Chapter Twenty-Six: Count On You
"Okay, open your eyes."
Jasper obliged, opening his eyes once her hands were removed from his face. He was standing directly in front of a painting that he couldn't quite interpret; it could have been candles against a dark room or it could have been souls of the condemned trying to escape from hell.
The second one seemed more poetic to him.
Maya smiled nervously off to the side. "So," she picked at her nail, "what's your verdict?"
Jasper ran his hand through his freshly trimmed curls—she had somehow convinced him to finally take care of his ill maintained mop of hair. "It's not bad," he admitted after a moment. For some reason, he felt compelled to run his fingertips along the canvas.
Maya visibly beamed, and then covered it up with her palm as she turned away. When she faced him again, her smile was more controlled. "It seemed to fit you better than most of the other mosaics in here."
Jasper crossed his arms, nodding slightly. This was only the second time that they had gone to the art institution, but he found a lot more solace in the quiet halls than he cared to admit. The building was huge, fostering numerous types of art pieces ranging from sculptures to portraits to abstracts. Aside from Maya, there were rarely any other people in the same room with him at a time.
Six days ago, he had made the decision to wait for some dumb girl to finish her shift at the liquor store he frequently shoplifted at. His intentions had mostly been to shut her down once and for all, to let it be known that he wasn't some project to fix or whatever bullshit she might have been thinking. He hadn't expected to meet her again, nor had he dare thought their meetings would turn into something that he looked forward too.
Maya patted his arm gently, but when he looked down at her, she was focused on the painting again. "This one is my favorite too; it's showing a darker side of the world. I mean, it's nice to focus on the color, but sometimes you need to acknowledge the darkness in order to heal it."
Jasper knew that it was a therapeutic tactic and he refused to give in. "Sometimes healing is out of the question." He pulled his arm out of her grasp and retreated to a bench setting in the center of the room.
"What's your favorite painting we've seen so far, Jasper?" Maya's voice was patient and sweet.
Jasper swallowed, avoiding her eyes. He didn't like how nice Maya was to him because it was going to make everything harder when he betrayed her. But instead of blowing up, he murmured, "There was one with some birds in it that wasn't terrible."
Maya slid onto the bench beside him. "Listen, Jasper," Maya picked at her fingernails again, a habit that Jasper had quickly learned about her, "there's something I've been thinking about."
Well, here it was—the moment he had been anticipating from the beginning. Maya was officially put up with his cynical attitude and poor behavior and was leaving him on his own, just like his own family did. And it took only what? A week? He deserved a medal for how quickly he was capable of chasing people out of his life.
Jasper rolled his shoulders, turning his back to her slightly as they sat. Suddenly he wished he hadn't cut his hair so he could use the long locks to screen his face from her view.
"It's about Thanksgiving, Jasper." Maya's hand curled around his shoulder, startling him slightly. Those...were not the words he had been bracing himself for. "It's tomorrow and I just want to know what your plans were for that?"
Jasper tensed, still slightly shook from the switch of conversation topic. In fact, he wished that she had dropped him from her life. Anything to keep him from having an uncomfortable discussion about Thanksgiving and what he was going to do on a day like that.
"Stay home, probably," he finally said.
Maya's nose scrunched into a small frown. "That's not what I mean per se…"
"Oh," Jasper's voice turned harsh. "You want to know whether I'll be in the dining room with my family, right? If— if I'm going to sit with my dad, and step-sister, and step-mom and hold a pleasant conversation about school or sports or—or— or God forbid what we're thankful for!?"
Jasper noticed how he was nearly looming over Maya as he spoke, but surprisingly enough she hadn't squirmed back in fear or shock. For some reason, that just made him more angry and Jasper jumped to his feet with a snarl.
"What the fuck does someone like me have to be thankful for, huh?" He gripped at his hair, tugging at the roots until it felt like his scalp was peeling away from his skull. "I'm just a fucked up kid, alright? My own mother didn't want me, the girl of my dreams left me out to dry, the people I'm closest too have condemned me, nothing makes me happy anymore!"
