Manly Mechs Wear Makeup

"Is it bad?" Bumblebee asked knowing that there was an instance he was slightly too close to the beam. His eyebrows were singed slightly.

Eject notices Rosanna about to open her mouth to say something. "Rosy, no. Don't. Just don't."

"What?" She huffs defensively. "It still looks fine on him. I was gonna suggested if he wanted to try out some thicker eyebrows along with some blush to really bring out the color of his eyes."

"You were not planning on putting makeup on that mech." Blaster should revoke Rosanna's makeup privilege.

"I can if I want." She said in defiance.

"I don't want makeup on my face…" Bumblebee starts speaking up. "I'm too manly for that stuff."

Meanwhile on the nemesis.

Knock Out searches endlessly through his cabinets and drawers, not leaving one unopened or unchecked. "Breakdown, have you've seen my eyeliner?"

"I thought you put it next to where you store your hair spray." Breakdown replied, polishing his war hammer, sitting on a chair.

"No, I still can't find it! What a cruel, twisted fate this is!"

Breakdown rolls his eyes from the dramatic act. "Knock Out, you look fine without it."

"Fine is not enough! I need to look absolutely perfect."

"Red, listen. The more you try to search for it, the more you're gonna mess up the place," There was already personal care products scattered around, "And you're going to hate cleaning that up. And besides, you look perfectly natural."

"... Fine. Only for a week, and then I'm buying some more."

The Phone

Miko's ringtone went off in the proximity of Chirpwing while she was searching for a new tune for her cell phone. "Not that one…"

Even though she was uninterested with the previous tune, the boy recognized the jingle. "The phone, the phone is ringing." Chirpwing sings, sounding like a toddler who knew those lyrics front and back.

Keeping in mind that no one in the room has heard a sound out of him that wasn't a chirp, these were his first spoken words since the day he was rescued.

"That kid sang his first words." Jack shook his head, trying to not sound so amused.

Miko, on the other hand, expressed fully her thoughts about the cuteness. "AWWW! I want that as my ringtone now! Come on, keep singing, Chirpy." She ushers the sparkling, having her phone on voice record mode.

"The phone, we'll be right there." Chirpwing continues for his audience. His fan base grew plus one when Rosanna heard him.

"He has the voice of a little angel. Can I just adopt this cutie oil pie?" The pink femme coos, picking up Chirpy as if he was a baby doll. "Blaster, I'm going to keep this child."

"You have to fight Arcee to the death for 'em," Blaster replied.

"Wait wait… Raf, can I borrow your laptop for a few seconds?" Miko thought of an idea and Raf allowed the teenager to go through with it. Miko plays one of the 'Go Diego Go' songs and Chirpwing instantly lit up.

"Go Diego, go. Vamos Deigo, Vamos."

Now, what no one expects was Bumblebee to pop out of nowhere and join in, "Al rescate, Amigos. To the rescue my friends." Chirpy and Bumblebee start singing together and it was a mixture of cuteness and silliness.

Dinner Time with the Cons

Having actual mouths were the Vehicons' first mystery of life when they transformed into techno-organics. In their previous forms, they had a slit under their mask that energon can go through, but nothing like this.

"Any ideas on how to… consume this?" Steve holds his container of spaghetti as if it was foreign. The rest of his peers couldn't give him an answer as they were all on the same page titled 'lack of knowledge'.

"Well, Greg has an idea." Kevin motions towards Greg who dared to take the first steps on uncharted territory, bravely conquering by slurping a noodle down.

"Slurrp." Make that multiple noodles now.

"Works for me." All of the other techno-organic Vehicons followed suit and slurps down oodles of noodles, savoring the flavors and having fun with the concept of eating.

… … … … …

Soundwave had ordered fettucini with shrimp while Laserbeak has the kids' spaghetti. The TIC is fully capable of feeding himself and his minicon; the fork on his right hand feed him, while the left feeds the child. Thankfully, he looked up videos on how to use a fork, something he could have shared with the rest of the crew, but oh well. No one asked.

