-CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE-
I MAYBE A TEASE, NOT A SLUT
Thursday 10th December 2009.
ANASTASIA
CLASS WAS GETTING INTENSE, after a week off it was killing me. Of course when illness strikes, it hits me like a tonne of bricks. Going from a simple head cold into a fulfilled chest infection, antibiotics and bed rest were a must. I tried my best to work from the apartment.
My lecturers and professors were understanding and gave me drawn out PowerPoints and lecture recordings. But after having been cooped inside for almost a week, I was done.
I was slowly making my way back to normalcy, if that counts being pregnant with twins, unemployed and a man you feel like you've turned down on so many levels.
Christian has been keeping my spirits up daily, sometimes with hourly messages and phone calls when he can, as long as it doesn't clash with my schedule.
CHRISTIAN: Beautiful Pixie, you are made to do magical things so believe in yourself. X PS I miss you.
Morning sickness can stick it, even though it's not as bad as it has been but it's not easy. Who would have thought my sprinting skills would have improved. My Phys Ed teacher from junior high would be proud, awe-inspired of my speed and agility, but most probably not the pregnancy. I've become the lightning bolt of my classes, and flew out of a few lecture theaters more than once. Vomit has even been propelled into plastic bags, and it was close with my backpack. Thankful it survived an early morning purge. I'm the queen of 101 of projectile bodily fluids.
Googling medical websites, and anything with the word morning sickness following a trick, which worked for some poor woman in the world has helped. At best I'm eating regularly. The frequency of bathroom breaks tells me my fluids are adequate, but sometimes it's swallowing that horse pill of a prenatal which reacts with my gag reflexes.
A small ping and vibration tells me he's checking in for today.
CHRISTIAN: Miss you, I hope you are feeling a little better today. X PS Move in with me.
I re-read the message while walking up the final flight of stairs, trying my best to keep in shape but not over do it. Some days I can do a single flight of stairs, and others five.
His short messages are sweet. Last night he discussed living arrangements after graduation. Christian forgets I still need to do things for me. I can't stop my life goals and be a doting S.O. trapped in the home with too much space and time on her hands.
Even though it's enticing, extremely enticing, we need to be real. We are still discovering each other. I realized we have two babies on the way, but not all parents are together. We may have done things in an order which does make my father cringe, but I'm stubborn. But on the other side of the coin, I do have strong feelings for the guy.
CHRISTIAN: Can I call? I've got a cancelled meeting. X
Biting my lip, we only spoke no more than 12 hours ago. It was wonderful hearing his voice, but I have a few papers to write, and plenty of research to do in the library. I drop my keys on the counter, and rummaged through the fridge for something, honestly I don't care what it is.
ANA: A very quick hello, I need to check on Kate. X
"Kate, are you home?" I called out, to the quiet apartment.
I stuff my face with a pesto pasta salad, green pickles, and mayo.
"Kate?" Her name was barely recognizable as I mumbled with a pickle in my mouth.
I slowly walked towards Kate's bedroom and the sound began to grow. My cell buzzed. Christian.
"Hey, C. " I whispered, still trying to find Kate.
"Pixie, I hope our children aren't causing too much havoc on your body," his voice hummed through the cell, me almost giving in, needing a cold shower.
I continued to walk through Kate's room, and onto the bathroom as a song played on repeat.
If you still want me, please forgive me,
The crown of love has fallen for me.
"Kate?" I opened the door, and found Kate almost hyperventilating on the floor.
If you still want me, please forgive me,
Because the spark is not within me.
*Crown of love - ARCADE FIRE
"Christian, I need to call you back."
I hang up without a thought, clenching tight to my cell.
"Oh my God, Kate? What's going on?" I dropped to my knees.
Kate dashed to the porcelain bowl, hurling up, which sounded not like much. The resonance and odor didn't help my own weak gag reflexes but I breathed through my mouth, sipping a little water from the faucet.
Trying my best to help her, resting my hand over her forehead, "Kate, you're burning up," I instantly dampened a wash cloth, moving her messy curls off her forehead, and tried cooling her face.
