Chapter Twenty-Two: I Don't Guava Clue

**warnings for this chapter: Jasper has less than bright thoughts and there is going to be somewhat explicit scenes of self harm from here on out. Not too bad but i don't want anyone being uncomfortable so skip those parts if you must. Please don't force yourself if you know it will make you uneasy!**

Octavia shook her head to clear her thoughts.

She was fighting him right now; she shouldn't be focusing on his arms! His perfectly sculpted muscle, his smooth dark skin, not to mention his chest and stomach which were flawless—no!

Octavia smacked her cheeks with the heel of her hand softly and refocused her eyes onto Lincoln's stance; he was turned so that his right side was facing her, leaving his left side exposed for the time being. After sparring with him consistently, Octavia knew that he could easily maneuver in a way that would protect himself from her barrages. She needed to use her small size to her advantage.

"You're sure taking your time today," Lincoln taunted with a teasing smile

Octavia bounced on her feet, making sure to keep up the momentum she would need in a moment. "It's better to be calculating than reckless," she responded, knowing he would recognize the words that he told her the first day of their training.

Lincoln cracked a grin. "I've noticed that you've—"

Octavia didn't give him time to finish because she used his distraction to her advantage; she ran towards him, feigning a kick to which he moved to block, but at the last second she ducked and rolled between his legs. In a fluid motion, she rolled to her feet and kicked Lincoln squarely in the back, sending him sprawling across the floor and out of the marked off area.

Octavia smirked at Lincoln's dropped jaw as he rolled over onto his back. This wasn't the first time she had won in a sparring match against him, but it was the first time she had managed to outsmart him opposed to wearing down his stamina.

"Not bad," he conceded, accepting her outstretched hand with a proud smile.

Octavia smirked at him playfully again, but inside she was elated. She would do anything and everything as long as Lincoln would always smile at her proudly. "I knew you could easily switch your defences if I rushed in too hastily," she said breathily, "so I tried using my head for once."

Lincoln laughed, then kissed her on the head. He was slimy from sweat, but Octavia was mostly indifferent to it by now. "That's my girl."

Together they easily made their way off the mat to where Gaia was waiting for them. "You two looked like you were having a good workout," she commented, setting her book aside. She reached around the bleacher step she was sitting on and pulled out two water bottles. "I think you could use these."

"Thanks." Lincoln passed Octavia one of the water bottles which she downed quickly.

Wiping her mouth, Octavia sat down on the step beside Gaia. "Why don't you ever try going out there? It's fun."

Gaia laughed scornfully. "Rolling around on top of sweaty strangers while wearing that?" She gestured to Octavia's short shorts and sports bra, both of which were damp with sweat. "No thanks. I'd much rather enjoy my book."

Octavia tossed her gloves next to her feet. "Just find someone who will consistently be your partner. Then they won't be a stranger anymore would they?"

"Ah," Gaia flipped her book open to a random page, but Octavia could tell that she wasn't actually reading, "but that would still entail meeting someone and dealing with their sweaty body touching mine. I'm way to dignified for such barbarous activities."

Lincoln huffed lowly, leaning his arm on Octavia's head good naturedly. "I wouldn't waste any time trying to convince her. Lord know how hard my aunt has been trying to get her to do it."

"Fifteen years and counting," Gaia muttered. "But speaking of my mom, I think she really likes you. Or at least, impressed."

Octavia blinked, an incredulous laugh escaping her mouth. "Me?"

Gaia rolled her eyes, snapping her book closed again. "No, the pigeon in the rafters. Of course you!"

Octavia glanced over to where Indra was instructing a trio of adult men who looked scared shitless in her presence. She wasn't gonna lie; Octavia was highly intimidated by Indra, but it wasn't because she was scared of her. It was because she had an unfathomable amount of respect for her.

"All I'm saying," Gaia continued, "is don't be surprised if she asks you to fight in the Conclave Tournament this year."

Octavia's heart just about dropped to her stomach in both shock and excitement. "If you're pulling my leg right now Gaia, I swear to —"

"—I'm not!" Gaia cracked one of her rare smiles. "I don't have a sense of humor, remember? But that's the rumor going around my apartment."

