Equanimity, Chapter 25

When he woke up in some terrible cigarettes-smelling—motel room in a small town off of route fourteen, he would have been convinced it was all a dream if Misty hadn't been laced to his side again, hooked around his arms and waist and face nuzzled into his neck. Her hair tickled his nose, and her heart beat quiet thumps against his. Pikachu was nestled in the safe space near their heads, an his throat felt dry and his lips were sore.

Parts of his neck was bruised from rapid kisses the night before; and any discomfort at their closeness was washed away with a proper investigation behind closed doors, and he found himself happily pressed against her hip and nuzzling her hair with his hands. She wore a sports bra, and the shorts she had underneath her dress—and Ash would have stayed in his button up had it been his choice; but Misty took that, too. As well as his pants.

Can't sleep in those. Was her excuse that she used to ogle his bare chest, toned over the years of travelling—scared from more than that, and leave inappropriate love bites on his chest down to his torso.

It didn't matter that they bought the cheapest motel room possible, or ate fast food with chopsticks and tried to cook their freshly caught river trout in the microwave—they were having fun—on an adventure—one that landed Ash a honedge. His first steel type ever.

He kissed her temple sweetly as she slept—so much energy bundled into one tiny woman. Years ago, they were always like this; at festivals and events, at tournaments and beaches. He wondered how long she had been holding back her own excitement because of the gym. They had spent so much time talking about his issues, he barely had time to ask about hers—and yesterday's excitement was no place for it.

"'morning." she spoke with a breathy huff and Ash took that as an okay to run his fingers through her hair.

"Hey." he said quietly in the dark of the morning. They never bothered to pull the blinds back, so the blistering sun was hidden from them.

"How'd you sleep?" She asked with a swallow, sitting up to peer at him and stretch. He forgot how toned she was in the dim light—he could see the muscles bulging from her shoulders and biceps, and sat forward to grab her and tug her between his legs and hoist the blanket over the two of them.

"How often do you swim?"

She grinned. "Everyday." she mumbled quietly. "Why do you ask?"

"I 'unno. Just curious." She didn't swim yesterday. "We can go swimming today, if you'd like?"

"Where at?"

"I dunno, bullet train to the nearest beach? Any beach?" He was grinning against her neck and she shuddered happily.

"But I wouldn't mind just going for a walk, either."

"Where to?"

"Does it matter?"

Ash never thought he would be one of those disgusting couples that made passive aggressive notes at one another. He chuckled and kissed her shoulder.

"Or, we could stay in today." he suggested and Misty stiffened.

"Oh," said Misty aghast. She swallowed hard against the lump in her throat. Maybe that wasn't what he meant, but it wasn't entirely unwanted.

"Well." She said, heart racing. He could feel the way her chest thundered and wondered how easy it would be to slip is hand over her torso, up the small distance of her waist and beneath the cloth that protected her from his grasp. Swearing off the heat of his face and mind numbing white noise in his head, the thought alone made him pant quietly, swallow hard, and wriggle away from her back for some air between them. Morning's were the worst for him. Always an early riser.

"Okay." after a short hesitation, she stuttered out the words so affirmatively, easing into his touch and taking his hand to her chest and his heart paused then galloped. He felt his entire being quake at the feeling of her soft mound pressed into his hand as she lifted the fabric up just enough for-

"chhaaa." The mouse squealed in his sleep, kicking his legs out cutely on the pillow they just shared. The two trainers jumped from their lust driven state of mind to the edge of the bed. Ash fell off, then over the bed trying to collect himself, and Misty felt naked and—and-

"I need a shower. Or..or..a baptism by fire." She said with a dash. Ash looked at pikachu who was only waking up now that the two of them were caught in some kind of trance, and he thanked heavens that the confused pokemon was unintentional referee—what was he thinking of doing? Nothing good, certainly, nothing he was ready for!

Misty made him crazy!

XOX

They drifted immediately into a zone of awkwardness after the mornings events.

Ash sat across from her at the small cafe where they dodged eye contact and shuffled anxiously around one another, dressed in yesterday's river-scented clothes. Ash felt the repercussions of yesterday already, having been without exercise the last few months since becoming stationary, he forgot how tiresome travelling could be. His body ached, but he wasn't going to complain, Misty looked as hung over as he did.

Guess the saying was true; spending time with a love one was as good as being drunk. Love drunk? Brock mentioned something about it, but couldn't remember the accuracy because he was pretty sure that he said it to a nurse. Anything Brock said to a nurse was iffy.

However, Brock might have been impressed with how smooth Ash had been only a couple hours ago; despite what he was smoothing over. Yesterday he acted like a ten year old again—Misty even talked him into a dress, and only now was he beginning to regret shirking his duties and—well, yeah, mostly the dress. Not to mention the one-eighty on the hormonal spectrum. Yesterday they were still making crude jokes and walking around a river bank barefoot—this morning he was.

