Jyn had been orphaned when she was eight years old. She had lost her mother on the shores of Lah'mu. The same day Galen Erso, her father, taken away from her. She had now, just lost the man who had raised her in the caves of Jedha. And, the same day, found Galen Erso, whoever he was now.
If she's alive, if you can possibly find her to let her know that my love for her has never faded and how desperately I've missed her.
The words echoed in Jyn's mind, tearing her apart with the same voracity as she clung to them.
Galen Erso is alive. My father is alive.
He wasn't a traitor. He wasn't a coward, or a pawn of the Empire. Those men, the men she had hated her entire life had died on Jedha. A different man, one made up of pale blue light had taken their place.
She sat in the cabin of the U-Wing trying to reconcile all the opposing facts scrambling to find order in her mind. She was only vaguely aware of her compatriots scattered around the cabin. She could only imagine how she looked; disheveled, dirt encrusted, and catatonic. It was pathetic.
"Baze, tell me," Chirrut said, managing to pierce through her mental fog. "All of it? The whole city?"
The blind man's protector gave no answer. His eyes stayed forward, watching the white blue streaks of hyperspace stream past the bulk head window.
"Tell me," Chirrut repeated.
"All of it," Baze answered bitterly.
Jedha City was gone. For a long moment, her mind couldn't picture it. The concept of an entire city disappearing off the face of the planet in a single blast eluded her. Then she thought of Saw, and it became real.
The death of Jedha City meant the death of Saw Gerrera. It meant the death of Saw's rebels. It meant the death of the vendors and pilgrims she had hours before pushed past in the now destroyed market. It meant the death of the little girl she had saved in the plaza. She felt sick, and then she got angry.
The planet killer was real. The Death Star was real. That's what her father had called it. She had mocked its existence and, now, she was faced with the undeniable truth.
"Understood." It was Cassian's voice. She looked up to see him mummer into the comm unit. He then called to the droid in the cockpit. "Set course for Eadu."
"Is that where my father is?" Her voice was hoarse from lack of use, but she still kept her chin high.
"I think so," he answered.
She tried to picture meeting him. The light in the cave turning into something solid and real. She should had felt joy at the idea, but all she got was apprehension and shame. She wasn't the little girl he had left on Lah'mu. She was a fighter, a thief, a killer. She was a person who had spent the last fifteen years hating Galen for being a man he never was. What could she say to him? What kind of person could she had been if she had known?
"You're Galen's daughter?"
She turned to the man sitting in the corner. She didn't recognize him, but that didn't stop her from pitying him. He looked like he hadn't slept in days. His entire body was on edge and his eyes were wide as if, at any moment, the entire haul would swallow him whole. She couldn't imagine somebody looking worse than her, but there he was.
"You know him?"
"I'm Bodhi," he said, placing a hand on his chest. "The pilot."
"You brought the message."
She felt a light in her brighten. He knew her father. He had seen him with his own two eyes. There were so many questions she wanted to ask.
"Yes. Your father…he said I could get right by myself. He said, I could make it right, if I was brave enough to listen to what was in my heart. Do something about it." He stopped, as a swell of emotions threatened to overpower him. He held his head low, finally choking out the words. "Guess it was too late."
Jyn shook her head. "It's not too late."
"Seems pretty late to me," Baze commented darkly.
"No." The word resounded in the ship as loudly as in Jyn's mind. Her father had sent the message. The pilot had delivered it. It couldn't be the end. It could not have all been for nothing.
"We can beat the people who did this," she said, her voice stronger than it had been in years. "My father's message, I've seen it. They call it the Death Star. But they have no idea there's a way to defeat it."
She stood, facing Cassian. The fire was back and she clung to it for life.
"You were wrong about my father."
"He did build it," Cassian countered, as if that made all the difference.
"Because he knew they'd do it without him," she bit back, just as harshly. "My father made a choice. He scarified himself for the Rebellion. He rigged a trap inside."
She turned to Bodhi. "That's why he sent you. To bring the message."
"Where is it?" Cassian asked. "Where's the message?"
