Chapter Twenty-Three: When Shit Hits The Fan

He floated like a ghost down the hallway, mind blank and eyes barely blinking.

It was early morning, but Jasper wasn't sure what time it really was. Clarke was still asleep at her desk in her room and his parents were already out of the house for work.

His body moved for him, like something in the back of his brain was subconsciously controlling his legs. Everything felt miles away and Jasper didn't even remember opening the door to the bedroom. Instead, he drifted to his father's closet where he knew her picture was.

The box was in the same place it had been for the last four years; pushed up against the wall in the far right corner, shielded by shoe boxes and other miscellaneous junk accumulated over the years. Jasper sunk down to his knees, crawling under the clothes above him just enough so that he could slide the box out.

Without any hesitation, he gently removed the lid and set it next to him and picked up the frame that was so carefully preserved.

Jasper was almost a replica of his mother; dark wavy hair, high cheekbones, and tender eyes that made people feel safe. Jasper ran his thumb along the outline of his mother's face.

He hated her.

He hated that he looked like her.

He hated that he wasn't good enough to be her son.

Jasper couldn't recall too much from his early childhood, but he would never be able to forget his mom and the hours they spent together. The times she took him to the lake to build sandcastles, the playground for the swirly slide, and grocery shopping for dinner. He could remember late nights where they would color until his dad would get home with a gift for the both of them.

Jasper explicitly remembered having a nightmare not long after his fourth birthday; his mother stayed by his side all night, humming a sweet today tune to help him sleep and ran her fingers through his hair.

Jasper clenched the picture frame in his fists hard enough for the glass to crack. It was the summer after his sixth birthday that she packed her bags and left. He returned home from school on the first Friday of his first grade year to his father looking defeated. All of his mother's belongings were gone.

And just like that, Jasper was motherless.

He growled at the picture in his lap, ignoring the tears that splashed at the glass. His hands trembled, irritating the open flesh of the new cuts that decorated his arms. Why did his dad even keep her picture? Tucked in the back of the closet like some lost, but not forgotten memory?

Why did Jasper cling to it? He despised this woman with every fiber of his being and yet he couldn't bring himself to stop staring at the picture. He wanted to burn it but also cherish it. She was so selfish! What had Jasper done to warrant abandonment?

The stray tears morphed into heavy sobs. "Mom...?" He rocked back on his knees, "Why did you leave me? What did I do wrong? I hate you!"

His cries heightened in volume and intensity for several minutes until his throat was sore. His ears felt like they were ringing and it was hard to breath. "Mom," he murmured, falling forward.

His face skimmed the carpet and he rolled onto his side, clutching the picture frame to his chest as he lay. He was going to burn it, he promised himself. One of these days he was going to burn it...

Jasper wasn't sure how long he was curled up on the floor before he finally pushed himself up, placed the picture frame back into the box with the top, and shoved it back into the corner of the closet. It was still dark out so not too much time should have passed. He peeked in on Clarke again as he passed her room; she was still asleep but must have woken up at some point because she was now in her bed, legs tangled in her blankets.

He was about to move on along down the hallway to his own room when her phone lit up and a shrill ding filled the room. He wondered who that could be at this time of morning.

Jasper's heart rate increased slightly, his body fully aware of what he was about to do before his brain could make the decision. Jasper had always been a bit of a snoop, but these days he preferred to act on it than wonder about theoretical possibilities.

He started off by stepping lightly on the floor, but gave up when he realized Clarke was out cold and not waking up. He picked up her phone at her nightstand and unlocked it.

The latest text message was from Harper;

5:03 a.m.

You're probably not awake yet but

Fallout Boy has just released their new tour dates!

Text me back as soon as you get this!

Harper.

Jasper rolled his eyes. He scrolled further up to to see if anything else in the conversation was interesting, but most of it was school and club related with the occasional band talk. That wasn't worth the snooping at all.

He clicked back and opened up to Clarke's list of latest conversations. The first one was from Bellamy.

Yesterday, 10:05pm

Have you found her yet?

Clarke.

Yesterday, 10:09pm

No. I got called into work for the last five hours so

Murphy and Miller had to go out and look for her for me.

Miller had to stop after two to babysit his sister. Murphy stayed out until

my shift ended. Currently we're playing scrabble while we wait up for her.

Bellamy.

Yesterday, 10:11pm

Murphy playing Scrabble sounds like a sight to behold.

I'm sure she's okay though Bellamy.

Clarke.

