Trigger warning in this chapter for discussions of suicide and an almost attempted suicide. It starts in the second section after the break. I'm not sure how upsetting it is, but you can def skip this chapter if you need to, take care of yourselves!


Dorian sat by the fire, biting absently at his thumb nail and tapping his foot restlessly. Cassandra and Varric were there as well, but none of them spoke. The oppressive atmosphere was nearly stifling as they all waited for news. Vivienne had been tending to the Inquisitor for some time now and each second that went by only made them more apprehensive.

Elden's face, so pale and desperate and pained, kept flashing before Dorian's eyes and he had half a mind to charge in there to see how he was doing, but he still felt like it wasn't his place now. Still, when Vivienne finally left the tent, he nearly leapt to his feet.

"He's awake but at least he isn't trying to move any longer," Vivienne said as she joined them by the fire, taking a seat with a heavy sigh, no doubt exhausted expending so much energy on healing magic. "His wound seems to be healing just fine. It's possible straining himself as Dorian witnessed is the cause of his fever. I'll continue to monitor him for the time being. I fear there isn't much else for us to do for the time being."

Dorian sat back down with a heavy sigh, rubbing at his face. He wanted to do something, to fight or research or do anything at all. Instead all he could do was sit around helplessly watching as Elden suffered. Apparently Cassandra had had enough as well. She stood with a disgusted noise and walked off into the falling snow, no doubt heading back out to keep watch.

Dorian staring intently into the fire, stomach turning as he imagined the worst coming to pass. He kept telling himself that Elden would be fine once he got some proper rest, but he had been so desperate before, doubting himself all over again. What was Dorian supposed to say? Chances were he was only making Elden feel worse, reminding him of what had happened between them. What if that was only adding to Elden's strain? Varric looked expectantly back and forth between him and Vivienne before sighing and standing up.

"I'll go see how he's doing," he said. "Maybe I can cheer him up."

Dorian knew he should have been the one to go to him, but he couldn't. He'd broken Elden's heart. He could only make things worse.


Nearly everyone had gone to bed, but Dorian remained at the fire long after the sun had set, knowing there would be no sleep for him. He tried to read, but kept flipping through restlessly, or staring at the page too lost in his own thoughts to actually make out any of the words. He sighed and set the book aside, pinching the bridge of his nose.

As he lowered his hand and looked back into the fire, he thought he saw movement out of the corner of his eye. It was hard to see anything through the snow and the dark, so he couldn't be completely sure what it had been. Normally Dorian would be much more likely to simply ignore it, chances were it was just a scout, but he was rather desperate for some sort of distraction so he stood up and threw caution to the wind.

The movement had come from beyond the tents. Those out keeping watch would have no reason to be in the area since it led up against the cliffs at the edge of their camp. There was no cover here from the snow so he pulled up the collar of his coat and squinted through the heavy snowfall until he finally spotted a figure standing near the edge. Dorian froze, feeling like the ground had been pulled out from under him, his heart thundering in his chest.

"Inquisitor?" Dorian called, unable to keep the concern from his voice. Elden was standing so close to the edge. What was he even doing up and about let alone out here?

"I'm sorry," Elden said, barely glancing back at him. "All I ever seem to do is worry people or let them down. I don't know why I ever agreed to become Inquisitor, as if this was ever something I could do."

"Nonsense, you've been doing a fine job leading us thusfar," Dorian said, approaching cautiously, afraid of what might happen if he got too close.

"Thank you," Elden said, finally looking back at him and it broke Dorian's heart to see the despair in his face, his eyes red from tears. "I've always- I've always considered you a good friend. I'm sorry, I know that's probably selfish of me."

"Not at all-"

"It's okay, I know," Elden said, looking out over the edge again. "I've been a burden since the day I was born. It was only a matter of time until my family cast me aside. I don't really want to wait around until I live out my usefulness again."

"Amatus, please," Dorian said, raising a hand as if he could grab Elden from this distance should he choose to take that last step forward.

Elden turned to him again and smiled so sadly Dorian's heart broke all over again. "I always liked it when you called me that. You don't need to lie anymore, though. It's fine, really."

"That's not-" Dorian began, but what could he say? How could he explain?

"You don't have to say anything," Elden said. "Everyone goes eventually, I understand. I don't blame anyone for it."

"Inquisitor, please listen-!"

"She was right," Elden said as Dorian desperately grasped for words. "The Venatori. She showed me everything. I can still hear her even now, she never stops. But she's right. I'm useless, I only ever get in the way. All I could do is let my family down, but now there are lives on the line, and I can't- I should have died all those years ago. Then at least someone else would have become Inquisitor, someone actually competent. I was too much of a coward then, but perhaps I should finish the job I started."

"Elden!" Dorian shouted, panic evident in his voice, magic at the ready. "Look at me, talk to me! We chose you for a reason, we follow you for a reason!" He didn't know- he didn't realize- what had happened to Elden in his past? As bad as things were now, Dorian hadn't realized he had been suffering so-

"I don't know what I'm doing," Elden said as he broke down, but he turned away from the cliff and faced him and that was all that mattered in this moment. "All I ever do is mess up, I don't know what to do."

"You don't have to do anything," Dorian said, approaching slowly, cautiously. "Do you think we would all be here if Cassandra were the one leading us? She's a fine warrior and a good friend, but you're the one whose judgement we all trust. But you don't have to do this alone. You're not alone, Elden. But if you don't want to lead, that's fine. You still deserve to live, to be happy!"

"Is any of this even really happening?" Elden asked suddenly as tears began streaming down his face. "I was supposed to rot away in the Chantry where I couldn't get in the way anymore, how did any of this happen? Dorian, is this real?"

Dorian was already rushing forward as Elden collapsed to his knees. He pulled him into his arms, holding him tightly as he trembled against him.

"I guess I'm a coward again after all," he muttered.

"No," Dorian whispered. "Never."

Elden's forehead was burning hot where it was pressed against Dorian's cheek, but the rest of him felt so painfully cold. Dorian conjured up a bit of heat to try to warm him for the time being, but he needed to get him inside as quickly as possible.

Glancing over, he saw Varric there, crossbow in hand lowering from the ready position. No doubt he had been prepared to use his grappling hook to try to catch Elden had he fallen. He looking so relieved, if still tense, and Dorian nodded to him with a relieved sigh. Disaster had been averted for the moment at least, but the danger still existed. He pulled Elden more closely against him, damn the consequences, and kissed his forehead.