Oh good, what in the world was he doing?

"Sorry I stretched out your dress." Ash pointed to her shoulders, which didn't cling to her as neatly as it did before, and she brushed her hands over it. It smelled like Ash because of the intense battle the day before, and she scrunched up her nose. The smell was worse now that she had showered. Trickled along her neck were the bruises Ash left, and that her cardigan couldn't hide. Instinctively, he covered his own neck with his hands, worried his were just as bad.

Catching onto his actions, a slightly horrified Misty let her hair down, and covered her face for the millionth time. Ash did the same, and popped his collar.

Situations since they started dating had to be different, that was what he told himself. Yesterday was too normal for the realization of this morning to punch him in the face so hard. They were both exhausted, and he hated coffee. Pikachu sipped ketchup from a glass so eagerly beside them, the waitress manned other tables happily until finally landing at theirs once again. She was clearly distressed that Ash and Misty had been sitting at the table for almost an hour, and ordered nothing but awkward stares and a glass of water.

"Are you ready to order?"

"Just let me die." Misty muttered into her hands that were now flat against the table, as was her head. Ash stared up through hazy eyes at the waitress, wanting to get over this hump. Least she was suffering from their love drunk hangover, too. Ash wasn't thinking when he answered:

"Pancakes. Three plates. A side of waffles, one of those nice chocolate sundaes and a side of every type of meat you have."

The waitress blinked, clearly not believing him; but then Misty added;

"And some coffee—and hot cocoa for the lad." She gestured to Ash who nodded frantically, not breaking eye contact with the waitress, and then looked back at one another to still feel as horrified as they were only seconds ago.

Eyes darted and they ate in silence.

XOX

Pikachu pried the two of them from the small cafe, convinced them to go for a walk. A long walk, and talk, or do something.

"We should battle."

"Totodile is still weak from yesterday."

"Pokemon center?"

"Even out here," She gestured to the small town they were in, "People will recognize you at a pokemon center."

Ash mumbled, keeping a good foot away from her, or else sparks would fly. He needed to contain himself. How did he get through all of yesterday without the same intensity?

"How about a movie?" he suggested, and Misty shook her head frantically, and walked faster.

"No place dark with limited people."

Ash didn't speak right away.

"We could go swimming?" he asked, trying to edge in some kind of activity. Misty stared at him, then nodded.

"That's not a bad idea."

XOX

Laps. Misty wanted to swim laps; and he hated that she won every time. Ash had size, strength and stamina over her; and yet she was still faster, she was still more agile and she won every time! Ash sat fuming at the local swimming pool they paid tickets to get into, to swim in the adult swimming pool. While he and pikachu sat at the edge, Misty was still at it.

Back and forth, back and forth. He wondered if this was how she spent her days on a regular basis. Back and forth she went again and Ash huffed.

He wasn't jealous. She did this for a living, along with those weird ballets. He was proud of her.

And jealous. He kept thinking of incidents where if they were stranded, she would have to be the one to swim. If a kid was drowning, she would have to jump in after the kid. If he was drowning, she would be the one to save him. Not that she hadn't done that before. Actually, it wasn't jealousy, admiration felt more reliable description, but the knots in his stomach prevented him from admitting such an accusation. His thoughts made him feel really warm—other times, like now—it made him want to peel out of his flesh.

This morning was too much—yesterday was too much. She was too much. Back and forth she went again, and Ash needed a break. Some air to breath; to talk with someone. Anyone.

Ash fled the pool, Misty wouldn't even notice; since she went back and forth so quickly. This was her way of fizzling out, Ash needed to find his—but he had no clue where to start. Typically, Misty would leave, that gave him weeks to work past his issue, to focus on something else; but with her here, he could only imagine what she looked like—Nope! He wasn't thinking like that! Not about Misty! Up until a few months ago, Ash wasn't aware he could have so many feelings for a girl, so he was definitely not feeling such sinful feelings! He wasn't panicking, far from it. He and Misty were friends, they were companions, and despite his obscure understanding of their relationship, he knew his feelings weren't abnormal.

He ran to Brock like a child. He would have called Gary, but Gary would have laughed at him.

"Hey, what's up?" Brock answered after Ash broke down and turned his phone back on. He sat in the locker room, back against a freezing cold metal locker, the rest of the room silent beside a small drip in the distance from the showers.

"Nothing much, what are you up to?" Ash mumbled, clearing his throat. Brock snorted on the other side.

"Did you and Misty get into another fight?"

Ash gawked, red faced. "No." he gasped, a little insulted. "The opposite, actually."

