Thank you to all of you who are reading, following, favoriting, and reviewing. This chapter is a significant and wonderful one for Kate and Rick, especially, and one I've been waiting to write, since one scene in particular is a scene I've carried in my head and heart for months, waiting for this chapter. I hope you enjoy especially the Kate and Rick scenes as much as I enjoyed writing them.
Martha Rodgers had always been her granddaughter's initial go-to about boys and dating, partly because she too was a woman, and partly because Martha's reactions were, despite her theatrical flair in the rest of her life, far more tempered than her son's when it came to his only little girl and boys.
It had been a long time since since Alexis had approached Martha to talk about boys and dating.
And Alexis had never been quite this nervous before.
But once the dam burst, and the words came tumbling out of Alexis almost faster than she could keep up with them, Martha realized that Alexis, and she herself, Martha, had graduated from boys to men, from the first mention of Javier Esposito.
Martha listened silently, patiently, as she had in the past about Ashley, about Max, about Pi (repressing a shudder at the memory of the latter), as Alexis wound down.
"No one is more surprised by all of this than I am, Gram," Alexis concluded. "But I know I have feelings for Javier that I've never had for any other man...or boy...before."
Having seen them together at various points over the summer, Martha wasn't as surprised by this admission as others would be. Martha Rodgers was a keen student of human nature, and she had witnessed several interactions between Alexis and Javier in the past three months. She had seen the nascent closeness starting to build between the two, unconsciously on both their parts, she was certain. Alexis had mentioned Javier in casual conversation often...more often than she realized. And whenever Martha had occasion to speak to Javier, if Alexis was in the vicinity, his eyes sought and found her without fail, and the look in his eyes every time was a look that said "Good, Alexis is here, everything's okay."
But despite her lack of surprise at Alexis admitting to having feelings for Javier, Martha still had a few questions and concerns.
"Does Javier know you have feelings for him?" Martha asked.
"Yes, I told him," Alexis replied.
"And where does he stand?" Martha inquired.
The look on Alexis's face then reminded Martha so much of the look on Richard's face when Martha had finally gotten him alone nearly a year after he and Katherine had become a couple and all he could say, wonder sparkling on his face and in his voice, "Kate loves me, Mother. She said 'I love you' to me for the first time!"
"Well, of course she loves you. She's loved you for years, just as you've loved her for years," Martha had replied.
"But this is the first time she said the words," Richard said, awed.
"Javier has feelings for me too," Alexis said, the same wonder on her face and in her voice that had once been in her father's face and voice about one Katherine Beckett's first declaration of love.
But then her expression changed, to one of uncertainty. "We're not entirely sure where this is going, Gram. That's why we don't want to say anything to Dad and Kate yet."
"No need to get them upset unless there's really something to get upset about," Martha replied evenly.
"Well...yeah," Alexis said, a faint blush rising in her cheeks. "So you won't say anything to them, will you?"
"I am the soul of discretion when it comes to you and your love life, kiddo, you know that," Martha said. "So no, I won't say a word to your father or Katherine. It's not my place. I do have a couple of questions for you, though." She looked Alexis squarely in the eyes. "You're sure these feelings you have aren't...well, aren't some misguided way of thanking Javier for being there for you after what happened last spring? All the ways he was so helpful and so thoughtful of you, of me, of your father and Katherine?"
"I'm sure," Alexis said fiercely. "My feelings for Javier are about Javier, who he is as a person, and how I feel when I'm with him. It's not because of what he did to help all of us after Dad and Kate were...shot." She stumbled over the word, but then recovered herself. "I've gotten to know him as a person since then, between helping Kevin study for his sergeant's exam, and baby-sitting Sarah Grace and Nick together, and just hanging out together whenever the circumstances presented themselves, like over the Fourth of July. He's a good man, Gram. He's the best man I know, after Dad. I like being with him. He's become my best friend. And I think it could be something more...and he does too."
Martha nodded. "As long as you're sure about it. I trust your judgment," she said. "Now, as to the...let's say physical aspects of dating..."
"Gram!" Alexis exclaimed in horror, the blush returning more fiercely than before. "We haven't even kissed yet! We're light years away from...from anything else!" Then she realized something. "I'm gonna have to talk to him about this. Maybe he's expecting...and I'm just not ready for that. And I don't think we are ready for that, but if he thinks we are, then...oh boy." Now Alexis looked doubtful.
"If he truly has feelings for you, and if he respects your feelings, then he won't put any pressure on you," Martha said firmly.
Alexis nodded at that. "We're going out on Friday night. Our first official date," she said. "But he can't pick me up at home because of Dad and Kate, so is it all right with you if he picks me up here?"
"Of course," Martha said, silently glad that she would have the chance to talk to Javier herself while Alexis was getting ready for the date.
Sure enough, when Friday night arrived and Martha's doorbell rang, Alexis was still in Martha's bedroom, getting ready. "I'll get it, Alexis!" Martha called. She opened the door to reveal Javier Esposito, in black Dockers, a red button-down shirt, and a gray sport jacket, trying, and failing, to surreptitiously wipe his sweaty palms on the thighs of his pants before seeing Alexis. "Good evening, Martha," he greeted her.
