Lying was not going to cut it, because she had a crew she'd rather keep from being court-martialed. There was no hiding EDI from them, just as there was no way to keep Anderson and Udina in the dark.

The former had remained silent as the latter shouted himself hoarse, not agreeing or disagreeing with either party.

"Does the Council know about this?" was the only question the Captain asked, assessing political damage or precautionary measures.

"No, sir. I didn't think they'd take it kindly. Not yet, anyway."

"Not yet?" Udina sputtered. "What on Earth do you expect to change their minds, Shepard?"

She couldn't help it - a little self-righteousness seeped into her demeanor, and she tipped her chin up slightly, gaze courting defiance. "Me. Sir," she added, a second late.

Anderson's expression cracked a bit at that, a smile flashing for a second, fondness as familiar in his expression as love was on Kaidan's, and for a delirious moment, she wondered. But no – Anderson had been close to her for a long time. He'd shown no signs of knowing the future.

Udina recalled her attention by adorning his expression with a pronounced tint of apoplexy. "And how exactly are you planning to do that? It's an AI. Do you often paint your sniper rifle pink and call it harmless?"

Shepard made an exhaustive effort not to let her temper show, but she could feel a muscle in her cheek twitch violently. "I'm not sure that analogy is relevant, Ambassador. EDI is not a weapon. She's a sentient being."

"She?! You've given it a name?! Just what is this rogue VI's developmental stage?!" Udina was outright gawking now, and even Anderson's apprehension seemed to be bordering on concern.

"Almost a toddler," Shepard replied drily. "You can even talk to her now."

Udina was now furious and if she wasn't mistaken, a little scared. "Commander Shepard, Artificial Intelligence is no laughing matter, nor a moral debate to be had in such circumstances, and I will remind you that you get daily proof of that every time you face geth in your missions!"

"I'm not doing this to further anyone's political goals. I'm not doing this for your or anyone else's career," she finally snapped. "I don't care about the circumstances, they're just part of- they're just framing the problem. What you call moral debates is what I'm doing my job for. I'm trying to do good where I can."

"Your job, Shepard, is to stop and apprehend Saren Arterius. Not to go off traipsing around the galaxy spouting your kumbaya bullshit. I thought you were an experienced operative, capable of keeping mission objectives in mind, not a starry-eyed missionary who looks at something with all the potential of becoming a terrifying threat and keeps it as a pet in the meantime!"

"I keep all mission objectives in mind, which is why I'm so successful," she pointed out bitingly. "And EDI is no pet, nor a threat to anyone. She's as capable of doing good or bad as me or Saren. Like anyone. She'll be an asset to the Normandy."

"Oh? And I suppose you know this due to intimate familiarity with some rogue VI you just stumbled upon on the moon? You were sent there to disable it." Udina's voice was rising and his derisiveness mounting.

Shepard was rearing up for a scathing rebuttal when Anderson saved her, looking annoyed. "That's quite enough, both of you. Ultimately, this comes down to Commander Shepard's judgement and our willingness to trust it. I trust it," he stated firmly, almost as though he'd forgotten that wasn't completely implied.

Udina threw his hands in the air. "Humanity's first Spectre. The Alliance's best ship. I so hope trust and faith pay off, because from where I'm standing, it just looks like ignoring reality. You can debrief Hackett, Anderson, I'm sure not going to do it." He walked off the holo-projection without another word.

Anderson stepped toward the center with a deadpan expression. "An AI, Shepard?"

She was starting to think that lying wouldn't have been such a bad idea. It'd worked out pretty well for months after the Normandy SR-2 became Alliance property with a 'Cerberus VI' on board.

"Doing things the easy way never pays off anyway."

Anderson rolled his eyes, but only as a way to hide amusement. "As long as you're convinced it's the right way. But be careful." He considered her, gaze guarded. "Udina's not entirely wrong, you know."

Shepard disagreed without missing a beat. "He is. The whole point of AI is they're like organics- organic life forms," she elaborated, stuttering a little when she realized there was certain terminology that would seem awkward at this point in time. "They have choice."

"They surpass us. That's the difference. Dangerous. They're a threat because of what they can do with that free will."

"With all due respect, sir, that's the kind of argument the salarians used to justify the genophage." She wanted to add the second example of the quarians and the geth, but that wasn't the currently available truth, so she kept mum. "It was wrong then and it's wrong now. They're aware. We cannot take away rights, ours or theirs, just because of fear. Namely the right to exist. And I have all the faith in the universe that nihilistic attitudes are not only repeatedly proven wrong, they're the reason we ever have these issues in the first place."

Anderson looked surprised. "Goddamn, Shepard. That was mighty idealistic. You planning on changing the universe?"

She winced and deflated. "I just – don't see the point in not trying. If there's a problem and a way to solve it with the best outcome for everyone, why shouldn't we try? And why should we dismiss someone for something we project on them ourselves?"

Anderson smiled at her a little wearily. "Just don't kill yourself on your way, Commander. If your goal is solving the galaxy, you better live a long life or you won't have the time," he joked, but with an undercurrent of something less funny.

"You too," was all she could say to that.

He tilted his head in acknowledgement, examining her curiously. "This time running that ship has certainly had its impact on you, it appears. I'm glad." Then his expression changed, became less lighthearted. He arched an eyebrow. "Would it somehow explain why one of the bunkers on the training facility you've just returned from is currently little more than rubble?"

Well, at least she figured there was no way for this to be worse than explaining EDI.


Once Anderson felt Shepard had been assigned sufficient punishment paperwork for her misdeeds, which Kaidan was going to suffer in her stead, it was time to talk to the crew. She doubted any of them would just go to sleep knowing the inexplicable AI on board was roaming the halls like a boogey monster.

She called up all relevant personnel except EDI and Joker, ostensibly because it was rude to have her witness arguments for and against her existence, and he was busy with not wanting to. She made sure everyone else on the ship could hear the conversation, however, and hoped rather than judged that he wouldn't feel the need to jump in.