Anger swelled in Jasper's stomach—he couldn't think straight. Memories of cuts and blood and sex and sleepless nights rushed back to him. Had this really been his reality for the past few weeks? It seemed like these were the only things he knew, as if the late night video game sessions with Clarke and Monty in the dim glow of Christmas lights was a figment of imagination.
Perhaps that's all it really was? Maybe the good times he could barely recall were just dreams that he had used to escape his reality. At this point, Jasper couldn't even recall how it felt to be happy, or even content. If he couldn't remember that feeling then who's to say that it ever really happened.
A soft hand on his back brought Jasper back; he was on the floor with his arms over his head, almost as if he was shielding himself. "Jasper," Maya's voice was soft.
Jasper sat up in a snap, eyes fiery and bloodshot as he glared at her. "Why are you with me?" he demanded through a tight throat. He hated how perfect she looked. "Why would you—a top student from a prestigious fucking school who could have any guy she wants—risk being caught with a deadbeat like me?"
He tried not to cry; Jasper hated crying, especially in front of people. He wished he didn't come with her, wished he never waited for her that day, wished he picked a different store to shoplift at, wished he didn't allow her to have so much power over him.
Jasper was just a project to her—some poor soul whose life she could better just by being there, so that the next time she saw one of her socialite friends, she can impress them with how kind and generous she was. Jasper recognized the act. The only problem was that his feelings for her were different.
The world was cruel, setting him up for another disaster. Maya was literally the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen, more so than Octavia, but it didn't mean anything because at the end of the day he was nothing to her, right?
Maya pulled her hand away from the small of his back where she had been rubbing soothing circles into his back. Jasper tried pressing himself further into the marble floor when two hands scooped up his face, forcing him to look Maya in the eyes.
"Listen," she said, "you clearly have some demons you're working through and I don't like watching you suffer. I want to help you, but you need to be in want of my help for it to work."
Jasper's cheeks felt itchy from the muffled sobs and his head throbbed from his shouting. "What if I don't want help? Then what?" he snapped. "Are you just going to leave me too? Like the rest of them did?"
"That's my point, Jasper!" Maya released his face from her hands and his head dropped. Jasper shifted again so that he was sitting straight up. "You keep saying that everyone left you, but from what I can see, you're just shutting them all out! Monty calls you four times a day, all of which you ignore! It's only one word answers for Clarke if you bother to answer her calls." Jasper shrugged, avoiding eye contact. "You say that your parents aren't paying attention to you, but have you thought that maybe they are afraid to lose you altogether if they continue to nag at you?"
Jasper remained silent, but out of the corner of his eye he spotted a security guard approaching slowly with a hand on his belt. Well that was spectacular. If they got caught having a spat, they probably wouldn't be allowed back in again and this was the only place Jasper was able to think.
Surging forward, Jasper caressed Maya's cheek with the back of his hand before he kissed her. It was a risk, but also he didn't care. His world was falling down around him anyway so what was one more thing to add to the burning pile of regrets?
At first she stiffened, breath hitched, and Jasper was pretty sure that he could feel Maya raising her arm to slap him when she leaned into him, kissing him back. It was a short kiss, but Jasper wasn't going to complain. It set his innards on fire and made his hands tremble.
Maya placed her hands on his wrists, pulling his hands away from her cheeks. Her face seemed to glow but her eyes betrayed her discomfort. At least the security guard had walked on without stopping to give them a hard time. "I ruined everything again, didn't I?" he whispered.
Maya pinched her lower lip between her teeth. "What was that for?"
"I wasn't ready to get banned from the museum. I'm not allowed in a lot of places these days and I'm not going to let this place be one of them." Jasper leaned further away, once again wishing his hair was long enough to hide his face. "I think I'm going to go."
Jasper pushed himself up and crossed the hall. He was trying to keep his mind blank as he walked, but it seemed like every time he managed to clear his head, the warmth of her mouth on his would creep back into his memory.
