like this!" She attempted to scold him, taking his words with a grain of salt, though Ash breathed. Why would he call her so late drunk and on the phone? Then she realized it was pikachu who called her after all, even the mouse was worried about him.

"When is this tournament?" Misty finally cracked, causing a roar of pleasant elation from Ash's throat.

"In a few weeks; Max will let me kn—Does that mean you'll come see me?"

"Yes." Misty said flatly.

"Yaaaaaaay~" Ash sprung forward, throwing out his arms in every direction. "Oh, can you bring some rice balls? Oh, and maybe stop in Pallet Town to grab some of my mom's cooking? Oh, and some of those-"

Misty inhaled, and stopped him with a 'shh'. "Ash, if you miss Kanto so much, why don't you come home?"

Ash paused, thoughtfully in his drunken stupor, he answered the only way that he knew how. "Because I'm champion. Champions are supposed to stay with their region; I dunno if Kanto will ever be home again..."

She wasn't sure if there was sadness in his voice; she had no idea he felt that way, and so she exhaled and rubbed her scalp.

"Ash..."

"Misty, can I ask you a question?"

"What?" She stammered quickly, bracing herself for the drunken stupor of her boyfriend.

"Do you ever think about me in that special, forever way?"

"...err... the what kind of way?"

"You know, when a mother loves a father."

Her eyebrows lowered quickly, uncertain of what he was asking, her fingers knotted below her covers. "...Are you implying sex?"

Even a drunk Ash knew those three letter words; so when he rocketed forward, smashed his forehead against the lip of the toilet seat and broke into a train of obscenities, Misty's face turned bright red.

"No!" Ash grimaced, "In the other way!"

"...What other way!?" Misty gasped, clearly embarrassed. "Ash, I can't talk to you like this! Call me when you're sober tomorrow morning!" She yelped, clicking the end call button before he could get another word in edgewise.

Gaping at his phone, he thought to call her back, pester her until she answered him, then talk to her until sleep stole his attention and mind; but some nagging feeling at the back of his head kept his hands from pressing the buttons; or maybe it was because looking at the words made his stomach queasy all over again.

The special way, Ash thought; the same way Jessie and James had a relationship. Always together, no matter how far. Ash wasn't there to see how the situation ended, but for some, odd reason, he knew Jessie and James would make it more than he had faith in his own situation. Their bond was unbreakable, perfectly imperfect, and Ash wondered if other people could share the same feeling. When James marched into his life, though the moment was fleeting, he felt something tug at him, something he was missing. In fact, maybe it was something he wasn't accepting. James seemed to understand and know what he wanted, but then chickened out at the last minute.

Why? Because he thought he was doing Jessie a favor. Staying away. In a lot of ways, Ash related to that feeling. A part of him felt like his relationship was pulling at all stressful cords of his life, and tightening them until he sunk. If it wasn't the league, or work, or pokemon... it was her. He loved Misty, he truly did, but...

"Pikachu... I need some water." Ash groaned, rolling backwards to crawl to his bed. Maybe it was just the alcohol talking.

Author's Note:

This the first 'combo' chapter, where two POV's are shared: Ash and James. We will see a bit more of Jessie and James, and they play an important role in the final part of this story.

I have two shout-out reviews who left anon reviews (I can't reply to them personally, so...):

to: "Gary was here" and "Juan"

I can confirm that I won't break your heart, I promise.

I can also confirm that Gary was here, Ash is a loser was hilarious. Thank you. XD

More importantly, I wanted to say thank you to everyone who has been reviewing. I appreciate the time that you put into it a whole bunch~ I love to hear your thoughts (;

A few days ago I was really happy because I found while looking through my files the outline for this damn story again, as well as what is considered endgame -so happy-. I thought I misplaced it forever in incorrect title hell, but I found it.

I found it. -cries tears of joy-

Also, it's refreshing writing for Equanimity because the chapters aren't as long as Locked Away.

Until next time,

NINT