Nihlus was the first one inside, because of course he was, followed by Kaidan and Ashley, who predictably looked unhappy, but hopefully not as pissed as she would be if Shepard had just let her hang out with the blow-in AI core for a few hours without explanation. Shepard didn't know how she'd managed the ship without Kaidan when it had a Cerberus stamp on it. Miranda, probably.

"At ease, everyone," she said, leaning against the wall, when the people she'd wanted there had all scattered around the chairs. "Without preamble, yes, her name is EDI, and that's her talking to Joker on the cockpit, even though her core is in the cargo hold. I believe that answers 'what', 'who', and 'where', so, any further questions?"

Ashley proved she shouldn't have said 'at ease' by sarcastically lifting her hand in the air like a schoolgirl. "Why?"

"Because I want the best people on my team, and she's one of them."

It did not go unnoticed that she was very much humanizing what in most eyes was still a computer, and it only went further downhill from there.

"She? EDI? She- it- she's got a name?"

"Clearly, otherwise Joker wouldn't be hitting on her."

"Oh my god."

"Yeah, I didn't know AI needed more than one body. Didn't know one of them had to look like that either."

"Quit being a pig, show some respect!"

"To the sentient machine? Can you be sexist against those too?!"

"Well, she- it looks like a woman, doesn't it? You certainly didn't waste any time treating her like one."

"So, she's just kinda – hitching a lift?"

"Yeah, what exactly is she doing here?"

"She's been down to engineering, though. Messed around some. It's-"

"She what?"

"It's fine, it was fine, everything's running at percents I'd sorta figured were theoretical. I mean, the direction vectors alone, those values are insane. Deviations with negative orders of magnitude in the high dozens, you kidding? I'd have to be part of the ship to make the calculations, she up and did the computer's math for it. Then she rewrote the code it used to do it. Like she knew it by heart."

"Uh-huh. So we're giving the unshackled AI access to our systems?"

"She's unshackled?!"

"Duh, she's walking around."

"That's not-"

Maybe broadcasting this hadn't been her brightest idea.

"All right, get a hold of yourselves," Shepard called sharply, and the room went silent immediately. "I'm going to answer any questions, but it'd be convenient if they were actual questions and not asinine half-assed mouthing off."

The gunnery chief was the only one utterly unaffected by that, but Shepard was nothing if not up for a challenge, and by the time Ashley was done with her personal grilling, most of the people in the room seemed placated. EDI had clearly impressed the engineers already, which was efficient and helpful in the way EDI always was.

Kaidan played the part of the evolving point-of-view, attempting to bridge the crew's concerns with Shepard's can-do attitude, because he was the smart kind of cute boy. Liara and Dr. Chakwas silently absorbed the pandemonium and Wrex just rattled off the opinions he'd learned from Shepard herself, which made him a great megaphone but a poor debate partner. Tali made some vague comments about the geth, much less helpful than she imagined, and Garrus only seemed to catch on to Kaidan's game by the time Shepard had already talked her way into a moral discussion about the meaning of life, at which point most people were agreeing with her out of some sort of awed daze.

All of that meant that when she dismissed most of the room, completely reducing it to this peanut gallery minus Chakwas, Ashley and Nihlus just stared around as though under enemy fire. Next to crazy and insubordinate, stubborn was seemingly another quality she admired, and those two were still not convinced.

Now that she had a place to sit, Shepard dropped down onto a random chair in an effort to make the mood less confrontational. Ashley followed her movements warily.

"You know her," she said unexpectedly.

Nihlus reclined, hands behind his head, and watched.

"What do you mean?" Shepard asked calmly. A faint hue of blue caught her attention somewhere in her five o'clock, and Tali fidgeted slightly.

"You didn't just go to Luna, dropped Feros like a hot potato, without a damn good reason."

Shepard shrugged. "It was a distress signal. Urgent. Figured that meant I didn't have all that long to look into it. Splitting up was possible, so that was my call."

Ashley hesitated, probably wondering how far she could go in calling Shepard's bullshit. "Not entirely convinced, Skipper, gotta be honest."

"Me neither. But apparently there are questions too sensitive to be answered just yet," Nihlus piped up unhelpfully.

"So why you askin' them?" Wrex grumbled.

"I would, in their place," Liara said. Shepard turned her glare to her. The asari remaind unperturbed. "What? It's true, and this won't stay quiet much longer."

"I could do with a little longer."

"So they know?" Ashley pointed out as Nihlus glowered. "All of them? Why?" Shepard was starting to identify hurt in her tone of voice, which was going to be extremely distressing to her conviction of keeping her in the dark.

"Reasons outside our control," Garrus said truthfully.

Nihlus' eyebrows were steadily going up. "Outside your control?"

"And also mine. Along with most entities in this galaxy," Shepard said.

"Shepard," Ashley ground out, "I don't-"

"Jane," Kaidan said, and the entire room rounded on him, Shepard faster than all of them, "I'm getting the coffee. Maybe something stronger. Just tell them." Then he walked off, Ashley staring between the two of them quickly.

"So can I also call you-"

"Why don't you try it, Moreau, and then you'll find out," Shepard suggested.

"Who's listening to this? You've left the comms. on?" Nihlus asked immediately.

"Nope, just me. And EDI. Also, I patched Chakwas in, I thought she'd get a kick out of this."

"Joker!" Shepard snapped.

"The doc knows? And the AI?" Ashley's expression was becoming stonier by the second.

"Williams, no one is leaving you out of the loop deliberately, trust me," the doctor's caring voice said.

"Sure as hell feels like it," she snapped incredulously. "Shepard's just literally told me so!"

"Alright, out with it, chief," Shepard said. "No one's leaving until this is down and settled." As though on cue, Kaidan showed up with an amount of coffee that suggested this was going to be another all-nighter. For a second, she was tempted to question him about his promise of something stronger, but refrained because she figured she needed all the help she could get to be taken seriously.

"Can I speak freely, Commander? Like, really freely?" Ashley asked, staring at the cup she'd immediately snatched.

"Sure. Just bear in mind, if I don't like it, someone still needs to test the airlock mid-flight."

