Hey, sorry it took a long time to update this. I needed to work out a plot - I actually haven't done that anyway. If you guys have any thoughts about what you would like to see in the next chapter and in the story please tell me. It helps with writer's block. Which means I can update this story more consistently and faster.
Don't own Twilight.
. . .
"We create monsters and then we can't control them." - Joel Coen
Sometimes, Bella wonders what Rosalie looks on the inside.
She wonders if she were to hack Rosalie open, crawl inside, under her muscles and explore her for centuries, see what makes her tick, what makes her smile, would she be the same color that Bella was? Red and dark, like maybe her chest was a cavern she was trying to fill up.
If Bella were to lick lines up her thighs, biting, Rosalie wouldn't bruise because she's a vampire, but would she moan? Would she whimper?
Would she whisper Bella's name?
Would Rosalie tell Bella that she loved her?
No, Bella decides, watching as Rosalie smiles. She won't
Bella scratches at her chest anyway.
. . .
"Bella," Edward is holding her hands in her room, taking her attention from Crime and Punishment. "We have to go to Seattle to talk to . . . someone, about some legal information."
"Why?" She asks, but really she doesn't care.
"In case something happens," he look at her like she's suppose to know-
Oh.
"For me?"
He stands, moody face back on. "For you."
"Alright cool, maybe I can go see Jacob-"
"No!" He spins, whirls on her, "absolutely not! I forbid you."
"Forbid me? You forbid me? Like you control me?" Bella's angry now, fucking mad. How dare he?
"He's dangerous."
"Like you aren't! You just said you were going to do illegal business in case you fucking bite me! At least Jacob doesn't have a sick blood lust for me!" Her voice is so loud that it shakes the window.
Edward, oh poor poor Edward, looks hurt. He looks like a whiny piss baby.
"Oh," his alabaster eyebrows are furrowed. "I see." Then he's gone, and Bella can finally breathe.
Thank God.
. . .
Maybe she shouldn't have been so harsh.
. . .
No, he deserved that.
. . .
At some point between fuming and just generally being done with everything, Bella fell asleep.
She's been sleeping a lot these days.
She wakes to Charlie shaking her gently awake.
"Bella," he whispers, and Bella thinks he's the best Dad in the world. Because he's warm and he cares and he loves her, and because he doesn't fucking raise his voice or talk loudly when she's sleepy. "Someone is here for you."
She tries to ask if it's Alice, but it sounds more like "let me sleep."
"The blonde girl is here. Rosalie?"
Suddenly, she isn't so sleepy anymore.
. . .
Rosalie is standing by the fireplace, looking at the photo albums when Bella tentatively walks down stairs.
"Bella, glad to see you're feeling better."
There isn't a response, but Rosalie can feel the question riding in the air. How strange humans can be.
"From yesterday," Rosalie has to explain further. She steps away from the pictures and angles towards the door.
"W-W-What are you doing here?" Bella asks, looking at the floor because she is not worthy enough to look at Rosalie directly. Please love me. Please. I'm dying, disintegrating without you. Look at me, I'm red ick. Look what you've done to me.
Bella looks up, scared, because it seems like Rosalie just read her mind. Her lips are pursed, eyebrows furrowed and Bella's heart starts pounding, pounding, pounding-
"Is Edward really that incompetent that he can't explain simple things? Since he and the rest of the family are out today, I'm watching after you."
Bella isn't sure whether or not to be mad. She doesn't need a babysitter, but also she gets to spend the rest of the day with Rosalie.
The thought both thrills her and fills her with grief.
She doesn't have the energy to get mad anymore, because she's she's so tired, she's so done. She wants to go lie down on her bed and never get up again.
"Well gee, Bells, don't be too happy." Rosalie jokes, there's panic in her voice, but she goes over to Bella to lightly tap her arm.
