Author's Note: So I'm back at this, even though it's been nearly 2 years since I last posted. It seems that reading and writing fanfiction is a hobby of mine that comes and goes with time. Please comment and subscribe if you'd like more, especially for a sooner update rather than later. Also, this is an entirely new chapter; there's still ones to expand and edit that I wrote a long time ago about Padme going back to Naboo and seeing her family again. Anyway on to the good stuff!
Rest
Chapter 8
-break-
Between 4-6 months previously…
Stressed as the Force. That's how Padme feels about her life.
Prior to the war she found it so easy to separate work from home life. Now it feels as though one is flooding into the other and she doesn't know where to draw the line between them, if that was even possible now in the pool of stressors. It seemed that work and home were now entirely entwined and she couldn't break her thoughts apart as logically as she could before. Work was about bringing Anakin home from the war, and home was thinking about the best way to do her work. She stressed herself into this cyclical puzzle of planning for the future, a future without corrupted politics, without dangerous fighting, and with those she loved safe and nearby.
It's not just the mental stressors that have her. She finds herself with morning sickness striking at any time of day, regardless of her hoped level of convenience. Actually, Padme prepared a waste bin beneath her desk just in case. She's had to use it more times than could ever be pleasant. Hopefully those visiting her office haven't noticed the lingering, off-putting smell… Most embarrassingly, she had to rush out of an important meeting between planetary loyalists because one of the perfumes a colleague was wearing was much too strong. She returned to the meeting after vomiting in the refresher, apologizing quietly to her colleagues, but minutes later had to leave the room again. Senator Mon Mothma sent her the meeting's datafile afterwards as if nothing was the matter, but Padme couldn't shake the feeling that others were questioning her health and gossiping about what the matter could be.
It didn't help that she found herself missing the odd meeting due to exhaustion. "It's only happened a few times," she thought to herself, but Padme was still worried about the image she was portraying as of late. Her hand unconsciously goes to her abdomen with these thoughts. "Perhaps the next months will get easier…" she tells herself. "It is important to stay hopeful," she declares to herself, but subconsciously she's having trouble believing herself.
And not to mention, the senate as a large stressor, which keeps passing these ridiculous notions that fail the democratic process. It is mind numbing to think that democracy could fail them now, when the stakes of the safety of those throughout the galaxy were on the line. Ever since Jar Jar Binks idiotically proposed to give emergency powers to the Supreme Chancellor, Senator Amidala was certain she and her colleagues would be fighting an uphill battle to preserve peace. Peace for those living throughout the planetary system, safety for those who needed it most, and hope for those of the future, like the ones she would soon bring into this life. So there was no time to waste in planning for the advocacy and education needed to continue a democratic approach to the senate. More and more she was afraid of the daily impacts of her job, or rather, what would happen if she did not strive to do her job to the best of her ability. The galaxy could crumble without it.
The unrest in the senate lead to a secret organization being formed by a few of the loyalist senators, who began to call themselves the Delegation of 2000. Padme's work with these senators, such as Bail Organa and Mon Mothma, brought another load of added stress to her life; she began to organize with them to fight the changes to the constitution, the disorganization, the corruption, and the security issues in the senate to preserve democracy in the republic. As one could see, Padme's waking hours were filled over the brim with thoughts of politics, war, and anxieties.
Slightly less stressful was the planning for the new wardrobe she had to order… Usually Padme delighted in finding new fashions to wear and represent her home planet's greatest designers. One evening she found herself spending hours researching concealing looks on the holonet. She ordered many different things and decided she would start to slowly add these garments into her wardrobe. Dorme would be happy to have her try out some new things now, at least.
Dorme. She'll notice soon now too… oh, the stress of a secret and knowing it must be shared, with trust that those will keep it, too.
And then Padme thought daily about Anakin and their future family. It was the first thing she woke up considering in the morning and her last thoughts at night. While she still felt the continuing, panicked excitement that originated when she received the positive test, she couldn't help but feel overwhelmingly uneasy about the whole thing. Sometimes she just had to ignore it like nothing was the matter to get on with her day, and some days she was better at that than others… Some days she got back to her apartment and broke down into anxious sobbing alone in her room. What would happen as her pregnancy progressed? All the days she waited for news from Anakin and his safe return to her. More questions flew through the cyclone of her consciousness. What would he think of the news? Would he be as excited and nervous as she was? What would happen to their careers if anyone found out about their forbidden union and child? Were they ready?
