Kaidan, predictably, disapprovingly praised Shepard's achievement in bringing the Illusive Man in alive, in a grudging sort of way. Garrus found it funny. She and Miranda had made it back to the lab the two of them were guarding, taking advantage of the break to regroup and attend to any inconsequential grazes they'd suffered, now that the building was theoretically clear.
Jack was taking her sweet time anyway, which was irritating Miranda to a point she was weirdly unable to hide. The pros and cons of killing versus arresting wasn't a conversation she was enjoying either.
"The Illusive Man doesn't need to be dead to be meaningless," she commented curtly.
"Hey, no love lost," the turian said, shrugging. "No one would have asked you too many questions if you'd killed him, Shepard."
"It's not our job to kill people, we're not playing god," Kaidan protested distastefully, leaving Shepard wondering about these bipolar tendencies of his. "Not like he does, anyway," he added under his breath. Garrus' mandibles moved slightly, enough for her to recognize he was holding back laughter.
"Yes, well," Miranda said, eyes on her omnitool, where she was presumably issuing orders to relevant Cerberus personnel, "it's done, and he has been removed from the gameboard, which makes this a successful mission."
"If you say so."
Shepard was about to suggest they get moving, because Miranda probably wanted something done with the mess of a station surrounding them, when a tapping noise called for their attention above their heads.
"Who's tall, dark and vanilla ice cream?" Jack asked with a bright grin, jumping from an unreasonably high up beam and landing lightly on her feet. How she'd gotten there was an unsolvable mystery, though the goal of looking cool was for sure achieved.
It took several seconds for Kaidan to realize she was referring to him, and by then she'd already lost interest.
"Where have you been?" Miranda demanded. "You were supposed to be here twenty minutes ago." Shepard noted that despite her tone, the unusually open expression on her face only held some sort of guilty relief.
"Being late's fashionable." Jack enthusiastically held up two hands for Garrus to high-five, barely sparing Miranda a glance.
Kaidan was still offended. "We've met, you know."
Jack paid more attention to him now. "Oh, right – I remember you. You're that asshole from Horizon." Jack frowned at Shepard. "Is it because of his ass? Why you keep him around, I mean," she clarified, because Shepard had no idea how to process her previous sentence. "It is a great ass, though," she conceded.
Kaidan rolled his eyes, a reaction bellied by the obvious blush creeping up his face. "I'm going to make sure the place is clear."
"No, you're not," Shepard called, finally finding the opening in the conversation. "If you leave me alone with the two of them for too long, I'm not sure I'll be in any condition of getting back to the Normandy by myself."
He kissed her cheek for sarcastic purposes and left anyway. Garrus shrugged and followed him. Of all the times to finally abandon her.
"I don't think he likes your friends, huge red flag," Jack opined, and Miranda actually giggled very briefly at that.
"Shouldn't the three of you be able to bond over your biotic existential issues?"
Miranda scoffed. "I have no issues with my biotics at all, I'm very comfortable with them."
"And I'm a whole new level of biotic. Can't relate," Jack said dismissively. Miranda rolled her eyes, which was a return to normalcy.
She became distracted by a datapad – which she produced as mysteriously as Liara did – and wandered away. Shepard met Jack's eyes briefly and, receiving only an arched eyebrow as an answer, followed the new Cerberus boss over to a destroyed bit of stairway, where she'd nestled, enthralled in her work.
Shepard sat down on the step next to her. "No more solo missions."
"No need for more," Miranda agreed, switching her attention to her. "Cerberus as you and I knew it is gone. That threat is over."
"I appreciate that now we're all focused on the reapers, but-"
"Shepard, there's only so much you can fit on your plate. Just say 'thank you' and let's move on to the next thing you're expected to have to deal with."
Shepard snorted. "Thanks, Miranda."
"Didn't that feel good? Isn't it gratifying to reap benefits without putting in the effort yourself?"
"I'm a restless person. I like to put in the effort."
Miranda smirked. "I know."
"How did you pull off-" Shepard gestured around vaguely, "-all this?"
The response could be reduced to a shrug. "I hardly had to poke around for much information, and monitoring the information people search for is usually how the Illusive Man works things out. He didn't suspect anything because he had faith in the security of his secrets. There's always a way for the truth to come out," she murmured, absent-mindedly tapping her fingers on the metal floor.
"He did notice weird things in your behavior."
"That's true," she conceded. "But hardly damning evidence. Certainly not for this. He probably thought he had time to figure me out."
Shepard mulled over that. "So – you'll take over. Can you just do that?"