It's really a bad idea. It's such a bad idea for Rosalie to touch Bella. Because Rosalie ignites something underneath Bella's skin, something that burns and tingles. Rosalie is so warm and all Bella can feel is her heat seeping into her bones and scorching her alive. Fingers tighten and all Bella wants to do is fall on the floor and cry because goddammit she's so sick for Rosalie. All Bella wants to do is hang onto and never let go, because letting go would mean falling but nobody would ever be there to catch her.
And Rosalie won't ever know that she's dying. She can't.
. . .
Everything between them was choppy waves and harsh winds with salt stinging their lungs and sounds burning their throats. A grey day on a beach. One that promised suffering, death.
Rosalie asked what Bella has wanted to do for the day.
"Um, nothing? What did you want to do?"
The blonde looked a little upset, maybe frustrated. Bella froze.
"Well," Rosalie sighed, shifting away from her. "I needed to work on the car..."
"Let's do it."
To Bella's surprise, Rosalie didn't agree right away. So, Bella stood, waiting and waiting and waiting.
"Alright," Rosalie sighed, her shoulders dropping like there's a weight on her shoulders that even Bella can't comprehend. "Maybe. . . I could teach you a few things about your own truck."
. . .
"Okay, so this is the pushrod…"
They've been in the garage for nearly two hours by now. Nothing had gone to shit and Bella hadn't fucked up.
Actually, Bella's heart wasn't aching at all really. It just longed to touch. But it wasn't aching. It was a nice change of waters.
But Bella knew it had to do with Rosalie being so close to her, so near her.
"Bella? You listening?"
"Huh?" Bella startled, sitting up straight. "Uh. Yeah, yeah totally."
Rosalie looked up minutely and looked Bella over, checking for the lie that presented itself up just as easily as it had spewed out of her sinning mouth. There was a small twitch to Rosalie's lips (not the Bella was paying attention) and she ducked back down to work again.
"Sure, Bella." There was a definite smile in the blonde's voice. "Can you hand me that box knife? There's a faulty wire in here."
Bella hopped up from out of the seat without any other prodding and stepped carefully towards the corner where the knife was resting. It was glinting at her with an intent that seemed malicious. A smirk tugged at the corner of her lips. How many times has she stared at knives in these past few months?
Bella's veins itched. The temptation to bring the smooth surface to her wrist was overwhelming, to feel the sting of blood springing up. It was getting harder to breath.
"Bella?" A voice sounded right next to her ear. Bella jumped, open knife dropping down and slicing her palm open on the descent.
The reaction was instantaneous. Rosalie's eyes blew quickly to black, nostrils flared, and eyes shut close. Her red lips were bared, revealing razor sharp teeth.
Bella's muscles froze, remembering the incident that forced the Cullen's to move away before. But nobody was around to stop Rosalie from attacking her, from killing her.
Doesn't matter Bella thinks. She relaxes against the counter and waits for the end.
It doesn't come.
No, instead, Rosalie stand rigid still, looks to the right and breathes out, in, out, in, and slowly melts.
"Bella," Rosalie's voice is rougher than she's ever heard it before. Ice slides down her back. "Are you okay?"
Bella is stunned. How?-
"Yes, I'm okay Rosalie, just a little cut."
Golden eyebrows knit together and a alabaster hand reaches out for Bella's.
Rosalie's touch burns Bella, it leaves marks and it's so incredibly hard to breathe. The pounding in her chest thumps in her ears.
"Bella it's okay I'm not going to hurt you." Rosalie murmurs, squinting at the slice going across Bella's palm. "I need to clean this up, okay? But I can't do that if you're freaking out."
"Yeah," Bella nods, licks her lips and studies the angel in front of her. "How are you doing this?" It almost isn't really a question. It sounds like a demand, it sounds like a plea.
If you can stand this then why did you leave the first time I fucked up?
Rosalie isn't breathing and Bella can see the hunger in her eyes. "Well, not tasting blood has something to do with it."