She whipped around at Lincoln who had a knowing smile on his lips. "Don't tell me you knew about this too!"

Lincoln laughed, sitting on the step beside her. "I'll admit, I may have been holding out on you."

Octavia resisted the urge to hyperventilate, because passing out over some news would be a poor impression on Indra after having received such a high compliment. Ever since Octavia had started dating Lincoln and attending the dojo, the Conclave had become her obsession.

It consisted of three rounds: Preliminary, Semi-Finals, and Finals. Only the best of the best were asked by their sensei to represent their school since only three participant were allowed on the behalf of each school. Octavia couldn't even fathom as to why she would be one of Indra's top picks for such a position considering she was such a newbie.

"This has to be a joke, right? Or maybe you heard wrong?" She propped her face on her knees. "I'm just an orange belts guys. Why would she have me up there when she could have Anya who's a black belt, or better yet, Lexa who is a double black belt!"

"I see you've been informed of my current decision." Indra's voice made startled Octavia, her heartbeat quickening. Indra shot Gaia a look before turning to Octavia. Octavia made sure to put on her bravest face. "So what do you say? Will you fight for Trigeda Dojo?"

Octavia swallowed. "Are you sure you want me? I'm not trained like the others or—"

"—Do you think," Indra interjected sharply, "that I would ask if I wasn't sure about you?" Octavia shook her head mutely. "You may not be on the level as some of my other students, but you have the spirit of a fighter. One that reminds me of myself. The Conclave isn't for several more months and should you choose to accept my offer, you will be on par with Lexa by the time you will compete."

Octavia nodded slowly. "That...would be amazing, Indra."

Indra snorted, but Octavia had come to learn that it was mostly a sign of endearment. "Don't rush yourself in making the decision; I wasn't going to bring it up for another few weeks," she glared at Gaia again, but the fifteen year old was too absorbed in her book to notice, "but clearly what's done is done. I hope to have your answer soon in order to start your training early should you say yes."

Indra nodded once more at Octavia, then at Lincoln before gliding in a terrifyingly elegant way back to the three men she had been monitoring earlier. "Woah," Octavia breathed through a little smile.

"So?" Lincoln clasped her hand with his. "What do you think?"

"Obviously I'd love to," she said, "but I feel like I'm not the best choice since I'm so new. Even with crash course training with Indra probably won't be enough to get me ready to go up against some of the best fighters in our area. Not to mention my brother wonders about where I run off to enough; if I have to start making up more excuses for longer practice hours, he's gonna find me out."

"Well, that's an easy fix you idiot." Gaia smiled, lacing her fingers under her chin. The fake cheerfulness was such a foreign look on her face that Octavia thought she was looking at a demon. "Just tell Bellamy the truth."

Yep. Demon.

"Do you know how bad that would be?"

"Why?" Gaia prodded. "Is he racist?"

Octavia's grip on Lincoln's hand tightened. "No, thank God," she said. "But he is prejudiced. He thinks that TriKru Academy kids are bad news and he'd never approve of me and Lincoln."

"Would your mom care?" Gaia asked.

"No, but she's hardly around since she works so much. Bellamy is the one who is always breathing down my neck."

"You know, I've been thinking about the situation too, Octavia," Lincoln started, "and I went along with the keeping our relationship a secret thing out of respect for your wishes, but I don't want to keep it as a secret from your family anymore."

Octavia tried not to get angry, but the bubble of wrath had already started to gurgle in the pit of her stomach. "Did you not just hear a single word I said, Lincoln? He's a prejudiced bastard who wouldn't let us be together and he'd probably make me quit martial arts just to keep me away from you."

"Aren't you being a little prideful in your views of your brother?" Lincoln gave her his serious face, something that didn't come out too often. "We're all just people and if he sees that I'm not as bad as he thinks I'm supposed to be, then we'll get along just fine. Raven and Finn were originally from TriKru and from what I've seen, your brother seems to get along with them just fine so why would it be any different?"