"We'll find out, won't we?" Shepard pulled a face at her and she grinned. "It could go both ways. It's rather thrilling, I can see why you like improvisation."
"Uh-huh. And what about the – people, working for the organization. You think they'll just be loyal to you, no questions asked?"
"I don't understand the question. You think they served the Illusive Man out of loyalty?"
"Well – not all, but-"
"I know. Don't worry. I can take care of myself. Additionally, I have a short list of names and an even shorter list of hiding places," she elaborated calmly.
"It's cool, Shepard," Jack bellowed at them from a few feet away, where she was clearly pretending not to listen in. "What I said, y'know, way back when, still stands – no one gets a shot at the princess before I do."
Shepard turned back to Miranda, who shrugged. "And it also appears I have a very effective bodyguard."
"Hey. Quit calling me names. I can hear you."
"How did you convince her to do this, by the way?" Shepard wondered, jamming a thumb in Jack's direction, who'd traipsed away again, engaging in vandalism of the sort she seemed to think was discreet.
Miranda crossed her arms. "The mind boggles. I don't think she has any particular affection for the Illusive Man, however."
"Or for Cerberus," Shepard pointed out in response. "Which is under you, now."
Miranda just shrugged and offered no answers, so Shepard moved on to the next topic. "So – what about your sister? You can work that out now, can't you?"
Miranda nodded, a smirk blossoming on her face. "My father," she said, slowly and vindictively, "is now in an interesting position. Some might even call it precarious. After all, there's so much Cerberus has given and received from him – there's so much I now know. So much I can do to him with a datapad and Cerberus connections. If he actually has the balls to show up anywhere near me or Oriana, he's twice the man I've always thought him to be. Though I suppose that's not really saying much," she added thoughtfully. "I really do hope he tries." There was a manic glint in her eyes Shepard was more used to seeing on Jack's face.
"Just – take care. And don't leave me in the dark."
"Oriana likes you. Or she did. Once she learns about you again, she won't let me, don't worry," Miranda answered, with an affectionate smile that Shepard much preferred. "But enough of that. Let's talk business."
"Business?" Shepard echoed.
"The war, I hope you haven't forgotten?" Miranda teased. "I'll employ the full spectrum of Cerberus' resources to the effort of building the Crucible. You might want to discuss that with the Alliance beforehand," she suggested, a small smirk playing at her lips. "And by the way – I very much do mean the full spectrum. Right down to the Illusive Man's sadly abandoned bank account."
"How is that in your hands?"
"A lot has been happening in the last few weeks, Shepard. Just know it involved a lot of people all too willing to betray him for me, obsolete security measures EDI had more than enough data to assist me in bypassing, and my own personal ingenuity, of course."
"I – well. Thanks," Shepard said, sincere and surprised. "I won't ask." If there was one thing most people knew about Cerberus, it was they had deep pockets.
"There's one more thing I can do, by the way. A gift. For you." Miranda handed her the datapad. "Forwarded that to EDI."
"Udina."
"Correct. His relationship with the organization is a years-long collection of distasteful deals and donations for mutually beneficial self-interests. One thing I'll say for Udina, he had enough moral fiber to keep them at arms' length. But not any farther, which does sour that argument. I expect the war would have had these ties tighten dangerously, like last time. Perhaps you'd like to put a stop to him instead?"
Miranda took her datapad back when Shepard finished sifting through the files. "This is a great help. Might make them think twice before dismissing your help with the war effort."
"I thought so."
Shepard grinned, clapping a hand on her shoulder. "You're far too good at- well, everything." She stood up, and Miranda followed her lead.
"I'm aware. I appreciate you acknowledging it."
With a snort, Shepard took notice of Kaidan and Garrus heading back in their direction, presumably finished with their rounds. "What'll you do now?"
"Reign in this disaster of an organization. There's a lot of work ahead, Shepard, I assure you."
"Too busy for the Normandy."
"Well, yes," Miranda admitted. "But I'll keep in touch."
"I'll hold you to that."
Jack, sensing (or hearing) their conversation finished, walked over with a cheerful spring to her step, which made Shepard wonder what exactly she'd done and how mad Miranda would be. Miranda, however, seemed to decide it was a problem for later, heading over to the Illusive Man's office to start damage control there instead. The two of them made brief eye contact as she left, which Shepard wasn't able to interpret, but Miranda looked reassured by something.
"Shipping out soon, Shepard?" the remaining biotic asked.
"I am. The war preparations haven't exactly stopped on my account."
"True that." Jack's eyes wandered around the room languidly, taking in the broken glass, spilled chemicals and fizzling circuits. "I'm not going."