"Ana what am I going to do?" she sobbed.
"Well, I can make some chicken soup. You don't have the same cough I had, damn that infection was dreadful—"
"I'm not sick and I think the soup will make it worse," she lunged back to the toilet, spitting into the bowl.
It was when I saw the packaging everywhere and the familiar white sticks. I loosen her grip, and inspected the result.
Two pink lines.
"Ana," Kate pulled her head back, tears running down her face, "What am I going to do? Everyone's going to think the worst… I maybe a tease but I'm not a slut," she panted out, curling into my arms, "I'm pregnant."
I couldn't speak. This conversation was all too familiar from only a few short weeks ago.
…..
FUMBLING WITH MY CELL, I found Elliot in my contacts, and pressed call.
"Ana, please don't call him," Kate instructed, her whole body shaking looking utterly mortified.
In a panic I ended the call, but instantly he was calling me back.
Shit
Staring at the screen, "Well, now what am I going to tell him?" showing his name.
"Whatever you want, except this," she held up in rebuttal. The positive pregnancy test.
Taking a breath, gathering my thoughts, "Hey, Ell." I chirped through the cell.
"Umm, Ana, what's up? I was about to answer and you hung up? What gives?"
"Oh yeah, had a slight freakout. Buttt. Every-thing. Is. Fine," I held up a thumb and a big smile to Kate, and she dived over into the porcelain again.
"We all know you're a terrible liar, put my lovely lady on…" I hesitated, possibly for a little too long, "Ana, I said put Kate on." he insisted.
"Umm, she's currently indisposed." I bit the inside of my cheek, I hate lying! "Ell, she's got food poisoning. Vomiting. Baaaaad!" I held the phone so he could here the sounds. I closed my eyes, and bit on my lip, I can't believe I'm lying to my best friend's boyfriend.
"Well, sucks to be her. I should be there holding her hair back. Are you holding her hair?" my second pause was even more unconvincing.
"Umm yeah."
I wasn't, because I was freaking out lying to Elliot. He will work it out and most of all ask Christian what's going on.
"Good, she would be cursing herself if she got vomit on it. Well, you send her my love." he chuckled, "I'll call her later tonight. Also thanks for letting me know. Laters."
"Yeah… laters." and I quickly threw my cell to the counter, knowing the object is now part of evidence.
I deceived him. Oh my God.
"I lied. You know I'm a terrible liar. Kate, why did I need to lie to Elliot?" Kate wiped her eyes, "You guys are tight, and seriously lovey eyes from day one. This is a good thing, trust me it's overwhelming at first. You need to—"
"I don't think the baby is his." she blurted out.
I pulled my head back, shocked by her words.
"WHAT THE FUCK!" There wasn't anything else more appropriate. How did this even happen, those two have been inseparable, Jesus… Mister malachite.
"I had so much champagne," she was twisting her fingers into a ball, "I thought it was Ell… fuck Ana, I think I hooked up with this guy with damn dreamy green—"
"Jesus Kate, at Coping Together." shaking my head, rubbing my forehead, "You were giving a huge display at one point. But Kate, how could you do this?"
"I don't kn—" she curled her head over the bowl again.
"Come on," I said rubbing her back, "have a shower, I'll make some dry toast, and get some ice water."
Kate nodded, looking so sad for herself, "I'll be back in five, I'll be waiting in bed for you." I smiled.
The five minutes passed, which eventually became ten, then fifteen waiting in her bed which felt like clouds. I was starving and started to munch on the crusts of the toast.
"Kate?" I called.
Nothing.
Getting up, I knocked on the bathroom door. Privacy was one thing I made clear with Kate for bathroom etiquette, but Kate likes to do things a little differently and now I'm following her lead.
"I'm coming in." I exclaimed as I entered the bathroom.
Her clothes were in a ball, everywhere wet, like the tears streaming down her face. The shower curtain was opened wide, and she huddled in a ball naked in the bottom of the tub, with steaming water falling over her body. I quickly went into the shower, sitting behind her fully clothed with no care in the world, hugging my best friend, allowing her to cry.