"Om nom nom nom…" grunted in satisfaction with every 'nom' from Laserbeak.

He made the noise again, prompting a little smile from Soundwave. "Child, where did you learn these noises?"

"Yum yum yum." This is not answering his question, but if this isn't the cutest thing to watch, Soundwave couldn't care less.

… … … … … … … …

"Breakdown, eat with a fork!" Knock Out grew more irritated with every bite taken out of a steak without a use of a utensil.

The bruiser mech continues to be defiant and uses his bare hands to feed himself like a barbarian. "Nah. This is much easier."

"That's not how you're supposed to eat it."

"You just learned how to use a fork three clicks ago." Breakdown shot back. "Not all of us can be as sophisticated as you, scarfing down a hundred sticks of bread."

… … … … … …

Sitting on the throne like the evil Warlord that he is, Megatron feasts on the ravioli, enjoying it bite after bite. It was so delicious that he prevented himself multiple times from scarfing his entire meal down.

If this what humans have to offer in their pathetic existence, then he can consider not wiping out every last human on the planet that gets in his way.

… … … … …

"That wasn't half bad." Starscream hummed, licking the tomato sauce from his fingertips. While there's nothing like the refreshing taste of sweet energon to fill one's tanks, the spices and different texture that this lasagna provided certainly met his standards. Too bad Knock Out was too stingy to share the breadsticks, otherwise, Starscream wouldn't mind trying one.

There have to be other opportunities, so the former flyer doesn't waste the energy to mull about it. About to take the plate to the incinerator outside his quarters, a few red stains on his used-to-be pristine trenchcoat caught his eye.

"Scrap," he swears, holding the tail end of it as he narrows at the mess. "Maybe it comes off easily…" To test the theory, he gently rubs his tongue on a spot like a sponge. That action ended up smudging the tomato sauce. "I just made it worse, didn't I?"

Prime Morning

Bright and early is when the leader of the Autobots arises from a well-rested slumber. He gets dressed and having practice, dressed efficiently without any problems.

He heads to the kitchen and prepares a hearty breakfast of a bowl full of cereal and fruit to start off his day. Optimus doesn't know how to use the microwave or stove just yet, so this simple breakfast is the best that he can conjure up. The only piece of machinery he can work is the coffee maker as Fowler is seen making that a few times, even teaching Optimus how to use it when he needs that morning boost.

Coffee can be a man or a prime's best friend in the morning, and Optimus partakes in a cup of dark roasted in his '#1 Dad' cup. The human children brought this back when they took the Autobots shopping for clothes and other necessities (of course, they brought back clothes and other things for Optimus).

In the midst of eating, a yet-to-fully-awaken Bumblebee stumbles in. "Ugh… I'm tired." Grumbled the sleepy scout. The reason why he didn't remain in bed is because his stomach was demanding honey flavored cereal. He didn't sense Optimus until the Prime spoke.

"Good morning, Tired." Optimus must have been awake as Bumblebee or decided to be humorous. Whatever the case, Bumblebee's face contorts in an expression that lies in between confusion and disbelief. It also appeared that the scout was trying to hold back a laugh, attempting to look serious and disappointed at that commented.

Did Optimus just made what humans refer to as a 'dad joke'? Guess this is another reason why he is worthy of a dad mug. There are some things that the matrix of leadership can't conceal, such as Optimus' sense of humor. In all honestly, Optimus teases the young scout as such in the absence of others.

Someone's got a Crush

The group gave a round of applause to Rosanna's new song. "Thank you, thank you~ I'll be here all week." She does live at the base, so that's true.

"Meh… I've heard worse." Even Miko couldn't tell herself that the singer's song was trash. Although, it didn't warrant her to act like a complete fan like Bulkhead was, cheering wildly at the end.

"How many bots can say that Rosanna created a new song just for them? A great one at that."

"Yeah yeah, she's great. Whatever. It's time for the creature feature marathon now!" Miko starts to drag the green Wrecker away. "Jackie, you watching with us, right?"