Yesterday, 10:13pm

I'm not worried if she's okay or not because I'm sure

she is too. I'm worried if she'll even bother coming back home

tonight.

Bellamy.

Yesterday, 10:14pm

She's just frustrated right now and it's going to pass.

She'll come back home.

Give me a call when she does okay?

Clarke.

Yesterday, 10: 15pm

I will.

Bellamy.

Jasper snorted. So Octavia was missing last night?

A big part of him wanted to be happy that something bad enough had happened to where she ran away, but the tiny part of him that still loved her kept him from feeling smug about it. It was that small piece of him that hasn't been completely corrupted by self-loathing quite yet.

Clicking back to the list of people Clarke was talking to, Jasper was slightly appalled at how many unread messages his sister had. For being such a Type A, he would have thought that Clarke would have kept her inbox relatively clean. Most of them were from other senior's whose names sounded only vaguely familiar, but Jasper stopped at Raven's name.

It was unread and Jasper could see his name in the message preview.

What the hell were they talking about him for? Last Jasper had known, Raven and Clarke were sworn enemies. When did they get close enough to where they were sending messages back and forth about him?

Jasper tapped the conversation without an ounce of guilt. There was only one message dated from two days ago.

Friday, 11/13/15 2:56pm

Hi Clarke...listen. I know we don't really get along but

It's about Jasper. I'm pretty sure it was him I saw with

a girl who's known for drugs and getting arrested. I'm not a 100%

sure it was him but it never hurts to at least double check.

Raven.

Jasper deleted the message almost instantly after reading it. He couldn't let Clarke find out about any of this. He already had Monty breathing down his neck and had just barely managed to convince him to keep it to himself. But if Clarke got involved, then that would mean his dad and Abby would get involved.

What if they send him to therapy? Or worse? What if Clarke and Abby abandoned him the same way his real mother and Octavia did?

No way, Jasper thought, dropping Clarke's phone back onto the nightstand and retreating out of the room to his own. He might not want Clarke in his business or interfering with his life, but it pained him to think of her leaving him behind from being disappointed in him. He'd rather die than live to see her or Abby find out all of the terrible things he'd done.

Was that selfish, he wondered, collapsing onto his bed. To hide things from the people he cared about, refuse their help, push them away, and treat them poorly only to want them to be within his reach? Was it selfish to want to die so he didn't have to face them even though he has no intention of stopping the shameful sins in the first place? Was it a sin at all?

Jasper ran his finger along a cut on his ankle, eyes heavy. It still wasn't light out.

His thoughts wandered over to Octavia and his mom. Would either of them care if one morning he just never woke up?

...

Jasper had the sensation of falling when he jerked awake.

He must have had a nightmare and flipped around in this sleep because his entire upper torso was hanging off of the bed. Recovering slightly, Jasper righted himself so that he was spread out on his stomach across his mattress, blankets strewn across his legs.

It was odd though, because the room seemed brighter than he kept it these days. He glanced at his window and sure enough, the blanket he had tacked over it was missing, allowing the morning sunlight to stream in. And next to his fishtank was Clarke.

"I was wondering if you were going to get up." She was already dressed and put together. This combined with her sentence told him he wasn't going to like where this was heading. "It's already eleven thirty."

Jasper shrugged, rolling onto his face. "I'm a growing boy. I need sleep."

"You're a growing boy who also needs sunlight, food, and social interaction. Get dressed; we're going out."

"I don't want to."

"I don't care." He could feel the mattress sink as she sat next to him. "You haven't left the house in days and I haven't seen you in days so let's go. Monty is meeting us at the theatre and we're gonna go get snacks."

"We literally just did this entire routine last night. I don't feel like it."

"I also thought we could get a new filter for your fish tank." Her hand rested on his shoulder. "Did you notice that your fish are all dead?'

"No, but I'm not surprised. "

"Jasper." This time he could hear the agitation in Clarke's voice as she stood up. "Mom says you need to get out of the house and I agree so get up. No is not an answer." She tore the blanket away from him and bundled it up into her arms, exposing him to the cold air.

"She's your mom. Not mine." Jasper had meant for it to be under his breath, but Clarke's fallen look alerted him of his mess up right away.

"What?"

"I didn't say anything!" He groaned, as if he had been falsely accused. He rolled out of bed, and skimmed through his closet. "Look I'm getting ready! Now leave so I can change. God."

Clarke eyed him again before leaving him to get ready.