"I figured," Shepard accepted easily, leaning against a (relatively) safe piece of unrecognizable furniture. "What's your plan?"
"I'm staying with little miss perfect," Jack admitted quietly, as though she were confessing something embarrassing. "I - your whole galaxy-saving shtick, not my thing. I mean, I like helping you, seeing stuff get better, don't get me wrong - but I'm not cut out for those kinda stakes." She sounded apologetic and full of misgivings at the same time. "Hanging the rest of these Cerberus dicks by the knickers? That I can do. I can help that way. Everything else - throwing yourself headfirst into the lion's mouth, I'll leave that to you and the boy scout, your soldiers and the scary asari lady. And Tali. They're the ones you need with you. We had a good run pretending to be Cerberus puppets, but now you're Alliance and you gotta do things by the book and shit. Shooting people shouldn't be that complicated."
"I thought you were happy as a teacher."
"I was. I would be. It's just - I can't just stick it out either. Not yet. I don't wanna be the tip of the spear, but for now I don't wanna be the butt either. Seeing what you and the cheerleader can do - I want to be there. Besides, the kids are actual kids at this point. So I'll hang around right in the middle. For a little while, anyway."
Shepard decided not to gamble a hug and held out a hand instead. "That's not any less of a fight."
Jack gave her a smile and a handshake in return. "Go on, then. They're waiting on you."
Shepard wasn't quite sure if she was referring to Kaidan and Garrus, holding position at the bottom of the stairs, but either way, she made her way back through the station to the Normandy, leaving Miranda and Jack at the wreck of a station. The mighty could fall so easy. She counted this one a success.
"You're back," Tali greeted, waiting in the cargo hold as the shuttle arrived and the landing team exited. Liara was standing beside her, datapad nowhere in sight, for once. James was working out a ways to the side, changing it up by doing pullups instead. "How'd it go?"
Shepard shrugged but Garrus had already manipulated the quarian's attention, looking like he had information to spill and was going to do it full speed ahead.
"Well, Kaidan got harassed by three different women, not discounting Shepard, one of whom expressed opinions on his ass, not Shepard," Garrus reported. Kaidan made an extremely rude gesture in his direction, while James snickered in delight. "Miranda is now a crime lord, and Jack is all for it, for some reason. Oh, and apparently, those two are engaged," he added in relish, very much gesturing to Shepard and Kaidan.
Tali straight up choked on thin air, which was impressive, considering the suit she was always wearing. James gapped at both Shepard and Kaidan, the latter of whom instantly made himself scarce. Steve followed out of genuine sympathy, all of which left Shepard as the main focus of the entire room.
"Joker could keep his mouth shut, but you can't?" she deadpanned, staring at Garrus, who shrugged without remorse.
"Engagements are that thing where humans agree to sign some contract, right?" Tali demanded.
"That's an incredibly poor description," Liara reprimanded. "Culturally, marriage began as a political contract for strategic material gains, yes, but as the human society evolved from medieval settings, it shifted in meaning to a symbolic statement of romantic union instead. Though it still involves a legal contract, I suppose. There are also deep religious ties to the practice. Many alien species in relationships with humans will often agree to partake in the ceremony."
"Thank you, Liara," Shepard announced sarcastically, feeling a little queasy. "Are we all quite done?"
Garrus seemed about to say something else just as unfortunate as all the comments he'd made throughout the day, but an echoing exclamation cut him off.
"Shepard and Alenko are what?!"
Shepard flinched violently and decided against searching out where in the ship Ash's voice was projecting from. "Goddamn you, Joker," she muttered.
"I don't think Ashley is done," James informed her.
Shepard just directed a general glare at her immediate surroundings, quite sure at that moment she hated all of her friends. "I'm leaving. And finding someone sane to talk to."
"Oh, c'mon, you can't just-"
The elevator slammed shut before the sentence was completed, because Kaidan wasn't the only one capable of strategic retreats.
"Commander," Robert greeted the minute she stepped out into the CIC. "You've got unread messages. I think one's from the krogan leader, or what passes for one, anyway."
"Wrex?" she asked immediately, and was met with a hesitant nod. "What's wrong?"
He cleared his throat. "I – think it's strange that he sent this one like- like that. As in, through official, public channels. Considering the contents, I mean."
Shepard began dreading what she'd find. "Official channels?" she echoed.
Robert shook his head, gesturing to her private terminal. "Just – take a look for yourself."
The first thing that popped up was the attachment. Quite frankly, that was all she needed. "Why?" she muttered to herself, not sure to whom she was directing the question. Robert took the initiative, patting her on the back in empathy.