Jyn stopped. The emptiness she had felt came back to her. She saw the pale blue figure stop and fade from existence as the entire cave shook.
"It was a hologram," she said limply.
Cassian didn't let up, taking a step closer. "You have that message, right?"
She shook her head, feeling a tightness in her throat. "Everything happened so fast."
Cassian scoffed at the excuse. He turned to Bodhi. "Did you see it?"
The pilot looked up at him clearly wishing he had a different answer. He shook his head, before looking away, ashamed.
"You don't believe me," Jyn bit out.
He looked at her then, and suddenly, she wasn't so sure. It landed somewhere between earnest and patronizing. "I'm not the one you've got to convince."
Meaning the rest of the rebellion. Jyn's jaw tighten at the thought. What sway did she have over them? General Draven would shoot her down the moment she opened her mouth. Mon Mothma might side with her, but the odds of that were too great.
"I believe her," Chirrut stated.
Cassian almost laughed. "That's good to know."
"So do I." It was Sera's voice. Both Jyn and Cassian looked to her. Jyn had barely registered the girl on board. She hadn't said a word since they blasted off from Jedha. She hadn't even moved. Jyn felt a twist of guilt, as she stared at her. The fear in the girl's eyes could rival Bodhi's. Still, she met each of their gazes, and even managed to shoot Jyn a small smile.
She had one rebel ally. Jyn doubted the girl would be enough to convince the council, but the girl seemed to know that. It was gesture of solidarity, and for that, Jyn was grateful.
"What kind of trap," Baze asked. He had been slumped against the wall of the ship during the exchanged, but at the voice of her partner and the girl, had moved upright. "You said your father made a trap."
"The reactor," Jyn said, feeling some of her confidence come back to her. "He's placed a weakness there. He's been hiding it for years. He said, if you can blow up the reactor – the module – the whole system goes down." She turned back to Cassian. "You need to send word to the alliance."
"I've done that."
"They have to know there's a way to destroy this thing," she insisted. "They have to go to Scarif to get the plans."
"I can't risk sending that," he snapped. "We're in the heart of Imperial territory."
She couldn't argue with him, but she couldn't let him win either. All she had left was the message. She couldn't fail now.
"Then we'll find him," she said. "And bring him back, and he can tell them himself."
The silence which proceeded Jyn's declaration did not bother Bodhi. He was too preoccupied with his own mind to give it much thought. The Bor Gullet and tore his mind apart and put it back together again in the wrong order. His mother, Galen, his flight instructor, Saw, the cave, the message, all of it blurred together, happening all at once, and not at all. He was starting to get a hold of himself again. Lines began to define themselves between his past and his present. But, it was a slow process.
He could see Galen, his voice low and forbearing.
If you wish to know what we are building, Bodhi Rook, you may simply ask.
And he had asked. He had seen it. He could still feel the ground shaking beneath his feet. He could hear the wall of death and destruction hurtling toward him. And he could see it in the sky, hovering above the planet.
Come on, a voice felt a tug of his hand. A girl with red hair was staring at him, begging silently to run.
He had been on Jedha. The destruction had come to Jedha. The Holy City. His home. It had all been for nothing.
But it wasn't. It couldn't. Jyn, Galen's daughter, said it wasn't. They could stop it. They had to stop it.
If you can blow up the reactor – the module – the whole system goes down.
He clung to the thought, repeating it over and over again in his mind, allowing it to bring him to the present moment. They were going to Eadu. They would find Galen. They would find a way to destroy it. His mind was coming back, slowly, but surely.
He caught a movement out of the corner of his eye. The red hair girl was moving around the cabin, shuffling through one of the nearby packs. The name, Sera, drifted into his mind. He remembered her from the cave. Her voice had pierced through all the scrambled memories and sounds. He wondered why it took him so long to remember.
Sera stopped her movements, smiling as she found what she was looking for. Crossing the cabin, she held out a food packet to him.
"Here," she said. "You must be starving."