"Jasper!"
Jasper increased his walking speed. He had hoped that she wouldn't follow him despite having a hunch that she would anyway. "Leave me alone, Maya."
Maya's body slammed into him from behind, arms looping around his middle. He tried to keep walking, but she planted her feet in the ground which made it far too difficult to drag her. "You're scared and I get that!" She tightened her arms around him. "But you're not getting rid of me that easily so stop pushing me away too!"
Jasper exhaled deeply, unsure of what to do. He felt guilty for liking the feeling of her arms wrapped around him and he disliked the idea of letting her into the private bubble he had created for himself the last few weeks.
Though he had little interest in helping himself, he did feel better when Maya was around and he had a feeling she knew it too. Maybe that kiss had meant nothing to her right now, but give it some time and perhaps it would mean more to her too.
Small goals, he told himself. Small goals.
…
"Alright, does everyone have their name-tags?"
Clarke pivoted on the balls of her feet, double checking that everyone on the team had a slip of paper pinned to their shirt. Apparently last year a team was disqualified for a member missing a name-tag and Clarke wasn't going to allow a stupid slip up like that be the cause of their downfall.
"I believe so, but mine looks a little bit different, princess."
Clarke inhaled deeply to keep herself calm before facing Murphy. "What's wrong with it?"
Murphy shrugged, an exaggerated frown on his lips. His fingers were fidgeting with the safety pin holding the slip of paper to his shirt. "Everyone else's are all typed up and fancy," he gestured to Sterling's name-tag beside him, "while mine's just a fast scribble. Doesn't make me feel very part of the team~"
"Now's not the time, Murphy," Finn said, stepping forward.
Murphy sniffed, a small grin playing on his lips. "Not the time? I'm just having a little fun, Collins! Let's remember that without me, you wouldn't even be able to participate tonight."
Well, Clarke couldn't deny that he did have a point there. With the gaping hole in the team that Wells left when he moved, it had been very possible that West Arke wouldn't have been allowed to participate in the competition since they were down a member. Originally Clarke had wanted Emori, but for her own personal reasons Emori wasn't keen on the idea of being a part of the team.
In the end, Bellamy and Miller were somehow able to convince Murphy to fill in as a replacement until they found someone to permanently fill in for Wells. All things considering, Clarke was very grateful that Murphy had been willing to help out and she supposed she could try being a bit less harsh towards him.
"It's okay, Finn." Clarke reached her arm out and separated the two boys, hoping to dispel the tension. Finn didn't look too happy that she was defending Murphy. "Murphy is just being Murphy. Leave him be." She turned to Murphy and attempted a smile even though she was afraid her anxiety was still showing. "Thank you for doing this, Murphy. I'm sure there's a million other things you'd rather be doing with your time right now."
Murphy grinned lazily, then cast a side eyed glare in Finn's direction. "Thanks, princess. At least one of you appreciates my sacrifice."
Murphy turned back around to consult with Miller and Monroe about something or other. Clarke shifted her weight between her feet as she turned around. "Alright," she said it to the group, but only Raven and Finn were paying attention at this point, "so I only have Bellamy's name-tag left, so does that mean everyone else has theirs?"
Raven did a quick scan as she slowly raised her hand to her forehead, then did a mock salute. "Aye aye. It looks like everyone has them."
"Where is Bellamy?" Clarke noted Finn's eyes staring down at the last name-tag in her hands. "I haven't seen him yet and the competition starts in thirty minutes," he said.
Clarke smoothed out the wrinkles in the paper with her thumbs. She was not going to let herself be stressed. If she was stressed, she'd make a mistake. A mistake meant losing the school. "I'm sure he'll be here on time."
Raven must have sensed her anxiousness because she gave Clarke's shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "I'll go give him a call. Finn, go check the boys bathroom."
Finn hesitated in his movements making Clarke wonder if he was going to hang back to ask her something, but Raven looped her arm with him and dragged him along with her. "We'll find him, Clarke," she promised.