"Raven maybe, but Finn not so much," she murmured more to herself. Lincoln gave her a quizzical head cock to the side. Octavia cleared her throat and said, "You're my boyfriend. That's why he wouldn't get along with you."

Lincoln smiled, giving her a big kiss on the cheek. "Good. Now that that's all sorted out, how about we go get some smoothies?" He stood up, holding out his hand to help her up.

Octavia was dumbfounded. "What the hell do you mean we've got this all sorted out?" She reached for his hand to pull him back down but he hoisted her up effortlessly.

"You said he wouldn't like me because I'm a Grounder and not a Delinquent. But then you said he wouldn't like me because I'm your boyfriend. There's a difference."

"What? No there's not. He's just a prick."

"If he didn't like me because I'm from TriKru, he would be prejudiced, but obviously that isn't the case because he gets along with Finn and Raven. From what I've gathered from the things you've told me about your brother, he's a people person despite the rough persona he puts up. And him not liking me because I'm your boyfriend doesn't make him a prick—it makes him an older brother."

Octavia sighed loudly in defeat. "Why are you defending him?"

Lincoln grinned. "I can see where he's coming from. Since Gaia doesn't have any brothers, you'd better believe I ain't letting anyone date her until I've given them my approval which is hard to get. Brothers are like that."

"Good thing I don't need a man in my life," Gaia huffed, "other than Jay Gatsby and Fitzwilliam Darcy of course."

Octavia frowned. "Fine. Whatever. You win. We'll tell my family...soon. Just until I can find a way to tell Bellamy about the Conclave?"

Lincoln cupped her face with both hands and kissed her on the nose. "Deal. Now can we go get some smoothies? I'm starving."

After changing out of their sportswear and ten unsuccessful minutes of trying to convince Gaia to join them on their outing, Lincoln and Octavia left the dojo. Downtown was pretty nice today; the weather was overcast so not too many people were out making a fuss like normal. She hoped the walk would be uneventful...which of course meant that it would be the exact opposite.

"What are you doing after this?" Octava asked, swinging their entwined hands back and forth.

"I don't guava clue."

"Yeah, me neither. I think I might study for my—" she stopped short once the pun sank in. "Oh no, was that a pun?"

Lincoln grinned. "I had a peeling you would catch on quickly."

"Why the fruit puns? Is it because we're getting smoothies? I swear, these are worse than your dad jokes."

"Woah," Lincoln feigned seriousness, "don't take me or my puns for pomegranate."

A few bad puns later, they were stuck in a downpour. Despite quickly diving under an overhang in front of one of the shops, they were still drenched to the bone. "Unfortunately, I don't have a pun for this," he said, wrapping his arms around Octavia's neck from behind and setting his chin on top of her head.

"Don't worry," she said, "I'm sure one will come to you."

"Octavia?" Lincoln murmured. She was pretty sure he was going to give another terrible pun, so it freaked her out when he said, "Isn't that Bellamy's car?"

Well, just her luck. It certainly was her brother's car. She had told him she was going to Fox's house! What was he doing out here on a Saturday afternoon? Wasn't he supposed to be with Clarke? Octavia tipped her face down so that it was level with the ground.

Maybe he wouldn't see them and keep on driving. It was raining pretty hard after all.

"He's pulling over," Lincoln informed her.

"What?" Octavia looked up to see Bellamy's car parked so up high on the curb that the front wheel was nearly touching the sidewalk. The window was rolled all the way down on the passenger's side. Clarke was with him.

"Octavia Marie Blake!" His voice carried and he sounded angry, not that his facial expression wouldn't have been an indicator. He looked like he could murder a person. "You'd better get in this car and explain yourself."

At that moment, Octavia realized the best decision would have been to do as he said and explain the situation just like Lincoln and Gaia had advised her to do just earlier in the day. Unfortunately, Octavia didn't feel like dealing with that at this time and did the next best thing she could think of since it was raining and Bellamy was parked illegally: she grabbed Lincoln's wrist and ran in the opposite direction.

She heard the car's horn honk and muffled cursing for a split second, but then they were too far down the street to hear anything other than the rain hitting the concrete. "We can run to the mall!" she panted, pulling his down one of the side streets. "I used to ride my bike there! It's not too far!"

