A/N: WAIT! Take a look at the previous chapter (Ch. 22) before reading this one, because I made MAJOR changes, as in "totally different things happen in some spots", and otherwise this chapter won't make as much sense.
Chapter 23: Automobiles (Sans Planes and Trains)
When we looked out
The waves crashed,
Smashing our past.
Moving fast, nothing lasts,
Make it last.
This will all pass,
Just like us,
Just like this spot.
Don't miss this,
We've only got one shot.
— "On the Lookout", Bare Naked Ladies
Bumblebee went to sleep early that night and dreamed he was helping Raf with his homework. Watching with concern as he wobbled around on a skateboard. Playing video games together and laughing whether he won or lost . . .
The scout woke suddenly, and his disorientation at the strange room only increased the speed with which his blasters sprang out. Strange room, low light, red mech, Knock Out, and the Decepticon had his energy prod, and Bumblebee shot to his feet, ready to fire—
"Whoa! Whoa! Feeling trigger happy, are we?" Knock Out jumped to his pedes, knocking over the chair as he backed up with his palms raised in entreaty. Bumblebee's recharge-addled processor finally took in the fact that, yes, Knock Out's weapon was laid out on the table, but it was broken in two and the electrical prongs on the end were dark and inactive.
"What are you doing in here? And with that?" Bumblebee demanded, his chirps and beeps still slurred from sleep.
"Someone dumped it in a corner of the medbay, so I'm fixing it."
"And the reason you're fixing it in my room is . . . ?"
"I wanted to talk, obviously. We're going to have to coordinate if we want to pull this thing off. But when I got here you were asleep, lazybot . . . Oh, here's a gift from our hosts, by the way."
Something bounced off Bumblebee's helm almost before he registered that Knock Out had thrown it. He rubbed his head as he looked down at the small, silver disc. "What's this?"
"External communicator. They couldn't get my native systems to integrate with their communication setup—mind you, I'll bet Soundwave could have done it if he weren't basically crazy—and if my system wouldn't 'take' then yours certainly won't, sooo . . . this was their well-meaning, if clumsy, solution. Just jam it under your plating any old place and it should link your system to theirs."
Bumblebee hesitated, not eager to trust a random device handed to him—or thrown at him—by a Decepticon. "If it works that well, why did they mess with your system at all? I mean, why not give you this thing to begin with?"
"Ah." Knock Out raised a finger. "Good question. Normally you can access a range of channels, correct? One for each member of your team, I imagine, plus a general broadcast and some emergency lines and such, hmm? This is basically a single channel—just a general broadcast."
"You mean everyone on the ship will hear us when we comm?"
"No, you can comm individuals, but the message goes through a central hub instead of over individual frequencies. From there it gets rerouted and—" Seeing Bumblebee's blank stare, Knock Out sighed. "Look, just don't send anything private over the lines because there's a good chance the calls are being recorded as they go through the hub."
"'A good chance.' So you don't actually know."
"No, Bumblebee, I do not, in fact, 'actually know.' I thought it might seem slightly suspicious if my first reaction was, 'Oh thank you, thank you; by the way, you aren't LISTENING IN on us, are you?'."
"It's always sarcasm with you, isn't it?" Bumblebee pushed the little silver disc into one of his larger arm seams and watched the protocol setup messages pop up on his internal display. It seemed to be exactly what Knock Out said it was, a simple communicator. "How'd you get in here, anyway?"
"Phase Shifter."
"I WILL get that back."
"I'm sure you'll try." He smirked as he reached for his staff and began working on it again.
Bumblebee watched him for several minutes, waiting for him to speak again. He didn't.
"Okay, you've given me the communications thingie. Thank you. Goodbye."
"That's not all." Knock Out frowned as he tried to prise some of the wires out of the heart of his weapon, no easy feat with his clipped claws.
"Okaaay," Bumblebee said. "So tell me what else is on your glitching little processor."
"When I'm done." Knock Out didn't look up from his work.
