The morning breeze gently brushes through my hair as we walk towards the station platform. I wrapped my arms around to stave off the slight cold. I should have anticipated this chilly morning air as last night's remainder despite the summer season. Unlike me, my companions seem to wear more appropriate clothing for the temperature around us. Well... at least for the moment until the sun turns the land into an oven later on but then again judging from observation women seem to be more heat resistant than men considering the length and bulk of their hair that covers their head.

We arrived at the train station a bit early for the first train departure so we waited. I take a quick gander around the place and found out that we were the first one to arrive. It was a rare sight to see a train station not populated with passengers trying to hastily board the train but considering the time we arrived then I'm not too surprised. I guess everyone else is still enjoying their sleep while here we are, braving the early morning.

Meanwhile Rumi yawns yet again between us.

"Remind me again why we have to travel so early in the morning" she followed

"We've discussed this before haven't we? To promptly follow the routine we decided for our trip, to avoid the dense crowd during peak hours and to avoid direct sunlight on our travel" Yukino answered

"But the sun isn't even up yet"

"The better to arrive early"

"Papa, don't you have a say in the matter?"

"Hmm? Don't mind me, my brain is currently at a lowered functioning level to compensate the little amount of sleep it received. Talk to me later"

She sighed knowing I won't be backing her up.

"If I recall correctly, weren't you the one excited to go today Rumi? "

"But I'm still sleepy"

"You only have yourselves to blame for that. If you followed my order and slept early last night then you both wouldn't be sleepy like this"

"I wasn't complaining" I interjected

Rumi continued to rub her eyes, fighting to stay awake as her head wobble a little.

Soon after, an announcement blared signaling that the train is now ready for departure. We carried our bags and got on board.


I glimpsed outside the windows to see landscapes like blurs as we pass through them. There were barely any other passengers onboard. The few present are probably tourists. The trains' unmistakable rattle of engine courses through the air. This didn't bother Rumi who napped peacefully with her head resting on her mother's shoulder. Yukino on the other hand held a book reading without trouble as the train smoothly travels.

After days of planning to camp as promise to Rumi we finally agreed and managed to do the trip today. She proposed that we go to a villa owned by her family as a summer or winter vacation.

"Are you sure we only need to bring so few?" I asked breaking the silence

Inside the bags are our change of clothes, umbrella, sleepwear and a number of books.

"Don't worry, the cabin we're going to are well equipped despite the fact that most of my family haven't visited it for a long time. I think Nee-san still frequents it occasionally"

"Speaking of your sister is that how you got the idea where to travel; that you're suggestion to come here came from your sister?"

"No, I planned this all my own. I have no reason to associate with Nee-san for this, especially with the circumstance we're in right now"

"Then the call you received earlier?"

"That was just her usual meddling. I ended our conversation after a meaningless small talk from her part. No need to be concerned about it."

Yukino dropped the subject, uninterested to talk about the calls with her older sister. I feel like the calls have become more frequent lately or has it been always like this during our schooldays and I only noticed it now because I began to stay in her apartment. If she's onto us then she would have already done something a long time ago but nothing ever came up. As much as I'd like to believe that I'm just being a little paranoid I can't shake the feeling.


After a long trip we finally arrived to our destination. Needless to say it was different from my expectations. It looks more like a farmhouse rather than a luxurious vacation home that I anticipated. Its size isn't small but not anything to boast about. Various shrubs and trees surround the place. There were empty lands of wheat fields that stretch at our sides. The environment made me aware how different this place is from the town we grew up in.

"It's beautiful" Rumi commented

"So is this the place?" I asked Yukino

"Yes while it's been ages since I've visited. Looking at it is giving me a familiar feeling"

"Are you really sure this is the place?"

"I already told you that it is. I know my sense of direction isn't correct some of the time but I'm sure that we've arrived at the right place. Rather than doubt me why don't you carry our bags inside!"

"I'm not trying to pick a fight. I'm just making sure. There's no need to abuse me."