Clarke grinned, but it was only half hearted. Out of all the times Bellamy could get tied up, why did it have to be today? They were already playing with a replacement and it would be really hard to find someone to take Bellamy's place for the night if he ended up not being able to make it.
She slipped her phone out of her pocket hoping to see a missed text or call from Bellamy, but there was nothing there. Clarke pursed her lips, and then dialed Octavia.
"Hello?" Octavia's voice on the other end greeted. "Clarke? What's up?"
Octavia's tone was enough to know that she wasn't going to know anything about her brother's whereabouts. Still, Clarke figured she might as well give it a shot. "Hey, Octavia, do you know where your brother is?"
"Bell? He should be with you, right? Isn't tonight your guys' big Quiz Bowl thing against the Reapers?"
Clarke chewed down on the corner of her lip. "That would be correct. Except, he's not here and we only have twenty minutes before we go up there."
Octavia's end of the phone went quiet for a second. "No," she said after a while, "I can't think of anything that would be holding him up. Have you tried calling him?"
"I tried earlier but he didn't answer. Raven is trying to call him now."
"I'll send him a text, but I doubt that there's more that I could do that you haven't tried. Maybe he's stuck in traffic?"
"Doubtful, but not impossible. Alright, I'll let you go now."
"Could you let me know when he shows up? Just so I know he go there?"
"Of course."
"Thanks, Clarke. Good luck to you guys."
"Thanks, Octavia."
Clarke ended the call, but she felt more stressed than before. Octavia not knowing the whereabouts of Bellamy was almost worse than him just not showing up. Usually Octavia had the best tabs on everyone.
She traced the letters on Bellamy's name-tag; maybe if she called right now, Monty would be able to fill in at the last minute if it came down to it. As far as she knew, he wasn't busy tonight so hopefully he would make it in time.
Clarke scrolled through her contacts list when an incoming call from Raven popped up on her screen. She answered without hesitating.
"Raven? Did you get through to him?"
"Yes! He'll be here in a few minutes!"
Clarke released a breath she hadn't realized she had been holding. "That's a relief. What was the hold up? Why didn't he call us?"
Clarke could practically hear Raven's smile on the other end of the phone. "It's a surprise—a good surprise. Trust me. Wait for him at the entrance while Finn and I get everyone else ready in the auditorium, okay?"
For the first time in an hour, Clarke could feel her heart rate lower to that of healthy speeds. "Thank you, Raven."
"Not a problem. See you soon."
The beep signaled that Raven had hung up, so Clarke pocketed her phone. "Alright, guys," she turned towards her remaining teammates, "Bellamy is almost here so I'm going to wait for him. You guys head down to the auditorium. Raven and Finn will help you guys get situated."
"I hope he talks you off the ledge, Clarke," Miller teased. "He seems to be the only one that can."
"Let's move." Murphy grasped Miller by the shoulder and directed him down the hall.
Watching them all disappear down the hallway helped keep her distracted while she waited for Bellamy, but the moment they were out of sight Clarke felt her body tense again. There was only seven minutes before it started.
When the door opened, Clarke nearly jumped out of her skin. It was about time!
Bellamy hurried through the door. His curls were a mess and dumb smile was on his face. "Sorry I'm late. I ran into someone who needed a ride."
"You what?" Clarke was ready to kick his ass off of the team and take their chances with a random audience member. "Now's not the time for your stupid displays of rebellion! We have a comp—"
There was no way she would have thought to brace herself for the moment her dad walked in the door behind Bellamy. He looked the same as she remembered him, except he was rocking a new California tan. "Dad?" she whispered.
Her dad smiled, opening his arms wide. "How've you been, squirt?"
Clarke ran into his arms, hugging him tight. It had been months since the last time she had seen her dad and everything about him seemed so far away already. "H-how are you here? When?"
Dad pulled back, ruffling her hair slightly. "I couldn't miss Thanksgiving with you and Jasper. I thought your mom would be able to get me from the airport, but she was in surgery all afternoon. Luckily, Marcus was able to give me this young fella's phone number." He clapped Bellamy on the back. "He was pretty confident that Mr. Blake here would be willing to lend a hand."
