"Nature, nurture — I'm the Potter with the wand."


Despite Professor aaacGgllMno's best magical disguise-work, everyone in Diagonal Ley recognised Harry immediately.

"Well, what other 11-year-old would I be escorting?" said the Professor, slapping herself in the head. "I should have disguised myself!"

"It's that they think they know me that irritates me," said Harry. "Say, that reminds me of the thing that goes, do you know the man in the mask, and you say no, and then off comes the mask and it's the Prime Minister, and you were totally wrong because you do know the man in the mask.

"Unless maybe it's the thing where the mask comes off and it's a gorilla underneath, and the face of Patrick MacGoohan underneath that — hey, Professor, where'd you go?"

"I disguised myself as Patrick MacGoohan," said the Professor. "Now we're going to get you fitted for school robes by Madam Malkin."

One scene change later, Harry was standing on wooden stool being fitted for robes. Next to him was a boy with blond hair and a teddy bear.

"Hallo," said the blond boy languidly. "I'm Malfoy. Or I will be. Father in the way, you know."

"Have you ever seen a movie called STRANGERS ON A TRAIN?" said Harry. "I'm Potter. Or I used to be. Father failed to get out of the way, you know."

"Gosh," said Malfoy, peering at the lightning scar. "You bumped off the Dark Lord, and now you're offering to rid me of my inconvenient paterfamilias? What's in it for you?"

"I'm starting a conspiracy," said Harry. "Well, I will be shortly. And you would look damn good in green felt, I'm just saying."

"But what about the morality?" said Malfoy. "The guilt? Have you read a comic book called TALES OF THE BLACK FREIGHTER?"

"Allow me to introduce you to my little friend," said Harry, and explained the power of rationalization.

"Excellent!" breathed Malfoy.

And they both played air guitar.


"I'm Aloysius," said the teddy bear.