"Come on, hurry up" Rumi was already ahead of us urging us to go inside already.

After unpacking our things I went back to the living room. Rumi explored the rest of the house leaving Yukino near the entrance. Yukino walked slowly with eyes staring fondly around the place. Walking again here must be have triggered a sense of nostalgia for her. The designs having the nature of wood furnishings gave the place an authentic touch. All the decorations and objects from her past surrounding us makes me feel like I've stepped into her life long ago.

"I've checked the electricity, water and various places and it looks like everything is working as intended" I told her

"Good, While Nee-san is the last person to stay here. I was worried she might not have left the house in condition or that the place might have deteriorated already after months

I'll be preparing our lunch shortly you can relax or explore the place like Rumi if you want Hachiman"

"I think I'll lie down and relax first. The journey here sapped away my strength."

"Sure. I'll call you both when lunch is ready"


After lunch we were on our way to visit the nearby town as Yukino suggested. Although 'nearby' might be the wrong word for it since the nearest town is around a mile away from the house. It was already tiresome to walk here from the station but to do it all over again to gather supplies is taxing. After walking down the path to the next town, the expanse of fields on each side was slowly replaced by trees and undergrowth.

"Did you like your stay here before?" I asked Yukino to open up a conversation

"It can get too hot for comfort on some days during the summer but at least its windier here compared to the city. Overall this is a quiet place to live with"

"Doesn't it get lonely here?" Rumi asked

"I guess it is for some people but I was never bothered by it"

"If you came from a home nestled in a city then this place would put you out of your comfort zone but as for me… I wouldn't mind this life too. I've come to be accustomed to a life of a loner so staying here wouldn't change much of my lifestyle"

"Really just like that? You would accept the life of a hermit" Rumi inquired

"Of course not… the materials I need for entertainment happens to be close to civilization so it would be a bother to live out here"

"Don't mind asking him again questions like that he'll only have shallow answers" Yukino told Rumi

"That doesn't make my answer any less credible"

"If your stand about your life influence others then it is subject for scrutiny and should be judged appropriately if wrong"

"I'm entitled for my own opinion and to what I want to do in my life. Other people don't factor into what I do. The things that happen in front of me are parts of my life and my life alone. Whether I want to become a corporate slave is up to me to which I don't. How can working hellish overtime hours is in anyway blissful?"

"Work doesn't only mean to serve as a way to earn a living. In fact even if we have the money to support ourselves we would still continue to do so. Because work gives us a feeling of being tied into society and that it is our responsibility to contribute"

"Leave it to a fellow Japanese to speak work as the all encompassing purpose of people" I retorted

"You speak as if you're not a part of our nation but considering you then I won't bother

Besides I was only giving an example to extend my belief. The meaning of life might be to find your purpose, but the purpose of life is to share it with others"

"Why do people enjoy putting meaning to life in order to make it seem significant? Everyone lives in different standards so of course the interpretation of the meaning varies in the same way" I rebutted

"We all live life differently but our efforts are merited collectively as a community. One life affects another regardless of intent so we need to reflect on our decision with others in mind"

"You can say what you want about it but the proper moral purpose of one's life is the pursuit of one's own happiness. Selfishness is not wrong. There is nothing wrong in living for yourself. It is in the human nature itself."

"Being selfish will only lead you towards vice."

"Selfishness is not synonymous to evil but merely means a concern to one's own interest. A person who steals or disregards others for his own benefit is not evil based on the fact that they pursued his own interest but in what he regards as to his own interest; not in the fact that he pursues his values, but in what he chose to value; not in the fact that he wants to live, but in the fact that he wants to live on a subhuman level"

"It's true that selfishness does not inherently mean that you're evil but would you find people that actively admit that they're selfish? As we grow a selfish person will begin to broaden his horizon and stop to focus solely on what is in front of them. They will stop and think about why they make the choices that they do and consider the people around them that might get affected.

We do not grow as a society without charity and reciprocity. It is not selfishness but altruism that is a critical part of human nature. There is an innate desire for equity and our present society is proof of that"

"How about you Rumi?" I asked to divert the topic.

