Chapter 2: That Feeling of Loss

The next day, Becca was preparing for a special day at school. Today was the day she and her homeroom class would take a field trip to the local library to learn about ways on helping the community by promoting reading. Becca put on a white long-sleeved turtleneck shirt, a black skirt that cut off at her knees, a pair of black socks up to her knees, and a pair of black Ariat clogs. She also put on her favorite necklace, which had an open book for a charm.

When she came downstairs, her parents looked at her in awe. "You look rather spiffed up today," said Tasha.
"It's nothing special," replied Becca, "I'm just going on a field trip with my homeroom class."
"Well if you're just going to a library, I don't understand why you're dressing for a special event," said Mark.
"I don't know," said Becca, "I just thought it would be nice to dress up."
"Well that's fine with me."

While Becca ate her breakfast consisting of a naval orange, a bowl of Trix cereal, and some iced water, she set about packing her lunch: a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with Goldfish crackers, an apple, and two Oreos. Mark checked his wristwatch and said, "Well, I think I'd better get going to work."
"Okay, honey," said Tasha, "We'll see you this evening. Don't forget – tonight's dinner is going to be your favorite – tuna casserole!"
"Mmmmmm!" said Mark, giving Tasha a kiss on the cheek before leaving.
"Great," mumbled Becca under her breath, "Another crappy dinner that I hate."
"Becca!" said Tasha, "I heard that! Besides, you can make a tuna sandwich out of the tuna I have left." The mother's annoyed look then became a softened face of sympathy. Becca paced back and forth at the front door. "Honey, I'm sorry," said Tasha, "But you know I don't want Nicole's death haunting you the rest of your life. You have to move on. I also want you to do better in school."
"I'm trying," Becca said with little enthusiasm. Ever since Nicole's death, Becca's school grades had been going down; she went from straight A's to C's and D's. The reason was because she started thinking that she didn't belong to Tasha and Mark anymore; Becca became lost in a world full of darkness and demons that represented grief, fear, and being bullied by other kids in school. "Becca, your math teacher says you've been drawing pictures of snakes with wings on your homework papers," said Tasha, "And your language arts teacher said to me that some kids call you a crybaby or a coward – and you are none of those things – is something going on that I need to know? Don't be afraid to speak up."
"Okay," said Becca, "So I can't get over Nicole's death, and I don't want anybody around me, that's all." Just then, Becca looked at the clock above the kitchen stove. "Oh my God!" she said, "I gotta get going! School starts in twenty minutes!" Quickly, Becca grabbed her paper bag of lunch and put it into her backpack.
"Have a good day, sweetie," said Tasha, giving her daughter a kiss, "And have a nice time at the library!"
"I will!" Becca called as she put on her coat, grabbed her backpack, and went out the door. When she got outside to the brisk autumn-touched street, Becca sang a song:

The Earth is cold,the fields are bare,
The branches fold against the wind that's everywhere

A flock of birds then flew by, while Becca noticed a kindergarten-aged boy holding his mother's hand and carrying a teddy bear.

The birds move on, so they survive,
When snow's so deep,
The bears all sleep,
To keep themselves alive.

They do what they must for now, and trust in their plan.
If I trust in mine somehow, I might find who I am!
But where do I go from here?
So many voices ringing in my ear,
Which is the voice that I was meant to hear?
How will I know?
Where do I go from here?

Becca ran to the end of her street, and turned left. Her school was soon in sight.

My world has changed, and so have I,
I've learned to choose and even learned to say goodbye.

The path ahead, so hard to see,
It winds and bends,
But where it ends
Depends on only me.

In my heart I don't feel part of so much I've known,
Now it seems it's time to start a new life on my own!
But where do I go from here?
So many voices ringing in my ear,
Which is the voice that I was meant to hear?
How will I know?
Where do I go from here?

Then she entered the main building just as the first bell rang at exactly eight-thirty. Little did she know that on this day, her life would change forever…

Author's Note: The song "Where do I Go From Here?" (c) Disney