Bodhi stared at the offering as apprehension filled him. It was a trick. It had to be. A part of him wondered if he was still in the cave, but then he thought of the monster in the sky, and he forgot all about it. He glanced up. The girl hadn't moved. She was still holding out the packet, waiting for him to take it. Cautiously, he did.
It seemed enough for her as she took a seat next to him and opened her own.
Bodhi took a small bite. It wasn't good, but it wasn't bad either. His stomach growled as he took another bite. In a matter of minutes, the packet was completely gone. He hadn't realized how hungry he was.
Silently, Sera handed him a canteen, which he took gratefully. He couldn't stop himself. As soon as the water reached his lips he chugged the whole thing. When he finished, he looked back to Sera and handed the canteen back to her sheepishly.
"Thank you."
"You're welcome."
There was a pause. She looked like she wanted to say something but couldn't think of the exact words. She looked down at her hands, fiddling with then idly, until, finally, she spoke. "I'm sorry this happened to you."
Her voice was so sincere, it made his heart ache. Suddenly, all he had left behind came back to him. He had abandoned his friends, suffered torment and humiliation, all for what? For the small hope of destroying a now complete battle station. One that had already destroyed his home? He had failed. He was not a good man or a brave man. It was all gone. Who was she to offer him any sort of sympathy or kindness?
She gave him an odd look and cocked her head to the side. "Are you ok?"
He blinked. He hadn't realized he had been staring. A slight panic took hold, as he physically gulped.
"Why are you being nice to me?" he asked.
Sera didn't answer right away, letting the question hang in the air. Her initial reaction as surprised, but it only lasted a moment and sadness took over her features. He had a strange feeling he wasn't the first person to ask her that question.
"You defected, right?" she asked. "Brought the message."
He nodded.
"Then, I don't see why I need another reason."
Bodhi stared at her. Her tone had left no room for argument, but doubt still resided in his mind.
"You said Galen told you, you could do right by delivering the message," Sera said, as if sensing his thoughts. "What were you going to do after?"
He was taken aback by the question. He hadn't thought about it in so long, it felt like a lifetime ago. When he first started out, the idea of joining the rebellion had appealed to him. After he delivered the message, he had hoped to be welcomed into the rebellion with open arms. Instead, he had been met with distrust, contempt, and pure unadulterated hatred. Saw's men were not the gallant men and women Galen had promised in his stories. They were the killers, and the terrorist the Empire had warned him about.
"I don't know," he said. "I suppose I would join the rebellion. Home isn't really an option anymore."
"Where is home for you?" she asked, gently.
His gut twisted. She didn't know. How could she? A sudden sadness took hold of him at having to be the one to tell her.
"Jedha," he answered.
Her face turned blank. He wished it hadn't. It remined him of every other soldier's face he had encountered since he started his mission. He needed the openness back, if only for a moment. He wanted to talk to a person again.
"Where's home for you?" he asked, hoping for some kind of reaction.
She blinked in surprise. The blankness fell away, as distance replaced it. He wasn't sure if it was better or worse.
She found his gaze again, shaking her head as she tried to hide her embarrassment with a smile. "The rebellion, I suppose," was her only answer.
Bodhi's heart twisted. What had the Empire taken from her?
Flashes of dead bodies, burned down homes, and white stormtroopers echoed through his mind. All of them possibilities. He looked around at the others strung about the cabin. The Empire had taken from all of them. Was that what the rebellion consisted of? Lost souls with no home to go back to?
His attention came back to Sera just as she rose from her seat. She couldn't look him in the eye.
"There are supplies in the pack to help you clean up, if you'd like," she said, walking towards the cockpit. "You should try and get some rest, it's a long way to Eadu."
"What about you?" he asked, quickly.
She stopped and turned to him. The embarrassment was still there, but it had faded slightly at the gesture and a soft smile returned to her lips.
"I'm alright," she promised.
He didn't believe her, but he didn't know her well enough to call her out on it.
"Get some rest," she insisted. "Nothing is going to happen between here and Eadu."
Sera turned and continued on her way to the cockpit. Her conversation with the pilot got to her more than she wanted to admit. Did he have family on Jedha? Perhaps she should have asked, but she wasn't sure she could handle the answer. What could she even say? She didn't know what losing a home meant. Before the rebellion, the closest thing she had was her mother's ship. And a ship was a poor substitute for a city.
