-CHAPTER TWENTY TWO-
I PROMISE YOU
Sunday November 22 2009
CHRISTIAN
MY BREATHING SLOWED as the irregular thud of my heart lumped in my throat. What a biblical fuck up. Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out as the glass fogged over, clouding my vision.
"Shit, Shit, Shit." I moaned to myself.
The pulsing beat, my uneven weary heart weighed down my chest. Surveying the crowd, she never left my sight. As the guests disbursed from the water's edge she was alone.
Again, I'm a dick. It's official, with a capital D. I'm sure I'm the number one member on Ana's 'dick list'.
Whispering with utter most veracity, 'Why do I get side tracked?' My head bounced repetitively on the glass, 'fuck, fuck, fuck!'.
I knew I should have declined Ros' call.
The physical pain meant nothing, it was the other pain which hurt. My forehead glued to the window pane, straining to see my girl.
'Fuck, she's going to take it the wrong way.' I mumbled to myself.
Dragging my head back, trying my best to gain some balance, I looked above wanting to scream but I could only managed a small yelp as my fingers clawed down my throat.
Shit
Anger drained to my tightly wound knuckles, tight, and white lacking blood flow. I swung over my dresser, crashing an array of objects to the floor, instantly falling to the mess at my feet. My head rested in my palms, confused, with what was happening to me. This was not me, this was the old Christian. I need to get this shit, this anger under control.
What the fuck was wrong with me?
I'm inexperienced.
I'm trying to run a new business.
I'm a boyfriend, and…
I'm going to be a father.
Shit, shit and shit!
I can't deny it, I love her. Who couldn't love my girl? The feeling of dread and jealously seeped through. Just the thought of Ana being with another man makes my stomach knot. Who else has had feelings for her? Does she need to beat the neanderthal men with a club or am I truly her first?
A gulp gurgled down my throat. The faint memory of our first time lingered and I never want to forget any moment I've had with Anastasia Steele.
How am I going to truly express what I feel for her? The simple words are a challenge.
I'm in love with her.
The love I feel for her has happened so quickly. I've never jumped into anything this quick, ever. It's scaring the shit out of me, but I'm genuinely ready for our ride ahead.
Has the thermostat risen? My hands are sweating profusely, running my palms down my pants trying dry them.
Still on my knees, I peered through the bottom corner of the window, one last time.
The breeze flared her white gown, my ethereal girl. Pixie's once buoyant and bouncy curls wilted to a dull wave. It was her expression which spoke a thousand words, sagged shoulders, flushed cheeks, lowered head, bare feet scuffing the grass, with two shoes in her hand. Rejection.
Where the fuck was Mom or Dad, they must had known I was on a call? In the matter of all purposes, where were Kate or even my idiot brother?
Grandma Trevelyan? Entered the lady swaying in red.
Hauling myself away from the window, I knew I needed to clear the air, but how will I make this up to her? I left her alone, she doesn't know anyone!
Shit, I'm such an asshole!
The carpet beneath my feet began to wear as I paced to the east and back to the west.
Images flashed before my eyes, holding hands, my finger rubbing a ring, holding two small bundles and Ana's tears. The images were simple but to me they meant a thousand words.
"I'm going to say it to her face… not just in jest. Christian you can do this." I repeated over and over again.
"Pixie…" I shook my head.
"Ana…" tilting my head giving myself a slight frown. I need to be formal.
I continued to tread the carpet as my bare feet dragged causing my hair to become static.
"Miss Steele…" Nope, too formal.
Get your shit in order, Grey!
"Anastasia…" giving myself a nod of approval, I continued.
"I'm in love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Distance will not stop us, I can feel our connection, our affection, yearning… our devotion to one another. We will make this work. Please say you're following your instincts too. Anastasia, I'm revealing all… soul included." I cleared my raspy throat with a modest cough. "I love you."
Placing my ass on my desk, my finger nervously tapped a skittish beat. It was overcrowded within the small space but the words weren't stopping on this childish desk. Pen to page was all I needed before they were lost.
My fingers cupped the handle as wood planed as the drawer slid open. Its contents was organized in three sections. Writing implements on the left. Erasers, paperclips, staples on the right. Finally, wads of lined yellow note paper at the back.
They were ready to be utilized, baring one's soul to another.
…..
MY CELL VIBRATED as I stretched my stiff arms. Deltoid, biceps and triceps flexed. The pen still held tight in my right hand as my left wiped the wetness from my face. I turned to squint at the bright screen to see the battery was low and needed charging.
I must have passed out.
