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Kate figured she probably looked really goofy, but she couldn't stop smiling. Dr. Elliott had read her medical file, done an examination, and then given Kate the excellent news that there was no reason at all that she couldn't carry a healthy baby to term.
She and Castle were going to have kids. As soon as they were able, they were going to start trying.
Well, if he still wanted to, but based on his reaction to the news that she had requested a consult with her OB/GYN, she was certain he still wanted to.
When Rick walked into the room, his chest aching, slightly winded despite the oxygen, and having decided that the deceptively perky Janine could give Gates a run for her money in the stern and unyielding departments, the sight of Kate lying in bed with the goofiest grin he had ever seen on her face in all the years he'd known her made him forget everything but her.
She wouldn't be smiling like that if her gynecologist had given her bad news.
He felt his heart start pounding again. Was Kate going to tell him that she wanted to have a baby, that they could have a baby?
A baby. With Kate Beckett. A little Beckett-Castle combination with her mother's eyes and smile and stubborn streak. Every time he pictured himself and Kate with a baby of their own, he pictured a girl, partly because he had already raised a daughter, but mostly because he wanted a mini-Kate.
A boy would be great too, of course...although Castle didn't know how to be a father to a boy. But he knew that Kate would remind him that he had been a little boy once himself, and a lot of the time, he still was a little boy.
Kate had never actually said that she wanted a mini-Castle running around. He wondered if she did, if she ever thought about a little boy with blue eyes and a wild imagination who really would, eventually, be the 9-year-old on a sugar rush that she had complained to Montgomery Castle was back at the beginning of their partnership.
Or did Kate want a little girl too, someone with whom she could have the kind of mother-daughter relationship she'd had with Johanna, only with herself in the mother role this time instead of the daughter role?
Girl or boy, Castle knew, any child he and Kate had would be amazing.
Castle grumbling as Janine helped him get settled back in his own hospital bed and reattached him to the various machines they had left behind for his first walk down the hall and introductory respiratory therapy session brought Kate out of her reverie, and she looked at her husband in concern. "Are you okay, Castle?" she asked anxiously.
"He's fine," Janine assured Kate. "We're off to an excellent start. I'll be back tomorrow, Mr. Castle."
"Looking forward to it," Castle replied with a grin Kate knew was obviously phony. It fooled Janine, though, who left with a big grin and a wave. "Not," he said on a groan.
"That bad?" Kate asked sympathetically.
Castle turned his head to face her. "Forget the Cheerleader Barbie facade. That woman makes Gates look like a pussycat. She's Attila the Hun with a respiratory therapy certification."
Kate smiled ruefully. "I know it hurts, babe, but speaking from experience, that's what you need in a physical therapist, or a respiratory therapist...a therapist of any kind, really: someone who will push you beyond what you believe your limits of endurance are so that you can get back to where you need to be."
They were both quiet for a moment, and then Castle asked, "Am I allowed to hate that you know that firsthand? Not the Dr. Burke stuff, but the physical therapy?"
"I don't like having that particular firsthand knowledge," Kate admitted, "so yeah, you can hate it. I hate that you're gonna know what it's like now too." She looked at him more intently now. "But I have some news that I'm sure will make you feel a lot better...at least, I hope it will."
"Yeah?" Castle asked eagerly, all the traces of the strain from his first walk up and down the halls and session with Janine disappearing.
"Well, while you were with Janine, I was with Dr. Elliott," Kate said.
"And?" Castle asked, lacing his fingers together in his lap.
Kate beamed at him. "She said that everything is fine, and there's no reason at all that I can't get pregnant and carry a healthy baby to term."
The look on Rick's face in that moment was one Kate would remember for the rest of their lives. Pure, unadulterated joy, excitement, hope...and just the slightest hint of a question. "So then, you're saying..." he began.
"I'm saying I want to have little Castle babies," Kate replied, still beaming, "and I don't want to wait one second longer than we have to to get started on that."
"Wait..babies, plural?" Rick asked, surprised.
