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When Castle next awoke, that freaking tube was still down his throat, but Kate was asleep in the bed next to his, her hand still resting in his hand. He eagerly drank in the sight of his wife. His chest was hurting, and he hated the tube down his throat, but he was alive, and Kate was alive, and that was all that mattered.
He had always loved to watch Kate sleep, but it was bittersweet to watch her in a medically-induced sleep. He remembered everything about getting shot in the loft, and then the out-of-body experience he and Kate had where they found each other, and then Johanna Beckett found them, seemingly without meaning to, according to what she had said.
Kate had promised her mother that she would always remember what Johanna had said to her. Castle had promised Kate that he would help her remember, and he would, because he remembered every moment, every word Johanna Beckett had spoken.
He heard a low groan, not Kate's regular, familiar waking-up groan. He hated that she had been shot again. He watched her work her way to wakefulness, and her eyes opened and focused on him immediately. Despite her physical agony, she mustered a smile for him, laced with pain as it was.
The beautiful sight that greeted Kate upon opening her eyes was Rick, watching her, his own eyes wide open. Even with the tube still down his throat...she remembered Alexis now, saying that the tube was to help him breathe because his lung had collapsed and been re-inflated...she had never seen anything more beautiful in her life.
Somehow, some way, they had made it out of this nightmare alive. Again.
Together.
Snatches of conversation with Rick came back to Kate then.
"...we are never stronger than we are when we're together."
"That's true."
"Neither one of us is going to die. We're going to grow good and old together, Kate."
"Together. That's the key, Rick. It's been the key all along. It's why we got LokSat, and why we got Coonan and Bracken and everyone that was involved in my mother's murder: because we did it together. That's what has gotten us through everything we've been through in the last eight years. We did it together...because whenever we didn't, the wheels came off the wagon pretty damn fast."
"Every time."
"So to get through this, we have to do it the same way we've gotten through everything else that's been thrown our way: together."
"We do together very well."
"We really do."
"So that settles it, then. We're not dying."
Kate shifted then, and she heard a slight crinkling of paper when she did so. She looked down to see the note Rick had written her in the overnight hours when he had awakened, after the fact that he wasn't dead finally penetrated her drug-induced fog, sticking out from beneath her injured hip. She tried not to express her pain vocally as she reached down to retrieve the note, but the hiss of air between her clenched teeth couldn't be held back. She picked up the note, smoothed it out, then set it on the rolling tray table next to her bed. When she and Castle got out of the hospital, Kate resolved, she was going to have this note laminated to preserve it forever.
Shifting gingerly, she focused her gaze on Rick once more. She could see the worried look in Rick's eyes, and the frustration at the breathing tube down his throat, preventing him from speaking. But since she couldn't get out of bed and into his arms yet (though she would start working on that immediately), this would have to do for now.
Kate struggled into a sitting position, keeping Rick's gaze all the while, and when she was sitting up, she ever so gently lifted his hand, still in hers, to her lips. She covered every inch of his hand, front and back, with kisses, then kissed each of his fingertips softly before leaning slightly forward, grimacing all the while, until she rested his palm, damp from her kisses, against her cheek. Then, catching his gaze once more, she said, her voice quavering with emotion, "I love you, Richard Castle."
Rick didn't let being unable to speak stop him from responding in kind. His arm was sore, but he didn't let that stop him, either. Slowly dragging his arm upright (and belatedly realizing it was the same side he had taken the bullet on, which was why it was sore), he pointed to his right eye.
Kate got it instantly. "You," she said. Castle knew she was translating what he really meant, so he let the fact that he meant "I" slide just this once. He drew a haphazard heart shape with his index finger over his heart next.
"Love," Kate said, her tone filled with that particular emotion.
Then he pointed at her. "Me," she said, and he could hear the tears in her voice. She pressed another kiss to the back of his hand, still clutched in hers.
At that moment, the door of the small bathroom in the corner of the room opened, and Alexis exited the bathroom into the hospital room. "You're awake!" she exclaimed, looking like she might burst into tears herself. "Oh, thank God! I have to tell everybody! I have to get the doctor! And Kate, you shouldn't be sitting up like that!"
"I'm fine, Alexis, really," Kate said.
"Humor me," Alexis replied seriously, and Kate saw something in the girl's eyes that she'd never seen before: worry for Kate.