"...You..." immediately, there was a pause, followed by the sound of Brock dropping his books—Ash probably caught him at school. A moment passed before Ash caught onto his shock.

"Oh, no. No way Brock. Not that." He tried to laugh, but he felt so much pain in his stomach when he did.

"Oh thank mercy." Brock sighed, and Ash suddenly felt betrayed, narrowed his eyes, even.

"What's that mean?"

"It means you two aren't ready for that! Not for another ten years at least!"

Ash opened his mouth, then closed it—had Brock not seen them together since his victory party? Clearly Brock wasn't aware of their destructive fight and make up cycle. Ash looked up, realizing, come to think of it, no, Brock hadn't. No one had really spent any time with them together, outside of this weekend. He didn't correct Brock, but he also wasn't going to ask for his advice anymore. Not if that was Brock's idea of help.

Ash's apparent silence was alarming, since Brock added;

"You wouldn't be lying to me, would you?" At his worried tone, Ash laughed, and felt the pressure wash away.

"No. I would freak out, you know I would."

"I don't know, I've heard stories."

"From who?"

"Well, no one, actually, but I can only imagine. If you two make love like you fight-" Ash stopped him by choking on air and dropping his phone. Ash scrambled for the object, let the moment pass. Well, Ash sighed, Brock didn't have to worry about anything now. He then said:

"That's..you imagine us, huh? That's pretty weird."

Brock might have been flustered, but he played it off rightly. "You're weird." followed immediately by; "Why'd you call, anyways?"

"No reason, was just checking in. Misty says hey."

"...Just checking in..." Brock didn't sound convinced, "Where are you right now?"

"The locker room."

"Huh-huh. Why?"

"Misty kicked my butt at swimming laps. My ego is bruised." Ash lied playfully, but it wasn't untrue.

Brock dropped his phone laughing so hard, and Ash crossed his hand over his chest while pikachu preoccupied himself with the faucet to get a drink.

"You should know better! She does that for a living." So Ash had deduced already.

"Apparently! She's swam like a billion laps! How is she not the size of the hulk yet?"

"Ash—Ash." Brock wheezed. "As funny as this conversation is, why don't you get off the phone with me, and actually spend some time with her?"

Because spending time with her was confusing and his body was a minefield. Ash thought, but then said instead: "Because she's still swimming laps."

"Honestly that girl." Brock sighed. "It's your fault for taking her swimming—but I have a class, so I'll talk to you later and don't do anything I wouldn't do."

Ash glanced at the clock. "Wait—you have a class at this hour?"

"Knowledge never sleeps." Then Brock hung up on him. Ash stared down at his phone for a long time, wondering what in the world Brock thought was a good idea—it was at least eight in the evening in the Johto region, and he was just starting a class. Commitment, and yet he was still himself.

The locker room was a deep grey, dark from a lack of sunlight and proper lighting, but he could hear the sound of the pool only a few feet away, of Misty probably still swimming. A mix of sweat and chlorine blasted his nose, and though the facility wasn't yet busy so early in the morning, Ash exhaled.

How was he supposed to face her, exactly? Every time he looked at her his stomach felt tight and he either want to scream or pass out. Butterfrees were normal, he was used to the feeling Misty had given him over the last few months, but the gyarados at the pit of his stomach... he was new, and Ash sure wished he'd stop.

"Pikachu-pi pika pikachu." the mouse pointed, telling him that Misty was wondering where he was. While Ash couldn't hear her, pikachu's keen hearing was beyond him. With the last of his dignity, Ash scrapped himself off of the locker room wall, and moved right as his phone ringed.

He looked at the name, and knew it by heart. His boss. Ash sighed.

"I should take this." Ash muttered, then waved to pikachu. "Go tell Misty I'll be there in a minute."

"Pika~" The mouse squealed, then bounced out of the locker room while Ash answered the gear, placing it to his ear.

Immediately, the sound of a roaring anger hit him.

"What kind of joke do you think this region is?!" the man screamed. Naturally, Ash flinched and held the phone away from his face; before he could get a word in, the man started again.

"Running off from your duties—we let it pass at the meeting because your girlfriend was in town, turned a blind eye—but running a muck in neighbouring cities like some hooligan! Have you seen the images popping up about you; what they're saying about you! You're a laughing stock, all you were good for was your image and the Kalos region media is in an uproar—competing in silly costumes in underground tournaments! You...You're a disgrace to the Kalos name."

Ash gulped.

"I want you back in Lumoise City today. Before noon so we can try to fix this stupid game of yours. Hopefully people will believe it wasn't you gallivanting around route fourteen last night catching pokemon out of a river and helping in street shows."

Ash closed his eyes, his voice didn't waver, and he soaked it in.

"If you want to make a mockery of the region, do it in your own home region; not the elite!"