"Eh? yes"

"Who do you agree with?"

"I… I don't really agree with you both… well to an extent"

"Hmmm… then do you have your own opinion?"

She nodded.

"Care to share it with us then"

"Uh I'm not sure… I… how do I say it"

"Go on. We won't laugh"

She bowed her head to think on her answer. Our attention in now at her, curious to what's her take on this.

"Alright answer this. What is love? Tell me its how, its method, its meaning, its purpose… Why do you love? How does one go about loving?"

"What does that got to do with what we're talking about?"

"Just go along with me here."

We contemplated her words. What could she might have meant about that?

"Alright then let me express my own notion of it.

Let us imagine a plant... Can a plant love? It seems to me it cannot. At least from the perspective of humans, trees and shrubs don't express in any way that can be viewed as love."

We nodded

"What about animals? Do they love?"

"Some of them do some of them don't depending on how you want to define it. You can see some offer affection towards its mate or its herd. If you consider those as acts of love then yes you could argue animals can" I replied

"Do you think they define love in the same way us human's do?"

"They don't. Their function of love is for reproduction they do it as a necessity for the survival of their species."

"How about humans… do they love? Yes, I believe so. Love is one of those mysterious feeling that people are programmed to do. You mentioned that one of its functions is reproduction. But that is a function independent of love."

"I don't think love is the all encompassing purpose of humans. We don't all experience it in the same proportion nor in the same amount and some of us would argue that they live through life in its absence."

"Then Let's see... "

She lowered her head to reflect.

"…Why does a rose bloom? Why does a canary sing?"

Another cryptic question. She continued without pause

"Love is not rational. It's not something you try to explain through logic. It's something that is planted in the depths of our hearts and steadily blossoms into something beautiful.

There is neither rhyme nor reason to the process of love. Even if you do see reason in it, still it is more than an emotion that you can explain.

Love is something that visits like wakefulness after a slumber. Just as we awake in the morning to begin our day... we are put on this earth for the purpose of love. To live is to love. To ask what is the meaning of love, is to ask what is the meaning of life."

"Canaries are born to sing. Humans are born to love. No matter how I think, it kinda sounds like a childish rant of a romantic. Even if a rose is born to bloom, I don't believe that a rose knows this. And I don't believe a canary believes its purpose is to sing."

"I guess so… but from the eyes of a human, it might appear that the only purpose of a rose is to bloom.

I know that many people don't believe that they are living for the purpose of loving. But from my perspective...

I believe that people only live to love and that is just how things are."

We couldn't help but chuckle a bit because of her response.

"Eh? You said you wouldn't laugh muuhhh…"

This just goes to show the similarities and differences between our principles, and also serves as a mental note that I should avoid getting into a philosophical argument with these two as much as possible.


We arrived in town and it looks exactly as I anticipated. There were no tall buildings that stood out. Despite being a rural town it doesn't fall behind with development as there are shops, markets occasionally scattered. There was an absence of congestion from cars and people. The few people that we see are neither in a hurry to go somewhere nor are their faces afflicted with stress. They go about in a calm and constant pace.

We continue to stroll with Yukino leading us. She recommended to shop at the store near the corner where we entered town to which we agreed.

We had a quick stroll to gather the supplies we need. The store is surprisingly stocked with variety despite the town looking rural. We then headed over to the counter to finish our shopping for groceries. Behind the counter was an old lady that seemed to have aged with the town alongside her

"Are you tourists visiting the town, we don't get visitors a lot 'round these parts so it's easy to know an unfamiliar face" the receptionist asked.

"Yes, we're currently staying at the cabin north from here." Yukino responded

"Ah that villa near the mountain base… My, it has been so long since someone lived there…"

"I used to stay there during winter when I was a child"

"Really now. Oh goodness how time flies look at how you've grown so beautiful. I see you have your own family now and have a cute daughter of your own" the old lady commented. Rumi moved behind Yukino acting timid towards the old lady.

