Part Ten
Previously, on Garon's Royal Harem…
Waluigi set out to save Garfield and co. from prison, with the help of the Wednesday Frog, an inkling named Sue Percool, and Marx from Kirby. What they didn't know, however, was that Chrom and Garon had led a prison break, and went to the mall. There, they met the legendary Hot Topic Krew, and Waluigi caught up. However, Dem Bois attacked and while the Wednesday Frog was saved, Waluigi vanished. Unable to mourn, the Hot Topic Krew left and the rest of them went shopping. At Nordstrom, they went to check out, but the cashier had turned out to be the leader of Diet Coke…
Everyone gasped. Beneath the hood was a short, pink-haired anime girl. "Wait-Madoka?" Chrom questioned.
But Sue corrected him. "Dumbass, that's not Madoka! It's...it's...it's Natsuki!" Even Garfield was stunned by this. Was the Literature Club really serving Diet Coke!?
"We can't win right now. Not even with my Stand. Everyone, retreat!" ordered Garfield.
Fleeing, the heroes ran. Except, they didn't even get to actually purchase what they wanted to, how sad. As they were running, Chrom pondered to himself, gee. I sure hope that if I can't get into Sma5h, at least Luigi might finally be able to, not realizing Luigi has been in every single installment in the series thus far. Eventually, they reached a grate. Sue, who was in front, stopped. "Guys, we can go in here. This is a shortcut to Smash City, where we can plan what we should do. We're not safe here anymore." Nobody really questioned Sue, so she turned into her squid form and fell through the grate. Garon shrugged, and lifted it up, climbing down after her. Everyone else followed, the grate hitting Chrom's head on his way down, prompting him to let out a small yelp. Somehow, this grate led them to a subway terminal. The group got on the subway and departed for this Smash City.
Onboard, they saw the train conductor-that cursed blue fellow, C. Q. Cumber! "To where are you travelling today?" he asked.
"Smash City. It's an emergency," Sue answered.
"I see." C. Q. Cumber headed back to the control room, but suddenly a passenger wearing a large trench coat shifted-the trench coat fell down, and revealed that underneath was Bowser!...Jr. The small turtle glared, pulled out his Koopa Clown Car, and got in. Making some Bowser Jr. noises, he fired the cannon at Pyra, who jumped out of the way just in time, so the cannonball continued and hit the passenger across the aisle. Their sunglasses fell, and suddenly everyone saw who else was onboard: Nyaruko-slam! "W-wait, hold on! I'm not ready y-"
But Nyaruko-slam was cut off by C. Q. Cumber. "You took damage-test failed." Suddenly, Nyaruko-slam exploded, dying instantly. Everyone nervously gulped. Bowser Jr. was too scared to continue fighting, so he sat back down like a good boy.
The subway eventually reached the Smash City station, and the heroes got off, only to be greeted by a monkey dressed like another train conductor. "Eek eek, welcome to Smash City! Enjoy your stay!" he eagerly spoke, but everyone ignored him.
Pyra tapped Sue on the shoulder. "So, what's Smash City?" she asked. "How's it different from Smashville?"
Before Sue could answer, FeRobin interjected, "well, Smashville only has the Smash Mansion. Ever since Ridley hacked himself into the roster, nobody's been able to counterhack him back out, so the Smash Mansion was officially too small to fit everyone. Master Hand decided to move the hub to Smash City, where the Smash Hotel is located, although not everyone has moved in yet. Anywa…" FeRobin trailed off. Wait, where's Chrom?"
As if being summoned, Chrom showed up on a horse. FeRobin glared. "Chrom, what is that?"
"Famous racehourse American Pharaoh," Chrom answered cheerfully.
"And how did you get American Pharaoh?"
"I stole it."
"Why the frick would you steal a racehorse?"
Chrom paused, thinking of an answer. After what felt like minutes, all he could come up with was "I'M BEING HELPFUL!"
FeRobin groaned. "Ugh. Pyra, what do you think about this?"
"This is so sad," Pyra almost cried as she pulled out a small cylinder. "Alexa, play Despacito."
"...well," FeRobin muttered. "So, Sue, why'd you bring us here?"
"Actually, Garfield told me to. Well, Garfield, why are we here?"
"Simple, my child. Now we know the enemy is Natsuki of the Literature Club. Only other Literature Club members know each other's weaknesses, so we're here to visit their new loremaster-Sayori."
Garon stepped in. "Wait, Sayori? What happened to Monika?"
"Who? Last I checked, DDLC's files don't have data for anyone named Monika…" Sue responded.
Garfield cleared His throat. "Anyway. Sayori should be located next door to Smash City's GracieGrace, so let's head there."
"Wait!" Lucina shouted. "Can we stop at GracieGrace first? We never actually got our stuff at Nordstrom…"
"Ehhhh….no."
"Frick…"
So, the group headed to Sayori's residence. Lucina tried to run into GracieGrace, but Garfield pulled her back before she could enter. Walking through the door into a large room, an intercom turned on. "Greetings, Garon and co. I am Sayori, and I know you come seeking knowledge. However, you must prove yourselves worthy in a test of combat and power. Have fun!"