"Good evening, Javier," Martha said, standing aside. "Please, come in. Alexis will be ready shortly. Have a seat. I'd like to talk to you for a moment before you go out, if I could."
"Of course," Javier replied. He took a seat in the armchair, and Martha settled herself on the edge of the couch, on the end closest to Javier.
"What are your intentions towards Alexis?" Martha asked. She looked piercingly at Javier, and he almost felt like flinching. "She has feelings for you, Javier."
"I know," Javier replied. "I have feelings for her too."
"There's a rather significant difference in your ages," Martha pointed out.
"There is," Javier agreed. "But age is just a number."
"So it is," Martha said, surprising Javier by agreeing with him on that before continuing, "But these feelings you have for my granddaughter. A man of your...experience...might have certain expectations about how an evening out ends, and as much as I like you, Detective Esposito, if you do or say anything to make Alexis uncomfortable, if you put any kind of pressure on her to take things to a level that she is not ready for-"
"Whoa, whoa, wait a minute!" Javier interrupted, not having missed the fact that Martha called him 'Detective Esposito' instead of 'Javier. "My interest in Alexis is not about getting into her pants!"
"It's not?" Martha asked, her gaze and her voice both flinty.
"No, it is not," Javier said firmly. "Okay, yeah, I've been around. I have a bit of a reputation. I know that. And if Alexis doesn't know it already, I'll make that clear to her tonight. But I will also make it clear that I do not, under any circumstances, expect this date, or any future dates, to end in bed. We haven't even kissed yet."
"But you've thought about it," Martha countered.
"Yeah, I've thought about kissing her," Javier said. "I'm just a flesh-and-blood man. But I'm not some creepy cradle robber, Ms. Rodgers. I have feelings for your granddaughter. I have feelings for your granddaughter that are unlike the feelings I have ever had for any woman before. I have the kind of feelings that scare a man as he adjusts to them, because I've never been this serious about wanting to get a relationship right, and we're just starting out here. We're still figuring out what this is, and where it's going, which is why we don't want Castle and Beckett to know yet. I know what Castle is capable of. I've seen what he's done in the past to criminals that threatened Beckett. And Beckett...She is Alexis's mother. I worked with the woman for years. Don't think I don't know that Castle would beat the living crap out of me if I step out of line in any way, and that Beckett would finish the job, and in the most painful manner possible." He looked at Martha, praying he didn't look or sound as helpless as he felt. "Beckett and Castle...and you, Martha...you're my family, just as much Ryan and Jenny and the kids are. I know what's on the line here. I'm not gonna screw this up.
"Alexis has become my best friend. I didn't plan for this to happen, but somehow it did. She's the last person I think about before I fall asleep at night, and the first person I think about when I wake up in the morning. I know she has goals and plans and dreams, and I'm not gonna get in the way of any of that. I want to help her with it, any way I can, any way she'll let me. I've been walking around for the past several weeks wondering what she sees in me, and thankful that whatever it is, she wants to see where this goes. I have no idea where it's going, but I will personally guarantee you that it is not going to bed, not anytime soon, anyway."
Martha gave Javier a hard, appraising look from head to toe, then nodded, seemingly satisfied. "I've watched the two of you around each other these past few months," she continued. "I saw this coming, even before Alexis took me into her confidence. And believe me, I understand you not telling Richard and Katherine until you're sure of what, exactly, you'll be telling them. I won't be saying anything to them, because it's not my place.
"But if you do step out of line, as you put it, Detective, Richard and Katherine are not the only ones you'll be answering to, if you get my drift."
"I understand," Javier said.
"I don't disapprove," Martha continued, "but..."
"I get it, completely," Javier replied.
Alexis emerged then, wearing skinny black jeans, black ballet flats, and a sky blue short-sleeved tee shirt with a scoop neck and a lightweight white cardigan over that. "Hello, Javier."
Javier shot to his feet. "Hi, Alexis. You look great," he said.
"Thank you. So do you," Alexis replied as she walked over to join him and Martha, who was also now standing.
"Have a good time, you two," Martha said. "Will you be coming back here after your date, kiddo?"
Alexis looked at Javier. "I think Dad and Kate are staying in tonight," Alexis said, "so probably not, but I do have a key." She opened her clutch bag and pulled out her key ring, holding up the key to Martha's apartment.
"Oh, I'll wait up, regardless. You know what a night owl I am," Martha said. "And I'll expect a full report, if not tonight, then in the morning."
"You'll get it," Alexis replied. She hugged Martha then, and as Martha was hugging her back, Alexis said, "Thank you, Gram, for everything."
"Be careful," Martha said. It was the one thing she could think to say that encompassed everything she wanted to say.
When they were in the hall, Alexis said, "Before we go, do we have time to talk?"
"Sure," Javier said.
"I just think I need to clarify a few things," Alexis said. Looking Javier squarely in the eye, she said, "This is not some schoolgirl crush. And it's not because you were nice to me and helped me and my family after my dad and Kate were shot last spring. I have feelings for you because of who you are, Javier. You're kind and caring and brave and loyal, and you believe in justice and your friends, and, okay, being shallow, you're really good-looking." She smiled, and Javier smiled back, but then Alexis grew serious again.