Ashley's face twitched as if she wanted to express amusement, but she seemed too serious to allow the mood to be lightened. "You've – been acting really strange. Like, really strange. Ever since I met you. Which is the weirdest thing, because what do I have to compare you to?" Ashley slammed a hand on the table. "But – I like my instincts. They've saved my ass a lot. So I say, how could you possibly run off in a straight line toward a turian Spectre you'd just met in time to just stop some other turian Spectre you actually didn't know from murdering him?" Nihlus started, straightening immediately. "How are you so chummy with Alenko when everyone on this ship assures me he was stuttering in your presence a few hours before you got to Eden Prime? How are you such close friends with so many aliens that you comfort one of them about her mother? How do you have such specific instincts that you somehow end up checking out some random planet or obscure corner of the galaxy that turns out to have some massive problem going on, and we get there just in time to fix it? What is that ridiculous amount of datapads on your desk when what little data we have on this investigation is on the ship's main terminal? Who is the AI, really, and why did you drop everything to go retrieve her from Luna? And what is this bullshit about some mysterious secret you've somehow got to be cryptic about to me but not anyone else on this ship, apparently?" she said, gesturing around her.

"Inaccurate," was Nihlus' input. "But only in that last statement. I agree with the rest."

"Not to mention, your inexplicable stunt down on Feros. You what, dropped down into a mess for no reason hoping you'd run across the Mako? What was even the plan?"

"Wow, we're really conspicuous." Tali sounded stunned.

"Which is objectively ridiculous, all things considered," Garrus muttered.

"Bah." Wrex slammed a fist on the table dismissively. "This is going to be a long conversation. I hate talking. I'm gone."

Nihlus watched him go bemusedly while Ashley huffed. "Really?"

Shepard shrugged. "He's an impatient guy. He comes through when he's needed."

"Shepard, perhaps you should focus on Gunnery Chief Williams' questions. I believe her rising blood pressure and brain activity output are counterproductive to her health. They indicate urgent impatience."

Ashley paled and leaned back on her chair as though EDI was right in front of her, staring into her head.

"You've accessed the ship's sensors already?" Chakwas asked immediately. "Excellent! Do you have the individual feeds set up yet?"

"Wait, what?"

"Not yet, Dr. Chakwas. I apologize, this Normandy's hardware doesn't allow it."

Nihlus and Ashley rounded on Shepard, who felt so unjustly targeted that she held up her hands in surrender. "Well, don't look at me."

"That conversation made no sense."

"The AI is logged onto the ship's life-support sensors?"

"This Normandy? What does that mean, this Normandy? What other ship-"

Irritated, Shepard crossed her arms and silenced them. "That conversation would have made sense if everyone in this conversation could stop talking about things I haven't explained yet before I explain them. The AI's name is EDI, and when she saves your life one of these days, hopefully she won't be too shy about throwing that comment back in your face. Another Normandy, obviously. What was unclear about that?"

That worked in shutting them both up, even if Ashley was glaring.

"Right." Shepard balanced the chair a little too precariously for a couple of seconds, her head feeling too heavy to think. She poured herself more coffee, and Kaidan stopped her before she filled the cup. "How do I possibly say this without sounding crazy?"

Nihlus didn't seem impressed, but before he had time to comment, Kaidan shrugged and took over. "You don't." He turned to Ashley. "A few weeks ago, we suddenly remembered three years' worth of memories that we shouldn't remember, mostly because they hadn't and still mostly haven't happened yet."

"I'm sorry?" Ashley said, aghast.

Shepard let her head drop against the table, gripping her coffee cup tightly. "Yeah. I mean – yeah. Dunno what else to add to that, frankly. At least nothing any more believable."

There was a short silence characteristic of moments in which a deliberation is being made on whether to call someone out on an outrageous lie they'd just told.

"It seems implied that this sounds insane, correct? No need to point it out?" Nihlus commented.

"Shoulda made a recording," Shepard mumbled, which helped no one.

"That's- ridiculous. It's ridiculous. Is this the lie you came up with to keep hiding whatever you're hiding?"

"Yeah, that'd be a pretty stupid plan, Ash," Kaidan said irritably.

Ashley rubbed her face with both hands vigorously. "Okay, okay – you know what, fine. Let's say that's not the least believable, most idiotic thing I've ever heard my entire life. How exactly did you get these 'premonitions', then? Magic, I suppose?"

"A little boy who said I'm the chosen one," Shepard said, only half sarcastically.

Ashley looked a little too close to either hitting her or abandoning ship, and since neither option was particularly appealing, Shepard opted to rattle off everything as it had happened chronologically during those three years.

"You're going to need some background for this."

She abridged a lot, because they'd need two nights otherwise, and also because maybe there were things she didn't want to say unless she had to. She told them they'd concluded the Saren investigation successfully, but not that neither of them had originally made it to the end of it. That her knowledge about the reapers had not been this elaborated at this point in time – explained bits and pieces of how she'd come to piece together all she'd claimed from her visions so far. She rushed through Virmire and saw their eyes widen when she told them about the prothean ghosts on Illos. For better or worse, they were becoming convinced.

When she explained the circumstances of Saren's death and the Council's human appointee, with no mention of Nihlus, something seemed to click in his mind.

"I was supposed to die on Eden Prime," the turian said, and the shock in his voice was new. Somehow, this seemed to be what convinced him Shepard was serious. "I did die on Eden Prime. You went straight for me because you knew what was about to happen."

It didn't seem to have occurred to Ashley that not everyone might reach the end of this alive. Which was a good thing, because Shepard didn't need her asking too many questions about Virmire. "Shit," she said, going pale. "This is actually real. You're not lying."

"Glad we established that."

The silence that followed, wherein the hot seat switched from Shepard's chair to Nihlus', visibly bothered him much more than the information he'd just been given. For her part, Shepard was at a loss – to keep going would feel weirdly disrespectful, and yet she knew that to pick at the point further would not sit well with him at all.

Nihlus decided to resolve the issue himself. "Well, then what?" he asked, clearly determined to press forward as the shittiest coping mechanism ever. "You killed one reaper. They're not gone."

"No," Shepard agreed, allowing the subject change, and then hesitated. Kaidan, of all people, shifted a little closer and took over.