Kate's relationship with Alexis was something that Kate had never pushed, wanting only Alexis's acceptance of her. Alexis hadn't exactly made a secret over the years of her worries and fears for her father's safety, which Kate could completely understand. She worried for Castle's safety herself for the same core reason as Alexis: she couldn't fathom her life without him, and didn't even want to try. So whatever Alexis threw her way, whether it was fear or anger at her for causing Castle's proximity to mortal danger, or the times when Alexis came to her for advice or a listening ear or help studying for a test, Kate took it, the good and the bad, because as she was learning every day, that kind of give and take was part and parcel of being a family.
"All right," Kate agreed, gingerly settling herself back against her pillows, thankful that she wasn't shot in the chest again.
Satisfied that Kate and Rick were as comfortable as it was possible for them to be, Alexis rushed to her father's bedside, giving him a careful hug and a kiss on the cheek. "Welcome back," she said. "I love you, Dad."
Kate and Rick were both surprised when Alexis broke the hug with her father to rush to Kate's bedside and do the same to her: a careful hug, followed by a kiss on the cheek, and a, "Thank God you're okay, Kate. Thank God you're both okay."
Unbidden, a memory came to Kate of over a year ago, an ordinary morning at home, everyone heading out to start their respective days, and Alexis stopping to kiss Kate's cheek on her way out the door, surprising both Kate and Castle.
"Well, you raised a great person, so-"
"You say that now. You weren't here for the beginning."
"And next time, I will be."
"Next time? Are you saying you're thinking about-?"
"Yeah. About IT. About my job. About whether we're ready, if there's ever a right time."
"There never is. But there's never a wrong time, either."
And then Kate's phone had rung; a body had dropped. She had told Rick they'd talk about it later, but bodies were always dropping, and then LokSat landed in her lap, and they didn't talk about it, let alone do anything about it.
How many chances were they going to get?
How many chances had they already missed?
And in that instant, Kate knew, with complete clarity, what she wanted to do next. Well, she silently amended, she had a lot of things she wanted to do next, but the most important one was the one that she had put off for far too long already, with references to a vague "someday," and thinking about it when she didn't have anything else more pressing consuming her thoughts.
What Kate wanted to do next was have a baby with Rick.
Not that they could get started on it right this second, but...
Her mother! She and Rick had seen her mother! She had talked to her mother! The entire conversation with Johanna came flooding back to Kate then, her mother's exhortations to have no regrets, because life isn't about regrets, to let Johanna rest in peace now that Kate had finally gotten justice for her. "This is your life, Katie. Yours and Rick's. Your future is waiting, and it can be whatever you want it to be. Just be happy. That's all I really want for you, all I've ever really wanted for you, honey: for you to be happy."
Work was work, and life was life. Life was Richard Castle. Life was her dad and Alexis and Martha, and her friendships with Lanie and Ryan and Jenny and Esposito, which would last the rest of their lives and continue to flourish, even outside the 12th Precinct.
Life was her future with Rick. Life was having a family with him, raising more great people like Alexis, their kids growing up alongside Ryan and Jenny's, and eventually, if they had kids, whether it was together or not, Lanie's and Espo's.
Life was beautiful, because Kate Beckett was alive and well...or at least, on her way to getting well...and in love with and married to Richard Castle, who was alive and on his way to getting well and in love with and married to her. She didn't even care how corny or sappy it might sound.
She looked at Rick once more, finding both him and Alexis looking at her with no small amount of concern. "Are you okay, Kate? You zoned out on us there for a minute," Alexis said.
"I'm fine," Kate promised. "We're going to be fine. Together."
Castle dipped his chin once, the closest approximation he could make to nodding his agreement to Kate's statement, since he couldn't say or motion 'together.'
"Could I talk to the two of you?" Alexis asked then, looking serious. "Everyone's going to be here soon, and-" She was interrupted when Dr. Gallison and the nurses, different ones from last night, walked in.
"Well, I heard about the excitement last night," the doctor greeted them. "That was quick thinking on your part, young lady," he addressed Alexis. "At that point, I don't think anything else would have calmed your stepmother down. I'll have to ask you to step outside for a couple of minutes while I examine your folks here, and talk to them."