"I don't want to brag on the wrong spectrum, but I can fuck up my life even without the consumption of alcohol. I've totally fucked up, haven't I?" I tensed and quickly rubbed her back, "Elliot has been the best guy I've ever met… fuck, I didn't plan this. Fuck! I never plan a thing, but I had plans with Ell, and a baby wasn't one of them, until I was like 40… well if it's his." she turned her head looking back at me, "Ana…I'm not like you, I don't think everything is going to fall into place." she continued to cry uncontrollably rocking back and forth in the tub. Her mascara was mostly down her cheeks, and her hair stuck to her pink overheating skin. My sad Kate.
"Tomorrow we are going to the doctor, I have my appointment and I'm sure Dr Greene can squeeze you in." I smiled, "Best friends," I gripped her hand. "It might be a false positive."
"Ana, have you seen the bathroom?" my eyes darted to the small room, my stomach lumped in my throat, "I took more tests than you did, and they were positive instantly. I don't know how it's possible but I'm angry at my own urine for defying me."
I sighed, continuing to hold her, trying to comfort her.
For the time I've known Kate, she has been a young woman overflowing with determination. A persistence to use her beauty to improve her status. It was the overall gain the essential things in her life, power. There were moments where she was close to falling, no matter how much I tried to show her differently. She's quite level headed, but this is where she's lucky because I'm here as her best friend to help pick her up.
"Ana, you're too good to me."
"Never," I rocked her on my chest, "Let me tell you a story. There was this girl, she was from a small town, and ended up in the big city. Alone and broke, unsure where she was going to live, until a blonde bombshell rocked her world. It was the start of…" I smiled reminiscing my first encounter of the very Miss Kate Kavanagh.
…..
Friday 11th December 2009.
"Kate, I've seen you at your worst, and I still think you are wonderful. Have I left yet?" Kate shook her head, obviously unsure of what to say. "Together ok, no matter what." I smiled gripping my best friend's hand as we waited for our appointments at Dr Greene's office. I never had met anyone with influence, but I guess knowing a Dr Grace Treveleyan-Grey helps.
After Kate's revelation, she remained silent for the rest of the evening. Her music was beyond depressing and I even shed a few tears. She was fragile and I honestly believe she has never experienced anything like this in her life. Support was the key and I was her best friend. We may have had differences in the past, she was still my friend.
It was a constant buzz throughout the night from mine to Kate's cell. Elliot was worried, and of course so was Christian. It was a catch-22 with best friends dating brothers. My bag began to vibrate, but I refused to look, knowing it was someone with the name Grey.
"You're not going to be able to avoid Elliot forever." I said to Kate.
"Sure I can," her voice croaked. "He's going to dump my sorry ass as soon as he finds out." She stared at the pile of glossy magazines on her lap. "I've really fucked up, Ana." she sobbed, cupping her hands to her face, and the magazines fell to the floor.
"Kavanagh? Kathryn Kavanagh?" a sweet voice called.
"Yeah, here," I smiled to the nurse.
As we went in the office the nurse continued to explain what needed to happen, listing off too many things.
"Umm excuse me, I have an appointment after Kathryn."
"Kate," Kate gritted out.
"Kate, I was wondering if I could go first," I spoke for her, hoping this was the right decision, "I think it's my thirteen week checkup. My OB in Seattle said she forwarded all my notes."
"Oh my, you're Miss Steele, with the twins." she gushed. "Oh look at your adorable bump." And I honestly gloated. My bump was still quite tiny but my body took over where my mind cringed at what I was doing in front of Kate, rubbing my stomach and blushing. "Sure, so let's suit you up, and pee in this." she handed over an empty plastic cup and yellow paper gown, "I could fill fifty of these." I laughed.
"I'm sure you could, I just need a small sample, so sorry only one today for testing, and your bladder needs to remain relatively full for the scan" she grinned. "The bathroom is through that door, "she pointed. "I'll be back in a few minutes and Dr Greene shouldn't be too far way."