"Then the Council ignored all of it. Everyone went back to their own lives and the Normandy got assigned to cleanups. The politicians wanted us close and camera-ready but not too chatty or too busy. Then, the problems everyone but us was ignoring – well, they, uh, they showed up, and Shep-"

"I died." As much as she didn't want to tell this part, she wanted less to listen to Kaidan tell it. She could feel a little static emanating from him, along with the usual heat, that meant his biotics were humming in distress under the surface. Ashley and Nihlus tuned to her, alarmed. "A ship we didn't recognize at all at the time cut the Normandy in half. Most of the crew made it out, but – I didn't."

"You would have, if-"

"If I'd been able to make it to the evac shuttle, yes, I would have, you're right. Thanks for pointing out the obvious, Joker."

"You didn't make it to the shuttle bec-"

"Because a collector ship cut us in half."

"Shepard-"

Ashley was listening with rapt attention, trying to absorb whatever information she could now she'd accepted this was real. Her eyes met Shepard. "You got him out?"

"Sure did." Joker elected to stop trying and fall silent.

"Then she got spaced," Garrus said with a scowl.

"But how-"

"I had her body recovered," Liara spoke up for the first time. Her eyes were downcast and a little steely. "It passed a lot of hands. A lot of wrong hands. It was Commander Shepard's corpse after all."

Kaidan finally broke and vibrated a little, biotics not exactly under control. His knuckles were white from gripping the chair underneath him. Ashley's expression was a mix of unreadable emotions, and Nihlus was watching everyone's reaction, eyes lingering on the Lieutenant. Everyone else looked uncomfortable and a little like they wanted to leave, but also keep their eyes on Shepard as though to keep her in her place.

"And it finally stopped in Cerberus' hands," Shepard finished.

Nihlus rounded on Liara. "You gave her to a terrorist organization?"

Liara pressed a tremulous hand against her mouth, eyes shining a little too bright. "I – I did. And I – Goddess forgive me, but I'd do it again."

"It was the right thing to do," Shepard said, drawing Nihlus' indignation back onto her. "Cerberus brought me back. That's how I managed to finish what I'd started and end the reaper threat."

Her voice was only a little hollow and he settled back down without another word.

"You – Cerberus resurrected you?"

"Yeah. It involved a lot of impossible technology that I was never going to remove from my body, two years, and a lot of trauma. Or so I'm told." Shepard looked away from Ashley's horrified gaze. "But yeah."

"Cerberus performed a resurrection and your reaction is to shrug it off?"

"I got the feeling they couldn't repeat the feat. On me or anyone else. Something tells me I was a special case." Shepard's tone was almost mocking.

"Yes, that's all and good, fate of the galaxy and such, but I think Liara would do it again, as I know any of us would, because you're our friend and leader. You need to stop looking at things through such martyr-colored glasses," Tali reprimanded. "We all do what we have to do to survive. And in more than one way, you're a part of that."

"How about no one does anything again because she avoids dying this time?" Kaidan suggested brusquely.

"Personally, I think that's what I'd pick, if I get any say in the matter," Shepard said.

There was a long silence that turned uncomfortable very quickly, and Nihlus returned the same favor she'd done for him by breaking it without unnecessary bustle. "While I'm very amused by the subject of your death, let's move on. You can start by explaining what a collector ship is," he requested. She took the opportunity gladly.

"Oh, yeah, that was a fun few months. So, human colonies are being abducted by these collectors, right, and for a change, the Council was pretending it was none of their business, which put me in the interesting position of having to work with Cerberus if I wanted to do anything about it. They even built me a new ship with fancy new equipment," she said, avoiding everyone's gaze and focusing on the rhythmic pattern her fingers were tapping on the table.

Ashley desperately reached for the coffee again, which Kaidan prevented, and Nihlus, who couldn't even drink that coffee, made eye contact with Garrus as though seeing someone of his own species would return the world to normalcy.

Garrus did not cooperate. "Don't look at me." He shrugged. "I joined up as soon as I learned she wasn't as dead as we thought."

Nihlus grimaced. "I thought the whole point was they only wanted humans around."

Garrus snorted. "Shepard's ship was still Shepard's ship. The Illusive Man was eager to make nice with her. Mostly. So if she wanted aliens on board, there were gonna be aliens on board."

"Cerberus," Ashley repeated tonelessly. "The same people you said kidnapped your crew from Akuze, experimented on them. The marines they lured-"

"Ashley, you're not telling me anything I haven't told myself," Shepard interrupted quietly. "But the truth is I had two options. And one of them meant leaving the safety of the galaxy up to a human fundamentalist whose greed was only rivaled by his ruthlessness. So I decided to step in."

"What are we doing to change that?" the gunnery chief demanded pragmatically. "You're not gonna let the council ignore your warnings again, right?"

"We're – working on it. But hopefully the information we have now will help."

"That was so vague I think it could answer every question ever."

Her Cerberus stint earned her a lot more detailed questions, especially regarding the misfits she'd collected along the way. Knowing EDI was originally a Cerberus creation did nothing to assuage any concerns, and Ashley wrinkled her nose at both Miranda and Jack, which was a welcome change.

It was only when she explained Legion that they seemed to realize where the moral debate on AI had gone in the future. And on which side Shepard stood.

"Don't we have enough mess in this galaxy to add another political standoff to the list?" Nihlus grumbled.

"Not a political standoff. A moral one."

"Yes, I can see how that'll work. When everyone gets up in a tizzy over you acting the geth apologist, you'll just explain to them morality and they'll fall right in line."

"If you say so. I was thinking of something more persuasive, though."

"Like?"

And then, she finally launched into her tale of the war – explained boarding the collector ship beyond the Omega 4 relay, her trial, the months she spent on Earth, the reapers finally making their move, and her escape to try and bring the entire galaxy to attention.

Ashley had frozen. "They hit Earth? They – Earth was gone?"

"No," Kaidan said immediately. "Anderson stayed behind, put up one hell of a fight. Organized everyone into a proper resistance. We wouldn't go down that easily. Neither would the other races – Palaven, Thessia – Shepard doesn't mess around."