"Eh…She's… she's not really my daughter" She whispered, barely said it to clear this misunderstanding. She looked away trying to hide the slight tint of red on her cheeks.

She then turned her attention to me.

"You must be the husband and father," she adjusted her glasses trying to study my demeanor.

"My my, you must be proud to be married to a beautiful wife and have a healthy daughter"

"What? Uh… sure…" Her bold remarks made me embarrassed for the people I'm with

"No need to be shy now young man. It's alright to flaunt your lovely family hehe"

Telling the truth will be a waste of time and effort since we're only visiting the town so telling our circumstance to a random stranger holds no significance. That said, I'm not yet used to hearing comments like that so it's hard to act unfazed. At least she didn't comment anything harshly at my appearance.

"Will your family live here from now on?"

"I'm afraid we'll only be here for a few days" I replied

"Well if you ever do decide to stay then I'd be glad to welcome you all"

"Don't be strangers now, come back if you need anything."

We waved our hand to as a sign of courtesy for our departure. She smiled sincerely as we went out.


After a walk we decided to stop by a nearby playground to rest before continuing our walk back. We headed towards the short bench near the swings. After approaching it we soon noticed that the bench wasn't enough for the three of us to fit so Yukino and I instead sat on the swing.

Compared to the usual swings you'll find on an ordinary playground the seats are elevated higher. Yukino's feet for example almost can't touch the ground. I guess whoever designed this didn't like kids and made this an adult only swing. Then again considering that there's probably not a lot of kids or to be exact not a lot of people in this town to complain about this anyway.

Rumi kept staring at the swing seat we're on.

"Would you like to try the swing." I offered Rumi

"Are you teasing me?"

"That was a serious offer. You're wasting your youth like that if you keep on sulking"

"That's ironic coming from you." Yukino said

"hmph. Like you're any better than me"

"I think in fact I am" she effortlessly said

"E-ehem now as I was saying would you like to give this a try"

It didn't take long for me to convince her to try it.

"No- Not so high"

I pushed her from her back to give momentum to the swing. Rumi clings on the chains tightly for her life while Yukino looks from the side and decided to take some pictures. Within a few turns Rumi, despite her complaints, enjoyed the ride.

"Faster- faster"

"Weren't you complaining earlier to slow down? Make up your mind."

We continued for while. I stopped momentarily wary of the energy I need to walk back to the cabin. Rumi hopped off with a satisfied face.

"You know to begin with if you wanted to try it then you should have asked earlier"

"I'm only being courteous. I don't want you to think of me as too outspoken" She held her head down doubtful of what she said.

"Why? How can you be true to yourself if you doubt everything you want to do? Are you afraid that the people around you get to decide who you are as a person? Your image varies from person to person so there is no such a thing as your true self."

"But…"

"Stop hesitating every time you want to do something, go ahead and ask

You can do what you want with your life. Whether they lead you to fulfillment or consequences, you are free to decide and bear the results of it.

That's what youth is - it's more than just studying or playing or having fun with friends nor is it about finding love… those are only a part of it, But what it is… what it should be… is freedom "

...

...

"Aha… ahaha..ahahahahaha…"

Yukino turned her head away from us trying to hide her laughter though with poor results.

"hahahahahahahahaha…"

Rumi followed and giggled uncontrollably

"Huh? What… I don't recall saying a joke. There must be something wrong with you two if you found anything I said to be part of a skit"

"We're not really laughing at you Hachiman. We were only heeding your advice by exercising our freedom to laugh on account of our youth after hearing a corny speech"

"ahahahaha…Yes… Yes that's right we're only enjoying our youth by being free to laugh.. ahahaha"

"Alright already, I admit that it's not like me to say something like that and it didn't came out the way I intended it so could you both stop it"

I walked off in a hurry urging them to walk already. We got back as darkness settles outside. We had dinner and afterwards decided to sleep early. There were rooms enough to house each of us separately so we picked our own. Rumi was reluctant for the three of us to separate for our sleep but we eventually convinced her that everyone needs space once in a while. We immediately went to our separate rooms to sleep after a tiring day.