Now Kate looked doubtful for the first time. "I know that Alexis is going to be the best big sister in the world," she began, "but there's going to be a pretty significant age gap between her and our kids. You and I were both only children. That has its benefits, don't get me wrong, but it can be really lonely too. I want more than one kid because I want them to be able to lean on each other. I want to raise our kids to be friends and not just siblings. Unless you don't want more than one kid." She stopped talking, uncertain now. "I mean, we never really talked about a number. When we did talk about it, it was just 'a baby.' So if you-"
"Beckett-Castle babies," Rick interrupted Kate.
"What?" she asked, confused by his interruption.
"Beckett-Castle babies," he corrected her. "We're gonna have little Beckett-Castle babies. These kids are gonna be half you, Kate, which means our kids are going to be the most incredible, most badass people in the history of the world." He smiled at her, a smile so full of love and excitement and anticipation that it filled her heart with joy.
"With wild imaginations and a healthy dose of geek from their dad," Kate replied, smiling the same smile back at him, and making his own heart fill with love and joy and excitement.
"Who's a geek, Miss Nebula 9?" Rick countered teasingly.
"That's Mrs. Nebula 9 to you," Kate retorted seriously.
"I'm just saying, Star Trek, Battlestar Galactica, Joss Whedon...they could all kick Nebula 9's ass."
"Well, we'll just let the kids decide for themselves what they like and don't like," Kate declared.
"Ooh, we can take family trips to Comic-Con! And when they're teenagers, we can totally embarrass them by going in costume!" Rick exclaimed excitedly.
Kate bit her bottom lip. "So you're okay with having more than one kid?" she asked.
Rick grew completely serious now, struggling to sit up, scooting to the edge of his bed, and reaching for Kate's hands. Holding her hands in his and looking deeply into her eyes, he spoke from his heart. "I can't think of anything more amazing than having and raising kids with you, Kate. And you're right: being an only child has benefits, but it's also really lonely. And Alexis will definitely be the most awesome big sister ever, but she'll be in her mid-20s by the time our first kid is born. And our daughter should have a little sister or brother to boss around and be protective of."
"We could have a boy first," Kate pointed out.
"Or we could end up with two or three girls," Rick replied. "My contribution is responsible for determining the gender." He grinned rakishly. "You can admit it, though. You want a ruggedly handsome mini-Castle running around, driving you as nuts as I did when we first met."
She rolled her eyes, but then she grinned back at him. "As soon as you admit that you want a mini-Beckett," she replied. "You should really talk to my dad about that. You sure you want to be dealing with a motorcycle-riding, tattoo-getting, rebel teenage girl in another 16 years, Castle?"
"Definitely," Castle said earnestly. "I figure my hair will already be all gray by then." Kate returned Castle's smirk at this, but grew serious again when he continued seriously, "But the best part is, I won't be doing it alone this time. I'll have you. And look at the last eight years, Kate: anything we team up on is an unqualified success. Parenting will have its days where it makes chasing down murderers look like a day at the beach, but no child could ever have a better mother than you. You have a boundless capacity for love and compassion, you're the ultimate Mama Bear, and if our daughter is you all over again as a teenager, I say bring on the motorcycles and shady underage tattoo artists. I survived Alexis's teenage years. I've heard the second kid is the polar opposite of the first one, but your parents were able to rein you in during your wild child phase. If they could do it, so can we."
"My parents," Kate realized. Her eyes grew wide then. "Castle, we saw my mom!" she exclaimed in a hushed voice.
"Yes, we did," he replied.
"You remember," she whispered.
"Of course I remember," he replied softly, still holding her hands. "I promised I would help you remember what she said to you, and how could I do that if I didn't remember for myself?"
"It was real," Kate said. "It wasn't like that government agent guy with the EMP devices, when Espo and Ryan were teasing us about having hickeys, remember that case?"
"I remember every case we've ever worked," Rick replied. "I wasn't lying back then. I wished they had been hickeys. But it was nice waking up with your head on my shoulder."
It had been nice waking up like that, Kate silently agreed, but right now, all she could think about was her mom. "When she died," Kate said, "one of the worst things for me was knowing that I'd never get to hear her tell me she loved me again, that I'd never get to hear her say that she was proud of me. Yesterday, I got to hear those words from her. I don't know how, but I know she said them. I heard her."
Rick looked at Kate softly, smiling at her in acknowledgment and encouragement.
Kate took a deep breath, trying to keep the tears bubbling up in her throat from welling up in her eyes and spilling over. "She also said that this is my life, Rick, our life, and that our future can be whatever we want it to be. And I know what I want it to be."