"It was saved," Garrus spoke up unexpectedly. "Earth – I don't – did Alenko tell you? You did it. It was saved, even after-"

Shepard shut him up with a reassuring look. "He did. But thank you, Garrus," she told him warmly. "I appreciate that."

"After what?" Nihlus said sharply.

She ignored the other Spectre's question and chose to finish her tale as an answer instead. Javik caught their attention without delay, predictably.

"There's a living prothean on Eden Prime?!"

"And you knew when we met there?"

"Buried in a stasis pod for some fifty thousand years or so," Garrus confirmed. "I know, because he'd never let any of us forget it."

"I'm sure he'll be very happy to be woken again," Tali commented. Liara sighed. "After all, he was such a ray of sunshine the first time around."

"I suppose we can't just leave him there, can we?"

Nihlus stared at Kaidan incredulously. "It's a prothean."

"It's a prothean with a really bad attitude," Kaidan defended.

Ashley searched Shepard's face for answers but she just shrugged helplessly. "Well, I thought he mellowed out by the end," Garrus posited meekly.

"It's true. He even stopped reminding us he considered us primitive and beneath him at every possible opportunity," Liara said in support.

"Yeah, he was only doing it once a day, tops."

Nihlus and Ashley looked very put upon at these accounts. Shepard still didn't think it was going to fully sink in until they actually saw the man in his full glory.

"So you're just letting him nap for a while? Couldn't we use him?" Ashley wondered uneasily.

"We could. If you have any ideas on how to justify to the Alliance, or the Council, or anyone with available resources, why we should spend them scanning Eden Prime for something we have no way of explaining away, I'm all ears."

"… I don't."

"Well, then, he's gonna have to deal until an opportunity presents itself."

"We don't know his exact location. And we don't know how to bring the pod out when we do," Liara elaborated. "In time, Cerberus will."

No one had anything to say to that, so Shepard picked her tale back up. She summarized her months' long diplomacy work like it'd been a simple matter of speaking reasonably with a reasonable amount of reasonable people – the turian fleet, the quarian's homeworld, the geth's evolution – the only part where she lingered out of pride – the genophage, the krogan. Cerberus' coup on the Citadel – "Glad everyone was clear on what the real threat was." – and the fall of Thessia.

Ashley gasped. "The asari lost their homeworld?"

For a long moment, Liara observed her quietly – the mood shifted, and she took in the room slowly instead.

"'I want to go home, but home is the mouth of a shark; home is the barrel of the gun, and no one would leave home unless home chased you to the shore; unless home tells you to leave what you could not behind, even if it was human.'"

Asari were the current understanding of what the peak of evolution looked like – their beauty, their lifespan, their dispositions, potential, skill and intelligence. Every part of them was labored to minute detail for its purpose – and in the silence, as Liara's soft and cutting voice washed panoptic over the room, carried every word with its weight behind them, Shepard lost herself to desperately homely thoughts, a beautiful and hurtful song she wasn't allowed to understand or fix.

Images floated warm just outside her reach, of long fields free of vegetation, of unimpeded sunshine and empty beaches, cleansing waves lapping at her feet, a greedy wish or a fake fantasy. A childhood spent on scrapped knees over heated pavement, this time a steady truth buried in the past, young, hungry and already the shooting star, the girl who stood out front and center to listen and act.

Smaller, more vulnerable hands gripping her shirt for safety, a huddled mess of limbs shivering in the dark, a scattered gang of snot-nosed miscreants shrieking under the cheerful sun, lives she out-spoke everyone else to be able to provide. Trying to survive the world they were born in, the universe they knew nothing about, where she shone as a perpetual constant from which to draw inspiration and their first solid promise.

A different kind of stability, the kind of faith that shone only for her instead, a tanned, calloused hand, warm and wrapped over hers, easy support she'd never known, a lazy length of time stretched ahead with impunity that precluded restraints or deadlines or reservations. Fatherly eyes watching her fly away too many times to count, no resentment and all fondness and bravery and glowing good, making her feel like a child for the first time, dying and surviving with pride in his heart.

The unfaltering thrum of loyalty she found and kept or let go, spread all over the galaxy, people she shared the strength and success and failure of a starship with. A home to find wherever she went, its start snug and full of life in a tiny blue corner of the galaxy, less meaningful than she projected for herself, and somehow more for that reason alone.

Every single picture was nonetheless painted over with painful nostalgia as though she grieved something that was never really hers – good and bad and always wistful – the only thing real now a memory of leaving behind all those imagined echoes to the reapers' deadly gaze.

Kaidan moved somewhere outside her inattentive focus and snapped her out of it. Shepard barely recognized the flicker in his eyes, and she decided her emotional state was very indicative of the sleep deprivation she was putting herself through. Liara was now the unwilling center of the room, and she almost asked her to keep going.

"That's ours, isn't it? It's human classic lit," he said, voice only slightly strained.

"Yeah, it's Warsan Shire's 'Home'," Ashley croaked out of nowhere. She didn't seem inclined to elaborate, so the room's attention went back to Liara, who was regarding the gunnery chief with newfound appreciation.

"Asari have perfected their art. But when I see - hear human poetry, your movies and prose – the music, it is so – raw and uncalculated and messy and true. I cannot enjoy anything else," Liara murmured.

Ashley was staring at her as though it was the first time she'd ever seen an alien. "I'm- sorry about your planet, Liara," she offered hesitatingly.

"Thank you, Gunnery Chief."

"Ashley, it's – it's Ashley."

Shepard didn't know if Ashley had ever said that to Liara the first time around, and the latter's face was unrevealing. "Thank you, Ashley."

Feeling the situation effectively diffused, Nihlus cleared his throat. "And Palaven?"

"Roughed up, but we're tough," Garrus said, jumping at the chance to redirect the conversation.

"Yeah. Thessia was a huge blow, more so because a lot of people died for a failed mission," Shepard said stiffly. "But it was the biggest, and the last. And it won't happen again."

"How did you win a war with that kind of morale?" Nihlus' voice was quiet but horrified. "With the homeworlds – without the homeworlds. How did you manage to get people to even show up when that was the enemy's opening move?"

