Chapter 5
Garfield clapped His hands (paws?) twice, and everyone reconvened at the Smash Mansion. "So, how was your filler?" He asked.
"Pretty okayish, I guess," the Robins responded. "Thanks for doing that, because we hadn't even started trying to defeat Villager's 「STAND」!"
Chrom looked at them, and raised his hand in an "okay" symbol. "Haha yes," he spoke, without emotion.
Garfield cleared His throat. "Anyway, it's come to my attention that it's almost Christmas, but I'm worried that Diet Coke will still try and destroy that. So-"
Before Garfield could continue, Sailor Jupiter appeared out of nowhere. "Greetings. I bring news from Diet Coke. Even we can respect Christmas, so we have no plans on attacking until at least December 26th. You have our word."
Garfield shrugged His shoulders. "Huh. Okay, I gue-" But before he could continue this time, Innes and Shadow broke in!
"Ow the edge" Lucina whined, as she flashed back to their last encounter. Takumi slowly walked over to these new appearances, and lazily struck a pose.
"Yeah yeah Trinity of Edginess, blah blah blah. Can we be done with this?"
Innes slapped him. "No, dumbass. So what if Diet Coke will respect Christmas? No, we don't like Christmas, since we were on the naughty list last year. And let me tell you, we don't celebrate Christmas anymore-we celebrate Hanukkah!"
Chrom gasped. H-Hanukkah!? But that's not Christmas! How could they be so diabolical? Innes shot an arrow at him. "Hey, buddy, don't be antisemitic. It's [current year], be more open-minded. Jews exist too."
"But…are you even Jewish? Judaism doesn't exist in the Fire Emblemverse…"
"Sh-shut up!"
"Dang, that sure is edgy, all right. You really do deserve the title 'Trinity of Edginess.'"
"F-frick you! We're fighting!"
With that, Innes and Shadow took battle stances. Takumi sighed, and took a very reluctant stance as well. "Gods, I really don't wanna do this stuff anymore." But the fight had already begun-there was no backing out now, Takumi.
MaRobin pulled out a wrapped box, and threw it on the ground. Confetti exploded everywhere, and when it settled to the ground, MaRobin had donned his hidden FEH Christmas alt! He pulled out a Christmas tree lance, and thrusted at Shadow, who barely dodged, and then pulled out three Chaos Emeralds. "W-wait! Where's that damn fourth Chaos Emerald?"
Takumi sighed. "C'mon, guys, I don't want to be doing this. I don't even like Soy Milk."
"Sh-shut up, Takumi. Sorry that we don't have Stands or something."
Little did they know, they actually did. It's just that since their first debut after Stands became relevant was during the Christmas arc, they couldn't use them since the Stands aren't Christmas songs.
The Trinity of Edginess kept bickering, giving our heroes the opportunity they needed. Garon, who had in this time subtly put on a Santa hat (actually, everyone did), threw his axe, hitting Takumi and Innes. Lucina transformed into Sailor Moon, and threw her Moon Tiara Boomerang at Shadow. The impact of both these attacks KO'd the Trinity, and the announcer shouted, "the winner is...Red Team!" and Chrom, the Robins, Garon, Shulk, and Lucina struck half-hearted victory poses, all of them secretly dead inside even though it's Christmas time. As they continued posing while the Blue Team sulked, the Blue Team snuck out, Takumi complaining the whole time. "Cmon, guys, why? My Stand isn't even edgy, it's the exact opposite. I shouldn't have to be stuck with you guys again. Please let me go back…."
But this victory was short-lived. Just as they stopped clapping and returned to the character select screen, another match already began. Standing before them were two feminine figures, surrounded by a Green Team outline. It was Nozomi and Pauline! But Lucina noticed another figure hiding behind those two-a Nyaruko-slam poster! Nani the frick?
Nozomi activated her 「 N」 , and Pauline activated her 「 R」. But, FeRobin scolded them. "Hey, those aren't Christmas songs! I guess Nozomi's is passable since it's got Snow in its name, but Pauline, yours is just a big no-no!"
Pauline didn't care. She walked up to FeRobin, and used her stand to do a Super Star jump up, into a Ground Pound Bitch Slap. "Ouch," FeRobin spoke. But this procedure was pretty time-consuming, so Pauline left herself open. MaRobin thrusted at her with his Christmas Tree lance, making direct contact. However, as it is a Christmas tree, she was not poked open, and was only winded. (Also, that's part of Smash Bros physics but don't mention that)
But the green team wasn't out yet. Nozomi halated the nearby snow, blinding MaRobin and his glorious Christmas outfit, as the Nyaruko-slam poster chanted a verse of those sacred words of encouragement: "Slam! Jam! Slam! Jam!" Fueled by this chant, Nozomi powered up to her Smol Nozomi form. Now, she could todekete setsunasa ni wa her foes. Namae wo tsuke yo ka "Snow Halation", bitch.
But Garfield couldn't keep wasting time fighting here. He and His friends had to celebrate Christmas, so the Red Team quit. The Announcer announced the match was a "No Contest" as everyone clapped saltily.