Clarke laughed, using the edges of her hands to wipe away the brief tears that had managed to escape. "How many days are you staying, Dad?"
"Until Sunday." He ruffled her hair again. "How long until the—"
"—oh my God!" Clarke's eyes widened. "Bellamy, we have four minutes! We have to run!" She turned to her dad again. "The auditorium is straight down the hall. Mom and Marcus should be there already! I'll see you when we're done?"
"You'd better!" He roared with laughter. "I didn't fly six hours to not see you, squirt! Now go make me proud."
Clarke hugged her dad again, sighing into his chest. "I'm so happy you're here, dad."
"Me too. Now don't be late!"
Clarke smiled, giving a nod to Bellamy that she was ready to go. "Two minutes, princess," he said once they were out of earshot. "We'll have just enough time to slide into our seats."
And despite the frantic outbursts of their friends as they arrived in the knick of time, Clarke and Bellamy did keep their promise of not being late.
…
Bellamy smiled as he perched his elbows on the counter of the bar.
After they had wiped the floor with the Reapers, which everyone had expected, Jake had insisted on taking the whole team out to dinner to celebrate. In a small town like their's, a lot of places closed down after the dinner rush which left them with minimal options at eleven at night, but everyone had been easily convinced with Jake's suggestion of Pike's Grill.
It was a small little cabin like restaurant closer to that of a pizzeria than a grill, but there was a Dance Dance Revolution game in one corner and a bar with the latest sports scores on a pair of mounted TV's so it had it's appeal for everyone.
Most of the team had gone home after finishing up pizza, but some of them had elected to stay just as Bellamy had. Raven was killing it in the Dance Dance Revolution game while Murphy quietly judged her from the side. He knew that Raven had only stuck around this late because of Finn since he was her ride home, but he was eagerly sitting with Clarke and her dad amidst their conversation.
Bellamy though?
He wasn't a hundred percent sure why he had decided to stay even though his eyelids felt like lead and his neck ached from the long drive to the airport and back. But he had to admit that it was nice to have Jake around again, even if it was for a little while.
Even though Clarke and Bellamy had been on the wrong foot since middle school, Bellamy had always admired Jake Griffin; he had been Bellamy's sixth and seventh grade baseball coach and had been the one who initially introduced the love for Greek mythology to Bellamy in the first place.
Sure, Octavian was cool but the Greeks? No contest.
It was also nice to see Clarke so happy. He hadn't seen her smile so genuinely for a while.
"Can I get you another soda?" Bellamy turned around in his seat. Pike was drying off a glass behind the bar, a towel over his shoulder. Bellamy wondered how often Pike actually made alcoholic drinks considering this place was usually overrun with teenagers.
Bellamy tried to remember how many Cherry Cokes he'd had at this point, but the fact that he couldn't recall if it was his sixth or seventh told him that it was time to stop. "That's alright, man. I think I've just drank my bodyweight in caffeine."
Pike chuckled. He set the glass he was drying down and leaned his torso over the counter. "It's kinda nice seeing Jake around again. It's been a while."
"Almost eight months," he supplied. His throat did feel dry though. "Hey, Pike, can I get a water?"
Pike reached down and pulled a water bottle out of a small fridge below the counter. "Where you working at these days, Blake?"
Bellamy wiped his mouth after downing half his bottle. "I work in a doctor's office four days a week doing filing and stuff and I wait tables at Ruby's on Friday and Saturday nights."
Pike frowned a little, picking at his cuticles. "You ever think about coming and working for me?"
Bellamy felt a little taken back by the question, because he honestly hadn't ever considered it. "Can't say that I have but mostly because I figured you had to be twenty-one to work in a bar."
Pike laughed again, this time throwing his towel onto the top of the counter. "As long as you don't go pinching any alcohol," he lowered his voice, "or at they very least, don't get caught doing it," his voice raised in volume again, "then you would be perfectly within the law working here!"