Forty minutes later Jasper was trailing behind Clarke in their favorite party store. He had wanted to wait out in the car, but Clarke insisted that he came inside with her. She had smiled at him, but Jasper could see the worry in her visage. She didn't trust him by himself.

Jasper broke away from Clarke while she debated over which drink to buy and he found himself alone in the candy aisle. He picked up a box of Rainbow Nerds and stared at it as if contemplation whether to buy it or not. In reality, he was checking to see if the girl with the short dark hair was running the register.

She was, but he had already known that before looking. He had figured out weeks ago that she worked Thursdays, Fridays, and Sundays. If Jasper was going to do any shoplifting, it would only be during her shift because he knew she wouldn't catch him. She was always either too busy helping a customer or flipping through a magazine to bother noticing him.

Jasper slipped the candy box into his pocket subtly, popped his collar, then whirled around only to run head first into Clarke. Jasper froze, his stomach swimming with nausea. Did she just see him...?

Clarke smiled radiantly, but it started to slip at her immediate recognition of his distress. "I'm ready—are you sick? Your whole face is red! Should I call mom —"

" No, I'm fine." Jasper's heart beat rapidly despite his attempts to calm down. Last the thing he needed was Abby getting involved. "I got a little dizzy for a second. I'm gonna wait in the car until you're done."

He didn't wait for her response, but instead hurried past the clerk girl who had definitely taken a notice in him now. He considered putting the candy back, but decided he didn't care if he got caught and walked right out the doors. He expected to be stopped in his tracks right away, a camera crew to jump out and expose him, and Abby screaming that he was no son of hers.

But it didn't.

"Have a nice day!" The words of the clerk registered in his head only after he had curled up in the passenger's seat of his sister's car. It came to his attention that he had never heard her voice until now.

The revelation was soon forgotten, however, as Clarke returned to the driver's side.

...

Raven had tried to pretend that this date meant nothing to her, but there was no denying the cartwheels of excitement in her stomach.

When Finn had called her up that morning asking if she wanted to grab lunch and catch up, she was tempted to hang up on him immediately. Just because she had been civil with him at the Quiz Bowl practice the day before didn't mean she was ready to forgive him and make up.

But deep down, Raven knew she had forgiven him at the same moment she made peace with Clarke. Even though their relationship would never be the same, Raven couldn't live with the thought of cutting Finn out of her life entirely— he had been her best friend since the second grade and he knew everything about her. There never were any secrets between them.

Finn had already at the café when she arrived, her favorite coffee steaming hot and waiting for her on the table in front of him. She couldn't hold back her smile at the fact he still remembered her coffee order, which really wasn't that big of a deal since it had only been a little over a month since they broke up, but it still meant a lot that he bothered to order it ahead of time.

She was afraid that the conversation would go awkwardly, but it flowed naturally as if nothing damaging had ever happened to their relationship. A few times Raven had to remind herself that she wasn't going to let herself be enamored by him, but for the most part she just enjoyed his company; it felt normal again.

"I mean, it's not the most glamorous job in the world," Finn finished his story, "but at least I'll be making twelve bucks an hour."

"Yeah. For a first job, that's a really good wage." Raven laughed, swirling the remaining coffee in her cup in a circle . "I can't believe you waited until senior year to get your first job."

Finn shrugged, his smile soft and a little embarrassed. "Finally decided I should start taking care of myself. Can't keep living off of my mom's divorce inheritance forever."

Raven chewed on her lip, wondering if his new drive was the result of Clarke's influence. She was a pretty independent person. It would make sense for Finn to become inspired by her, right? The funny thing was that Raven didn't feel even the slightest bit resentful towards Clarke about it. Monty's advice really worked.

Monty!

"Oh yeah!" She slapped her mostly empty cup on the table. "Guess what!"

Finn leaned forward, cheek resting in his palm. The sparkle in his eye assured her that he was listening intently. "You...were scouted by NASA? It's about damn time."

Raven shook her head, grinning. "Not quite, but I'm making my way there! Guess again!"

Finn puffed up his cheeks in pensive thought then deflated them with an eager sigh. "I can't top NASA. What's up?"

"I joined the robotics tournament!"

Finn's eyes nearly popped out of his head, but he was still grinning. "Without Wick? That's amazing! You're going to do so great!" He lowered his voice, as if to convey a secret. "I honestly never really liked that guy. Too demanding. I feel like every time you told me about him, it involved a fight and him being a jackass and —" he threw up his arms .