"Might have something to do with the genophage."
The photo enclosed was of Wrex himself, looking quite happy with the world in general, giving two thumbs up to the camera with a smile running across his face. Also pictured was a salarian in a lab coat – this, Shepard could vaguely tell from the shape of his face and the color of his skin, because any distinguishing features were lost beneath the yellow and purple of the bruises covering the man's skin. He was blindfolded, gagged, tied up, and half-slumped against the wall, but evidently alive, which was probably the point of the picture.
Maelon, she told herself, having not a single doubt. "Goddamn you, Wrex," she muttered. "What a fucking brilliant idea of foreign policy you have."
"So it is for the genophage?" Robert clarified.
"Leverage."
He seemed shocked by that. "He needs leverage against you?"
"No, against Dr. Solus," she corrected. "He's making sure everyone's aware Maelon's data exists and that so does the path to a genophage cure. If he gets nothing out of it politically, he'll at least make a lot of people uncomfortable. Definitely spark public protests on the behalf of the krogan, at the bare minimum."
"Standard issue political shitstorm, then."
Shepard huffed. "Yeah. So, again – why? Why me?"
Robert had no answers.
She discovered she was in a combative mood, and so came to the decision to head directly for the medbay, where Mordin was entertained with chemicals with names Shepard would never – nor did she want to – be able to pronounce.
"Commander Shepard. How can I help?"
"Let's talk," she announced, not exactly as a request. Mordin eyed her as she walked around the table to grab a chair. "Right now."
"About?"
"The genophage," she said.
His eyes narrowed. "Oh?"
"You can't think I don't know, right?"
"Think you know much more than I do. Think you expect things I might not be ready to give."
Shepard shook her head. "Not at all. All I want from you is honesty."
"Honesty? Or loyalty?"
"Honest loyalty," she settled on. Mordin found that amusing. "What's that supposed to mean, anyway?"
He tapped his fingers against the tabletop, mulling over his answer. "Have been thinking about genophage as well. Before you came to ask."
"Because of Okeer."
"Because of you," he corrected. "Have opinions. Both of us do. Yours are clear. Demand contemplation, at least."
"That's right," she agreed immediately. "That's what I expect."
"Made clear," he assented. "Confident I will fall in line?"
"Not trying to get you to fall in line. I'm trying to give you perspective," she stressed. "What you do with it is your business."
"But you see an outcome."
"I trust you'll come to the right outcome."
"Right," he echoed, like testing the word, and then moved on. "But trust. Quick to trust," he noted. "Would like to ask, have wondered: appears you and I developed rapport – perhaps friendship – before you came back in time. Have discerned this from your behavior. Am I correct?"
The question was patently rhetorical, which Mordin wasn't known for. He clearly had simply wanted to make an impression, and that he had. Shepard gapped at him for several seconds before settling on something to say.
"How?" There was no point in lying. "How did you know?"
Her reaction seemed to leave him pleased with himself. "Eliminate impossible, truth remains. Sudden influx of future memories not impossible, only highly improbable. Ultimately sole option once all others discarded for unviability. Testing was necessary, but results conclusive."
"Testing?" Shepard repeated, frowning, still a little bit in shock.
Mordin spared her a glance. "Surprisingly easy to manipulate you. Harder than Garrus and Tali, but easy. Accidentally revealed more than you intended. Them more than you, but fed assumptions."
Scowling and fully recovered, Shepard crossed her arms. "That's friendship for you."
A shadow of a grin crossed the salarian's face. "Morally dubious. Have in common. Only best intentions. Mindful of lines not to cross. Not surprised, I hope?"
Shepard made a face at the empty air and then glared at him. "Let's both of us strive to stick to the correct side of that dubiousness."
"Your goal here, correct? Here and always, suspect. Your ally, Shepard. No dubiousness there."
"And the genophage?"
"Perhaps, considering your circumstances, you would like to tell me about it yourself," he suggested.
She considered that. "I could," she decided, "but I won't."
"I see."
"My point isn't to tell you how to think, Mordin," she elaborated. "I'm just asking you how sure you are. Of your actions."
He became visibly angry. "Sure? My actions? How sure are you of yours? How sure is anyone?"
"Not sure at all," she admitted freely. "Most of them chew at me every day."
"Not asking to be sure of mine, then."
"I'd be suspicious if you were."
"What do you want, Shepard? You know things of the future. Still have not asked everything I want to about that," he added as an aside. "You know what I will, can, did do. Not telling me how to think. Not telling me much of anything."