"This is exactly the opposite of what I suggested today!" Lincoln groaned. "If you thought your brother was gonna hate me before, he's really gonna hate me now! And to think, we could have made things go more smoothly."

"Not another pun out of you mister!"

When Raven shuffled into the hardware shop, the guy from school the other day was the last person she expected to see. And despite the awkward note they had left off on, she somehow couldn't stop herself from approaching him.

"You're that kid from the other day." She alighted next to Monty who was sifting through a bin of screws.

He glanced up at her, his expression more friendly than it was when she first met him in the workroom at school. "And you're that girl who got huffy about the wrench."

Raven rolled her eyes. "Can we move past that?"

Monty plunged his hand back into the barrel of bolts and continued his sifting. "If you insist. I'm a little busy with a project right now though."

Raven crouched down next to the barrel. "That's...partially what I wanted to ask you about. The robot you were working on the other day is really impressive. What's it for?"

Monty pricked the tip of his finger on accident. "Ouch," he hissed, pulling his hand back for a moment. "It's for the robotics tournament that's being held. My friend entered us in it as partners but he flaked out on me. I still haven't talked to him since he blew me off the last time so I've been doing everything myself."

Raven blinked, a small smile spreading on her face. Sure it sucked that his friend bailed on him, but Raven was highly familiar with this competition; ever since seventh grade, her and her friend Wick had entered and made it to Nationals every year, even coming in first place sophomore year. She had to opt out of the competition junior year when she moved to Maine, which bummed her out, but maybe she could make it back with Monty...

A bubble of excitement burst in her stomach at the prospect of engineering another winning invention. She hadn't even realized how much she missed the thrill of competition until he had mentioned it.

"What are you smiling about?" Monty's suspicious side glance snapped Raven out of her stupor.

"Ah, sorry," she shook her head, then fixed a determined look towards Monty. "So I was thinking; you don't have a teammate, and I am highly acquainted with this competition and what the judges are looking for."

"You want to team up? Sure."

"Wait, at least hear me out first. Between you and me—what?" Raven stopped short. "You mean you're agreeing with me that easily?"

Monty chuckled darkly. "On top of Jasper basically abandoning me to do this by myself, I only happen to be average at these kinds of things but my pride keeps me from dropping out of it completely. Of course I'm going to agree to you as a partner."

"Good." Raven rocked back on her heels. She wanted to mention how she had taken him up on his advice, but how should she bring it up without it being weird?

Monty's eyes flicked to her face. "What is it?"

Raven frowned. "What's what?"

"Come on, out with it. If we're going to be partners, let's start being honest right now."

Raven made a mental note to not piss this guy off seeing how he seemed to read minds. "I just wanted to thank you for the...advice you gave me the other day regarding Clarke."

At the mention of Clarke's name, Monty instantly stopped his search through the barrel and perked up. It was like she had just revealed the cure to cancer or promised him a free meal. Did he have a crush on her or something?

"So you forgave her, huh?" he asked.

Raven was still hung up on the possibility that Monty might have a crush on Clarke. "Uh, um what?" He repeated the question. "Yes, I did, sir. And I feel alot...better."

"Good. I'm glad I got through to you." Monty nearly growled at the barrel. "If only I could get through to Jasper that easily."

Suddenly, Raven made a connection. "Is the Jasper you're talking about Clarke's brother by any chance? He has dark wavy hair and had a light blue jacket he wears a lot?"

Monty shifted, and Raven knew she had hit the nail on the head. "Why do you ask?"

Raven pursed her lips, running her hands through the barrel of bolts. "I'd break that radio silence with that friend of yours if I were you. I've seen him meet up with Echo a few times and she's notorious for bad news."

"What kind of bad news?" His voice was strained.

Raven wasn't sure how to answer that so she didn't.

No one was in the house except for him when Jasper locked himself in the bathroom with a steak knife.

He wasn't really sure what possessed him to try it out; he had heard from some of the other people he had started hanging out with that making the emotional pain physical helped them cope. Jasper figured that he was overflowing with compartmentalized pain so relieving it might be worth a try.