Neither Kate nor Rick missed the flash of disappointment in Alexis's eyes, but she wasn't one to refuse doctor's orders. "Okay," she agreed. "I'll be right outside," she told her dad and Kate, looking from one to the other. "I'm sure Gram and your dad will be here any minute, and the others won't be far behind them." She gave them her most encouraging smile, and retreated to the corridor, where she sent a quick group text to everyone, informing them that her dad and Kate were awake and being seen by the doctor.
She was surprised when, only two minutes after leaning back against the wall, the first person to arrive was not her grandmother or Kate's father, but Javier Esposito. "How are they doing?" he asked anxiously.
"They're awake and they're doing okay," Alexis replied. "Dr. Gallison is in with them now, so he kicked me out. How did you get here so fast? Not that I mind, but Mr. Beckett just went outside about ten minutes ago to get some fresh air, so I figured he'd be here first. Gram's out getting coffee."
Javi lifted one shoulder in a half shrug. "I didn't see Beckett's dad when I got here, but maybe he went for a walk around the block. As for how I got here so fast, I was nearby when I got your text," he said. He looked at Alexis critically now. "When's the last time you slept? I mean, really slept?"
"Before," Alexis said simply. "What about you?"
"Same," he replied with a rueful half-grin. "You should really get some sleep, Alexis."
"I will, when I get the time," she replied. But Esposito could see the unspoken truth: she was afraid to sleep because she was afraid of the nightmares that would come when she closed her eyes. She obviously couldn't be alone, and he instinctively knew that she dreaded going back to the loft after what she had seen there just yesterday. Hopefully what he had hurriedly finished before his arrival at the hospital would be of some help in that regard.
Jim Beckett came rushing in then, winded from having literally sprinted back to the hospital from his walk around the block and then, too impatient to wait for the elevator, he had run up five flights of stairs to the ICU. "They're both awake?" he asked hopefully.
"Yes," Alexis said with a tired smile. "Kate's talking, and already trying to sit up. Dad wants to be talking, but they haven't taken him off the ventilator yet."
Martha arrived then, laden with coffee and pastries, having left the hospital for that very purpose. "They're both awake?" she asked eagerly. Esposito relieved Martha of her burden, including her handbag, successfully juggling the cardboard tray with three cups of coffee and the small sack of pastries balanced between two of the cups.
"Yes, and Kate's talking!" Alexis exclaimed. "Dad's motioning, since he still has that tube down his throat. But once they take it out-"
"Castle won't shut up," Esposito replied knowingly, drawing a chuckle from Martha and an exhalation that was half laugh from Alexis.
"You've got that right, Detective," Martha said. "Silence has never been Richard's strong suit. Well, not counting the times he didn't say what he was really feeling to Katherine, but that's all in the past."
The others arrived almost simultaneously then, Lanie still in her lab coat since she had been at the morgue and dropped everything on the irate Perlmutter the instant she read Alexis's text, Ryan and Jenny hand in hand, and Deputy Chief Gates, just as relieved, happy, and anxious to see Beckett and Castle awake as the rest of them. Everyone was talking at once, words tripping over one another, the same questions and exclamations of relief and thanks repeated again and again.
"They're really awake?"
"Have they started causing trouble yet?"
"Thank God!"
"They're gonna be okay, I just know it!"
"When can we see them?"
"The doctor's in with them now," Alexis said. "So it'll probably be a few more minutes."
"I should have gotten more coffee and pastries," Martha fretted.
"Don't worry about that, Mrs. R.," Ryan said. "You had no way of knowing Beckett and Castle were gonna wake up when they did and we'd all be here."
"I'll make a coffee and pastry run after we've seen them," Lanie volunteered.
"I'm not sure how much longer it will be," Alexis replied. "Dr. Gallison is checking them both over and telling them everything he told us yesterday, I'm sure. That's bound to take some time." She glanced over her shoulder at the closed door to her dad and Kate's ICU room. Then she looked at Lanie. "How much time, do you think?" she asked Lanie.
"Well, he's examining them both, I'm sure, and they're gonna want to get Castle up and moving as soon as possible, but they have to get him off the ventilator first," Lanie began. "And they'll have to wean him off the ventilator, because they have to be sure he can breathe well enough on his own before they take him completely off it. As for Kate, she's gonna need a few more days in bed before she can get up and around-"
"Like Beckett's gonna stay in bed if Castle is up and moving around?" Ryan interrupted.