Ash jumped when the phone line ended abruptly, and he was left standing in the dark room, alone. All good things had to come to an end.

XOX

"You shouldn't let them treat you that way." Misty roared on the bullet train back to Lumoise City; Ash hadn't said much since the phone call, nothing that he didn't mutter between sentences while telling her they needed to go back.

"It shouldn't be a crime to have a day off, or be yourself."

Ash didn't interfere, he just let her vent, since for some reason, he couldn't find the energy to. For a long while, he wasn't sure what he felt; it wasn't anger, or confusion; but it was far from scared or happy. The problem wasn't that he had a day off, the problem was that he skipped work. Ran off, gallivanted around, as his superior put it.

The problem wasn't that he couldn't be himself; the problem was that he was an eighteen year old acting like he was ten again. However, she kept going, keeping a running list of reasons the Kalos region was cruel and treating him badly.

Technically, Ash was the one who was treating the region badly. He did make a mockery of himself and his title. People would laugh when they saw him now, and he found it funny how much he cared about faceless people opinions of him. He couldn't remember caring so much before.

Between sighs, Misty would pat his back, and the fire that pressed into his flesh form her touch before was clearly absent. The emotional roller coaster he rode up and down came to a screeching, burning, halt at the end of the line, and he was stuck with himself, his angry boss, and a yammering redhead.

"Misty, stop." Ash muttered, shaking his head and lowering her hands to her lap to get her sit still. She wasn't a raving lunatic, she was always too quiet to come off as crazy in public, but he couldn't listen to her complain about his job for him anymore.

"Sorry." she mumbled into the quiet of the morning train, and Ash rubbed his face and settled into the seat once again. Quietly.

XOX

They found his hotel room first, took the back-entrance into the hotel and found their way up the elevator for a quick shower and change of clothes. Misty, hoping to make up for her mistake pulled on her tights under her short-shorts to cover her legs, and threw on a cheap-hoodie she bought from the convenience store on their way back into town.

Gone was the laughter, and the playful banter. Ash was in a lot of trouble. He allowed her to shower first, though, so she could wash the chlorine form her skin and hair, and while she fidgeted on his bed; she didn't know what to do with herself.

A whirlwind; that was the best way to describe her actions yesterday. Talking Ash into ditching his job, that wasn't her. Misty didn't do those kinds of things. Sure, they had fun, but they were both too old for that nonsense. Misty wouldn't have done it—of course, her job wasn't so strict she wouldn't have been able to take a day off if she was 'ill'; and she certainly wouldn't have been reprimanded for having fun in a city. Then again, she found Kanto region to less strict in their regulations; she had never met a champion who hated their job as much as Ash apparently hated his.

Misty was sure to double check the legality of their participation in the small tournament, of their helping the townsfolk with their plays and street acts. Of fishing in the stream; the only real blunder Ash made was of himself, and it wouldn't be the first time. Ash had dressed up as a girl on many occasions, of course...back then, he wasn't a world-renown hero, or Kalos league champion. Misty let her head fall into her hands, shaking from the thoughts swirling in her head, and blaming herself. She was being selfish, convincing him to first leave, and then have him make a fool of himself in front of a million people.

..and yet, if she had to do it again, she would. He looked so happy, genuinely happy.

When he popped out of the shower, wearing fresh black slacks and no shirt, no electricity flared. In fact, she looked away shyly. He wasn't in a panic, but he was worried, and looking for an appropriate shirt. Misty jumped up, sifting through a pile of fresh clothes tossed over the back of a chair in the corner of his room, and handed him a blue blazer.

"Here." She mumbled quickly, and Ash took it then change rapidly, tossing a quick thank you.

"Can we talk?" Misty asked, but knew right away it was a poor choice in wording. When he looked at her with dead brown eyes, she wanted to kidnap him, put him in a box, return to sender.

"Later. I really need to take care of this."

She was on her feet in an instant. "Great. Let me explain what happen, I will take all the blame for this."

Ash put up his hand, stopping her from following. "...Thanks, Mist, but I think I should handle this one alone."

"But-"

"I don't need you to fight my battles for me." his voice was so torn and honest, she backed off immediately, letting her body fall onto the edge of his bed and watched him leave without another word. Pikachu wasn't sure who to follow for a few minutes, looking between the exit door and Misty, and then she gave the small pokemon the go-ahead, and watched him leave from the poke-door on the bottom.

XOX

Misty didn't need to think how the new meeting was going—the news kept her updated. Hours had ticked by already, watching Ash play pick-me-up. He looked so uncomfortable on camera, accepting the Sunday afternoon interviews to clear his name.

"And, is it true Mr. Ketchum, that you dressed up as a girl to compete in an illegal tournament?"