"I've had boyfriends before, and relationships," she said. "I wouldn't say I've been around the block, exactly, but I've been down the street. You're my best friend, Javier, and I want to get to know you better than I already do, and I want you to get to know me better than you already do, but I'm not ready for sex. And I'm not sure when I will be. This, us...It's too important to me to go jumping into bed with you immediately. We haven't even kissed yet. So if that's a deal-breaker for you, you have to let me know now, before I get in any deeper than I already am with my feelings for you."
"I have been around the block, that's true," Javier admitted. "I know what my reputation is. It could be better, but it could be worse. And having been around the block, a few times, I can tell you that it's not all it's cracked up to be. This isn't a sex thing for me, Alexis. I don't want to date you just so I can get you into bed."
He looked deeply into her eyes as he continued speaking. "I've never had feelings for any other woman like the feelings I have for you. I'm still sorting these feelings out, figuring out what they are, figuring out what your feelings for me are. We have a lot to learn about each other, and I want to do that. I want to know everything there is to know about you, Alexis, and I want you to know everything there is to know about me. But not sexually. We're a long way away from being ready for that, and I would never try to push or pressure you into anything you're not ready for."
He reached out and took her hand, threading his fingers through hers. "You surprise me, all the time. And when I tell you that I've never felt like this about any other woman before, that's not a line. It's the truth. I've never started out as friends with a woman and then had those feelings get deeper. I didn't become friends with Lanie until after we broke up. You're smart and you don't take any crap and you have a great sense of humor, you're beautiful-"
"You think I'm beautiful?" Alexis interrupted, awed.
"Have you looked in a mirror?" Javier replied seriously. "Yes, I think you're beautiful. And it's not just outer beauty. You have an inner beauty that makes you shine, Alexis, in everything you do. And I've never seen that inner beauty in any other woman.
"You're so serious and earnest, but you know how to have fun too. You have the best laugh I've ever heard. You work hard, you love your family and friends, you know where you're going and how you want to get there, you're not one of those women that defines herself by a man. But I would like to see if what we have, what we can build on from here, will let me be the man that stands beside you, that's there to catch you when you fall, and to cheer you on, when you need it."
"You're good at that. You cheered me on when I was waiting to hear from Columbia about law school," Alexis remembered. "I've never been able to talk to any guy I've dated the way I can talk to you. And I think about you all the time."
"I can talk to you like I've never been able to talk to a woman before. I think about you all the time too. I feel like we're going somewhere, and I want to find out where that somewhere is. But I want to be perfectly clear that I'm not just trying to get you into bed. It's so much more than that. It's..." He suddenly looked very young, but very sure at the same time. "It could be everything."
"It could be everything for me too," Alexis said. "I really want to find out."
"So let's find out," he said. "Starting with this date."
"Okay," Alexis agreed.
They walked out of Martha's building holding hands. Javier opened Alexis's car door for her before hurrying around to the other side. "So, where are we going?" Alexis asked once they were on the road.
"Brooklyn," Javier replied. "I don't think your dad and Beckett spend a lot of time in Brooklyn."
"Not to my knowledge, no," Alexis replied. "I don't either, really."
"It's called The Brooklyn Bazaar," Javier said. "It closed a while back while it switched locations, then it reopened. I've never taken a date there, but I think you might like it."
"I'll be there with you. That's one reason to like it already," Alexis replied.
When they walked into The Brooklyn Bazaar, Alexis's jaw literally dropped. "What is this place?" she asked.
"A little bit of everything," Javier said loudly over the noise. "There's an arcade, ping-pong, pool, mini golf, shopping, a food court. There's also karaoke, but you have to reserve rooms for that, and I didn't."
"This place is amazing!" Alexis exclaimed, spinning around in a slow circle.
Javier smiled, glad that Alexis liked The Brooklyn Bazaar so much. "What do you want to do first?" he asked.
"Mini golf?" Alexis asked.
"You got it," Javier replied.
The mini golf course was nine holes, and Alexis got a hole-in-one on the third hole. She won, shooting a 27 to his 39.
They played a few games of ping-pong next, and split their wins there, two games each.
At the food court, they got a little bit of everything: soft hot pretzels with mustard, tacos, and Javier had this monster-sized cheeseburger with fries on the side. Alexis had a Coke with her tacos and pretzel, and Javier had a beer to wash down his cheeseburger and fries and pretzel. They chatted easily as they ate, about nothing in particular and everything in between, from Kevin's upcoming sergeant's exam to the classes Alexis was taking for the fall semester to a case Javier and Kevin had closed, with help from the most recently promoted homicide detective at the 12th, Ann Hastings, who was engaged to marry her longtime boyfriend Paul Whittaker. They were planning a Valentine's Day wedding for next year.
Then Alexis went and got a brownie a la mode, drenched in hot fudge sauce, with two forks. She wordlessly pushed one of the forks across the table to Javier. Grinning, he cut a bite of brownie and ate it. Three bites in, Alexis chuckled. Javier swallowed and said, "What?"
