-CHAPTER TWELVE-


REGRETS


Friday 20th November 2009

CHRISTIAN

"TWINS!" MY VOICE BROKE.

Tapping my index and thumb together like an aggressive tick, how is this even possible? Bringing my mind to the night in question, the only night possible, Fuck!

How could I be so stupid not wearing a condom! Maybe I should have worn three.

Obsessively staring at the ultrasound screen, trying to decipher the possibility that maybe my mother has made a serious error in judgment. Deep down I knew she was correct. It was obvious, the two little beings gliding around the screen, stumpy limbs, over large head and a pudgie torso were not a figment of my imagination. The whooshing sounds of their super fast heartbeats made it real. There are two. I'm going to be a father. A father to twins.

Breathe Christian, breathe. Don't push the only person you want to be with away.

Snapping me from my daze, Mom gave a clipped glare of worry. With so much ease she casually turned to Ana with her confident physician persona, "Yes it would seem so. I will work out your EDD and organize a few things for you: prenatals, a script for maxolon and pamphlets for your options."

My head began to pound with a thud each time Mom mentioned a new word to Pixie.

EDD thud.

Prenatals thud.

Maxolon thud.

Pamphlets for options THUD, THUD THUD!

I can't think, let alone breathe with all this overwhelming information.

Eyeing Ana trying to interpret how she's taking the news, there was nothing; just a blank canvas. Within the split moment looking at her, Mom flicked her white coat and headed out the door.

Finally. Alone.

It was quiet, too quiet.

"Ana?" the desperation in my voice was clear.

Her eyes were full of sorrow and a hint of worry. As she tried to muster a few words, nothing came out of her petite mouth. My poor Ana was lost.

Watching Ana take large gulps of air, her chest, moving at a fast rate. It was obvious she was overthinking as her eyes began to whip back and forth across the room.

Ana whispered, "I'm sorry Christian, I-I-I" she stuttered, paused to take a breath, "How am I going to take care of twins? I'm trying to get into medical school," the pain was seeping from her eyes, it was utterly heart shattering.

Ana

"Baby, shhh."

It was instinct wrapping my warm arms around her tiny frame. I truly believed my grip could protect her, comfort her. She needs to understand we will get through this; we can make it work if she relaxes and stops over thinking.

My will power to control my urges was weak; she was so close my fingers were on her soft skin.

The bite of her words broke the spell, "No it's babies…. Oh my God! What am I going to do? I can't do this! I'm 19!"

"Hey, hey Ana. I'm 19 too. What are we going to do? The thing is, we are going to work something out ok."

"I don't even know you, it was one night. What must your Mother be thinking?" Her eyes were looking directly at me, she was frightened, "I'm sure this very moment the term slut is floating in her mind."

"I doubt that. We can work around this."

Ana has my mother all wrong. She could never see Ana as a slut. My mother is a saint and angel. We have an everlasting bond, which I hope will never be broken. We may not be blood but she cared and mended my broken soul when I was a little boy.

The day that I realized I had lost Ana, I told her everything. It was bitter sweet. She was overjoyed that I had found someone who made me whole, but her heart broke knowing my half to make me whole was misplaced.

...

Monday 28th September 2009

"Darling, this is wonderful news. She sounds adorable and I believe you both will be happy," I could sense the warm smile radiating from the cell.

"Mom," hitching my breath, undecided if I should tell her.

"You don't sound overly happy, what's happened?"

Counting back from ten, I knew I couldn't keep this from my mother, some how she will find out.

"She's gone!" I blurted out.

"Gone? You can't lose a woman, dear."

"I fucked up Mom."

Shit

"Christian, language!"

"Mom," I furrowed my brow then realizing she can't see my face!

"Ok Mom. I completely stuffed up, I lost her number. I've looked for her, Elliot also helped."

"Are you sure your brother helped. Even though I love your brother with all my heart, he usually hinders than helps during the majority of situations," I could hear a slight hum under her breath. She doesn't believe me.

"No I'm serious he helped, we didn't, well couldn't find her," my breathing began to race.

I am broken. This girl was amazing and it wasn't because we had sex either. It was her touch, beauty and soul that was magical.

"Darling you need to breath, and realize you never know, that she is probably waiting for you. One day when you least expect it she will stumble on your doorstep. She probably is thinking the same thing. Well there is no need to worry, you're young and starting this little hobby of yours."

"Mom it's my career, GEH. It's a business, not a hobby."

"Well what ever you think darling."

"Oh and Mom…"

"Yes dear."

"Don't discuss this with Mrs Lincoln."

"Dear sometimes our conversations just happens, I don't intend to embarrass you."

"No Mom. Just don't," it was such a bad habit but my head flicked knowing she is going to tell her. "It's hard enough you're good friends with her, just don't."

"Why all the worry? Christian in a way we are all family."