A large yawn escaped causing my ears to pop. 1:03am shone as my eyes tried to adjust to the white glow. Slightly lifting, from my chair, outside was dark and silent.
Staring at the page on the desk, my note was unfinished. The pen fell to the paper trying to keep up.
"By the way, I'm wearing the smile you gave me Pixie." I laughed at the truth of this statement.
"I loved you yesterday,
I love you today and
I am in love with you no matter how long our eternity will be."
It's a start and I know it will be never enough. It gives me comfort, the honesty I've expressed on the page. The ultimate goal was not just to win her smile but rather Pixie's heart.
Tossing my formal attire into the corner, I opened the dresser to find my Freshman Harvard T-shirt and pajama pants. With a quick check to ensure they still fit, I snapped the waist band and gave the little Grey a wiggle dance.
Perfecto! I had plenty of room to be free and wild.
I snatched the essentials: cell, charger and note. In a moment (with fingers and dick crossed) my fix will be sated and satisfied. I need her even if it's only to stroke her chocolate locks.
…..
HOLDING MY BREATH, I slowly turned the door handle into Mia's pink room. There was my girl snuggled up to three large fruit pillows in apricot, peach and watermelon in the already overdosed pink room.
The nightstand lamp was still alight making her complexion glowed a warm shade of rose, possibly fuzzy peach. Her lips were almost red and a small indent was evident on her bottom lip. It was a little more plump than usual.
With the last of my battery I took three photos:
1. Her glowing face,
2. The curve of her fingers, and
3. The slight bump of her abdomen.
Memories I never want to forget.
Siting on the edge of the bed, my hand stroked her long hair. Wild through sleep, I couldn't resist inhaling her scent. Even within deep sleep she drew comfort to my touch as goosebumps rose. Seeing her arm… slightly bruised, nothing compared to my eye. I'm thankful I didn't hurt her to the extent she would never see me again.
My hand never let go of my confession.
Almost mute I whispered her name. "Pixie. Can I sleep with you?"
Her body continued the slow rise and fall of sleep, unaware of my question.
"I need…" clearing my throat, "I would like to sleep with you." I bit the inside of my cheek, damn it if she heard that she's probably thinking the worst.
"Pixie… I don't mean sex." I cringed at myself, "Ahh, I mean sleep. I want to sleep with you under the covers." I took a slow breath and continued. "In this bed. With my hand over your chest and your arms around me. I should open the window ever slightly, so it gets chilly and there would be no other option but to cuddle close. No talking. Just sleeping and blissfully silence. With you, the love of my life."
I sighed… why can't I do this when she's conscious. My hand continued to stroke her cheek.
"I missed you." she spoke under her breath, unsure if she was awake.
"I'm truly sorry, Ana." I was torn, knowing I wanted to stay but I should go, she told me slow.
"Please… C… stay… no lemons…" Her face crinkled.
Lemons? Why the fuck was she referring to lemons?
I couldn't refuse, stripping my t-shirt and solely in my pajamas pants I slid into the bed beside her.
"Forever Pixie," I held her hand kissing it ever so slightly, rubbing her fourth finger, I didn't care that it was her right hand rather than the left. It meant a whole lot to me.
"I'm her boyfriend" I thought to myself.
"I would have to be her boyfriend." I began double guessing myself.
Slowly opening an eye, she focus was well beyond me. Ana mumbled.
"Where were you?"
"Shhh, Pixie. It's late, sleep."
Instantly her eyes closed.
I held her tight, refusing to let go the woman I planned to marry.
Her scent was simple, vanilla creamy ice cream. I couldn't stop watching her, memorizing her face, every small freckle, shape of her lip and the little V between her eyes as she slept.
Her pajamas were boy short panties. Nothing fancy but it didn't bother me. Simplicity at its best, a lace band around the waist and her t-shirt bunched under her breasts. Ana's stomach rose and fell, I couldn't help it as I placed a hand over her abdomen.
"Pixie, when do you think I will feel them? Can you feel them?" Her heavy breathing continued.
My finger brushed from the top of her mound, and her body shook at my touch. The indentation of her pubic hair under her panties made my cock tremble. Turning my finger over my nail, I moved over her tiny bump ending with a circle around her navel.
Our babies. We did this together, it wasn't a mistake, it was a blessing. I found the most beautiful woman in the world and she has stolen my heart.
Pulling down her top the words - "No pants are the best pants" blared in bold black font. I would need to agree no pants are the best.
A final kiss through the cotton shirt over her stomach, I sighed at the sight and rolled over to switched the lamp off. My precious note made its home on the nightstand.