"You have a glob of hot fudge sauce right here," she said, pointing to the right corner of her own mouth. Javier grabbed a napkin from the table and swiped at it, getting most of it, but missing the smallest bit. "You missed a spot," Alexis said, grabbing a napkin herself and wiping the small remaining bit of hot fudge from the corner of his mouth.
After they finished eating, they wandered through the marketplace, from vendor stall to vendor stall. "See anything you like?" Javier asked when they stopped at a jewelry stall.
"Not enough to buy," Alexis said so only he could hear her, not wanting to insult the vendor. "You want to go to the arcade now?"
"Sure," Javier agreed.
When they entered the arcade, Javier took in the roomful of video games and pinball machines and said, "Wow. I feel like I just stepped back to my junior high years." Looking around at the various video games he said, "Oh, man, After Burner! They've got Sega After Burner! I haven't seen this since I was in the eighth grade!" He hurried over to the machine. Alexis, well accustomed to enthusiasm over video games thanks to her dad, hurried after Javier.
"Were you any good?" she asked.
Javier rested one hand on the top of the machine; it was the kind where you climbed inside to sit and play the game. "I played every day for a year. I blew off an algebra midterm because I was cutting class because I was on a high-scoring run."
"Did you get the high score?" she asked.
Javier turned to look at Alexis with a grin. "Got to put my initials in the machine and everything," he said.
"So show me your After Burner moves already," Alexis said.
Javier played two games, losing the first one, but it all came back to him quickly, and he made a respectable score for not having played in such a long time.
Alexis then proceeded to shock Javier by getting such a high score on the Terminator game, which involved shooting a gun at the screen to vanquish the invaders, that she got to put her initials in the machine.
"Where'd you learn to shoot like that?" he asked when he recovered.
"I've been playing Laser Tag with my dad for twenty years," Alexis replied. "The same principle applies."
They went head-to-head at Pac-Man, with Alexis handily defeating Javier, and then Pole Position, where Javier beat Alexis by several laps.
Then they both spotted it: the machine filled with stuffed animals, requiring the player to maneuver the mechanical claw to grab one of the stuffed animals. Javier reached for Alexis's hand, and she slipped her hand in his as they headed over to the machine together.
Several minutes (and quarters) later, Javier had pulled a stuffed turtle from the machine, which he presented to Alexis with a flourish. The way she smiled at him made his heart stutter in his chest. "Thank you," she said.
"You're welcome," he replied.
The place was starting to clear out, and it was shortly after midnight. "I guess we'd probably better call it a night," Alexis said reluctantly.
"Yeah, we probably should," Javier agreed just as reluctantly.
As they walked out to the car, Javier said, "Is it too soon to ask you for a second date?"
"I don't think so," Alexis replied.
"I'm off again next Friday," he said.
"What time?" she asked.
"7:30?" he suggested. "Your pick where we go and what we do."
"All right," Alexis agreed.
They chatted easily on the way to Manhattan. When Javier pulled up in front of the loft, he parked the car and turned off the ignition. "I had a really great time tonight, Alexis," he said.
"I did too," she said. She smiled as she held up her turtle. "Thank you for Brooklyn."
"Brooklyn?" he asked.
"That's what I'm naming the turtle," Alexis replied. "To remind me of where we went for our first real date, where you won him for me. Not that I could ever forget tonight."
Javier smiled at her before getting out of the car and walking around to open the car door for Alexis. "Text me when you get home so I know you got there safely," she said. He opened his mouth to say something and she said, "Yes, I know, you're a cop, but I was born and raised in New York City. It's habit for me, so will you just text me, please?"
"Okay," Javier said.
They stood by his car for a long moment, just looking at each other, neither of them speaking.
"Thanks again for a wonderful first date," Alexis said.
"You're welcome, and thank you," Javier replied, "for a wonderful first date."
They would never be able to say who leaned in first...maybe because in actuality, they both leaned in at the same time...but there, on the sidewalk next to his car at the end of their first official date, Alexis and Javier kissed for the first time.
Alexis's lips were soft, her kiss was sweet, and she still tasted of the brownie they'd shared for dessert.
Javier's lips were firm but his kiss was tender, and she didn't even care that she could taste the onion from his cheeseburger just a little bit.
And they both felt great promise in that first kiss, there in the early morning hours of a late August Saturday.
Alexis pulled back and touched his face gently. It was only then that she noticed his fingers were tangled in her hair. "I'll text you as soon as I'm in the front door," he promised. "Good night, Alexis." He smoothed her hair before letting his hands fall to his sides.
"Good night, Javier," she replied, reaching out to straighten one side of his shirt collar, which was sticking straight up, before watching him turn and walk back to his car. When he got in the driver's side, he sat there, watching her. She realized he was waiting for her to get inside and upstairs safely. She gave him a little wave before she went inside and upstairs.
The loft was quiet. Her dad and Kate, thankfully, were asleep, or otherwise quietly occupied. Alexis made her way upstairs to her bedroom after locking up and setting the alarm.