…..

A SHUDDER WENT THROUGH MY VEINS causing my skin to harden. That woman will never leave me alone and now she's riddled throughout my memories.

Knowing Ana is the only person to calm me, I began stroking her with the softest touch of her arm. Immediately goosebumps formed over her exposed flesh.

I feel it too Pixie.

She gazed at me with her crystal blue eyes. They were vacant.

"Maybe I should abort, and forget this whole thing. Oh my God I need to tell Ray," her hand began to tremor, "I can't hide this from him."

Ray?

Jealously has never been an issue but the name Ray didn't sink well. Ray, who is this fucker? She can't hide the pregnancy from him? Had she met with other guys after me? Is that why she needed to leave that morning? Are the babies even mine?

"Ray, who the fuck is Ray? Ana, is he your boyfriend or another guy you hooked up with?" The words seeped from my mouth.

Fuming anger, it's vile even to think she's been with someone else. Why is it even hurting?

"Are you fucking serious?" her words were vicious, "You think Ray is a guy I'm sleeping with?" pausing catching her breath, "Christian, he's my fucking step-father. He's my only family."

Shit.

Her cheeks were red, not from passion rather from my ill informed assumptions. Tears were burning tracks along her face, because of me.

Fuck! I'm such a fucking Neanderthal!

How could I fuck up this much, of course thinking from the wrong head again! She needs to understand these feelings are new. FUCK!

"Come here baby," reaching for her only to be pushed away.

"No, get out!"

No!

"What? Ana I'm sorry it's … you're just in shock, I'm in shock. Just take a breath…"

"No I need you to get out, leave," I couldn't move, her words burned, "I need you to go."

No! Why does this hurt so much? Ana!

Giving up, without arguing not wanting to fight I slammed the door as I stormed out.

I left.

I need to let off some steam. I need to bash, beat something, and make my fists bleed. It all burns, BURNS, it fucking hurts.

…..

I WAS SPRINTING out the main door of the hospital, not caring where I was going as the walls were caving in on me. I needed out. The sound of heavy feet were chasing me, the crescendo was building, knowing it wasn't Ana I didn't bother to turn back.

Two large hands fiercely grabbed my shoulders, yanked me around.

"Christian. Stop!"

I couldn't.

"Christian, what the fuck is going on? It's Ana, isn't it?" Elliot was almost screaming at me.

Making contact with my brother was a challenge; I couldn't help but give a small nod. I don't want to disclose our personal surprise. It's far too early to inform the world, it's still new and raw for the two of us.

"Why are you running? I haven't seen you like this in years, not since that Lincoln woman started hanging around mom."

My body froze. I can't stand that woman, but she's a part of my life and that's what I hate.

"Just leave it Ell," pushing him away.

"No, you can't function if you bottle up shit. What's happened to Ana?" This was so foreign to see my brother acting concerned over someone other than himself.

Looking at him in a panic, aware I don't have the right to tell our news, or is it just Ana's news? Or is it my news? FUCK! He's right. I shut down. I hope I don't regret this.

Elliot, don't give me shit please. I can't handle it right now. Act like an adult.

"Elliot, you need to promise," holding his forearms, tight.

"Ouch, what the fuck are you doing? Ahh bro, it hurts," I couldn't let go. I need to be sure. "Fine. Fine, anything," Elliot tried to hold his hands up as a peace offering but I continued my firm grip. "Does she have cancer? If she does, fuck that's a bad blow… you only just found her," he shook his head.

"What?" scrunching my brows in confusion, "Honestly, what are you on about? I haven't even told you." shaking my forehead.

"Ok what do I need to promise," the ever soft whining sound of Elliot's voice made the come back. So I constricted my hands around his arms to a little bit more. "Fuck, Christian you're hurting me." Closing my eyes, sighing to the sky.

"I'm sorry Elliot," lowering my head, releasing my grip I stepped back.

What is Ana doing to me? I can't even function, my mind is in a thousand places, being shredded to pulp.

"You're scaring me. What the fuck is going on?"

"What I'm going to tell you, you need to not… I repeat NOT tell anyone especially Kate," I was slow with my wording so he could comprehend exactly what I was saying, "Mom already knows—"

"It's fucking cancer… Oh my poor Banana…"

"Elliot, shut up," I yelled at his face. "Listen," I muttered and sucked in a deep breath that made me gasp. Sighing at my brother I needed to tell him, "Mom knows, but I don't not want Dad to know, well not yet. I need you to be serious Ell."

"O-Kay." He nodded like a hungry puppy waiting for a ball, but in this case it's my news about Ana.

"I'm serious Elliot. I should be talking this through with Ana first. Promise on your dead parent's grave not to tell a soul."

"Fuck," the air kicked in the back of his throat, "It must be serious." Elliot went pale, holding my shoulders, for comfort.