She saw the rush of frustration, the way his eyes twisted to see someone standing off screen, and then the tell he used to cover his mouth when he was lying. She wondered if he noticed he always covered his mouth when he was lying, but then curled her fingers in her her lap, and sat against his pillows.

"You know, they didn't want me to say yes—but." the image appeared, and Ash made a very convincing girl, because it clearly was not him. "It's so me. I really liked the blonde hair."

The interviewer laughed, as another picture flicked through, and the crowd was laughing. Clearly, no one believed it was him anymore. After all, how could spiffy, slicked back hair Ash Ketchum be caught dressing as a girl?

Misty's phone rang, and she ignored it. Her sister was probably watching the same news broadcast.

"No, I was sick yesterday. I spent the whole day in my hotel room."

And for once, Misty was grateful she borrowed Ash's red cap for the majority of yesterday's antics. It made lying..so...so much easier. Of course. He wouldn't have to lie if she wasn't the worst girlfriend on the planet.

"News reports said your girlfriend was in town, that she attended yesterday's morning meeting with you."

Ash swiped at his lips again, his eyes darted to someone off screen.

"Yeah, she left after that." but he didn't say anything else, and by that point; Misty couldn't watch anymore. She switched the station to something in another language, just to numb the pain swelling in her chest.

A part of her wondered if she should just go. Her plane wasn't set to leave until closer to midnight, but at this rate, he probably wouldn't miss her. Might even be grateful she cut their visit short.

Her reasons might have been selfish...but it was so nice to see him smiling again, without all the pressure on his shoulders. For a little while, it was as if they were two normal, young adults, not aspiring pokemon masters caught in the limelight.

XOX

When Ash returned, it was a quarter to ten, and he found Misty in the same position he left in. Seeing her, still here, he wanted to collapse on top of her and call it a day. His muscles relaxed immediately, and he thought for a split second he could put the whole thing behind them. He saved his reputation, made his manager happy, took on a few painful interviews that would air over the next few days, and, hey, saved his reputation. Did he mention that one? Why did he care so much.

Ash loosened his collar when he went to fall next to her, but she sat up; eyes wide.

"Hey. How'd it go?"

"About how'd you expect." Ash grumbled, rubbing his hair and causing natural spikes to rise once again. "They lectured me for an hour before we even tried to fix things. They tried to get me to sign-" he stopped, catching immediately onto her stare, so wounded.

"It's not your fault."

"Sort of." Misty shrugged.

Ash shook his head, her guilt for his actions was not something he needed to add to his stress. "No, you didn't make me do anything."

"I kind of gave you an ultimatum."

"That you gave me an out of. Listen, I don't want to talk about this-Ash shares his work life is over. I hate my job, what more do you want me to say, Misty? Lie to you, tell you it's great?"

"Well, no. They treat you terribly." At that nuisance, he had enough.

"They wouldn't have to if I wasn't a terrible champion!" Flabbergasted, Misty stood up to his proclamation.

"You're not a terrible champion; if anything you're the best they've had! I see more reports about you than I have any other Kalos league champion! Your people's hero!"

"Mist." Ash breathed, trying to contain his anger, the feeling of doing so strange. He usually just exploded. "I dressed up as a girl, in an illegal tournament. How do you think people will like knowing their champion, their hero-" she chimed in quickly.

"Is a normal person?" She wheezed, Ash winced at the accusation. "I'd hope they'd be happy to know you're human underneath all this hair gel."

Ash stewed, and they found themselves in a glaring match.

"I'm an adult now!" Ash shrieked, clearly defensive. This was not what he wanted, and yet, here they were. She refrained herself from saying you're an adult doesn't make you one, and bit her tongue to respond differently.

"Adult or not, you shouldn't hate your job!" Misty fell back on, and Ash threw up his arms.

"And yours is so great!?"

"Yes!" She snapped, and Ash literally took a few steps back, blinking.

Maybe he shouldn't have been as surprised as he was. After all, Misty chose to stay at the gym these last few years, made a good reputation for herself; he shouldn't have had a reason to believe she was as miserable as he was. ...Not that he was miserable, or anything. He wasn't admitting to that. Ash gritted his teeth as Misty continued.

"I am my own boss, I mean, sure, I have to pass league inspections, and occasionally they're a little rough, but that's not hard. I'm good at what I do, and I'm respected for that. We get our normal amounts of gossip, but in the end I get to do what I want, when I want. I work so hard out of respect for my league, for my bosses—for my elite Four and my champions. They certainly don't force me into interviews, or tell me how to act my age, or scold me like they're my parent!"

Ash snapped, throwing up his arms.

"Well good for you! I'm glad your dream ended up being so great!"