"I've told you what I want. But I can give you a bit more," she said, stepping aside to reach for EDI's interface. "Let me show you what Urdnot Wrex sent me today."
He took in the picture with an inscrutable look on his face, and read the accompanying message in silence. "This," he said, several silent seconds later, "is problematic."
"He forwarded the data he mentions to a private Extranet address of mine. I can give it to you."
He tapped his foot. "What do you want of it?"
"I'll wait for you to tell me."
Mordin exhaled sharply. "Yes. And Maelon? Not leaving him in krogan captivity?"
"I expect he's in Council hands by now. Least they can do, with this out there."
"Why is this out there?"
"My theory: argumentative reasons."
"Ah. Making a statement."
"A serious one."
He locked the terminal up gently, staring at something far away with a conflicted look on his face. "Would like data, Shepard," he said finally. "Read what Maelon did."
"Hopefully he was just in the theorizing stages," Shepard said, nodding. "I'll have it delivered to you."
"Implications of your words unpleasant."
She made a noise of agreement, stepping away from his makeshift lab. "Some things are unpleasant to hear. But necessary."
"About statements," Mordin recalled, obtrusively changing the subject. "Joker mentioned one of yours."
She arched an eyebrow at him, confused. "A statement?"
"Lieutenant Alenko," he said, and since Shepard was well-versed in his personal communicative dictionary, she knew exactly what he was talking about.
All he earned for his troubles was a glare. "Please don't-"
"Aware others enjoying well-meaning teasing. Not my intention."
She didn't think it was. However, she was also not interested in further Opinions on her relationship with Kaidan and adjacent developments. "So?"
He cleared his throat. "Skeptics would decry statement of such nature. Particularly coming from you. Situation unique."
Okay, she was a little amused by this one. "I'm not exactly making that statement for their benefit."
"No," he agreed, "but point stands."
Shepard mulled over her words for a second. "The world could use a little less skepticism."
Mordin didn't look at her, but smiled. "Wish you and your impending cultural rite all the best, Commander Shepard."
She couldn't help it, and laughed at that. "Hell, Mordin – sounds a lot like you've just been given perspective on something."
He paused, looked after her thoughtfully as she left him with those words. She heard him mumble something on her way out.
"It's a journey."
Later, down in the cargo hold and feeling pretty good about Mordin's progress, Shepard was humming under her breath and putting away her weapons, half hidden near the elevator, when something interrupted both her actions and her high spirits rather brusquely.
A locker slammed closed with a little more force than necessary, and she was about to do a one-eighty to find out what that was about when someone beat her to it. "Hey. What's going on?" James asked as though nothing was wrong, opening his own locker. Shepard lingered around the corner anyway, listening carefully behind a shadow.
"Did they tell you?" Ashley asked, voice at once accusatory and indignant.
He raised his hands in surrender, to which she rolled her eyes. "Nope," he said easily. "Not surprised, though. I mean, those two are one hell of a story." He grinned, and from where Shepard was standing, she recognized the glint in his eye and disliked it immediately. "I ever tell you what the first thing that lovesick puppy said to me when I met him?"
Ashley looked appropriately curious at the entertainment in his expression, eyeing him from the corner of her eye and making a poor effort out of hiding affection. It was a coin's toss whether she was oblivious to his diversion tactics or humoring him. "No, you haven't."
He laughed gleefully. Shepard was torn between ardent curiosity and increasing guilt at her eavesdropping sins. "So, I'm bringing Shepard up from her bullshit grounding on Earth because all shit's gone to hell and that's who they turn to for clean-up, right? Reapers, Lond- Earth, you know. And he's just coming out, all full of promotions and responsibility and other such nonsense." He was very much enjoying himself, dragging out the story for maximum impact. He shut his locker and leaned against it, arms crossed, and Ashley mimicked him almost unconsciously, listening raptly. "He's a Major now, which apparently was news, and then he notices Shepard. I swear to God, what followed was the most painfully awkward moment I've ever witnessed." Ashley let out a half-surprised, half-amused sound. "I mean, just painful. Then she leaves and he stares after her, really doesn't look like a Major now. I asked him if he knew her, and his response? 'I used to.'" Shepard decided she shouldn't be listening to this, and did nothing about it.
Ashley winced. "Ouch."
"No, no, you don't understand – he looked so fucking tragic, my first thought was 'what's all this drama about and where can I catch up on the episodes I missed?'" Ashley burst out laughing. "I like my soaps, I'll cop to it."
At this point, as she listened to Ashley's mood improving in real time, previous grievance completely forgotten, Shepard realized James was patently the better choice to handle this particular problem. She shook her head and was about to leave when Ashley mustered enough presence of mind to speak again.