"Then… why?" Bella can hardly say it. The words taste like poison and toxic waste on her tongue.
"He thought it would be best for you." Rosalie sighed, wiping the wound clean and taping it down with gauze.
"What did you think?"
Gold eyes meet brown minutely. "I thought that was bullshit."
. . .
"Do you think Edward will be mad, Rosalie?" Bella wonders, looking at her hand.
"Yes," Rosalie comes around the kitchen, handing Bella a glass of water. "When is he not?"
"Will you be okay?" Bella is far more concerned for Rosalie's safety than anything else. She doesn't know what she would do if Rosalie got hurt on her account.
Rosalie smirks, lips gleaming dangerously. "Yeah. I'll be okay. I'm a big girl, Bella." She swallows, looks away and adds in a quiet voice. "No need to worry."
. . .
He comes in like a storm, a self-proclaimed god wrecking things just because he can. Bella stiffens, heart beating far too fast to be healthy.
Rosalie picks up on the change of Bella's mood. From easy-going and happy to absolutely afraid.
Edward runs up the stairs, slamming into a wall and straight up to Bella's stricken body. "Bella are you okay? I smell your blood!" He doesn't get a response out of her.
"Chill," Rosalie sighs, looking at her nails. Trying to hide feeling guilty from Edward. "It's a small cut, I cleaned it and she'll be fine."
"Chill? Chill?" Edward screams, tendons standing out. "I made a huge mistake putting her under your watch! You were supposed to make sure that she wouldn't be harmed!"
"So she got a little cut? Whatever, Edward, humans get cuts all the time. It's not her fault, alright? And it sure as hell isn't my fault either. Just because you can't control yourself, doesn't mean the rest of us have to punish ourselves for things that happen naturally."
"Have you forgotten that her blood sings to me, Rosalie? Or do you just not care about Bella?" Edward's voice is unforgiving, cold and hard and Bella flinches because ow. The idea of Rosalie not caring about her damages her right to the core.
"What's going on here?" Esme appears behind Bella, gently pulling her away from harm's way with a reassuring kiss to her hair. "Children, please stop fighting-"
"Care? You think I don't care?" Rosalie explodes, leaping from the edge of the counter to put herself right in front of Edward's face. Bella squirms. She's seen what his teeth could do.
"No," Edward is smirking like he's won the game. Bella can see Rosalie clench her fist. "I know you don't care. Remember when you called to tell me Bella was dead? The tone of nonchalance in your voice?"
His words were bullets and they hit their mark.
Rosalie stumbles back. Glancing at Bella with a broken look. "That- That's not how it went. I- You're lying Edward." Gold eyes are pleading with her but Bella's known for months, years, decades, centuries.
"Can you guys please stop fighting?" Bella's voice is hollow and dead. The rest of the family has joined the show and they all flinch when they hear how tired Bella really is. "Edward, it's not Rosalie's fault. I was being dumb, I should have made sure the knife was closed before I tried to bring it to her."
"Bella-"
"Just take me home." Bella wants to curl up and hide in a dark corner. "I want to see if I can take a nap. Alone." She adds quickly, making sure Edward sees her eyes on him. He nods.
"Of course, my love."
Bella wants to vomit.
Bella turns her back to blonde hair and devastated eyes.
. . .
Bella dreams of breathy moans and pale skin pressed up against her own.
Bella dreams of "Bella, you're so warm. Oh God." and desperate hands tied up in her hair, scratching at her scalp.
Bella dreams of loving kisses pressed to her neck and painful bites on the inside of her thigh that makes Bella drag her hands up a stone back and into honey colored curls.
Bella wakes up breathing hard, teeth biting her own lip and tears stinging her eyes.
Her laugh is of one that would concern a doctor.
Useless. She'll never love you.
. . .
I wonder if I should do a part where it's Rosalie-centric? Like perhaps her thoughts about Bella as of late and how she's been acting? Let me know, I suppose.