"What do you think this is, your personal workshop? Do that somewhere else! You have your own room!"
Knock Out's roll of his shiny red helm, when combined with an exasperated sigh, was a sight to behold. "If I did that I'd just have to walk back here again later, now wouldn't I? So why don't you just mute your vocalizer like a good little Autobot and let me work?"
"You know what your problem is? You think the whole world revolves around you."
"No, but in a more perfect world it would," Knock Out corrected. "Anyway, how about you? Telling me to get out of your room? Your room? I have more of a right to be here than you."
"What?" The scout threw his hands in the air. "How do you figure?"
"Because this is a Decepticon ship, and which one of us is a Decepticon? Oh right, it's me."
"That is the most twisted logic I've ever heard, and besides you know damn well that they're not Decepticons like you. They're . . . they're Deceptibots."
Knock Out actually chuckled at that, although it could've just been a mark of satisfaction; he'd finally fixed the wiring of his staff and electricity crackled along its prongs once more. Bumblebee watched tensely as the Decepticon twirled the weapon, leaving a brief trail of searing blue light in its wake.
"Deceptibots and Autocons. All right. So they are." Knock Out cut the power to his staff and telescoped it down to a more manageable size so he could slot it behind his back. "Nice segue, Bug. Deceptibots are exactly what I wanted to discuss with you."
"Don't call me Bug."
"Specifically, the head doctor," Knock Out went on. He leaned back in his chair, suddenly serious. "He's smart. You'll have to be careful."
"Careful not call the ship the Nemesis a bunch of times, you mean?"
"You did that too!" Knock Out snapped. "And that can be played off as a glitch—faulty programming or misinformation. I'm talking about . . ." He opened both hands as he frowned at the ceiling, perhaps expecting to find what he was talking about written there. "He digs, and he keeps digging until he gets what he wants."
"What does he want?"
Knock Out looked annoyed. "I don't know." After a second he added, "That's not quite true. He wanted to know if I was a danger to the ship's Vehicon lookalikes. I finally convinced him I wasn't going to murder them in their sleep."
"Why would he think that? What did you do?"
"Oh sure, you just jump to the conclusion that I did something wrong." He crossed his arms. "And all I did was take a couple orange-and-white corpses they had lying around and strip them down to their base components." He cocked his head. "Are you shocked?"
Was he? The idea was distasteful, but was it shocking? "I kind of thought that's why they all looked the same, so they could use the same parts on all of them."
"THANK you! My point exactly! I can't believe the only one who gets this is an Autobot!"
Bumblebee shifted uncomfortably. What would Optimus say about it? Maybe he would be horrified, like the Decepticons. The Deceptibots. "Anything else?"
"Tomorrow I begin my quest to bring my hands and my door back to their former glory. And I will stop at nothing to achieve those ends."
All Bumblebee could think to say was, "Good luck." The white door replacement on Knock Out's arm was pretty hideous.
"So that's all on my end," Knock Out concluded. "You?"
"No. Um. No, nothing."
"True to your faction, Bumblebee, you're a lousy liar. Come clean. We have keep our stories straight."
"Okay, don't overreact—"
"Oh, that's a promising start."
"—but I kind of told, well, not exactly told, but I might have given Skyquake the impression that I knew a human. Like . . . like personally."
"Oh, you did that? Is that all?" Knock Out didn't seem upset by the news. In fact, he was even smiling as he leaned forward in his chair. "Say, Bumblebee, want to know a secret?"
"Um . . . sure?"
"The secret is," Knock Out said in a whisper that gradually rose in volume, "that right now it is taking every ounce of self-control in my possession not to leap across the room and punch you in the FACE! What were you thinking?!"
Bumblebee scrambled back. "Hey, it's no big deal! We'll just tell them there was a human around the Autobot base who—"
"No! NO! We do not tell them that, because that's stupid!" There was no trace of Knock Out's previous calm as he paced back and forth across the room, ranting. "Why would you say that? Why? Why?"