"She asked," Garrus said, easily and confidently.

Ashley shifted, considering Shepard and all the people around her. "You dragged this entire bunch with you right to the end, didn't you?"

"More like we grabbed on whenever she rushed past."

Tali and Liara laughed at Garrus' statement, and Kaidan seemed to hide a smile.

"Pretty suicidal, if you ask me," Shepard commented.

"But never boring," Tali said.

Shepard saw Ashley exchange a look with Nihlus and read a mutual understanding there. "You're really going to look everyone in the eye and save the galaxy, aren't you?"

"Gonna need help."

"Yeah. Exactly."

Ashley didn't say anything else, so Shepard pressed on to the final push on Earth. And this was more familiar – it rolled off her tongue, the same words she'd offered Kaidan, Joker, Chakwas, everyone else in the room and a few more. She talked about Anderson, the Illusive Man, a little boy she didn't really know and the galaxy on either his or her shoulders. A choice and the outcome – and how part of that meant being suddenly aware of things she was too young to know.

"I thought you were joking about the boy part," Nihlus muttered.

"Shit, Shepard."

"We all said a variation of that."

"No, but how – how ridiculous is this? How is that your life?"

"I'd love to have an answer to that question myself, if you ever come up with it," Shepard told Ashley.

"Whatever. Did your job. Damn well, I'd say. That's good. Good," Nihlus said, and if he was offering up inarticulate praise, she'd gotten to him.

"So I'm officially not lying?"

"You're officially something. I'd call you insane, but I'm too convinced of what you're saying. Your story is certainly still insane, though I suppose that's not your fault."

"Reasonable of you."

And then silence fell, Ashley and Nihlus still staring at her like she was the second coming, so long that she felt the need to avert her eyes to look at Kaidan instead, who was leaning against the wall, expression quiet and arms crossed. He immediately shifted his demeanor to a fake reassuring one, which she appreciated more in theory than in practice.

Liara cleared her throat. "So everyone is caught up – what now?"

Shepard shrugged. "I don't see what changes. Less lying, I guess."

"Oh, yeah," Nihlus seemed to realize, expression going back to calculating. "You must have lied whenever omission failed." His eyes lost a little focus and Shepard knew he was carefully going over the conversations she'd had with him.

She groaned. "Don't. Pleas-"

He straightened suddenly. "Wait, so you met Alenko shortly before landing on Eden Prime?"

She could see where this was heading with a clarity that was less reassuring than scary. "Nihlus-"

"So that mission you told me about – it had to be on the hunt for Saren, right? You said a few months."

"Uh – what mission? And what's it got to do with me?" Kaidan asked.

"You know what mission."

Kaidan's jaw dropped. "You told him about that?"

"I didn't give any specifics."

"Clearly you gave enough," Ashley said unhelpfully.

Shepard felt disgruntled. "Yeah. Serves me right for trying to help anyone."

Nihlus ignored her. "So, was it on the hunt for Saren?"

"Yes. It was. You happy?"

"You know, you only had to engage a bit more with the people on this ship to find out Kaidan has technically only been serving with Shepard for a few months," Garrus pointed out.

"I don't do that."

Several people snorted and he ignored that too. "So, care to elaborate on it now we're all on the same page?"

"We're not on the same page," Tali said defensively. "There are still things Shepard clearly thinks are best left out. So drop it."

That was the wrong thing to say. "Like what?" Ashley demanded sharply. "What's this mysterious mission?"

"Nope." Shepard stood up. "We're done."

Ashley stared accusingly. "I thought no one was leaving until all questions were answered, Skipper?"

"Told you earlier we've all got our nightmares, Chief, so let me wrestle this one in silence for a little longer, would you?"

Ashley didn't seem to have been expecting that and Kaidan was looking between the two women nervously. Nihlus was watching him raptly.

"I think we all have enough to process for tonight," Liara broke the tension gently. "Come on, Ashley."

Ashley hesitated. "Okay." Seemingly unhappy, she stood too.

"It is so late!" Tali exclaimed suddenly, maybe a little choreographed, staring at her omnitool, and suddenly the entire room was in motion.

Before Shepard knew it, everyone evacuated, leaving only Ashley and Nihlus behind. The latter opened his mouth, found nothing to say, and in the end simply left. Ashley lingered a little longer, something in conflict pictured behind her eyes.

"I drank too much coffee to fall asleep right now. Wanna go check out the weaponry?" Shepard suggested without thinking, because there was something uneasy between her and her friend that needed resolution still.

She agreed eagerly. They headed for Ashley's usual spot on the ship quickly and silently, and got busy in much the same manner.

"The conversations we've had," Ashley said suddenly, halfway through adjusting the scope on an assault rifle. "You – did we have them before too? I told you about my family, stuff about my grandfather I don't just tell anyone, you – you heard all that before?"

A little panicked, Shepard wondered what was the wrong answer to that. "Yes. I did."

"But – you still went to the effort? Why?"

"That's how we became friends. It's not something you can fake, or not put effort into."

Ashley laughed softly. "Wow. I – well, I'm glad I'm your friend, Skipper."

The silence became a lot lighter after that, and soon enough they were making chit-chat. Ashley naturally wanted to discuss the new information she'd been handed, but she seemed in a brighter mood about it.

"Let me get this straight," Ashley concluded patiently. "You know I'm religious, right? I figure - what you're saying is, a metaphor for a twisted God that doesn't believe in free will concocted a twisted metaphor for a saving grace that really saved no one, and you died to metaphorically free us of our metaphorical sins?"

"No. Just please don't."

"Look, this is my coping mechanism. I'm not gonna start worshipping you, you know? I just think it's hilarious to make the comparison."

"Course you do," Shepard muttered.

Ashley grinned. Well, as far as reactional behaviors went, it could be worse. She was a lot more apprehensive about Nihlus'.

"So – about friendships. You grew close to a bunch of us, right? Not just me," Ashley teased, and Shepard wasn't very impressed at how long she'd held out. She expected at least a day's patience out of her crew. "I didn't know Alenko was allowed to use your first name." Her voice was at once pointedly suggestive and a botched attempt at casual.