I wish he could just hold me.

"She's pregnant!" my head dropped and slowly I lifted to see his reaction for some kind of cocky remark.

He didn't.

Not even a word.

Elliot's mouth was opened wide and at one point I thought he might have stopped breathing.

"Elliot?"

Please say something Elliot.

"Really?" he murmured.

I have stunned my brother for the second time in a matter of months.

"Yeah, I was with her. Mom completed the ultrasound," emphasizing Mom to see if he understood the awkwardness of the situation.

"So Mom was with you," he choked, "Shit. Does she know that the baby is yours?"

"I'm not sure. Well I haven't really discussed that information with her. Mom is smart, I'm sure she presumes I'm involved," I couldn't make eye contact with him.

I must not tell him twins. Bite your tongue Christian. Keep it together. Don't mention twins.

"You look stressed still," his eyes followed the imperfections across my face, "What else haven't you told me? Your shoulders still look tight and your forehead has that wiggly old man crease."

Shit

"No, there's nothing else." Biting the inside of my cheek.

Don't mention twins Christian.

"Umm, she was dehydrated,"

Twins

"Her blood pressure was a little high," Twins "And of course she was nauseous," I ended abruptly.

Fuck that was hard.

"Nope there's something else. It's not yours is it?" Elliot smirked.

Twins

"What? NO! That's why I'm out here. It's because I fucked up."

Running to the nearest tree I punched it hard and bust the skin on my right knuckle.

"Christian chill the fuck out."

I held my hand smirking at my injury.

"Nice effort," then Elliot noticed the tree, "the tree didn't fair well," of course I butted a small tree and broke the trunk.

Crashing to the ground, what the fuck have I done? The only girl I have ever had eyes for is in that hospital crying, and I'm a hot head bashing saplings.

"Christian, I don't understand. Why are you out here and she's in there?" pointing to the hospital.

"I fucked up."

"Oh please continue, perfect brother. I need to hear this in full. Maybe I should record this, hang on I need to set up my cell…" He sat down next to me reaching for his back pocket.

"NO!" I yelled.

"OK, bro. I'm just fucking with you. Jesus!" he rolled his eyes.

Looking at my hands… I began to talk, "After we found out we're having… I mean pregnant," that was close.

Twins

Rolling my eyes at myself, "We were talking and Ana got overwhelmed and upset how she's going to do this…" my hands circled my stomach, "one thing led to another and well some how I accused her of sleeping with a guy called Ray."

Elliot slapped my leg hard. The laugh was infectious, rolling from the pit of his belly.

"You didn't," he wiped the tears from his eyes, "you fucking dickhead, Ray." He continued to laugh, "Ray as in her stepfather,"

"I know that now!" rolling my eyes, "Hey, how the fuck do you know this?" frowning my brow.

"I've talked with Banana over the last few weeks, I told you she's a cool chick."

Crashing my head into my hands, how is it even possible Elliot knows more about Ana than I do?

"Bro, I may seem like just an idiot to you but I know one thing."

"Only one?" hitching the side of my mouth.

"Shut the fuck up and listen Christian."

He has never been like this to me. Ever.

"The way you looked at Ana at the airport, how excited you were to see her. Shit Christian when she collapsed… I have never seen you so lost and upset in my life."

"Don't remind me," I was cringing at the memory.

"Then when I gave you the bunch of roses, as you were walking into her room… You should have seen your face. It was glowing like you had seen an angel."

I couldn't help but smile and appreciate what my older brother was telling me.

"I know that feeling bro. I have it for Kate. Christian, at least I've had the privilege to spend a lot of time with Kate," he was wiggling his eyebrows, "you on the other hand haven't had the chance with Ana. I knew deep down over the last few weeks Anastasia was a lost little girl. She would never say why. It's completely obvious now, it was you," he pointed towards my chest.

"Thank you Elliot. What you have said means a lot," giving him a reassuring grin, "Elliot, I don't know how it's possible but I think I love a girl I have only spent a few hours with."

"It's an amazing feeling isn't it?"

We both had grins ear to ear and words weren't needed to express how we were feeling about our girls.

"Ell, I need your help. I'm going to win her back."


A/N:

Thank you for reading the new reworked/beta-ed "Misplaced & Found." If you haven't already done so, please favourite, follow, review and PM me regarding any M&F questions or concerns. See you soon for chapter 13.

Oh, have you seen my new story I posted yesterday? "Dialing Mr Grey." I will not updating this story regularly (unfortunately), so please follow the story so you will get up dates when I do finally upload chapter 2. Would love to hear your thoughts about the story via PMs, reviews or even Facebook.

Again thanks for the support, it's readers like yourself who motivate me to write… well, when my spawn is not going cray cray and sucking the life out of me. Lol

missmusicteach