When she was in her room, she kicked off her shoes and quickly texted Martha: "Best first date of my life. Javier was a complete gentleman, but I expected nothing less. Thanks again for everything. Love you, Gram."
A couple of minutes later, Martha texted Alexis back, "Good to know. Talk more later today. Love you too, kiddo. XO"
Alexis had just changed into one of her favorite tank tops and pairs of sleep shorts when her phone binged again, signaling an incoming text. It was Javier. "Home safe and sound. Sweet dreams, Lex."
"Sweet dreams, Javier," she texted back.
And at home, in his own bedroom, Javier Esposito grinned for the next few hours before he finally settled down enough to fall asleep, while in her own bedroom, Alexis Castle grinned herself to sleep in a matter of hours as well.
August gave way to September. The sergeant's exam loomed closer, and Kevin, Javier and Alexis went into overdrive helping Kevin prepare for it.
Javier and Alexis continued seeing each other whenever they could, and texting and talking on the phone when they couldn't, because his work or her classes kept them too busy.
Martha stayed in Pennsylvania as rehearsals for Steel Magnolias kicked into high gear, since Opening Night was at the end of September.
And then came what turned out to be a very fateful morning for Kate and Rick.
Kate winced as she got out of bed. Sore, tender breasts had never in her life been a symptom of her periods, but she'd been experiencing them for the past four days, and she was not liking it at all.
Rick was still asleep, since it was still before sunrise. After using the facilities, Kate frowned when she realized her period hadn't started after all.
But that frown quickly reversed itself when she realized for the first time that she was late.
Grabbing her phone from the nightstand, she pulled up the calendar app and went back to the previous month. There it was: right on time, as always. Kate Beckett's cycle was as regular as the GMT World Clock in London. It was one of the most consistent measures of time in her life.
Forwarding to the current month, she counted the days, and then sank down on the side of the bed in a state of hopeful shock, because she had just discovered her period was eight days late.
Her period was never eight days late. Ever. Not once.
Her free hand flew to her heart, and she winced again when her hand made contact with her sore breasts. She let her hand drift down to her abdomen, resting her palm over the flat surface where, she was thunderstruck to think, her and Rick's child might be growing right this very minute.
And a feeling that was becoming more and more familiar to Kate suffused her entire being in that instant.
Hope.
Returning her phone to the bedside table, she got back into bed and cradled her sleeping husband's cheek in her palm. "Rick," she said softly. "Wake up."
Fighting his way up through the layers of sleep, his eyes still closed, he murmured, "Hmm?"
"Babe, I'm late," Kate continued.
"Late for what?" he asked, confused. His still-sleep-fogged brain didn't know what Kate was talking about.
"Rick, I'm late," she emphasized.
And in that instant, Richard Castle put it all together, exactly what Kate was saying, exactly what she meant. His eyes popped open, and he jackknifed into a sitting position. He looked at her with mingled shock, awe, and hope, and saw those same emotions reflected in her eyes, and on her face.
"You're never late," he replied.
"Well, I am now. Eight days, as of this morning," she said.
"Do you think you're-" he started to say.
"Well, being eight days late, yeah, I'm thinking in that direction. That, and my breasts have been really sore and tender for the past four days," she said.
Then Rick was up and out of bed, charging around the room, haphazardly pulling clothes from drawers, both his and hers, and tossing them in the middle of their unmade bed. Then he suddenly stopped. "Wait, you don't have any pregnancy tests, do you?"
"No." Kate shook her head. "I was waiting until I thought we had a reason to use them to buy any."
He stood rooted to the spot. "This qualifies as a reason, right?"
"I'd say so," she said. She grabbed the clothes he had tossed on the bed, noting he had grabbed two of his t-shirts instead of one of hers, but he had managed to grab a pair of her yoga pants. He rushed into the bathroom to brush his teeth while Kate grabbed clean underwear for both of them, and hastily dressed, wincing again at the restrictiveness of her bra, but in the next instant, deciding that she honestly didn't care if her breasts hurt every day for the rest of her life if she was pregnant right now.
Rick emerged from the bathroom unshaven, his hair only partially tamed, still in his pajamas. "Clothes," he said.
"On the bed," Kate replied as she dashed into the bathroom herself. A quick tooth-brushing, face-washing, and application of antiperspirant later, she was pulling her hair into a quick ponytail when she stopped and stared at herself, really stared at herself, in the mirror, her eyes unable to look anywhere but her stomach. I hope you're in there, she thought. I really, really hope you're in there.
When she emerged from the bathroom, Rick was pacing the bedroom, in jeans and an unbuttoned maroon button-down shirt thrown over an oatmeal-colored t-shirt, holding Kate's Nikes. She took her shoes from him and sat down to put them on and lace them up.
They held hands all the way down in the elevator, and on the walk to the store, both of their brains and their hearts going a million miles a minute, all wrapped up in hopes and dreams and the tiniest frisson of fear that it wasn't what all the signs were pointing to it actually being.