Besides, it's not like his body served much purpose to him at this point anyway. He barely slept. He had stopped eating almost all together except for when Abby or his dad were home for dinner and forced him to. The drugs he'd started using put his mind at ease but he could feel the negative effects on the rest of his body. Like he said, a few scars weren't anything at this point.

Jasper shed his sweatshirt, then rolled up his sleeves. He hadn't looked at his reflection in the mirror in a while; his eyes were sunken and his face thin. His hair was longer than he usually allowed it to be as well.

His eyes drifted from the face he loathed so much to the steak knife setting on the counter. The jagged teeth were giving him some doubts. He didn't want to ground himself like meat so much as he wanted a clean cut that was barely noticeable.

Abandoning the knife idea, he scrounged around in his side of the medicine cabinet until he found a fresh razor blade. The first one didn't hurt, but the sight of his own blood made him uneasy. He moved to the second wrist, but this one pinched, bringing tears to his eyes.

He was about to make a third mark when pounding on the door startled him so bad he dropped the blade into the toilet. Instantly his heart rate increased and panic took hold of him. He was in a locked bathroom with his own blood on the floor and counter.

"Jasper?" It was Clarke's voice. What the fuck was she doing home already?

Despite his angry inner thoughts, his voice was still shaky. "W-what do you want?"

"Monty is coming over for some video games and pizza," she shouted through the door.

Jasper hissed at the red stains on the tile. "I'm a little busy. I don't want to see him."

"Jasper, come on. We haven't had one of out nights since before homecoming. So finish up your business and then come on out."

He didn't breath until he heard Clarke's footsteps recede down the hallway. Pressing his palms against the counter, Jasper inhaled deeply before cleaning up the bathroom and wrapping his arms up in gauze bandages. Fortunately he did them far enough up his arm that his sweatshirt would cover them up.

He almost forgot about the razor in the toilet, but at the last minute he decided to flush it and hope for the best. He didn't feel like sticking his arm into the toilet, no matter how bad he felt about himself.

Monty was already in his bedroom when he finally emerged from the bedroom. It was the first Monty had been over since the Octavia incident. "Hi," Jasper greeted dully.

Monty, who had been hugging one of Jasper's pillows to his chest, turned toward him almost aggressively at the sound of his voice. "Jasper!" He jumped up and nearly sprinted to him.

Jasper stood numbly, unsure of how to respond which was probably not the best idea since Monty's already concerned expression faltered even more if that were possible. "You look," Monty struggled for the right word, probably not to offend him Jasper guessed, "tired. Have you been sleeping alright?"

Jasper shrugged. "You haven't cared for the last three weeks so what's different now?"

Monty looked ashamed. "You're right, I haven't been the most attentive lately, but I'm here now."

Jasper snorted, moving past him and crashing onto his bed. "Where's Clarke? I thought she was going to hang out with us?"

Monty sat next to him, and Jasper resisted the urge to roll over. He wondered when this anger towards his friend as well as himself started. "She'll be here shortly. She said she's gonna make some popcorn, but I think she's also waiting for a call from Bellamy," Monty said.

Jasper nodded.

Monty turned toward him. Jasper felt like he was going to melt from the inside out from how intense the stare was. "Jasper," Monty broke the silence after several minutes, "if there was something bothering you, you would tell me right?"

Jasper stiffened, but he pretended like nothing had happened. "What makes you say that?"

"Raven Reyes from the senior class—"

"—I know who she is."

Monty paused. "She said that she saw you hanging out with some girl named Echo? I guess she's bad news. She got kicked out of TriKru for doing and distributing drugs."

"Mhm," Jasper murmured in agreement. It was hard to not crack a giggle. "She does sound like bad news. Good thing I don't know who you're talking about."

Monty didn't look convinced. "Are you sure? She was pretty sure it —"

"—who're you going to believe?" Jasper snapped, sitting up quickly. Ooh, that stung his arms. "Her," he said through gritted teeth, "or me? Your best friend?"

Monty dropped the subject, still looking dejected. Jasper hoped that that was the end of the conversation, but Monty murmured, "We should go do something together one of these days."

