the breath you couldn't take - chapter 3

Seven miles from Kadic in the 13th arrondissement of Paris stood Muse, a cozy nightclub.

Yumi's hair was slicked back, tucked behind her ears. Her eyes were lined with black, her lips stained with something plum. Aelita's thigh brushed against hers as the Uber turned a corner. Odd had his arm around Aelita's shoulders, said something into her ear. Aelita's head fell back, laughter rumbling in her throat.

Four months shy of eighteen, they couldn't legally drink but since when had they been limited to the rules?

Yumi looked out of the window, watched the landscape a blur of light and dark.

She was feeling miserable tonight and Aelita had insisted that alcohol, sweat, and sleep deprivation was the cure.

" — and then Jeremie said, 'Aelita, we have an exam tomorrow, I need to sleep, you need to sleep' and I looked at him and said, 'Humans need sleep'.

Odd's arm shifted and his fingers unceremoniously slipped a errant piece of hair back into Aelita's hairpin.

"Jeremie underestimates you, Princess."

Aelita smiled up at Odd. "Maybe."

Odd's face warred between guilt, confusion, and that all too obvious wanting.

Yumi looked at Aelita, who met her gaze with a perfectly blank expression.

There was a modest line to the entrance of the club, but nothing that could offset Yumi's mood. She had been grinding her teeth all night.

Ulrich didn't have anything in common with Sissi. Did she know anything about him except how good it was to look at him? Yumi's hands fisted in anger. Fury rolled inside of her, lapped at her like the tide. She couldn't bank this feeling, no matter how hard she tried.

All she had to do was say yes. She could easily imagine it. She'd been the tallest of the group for so long, but Ulrich was already towering over her. His face was usually so tense, but when he looked at her, he looked happy, relieved. He saw something in her that she couldn't see herself.

But they both knew better. If there was one thing her parent's marriage had taught her, is that the idea of being with someone and the reality were two different things.

Aelita sauntered ahead, her skin pale and luminous against her black leather dress. These days she gravitated more to metallics and monotone shades. The bubblegum princess was fading, and Yumi hoped Jeremie noticed. Odd certainly had.

What a fucked up situation that was. Yumi shook her head. She had enough problems of her own.

Like how, unexpectedly and unbelievably, she was jealous of Elisabeth Delmas.

What were they doing right now? Were they having fun, was she making his mouth quirk up, in that sharp little smile that he wore whenever he found something amusing?

No, she had to come back to the present. You're at Muse with Aelita and Odd. You're going to have fun. You're going to drink until you can't remember why you came here.

Here she could find another warm body to occupy her mind. It was easy to commit to someone for an hour or two. Temporary was good, safe.

They found a booth and huddled in. Aelita shrugged out of her coat, silver bangles kissing the table.

"Odd, can you grab us drinks? It's too early to start rejecting guys."

Yumi smirked. "Or girls."

"Don't worry Princess, I'm here to defend your honor."

Aelita's smile was all teeth, "Honor?"

Odd laughed and disappeared into the crowd.

"William is here," Aelita said. "I saw him as we were looking for a table. I think Samantha is with him."

"Odd's ex girlfriend?"

"One and the same."

"Wonderful."

"… as for Ulrich," Aelita measured her words carefully. "I'm assuming by now you want to drive a stake through Sissi's heart. Don't you think the fact that you're so miserable means something?"

"I don't want to think, that's why we're here," Yumi bit out.

"Fair enough," Aelita quipped. Odd was already heading back with drinks in hand. "Okay, I'm ready to get drunk, how about you?"

They drank and drank until Aelita, bored of the fact that she was unforgivably sober despite her best efforts and everyone else around her was about to black out, called a ride home.

They walked Odd to his dormitory, and then Aelita insisted on following Yumi home.

"XANA is going to be pissed if it isn't the one who kills you, just saying."

"So considerate," Yumi slurred.

Aelita helped her lean the ladder against the side of the house, helped her climb up. Yumi stumbled a few times, and her head was quickly heading towards unpleasantly unfocused instead of the warm buzz that had kept her company all night.

"I'll call you tomorrow," Aelita whispered as she started to descend back down.

"Got it," Yumi shot Aelita a mock salute, turned and unceremoniously plopped on her bed.

Her body felt heavy. She thought about kicking off her shoes but couldn't bring herself to do it. For a few minutes she thought about all the things she should do but probably wouldn't.

The very tight dress Aelita had convinced her to wear had become incredibly uncomfortable. Still, Yumi didn't move. It took her a minute to realize that she was crying.

It was impossible to not suffocate under the weight of her feelings. Her self imposed loneliness, the fact that she might have to watch Ulrich date Sissi for months, maybe years. If not Sissi, some other unnamed girl. He would never look at her with such relief and longing ever again.

She wanted him so much, but he was too important to mess up, to lose.

There was a noise at her window, Yumi turned her head. Did Aelita forget something?

Ulrich's dark, tousled hair swam into her line of vision. He slowly made his way inside her room, careful not to make a sound.

"You forgot to lock your window," he admonished. He paused when he caught sight of her on the bed.

"Drunk", Yumi offered helpfully.

"I see that," Ulrich smiled and Yumi wished she could kiss him. She wondered how his hair would feel between her fingers. How good the weight of his body would feel.

Ulrich slowly slipped off her shoes. He placed them off the side. From his backpack he took out a bottle of water.

"What, no whiskey?" Yumi murmured.

"I think you had enough. Come here, sit up."

Ulrich put his arm around her shoulders and gave her the leverage she needed. It took so much for her to wrap her hand around the bottle.

Yumi smiled at Ulrich. She couldn't help herself. Obviously caught off guard, he tentatively smiled back.

"This dress is the worst," Yumi pouted. "Can you help me take it off?"

Ulrich blushed. "Uh, I don't think that's … I mean … what … "

Yumi laughed. Ulrich covered her mouth.

"Your parents are going to kills us." He hissed and her alcohol addled mind found it hilarious. She giggled.

Ulrich moved to pull his hand away, but Yumi placed her own over it, holding in in place. She pressed his hand to her lips.

"Stay with me," she whispered, her limbs heavy with sleep.

Ulrich's eyes were so soft.

"Always."