I awoke after a light slumber to see the clock showing that it's almost midnight. I lost the urge to return to sleep immediately so I got up and head towards the living room. By this time they should be sleeping peacefully. The rooms where they rest right now is adjacent towards my own. I moved quietly to not disturb them by chance. The air outside seeping from out the window felt a lot cooler which urged me to go out and have a short stroll. As I walk I could see a person's figure faintly in the distance. She stood there alone. Her head gaze up with her long hair flutter through the wind. Despite the difficulty of recognizing someone at night I immediately knew who it was. Her face became familiar as I approached her. It was Yukino

"Hachiman?" She faced my direction after hearing my approaching footsteps.

"Hmm… You missed an opportunity there to pretend that you don't know me like last time"

"Would you prefer that I do that every time you creep up on me at the middle of the night?"

"I'm not sneaking around you I just felt like going out for a while and you just so happen to be here too"

"I'm beginning to wonder if coincidence is the only reason why we meet like this."

"I'm one of the two people you're staying with near the vicinity so there's a higher chance for the two of us to meet like this. However I understand if you feel uncomfortable to meet like this on this hour so I'll let you have your space"

I turned around and started to walk back.

"I'll take my leave then"

"It's alright I really don't mind either way"

"Are you sure?"

When I turned to look at her I found that she was again looking up the sky. She didn't reply further. After a short decision making I decided to stay only to not let my effort go to waste and just to be clear there's no other reason besides that.

I walked towards her.

I noticed that there's a large blanket near her. She sat on it to continue looking at the sky. She must have intended to stargaze tonight.

"You can sit beside me if you want. It's large enough for both of us"

She moved to the side a little to show invitation. I accepted the offer and sat beside her to gaze at the same night sky.

We lay down underneath the open sky. In front of us are stars that stretch as wide as the open night sky. The sky was clear with not a cloud neither the moon to obfuscate their brilliant shine.

"It feels surreal"

"What is?"

"Just the three of us here together… far away from everything… acting as if we really are a family on vacation"

"I guess"

Time passes as we look to the sky. The only sound coming from is the breeze and the rustling of leaves around us.

"Ne, Yukino…"

"Yes?"

"If you have to choose only one, which do you think is more beautiful? The fireworks we witnessed at the amusement park or the stars in front of us right now"

"Why do you ask?"

"No reason, just small talk"

She paused

"There's no need to choose as I don't prefer one over the other. I have the option to enjoy both so I chose to."

"I mentioned that you only need to choose one over the other. It's cheating to say both"

"I gave myself the option to choose both… besides don't I have the freedom to?"

"Fine, do want you want"

"How about you then?"

"Humans are like fireworks. We all try to climb higher striving for success and eventually we'll go our separate ways and become further apart. If fireworks are the flash of life then the stars represent eternity. They glow in the night sky unaffected by any human activities. There are stars before us as there will be after us.

If I only need to choose one, which I asked clearly, then I'd choose the stars"

If you think about how I compared the two to humans, then I chose an unrealistic answer. That such a thing as perpetual might not exist for us. But I won't accept that as the inevitable truth. Someday I'll understand and rest easy knowing that it is possible to have a relationship where you're free to burden one another... If there is such a thing as everlasting for us humans then I'll always keep searching for it.

"Earlier today you mentioned your thoughts about youth" Yukino asked in turn

"I did and you laughed at me"

"Only because you're the last person I know who'd say something like that"

"…"

"Doesn't that contradict with your usual saying

If failure is the hallmark of being young, like they say. then someone who has failed to make friends must be at the peak of his youth, right? However, I'm sure they will disagree. All of this is just their double standards at play and nothing else. Here's the bottom line: Fools that enjoy their youth should go kill themselves…

Weren't these your exact words from your essay?"

