"This universe is almost certainly being run by a bunch of maniacs."
Minerva McGonagall, Deputy Headmistress of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, gazed unblinkingly up through slit-pupiled eyes at Professor Herr Doktor Michael Evans-Verres, who was floating helplessly above her, and said "I CAN HAZ STUDENT?"
Harry James James Morrison Morrison Weatherby George Dupree Potter Evans-Verres looked down at her and screamed. "YOU TURNED INTO A MEME! AN INTERNET MEME!"
MacGonagall laid down and LOLed in the sun. "Happens a lot in these stories," she mewed.
("An old internet meme!" said Harry.
"It's impolite to refer to a lady's age," said MacGonagall.)
"Noether fiawol!" gibbered Harry.
"Phlogiston fijagh!" retorted MacGonagall, and resumed human form.
A blur was coming over Harry's vision as his tenses began to fail. Conversion from matter to idea and back again! His faith in materialism shook like the formally nonexistent pillars of Platonia.
He summoned all his power of rationalization.
"Well," he said, "stuff happens."
"Precisely," said Deputy Headmistress Kajagoogoo. "So magic. Much awesome. Now, regarding your financial aid application..."
"Hold your thestrals," said the paterfamilias. "What about Harry's condition?"
Professor McGonagall twirled to face Michael in horror. "MPREG ALREADY?"
"It'd be only what you deserve for invoking memes," sniffed Michael, "but no. Harry has a condition for attending Hogwarts, viz, a Time Turner."
"And if I don't get it I'm going to Durmstrang School Of Dark Arts and Arse-Kicking instead," said Harry.
"You know a lot about the world of magic considering you found out about it only this morning," said Mistress Daemonical in a surly tone.
"We read fast in this house," said Harry.
"That we do," said Daddy.
"Also, squib living in the house next door," said Mummy through layers of Spellotape. "My sister may have mentioned her in passing."
Both of Harry's parents howled with laughter at that, like they thought it was all a big joke.
"Oh," said Harry's father, eyes bright, "we're talking Eurema's Dam levels of pwned."
Harry's mother and father nodded in perfect unison.
"All right, deal," sighed MacGonagall.
"Mum! Dad!" cried Harry. "A whole wizarding culture, just waiting to be took!"