"Yeah, I don't see her staying in bed much longer than Castle does," Esposito added, remembering the scene the night before when Kate, in a fog upon first awakening, had thought Castle was dead and only being kept alive by machines.
Alexis remembered it now too, and just barely managed to conceal a shudder at that memory. "You're right. Kate's not gonna want to let Dad out of her sight. If he's moving, she'll be moving."
"Switch that around a little bit," Esposito said, "and you just summed up what Ryan and I have been watching for the last eight years."
"You mean, 'If she's moving, he's moving'?" Alexis asked.
"I don't know about that," Ryan piped up. "There have been plenty of instances where Beckett went after Castle."
"And just as many where he went after her," Lanie chimed in.
"Why don't we all just agree that Richard and Katherine will go to the ends of the earth for each other?" Martha interjected. Everyone quickly agreed with Martha's assessment, having seen for themselves over the years just how true her statement was.
Meanwhile, Dr. Gallison finished examining first Kate, and then Rick, and gave them both a complete summary of their injuries and the surgeries they had undergone.
Kate, through sheer force of will keeping a quaver out of her voice, asked, "Did you have to take anything else besides my spleen?"
"No," Dr. Gallison replied. "And we only had to remove your spleen because one of the bullets was lodged in there, and the internal bleeding and damage to the organ were such that we couldn't save it."
"You're sure?" Kate asked, biting her lower lip.
Dr. Gallison was about to ask Kate what she was really asking when the light bulb went on. "I'm sure, but I'm also thinking that you want a second opinion," he said. He pulled a pen from his lab coat front pocket and grabbed the pad of paper Esposito had brought in to Castle the night before, handing it to Kate. "Why don't you write down the name of the physician you want to give this second opinion, and I'll get him or her down here later today? Would that be all right?"
"Yes," Kate said. "And it's her." She wrote the name of her OB/GYN on the pad and returned it and the pen to Dr. Gallison.
"Excellent doctor. One of the best in her field," he murmured. "I'm sure she can be here sometime this afternoon. In the meantime, you'll have to stay in bed for the next couple of days, Ms. Beckett."
Castle wondered who Kate wanted a second opinion from. Since Kate had said the doctor was a her, at least he knew it wasn't Dr. Motorcycle Boy. Maybe it was petty and small of him, but even though they were married, and he had no doubts at all about Kate's love for and fidelity to him, he really didn't want her ex-boyfriend coming around, even to offer his medical opinion. Dr. Gallison hadn't said anything about Kate's heart. But then, neither had Kate. Unless he had missed something.
Castle weakly snapped the fingers on his good hand, immediately drawing Kate's attention. Dr. Gallison's gaze followed Kate's. Castle motioned to the ventilator.
"When can Castle get rid of the breathing tube?" Kate asked.
"We'll start weaning you off of the ventilator right now, Mr. Castle," Dr. Gallison said. He stepped over and adjusted the settings on the machine. "When we're certain you can breathe well enough on your own, we'll remove the tube completely."
Castle made the same writing motion he had made the night before, but his hand was steadier now. Dr. Gallison took the pen and pad from Kate and gave them to Castle. Castle quickly scribbled something on the pad, then gave it to the doctor.
"Well, this is embarrassing," Dr. Gallison said. "As bad as the handwriting I routinely see is...as bad as my own handwriting is...I can't read this."
Kate held up a hand. "I can," she said. Dr. Gallison handed her the pad.
Rick had scribbled two words on the paper: "Kate's heart?"
Kate looked at Rick, not Dr. Gallison. "No, it's not about my heart, Rick." She looked at Dr. Gallison now. "I was shot in the chest a few years ago, in the heart. But since you didn't say anything about negative effects on my heart, I'm guessing there weren't any this time?"
"None that we've found," Dr. Gallison replied. "It was in your chart that you'd been shot before, Ms. Beckett, and I saw the scars on both your chest and your shoulder during your surgery. But there's no reason to be concerned about your heart."
Castle was more confused than ever now. If it wasn't Kate's heart she was wanting a second opinion about, then what was it?
Castle really wanted the pad and paper back. Kate didn't exactly want to have this conversation when Castle was unable to speak, but, she thought, they didn't have to have the whole conversation right now. She knew that Alexis had told everyone she and Rick were awake by now, and she was pretty sure that Alexis, her dad, and Martha had all been at the hospital since yesterday morning, and it wouldn't be much longer before they'd all come streaming in to see them, which would be a good distraction.