A pause before Misty shook her head, awestruck at his response. He wasn't listening to her. He was trying, but he wasn't hearing a lot of noise behind the screeching in his own mind.

"Why do you do that? Shut me out when I try to help and you?"

"Yeah, because rubbing my nose into how great your life is, is so freaking wonderful."

"I wasn't rubbing your nose in it!"

"Then what was that whole 'I am my own boss' spiel? Trying to make me feel better?"

"Yes!"

"Well it's not working!"

They were both screaming, pikachu's ears were down trying to mediate their conversation to a level of civility, but at this rate, they would be getting invaded by hotel personal long before the spitting match ended. It had been years since pikachu saw either of them so angry—if ever at all.

"I'm trying to say that they have no right to treat you this way! Stand up for yourself! You're the friggin champion for god's sake!"

"No! They do! Because I should already be prepared to act this way! Misty! They don't expect anymore more from me than they did the other million champions before me! I attend meetings, and tournaments, and fundraisers, and—it's just what I'm supposed to be doing. It's even listed in my job title."

"Then why do they treat yo-"

"They don't!" Ash confessed, shoulders high. "I'm miserable, because I make it hard on myself." His words seemed to surprise himself. Ideas he had thought about, mentioned offhandedly, but had never truly confessed to. Ash surprised himself more when he kept talking.

"I can't be everywhere I'm expected, I can't do everything I want to! I can't battle freely, I can't go for walks outside, or even have a nice trip without someone expecting something of me! But that's on me! That's me shirking my responsibility! I'm not a kid anymore, I can't act like some wild ten year old anymore!"

Misty wasn't sure what else she could say to get through to him. "Then why can't you ask for a day off once in awhile, get away from the league?"

"Because I don't want to!"

The walls came breaking down. Ash let his head fall back. Misty tried to contain the spark of anger in her eyes. So many cancellations, so many excuses, only to find out what she had already suspected. It wasn't Ash's fault she would defend, but honestly. It was. Her rage wasn't in check anymore when he started to clarify.

"I mean...I want to, it's just there's never been a good time. I was setting up that tournament, and helping with-"

"And just because I love my job doesn't mean I'm any less busy; yet, I took time off to come see you!"

"I didn't say that!"

"You didn't have to!"

Now he was on the defensive again.

"You know, if you wouldn't come in here, playing mind games all the time, maybe it wouldn't be so bad! But I can't tell if one week you're going to be the Misty I love or the Misty I can't stand!"

Ash slammed his hand over his mouth—there wasn't a Misty he couldn't stand. He loved every version of her, even the most complicated and agitated, but she made him so...so damn angry all the time! He was about to correct himself when a fiery redhead grabbed her backpack.

"The Misty you can't stand?" She smiled. "You mean, the second me, who lives in my shadow? Well guess what, it's all or nothing, Ash!"

"Ditto!" he followed her sarcasm, but his abrasive response did nothing to slow her movements, she was collecting her items, whatever wasn't already sealed in her small red bag.

"You know—I know I expect a lot, but what about you, Ash Ketchum? You want me to just fall in line, be okay with you just popping back into my life whenever it's convenient for you and leaving whenever you want?"

"No."

"Then why don't you take a trip to Kanto? You've already said you can take time off—oh wait, you don't want to!"

"Because I'm busy!"

Misty laughed at that.

"Is this what we are?" She asked, cocking her head to one side. "We fight, we get angry, we storm off and we make up? Rinse and repeat?"

Ash didn't say anything.

"Because I'm sick of it. I'm sick of always fighting with you, for sticking up for you, for defending you when I hate to say it, everyone's been right for the last few months!"

"About what?"

"You only want me when it's convenient for you. Unfortunately it's just part of the turf."

"That's not true!" he snapped and Misty blinked.

"Really?'

"I paid to bring you here!"

"Yeah, you did—during a time that worked only for you. The same way you only called when it worked for you."

"Yeah, and your mixed signals and keeping things from me was so much better! I didn't know what to expect from you, if you'd be happy, or upset or—You were supposed to be supportive and yet-"

"I tried to be, but maybe it's because you weren't around! Even after you said you would be!" she screamed louder now, then found herself teetering on a wobbly voice, fighting the tears at the back of her eyes with every fiber of her being. "What did I expect, I mean, after all, you were gone for four years? What the hell did I expect from you?"

Ash felt his mouth open and nothing else came out. A low blow. Misty knew she had crossed a line, and retracted her statement. Calmer now that the fire was burning out. His absence was a taboo subject she was clearly still upset about; something they hadn't worked on. Come to think of it, they didn't work on anything. They tried to pick up where they left off, and there wasn't a lot to grasp at anymore. They couldn't talk about their issues because one or both of them would shut down, but they couldn't work past them if they couldn't talk about them.