She quoted while doing a poor replica of my voice. I'm surprised she even knows that let alone remember that about me

"Yes and what I wrote holds true for me… but maybe… not for her"

"What do you mean?"

"They say despair runs deepest when you're at the peak of hope

We've been ostracized from peers in our youth that slowly turned us to who we are today. It is our experience that shaped our principles; we adapted to become a type of person that we embody, a loner.

But for her to have the people who care for her since birth taken away…

How can we even begin to compare ourselves to what she felt when she met that accident. We have no right to say that we understand her because we really don't.

If she becomes cynical due to my influence then so be it but if not then I still wouldn't judge her any differently. We shouldn't force our own values into her. She is not me and she is not you. We can guide her but it is no one's decision but hers that will shape her to become who she will be. "

We paused only to continue to gaze at the stationary sky before us. An indefinite amount of time passed between us. There were no clocks or any close object to signify time moving forward. I felt time slows down during nights like this.

"I remember doing something like this when I was young. I felt my home suffocating me so one time I did something I never thought I'd actually do.

I went out despite being told never to go out late at night. It was the first time I did not heed the rules set out for me"

"What did you feel about it? Did you feel bad knowing you disobeyed your parents or good that you were somehow able to do it?"

"Neither. I felt… nothing. I felt nothing at all towards my action.

But from what I remember is I did feel something being out here similar to what I'm feeling right now…

It all felt foreign yet endearing to me, like I stepped into a new world away from ours. The sensation of the night air, the tranquility of open space, the solitude with only the stars of the night as illumination"

"Being here able to stargaze again must be nostalgic for you then"

"It does. Aside from memories I think recall the feelings that kindled me through nights like this while looking at the stars.

They look so near when in fact so far from each. An immeasurable wide chasm of empty space separates each one from the other. But despite that in our point of view they seem bundled up together.

I think people are the same. You can look at a group of people and judge that they're close to each other but in reality they don't truly understand one another"

She raised her hand open towards the sky

"Yet despite that, there are times that I feel that if I stretch my arm to grab them then I'll scoop up a handful of stars with my own hands

That if I can help then I can make a difference if I be there for someone"

"Is that your inspiration for the service club?"

"Maybe. I never thought of it that way. "

"But you can't regardless of what we imagine or what we try to dream to have there are times where we'll always be here still grounded." She and I both should now this well.

"Ne, Hachiman, do you ever feel like you're trying to reach out for something that's impossible to reach"

I return my gaze towards her. I can only interpret her stare that she meant that seriously despite that sounding like a rhetorical question.

"I did long ago… maybe I still do now..."

"Is that so…"

I anticipated she would ask me if I ever did reach such a thing. But she didn't follow up after that. She returned to look up at the sky again as did I.

Once again I find myself glancing on her direction to linger longer instead of the stars above us. She noticed this and ended up staring at me. The darkness of the night hides her features save for her blue eyes that faintly glistens. I felt that warm sensation slowly rise in my chest again.

"It's really late now. Shall we go back?" I offered to break the awkward silence.

"Right… I need to prepare our breakfast later anyway. We should get some sleep then"

We stood up, gathered the blanket lying on the ground and head back.

We said our good nights before separating into our own bedrooms.


Author notes:

I've always wanted to write philosophical discussions between the characters but I soon realized I can't use the themes similar to canon. They're neither in a high school setting nor in groups where Hachiman can make social commentaries about nice girls or about crowds showing the micro-environment of society, etc. So if I wanted to make philosophical discussions I needed to go deeper and boy was I out of my comfort zone.

I ended up skimming through books about objectivism specifically the virtue of selfishness by Ayn Rand and counters against such ideas. After reading different discussions about various ideas of human nature and its metaphors from forums, wiki pages, Ever 17, so on and so forth I finally was able to write something along the lines of what you've read in this chapter… hopefully it's not much of a mess as I think it is.

Nevertheless at least I gave my effort to emulate one of the canon's aspects that made me like it a lot.

Thanks for reading and hope to read from your comments again in upcoming chapters, till next time.