Padme's sister had two young daughters, Ryoo and Pooja, probably nine and five years old now. Sola always seemed so ready have her own family, ever since Padme's days as queen on Naboo when she was herself only fourteen and Sola not many years older. Padme was the one to always put her career first, her commitment to her people first. Sola lead a quieter, more traditional lifestyle back home on Naboo, with her husband Darred who was a carpenter. Padme still remembered the glowing delight with which Sola shared of her pregnancies, and the warm happiness that their parents responded to her with. Padme couldn't see the same thing happening with her own pregnancies. Having children wasn't something Padme had planned or really wanted to plan yet, at least not until the war was over and she had time to talk to Anakin about what they would do in case of it. Sharing with her family the reality of her current situation was something she did not want to think about; the idea caused too much anxiety in her mind.
So those were the thoughts that consumed her mind during the early months after she discovered her pregnancy.
One evening she finished her work of reading data files early and began to search Nabooian news on the holonet just to take her mind off things. An unsettling feeling fluttered through her abdomen, and she reached a hand under her blouse to caress the swell in her middle. She could feel her blood pulsate through her body with the alerted understanding that this was her baby moving for the first time. Another light flutter of movement to her hand. Padme closed her eyes… All of a sudden, a unique electronic-sounding jingle came from her bedroom closet. She realized the private commlink she shared with Anakin was going off, and raced to answer it.
"Anakin?"
"Padme…" Anakin's voice sounded relieved. "You have no idea how nice it is to hear your voice right now."
"Anakin! Where are you, are you okay?" Her heart was racing in her chest. It was infrequent that Anakin could find the time to speak privately and securely alone to her, so this was truly a rarity to hear from him.
"I'm fine, I'm fine. We're just stationed away from the action for just right now so can steal a moment to talk to you. I miss you so much, it feels like it has been forever since we've spoke," he entreated.
Padme felt herself becoming emotional, especially with what had just transpired. "I miss you too. And love you so much, Ani. It's been really hard for me this time around…" Padme cut herself off before her voice cracked. She wouldn't – couldn't – worry him now.
Anakin's thoughts began to question, as usually she was so strong while he was away, "Padme, it's going to be alright. I'll be back soon, I promise."
He always sounded so certain of things, but Padme's mind began to race uncontrollably. "Anakin, please get home safely, I don't know what I would do if anything happened to you. There's…" her voice trembled.
"What, Padme? What's wrong?" His worry grew, and he almost sounded angry that something could be wrong.
Padme collected herself as best as she could. Now was not the time to reveal her current state; she decided weeks ago that that needed to be in person with him, no matter how long "in person" took to happen. "There's just so much going on here with the senate and the fight to end the war. I am worried about you and what will happen. Please come home to me safe."
"Of course Padme. I love you." She wasn't sure if he was convinced, but he dropped it anyway.
"I love you too," she replied.
"Padme I, I can't tell you how long it'll be before I'm back… We're travelling to the Outer Rim in a week. But I can't wait to get back to you and your beautiful face. You're incredible. You know I've dreamt of you every night since we last were together on Naboo."
A small smile played on Padme's lips. "Who couldn't help but dream about those days on Naboo. They were certainly unforgettable." Certainly unforgettable especially now, she thought again to herself.
He laughed. "You're too beautiful. Padme I love you, I wish I could talk longer. We're leaving soon. Stay safe until I return, my love."
"No, Anakin, you stay safe. Remember what I said earlier, it's just important you come home to me safe. Now more than ever." She paused… "Because what could happen with the political situation. It seems this war is more destructive and dangerous than when it began... I need you back safe," she pleaded
Anakin sensed the uneasiness from her again, but he promised back. "Yes Padme. I love you to the ends of the universe, my angel."
"I love you too, Ani. Take care."
She heard a muffling on the communication and a closing beep. The communication ended, and alone she was with her thoughts yet again.
-break-