"This, THIS from the bot who made up the whole clone story!"
"I didn't make it up, THEY made it up! They had it in their heads before I said a word to them, that's why they believe it. And they'll keep believing it, too, if you don't add stupid addendums like that!"
"You're blowing this way out of proportion! Skyquake isn't even going to tell anyone!"
"And why do you believe that, Bug? Because he told you?"
"He didn't tell me—"
"Well, wonderful!"
"—I just know it in my spark."
"You—you—! Primus save me from fools and Autobots!"
"I'm serious," Bumblebee insisted. "It was a very intense, intimate moment."
"Intimate?!" Knock Out's tone changed abruptly and completely as he leaned forward with a devilish grin. "Oo-la-la, just what have you been getting up to, you bad little Bug?"
"Nothing that your dirty mind would be interested in, apparently! I didn't mean THAT, I meant intimate like . . . like private!"
"Word of advice, little Autoclone," Knock Out smirked. "Don't go around swapping code with the crew members, it will only lead to complications." He thought for a moment, then added, "Unless it gives us some kind of tactical advantage, in which case swap away."
"You are disgusting and all I'm getting from your advice is a strong urge not to listen to you."
"You'll see the error of your ways soon enough." Knock Out said. "Now, getting back to our current predicament. Let's reflect on how we got here."
"You said you used the Phase Shifter."
"Ha ha ha. I mean here in this universe. If we can reverse the process, we can get back, hopefully."
"Well . . . from what I could tell, your ground bridge opened on the same spot as my ground bridge."
"Mine opened first, yours second," Knock Out corrected. "So as things stand—hang on." He reached for that datapad on the table, one that bore a familiar inscription on the back.
"Sudoku? Now? Really?"
"Oh, is that what this is?" He grinned as he turned the 'pad around, revealing a blank screen on which he'd already scrawled, "ESCAPE PLANS", and under that a subheading of "Ground Bridges".
"I . . . I don't get it. Was the datapad mislabeled?"
"No, I reprogrammed it, added a set of hidden files. We can keep our notes on it." He looked inordinately pleased with himself.
"What if someone finds it?"
"No one's going to find our data," Knock Out scoffed. "You have to complete the one-thousand-and-first puzzle with a specific set of numbers to gain access. The wrong numbers. So."
Bumblebee grudgingly admitted that was pretty clever. "All right, let's talk about ground bridges. First of all, how different are Autobot 'bridges from Decepticon 'bridges?"
"I have no idea. I don't even know if there is a difference."
"Then why does it matter which 'bridge opened first?"
"It might not matter at all. On the other hand, it might."
Bumblebee was beginning to feel cheated. "How can you not know one way or the other? You're a Decepticon!" he trilled, spreading his hands in incredulous appeal. "A Decepticon scientist!"
"Yeeees, and do you know two words that are missing from that phrase? 'Ground bridge' and 'engineer.'"
"That's three words."
"Not the point. Anyway, I'm more of a medic than a scientist."
"Oh, whatever! You just reprogrammed a datapad, like that!" Bumblebee snapped his fingers.
"I've been working with datapads since I was a medical intern; I've been working with ground bridge technology since, hmmm, let me think, when did I last—oh yes, NEVER."
"Oh Primus." Bumblebee let his face sink into his servos for a moment. "All right, maybe it won't matter. I've watched Ratchet activate our ground bridge before. Maybe it'll work with two Decepticon portals, opened right on top of each other. We can try that, right? And I'm joining the engineering crew, so maybe that'll help? Somehow?"
"Should give you access to the passcodes we need, at the very least. Although I could probably figure them out in a pinch." Knock Out scribbled some notes on his datapad. "All right, but that still leaves us with a sizeable problem. Even if we don't need an Autobot ground bridge, we do need two intersecting 'bridges, and there's only one terminal on the ship. We can only generate one 'bridge from here."