"I'm still annoyed they didn't tell me they're getting married. I thought we were friends."
Shepard winced and decided to stick around a little longer.
"You are. We all are. Doesn't mean they don't like their privacy."
Ashley huffed. "This isn't about privacy, I-"
He interrupted her. "Put it this way – you think you know what goes on behind their locked doors?" He grinned when she made a disgusted noise deep in her throat. "Not that. I mean what they talk about. What they've got in common, what they're hoping out of life and each other, their pillow-talk. That kinda stuff."
Shepard had never heard James be that brazenly sensitive, but Ashley didn't bat an eye. "What's that have to do with telling their friends about the fact that they wanna tie the knot?"
He scratched his chin thoughtfully. "I'm sure they were gonna tell, eventually. Of their own accord. But – there are just things you want to yourself. For a while, at least, some of them. D'you know what I'm talking about?"
Ashley wouldn't look in his direction, preferring to stare at the floor. "No," she mumbled, and Shepard could have sworn she could see a little pink in her cheeks.
"Sure you do. Have you never had conversations one-on-one that you wanna keep to yourself like some selfish gift? Make you smile when you go to sleep?" His tone was peculiar, Shepard decided, and Ashley was definitely squirming now.
"Stop, fine, I get it," she groaned, sliding down to sit on the floor.
He barked out a single 'ha', and dropped down next to her. "I'm just saying, I understand keeping it to themselves. I don't mind, I'm just happy for them."
She sighed exasperatedly. "So am I, I just – I wanted to know, is all."
He shrugged. "It's not about friendship, you know. The fact that they consider you a good friend isn't in question."
Ashley reacted immediately in a way that assured Shepard that was the root of the issue. "I know that. That's not – at all. I know that."
"Hmm." Vega coughed pointedly and she hit his arm. His wince was very real. "Plus, I just think they didn't want to mess with the status quo too much. Know what I mean? Like, it's one thing to know the Lieutenant spends the nights in the Commander's quarters, it's another to start talking about marriage and stuff."
"Is it?" she asked skeptically.
Vega hummed. "Kinda."
Ashley waited a few moments more before working herself up. "You're a little envious of them," she finally said, watching him carefully for his reaction to her words. "Alenko and Shepard."
"Sure," he freely admitted. "Have you looked at the two of them? People that cheesy are definitely having the time of their lives. Who wouldn't want that?"
Ashley laughed, but it rang a little empty. "Suppose so."
"Hey," Vega prodded gently, "you good now?"
Ashley nodded firmly. "Yeah. Sorry about-" She gestured vaguely. "All that."
James snorted, and the chief punched his arm. "Anytime," he added sincerely, and then helped her up after him.
Shepard waited until their backs were turned to her, and silently made her way out of there.
Shepard mentioned Mordin's epiphany to one or three people, doing her best to distract herself from Ashley, and trusted that soon enough everyone part of their unique situation would be made aware the salarian had put two and two together. At this point, it all felt like a party that only Thane wasn't invited to, which was pretty rude. She had no plans to change that, however – 'hey dude, I'm from the future' was still not a sentence she was prepared to utter unprompted.
It somehow made him one of the least stressful individuals to talk to, living his life without expectations as he was. Broken and beaten, but less stressful. It was always a painful thing to remind herself Thane was someone she couldn't save.
It bled into their discussions, somehow, and he didn't need to say it for her to know that he didn't consider 'saving him' to be preventing his death. Only Thane could bring up mortality the same way she could, the kind of feelings that hurt Kaidan and that no one else really understood. She'd forgotten how much she missed it, but she also forgot how hollow it left her afterwards. The one thing that could put thoughts of meaninglessness in her mind.
"But there's meaning in what you do. You've said it before, you find it there," he argued, when she brought it up, on their way to the Citadel. She'd made Thane's niche in life support her safe haven while everyone else gossiped about her relationship, at least temporarily.
"Doesn't mean I'm not affected by anything. It doesn't make me unswayable. Everyone has moments of weakness."
"That's true," he conceded, interested. "Those moments are important, however. I would have never emerged from my battle sleep without them. Or gone into it either, for that matter."
"Important," she agreed, "but not good?"
"There are always benefits in being able to bend without breaking."
"Sometimes it comes a little too close. Can't tell them apart."
He leaned back, mulling over that. "Perhaps it can't be helped," he acknowledged.
"Can't it? Is that really how we're meant to live our lives? Doubt and uncertainty and dodging failures at every turn?"