Raven shrugged, curling the corner of her lip down a bit. "He wasn't that bad, but maybe he was a little bit of a prick. We always managed to win though."

Finn rolled his eyes with a naughty laugh. "You can easily win by yourself with an arm tied behind your back and blindfolded. You're going to do great."

"Thanks." She grinned. "But I'm actually doing it with Monty — do you know him?"

"Monty?" Finn repeated, trying the name out on his tongue. "No. I don't think I know a Mon—wait." He paused, staring at his hands before looking back up at her. "You mean Clarke's friend?"

"Yeah. Her brother, Jasper's friend."

"Yeah, now that you mention it. I think I only really met him one time. How did you end up doing the robotics tournament with him? "

Raven quickly related the story of the wrench and how she ended up accidentally running into Monty again in the hardware store. She left out the part about how he gave her advice on how to finally forgive Clarke. "I started out doing it mostly for the rush of competition, but I think I'm just going to be a fill in for Jasper until he's back to his normal self."

Finn cocked his head to the side, and then nodded slowly as if realization just dawned on him. "Ah, he's still not over Octavia." Raven was about to correct him when he continued, "It must be hard on him that she's already seeing another guy."

This time Raven stopped. "What? No way."

"Clarke told me that she's seeing Lincoln."

"Lincoln? Grounder Lincoln?"

Finn nodded again. "Yeah. Apparently Clarke and Bellamy found them out yesterday after leaving the restaurant."

Raven smiled then frowned. "Well, Lincoln's a good guy so I'm not worried about Octavia, but I am worried about Jasper." She leaned forward. " Finn, I saw him with Echo. "

The color drained from Finn's face. "Oh, no. Are you sure it was him?" Raven nodded. "We need to tell Clarke—" he made a frantic move to get up, but Raven slapped her palm over his wrist to keep him from moving.

"I already told her about it so I figure she's going to take care of it," she said. "It's not really our business either, Finn."

"Not our business?" Finn repeated. The coldness of his voice made annoyance swirl in Raven's gut. "Regardless of whether we get along or not, Echo is bad news and it would be bad for Jasper to end up in the wrong crowd. We need to take action so that he doesn't —"

"Finn," she barked at him and he instantly closed his mouth. "I already took the matter into my own hands by earning Clarke of the situation. Jasper is her brother, and the action needed to be taken to help him is up to her and her parents alone. Not you." He gave her raised eyebrows but she didn't stop. "I know you want to help—I do too. But we do not have the right to take over and made decisions because we feel it's right. You need to let Clarke and her family decided these things without your influence over her."

Finn deflated in his seat, fist pressed up against his temple. Raven was mildly concerned that he was going to lash out in her, but then he sat up and laced his fingers with hers on the table top. "You're right," he murmured, "you always are."

The words should have been satisfying, but they sounded hollow, like he was just telling her what she wanted to hear. She had a sneaking suspicion that he wasn't going to let it go so easily.

"You know," she started after they had been in silence for a time, "I think Monty might having feelings for Clarke."

Finn jerked up, clearly flabbergasted but trying to cover it up as best he could. "What makes you think that?"

"Just the way he talks about her —"

A body slammed into the top of their table, and Raven was instantly ready to duke it out with a random drunk despite the fact that it was two in the afternoon and they were in a coffee house. What she really hadn't expected was for Wells to be the one to crash into them.

"Have either of you seen Clarke?" He was out of breath and panting like he had participated in a ten kilometer run. "She isn't answering her phone and it's important."

"I haven't talked to her today," Raven answered slowly.

"Why?" Finn fixed Wells with a hard stare. "What happened?"

Wells dropped his head to the table. Finn repeated his question. "I'm," Wells picked his head back up, making Raven even more nervous.

"Out with it please!" She pressed.

"I'm moving to France in a week," he said.

Raven suddenly wished she hadn't asked.

...

The silence that fell between them was awkward. After all, Bellamy did try hunting him down the day before with the help of his friends.

That morning, after Murphy had gone home and Bellamy had given up all hope of Octavia explaining herself to him, she came out of her room with her phone clenched to her chest asking if he would have lunch with her and Lincoln.

Bellamy really wanted nothing to do with the guy, but he was a strong believer in keeping friends close and enemies closer, so he quickly agreed. His biggest concern had been getting to the restaurant and waiting longer than necessary.

What he hadn't counted on was this boyfriend of Octavia's being there just as early! Bellamy had figured they would come together! Now he was stuck at a table with this guy after exchanging the world's most uncomfortable handshake.