Misty inhaled, enough was enough.

"We had the right idea; but at the wrong time."

Ash stared at her.

"We're clearly not ready for this—god." She breathed, leaning back trying to wrap her head around her own confession. "I'm not ready for this, and I've been waiting for this since I was eleven."

Ash blinked, the anger in his eyes washed away completely. No humor laced her words; she was serious.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You're not..." She stopped, no, this wasn't only his fault. "We don't work."

"We fell in love when we were kids. Clearly something has changed. We're messed up, that's the only way I can describe this horrible thing we've created. One second we're happy, the next we're ready for a fist fight! I'm not the best at relationships, but even I know this isn't healthy."

Betrayal replaced grief in his eyes, she saw the way they watered, and bit down her own sadness. Pikachu jumped away from Misty at her words, ears high and mouth drawn.

"We don't work." She repeated. "Somewhere in the midst of growing up, we screwed up somewhere."

Ash couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"Yeah, and you're so much better at it then I am, right? Being the better adult."

"I didn't say that."

"You don't have to! I'm the one who always gets blamed! Your life starts falling apart, that's my fault, too, huh? We fight—so why don't you just say it? I'm at fault!"

Maybe that was the hero in Ash, wanting to shoulder the situation, take the blame, but while Misty wanted to tell him she was also at fault, that she was just as much the problem as he was; instead, she found herself twice as mad that he thought for one second she blamed him.

"Then technically it was! Is that what you want to hear?" Misty shouted. "It was your crazy fans that came out of the wood works throwing bricks through my windows! Your fans who broke into my apartment while I was asleep."

"Yeah, so I'm supposed to have control over how the media acts! You want me to be a rocket scientist too?"

"Well you're the one who apparently exudes complete control over every situation; so yeah! Why not?" Somewhere, wanting to fix their problems had been mashed behind pint of stress and sarcasm. They were both pulling at strings now.

"You know, if you didn't want to be here, I didn't ask you to be!"

"Yes, you did." She corrected him. "Let me make it up to you he said, let me try again, he said."

"And I have been! You're the one with too many damn issues to see that I'm trying!"

Misty wasn't sure what to say to that. "I don't know what you want form me, Misty!"

"I wanted you!" She shouted back, silencing him, "Not who you pretend to be now, but who you were. That guy who was reckless and ran after his dreams, who jumped head first into adventures not because he was a child but because his dreams lead him there—not the guy who settles for some half-backed idea of a regional champion! You're barely even yourself, Ash, and don't you dare tell me it's because you've grown up and changed, you're a walking zombie!"

Ash shrugged, and Misty saw the depth of his injury. "So you don't want me unless I'm the heroic, always optimistic, never giving up Ash Ketchum, huh? The one who just keeps moving forward—boy, did we just go full circle!"

"No!" Misty yelled, amazed and yet terrified he wasn't getting it. "I wanted all of you or none of you! I don't just want the face you put on in a crisis, or the goofball I can play around with! I want your problems, and your strengths! I want everything or nothing!"

Ash's sarcastic smile died after that. Misty fell backwards, licking her lips and straining to find the right words.

"I don't..." She inhaled. "I didn't expect you to drop your life here, or to stop being a great trainer, or a champion—I didn't expect this to be easy—but I also didn't want to be a reason for you to pretend like what you've settled for is what you wanted. You stopped trying months ago, can't you see that?"

No, he couldn't.

"We...we don't work together, Ash. We never have. You put us in a room together and we're great for about an hour. After that if we don't start making out, we start biting at our heels. We need a referee, and Brock can't always be here."

"I-We need a break."

Maybe that wasn't what he expected to hear at the end of this. He was so used to fighting and making up, he forgot there was another option. He buried the break his in chest with pursed lips and then winced. A few years ago, he would have fought with her; a break was clearly not what they needed—it was a break that did this to them. Being apart for so many years, away from one another. They simply didn't know much about each other anymore. But he didn't say any of that, instead, he said:

"If that's what you think."

She'd be lying if a part of her didn't want Ash to fight her on the decision. But after coming so far, she couldn't just go back. They weren't fixable, or changeable, and they needed to sort this out rather than rushing in blindly. Even if that meant time apart.

"It is." she said unconvincingly.

"You're wrong, though." He said quietly and Misty for once didn't take it as a challenge, she only rolled her shoulders, then mimicked him. Bit her tongue to keep her cries to herself. There was no reason to make this harder on him; easier he hated her after this than to continue making his life harder.

"If that's what you think."

And they were at a stalemate. Staring each other down, so many things left unsaid, so many things that they couldn't, and wouldn't say. Some that would inflict pain, others that would being the healing process. However, Ash wanted to be the bigger person, he wanted to turn away from her, tell her to take the time that she needed; but he just got her. Maybe it was because Ash wasn't a quitter, but despite what she may have thought, he didn't want to let her go.