"Be there in a sec," Wheeljack tells Miko to hold on from starting the movie without him. He watched one Earth monster movie and he became hooked on to the genre ever since. And it also turns out that Miko keeps a horde of those movies with her.

"Your work never fails to impress." He complimented Rosanna, although she probably has people telling her that all the time.

Nonetheless, Rosanna pretends it is the first praise she ever heard and becomes modest like Blaster tells her to be when receiving one. "Oh. It was nothing. I'm just giving what the fans want."

"Care to listen to some feedback then?"

"Sure thing."

"Don't stop being great. It is quite an honor that you'd go out of your way to compose a new song. Hope that wasn't a major request."

"N-not at all!" Rosanna caught herself stammering, and then plays it cool. "I always heard stories about how courageous and strong the Wreckers were, and that inspired me to composes songs that invigorate bots to be the same."

"Watch out, you're going to make me feel like I'm important." Came a small chuckle from the Wrecker, "Anyway, I better get going or Miko will 'accidently' start the movie without me. See ya around, Rosanna."

"You can call me Rose or Rosy or whatever is easier for you." Mildly flustered, the singer twirls a lock of pink hair around her finger when she said this.

Wheeljack nods. "Aight. Rosy it is." And then he walks off, leaving Eject (who Rosanna didn't bother to notice at the time) to spot the Superstar's face blush offsetting her bright color scheme.

At the time Rosanna did notice her fellow minicon's presence, she raised an eyebrow, confused by his abnormal cheeky smile. "What's with that dumb look on your face?"

"Seems like the superstar has a super crush."

"What kind of nonsense are you babbling on about?

"Let me say this in a language that you'll understand. " Eject begins speaking Cybertronian, more specifically, a minicon language. "You like Wheeljack. You like Wheeljack."

"No, I don't!" Rosanna retorts back in the same dialect.

"Yes, you do."

"Not!"

"Do!"

"Do not!"

"Do too!" This goes on for a few more minutes in a series of clicks and chirps that no one else was in earshot of to inquire about this cryptid conversation.

"Shut your mouth or I'm gonna do it for you!" The girl in pink stomps her foot, losing her composure rather quickly to further confirm Eject's suspicions.

"What are you going to do? Call Wheeljack to back you up?" The male minicon teased. "I'm so giving Blaster the play by play about this."

"Eject, I will pop holes in all of your footballs if you don't keep your mouth shut! And cover all of your favorite jerseys in glitter that doesn't come out easily!"

"Okay, Unicron, chill… We are all friends here. No need to resort to violence."

Knights and Arcee

"Halt! Thou be wise to surrender-eth now or thou shall taste my blade!" Boldly declared a knight clad in yellow and black armor with a sword branded towards his opposition.

"Nay! For it is thou who shall face defeat!" Replied with much vigor and determination, the white knight refused to be intimidated.

"Did we just walk into a discounted resonance fair?" Destroying the suspenseful atmosphere with a blunt comment, the two knights turned their heads towards the entrance of the training room's entrance, seeing Arcee and Bulkhead.

"What are you two metalheads doing?" Bulkhead inquired the younger members of the team.

"Partaking in battle in demonstration of our heroic capabilities." Smokescreen proudly answers with a stance that just screams 'confidence'.

Arcee blinks. "Translation? In English?"

"Training with wooden swords and armor." Bumblebee sighed.

Smokescreen frowns hearing the dumb down version of his statement. "Don't make it sound uncool-eth.."

"Actually, I think this is a fun way to train." Bulkhead gave it a thought, "Yo, you guys got room for another?"

Smokescreen and Bumblebee exchange glances as if having a brief silent meeting. Bumblebee then looks at the older man. "That depend-eth. Can thou speaketh like us?"

"Yes...eth?" Bulkhead tried.

Smokescreen gave a shrug. "Works for me. Grab your armor and grab sword!" After all, the 'knights' only seen like two renaissance movies, so they weren't totally experts on their faire speak.

Bumblebee turns to Arcee. "'Cee, you wanna join?"

"No thanks. You knights have fun."

"You don't have to fight if you don't want to. Oh! You can be the princess!"