While I quickly changed, Kate remained on the examination table, mute. Walking back in the room with my sample, I was actually proud that I didn't pee on myself. Seeing Kate looking through my bag and holding my phone was not a good sign.
"Kate?"
She shoved my cell into my face and tears fell.
I read the single message.
CHRISTIAN: I'll be at your appointment, I have a very distressed Elliot tagging along. WTF is going on?
Christian is going to be at the appointment, I smiled re-reading the message, but with realization, shit they are going to be at the appointment.
It was currently a little after half past three, and I didn't think to check my cell, since I was actually excited about my scan and worried for Kate.
"You told him." Kate said crossing her arms.
Suddenly a tall blonde woman walked in with a white coat.
"Anastasia… oh sorry it says Ana. Let me just make a quick note," she clicked her pen and drew a line on the file, "So twins." she wiggled her brows, "I love multiples! I haven't had any in a few weeks."
"Um, this is for you," I passed over my pot of golden fluid.
"Thanks," she pressed a button on her desk phone, "urine collection in consult two. General analysis 13 week check." and continued to scribble and check a few more things on her notes, "Ok down to business, butt on the table, and open wide."
"Oh." I was surprised at her choice of words.
"Don't worry, just a quick pelvic exam and then to the fun stuff, pictures," the doctor clasped her hands together.
She continued to list through numerous symptoms, and expectations within the next few weeks. Of course she wasn't happy as my morning sickness was not easing. A few test were essential before leaving, the blood kind. It was when I saw the oversized dildo being covered by a condom, I grew stiff. She continued to prep the instrument by dribbling a clear lube jelly all over it. Oh my God!
"I'm having an internal." gulping at the memory back in Seattle.
Kate looked at me, the white probe and then the black screen, "That's one big dildo," she moaned.
"Oh shut it Kate," I mumbled back, rolling my eyes.
"Just for starters," plopping my head back, "relax," yeah easy for her to say, "deep breaths," I grimaced when she inserted the probe. The screen lit up with shades of grey. "So lets get some measurements first, and then the family pictures."
I turned to see Kate's expression, and she was crying, as she had been for the past 24 hours. But these tears were washed with happiness and a small smile grew over her face. Dr Greene continued to measure, tap, click and repeat over and over for each of my babies. They were considerably larger since I last saw them two weeks ago.
Our heads whipped towards her desk, to the ringing phone. "Sorry my apologies, I need to get that." she slowly withdrew the probe, resting it in the holder, and snapping off her gloves.
"Greene."
"Sorry, who are these men?"
"Requesting to see…"
"And they said they are Gracie's sons?"
Kate and I couldn't resist, and listened to half of the conversation.
"Excuse me Ana, but do you know a…" she listened on the phone, "A Mr Christian and… sorry the other name—"
"Elliot?" I suggested to the doctor, shrugging my shoulders.
"Yes. Well they are making my patients a little nervous in the waiting room and are requesting to see you rather urgently."
I huffed letting out a large breath. I looked to Kate, waiting for her words, but there were none.
"Yes, Christian is my significant other, and Elliot is his older brother, in fact Kate's boyfriend." I smiled proudly.
"Ok Rachel, let them through." Dr Greene spoke back into the phone.
Within fifteen seconds there was a knock on the door and there stood two disheveled Grey brothers. One in a suit sans tie, and the other in solid work site attire, including muddy shoes.
It wasn't the best scenario, with my legs open wide. Thank God not in the direction of the Greys'. The situation wasn't helped by Kate's red blotchy face and her current action, mute.
"Hi," I squeaked, understanding pregnancy examinations aren't the most glamorous things. "Oh, come over here, you two," I waved them over, and Kate remained silent refusing eye contact. "Hey, we have two little ones that want to see their Daddy and Uncle." I smiled.
…..
PRINTED IN MY GRIPS were too many images to count, full profiles, little feet, fingers, faces of my almost 14 week children. Doctor Greene was happy with their measurements and everything seemed to be in perfect order, but I was still required to visit 'the vampires' for blood testing before leaving.