"On this entire warship, there's just one single ground bridge anchor?"
"If it's the same as the Nemesis, and it certainly appears to be, then yes."
Bumblebee's spark seemed to sink all the way to his feet, then proceed on through the floor. "So we'll need to access the Autobot ground bridge after all. How in the Pit are we going to do that?"
Knock Out clicked the stylus between his dental plates. "I'm open to suggestions."
"Okay, here's a suggestion: we need to own up and ask for help. Because this is ridiculous."
"All right."
Bumblebee's optics cycled wide at the unexpected agreement. "All right?"
"Sure." Knock Out stood up, taking a few leisurely steps as he stretched, popping the tension out of his arms and back. "As long as you're the one to tell them."
Bumblebee stared at him for a moment. "Okay, I will."
"Then it's settled. Oh! I know! Why don't you start with Lord Megatron?"
Despite Knock Out's expectant look, the Autobot scout was silent, so he continued:
"The Megatron I know and serve would gladly help bots of the opposite faction off his ship—either via his fusion cannon or through other creative methods. I saw him throw a Vehicon grounder off the bridge of the Nemesis once and—well, never mind about that. I'm sure this Megatron is completely different, even if he did try to punch you through the wall for looking at his medic funny. Don't you agree?"
More silence.
"And if not, weeell, it will be exciting seeing which one of us gets shot through the head first: you, for being an Autobot, or me, for not living up to the Deceptibot ideal."
"Stop. You've made your point." Bumblebee frowned, remembering the golden claws closing around his throat. "But where are we supposed to find a second ground bridge?"
Knock Out tapped his chin, deliberating. "We won't find one," he said finally. "We'll build one."
"What?"
"We'll scavenge around and build a second unit."
"Knock Out, neither of us knows a thing about bridging technology! As you just proved!"
"So we'll learn. How hard could it be?"
"Really fragging hard!"
"What else can we do? Rush over and ask the psychotic Autocons if we can pretty please use their ground bridge? Say," he added with a sly smile, "where exactly is that Autobot base?"
"Don't. Just don't." Building their own ground bridge. Well, it was worth a try. "I guess we should start by getting all the info tracts we can."
Knock Out stood up. "All right, let's go."
"Let's go where?"
"Let's go do that thing that you just suggested we do," Knock Out said with exaggerated patience. "Namely, raiding the Library."
"I don't have engineering clearance yet."
"Not a problem." Knock Out grinned as he flashed the Phase Shifter. "I've got our clearance right here."
"What good is a Phase Shifter if it won't go through force fields?" Knock Out fumed a short time later. He slammed his hand into the invisible barrier between him and the shelves of datapads once more. "Worthless piece of junk!"
"I'll take it off your hands."
"Not that worthless," he said hastily, pulling the relic to his chestplates.
"Well, this has been a bust," Bumblebee sighed. He was still eyeing the Iacon relic in his peripheral vision, though. If only Knock Out would let his guard down for a moment, or take it off. "Hey, the training arena's not far from here, right? Want to spar?"
Knock Out turned and stared at him. "Do I want to spar? Where did that non sequitur come from?"
"Well, the arena's not far from here, is it?"
"Nnnno . . ." The red mech was still eyeing him suspiciously.
"And you still want to punch me in the face, right?"
Knock Out's expression brightened. "Over and over, Autobot. Over and over."
Smokescreen sat in his room, body hunched and head drooped forward. He had known. He had known Prime would notice the relic was missing sooner or later.
He'd said no, of course he'd said no, but the Prime was so fragging hard to lie to. Smokescreen had lost his head and babbled about Knockdown and Yellowjacket.
And of course Optimus hadn't believed him. He'd done that thing. That Optimus thing. "I'm very disappointed in you, Smokescreen," and that let down look in his eyes.
The rookie wrapped his arms around his chassis tighter, hiding the dents from Ultra Magnus' fists.
It was always a bad idea to disappoint Optimus Prime.