Jasper exhaled deeply. "Yeah, fine."

The screaming match Bellamy had with Octavia when she finally returned home, in a way, put him at ease as crazy as that seemed.

At least if she had screamed at him and stormed to her room, it meant that she was safe in the house and not gallivanting out there with only God knew who.

Everything about today just seemed terrible in Bellamy's mind when he replayed it back; first this morning where those dumb Mount Weather kids made Clarke uncomfortable, Octavia taking off, getting hit with an extra shift at his job and having to put off searching for his sister, waiting up until midnight for his sister to get home and then having a screaming match that easily woke up all of their neighbors.

All Bellamy really wanted to do at this point was go to bed, but Murphy was currently passed out in his room after staying up waiting for Octavia with him for several hours on top of searching for her. Collapsing on the couch, Bellamy felt his muscles relax until he felt like he wouldn't move again in his life.

His phone setting on the table reminded him that he promised to call Clarke when he finally found Octavia; she couldn't be awake at this time right? It was nearly two in the morning. In fact, his mom would be getting back from her shift soon.

Bellamy almost decided to save it until morning but he knew that had the situation been reversed, he would had stayed up however late it took to make sure he didn't miss the call. For some reason he had an inkling suspicion that Clarke might be the same way.

After two long minutes of internal dilemma, he finally ringed her number. If she answered, then she did. If she didn't, she didn't.

It only rang three times before her voice appeared on the other end. "You did call."

Bellamy could feel his cheeks heating up. Thank God she couldn't see him. The sound of relief in her voice was too much for him. "Sorry it's so late."

She yawned on the other end. "No it's okay. I dozed for a little bit earlier, but I've been reading to keep myself up."

"You didn't have to do that." Once again, he was relieved that she couldn't see him because his face felt like it was on fire.

"Don't worry about it. How's Octavia?"

He snorted. "She's fine. More rebellious than I remember, I guess. It's the first time I really noticed how heavy her makeup has become to. It's like I don't even know her anymore. It's my fault really."

She was quiet on the other end for a second before she sighed deeply. "Unfortunately, I know what you mean. Jasper has been...different too. He spends all of his time in his room. He won't go out with his friends or go with me out to eat anymore. It's strange and it worries me."

"It's weird to drift away from my sister," he admitted. "I've been taking care of her since forever."

"I guess it's inevitable for them to grow up to a point where our guidance is less than wanted. As long as we're always there to offer our help...then it will have to be good enough."

Bellamy hummed his agreement into the phone as he stretched his legs out. "What are you doing?"

Clarke hummed a small laugh. "I'm in bed with a book. You?"

Bellamy chuckled. "I'm on the couch. Murphy is crashed out in my room. He was helping me look for O earlier."

"That sounds like a less than desirable situation."

"Could be worse."

"I suppose. Oh, I can hear the rain starting up again. It's pittering on my roof."

"You used the word pittering to describe the rain?" he laughed.

Clarke sounded mildly flustered on the other end. "What word would you use then?"

"Pattering. Obviously."

"Obviously," she laughed. "Ugh, I have a headache."

"It's not from being caught in the rain today is it?"

"Probably not. I don't get sick that easily."

"You were in the rain in a lightweight shirt in the middle of November."

"I'll be fine."

"You should still get some sleep," he murmured. "I'll talk to you in the morning. Goodnight."

"Thank you, Bellamy. I'm glad you found Octavia."

"Take care, Clarke."

The line went dead and Bellamy tossed his phone onto the coffee table. He figured that the warm feeling in his chest would have died away by the time he turned off all of the lights in the living room, got a blanket, and laid back down but he was wrong.

If anything, the blossom of warmth had only grown.

...

soooo...i finally got caught up in season four. i died. like what the fuck jason. why did he do what we all know he did to our fav goggle boy but i will not state explicitly because im still in denial.

this is also currently unedited. ill fix it tomorrow.

also brace yourselves for more bellarke folks. and drama. the plot of this story keeps going to new levels as more ideas pop into my head.

okay. this author's note is long enough. see you next chapter!

7/29/17