"Us raising our little Beckett-Castle babies, and still taking down the bad guys," Castle replied confidently.
Kate shocked Rick, though, when she said, "Well, actually...no."
"No?" Rick asked, confused. "But you just said-"
"Yes to the Beckett-Castle babies," Kate said firmly, certainly. "Two, or maybe three. We can figure out the number later. But no to taking down the bad guys, Rick. I'm done being a cop. I'm going to turn in my badge and leave the department as soon as I'm able to."
Now Castle looked positively gobsmacked. "You're gonna quit being a cop?" he asked, stunned.
"Yes," Kate said calmly. The last thing she wanted was to fight with her husband. "Just hear me out before you say anything, okay?" At Castle's nod, Kate went on.
"The main reason I joined the Department was to catch my mom's killer, get justice for her. And I...we did that. And we got justice for a lot of other people and their loved ones and friends along the way, and even after we got everybody involved in my mother's murder.
"But remember a little while back, when you talked about us being normal? Body drops at all hours of the day and night aren't normal, Castle, not really. And having people like Maddox and Coonan and Bracken and 3XK and Kelly Nieman and LokSat trying to kill you and your loved ones is not normal. And I know, we got all of them...but we both know there are dozens, no, hundreds more out there just like them, or maybe even worse than they were."
Castle couldn't disagree with that. He stayed silent, looking at Kate intently, encouragingly, as she continued talking.
"When I started out as a cop, I was so reckless, because deep down, I didn't really care what happened to me. My own life wasn't of much value to me, because I was utterly destroyed by the loss of my mother. And even when you came into my life and started following me around and assisting on cases, there were still times I was reckless. And my recklessness almost cost me my life more than once, and it almost cost me you, when I wouldn't listen to you, and Maddox threw me off a building. If Ryan hadn't been there to pull me up..." She shuddered at the thought of what would have inevitably happened that day, to both her and Castle, and then stopped herself almost instantly because it was just too horrible to even contemplate.
She squeezed his hand before going on. "I know that you would walk into a tornado for me, Castle. And I would do the same for you. But I'm not that reckless young woman anymore, and that's really because of you. Before you came into my life, all the color had gone out of it...all the light...all the joy and hope. I buried them with my mom. And then you came along, and before I knew it, you started tearing down that wall I built around myself...and I slowly realized that I wanted you to tear down that wall. I wanted you to grind it into dust and save me from the loneliness and the recklessness...save me from myself. And you did. You gave the color and the light and the joy and the hope I thought I'd lost forever back to me, Rick, and you have given me so much more than that. You gave me a life...a life that I once dreamed of, before I lost my mother, but that I never thought I would ever have after she died.
"And now that I, now that we, do have this life, I'm not going to do anything to risk jeopardizing it. I'm not leaving you to raise our kids alone with a folded flag and a bunch of stories and memories. And I don't want to have to raise our kids without you. I want that normal you talked about, Castle...or at least, our version of it.
"I won't quit working forever. But we have a summer of recovery ahead of us, and that's not going to be easy. And I want time with you and time with our kids. There are other ways for me to serve. The State Senate approached me once. I know I turned them down to be Captain of the 12th, but they're running Hawley in my place, since he beat Dungey in the primary, and they're both incompetent jerks. Winter is the incumbent, he's in the opposite party, and he's not any better, but there have been unconfirmed rumors lately that his own party wants him off the ticket, or at the very least, that this will be his last term, if he wins. Really, it's a no-win situation: Hawley, or Winter. Some choice there, right?
"But by the time the next election rolls around, I can be ready...if the party still wants me, and if we decide that's what right for us and our family, since I really hope there will be more of us by then.
"And if it turns out the State House isn't in my future, then something else will be. Teaching at the Academy, or at a junior college or university, or something else I haven't even thought of yet, because right now I'm just so grateful to be alive, and to still have you, and that you want us to have a family just as much as I do.
"It's time to concentrate on us, without all the distractions of the precinct. We've been going pretty much nonstop for the last eight years. Before she left earlier, Gates said we earned this, this... Well, I think she was referring to us being us, and me leaving the Department. I think she knows somehow that's what I'm going to do, but she knows this isn't the time and place to talk about it. But she's right, Castle. We have earned this. The hard way, as usual, like Gates said, but this is our time.