At the store, they bought two pregnancy tests, and Kate grabbed a bottle of water and a bottle of orange juice from the cooler at the checkout counter. On the way back to the loft, Rick carried the shopping bag with the pregnancy tests in it, and a separate bag with Kate's water bottle in it. Kate drank the orange juice on the walk back, her fingers threaded through his. They still didn't speak, because this possibility was so enormous and so amazing, no words in any language of the world could possibly have done it justice.
When they got home, the ride up in the elevator seemed to take forever. When they entered the loft, they headed straight for the bedroom. Kate had finished the orange juice and started on the water now. Rick took the pregnancy tests into the bathroom, then returned to the bedroom as Kate set the half-empty water bottle on her bedside table.
She took his hands in hers and squeezed them. He squeezed her hands back, then stood there while she went into the bathroom and closed the door. After a few minutes, he heard her washing her hands, and then she opened the door. "Three minutes," she said. Rick fumbled his phone from his pocket and set the timer.
Kate sat down on the edge of the bed and Rick sat down next to her. He slid his arm around her waist, and she laid her head on his shoulder. "What are you thinking?" she asked him after several seconds, raising her head to look at him.
He turned his head to face her. "Everything," he replied honestly.
"Yeah, me too," she said.
He checked his phone. "Two minutes," he said.
"I want this so much," Kate said softly.
"She's in there," Rick said confidently. "Or he is. And I say that not just because of the evidence. I say that because she or he is half-Beckett, so this baby is too stubborn not to be in there, Kate. And no baby-to-be could possibly be as loved or wanted as ours."
She brushed her knuckles down his still-bristly cheek. "I haven't wanted anything this much since...well, since you," Kate said.
"Neither have I," Rick replied. "And look how that's turning out."
"Yeah," Kate agreed.
The timer went off then. Kate gripped Rick's hand and stood up, pulling him to his feet.
They walked into the bathroom hand in hand and up to the bathroom counter, where Kate had laid the pregnancy tests side by side.
They looked at each other. "On three?" Rick asked.
Kate nodded once. "One..." she said.
"Two..." Rick said.
Instead of saying "three," they dropped each other's hands and each of them picked up one of the pregnancy tests.
Rick looked at the pregnancy test in his hand.
Kate looked at the pregnancy test in her hand.
They looked up from the tests and looked into each other's eyes, exclaiming in unison, "It's positive!"
Kate then looked at the pregnancy test in Rick's hand, as Rick looked at the pregnancy test in Kate's hand.
Sure enough, each test had a very clear plus sign.
A sound, half-laugh and half-sob, burbled up from the depths of Kate's soul as her eyes filled with tears.
She looked at Rick. He was looking back at her with pure joy and wonder etched into his face, a look she would remember for the rest of their lives, and she saw tears welling up in his eyes too. He would later swear his heart did a somersault in his chest in that moment.
Without breaking each other's gaze, they simultaneously put the pregnancy tests back on the counter. They reached for each other at the same time, gently, Kate framing Rick's face in her hands and resting her forehead against his as his hands skimmed down her sides to her hips and pulled her gently against him. His kiss was achingly tender and filled with love and awe and elation, and she kissed him back with all of the love and joy and wonder she was feeling. She could taste his tears, and he could taste hers.
Rick broke the kiss to look into Kate's eyes. She wiped at his wet cheeks with the pads of her thumbs, and he cradled her face in his hands, wiping away some of the moisture from her cheeks ever so gently. "I love you so much, Kate," he rasped hoarsely.
Before she could tell him she loved him too, Rick dropped to his knees at her feet. He lifted up the t-shirt of his that she was wearing, and pressed a soft, sweet kiss below her belly button, where their baby was now growing. "I love you too, Sweetpea," he said after the kiss.
Kate looked down at Rick, who was looking up at her so earnestly and so excitedly and so lovingly. She dropped to her knees and rested one of her hands on his chest right over his heart, feeling how fast his heart was beating beneath her fingertips. "I love you too, Rick, so very much," she said, "and I love this baby already." She kissed him again, hard and fast, then mused aloud, "I wonder if I can get an appointment with Dr. Elliott today?"
"Dr. Elliott? Your OB/GYN?" Rick asked.
"Yeah," Kate said as she got to her feet. "It's not that I don't trust the tests, Rick, but I want it confirmed, and she'll be able to tell us when the baby's due."
"Say that again," Rick said as he got to his feet and followed Kate back into the bedroom.
Kate, knowing what Rick was referring to, repeated, "She'll be able to tell us when the baby's due."
"Not just any baby," Rick said, gathering Kate in his arms once more. "Our baby. Baby Beckett-Castle."
Kate beamed at Rick radiantly. "Our baby," she repeated. She took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. "This is really happening, isn't it?"
Rick released Kate to pluck her phone from her bedside table, and handed it to her. "Let's get it confirmed, today if we can," he said.
Kate scrolled through her contacts until she found Dr. Eliott's number and then made the call. "She can see us at 11," Kate said.
"Great!" Rick exclaimed.
Kate moved closer to Rick. "That means we have about two-and-a-half hours before we have to start getting ready to go to Dr. Elliott's office," she said.