…..
Sunday November 22 2009
I NEVER THOUGHT EUPHORIA would be so the love of your life and ensure they sleep within your hold.
Holding Ana's hand I gripped it tightly, pulling her fist to my lips.
Forever Pixie
Waking up seeing a sleeping Pixie was beautiful. Throughout the night she huddled closer and now I don't want to let go. Her scent is hypnotic and my nose goes directly to her crown smelling her hair giving butterfly kisses on her forehead.
Light was beginning to seep through the curtains giving Mia's room a golden warmth rather than a pink blush. As mother nature calls, I tried my best to untwine our grip. The sudden movements instantly woke my girl and her body went stiff.
"Ana?" I was confused by her reaction.
Her eyes flickered but it was obvious she was still partially asleep.
Ana flung up in bed releasing my grip. As she sat her breathing instantly changed to labored pants through her nose.
"C…I… I think—" her hand went to her mouth, she stumbled off the bed as she ran to the en-suite.
Bewildered with what was happening, the echoing sound of Ana vomiting was a tell tale sign her morning sickness was not under control.
Can you control morning sickness? It can't possibly be this bad all the time, if so lets call it PTSD. Pregnancy Trauma Sympathy Death… food poisoning which never leaves.
Trying to stay calm was a challenge while you hear the woman you love hurl her guts up. I thought back to when I was ill as a child. How did Grace relax and comfort me?
Reaching for the basin I warmed a face washer. Kneeling on the tiles, I pulled back her hair and patted the cloth over her neck.
"Shhh Babe…" I tried my best to aid her in this horrible situation. All hoping it would relieve some kind of stress or panic.
Once the violent force began to waver, she moved the cloth from my hands to clean her face.
"I'm never going to make it to the end." Dabbing her face with the damp cloth, "Any woman voluntarily choose to be pregnant… this is fucking horrible." She muttered with her eyes closed. "Never again Christian, this is it. I'm done."
Does she regret falling pregnant? She's already thought about no more kids… with me?
"Pixie… are you ok?" stroking her wet bangs from her face, "What do you want me to do?" I never been around anyone this sick other than Elliot when he was a teenager but that was self inflicted stupidity.
"Hey, do you want me to get my mom? I'm sure she wouldn't mind."
I'm concerned and I really don't know what to do, this was beyond anything I've experienced before.
"No, no."
She shook her head back and forth, possibly a little too fast for her weak morning body. A sense of déjà vu fell to the pit of my stomach as her labored breathing repeated.
Passing a glass of water to rinsed her mouth she whispered, "Christian be here for me. Please…" Before she had the chance to open her eyes, the vomiting started again.
Once Ana was done for the second time, she looked terrible so I suggested a relaxing bath.
…..
"CHRISTIAN… YOUR PAJAMAS PANTS," her giggle was irresistible as she pointed to my sleepwear.
Glaring at my pants I couldn't help but laugh. There over my legs were my old and colorful teenage mutant ninja turtle blaring at me in the face.
"Hey it was late, I didn't check." I pointed a finger to her face, giving her the gentle hint to stop.
She was beautiful and I couldn't help as my eyes roamed down her body.
"Don't get any ideas…" She looked at me as I lifted her no pants are the best pants t-shirt over her head.
My cock's appreciation for Ana's full and plump breasts were unavoidable as my eyes were drawn to them. Trying my best to think of cockroaches scuttling over my skin, the twitching eased as the head on my shoulders finally accepted dominance.
"I remember… slow. Let me help you." I lowered my voice as I slowly spoke.
"Can I wash you? Or do you want me to read… possibly feed you?"
"Honestly, Christian this is nice… but, but… you do all these wonderful things. We seem to form complications every time we are together and then you disappear." She never broke eye contact as she spoke.
She's beautiful.
Petite ankles submerged as the water engulfed her calves and then thighs. Instantly, her body relaxed in the bath. The vanilla foam covered her like a fluffy cloud as the ethereal being, my Pixie glowed a rosy pink. Finally, her healthy glow returned.
Holding a clean sea sponge in the air with a tilt of my head, I waited for her response.
"Vanilla please… I don't want lem—" her hand went to her face. Her eyes bugged out and tried to control her breathing." I was puzzled with her reaction.
"Just vanilla…anything else it makes my… stomach churn. Yellow citrus is the worst."
"Affirmative, mental note marked for future reference. For future baths." I winked.
"Christian." Her stern look returned, but changed in an instant.
"Ok."
I can't take these hormones!
Ana stared at my face trying to read me. Out of nowhere she burst into laughter.