Both Christian and Elliot remained quiet and it was playing with my senses especially with the silent Kate too.
"Ok, it seems that Kate you're up next according to my schedule." she gripped a second file from her desk, "Here is your cup, and gown. I let you all get prepped." Dr Greene explained.
Within seconds Elliot whipped his head to Kate, and a face of shock went to a smile. "Is this why you have been so up and down for the past two weeks?"
Kate couldn't even speak.
"Christian, I think it's best if we leave and let Kate and Elliot talk." I pulled his shoulder, also shocked by Dr Greene's instructions.
"NO!" Kate abruptly announced. "No, Ana I want you here, Christian if you could leave, I'm sorry," she sobbed into her hands.
"Kate, there is no reason to apologize,"Christian thoughtfully said to her, while running his fingers through his hair giving a head nod to his older brother.
"I'll be in the waiting room, let me have a few to admired," he grabbed a few of the images from my scan, "I need to boast about my kids to the parents out there," he hang a thumb to the door. "I'll see you soon, Pixie," no questions asked he planted a kiss on my forehead, as a hand rested on my shoulder.
Once the door closed, Kate went to the bathroom, fulfilling Dr Greene's request.
"Ana, what the fuck is going on?" Elliot whispered, "Is she…" he couldn't even say the word.
"She thinks so," I nodded.
"So not the food poisoning?" I quickly shook my head.
"No Ell, it's been a huge shock for her and I think there's a little more she needs to tell you, but please don't be an ass, she's fragile and needs us, no matter what."
"So I'm going to be a dad?"
"Elliot," I cupped his face, "You need to listen carefully to Kate, and … just be kind, ok." he nodded, and we both waited for the patient to return.
…..
DÉJÀ VU HIT ME HARD, while listening to Dr Greene.
"Kate, when did you last menstruate?"
"How long are your cycles?"
"Are you usually regular?"
"Any symptoms, tender breasts, bloating, food aversions, mood changes, sleep deprivation, or extreme exhaustion?"
"According to your dates, I think you are possibly close to seven weeks. This would explain why your test results showed so quickly." Kate's eyes bulged at the doctors revelation.
"At seven weeks we should see a sac, and something… not necessarily an embryo but something. Legs up, now this is the probe that you had watched earlier with Ana. It doesn't hurt, rather some women feel a little discomfort, breathe out for me… ah there we go," Kate still remained silent and refused to look at the screen but rather at Elliot.
I watched the screen and it was obvious Dr Greene was having a difficult time, seeing the sac. It was large. She quietly measured it, clicking and tapping the keyboard. I carefully looked at the numbers and dates which popped up on the screen.
8 weeks 1 day.
There was a sac, a very black sac.
Empty.
"Kate, was this a planned pregnancy?" Dr Greene asked.
She quickly shook her head. Elliot continued to hold her hand and looked at her, studying her every move.
"Kate, you are measuring over 8 weeks, so there is a possibility you ovulated earlier than normal, but unfortunately at the current size of the gestational sac, past 32 mm I can not see any tissue within. I'm sorry but it's a failed pregnancy."
"I know," Kate whispered, but I know what Kate was referring to. This pregnancy never had a chance.
Dr Greene turned the monitor off, and began removing her gloves.
"Sorry Doc…" Elliot's voice cracked cautiously rubbing his neck, "What does failed pregnancy mean? Kate's pregnant right?"
She sighed, "What has happened is fertilization occurred but after day one, two, possibly up to day 8, the bundle of cells refused to continue. It stopped dividing. So there is no fetus. There is a strong gestational sac but empty. This is called a blighted ovum, or commonly a missed miscarriage."
"Can I get a picture please?" Elliot begged and Doctor Greene grimaced. Kate refused to look, clamping her eyes shut.
"I'll wait outside, ok Kate?" she quickly held out her hand, shaking her head.
"Don't Ana, can you stay? Ell can she stay?"
"Yeah Banana, stay." he tried his best to smile, I knew he wanted the best for Kate, not necessarily the best for him.
"Of course."
