Thank you all for your interest and enthusiasm. It continues to inspire me as I continue to write this story. This is just a short update; the next one will be much longer, I promise.
The night nurse on duty in the ICU, Grace, was the sympathetic nurse who had helped Alexis, Martha, Jim, and Esposito during Kate's panic when she had first awakened and thought Castle was dead. When Grace went to check on the couple and found them sharing Kate's hospital bed, she merely smiled before checking each of their vital signs and recording them in their respective charts.
She'd been an ICU nurse for almost ten years now, and she had never witnessed the level of devotion Richard Castle and Katherine Beckett exhibited to one another in any other patients.
She had to give them credit for managing to look comfortable and at peace in that single hospital bed...although some of that could be the pain meds.
Grace regarded the sleeping couple, Castle lying on his uninjured side, Beckett on her back, her cheek resting against Castle's good shoulder, the crown of her head tucked under his chin, which rested lightly on top of her head, and amended her thinking.
It wasn't the pain meds making this couple look so comfortable and at peace.
It was the strength they drew from each other, the love and the bond they shared.
These two, Grace knew, were going to be all right, precisely because they had each other...and, as Grace recalled, a loving family and friends who would be there for them every step of the way during their recovery.
Grace left Captain Beckett and Mr. Castle sleeping, and made sure everyone else on the night shift knew they were not to be disturbed, and under no circumstances was Mr. Castle to be awakened and forced to move back to his own bed.
And she would see to it that the morning nurses, when they came on at 7 AM, knew to let them stay together in the same bed as well.
Clearly, their togetherness was a crucial part of their recovery process.
Alexis woke up feeling very thirsty. Must have been the chocolate syrup, she mused. She shuffled quietly downstairs for a glass of ice water.
When she got to the kitchen, the entire floor was red, covered in a river of blood.
And there lay her father and Kate, clutching hands, lying in the middle of the neverending river of blood...their blood.
Both of them were so pale and still, and Alexis knew they were dead before she even touched them, but she dropped to her knees, splashing their blood all over when she did, and reached out with shaking hands to touch first her father's cheek, and then Kate's.
Both were as cold as ice.
Alexis opened her mouth to scream, but nothing came out...nothing but panting gasps. Her heart was racing. Her chest was tight and hurting badly. Was this what a heart attack felt like? It didn't even occur to her that, at only age 23, a heart attack was highly unlikely.
She felt dizzy, and numb. She couldn't breathe. And she was drenched in sweat.
Breathe. Why couldn't she breathe?
She couldn't look away from her dad and Kate, but she didn't want to look at them any longer.
The pain in her chest was unbearable. She clutched at her chest with one hand as she struggled to breathe. She couldn't get enough air. She tried to move, but she was frozen. If she couldn't stand up or crawl, maybe she could at least roll over to one side.
THUMP!
Alexis woke up when she hit her bedroom floor, having fallen out of bed. She was still dizzy, drenched in sweat, her heart racing, her chest on fire.
She was at home, and intellectually, she knew that her dad and Kate were fine. They were in their hospital room and they were going to be all right, given time and physical (and for her dad, also respiratory) therapy.
But Alexis was so shaken by her nightmare that she couldn't talk herself down from this panic attack. It must be a panic attack, she thought dimly.
Hyperventilating now, she stumbled to her knees, shaking all over and feeling like she had just broken the surface in the deepest end of the deepest swimming pool. Gram was just down the hall, but Alexis was shaking too badly to move. She couldn't get to Gram, and Gram was a fairly sound sleeper. She couldn't get to Gram, and she wouldn't be able to speak above a whisper, so Gram wouldn't hear her.
Alexis's bedside lamp was still on, her laptop forgotten and kicked to the foot of the bed, apparently when she rolled out of bed and landed on the floor. Still on her knees, still shaking all over, and still hyperventilating, which raised a new fear, the fear of passing out, Alexis crawled to her bed and, with violently shaking hands, managed to knock her laptop to the floor.
Then she scooted back towards the nearest wall, not stopping until her back hit it hard, dragging her laptop behind her. She would have to ride this out on her own, and she needed to make sure that it was just a panic attack.
Her shaking fingers wouldn't let her type coherently, though.
Alexis tipped her head back and looked up at the ceiling, trying to slow her breathing, but it wasn't working.
Then, as if from a distance, she heard Gram. "Alexis? Are you in here?"