Bellamy wasn't sure what to say, so he mostly stayed quiet, praying Octavia would walk her ass through the door at any minute. He had lost count of how long they had stared at their waters before Lincoln finally said, "This is ridiculous."

Bellamy looked up, mildly startled. Lincoln was no longer avoiding eye contact. "Excuse me?" Bellamy asked.

"Listen, Bellamy," Lincoln folded his hands on the table top, "I really like Octavia and as her brother, I know you're not going to like me right away. I also realize running yesterday was a poor decision but she was scared about what you would say. Your opinion of her matters more to her than you think."

"I'm not sure about that," he scoffed.

"No, you got it wrong." Lincoln paused momentarily. "I'm not going to hurt Octavia, though I'm sure you have your doubts. However, I would appreciate it if you would allow me to prove it to you and to her just how much I cherish her."

Bellamy leaned forward in his seat. "Listen, Lincoln. I want to like you, trust me. You clearly make Octavia happy but... I've been watching out for her since the day she could walk. We have different dads and hers wasn't the best so my mom didn't stick with him long. And my mom works long hours, so I've been the one who made sure she got to school, had lunch money, beat up anyone who picked on her."

Lincoln chuckled. "I'm having a hard time picturing Octavia getting pushed around."

Bellamy cracked a grin. "Well, the one time a kid did try to pick on her, she knocked his lights out. No one messed with her again after that." He laughed. "But my offer to take care of them for her always stands."

"It sounds like you are real l close." Lincoln cocked his head to the side. "I don't want to take away the relationship you have with her. You're her brother and nothing is going to change that. I just want to be a part of making your bond stronger."

Bellamy had become pretty skilled at determining when a person was being insincere, and this guy was the farthest thing from insincere. From the direct contact eye contact to the lack of fidgeting, Bellamy could tell that Lincoln was being completely honest.

Bellamy swallowed, nodding slowly. "I think I can get along with you for the time being."

"And by that you mean until a potential breakup?" Lincoln's voice raised an octave and his eyes got a glimmer in them.

Bellamy chuckled, Lincoln joining in as well. Clearly the question was asked for ironic purposes and not to be taken seriously, otherwise Bellamy would have punched his lights out. "That's exactly what I mean."

"Bellamy? Lincoln?" The voice was unmistakablely Octavia's. Suddenly she was at the table with them, arm wrapped around Lincoln's bicep. Surprisingly, it only bothered Bellamy a little bit. "W-what's going on here? I said at two— why are you both here so early?"

"Cool it, O. We've had our conversation already and I— I don't mind you two being together."

Octavia's eyes widened so far Bellamy held back a laugh. "Really? Just like that?"

Bellamy held up his menu in front of his face to hide his smirk. "Alright. What do we want to eat?"

A buzz on the table had everyone glancing at their phones. "It's me," Lincoln said, looking at his screen.

Octavia touched Lincoln's shoulder. "Do you need to take it, babe?"

"No, it's just Clarke," Lincoln said. Bellamy instantly perked up at the mention of Clarke, before bringing himself back down to earth. The odds were that he was talking about a different Clark. "I can call her back later."

Bellamy nearly spewed out his water. Her?

Clarke wasn't a common girl's name was it?

Bellamy cleared his throat. "You don't mean Clarke Griffin by any chance?"

Lincoln's face broke out a slight smile. "Oh, yeah. I completely forgot that you guys go to the same school and probably know each other."

Octavia laughed nervously. "Oh, yeah. I kinda forgot to tell you about that big bro..."

"H-how do you know her?" Bellamy wasn't sure why he was asking, but for some reason he needed to know the answer.

"We worked in the same doctor's office for a while. She normally doesn't call me. I wonder what's up."

The vibrating ended, showing a new missed call. Bellamy had accidentally left his phone at home otherwise he would have called her himself. "Maybe you should call her back," he suggested.

Lincoln re-dialed immediately. Octavia rolled her eyes. "Can't this wait until later?" She muttered.

"Hi, Clarke?" Lincoln said into the receiver. "No, it's not a problem. Yeah, he's here. Uh, sure."

Bellamy was thrown off when Lincoln suddenly passed him his phone. "What?"

"She's been trying to reach you."

Bellamy took the phone. "Clarke? What's wrong?"

The other end was instantly filled with her stern answer.

"Things just suddenly got alot harder."

...

So sorry updates are super irregular. Trying to cruise through life but life aint having it right now

11/23/17