What was her problem? His fists clenched and they glared at one another.

"Goodbye, Ash." and yet he did.

For her.

"...Bye, Misty." And he broke eye contact, fighting back the tears as she spun around and retreated down the stairs, through the hordes of fangirls screaming at the seems of the hotel, and falling back onto his bed, where he stared at his hands and squeezed his eyes shut.

If he loves her, let her go.

Author's Note:

End part 1.

THAT FIRST PART WAS SO HARD TO WRITE. I AM SO FLUSTERED RIGHT NOW. -ehem-

In the anime, game, and other stuff; how I originally had the Kalos region in my head, was it was like the 'top tier' of the leagues (because ash was penned as his best in the XY series, so I honestly thought that if it -wasn't- a reboot, he would be facing his strongest opponents, using his strongest pokemon) With that in mind, that's why mega evolution was always a prominent key, only the truly experienced trainers could compete successfully in Kalos. This applies to their entire region—everything in the Kalos region is shiny and of good quality so the standards Ash is expected to live under aren't what his friends are used to. Kanto region, or the OS, if you will, was the blaring opposite of that. Ash 'being himself' for a day resulted in some harsh realities. Maybe he doesn't belong, or maybe he isn't the problem?

-pulls collar nervously- Idk, I feel like this shouldn't have been unexpected? (i read the reviews, I think a lot of you predicted this) Their fight-make-up habit had to end somewhere; BUT IT CAN ONLY BE UP FROM HERE, RIGHT? So, like most things, let me explain why I did this (not just for the sake of drama, I hope) but because I actually felt like it had to happen.

They're both super immature in regards to relationships, specifically. They both have so much more to learn before diving head first.

In regards to Ash: I've gone back and forth with this a lot, jumping between 'maturity and canon' and the line I keep crossing is the line that neither of them are ready. A big theme of Spitfire was that Ash was kind of thrown into a relationship he wasn't ready for, only to end in a relationship he thought that he was. However, the course of Spitfire lasted exactly THREE DAYS. That's not enough time to develop any real sense of moral compass and maturity to improve/grow/understand how a normal, functional relationship exists. (this applies to Misty as well) Followed immediately by his whole life changing, he hasn't handled it well. Prior to Spitfire (as I have hit this horse many times) they weren't in contact for almost four years. Ash is still out doing his own thing, but unsure of how to do still 'be himself' and 'be in a relationship' so begins the mess that was the last 25 chapters. Not that it's entirely Misty's fault, but she had a hand in helping, as did his job, and former companions (or lack there of). Really, unlike his life prior to winning the league, Ash had to not only sit still, listen to what other people told him to do, he had to try to rekindle a friendship ,not only a relationship. But what came first? His duty to his title, his friends, his pokemon or what else? Ash isn't and has never been any good at internal struggle; he comes to the simplest, easiest solution and generally has pretty good intuition. That's why he says "You're wrong" to Misty. he realizes that this isn't handled appropriately, and they both know it, but they're simply not -ready-.

In regards to Misty: Misty is a romantic, that's partially her downfall(?). She knows that she wants Ash to be his own person and be successful, but she also wants him around, in a way for things to be like they used to be. However, she also sees that Ash is falling apart before he realizes that he is (and partially blames herself?). He's stuck, and she hates seeing him that way, especially when she can't fix it or knows how. That's why she has had the internal conflict of just wanting to leave him alone, and also blaming him for this being an issue in the first place, and blaming herself for adding to the problem. In her mind Ash was 'better off' when she wasn't around; after all, he found success and greatness in the 4 years they didn't talk. She also didn't want to burden him with her problems (problems they hadn't figured out how to talk about without it turning into a screaming match). Convinced he will better sort his problems out without her, she can only think to run. I've hinted at it occasionally, but a large part of this reaction is because Ash's 'actions' in the last 25 chapters have been reminiscence of bailing on her in the first place, so she wants to 'get out' before he has the chance to cut the cord himself. This is why, despite Ash calling her 'wrong' for making the decision to 'take a break', she still leaves.

In conclusion; They're not on the same wavelength. I went back and read Spitfire, and as early as their first date (I would actually argue even before that), the problems outlined these last 25 chapters have been bright as day (to me, but maybe I'm staring at a flash light?) Yes, they belong together, but so much of their personalities and lives have changed since they were kids, too much to assume that they can 'just pick up where they left off'. Frankly, they jumped in too quickly, too soon, and without enough boundaries. That's where this whirlwind came from.

Anyways; Don't hate me, I promise it gets better? -cries- i love you guys? ;w;

Next chapter

NINT