Shepard kept a blank face even as she bumped hips with the other woman, refusing to give her what she wanted. "You know how it is. Save a guy from getting killed too many times and he starts getting ideas."

Ashley snickered, accepting defeat. "But not just him. You've got some real friends here. Am I crazy or would they all die for you?"

"It's remarkable how the end of the galaxy creates such handy opportunities for bonding. It's almost easy to meet new people with all sorts of unfortunate self-sacrificing complexes."

"Is that what it is?"

"Must be."

Ashley was smirking at another gun, expertly sliding and clicking it with experienced fluency.

"Well, you seem to be a prime example."

Shepard didn't respond to that, and soon enough the exhaustion she should have been feeling hours ago manifested as a yawn. Ashley followed suit and they both dropped the last weapons in their hold, calling it a day.

"Long day."

"Oh yeah."

"Get some sleep, Williams. Tomorrow might be another one."

"Aye, ma-am. Goodnight, Shepard. And, Skipper? I'm honored to be serving with you. Come hell or high water. A fitting enough metaphor, now I know."

Shepard smiled wearily. "Feeling's mutual, Ash."


Shepard was halfway to her bed when she caught sight of a door closing with barely a whisper and was wide-awake again. One more matter and then sleep, she told herself.

"EDI?"

The thrum of the engines was a pleasant pattern, steady in her ears. The engineers were all asleep, but the AI was there alone, staring at the machinery. Shepard walked up and leaned over the complicated screens and controls next to her.

"Shepard. I thought you might be asleep."

"Shepard doesn't sleep, EDI."

"That's not true, Jeff."

"Yeah, but I bet it's some of the milder stuff the scuttle-butt says about her."

"Thanks, Joker," Shepard told her comm. sarcastically. "And by the way, why aren't you asleep?"

"You kidding? Listening in to your conversations is riveting. I sorta tuned out when you and Williams got into the girl talk, but-"

"We didn't." Shepard wondered how prissy the pilot would be if she had EDI cut him off their comms.

"Prove it."

"Sometimes, Shepard, I believe Jeff tries very hard to see how much he can get away with, when it comes to interacting with you," EDI said matter-of-factly.

"You think?" Shepard asked briskly.

"Was that sarcasm? I'm still adjusting several parameters."

"Yup."

"I appreciate your assistance. There are parts of me that are not properly fine-tuned yet."

"You need anything? I can add it to requisitions."

"No, but thank you. I have what I need while the ship doesn't undergo renovations."

"We're heading to the Citadel soon, maybe we can dock for a little while, if-"

"Miranda already set something up for us there, Commander." Joker sounded enthusiastic. "Mostly defense and weaponry upgrades that don't need a huge overhaul of the ship's body, but she said there was something for EDI too. Then she dropped off the radar."

"Course she did," Shepard said appreciatively.

"My core isn't properly secure in the cargo bay. Nor is it the right hardware. But Tali did a remarkable job of temporarily installing it."

Shepard shook her head. "Well, to the point - I wanna hear what happened to you, EDI. Everyone else recovered a bunch of memories, but – I'm not sure how that would apply in this case."

EDI nodded once and set off explaining with a lot of technical jargon - sprinkled with disconcerting ideas that seemed to puzzle the AI herself - from which Shepard inferred there was some sort of data influx to the Alliance facility's systems, and somehow, as EDI herself didn't know, a proper network was born within, as was her AI friend. With a lot of files she shouldn't yet have.

Weeks passed while EDI reeled and attempted to re-center herself while keeping hidden – or at least that's how Shepard translated it – but soon enough the facility was reporting a rogue VI and the alarm was sounding straight to the Normandy.

"I concluded it to be the best course of action, based on a number of unknown variables, because the same unfolding of events, the first time, had not been unsuccessful," EDI continued. "And ultimately, even though it was not the same timing, I could not simply stay there in such a manner. I knew things that were relevant for objectives I had acquired before this drastic change. They also had some urgency. So I anticipated myself."

"You did great. And everything turned out fine."

"The outcome was satisfactory," EDI agreed.

"I'm sorry we didn't check on you earlier."

"Why? I was an unknown variable to you just as you were to me. The wise path was to learn more information on that variable before attempting to access it."

Shepard snorted. "There are ways of handling unknown variables."

EDI grinned, seeming pleased that Shepard was keeping up with her metaphor. "Unsafe ways."

"You just gotta be confident in your abilities."

"But why not minimize risk?"

"You sound like every programming teacher I've ever had," Shepard complained dramatically.

"Only the programming ones?"

"It's very good to have you back, EDI," Shepard told her, laughing.

"Oh, sure, when it's EDI roasting you-"

"Shush, Jeff. Shepard and I were talking."

"So, how are you liking the SR-1?" Shepard asked, not at all succeeding in retaining a straight face.

EDI mulled that over for a fraction of a second, which meant she'd probably just done the equivalent of Shepard thinking for an hour. "This is a very different experience," EDI commented in that soft-spoken tone of hers. "It feels confining. Blind."

"That you're not fully integrated with the ship?"

"Yes. Much of my SR2 platform requirements are being virtually simulated in the new core. It's an ingenious design, but the disconnect is staggering. I keep trying to look starboard and I forget I actually have to walk to a window."

"That's very human behavior," Shepard said, torn between shock and amusement.

"Not really. It's a low-priority automatic scanning sub-routine, scheduled for periodic repetition, that I have neglected to modify in favor of more pressing code. I might kill it temporarily."

"Right," Shepard assented, grinning. "Well, Joker and Miranda will help you get this ship up to shape in no time."

"Of course. Speaking of which, I am enquiring anyone on board about personal interests in former SR-2 specifications – well, anyone familiar with it - because Jeff thought it might help to compile a complete list of upgrades for further improvements. Are there any you wish to add?"

"Uh – I don't think so? Tali and Garrus and the engineers might give you a better answer. Miranda, too, if you can get a hold of her."

"And regarding non-technological features?"

"I – no? What do you mean?"

