One chapter to another
Shepard slumped through the door to the docking bay, groaning internally when she saw Kaidan waiting, leaning against the wall. She really wasn't in the mood for another fight with him, especially after everything that happened with Udina. "What do you want, Kaidan?"
"I've been thinking." He paused, pushing himself off of the wall. "I cant help feeling, you would've taken the shot."
She rubbed at her temples, annoyed at being here again. The questioning, the doubts. She was just sick of it. "I was tempted. Kaidan, I've had a really shit day, so lecture me already."
"I don't want to lecture you." He stood in front of her, nervousness on his handsome face. "I want to rejoin the crew."
"Why?"
"I can do more with you. I want to be where the action is."
She threw her head backing, shoulders slumping down. "Fine. But, you need to remember who is in charge." She skirted around him to walk into the ship, with him not far behind.
Just as the door to the de-con chamber starting to shut, James barely just made it inside in time. "Major, Commander." He saluted, politely.
Kaidan stood watching as Vega and Shepard, not-so discreetly, giving each other the side eye. It was clear to him, that something had happened between the two of them. He knew, if he wanted the gossip, Joker was the man to ask. The man knew everything.
Later on, he stepped into the cockpit, just as Joker and another crew member were deep in conversation about the ship. "Joker." He coughed, to get their attention.
Joker stopped, turning his sit around to face the Major. "Oh, Hi Kaidan." He greeted before looking over to Steve. "Steve, this is Major Kaidan Alenko."
Steve stood up, saluting his superior, like any good solider. "Lieutenant Steve Cortez, sir."
"At ease." Kaidan chuckled quietly. "So Joker. Is there something going on between Shepard and Vega?"
"If you're asking, did they have a one night stand? Then yes." Joker tried to hide his smirk as the Major's face fell.
"I see." Kaidan muttered, walking out of the cockpit, without another word.
"That was mean, Joker." Steve scolded.
"Hmmm and I enjoyed it."
Shepard paced bare footed over the metal flooring of life support, angrily muttering about stupidity. She had called Kaidan and James in for a meeting to discuss their behaviour over the last week. They had been locked into some strange competition with each other, mainly over things related to her. It went from silly things, like cooking for her, doing her reports and cleaning her weapons to challenging each other in combat. She didn't know what had prompted their rivalry but it had to stop. She had more than enough to do, she didn't need to add babysitting two grown men to that list.
She turned as the door swished open, James walking in, followed by Kaidan. "You wanted to see us, Lola." James saluted, while Kaidan remained silent.
"I want to know what is going on between you two." She moved quickly in front of them, James meeting her eyes, but Kaidan looked away. "You've been competing with each other for the last week, for my attention and praise. I want an explanation."
James sighed, casting his eyes sideways to Kaidan before turned back to her. "He knows about that night in Omega. He tried to warn me away from you."
"So you decide to be stupid? Did it feed your ego?" She huffed, shaking her head. "You're dismissed, James. I'll deal with you later."
"Aye, Commander." James saluted and quickly retreated from life support.
"Got nothing to say, Kaidan?" She stood expectantly, waiting for his excuses.
"I was jealous." He muttered. "He wants you."
"Why is it even your business?" Shepard paused, pulling herself up straight, before letting out a short incredulous laugh. "You think we'll get back together?"
He slumped into the solitary chair at the desk, as the bitterness in her words sunk in. "I thought we stood a chance."
"You called me a traitor, Kaidan. I lost two years of my life, surrounded by people I didn't trust. You hurt me. I haven't got it in me to forgive."
"I know. But I couldn't have joined them, Shepard."
"I could understand that. Having your support, even distantly was enough. But your ego couldn't even give me that."
"I'm sorry." He whispered. "Seeing you again, it messed with my head."
"How do you think I felt?" She fired back. "We cant work. You will never trust me completely."
"I do…." Shepard quickly shushed him.