"Being a cop... I've loved it. Not all of it, but it was what I felt called to do, what I had to do, after my mom died, and I've done what I set out to do as a police officer and then some. And I couldn't have done even half of it without you, Rick. But it's time now to go on to something else, because you and our life, and our future kids, are much more important to me than the job could ever be."
Having said her piece, Kate bit her lip again. "That's it," she said after a long moment of silence. "That's all I had to say. What are you thinking?"
Castle looked at Beckett then. "Whatever you want to do, or not do, I'm totally on board with, Kate. We're partners, in every way. If you're happy, I'm happy. That's the deal," he said. "And while we're on the subject, I'm going to give up the PI office."
"You don't have to do that," Kate said.
"I know I don't have to. But me becoming a PI was mostly my reaction to being banned from the 12th. I've had a few cases, sure, but at heart, I'm a writer."
"And a hell of a great detective," Kate added earnestly.
"Only with you," Rick replied seriously. "It's just not the same to be working a case and not working it with you, and even Ryan and Esposito. If all those teachers who said I didn't play well with others could see me now..." He chuckled for a moment, then turned serious again. "The PI agency isn't much of a money maker. I don't have a lot of business, and I don't really have the time. I have books to write, I already own a business in The Old Haunt, which I'm definitely not giving up, and most importantly, I have a life to live with you, and our future kids to raise with you, and I'd much rather do those things than be a PI."
"How do you really feel about me giving up my badge?" Kate asked. "No more 12th Precinct, for either of us."
"We've had a lot of close calls over the years," Rick replied. "But this time...this time, Kate, it was too close. I understand your feelings and your reasoning, and I support you a thousand percent. You were right when you said we'd never be normal, but you're also right that we can have our own version of normal. And people trying to kill us is not something that's compatible with raising our kids together to adulthood."
"It's really not," Kate said. "It isn't that I feel like I have to make a choice, but my whole life was the job for so long, and you showed me there's a whole other world, a whole other life, outside the Homicide division, and that's what I want now: our life, without being locked in freezers and driving into bodies of water and people shooting us, or shooting at us, or kidnapping us or our kids." Even the thought of one of their yet-to-be born children ever being kidnapped as revenge against her and Rick made Kate's blood run cold.
"I think we've had enough of that too," Rick agreed. "When Kelly Nieman took you..." He shuddered at the memory and immediately shut down both the memory and the line of conversation. "I think we've had enough because of this last close call."
Castle focused on Kate intensely now, and she knew that he was about to bare his soul the way she had just bared hers, so she focused in on him just as intensely and gave him her undivided attention. Taking her hand in his, he played with her wedding ring as he spoke.
"When you walked out on me and we were faking being separated for Alexis and Mother and everyone at the 12th, before I knew it was just you trying to protect me and protect all of us, not having you in my life, in our home, in our bed, damned near killed me, Kate. I'm not saying that to open old wounds or make you feel guilty, that's just how it was.
"And even after we got back together but were still keeping it a secret from everyone, I hated that, because I am so proud to be your husband, and I'm so proud that you're my wife, and I want the whole world to know that. Not in a Page Six, selling books way, but in a 'Hey, I finally found the right woman, and we're gonna grow old together and raise kids together, and I'm just so incredibly happy about this that it's oozing out of me and everybody on the planet can see it every time they look at me' way." She ducked her head and smiled shyly at this, before raising her head to meet Castle's gaze, and his answering smile, once more.
"You are the first and only woman in my life that ever called me on everything. Kate, you're MY One and Done. I didn't think I'd ever find you. I didn't think I'd ever want to find you, after what I went through with first Meredith and then Gina. But I did, when I wasn't even looking, and as much as you say I've changed you, and I know I have, you have completely changed me."
Still playing with Kate's wedding ring, Rick continued. "Our very first case, the copycat murders from my books...when it was over, and Jonathan Tisdale was in custody, and I suggested we debrief each other and you said no, because you didn't want to be another one of my conquests, and I said it would have been great, that was the first time I saw you bite your bottom lip.
"And then you leaned in and said right in my ear, 'You have no idea.'