"Excuse me?"

"What? You can cheer us on and commence battles and other princess stuff...eth."

Arcee's ears could not believe what they were hearing. He can't be serious, right? "Aren't we all a little too old for make believe?" She says this at the same time Bulkhead puts on his armor. Time to retract that question.

"Aw, please, Arcee? Miko isn't here to be the Princess." Although, now thinking about it, Miko probably wouldn't want that role bestowed upon her. She doesn't seem like the princess type. Arcee doesn't either, but she's the only other femme.

"And you're not going to be in distress either," Smokescreen added as if that were a plus.

Arcee's eyes narrowed sharper than the edges of their fake blades. "Are you hinting something there, Smokescreen?"

"No…"

Bumblebee jumps in front of Arcee, begging her to consider. "Please, Arcee pretty please? Please with rust flakes on top?"

Not the big optics… Arcee is immune to the effects of puppy dog eyes, but it's really pathetic when a teenager does it. "... No dresses."

Naming Names

"What's an average name for a blond, good-looking, energetic teen boy?" Bumblebee begins to become tired of scrolling through potential names on Raf's laptop. The Autobots took Jazz's advice and begin planning on their alias names while in their human forms. Agent Fowler even agreed to give them IDs just in case.

Jack hums in thought, thinking of generic names. "Probably Dereck or Brad."

Bee shook his head. "No thanks…"

"Kevin?" Miko guessed, honestly not feeling sure about that name.

"Nu-uh…"

"Barry?"

"Are you just guessing random names?" Jack figured to ask Miko.

Miko didn't deny that she was guessing. "A little."

"How come you figured out a cool name for Bulkhead so easily? Or should I say, Bruce Mason?" The blond hair teened huffs.

"Because Bruce is a tough name." That much Miko knows. "And then we just started playing around with the last name."

"'Cause you know, I have a mace for a weapon." Bulkhead thinks he's clever for coming up with that last name which had stemmed from a joke.

"What about Benson? Or Ben for short?" Suggested June.

"I can live with that. Hmm… Benson… Bolt?"

Raf gave his guardian a weird look. "Why Bolt?"

"It sounds cool. And don't humans have weird last names anyway?" He does have a point.

"Sounds a little unbelievable…" June ponders for a new last name. "Benson Boulton sounds better."

Bumblebee had to say the name a few times in his head and out loud before he came to accept it. "Fine, but I'm gonna say Benson Bolt for short."

"Okay, I'm next!" The rookie, Smokescreen, is looking forward to sharing his human name, "And I've done research about popular, cool boy names and I have one in mind."

Jack can't wait to hear this one. "Let's hear it."

"Zander Steel."

"No. If I wouldn't name my child that, you're not getting the name." June crushed his dream in a second.

Smokescreen gave a pout. "But June… I worked really hard on that."

"And it does sound cool. Zander Steel has a ring to it." The Asian teen backed up former race car robot.

"Did you go on the first website you saw?" Raf questions, flipping around his laptop to show everyone the screen. "Because I found the exact same name when looking up 'popular, cool boy names'."

Then all eyes went back on Smokescreen. He scratches the back of his head sheepishly. "So, maybe I didn't put that much time into researching."

"Zane on its own doesn't sound bad," Raf admitted, attempting to help Smokescreen keep some parts of his first name.

The former racecar assumes that he can't keep his last name, so he turns to Miko for ideas. "Miko? Any Japanese last names?"

"Processing random name…" Miko runs down a mental list of common last names. "Takeshi?"

"What does that means?"

"Warrior or fierce warrior."

Bulkhead quietly chuckled at the coincidence. "Are you sure that was random?"

"I don't care, I love it! Zane Takeshi."

"Alright. Choosing the ethnic route." Jazz commented before turning to Arcee. "You, 'Cee?"

"I already have a first name. Sadie."

Bumblebee tilted his helm when he asked, "You want to stick to your holoform name?"

"I don't see why I can't."

"You still need a last name, though." Jazz added.

"Haven't gotten that far yet."