"Mmm," Rick said as he pulled her into his arms again. "Whatever will we do with all that time?"
"I can think of a few things," she murmured before they started kissing again.
They were at Dr. Elliott's at 10:45, and while they were waiting to be called back to an exam room, Rick asked, "I can come to all your appointments, right?"
"Of course you can," Kate said, surprised. "Why would you think you couldn't?" When she saw the shift in his expression, she had her answer. "Meredith," she said, unable to keep the disgust out of her voice.
"Half the time, she claimed she just forgot to tell me. I'm still not sure how many of her appointments she actually kept," he admitted. "I only went to two appointments with Meredith: the first one, where the pregnancy was confirmed, and then she let me come along when she was having the ultrasound that revealed Alexis was a girl."
Kate fought down the wave of anger that welled in her at Meredith for excluding Rick during her pregnancy with Alexis, although knowing the woman as she did, she wasn't the least bit surprised to learn this had been the case. Kate rested her hand on Rick's knee. "I'm not doing any of this without you, Rick," she said firmly. "You're going to be at every appointment, and you're going to know everything the second I know it."
The nurse came into the waiting room and called Kate's name then. Rick beamed as he followed Kate back to the exam room. The nurse weighed Kate and took her blood pressure, then drew some blood. After Kate gave a urine sample, she changed into the paper gown.
Rick's smile grew wider when he saw Kate in the paper gown. "You're beautiful," he said.
"In this?" Kate asked, looking down at the gown. "Rick, these are maybe one step up from hospital gowns."
"You're beautiful," he repeated matter-of-factly.
"Spoken like a besotted husband and father-to-be." Kate and Rick both looked up to find Dr. Elliott standing in the exam room doorway, smiling at them. "Hello, Kate. It's good to see you. And you must be Rick."
"Yes," Rick said, shaking Dr. Elliott's hand after she entered the room. "Rick Castle, Kate's husband. It's nice to meet you, Dr. Elliott."
"I understand you're here to confirm a pregnancy," Dr. Elliott said, her smile growing wider.
"Yes," Kate said. "I took two pregnancy tests this morning that both came up positive, my period is eight days late and I'm never late, and I've had tender breasts for the past four days."
"Sounds like everything is pointing in that direction," Dr. Elliott agreed. She listened to Kate's heart and lungs. "When was your last period?" she asked. After Kate told her, she nodded and said, "You'd be about six weeks along, then. That would put the due date around mid-May."
"Mid-May?" Rick and Kate asked in unison. Rick covered his mouth, fighting tears, and looked at Kate, whose eyes were sparkling with pure happiness.
"I'll be able to narrow it down a bit more after we've confirmed the pregnancy, but yes, you're looking at a May baby, unless he or she decides to come early," Dr. Elliott replied.
"No," Kate said, smiling brighter than the sun. "No, this baby will definitely be born in May. I know it." She looked at Rick and reached for his hand. "A May birthday," she said softly.
"Yeah," Rick said thickly, swallowing hard past the lump of emotion in his throat.
They, of course, were both thinking the same thing: that when Kate was shot at Montgomery's funeral, that had happened in May. When Caleb Brown shot both of them in their own home, that happened in May.
But their first child was going to be born in May, and the joy of that event would far surpass the previous traumas that had occurred for them in May.
They looked at each other in amazement. "May," Kate whispered.
"May," Rick whispered back. Kate held out her hand, and Rick caught hold of it. He kissed her hand, then leaned in and kissed her lips softly.
Dr. Elliott looked at Kate's chart while she and Rick were kissing, then, when the kiss lingered, she cleared her throat as inconspicuously as she could.
"Oh," Rick said. "I'm sorry, Dr. Elliott."
But she waved him off. "Don't be," she said. "I much prefer the dads-to-be kissing the moms-to-be than fainting." She rolled a large machine up by the bottom of the exam table, by Kate's legs. "We can do a sonogram right now, and we'll be able to see the baby. That way we won't have to wait for what I'm 99% certain the blood and urine tests will reveal."
"Yes, Dr. Elliott, please, do the sonogram," Kate said.
"I had a feeling that's what you'd say," Dr. Elliott replied with a smile. She stepped away from Kate and Rick, then returned with a medium-sized tube. "This gel will be cold, Kate," Dr. Elliott warned.
Kate lay back on the exam table and pulled up her gown. She flinched when Dr. Elliott squirted the gel on her abdomen, sucking in a breath. "You weren't kidding," she said.
Dr. Elliott turned the machine on, then picked up the transducer and began running it over Kate's abdomen. Kate and Rick both focused on the screen in front of them, Rick having migrated up by Kate's head and found her hand again, which he was now holding in both of his own.
Dr. Elliott punched a few keys on the machine. "Uh huh," she announced after a long moment. Kate and Rick both had their gazes glued to the screen. "There's your uterus," she said, gesturing to the screen. Then she pointed to a tiny blob on the screen and announced, "And there's your baby."
Kate gasped. Rick exhaled a half-gasp, half-sob. "Oh my god," he said, his voice thick with emotion. Kate, too overcome to speak, squeezed his hand as hard as she could.