She shook her head. She couldn't get the roar of the explosion out of her mind. She closed her eyes and she could still see the wall of earth engulfing the ship and the small, out of place moon in the sky.
The Holy City is gone. The Empire did it. They actually did it.
She took a breath. One foot in front of the other. She just had to keep one foot in front of the other. First, they had to find Galen Erso. Once they got him off Eadu, then she could think about the rest. She had to take it one step at a time.
She entered the cockpit to see Cassian staring out into hyperspace with a blank expression. She made sure to place a little more pressure into her steps, so not to startle him.
"I can take over if you'd like," she offered, softly.
Cassian didn't say anything for a long while. He turned a few switches, not looking at her. For a moment, Sera thought he hadn't heard her.
"She could be lying, you know," he finally said.
Sera held back a sigh. She didn't want to fight him. It felt like it was all they had done since they started the mission. Without a word, she slipped into the co-pilot seat, and stared out into the void in front of her.
"You don't believe that," she said.
Again, Cassian remained silent. The only indication of his emotions being the smallest twitch of his jaw. "Maybe," he admitted, "but that still means Galen could be lying."
Sera turned her gaze to him and shook her head. "I can't believe that. It's too elaborate a ruse, just to lure us out."
He didn't make any counter argument. It was starting to frustrate Sera. Silence meant one of two things, either she was right, or he was hiding something from her.
"Besides, it doesn't matter," she continued. "We're supposed to bring him back alive any way."
There was a shift then; a blink and you'll miss it flash of doubt on his features. She thought back to when Cassian first sent word to the alliance. She had seen the look on his face; the hardened resolve the appeared after the transmission was over. Whatever his orders were, they didn't sit well with him. If there was one thing which could unsettle Sera more than anything, it was Cassian even remotely questioning his orders.
"We are bringing him back alive, aren't we?" Sera questioned. "Those were the orders Mon Mothma gave us."
Cassian wasn't even trying to hide the fact he wasn't looking at her. His grip on the stirring tightened as he tried to distract himself by adjusting the controls.
"Those were the orders Mon Mothma gave us," he repeated blankly.
Sera's jaw tightened as she realized who had received Cassian's message. It was no secret amongst the rebel soldiers that she did not like General Draven. She always found his methods too swift and brutal for her taste with little thought of the consequences. In his mind, so long as the job got done, none of it mattered. And he did get the job done. The high command trusted him. Cassian trusted him, and she trusted Cassian. It was a strenuous paradox.
She could only guess what Draven had ordered Cassian to do. But she knew, whatever it was, she had to convince him not to.
"I have to believe Galen is telling the truth," she said, "because it he isn't, we've already lost."
Finally, he met her eyes. It was the same look he had given her when she first declared she believed Jyn. It was the same look he had given her years ago, as she clung to his jacket while Imperial bombers dropped their load overhead. She had told him she wasn't afraid, even as the bunker shook around them. It was a pitying look, patronizing. She didn't want his pity. She wanted him to believe her. The only thing keeping her from falling over the edge was the vague hope that Galen Erso wasn't lying. For her own sanity, she needed him to believe too.
She watched his face carefully. There was a brief flicker of hesitation. A glance of vulnerability and something she could only categorize as guilt. For a second she thought he was going to tell her something. But the moment passed. His old resolve took hold and Captain Andor, rebel intelligence stood before her.
"When we get to Eadu. I need you to stay with the ship," he said.
It wasn't a suggestion. It took everything in her not to scream.
"Yes, sir," she replied, tightly.
Without another word, she got up from her seat, and took a place across from the control panel. She turned her head toward the cabin, looking at the assortment of new comrades aboard.
The pilot, the guardians, the rebel, all of them believed in the message. The belied in Galen Erso. She leaned her head against the wall of the ship, closing her eyes. She knew once they reached Eadu, she would have to make a choice. And, for the first time in her life, Cassian wasn't the obvious answer.