"What about Darby? You're basically a part of the family."

"Is it because of that one time you called me 'mom'?" Arcee replied to her jr partner with a little taunt.

"You called her 'mom'?" Amused at the idea that her son called the motorcycle 'mom', June couldn't fathom the situation.

"It's a long story, real mom." Not really. Jack doesn't want to explain that he referred to Arcee as his mother in front of Sierra that one time. In the meantime, he better come up with a different story to tell.

"Well, I think Sadie Darby has a nice ring to it. If anyone asks, you're Jack's cousin."

"I think I can live with that."

"Now that we have names out of the way." Jazz clasps his hands. "Here comes the next fun part: background stories."

Operation: Shopping

It was about time that the Autobots go shopping for clothes and other necessities that they need. The human kids volunteered to help them out by taking them to a huge shopping center.

Miko is extremely excited being able to shop somewhere that isn't in boring Jasper, however, there's also the non-glamorous side of shopping when it includes looking for women's items, such as… "What are these?" Arcee picks up a strange article of clothing.

"That is called a bra."

"And what are they for?"

There's no way to beat around the bush to answer the question. "Uh… support for your chest."

Arcee looks at the price tag. "Why are they so expensive?"

"I wonder the same thing… but nonetheless, you need a few pairs. We can get shoes and other clothes first and save the not so fun shopping experience for last."

"Alright." Arcee puts the bra back and then follows Miko to women's shirts area.

"So, were there any stores like these on Cybertron?"

"Sort of. Rather than clothes, there were armor upgrade shops for those who wanted frame modifications. There were also detailing and custom paint jobs."

"Can't say I'm surprised. You guys were walking vehicles." Miko didn't know what else to expect.

"There were a lot of other similar stores that sold stuff like toys, souvenirs too. Cybertron's economy often flourished because with trade with other planets." Arcee added.

"You mean with other aliens?" Miko had to keep her voice toned down unless she wants confused eyes from strangers headed in their direction.

"I would have figured by now you'd expect the existence of aliens to not come as a shock."

"I didn't there were aliens that traded stuff! Man, why can't Earth be on Cybertron's level?" What's not to love about interstellar trade?"Hey, when Cybertron is up and running one day, would you get me something from there?"

"Do you want a plush doll that acts like an actual pet? Imagine having a cat without the mess."

"As much as I love my cats, I would totally love that~!"

… … … …

"Wait until everyone else sees me in this." Bulkhead is showing off his new hunter green and black jacket.

"It suits you, Bulkhead." Raf smiled at his stylish Autobot friend. The small boy may not be an expert on fashion, but finding that jacket was a perfect match for Bulk.

"Thanks." Walking down the shoe aisle, Bulkhead accidently bumps shoulders with someone. "Ah, excuse me."

"You better watch where you're going… Wait, Bulkhead?" The muscular figure questioned, recognizing Bulkhead's voice.

"Breakdown?" As luck would have it, of course, Bulkhead runs into his arch enemy here out of all places. "What are you doing here?"

"Trying to figure out with shoe size I should kick your aft with." The golden eyed mech retorts. It didn't take long for Knock Out to show up.

"Breakdown? Making friends with the Autobot and his pet?" Knock Out glances at Raf, "Oh, it's not the girl this time."

Bulkhead steps in front of Raf protectively. "You're here to steal clothes?"

"How dare you assume we'll be petty thieves. We intend to pay for this. But not that because that's a hideous design. Put that back." Knock Out makes Breakdown put away a pair of shoes that he was holding. The bruiser mech actually looked hurt when he turned away and returns the footwear. "And before you assume anything else, we do have money to pay for it that isn't counterfeit."

"Where do you Cons get money from?" It's not like they have people working in the military to give them an allowance. Raf's guess was that the Cons stole it from somewhere.

"That's our little secret that you have no business knowing." The medic said in a matter of fact tone, walking past Bulkhead to examine a pair of red shoes on a nearby shelf. "Now, these are nice." Knock Out decides to keep these for himself. "Understand that we're not here to start a fight." He continues, stepping past Bulkhead again, this time, snaking a small bottle of cologne in Bulkhead's jacket pocket.