"And then you turned and walked away from me without looking back, and I just stood there in that alley, watching you walk away, and the only thing I could think was that working that case with you, being around you for those few days, I felt more alive than I had ever felt in my entire life, Kate.
"I wanted to keep being around you, I wanted to be by your side, and I wanted to watch you biting your bottom lip and walking towards me for the rest of my life. That was the moment that I finally started to grow up.
"That story Alexis told you earlier? It was all true, Kate. I knew you didn't want me then. Not that way. But more than that, I knew I wasn't worthy of you then. For us to work, I had to grow up some, and I had to be worthy of you, and I had to prove to you that I wanted you to be so much more than just one of my conquests.
"The mayor, and Nikki Heat, got me in the door with you. And no matter how much I killed your patience, you didn't outright kick me out of the precinct or make Montgomery kick me out, which was when I knew I had a fighting chance with you.
"Then, shortly after our first case, when you told me there were so many layers to the Beckett onion, how would I ever unpeel them all... Well, that's when I knew it was fate. That one comment let me know that, against your better judgment at that point, like me, you knew there was something between us waiting to be discovered and explored and cherished. Neither one of us was ready for each other back then, but we had found each other, Kate, and that was the first step.
He stopped playing with her wedding ring and laced his fingers through hers, keeping her gaze. "I never truly had a best friend, but that's what you became, and I thought that was a solid foundation for a romantic relationship, which I never did before you either: be friends first. And not just friends, but best friends. You intrigued me, and you challenged me, and you made me want to be the best version of myself because you deserve nothing less than the best of everything. You still do all of that, and I know you always will."
He rested her palm against his cheek and leaned into her touch then, covering her hand with his, his eyes not leaving hers as he continued speaking. "You will always be my inspiration, for a million reasons. But it stopped being about the books years ago. It was about you. It was about us. I kept coming back so that I could show you that I was worthy of you and your love, so that I could show you that you could trust me, and that I could be the man you needed me to be. You gave me the time I needed to tear down the wall you built around yourself after your mother's murder, and to grow up, and to be worthy of you. We both made mistakes and said and did stupid things, but I can't regret those mistakes and those stupid things because they got us here.
"Wherever we go next, that's up to us. Your mom, and you, are absolutely right: this is our life. It's our future. And we have time now to figure out where we want to go next, and time to just be.
"I will always be grateful to the NYPD for letting me be a part of these past eight years of your career, but as I recall, the same day I talked to you about us being normal, I told you that the sky's the limit for you, and it is, Kate. You can do and be anything you want, and whatever that anything is, I'll be right there beside you, backing your play, for the rest of our lives."
Castle always had the words, Kate thought. But the best part was that every word he spoke to her was the utter and absolute truth. To be so completely loved by such an amazing man was a gift that Kate Beckett would never know what she did to deserve, but a gift that she would be thankful for every single day for the rest of their lives.
As for Castle, Kate was a woman of action, and always had been. When she said something, she meant it with all of her heart, a heart that had slowly opened to him over the past eight years. But with or without the words, Kate's actions left no doubt in Richard Castle's mind or heart that Katherine Houghton Beckett loved him as fiercely, as deeply, as completely, as irretrievably as he loved her, and that she would love him that way for the rest of their lives.
Kate gently stroked the day's growth of whiskers along Castle's jawline with her fingertips. "Thank you for loving me, and for never giving up on me, on us," she whispered.
"Always," Rick replied softly. "Thank you for loving me and marrying me and making me happier than I ever thought I could be."
"Always," Kate echoed.
Then she raised her head and brushed her lips across his in a soft, sweet kiss that he returned just as softly and sweetly.
"It's time."
Johanna reluctantly tore her gaze from Katie and Rick to find Roy Montgomery standing beside her once more. "Will I ever get to come back?" she asked Roy.
"Anything is possible," he replied. "But for now, you've done what you needed to do here. We both have."
Knowing she couldn't extend her stay by even one second, Johanna sighed, then looked to her daughter and son-in-law once more. "Be happy, Katie," she whispered. "I love you, and I'm proud of you."
Then Johanna and Roy faded away, returning to the heavenly realm once more, both of them having found peace in the knowledge that Kate and Rick were at peace and on their way to the life they deserved and were always meant to have.