Mercurial, much?
"Thank you gorgeous girl." I whispered in her ear.
The sea sponge rubbed over her body trying my best to avoid her breasts and sex.
"Where did you go? I needed you last night." It was obvious she was referring to my long disappearance.
"I…"
The sponge stopped in my hands paused on her lower breast and I didn't know what to say. I honestly thought I would be gone for a few minutes, not hours.
"Actually." She sat up in the bath and the fine foam slithered over her chest.
"I don't want to hear your string of excuses."
Rather quickly my hand flinched away, the words spinning around my head, this wasn't the time to upset her.
She was bare, and the air caused her nipples to form small peaks.
"Christian, you need to promise…" the head between my legs went into over drive again.
Control yourself Christian, you need to stay in control. Don't blow this, especially all over Michelangelo, Raphael, Leonardo and Donatello.
"Christian," Ana snapped and my eyes went straight to hers.
"You need to be in this 100%. If not for us, for our babies."
Her eyes lit as a small smile filled her mouth, hands went to either sides of the tub and she dunked herself under the water blowing bubbles. Immediately she lifted her head, hair wet and a small smile on her face.
My hand went to her stomach.
"You're growing. It's subtle, but growing… Does this worry you?" I lowered my voice, trying my best to control myself.
Ana's fingers danced over my hand, tickling each finger individually.
"What are you saying? Of course it worries me, I'm going to be the size of a house by the end."
"But we will have two babies to show for it."
"Are you always such a smooth talker?"
A laugh left my lips and I couldn't stop smiling.
"Pixie, I'm new to this. I'm blown away by your beauty and how you light up a room. I had to keep Wolfe at bay, but he suddenly abandoned all claims."
"Sorry, a wolf? Christian, there is no such things as werewolves."
My eyes rolled.
"Ana, I'm aware. The Wolfe I'm mentioning is a business rival and one of the many assholes who gave my life hell in high school. Graham Wolfe. He's a co-owner of Lyall-Wolfe TOF (Trade Operation Firm). One thing I was certain of he wanted in your panties."
I could hear the subtle gulp as she hunched back into the water covering herself. Eyes and nostrils peering over the waters surface.
"Don't worry about him, he's all bark and no bite. I'm your wolf… a large grey wolf," I chuckled, wiggling my eyebrows at her.
"Not funny, Christian," jumping up again displaying her breasts, she slapped my arm.
"As I was saying… Last night…" My finger caressed down her arm, only touching dry skin. "You were a princess. I'm 100% serious I want this to work. I realized we are both at awkward stages in our lives and there is also the problem living on either sides of the country. I want this to work… I want us to work, Ana. I don't want to to lose you."
Ana's mouth opened and I noticed the tear falling.
"Don't cry."
She quickly wiped them away.
"I have never… I mean never felt this much love over one woman. Only you." my hand caressed her chin, my thumb padded her bottom lip.
"Anastasia Steele…" I jumped into the bath and slide between her legs, with my arms around her waist.
"Miss Steele… I never want to lose you. Period." I smashed a kiss over her plump lips.
"I love you… I love everything about you. I know I can be a number one jerk, asshole and a dick, but I swear the positives outweigh the negatives. Above all, I would be privileged to be your other half… your significant other. Please give… us a chance. Ana…" I looked directly into her blue eyes. "You know you have me under this spell which turns me into a complete fool. I can't apologize enough, again with how I disappeared last night. I watched you.. during the fireworks."
"Huh… Christian," I stopped her from speaking as my thumb rubbed over her lips.
"Pixie… please understand, my business is only in its early stages. I was on a call with Ros, the other woman in my life…"
Ana interrupted me, "But," I could see the blood draining from her face.
"No… Ana, she's my business partner. We received our first huge deal and I went all business man mode. When I realized the fireworks had started, I looked outside. I was in my old room, and I saw you," I dropped my head. "You were an angel… dressed in white, barefoot. I couldn't look away. I was stuck to the window pane. I knew from that point I needed to show you… I started to write."
I jumped out of the bath soaked… and leapt into the bedroom, not a care in the world.
"Christian!" Ana squealed as water splashed everywhere.
I urgently held my notes as I returned… it was inevitable my semi would be seen. My pants strangled to my hard rod, poor Donatello's face was beyond distorted.
"Christian, stop."
"But Pixie…"
I held my notes in the air but she contravened with a single hand stopping me.
"Hop back in…" she giggled.
I smiled and I knew I wanted to do the biggest bomb into the water, but being only a large bath tub I ruled it out immediately. As my first foot entered the tub, for the second time she stopped me with a single hand.