"You don't dodge too many failures, Shepard," he pointed out. "Still, that's why holding onto certainties when you find them is so important."
"I get that."
"You would," he said with a smile. "Liara told me something interesting."
"I came here so I wouldn't have to hear it," she warned immediately, "so shut up."
He started laughing at the order. "I am the last person to make light of it, trust me. I understand."
Right. One of the exactly two people she knew closely who'd ever been married. Now it was almost worrisome to await his opinion. "Any chance we can leave it at that?"
"Of course we can," he replied, and then outstandingly changed the subject. "I read the publication you recommended."
"About the effects of biotic discharge on different tissues?"
"Yes. The author has no grasp of basic entropy laws, let alone how to apply them to the diverse constitutions of different species' skin. Or hair, in others' case."
"Kaidan thought so. He said the conclusions were solid, though. Apart from human hair, which he said the author had definitely never been near."
"They're solid as much as an observation that fire burns is solid. There is nothing enlightening about it."
Shepard was now grinning. "So what you're saying is it will annoy Liara."
"Very much."
"Thanks for your help."
"Is there a particular reason you want to annoy the Shadow Broker?"
"Testing boundaries and recklessness?"
"I don't understand the divide between the two extremes of your conversational spectrum," he noted.
"Need to establish balance, Thane. Gotta have a balance."
He was uninterested in pursuing the dialogue thread after that.
Joker had them dock at the Citadel shortly after, where she allowed no one shore leave, considering the kind of business she was there for. Nothing short of absolute professionalism would serve her, because forcefully relieving someone of power never went smoothly. One drunken report of someone on her crew stripping down to their civvies and being taken seriously would become twice as hard.
That made for a real problem in choosing squadmates. Which she didn't say out loud out of sensitivity. In the end, however, it wasn't much of her choice.
"I hope you weren't thinking of paying our ambassador a visit without me, Commander," Ashley piped up out of nowhere, fully geared up and ready to deploy. "I hate corrupt politicians."
"Wouldn't dream of it." A pause in hesitation. "We all good, Ash?" Shepard asked cautiously.
Ashley offered a small, genuine smile in return. "Course we are, Skipper. Come on. Let's go nail Udina's ass."
"I really hope that's not literal," James called, standing a few steps to the side like he'd been overtly eavesdropping.
He went ignored when Kaidan made his appearance, very invested in personally escorting the ambassador to the darkest, dirtiest C-SEC cell, in retaliation for future-past events. These types of personal investments were the kind of thing a commanding officer was supposed to manage and avoid, but at this point in her career, Shepard was a lost cause in that particular regard.
"Alright, let's cause some political turmoil."
Udina was a goddamn pain in the ass. The fact that Shepard unceremoniously handed the head of one of her own species' most popular ambassadors to the Council on a silver plater so readily, however, was met with approval and respect, particularly by Sparatus. Shepard was quickly warming up to the turian councilor more than she ever thought she would, especially in comparison to the others – apart from Anderson, of course. No one seemed more surprised by this than Sparatus himself.
"You have an integrity I sometimes find lacking even in myself," he admitted.
"Well, points for self-awareness, I guess."
That made him laugh. "That's what I mean. You'll pull diplomacy out of nowhere when you need it, but you're honest. You're diplomatically honest," he quipped, and she snorted. "That's an interesting skill for a soldier," he said, voice peculiar.
"Eh, it's served me well." She shrugged evasively, and wandered over to her own councilor, who was waiting not-so-patiently for a word.
Anderson had other things on his mind apart from her relationship with his colleagues. He arched an eyebrow when everyone else was out of earshot, and she needed no further prompting to rattle off her debrief.
"And you came across this incriminating information-" Anderson cleared his throat lightly, and raised his voice so he could be heard over the sounds of the former ambassador kicking and screaming about witch hunts and character assassination, "-by arresting the Illusive Man?"
"I did do that."
Anderson stared at her in silence for several moments. "You just – showed up and shot up his headquarters."
"Yup."
"To his complete surprise."
"That's right."
"And you were successful?"
"Duh."
She hid a smile when a ticked-off expression flitted across his face for a moment. "How?"
"Miranda Lawson. She's a former Cerberus operative who provided the internal instability needed for the plan to succeed."
"Uh-huh, so let me get this straight," he began slowly, pinching the bridge of his nose. "You somehow developed a relationship with a high-ranking Cerberus operative – so high-ranking, in fact, that she was easily able to get directly at the Illusive Man's heart – and were able to perform this stunt with the man himself being none the wiser."
"It may have been a combination of luck, circumstances, and privileged information."