Bellamy had to admit, it did sound tempting; Pike was known to give a very generous salary to the people he liked and for some reason Bellamy had happened to fall on the desirable side of the fence for once. But then there was the fact that Pike wouldn't tolerate anyone from the Grounders's part of the town into his restaurant. No one really knew the story, but everyone did know that Pike hated those kids with a passion. That would create a sore spot considering that these days his sister was dating a Grounder.
"I'll get back to you on that one," he finally decided. Pike nodded slowly, making Bellamy a bit uncomfortable. "I'm gonna go hang out with my friends now but we'll be in touch."
Pike looked like he wanted to ask him something, but Bellamy slipped off his stool and hurried away before any more words could be exchanged. Raven had abandoned the game and was slumped over the table with her head in her arms. Finn and Jake were still talking animatedly while Clarke was in the bathroom. Murphy was nowhere to be found.
Bellamy shot Murphy a quick text to see where he was at as he loomed over the table behind Raven.
"Bellamy!" Jake welcomed. "Where'd you run off to, kiddo?"
Bellamy smiled slightly at the nickname. "I was just sitting up at the bar talking to Pike a little bit." His eyes shifted to the nearly passed out Raven. "I think it's about time I head out, though. It was great seeing you again, Jake."
"I hope to see you again before I leave." Jake rose from his spot and and the two men shook hands across the table. "Thanks again for the ride today. It was a big help."
"No need to thank me." Bellamy shook Raven's shoulder gently and she stirred, lifting her head cautiously. "Come on. I'm gonna take you home."
Finn's head snapped in their direction, suddenly paying attention again. "I was going to drive her home."
Bellamy withheld an eyeroll. "She's falling asleep, man. And she lives closer to me anyway. I'll make sure she gets home safe."
Finn regarded him dubiously before his eyes softened. "I'll carry her out to your car."
Bellamy waited patiently while Finn collected Raven into his arms. Finn led the way out of the restaurant, making sure to not bump Raven's head on the door frames as they went. Bellamy was halfway down the steps when Clarke stepped out the door after him.
"Hey, Bellamy!" Her voice was tired, but her smile was soft. "Thank you. For everything you did today."
A smile played out in the corner of his mouth. If he hadn't been so tired, he was sure that it would have been a full smile, dimples and everything. "I barely did anything, Princess. It was all you."
A cross between a laugh and scoff escaped her lips. "You know what I mean, Bellamy."
"Of course I do." He shot her a playful wink and Clarke rolled her eyes with a laugh. "Get some sleep Clarke."
"You too." She looped her arm around one of the wood beams that held up the overhang. Bellamy was about to high tail it to his car when she said, "Monty and I are planning a Thanksgiving thing for Friday and I was thinking that...maybe you and Octavia would wanna come?"
It had come to the point where Bellamy wasn't surprised that Clarke would invite him to things like this anymore. It had been established enough to him a while ago that they were friends now, but it never ceased to make him excited whenever she suggested they do something together.
"Do I need to bring anything?"
"Can I get back to you on that tomorrow?"
"Yeah." Bellamy laughed again. "Go tell your old man that you're ready for bed. You need some sleep. I'll call you in the morning sometime."
"Okay."
Clarke waved a few seconds before abandoning the freezing porch of the restaurant for the cozy indoors. Finn had already situated Raven in the front seat with the blanket from the back tucked around her. It suddenly occurred to him that he wasn't sure if he exactly remembered which house was hers. At least he'd be able to get her to the right neighborhood.
"Thanks again." Finn was leaning with his elbows over the door.
Bellamy shooed him a little bit. "People need to stop thanking me. Now run back inside. I can't believe that you're stupid enough to not wear a coat in this weather."
Finn closed Bellamy's door for him and did as told. At least he could follow simple instructions.
...
posting this during commercial breaks haha! this season is already great!
more chapters will be up withing the next few weeks! stay tuned!
4/24/18