No, this particular conversation...the really important aspects of it, anyway...needed to wait until Rick was off the ventilator and could speak, and they were alone. She had every intention of telling her dad to go home and get some real food and real sleep, and she knew that Castle would insist that Alexis and Martha do the same. Hopefully, he'd be off the ventilator, and she would have the answers she needed, the answers she realized now that she was praying for, by tonight, and they could properly discuss it then, when they were alone. This would affect all of their family and friends waiting outside, champing at the bit to see them, to some extent, but it was really between her and Rick, and they needed to discuss it between the two of them first, before telling anyone else anything.
"Could you give these back to my husband, please?" Kate asked Dr. Gallison, handing him the pad and paper.
"Of course." The doctor handed the pad and paper back to Rick, and he scribbled more words on the paper. This time, Dr. Gallison didn't even try to read it, he just immediately handed it to Kate.
Rick had written, "If it's not your heart, then what is it?"
"My gynecologist," Kate said, looking Rick in the eyes.
And that was when Castle got it: Kate wanted her gynecologist to tell her if she could still have kids.
Wait, did that mean Kate wanted to have kids? Like, in the near future?
His eyes widened as he started silently hoping and praying the same thing Kate was hoping and praying: that her gynecologist would tell her that everything was okay internally, reproductively speaking, and she could have a baby.
Their baby.
If he wasn't already in bed, this was the point where Rick would have sat down heavily.
They had talked about having kids occasionally, but always vaguely. Kids were a "someday," abstract notion.
Or at least, they had been up until now.
Kate saw the shift in Rick, knew that he knew the answers she was seeking. His heart rate went up, as the heart monitor so helpfully pointed out with its increase and quickening of pace in beeps, and she saw his eyes widen, the hope and the questions flaring in them. "We'll talk more about it when we know more about it," she promised him. "And when you can actually talk. Hopefully tonight."
"That should work out," Dr. Gallison said, startling them both. They had honestly forgotten he was in the room for these few moments. "I'll be back to check on you later. I have a phone call to make," he held up the slip of paper Kate had given him with her OB/GYN's name on it, "and you have a tribe of family and friends waiting to see you outside."
He smiled at them both before heading out into the corridor, where he nearly collided with the anxious knot of family members and friends. Everyone started talking at once, and Dr. Gallison held his hands up for quiet. "I'm sorry, but the two-visitors-at-a-time rule still applies," he said when everyone was quiet. "I'm pleased to report that both Ms. Beckett and Mr. Castle are doing very well. We've started weaning Mr. Castle off the ventilator, and hope to have it completely removed by late this afternoon or early this evening. Ms. Beckett will need a few more days of bedrest before she can get up and around."
"Good luck with that, Doctor," Gates said. "Once Mr. Castle is up and moving, Beckett will be too." The others all spoke their agreement with the Deputy Chief.
"I'm all for positive motivation, but she shouldn't try to do too much too soon," Dr. Gallison said.
"We'll help you all we can, Dr. Gallison," Lanie said, "but believe us, we know firsthand how stubborn Kate can be, especially when it comes to Castle."
Dr. Gallison's beeper went off then. He was being paged to the ER for an emergency. "I'll check back later. Remember, two visitors at a time."
"Gram, Mr. Beckett, why don't you go first?" Alexis asked. It wasn't that she didn't want to see her dad and Kate, but she needed to go over what she wanted to say to them, especially to Kate, a bit more in her head before she saw them.
"We can keep watch again and let all three of you go in there like yesterday," Ryan offered.
"Thanks, Detective Ryan, but now that Dad and Kate are awake, we'd better stick to the rules," Alexis said.
"I don't mind waiting if you want to go in first, Alexis," Jim said.
James Beckett, so help me God, you'd better not be chickening out about Katie, he heard Johanna whisper exasperatedly.
I'm not chickening out about anything, Johanna, I promise you, Jim thought. But I won't be the one to keep Alexis from her father.
"Thanks, Mr. Beckett, but I'll wait for now," Alexis said.
"If you're sure," Jim said.
"I am," Alexis replied. "Go on in."
Martha didn't have to be told twice. Jim, taking Alexis at her word, followed Martha into the room.