He shook his head firmly. "No, I don't want to know. While the Council's happy, I'm happy. Not about to tell you off for taking down a terrorist organization either. Well done," he complimented, but with the dry tone of someone who was fed up with the theatrics of pretending not to see the strings Shepard kept tugging and pulling behind ethically nuanced scenes. She saluted just as drily, and he returned it with a glare for her troubles. "And about the Illusive Man, by the way – I hear you brought him in alive."
"There's no need for the surprise in your tone, thanks."
His response was to grin slightly. "Is there something you want out of him?" he pressed anyway, undeterred. "Think we can use him to-?"
"No. And whatever he says, don't let him near anything war-related," Shepard said immediately, the sharpness in her expression taking Anderson by surprise. "Sorry," she continued, softening, "it's just that if I were to give you a list of people I consider susceptible to indoctrination, he'd be right up there, all the way at the top. With Udina," she added as an afterthought.
"Can you give me a list like that?" he asked, deliberately retaining the wrong point from her words.
She was unimpressed. "Afraid not. I wish."
"Don't worry, Shepard. I'll make sure he has twenty-four-hour supervision."
This was also her opportunity to finally meet the quarian councilor, a shiny new addition that Shepard was unduly proud of. It was emphatically not her achievement, but the hand she had in it was still a pleasant thought to entertain.
As soon as the quarian in question opened her mouth, however, Shepard's focus was diverted by recognition. "Commander Shepard," the councilor greeted with a smile. "I'm glad to speak in person at last. I trust Tali'Zorah vas Normandy is well?"
"She's great," Shepard replied in surprise. "It's good to meet you as well, Captain. Councilor," she corrected. "I'm afraid I didn't catch your name when we last spoke. If I recall correctly, we were both engaged in more pressing matters at the time."
The quarian started laughing. "Quite so. You were yelling at me over my martyr tendencies, I believe. All's well that ends well, however, so now that Sovereign is dead, allow me a proper introduction. I am Mel'Vae nar Tonbay," she said, nodding slightly. "I was recommended by Tali for this position, and after my initiative during the battle at the Citadel, the Admiralty Board had no objections."
"Congratulations," Shepard offered respectfully. "I look forward to working with you."
"And I you. Thank you. Your reputation precedes you, of course. It will be remarkable to watch you work from a vantage point."
Shepard had once given up on the idea she'd ever be on warm terms with the Council, but as far as she could tell, she was at least a solid three out of five at this point. And it wasn't like the other two were anything short of pleasantly neutral. This was the kind of significant progress that brightened her mood for the entire day.
"You're looking pleased about something," Kaidan noted, later, reading something on a datapad on her couch. "Did you really bear Udina that much of a grudge?"
"Yes," she stated unequivocally, sparing him only a glance. "I'd say I'm happy at how well the mission is progressing, but I don't wanna jinx it."
"Doesn't saying that count as a jinx?"
"Be quiet."
He grinned, amused. "You know, I'd thought you might be a little irritated today, because of- well, everyone talking about us."
"I'm pretty sure they've known 'about us' for a while now."
"You know what I mean, Shepard."
She shook her head, smile becoming only a little smaller. "It's alright. It's not so bad. Better for them to talk about something good for a change."
"Fair enough," he conceded, one corner of his mouth pulled up. "Although – you seemed a bit tense with Ash earlier. What was that about?"
Shepard hesitated. "It's nothing. She's worked it out of her system."
"Really?" he asked, clearly paying attention to more than her dismissiveness.
"It was just – a little self-doubt. I think."
"Did you talk to her?"
"Vega did." She gave it a moment's pause. "He and Ashley are getting pretty close." Her tone was cautious.
Kaidan finally put down the datapad he'd been ignoring for a while. "Noticed that too," he agreed. "Wanna devise some payback for all the crap they both gave us?"
A grin flitted across her features briefly, and went over to sit beside him on the couch. "Tempting, but no. Think I should have a word with them?" she wondered uneasily.
He snuck an arm around her shoulders. "Considering our present circumstances, that'd be pretty hypocritical. They wouldn't shy away from telling you that, either."
"That's why I'm asking. Wasn't saying I'd reprimand them anyway. It's just that they're – volatile people," she settled on. Kaidan snorted at the underwhelming choice of words, and she slapped his arm for it. "People that could maybe use some guidance."
"From you?"
"Are you volunteering?"
"Hell no."
"There's your answer."
"What if you just let them come to you instead?"
She was skeptical. "You think they will?"
"Doesn't everyone?" He shrugged.
"Maybe. Probably. Fine, yes. Can't wait."