To only feel so happy a mere ten minutes ago, I don't know why I ever complained, or denied my own pregnancy in my eyes. I'm so lucky to be pregnant at almost 14 weeks, with two, while my best friend lays in a doctor's office to be told she may naturally miscarry or have a surgical removal.
As Dr Greene left the office, Kate broke down.
"I'm sorry." she shook her head, crying into her hands. "How could I not know I was pregnant."
"Baby, don't be sorry, this isn't anyone's fault." we both stroked her skin as Elliot peppered little kisses on her hand.
"But it is, maybe… maybe if I didn't…"
"Kate, now may not be the best time—"
"No Ana, I need to get it out.. It's eating me alive. I need to be brave and tell the truth. I need to grow up and start facing my actions." Kate said.
"Baby? No matter what I love you, nothing will change what I feel for you. Kate, you are it for me." he winked.
I really didn't want to be in the room, but Kate refused to let my hand free. I guess, together no matter what.
"There was this guy at Coping Together—" she stated to Elliot.
"I know." he announced.
"And you still… you didn't…. I…"
"I love you, Kate." he kissed her hand, "It gutted me, watching you kiss that fucker. Of all assholes, Wolfe, that ass caused havoc for Christian for years in high school. And I couldn't believe what was happening."
Jesus, that was Wolfe! No fucking way!
"But I was… Oh fuck Ell, I was drunk but that is no excuse, I was so foggy…"
"Kate. I caught the end, and it was clear you were calling him my name, you were out of it, you didn't realized, so when you walked into the tent, I fucked him up outside."
"So you were the person that cause his lip…"
"Yes indeed." he smirked, cracking his knuckles, "but Kate, you need to be in control when you drink. I love you, but I love you enough to walk away. I don't want to see or hear about this happening again. I can't do second chances."
She nodded, pinching her eyes closed, tears burning tracks along her cheeks.
"I can do this for you, Elliot."
"No Kate, do it for you. It's clear we both need to get things straight, and be more careful," he looked at the image in his hand, "Do it for you, no one else."
"I don't want to lose you, Elliot."
"I'm going no where, unless you don't start caring for the most important person in your life."
"I understand Ell… me…" she whispered.
"Well yeah… and," he tilted his head, and winked twice, gesturing to his crotch.
"Umm eww, I am in the room, you two! Only you both would turn this into something inappropriate."
"Never Banana and shhhh, BOB is listening k."
I crossed my brow unsure what he was telling me.
"Yeah… BOB," he pointed to the picture, I sighed. The poor guy doesn't understand the gravity of the situation. There is no baby. "Blighted Ovum Baby. B.O.B This very very little guy will never make it into the world but he was a something. I'm not going to forget."
I smiled. Kate just continued to cry.
A/N:
SONGS MENTIONED IN CHAPTER:
1. Crown of Love - ARCADE FIRE.
SONG INSPIRATION:
1. Familiar Stranger - ARCAVES
I wrote parts of this chapter back in November last year, a few months after having a blighted ovum myself, but in recent weeks life has been… eventful. Maybe this was my challenge/delay for posting this chapter.
I do apologise for being MIA. Firstly I had my month hiatus, it was much needed. During that month I discovered I was pregnant. Unfortunately at almost 10 weeks I had a missed miscarriage. Two failed pregnancies in 10 months. *Sigh*
BUT I'm slowly back, I have the need to write and my goodness I want this story completed before the end of the year.
I'm currently participating in NaNoWriMo this month, so I'm not sure if I will update again throughout July, but I know I would like to. Again it's all down to time. I have many stories in the works and I really should following my own advice and not post until a story is completely finished. So I thank everyone who has taken the time to read, re-read this story. You have no idea it really boosts me to write.
I was surprised to see I have over 800 followers for M&F, and over 100,000 views. These numbers are tiny compared to some ff writers but I don't care, this is blowing my mind! I appreciate everyone's support, every single one of you.
So, if you haven't already done so, please favourite, follow, review and PM me regarding any M&F questions or concerns. See you in the future for chapter 30.
missmusicteach
