Part 8: The Christmas Special

Chapter 1

Everyone stopped, and looked at Lucina. The Ylissean princess was bathed in light, and her clothes rapidly changed. Her new outfit consisted of her normal clothes but covered in crosses, since in the end, Jesus saves all. When the light faded, Lucina was standing on her feet, filled with determination. But she wasn't going to throw her Moon Tiara Boomerang-no, she had a better plan. "Garfield! Did you see? It's part 8 now! You can fight again!"

All of our protagonists' enemies were filled with instant terror. None of them could defeat Garfield, not even together! They fled immediately.

"Good thinking, Lucina. Setting up a suspenseful scenario so the part could end, and the next would begin. In fact, I think you may have even earned some of my lasagna" said Garmfielf.

"Thank you, Garfield! There is no higher honor! It's too bad about the old Sai-wait. Where's the body?"

Garon cleared his throat. "Well, you became Sailor Moon, didn't you? And there's only one Sailor Moon. So shouldn't the old one cease to exist?"

"I don't think that's how it works, but okay…"

Riki waddled up next. "Oh, Riki so happy bad guys gone! They even scarier than Dinobeast-but Dinobeast was no match for Heropon either!"

"Heropon Riki bestest!" shouted the Nopon child. Everyone else repeated the chant, even Garfield Himself. But it was time the Nopon child revealed his secret, too. "The bestest Riki isn't just Heropon. Heropon Riki...is also Daddypon Riki!"

Both Robins stepped back in shock. "Huh!?"

"But I was supposed to play matchmaker!" MaRobin said dejectedly. "I never paired Riki up with anyone, so where'd his child come from?"

"Yeah, don't you have to get married to have time-traveling kids? Come on!" shouted FeRobin.

"Riki have wifeypon!" snapped back the Heropon himself.

"Huh!?"/"Nani!?"/"Meh-meh-meh?"

Before this could somehow figure out a way to escalate into a fight, Garfield cleared his throat. "Guys, we have to hurry. I just received a report that Diet Coke is receiving help from Ajit Pai, and he's going to remove net neutrality. We have to-" Before Garfield could finish, Buzzwole flew in through the hole that once was a courtroom wall. "Really? Is this another Stand battle? Now? Sorry, guys, but I'd rather eat some lasagna than do this shit."

Editor's note: Attempting to read the next paragraph hurt me, so I replaced it with one from a different fanfiction with a different genre. If you are the author, please don't sue us, it's necessary.

The incessant dripping noise started to grate on Sophie's ears. "Darn it", she muttered aloud to no one in particular, "I spend five years training to become a criminal investigator..." Her voice died off- she'd complained enough to surpass the word count of Hamlet, and it hadn't helped her in the slightest. Besides, this was her first assignment, and she couldn't miss out on the chance to arrest murders. The maintenance tunnel's solitary light flashed on a couple of times, then sputtered out completely with a muted snap. Sophie sighed, and clicked her flashlight on. Taking great care to avoid the puddles, she tiptoed past several dusty server racks. How can these people afford the loyalty of the best soldiers in the world, but not a plumber? It's not that she hated water- she could create water from the tips of her fingers. She just wanted to search for any reason to insult her targets, on the off chance that they could read her thoughts (which isn't out of the question). She stepped over the last puddle and looked around.

Editor's note: The preceding paragraph made more sense in this context than the old one did.

"Y tho," questioned Lucina, but she wouldn't get an answer.

Before the battle could take another turn for the worse, Aigis issued a battle tactic, and our band of protagonists suddenly split into two groups, each taking on one of these surprise attackers: Chrom, Lucina, Shulk, the Robins, and Garon against Pheromosa, and Aigis, Riki, Riki's fan, Zelda, a Nyaruko-slam poster, and Takumi against Buzzwole. Before Buzzwole's Stand could something something Chaseu someone else, Aigis initiated an All-Out-Attack, KO'ing the mosquito on steroids. "Alright, we are done now."

Garon shouted at her, "wait, can't you help us now?"

"No, we're rather tired."

"Darn…"

「 D」was about to deliver another kick, but through some quick thinking, Garon threw a fishstick and Pheromosa was subdued, as no evil can resist the power of fishsticks, except Diet Coke (the utter abomination). "Good job, Garon," Chrom complimented, but Garon merely scoffed as Chrom still wasn't a Smasher. Why would he want to speak to a non-Smasher?

AN: honestly, if you're a non-Smasher yourself, how were you even allowed to read this far? Begone, non-Smashers

Editor's note: This is my thing, please stop.