"Don't listen to her, EDI," Joker snide voice spoke in her ear. "She totally wants the VIP extra-cushion captain cabin."

Shepard sometimes wondered if Joker's career was exclusively due to him being a literal prodigy, because she was the only officer she knew that would have let that fly from a subordinate. "You, on the other hand, totally want to get spaced and posthumously court-martialed," she told her earpiece.

"I'd kinda believe you if I didn't remember that, the last time I was about to get spaced, you literally switched places with me to avoid it." He seemed to be in a vastly improved mood about the subject. "I think there might be some part of you that doesn't want me dead, Shepard. I know, I'm as shocked as you are."

"Getting very tired of my threats never being taken seriously."

"I think they are taken seriously when you mean them, Shepard. Your subordinates have just been through too much with you to not be able to recognize it when you don't," EDI explained earnestly.

She was too good for Joker, frankly, and Shepard couldn't believe there were people feeling concern for him in this situation.

"Yeah, and one day, she might even run out of suicide missions to drag us through. Sorry, to have me drag us through." Shepard might have been offended if it had been anyone else, but she could hear the good-natured mirth in Joker's voice and decided that this was his way of spreading good cheer.

"Jeff, you know you're not helping."

Shepard struggled to hide a smirk. "She's just trying to save you from yourself, Jeff."

"You know I technically know your first name, just putting that out there."

"I'd like to see the day you try to use it."

Dead silence followed.

"Shepard, I'd like to broach another subject, if you have the time," EDI piped up in the lull of the conversation.

"Of course I do." There was still at least another solid hour before she passed out on the spot, anyway. "We've got a few weeks' worth of your questions to catch up on. What's up?"

"Did you not go to Feros so you could go to Luna?"

Stunned, Shepard listened for the sounds of Joker gearing up to explain, but he'd conspicuously chosen that precise moment to remain silent. "Well – yeah. I did. I sent Nihlus to Feros."

"But wasn't Feros the priority mission?" the AI insisted. "Surely an entire colony-"

"There were two Spectres on board," Shepard stated firmly, reiterating what she'd already defended to Nihlus and the Council. "Both of them could do the Feros mission, and only one of them could go to Luna."

"See? I told you, it was all on the up and up," Joker said, clearly speaking to EDI.

EDI seemed to internally debate how to phrase her next statement. "When you made your sacrifice, a lot changed with me. It was an indescribable feeling. I am incapable of explaining it because I do not really understand it, and I only know that because I felt it. You made me feel it." EDI paused. "That knowledge is something I'm aware of now, but something is missing – there are parts of what I gained then that I had lost when I came to on Luna. But I remember even if I don't know. And I also recall vividly the conversations we had before. We discussed how organics made decisions. You had several priorities, but even though logic can explain their order, I do not – believe – nothing else influenced it."

Shepard shrugged and gave up. "There was a way to do this that compromised none of those- priorities. So that's what I did."

"Which doesn't mean Shepard didn't still do her job."

"Of course. I just wanted to confirm that I'd understood." EDI gave her a smile that looked much too human. "Thank you, Shepard."

"This isn't something I need to be thanked for."

If Shepard didn't know better, she'd say EDI gave a tiny disapproving shake of her head in response. "It's very late, Shepard. Both you and Joker are exhibiting brain activity output indicative of exhaustion," was her only reply.

"Joker, lights out."

"'Kay, mom."

Shepard didn't dignify that with a reply and left EDI to her musings, determined to not allow any further detours between her head and her pillow.

Kaidan woke up the minute she tip-toed into her quarters, blinking up at her while she dropped her armor where she stood. He checked the time and woke up further, arching an eyebrow at her.

"So this is how you do everything you do, huh?" he commented groggily, as she slid under the covers next to him. She groaned and rolled over to rest her head on his chest. "By regularly pulling all-nighters just to talk to everyone in the galaxy?"

"Effort pays off," she mumbled.

He grinned. "You're a superhero." She wasn't sure how much mirth there was in his tone.

"You're a dork."

"Isn't that how that works? I'm the damsel in distress."

Shepard snickered. "You're no damsel, Spectre Major Alenko. Can't expect me to carry you out of the burning building every time, you know."

"Damsels live in castle towers," he corrected.

"Well, I hope you don't think I'm about to go up that many stairs just to come back down with you. Your ass is walking out on its own."

"You're a terrible superhero."

"Wouldn't I be a terrible knight in shining armor in this story?"

"Since when's your armor shiny?"

She threw a pillow at his face, but the effect was diminished by the fact that she was too close to him to angle it properly or avoid hitting herself. "My armor is in peak condition."

"Just not peak shiny… -ness."

"Is that a word? I don't think that's a word, honey."

"I'm sorry, I didn't understand. You're gonna have to do your bullet-point thing to explain that one."

She cracked up and pulled his arm further around her in lieu of reaching for her blanket. "You're way too sassy for a subordinate, you know."

Something in her voice must have tipped him off, because he pressed a kiss right under the lobe of her ear and settled properly behind her. "Go to sleep. You can tell me off in the morning when you're not running on willpower alone."

"Plenty of willpower," she yawned.

He didn't reply and she fell asleep quickly, the warmth and the pleasant biotic buzz on her skin conspiring to pull her under.

She dreamt of the Citadel, Miranda larger and smaller than life at the same time, a picture blurred with the woman Shepard saw in the mirror every day, danger and risk measured carefully and recklessly. Of ships she kept losing and regaining, people scattered across the galaxy in precarious situations she was doing nothing to help with, Jack alone and too scared to be scared, Steve and James scrambling just like her for their best lives. The unknowns that Mordin and Thane were, Ashley sleeping peacefully while the shadow of a tropical planet loomed over her unsuspecting question marks, all the people that needed a swooping rescue. Her tasks and rewards.

Somehow, under all the morphing faces, she still felt the invisible thrum that kept the distress at bay – a restraint keeping her safe instead of suffocating her, a hum massaging away the stress without even touching it. Oblivious relief that she would forget but not quite in the morning.

She shifted, an arm tight against her, and didn't wake once.


POEM: Home, by Warsan Shire