"Unless you're desperate for a beatin', then we can take this outside." Breakdown challenged.

Tempted to kick Breakdown's butt anytime of the day, Bulkhead felt Raf pulling on his jacket. "C'mon Bulk, this mall is big enough to not run into them again."

With a final glare aimed at the Decepticons, Bulkhead begins to exit the store, "Out of all the malls on this planet, they had to be in this one? What a load of-"

BEEP BEEP BEEP!

In the midst of angry grumbling, Bulkhead was briefly startled by the beeps. "Uh, what's going on?"

"That's the security alarm…" Raf's voice was practically shaken, seeing the mall security approach them soon after.

… … … …

"Wow, these are so good." Smokescreen munches down on snacks that he and Bumblebee got from the food court. "What are these called again?"

"Pretzels," Jack answered. All he got was a lemonade since he wasn't hungry at the time.

"I could eat a hundred of these things." Bumblebee hums, eating more of the pastry. He then stops walking, causing the other two teens do the same.

"What's up? You're not choking, are you?" Jack really hopes that isn't the case. In fact, it was something much worse as Bumblebee points to the direction of his distress.

Smokescreen and Jack spot the Decepticon Seeker, Starscream, from a store's glass windows. Apparently, he doesn't notice them at all. "What is Starscream doing here?" Jack believes this is a bad dream.

"Dunno, but I'm sure I can help him find the exit." Smokescreen cracks his knuckles right after scarfing down his last delicious pretzel.

"Woah Smoke, bad idea. Starting a fight in a store is the quickest way to get banned from one."

"That's lame… And he's right there looking at shoes?"

Bumblebee grins, having an idea. "Maybe we can help him out."

… … …

Starscream couldn't have worse luck trying to find shoes worthy of his feet. He found pretty much everything else; shirts, jackets, pants, etc, but no shoes to match his taste. "Soundwave sure pick a wonderful place to shop…" He once again places the blame on Soundwave who is most likely in another store right now buying his bratty minicon every toy that he doesn't need. Speaking of brats, three of them dared to show their faces to him.

"Yo, Screamer, pleasant seeing you here." Smokescreen was the first to speak, bearing an annoying welcoming smile.

Starscream glares at the Autobots and the human, Jack. "Unfortunately, I can't say the same."

"We're not here to fight or start one," Bumblebee announced.

"Then why have you approach me?"

"We want to offer a temporary truce," Smokescreen spoke next, "At least until the next time we appear on the battlefield. Or whenever."

"And we noticed you were having trouble finding a pair of shoes, so, here." Jack, keeping on a casual appearance, handed the man in a trenchcoat a box of shoes. "We swear we didn't do anything to them."

"We're still new to the whole human style thing, but we think this will compliment you very well," Bumblebee adds, not letting the corner of his mouth form a suspicious smile.

Still wary if the Autobots are up to something that will punch him in the face, against his better judgment, Starscream opens the box, revealing a slick and stylish pair of gray boots with heels. "I must admit… you could have found a worse pair. Where did you find these?"

"In the women's shoe aisle." All of the teenagers lost their cool and burst out laughing. Starscream, on the other hand, was not laughing as he felt humiliated that he walked into that joke.


And's that a wrap. These bloopers are meant to be short and not very detailed, but enough to paint to picture. I'm so sorry that took so long, I had to prepare for finals and my last few weeks has not been pleasant because of that.

By the way, if anyone can come up with better human names for the Autobots, I would love that because I can't even give my pets original names. I had more bloopers, but I think I'll make a second chapter for that possibly. These were ideas and bits that I wanted to add in the story, but I never had the opportunity to expand on them in the story without it disrupting the flow in some way. But anyway, what was yall's favorite little blooper/scene?

Welp, next chapter is written out, for the most part, I just need to edit and all that good stuff. I kinda want to label it as season 2 of my amazingly great story because that's where everything really starts to pick up.

Amia is out.