"You don't! You will always doubt me. Every little decision. Is she Cerberus? Is she really Shepard? It will never stop."
"I know you didn't have a choice. I see that now." He stressed.
"Then there's James. I slept with him. You will always be wondering if there is anything going on between us. I wont have you hold that over me. I certainly wont allow you to use if against James. He doesn't deserve that."
"Do you have feelings for him?" He asked quietly.
"That has nothing to do with it, Kaidan." She grunted and began pacing as she became agitated. "James has nothing to do with us. Leave him out of it."
Kaidan slammed his fist down on the desk. "Do you have feelings for him?" He asked again, firm and his voice raised just enough for people in the mess to hear.
"Yes!" She fired back angrily. "Do you wanna know why? It's because he challenges me, but in a good way. He trusts me to make the right choice. He knows me despite the fact we haven't known each other long. You only ever wanted "Commander Shepard." He wants "Lola Shepard." The human underneath.
"I wanted "Lola" too." Kaidan pressed his face into his hand, resting his elbow against the table.
"Look, Kaidan. I care about you but I don't want to re open the chapter of us."
Kaidan stood up, trying to avoid looking at her. "I think it's best if I don't remain on board."
"Do you want you need to, Kaidan." She walked out of life support, passing the memorial wall on her way to the observation deck. She stood at the window, watching the stars pass as they headed to the Citadel. She felt a heaviness in her heart. It wasn't regret she felt, just sadness. A sadness that things couldn't be ended amicably between them. She cared about Kaidan, truly she did, but she knew they would never work any more. They were just too different.
James stood by the memorial wall, looking at both the observation deck and life support. He let Shepard walk past him unnoticed, wanting to give her space. She had heard her confessing her feelings for him, but he needed to know more. The door to the life support opened, a sombre looking Kaidan walked out, his eyes meeting the lieutenant's. He almost felt bad for the Major, but James had heard what he said to Shepard on Mars. So, he didn't know Shepard for that long, but he had slowly got to know her through gentle banter. She was no traitor.
He waited for Kaidan to leave before he walked into the observation deck, hesitating, standing just inside the door. "Are you ok, Lola?" He asked, softly.
Her head slumped, letting out a shaky sigh. "I want to say yes, but it'd be a lie."
"Do you want to talk about it?" He stood next to her, resting against the window, leg crossed over the other legs, resting on the toes of his left boot.
"I feel…..guilty."
"What for?"
Shepard turned him, the look on her face, close to breaking his heart. "I let Kaidan believe we stood a chance, far too long."
James put his hands on her forearms, gently caressing her bare skin. "It's not your fault, Lola. After what he said to you on Mars, he should have known, there was no chance to go back."
"I used you. I saw Kaidan before we went to Omega. We had an argument, despite the fact that I stole from the Illusive man for the Alliance, he still said I was Cerberus. When I saw you, I never thought you would join the crew, so I thought there was no harm in forgetting Kaidan for once."
"That night was the best night of my life. Being apart of your crew, your lieutenant reminded me why I enlisted." He slowly wrapped his arms around her, relieved when she didn't pull away. "You are an incredible woman and the feelings are mutual."
When Shepard looked into his soulful brown eyes, it was then she realised just how far she had fallen for him. She knew it would never work with Kaidan because she'd always be wondering what if she took a chance with James, would her life be different. "Where have you been all my life?" She asked, resting her cheek against his chest.
He chuckled, pressing a kiss into her hair. "Waiting for you."
She laughed, pulling away and lightly punched his arm. "You are so cliché. I'm going to have a shower." She walked to the door, stopping to turn around, a lascivious smile on her face. "You want to join me?" She asked brightly, holding out her hand to him.
It didn't even take a second for Vega to make up his mind before he was reaching out to take her outstretched hand. In one swift movement, he had Shepard in his arms, legs around his waist, the echo of her laughter penetrating his soul. "I go where you go. Always."