"It's only fair to take them off." She blushed.
"Don't change the rules, Ana… Slow."
"But you're all wet." she pouted.
Ana shook it off and let me enter the bath again clothed. Clenching my notes, I began to read a loud.
…
I Promise You
I can't promise you
that dark clouds
will never hover
over our lives
Or that the future
will bring us many rainbows.
I can't promise you
that tomorrow
will be perfect
or that life will be easy.
I can promise you
my everlasting devotion,
my loyalty, my respect,
and my unconditional love for a lifetime.
I can promise that
I'll always be here for you,
to listen and to hold your hand,
and I'll always do my best to make you happy,
and make you feel loved.
I can promise that
I'll see you through any crisis,
and pray with you,
dream with you,
build with you,
and always cheer you on
and encourage you.
I can promise that
I'll willingly be your protector,
your advisor, your counselor,
Your friend, your family,
your significant other,
your everything.
I promise you.
And I believe that's what love is truly about.*
...
"Ana I'm pouring this—" my hand fell to my chest, tapping it. "My heart is only for you." Taking a strong hold of her own she hesitated, but I refused and carefully placed her palm to my heart.
Both our bodies were overwhelmed and our tears flowed.
"Hey." sniffing back my tears. "By the way, I'm wearing the smile you gave me, Pixie." My cheeks burned and I was flying high.
Throwing the page to the floor, my eyes were secured and unable to move from hers. My wet hands cupped her cheeks and my finals words I breathed into her delicate mouth.
"I loved you yesterday." My voice lowered in pitch and tempo.
"I love you today and—" I peppered a kiss on her nose.
"I am in love with you, no matter how long our eternity will be."
Our lips locked and tongues danced.
Ana was in shock unable to speak. She pulled away as her body sunk into the bath, almost submerging her face, with knees in the air. Her tears were hard and fast as her chest jingled in the tub.
Slowly calming to silence, she stared mouth wide.
"Please say something, Ana. Give me some indication here… because I'm male and—" I was breathing a little faster than normal, and the worry was clearly painted over my face.
Have I just blown it… was her definite answer no? Was it too much as I cupped her face and caught her tears.
Ana gave me relief with her gorgeous grin and jumped on top of me. Without warning her arms linked around my neck.
She kissed me with so much passion I wasn't prepared. Of course head number two was rearing to go as she ground down as my erection appeared from flaccid to sword in 1.3 seconds.
"Ana, slow." I tried my best by pulling away, but she was too tempting.
"I know you want to go slow. Ana, you will hate yourself. No closing off again or running."
I panted like a dog in heat.
"I'm trying hard here not to come in my pants, ok." My words were beginning to fail me.
"I don't care… take them off," she moaned over my lips.
"Ana, no I can't, I want to keep you. Shit. That came out possessive. I didn't me—"
"Shut up Christian."
"Ok, turn around move to the other end of the bath."
Pulling away I stood up and urgently removed my ninja turtle pajamas and black boxer briefs. They landed with a loud splat.
"Don't turn around Pixie, because I'll want you. I won't be able to stop."
Ana laying her back over my chest was an incredible feeling.
Skin to skin.
A/N:
* PTSD, Pregnancy Trauma Sympathy Death: Credit to blogger Tina M. "Understanding Morning Sickness: A humorous Attempt" it can be found at mothersniche dot com /understanding-morning-sickness/
* I Promise You* - Nicole Dominique. The original poem can be accessed: tiny dot cc/t5wbjy. Many internet bloggers/online authors have plagiarised this poem claiming it as their own. For all purposes, I have changed/added a few phrases, but all credit is to N Dominique.
Thank you for reading the new reworked/beta-ed "Misplaced & Found." If you haven't already done so, please favourite, follow, review and PM me regarding any M&F questions or concerns.
Don't forget I have a Pinterest board (check profile page for details), I'm going to try my best to post teasers there too, since it was brought to my attention last chapter not everyone has Facebook. Pinterest is free and no need to login to access boards.
I've been writing the final chapters of M&F very slowly (currently writing ch32/33, but 34-43 are planned out) this is due to RL, but as a reward for all the readers who are sticking it out (yes all you who have been with me from the start and re-reading the material again as I post every chapter) I will be posting a new 3-shot. It's a HOT one so if sexy A & C are not your thing give it a miss. So there will be a chapter for every remaining Saturday in the month of April to make up for the lack of M&F.
So see you soon for chapter 23 and chapter 1 of 'His Last Acquisition.' :-)
missmusicteach