The intercom shut off, and another door in front of them opened. A figure came out-the Duolingo owl, Duo! "Greetings! I will be administering this test. You must translate words and phrases for me, while also fighting against the Fighting Polygon team. The test will end either when I run out of questions to translate, or you defeat every Fighting Polygon. Any questions?"
Chrom raised his hand. "What happens if we answer wrong?"
"I'll use my Stand, 「 」, and you'll have to give me whatever I say to give me."
"What if we don't answer?"
Duo paused. After what felt like an eternity, he said, "let the test begin!" With that, the Fighting Polygon Team dropped down from the ceiling.
"Egads!" shouted Garon, as he swung his axe at the Samus-Polygon.
Duo spoke again. "First question! Lucina, what does 'je suis un anana' mean?"
"Umm...they sweeten the banana?" Lucina answered.
"Sorry, that's incorrect! ¡Dame tu diadema!"
Suddenly, Lucina's tiara vanished from her head. "What the frick?" she questioned, letting her guard down. The Pikachu-Polygon headbutted her, knocking her down.
"Next, Pyra! What does 'ジャガイモは終わった' mean?"
Pyra smirked, deflecting a blow from the Link-Polygon. "The potatoes are done."
"¡Muy bien!"
Meanwhile, the Robins were dueling the Fox-Polygon, but it just kept reflecting their spells. "By Naga, how do we beat this thing?" FeRobin shouted.
Suddenly, while the Fox-Polygon was occupied, Chrom lunged forward, stabbing it. "I'm being HELPFUL!" he shouted again.
Seizing its chance, Duo asked another question. "Lady Robin! What does 'qualcuno una volta mi ha detto che il mondo mi avrebbe fatto rotolare' mean?"
"Wait, seriously? Why're you asking me!?" she shouted, launching an Arcthunder at the DK-Polygon.
"Sorry, that's not correct. ¡Dame t-"
"Like hell it's incorrect! Why would you think that's my answer!?"
"...dame tus mangas."
Suddenly, FeRobin's sleeves vanished. "What the-?"
Chrom glanced over, and stared. Were those….shoulders!? How was he supposed to focus on the fight now? Clearly FeRobin's shoulders were too distracting, as Chrom got charged by a Link-Polygon and another Pikachu-Polygon, knocking him to the ground. As the Link-Polygon prepared to stab Chrom, Sue shot it with ink, and it exploded.
"Good job, Sue! What does 'Yare yare daze' mean?"
"Good grief…"
"Very good! But look behind you…"
Sue quickly turned around, and came face-to-face with two Samus-Polygons. Quickly pulling out her Dualie Squelchers (too op, pls nerf), Sue shot both of them to death.
"Chrom! What does 'нарвальные беконы в полночь' mean?"
Chrom paused, thinking. Garon and Lucina rushed to protect him, but he couldn't answer.
"...Chrom?" prodded Duo, but Chrom didn't answer. After what felt like an eternity, Duo got sad, suddenly pulled out a loaf of bread, and ate it. He dropped dead-it was a poison loaf of bread!
The intercom came back on. "Very good. You pass," Sayori spoke. The next door opened, and she stepped out. Everyone gasped, even Sayori herself. "W-wait. Garfield is here!?"
"Yes, my child. We are here to learn how to defeat-"
"I know. Natsuki."
"Yes. What is her weakness?"
"Well, to be honest...it all depends on Garon. Or rather, his Royal Harem."
Garon gasped. "O Sayori, how does my Royal Harem fit in?"
"You're going to have to add Muse to it. At the very least you'll need Honoka, Umi, and Nozomi. If we're being honest, it's probably best if you don't add Nico. Her presence won't matter for Natsuki, but do you really want Nico Yazawa in your Royal Harem?"
"Fair enough. But what next?"
"Muse will know what to do."
"Ummm...okay."
Chrom glared. Why do those anime grils get to be with Garon, but not himself? But his fuming was pointless. With that, they left in search for that ragtag group of anime idols.
As they left the building, some dumb-sounding brown-haired kid walked up. "Sorry I'm late, Pyra. You know I love the smell of salvage."
"Oh, Rex, you've been absent so long now. Can you even become relevant to this story?" Pyra informed Rex, booping his nose in the process.
"Aw, that's a load of guff. Of course I can be relevant!"
"Well gee. I guess you're relevant now then."
Before they could progress further, Pete the Pelican showed up. "Is there a Chrom here? I have a letter for a Chrom."
"Yes I am Chrom hi hello" Chrom spoke.
"Here you go," Pete said as he handed Chrom a letter, which Chrom opened.
Greetings,
Prince Chrom of Ylisse. You have been formally invited to join the ranks of Smashers in the newest Smash Bros installment, Super Smash Bros Ultimate. I hope you will accept my offer.
From,
Masahiro Sakurai
Everyone turned to the camera, as if this was an episode of The Office. "Well, frick."