Weakly, Alexis raised one trembling arm. Martha scanned the room and spotted her granddaughter on the floor against the wall, shaking and gasping for breath.
"Oh, my darling!" she exclaimed as she rushed to Alexis's side and dropped to her knees beside her. "That thump must have been you."
"C-can't...breathe," Alexis rasped.
Martha brushed Alexis's sweat-soaked hair off her forehead. "You're having a panic attack, Alexis. Did you have another nightmare? Hold up one finger for 'yes,' two fingers for 'no,'" Martha directed. Alexis held up her right index finger. "Your father and Katherine are just fine," she said firmly. "Keep telling yourself that, in your head. Make it a mantra."
Alexis did as Gram asked, saying over and over in her head, "Dad and Kate are fine. Dad and Kate are fine. Dad and Kate are fine. Dad and Kate are fine."
"Now," Martha said, gently prying the laptop from Alexis's hands and setting it back on her bed, "we have to get your breathing under control. Lie back, and I'm going to coach you through a breathing exercise I do with my students sometimes. Just lie down right here on the floor, with your knees bent and your feet planted on the floor."
Alexis followed her grandmother's instructions, Martha's presence and the sound of her voice already helping to start calm her down.
"Good, good," Martha said. "Now, you're lying down because you are your most relaxed when you're lying down." She gently took hold of Alexis's hands, which were slick with sweat. "Now, you need to put one hand on your chest, right here..." She placed one of Alexis's hands, palm flat, on her chest, right over her sternum. "...and your other hand, you want on your stomach." She placed Alexis's other hand flat on her stomach. "Very good, honey. Now, take a slow breath in. Like this." Martha inhaled then, and Alexis shakily matched her grandmother's breathing.
"And...exhale," Martha directed. Alexis shakily breathed out.
And so it went, Martha talking Alexis through regulating her breathing, and breathing with her until she was back to breathing normally, and her shaking had subsided.
Martha helped Alexis to sit up, and they both leaned back against the wall. "Thank you," Alexis said to her grandmother.
Martha hugged Alexis, and Alexis hugged her back. "I wasn't sleeping myself," Martha confessed. "I had a nightmare, too. I had been awake for a few minutes, I heard the thump, and at first I thought there might be someone downstairs, but then I remembered you set the alarm before we came upstairs, and it would have gone off if anyone had broken in. So then I knew it must be you. Did you hurt yourself?"
"No, I just fell out of bed, and that's what woke me up. I started having the panic attack in my sleep," Alexis replied. "I'm such a mess, Gram."
"It's to be expected," Martha said.
"But for how long?" Alexis wanted to know, leaving the safety and comfort of her grandmother's arms. "I hate this! I feel so...so out of control. Dad and Kate are gonna be all right. I should be handling this better, shouldn't I?"
"You saw something very traumatizing," Martha pointed out gently but firmly. "It's only been a couple of days. You have to give yourself some time."
"I can't sleep without having nightmares. Now I'm having panic attacks," Alexis raved.
"One. One panic attack," Martha pointed out.
Alexis stood up. "I need to be with Dad and Kate. I'm going to grab a quick shower because I'm drenched in sweat, and then I'm going to the hospital." It was the only thing she could think to do to keep another panic attack at bay, because it was too early to call the therapist she'd seen years ago after her kidnapping.
"I'll call the car service and get dressed while you're in the shower," Martha replied.
Ten minutes later, they were on their way to the hospital. When they arrived at Castle and Beckett's hospital room, the sight that met their eyes put smiles on both Martha and Alexis's faces: Rick and Kate curled up together in Kate's hospital bed.
"We should have known your father would sneak into Katherine's hospital bed," Martha whispered.
"I doubt Kate put up a fight, Gram," Alexis whispered back. She looked at them lovingly. "What a pair."
"Yes, they are," Martha agreed.
Despite Martha's suggestions that Alexis use Richard's hospital bed since he wasn't using it himself, Alexis refused, settling herself in the chair next to Kate's bed. Martha sat on the edge of Richard's empty hospital bed and eventually lay back and succumbed to sleep. She had no nightmares and didn't waken.
Alexis propped her chin on her hand and spent the rest of the night watching her dad and Kate sleeping. She definitely needed help to get past this, to get rid of these nightmares and keep more panic attacks from happening.
She just hoped the therapist could see her today so she could get started on putting this behind her once and for all today.