"It might be too early for this, but we'll give it a try anyway," Dr. Elliott said. She moved the transducer around on Kate's abdomen, then held it in place and punched another few keys on the machine. Then a rapid thump-thump-thump sound filled the room.
Kate fought to hold back a sob. "Is that-?" she asked.
Dr. Elliott smiled. "Yes, that's your baby's heartbeat," she said.
"Is it supposed to be that fast?" Kate asked anxiously.
"Yes," Dr. Elliott assured her. "Everything looks great. You have a very healthy fetus here who will be making his or her debut in mid-May of next year, from what I'm seeing here. Of course, the due date is just an estimate, but I'll say May 15 to put it squarely in the middle of the month, and tell you that you could go into labor two weeks in either direction from that date. But if you're still pregnant on Memorial Day, we'll induce you."
"The baby really is the size of a sweet pea," Rick murmured.
"At six weeks, yes," Dr. Elliott replied. She removed the transducer from Kate's abdomen, so they could no longer hear the baby's heartbeat, but it was still echoing in both of their heads.
Kate blinked rapidly. "Can we get some pictures?" she asked Dr. Elliott.
"Definitely," Dr. Elliott replied. "You can even get a DVD, with the sound of the heartbeat, if you'd like."
"We'd like," Rick said eagerly. "Please."
"Yes," Kate added.
"I'll go and get those for you, give you a few minutes," Dr. Elliott said. "Congratulations."
"Thank you, Dr. Elliott," Kate replied.
"Thanks," Rick added.
"My job's the easy part," Dr. Elliott said. "And you're welcome." Then she left.
When they were alone, Kate couldn't hold the tears back any longer. "We're having a baby," she said emotionally.
"Baby Beckett-Castle," Rick replied just as emotionally, tucking an errant strand of Kate's hair behind her ear. "I hope she looks like you."
"She?" Kate asked.
"Or he," Rick amended. "As long as the two of you are healthy and happy, that's all that matters."
Kate began to cry in earnest then. "I'm so happy," she said through her tears. "I didn't know I could be this happy. I love you. And I love our baby."
That was the moment it really hit Rick. Kate saw the look on his face and asked, "What? What is it?"
He started to laugh and cry at the same time. "Kate Beckett is having my baby," he said.
"If you start singing that horrible song, I will twist your ear," Kate warned him, but she couldn't wipe the smile off her face.
"No song," he promised. "At least, not that one. It's just..." He took a couple of breaths to try and keep the tears from overtaking him, and still his voice shook with emotion when he looked deeply into Kate's eyes and said, "I've dreamed about this so many times. I honestly have. Even before we were together, even before I was sure that you wanted kids with me, I wanted to be here, in this moment, with you, Kate, finding out that we made a baby, finding out that I was gonna be a dad again, but only with you as the mom. And it's happening. It's really happening."
Tears shone in his eyes and his voice cracked as he continued earnestly, "I'm gonna drive you crazy from now until May. I'm sorry in advance. I won't mean to do it, at least not every time. But you're having our baby, Kate, so whatever I can do to make things easier and better for you, I'll do it, even if you don't actually say anything first, hence the driving you crazy, but I'll only be doing it because I love you both and I want to take care of you both, but twist my ear enough times, and I'll get the hint eventually, I promise."
She leaned forward and kissed him quickly, this sweet, wonderful man who would, without a doubt, drive her crazy right on through giving birth, which made her love him even more than she already did. When she pulled back, she said, "I've dreamed about this too. Not for as long as you have, but I only ever wanted kids with you, Rick." She stroked his cheek. "Our child is so lucky to have you for a father."
"Our child has the best mother in the world," Rick replied, cupping the back of Kate's head in his palm. "No mother could love or protect their child more fiercely and more completely than you will love and protect our child, Kate." He rested his forehead against hers, and she wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging him.
Dr. Elliott returned then, carrying a stack of pictures, a DVD in an envelope, and a sheet of paper. "Here you are," she said. "Kate, I want you to start on prenatal vitamins immediately. I usually don't write prescriptions for them anymore except in special cases. This sheet lists the amount of each component the vitamin should include. If you can't keep them down, take a Flintstones chewable if you have to. And I want you to schedule your next appointment before you leave today." She handed the pictures and the DVD to Rick. "You can carry these, Rick. I take it I'll be seeing you at the next appointment as well?"
"You'll be seeing me at all the appointments, Dr. Elliott," Rick said with a grin.
They stopped at the receptionist's desk on the way out for Kate to make her next appointment, and then went to get the prenatal vitamins that Kate would need.
After getting the vitamins, Kate said, "Could we make one more stop before we go home?"
"The cemetery?" Rick asked softly.
"Yeah," Kate said. "We really aren't supposed to tell anybody until the end of the first trimester, but..."
Rick laid his hand on Kate's shoulder. "She should be the first to know."
Kate laid her hand on top of Rick's hand on her shoulder. "I hate that she's gonna miss this," she said emotionally.
"I know," Rick replied softly.
"When I was a teenager and she'd get really frustrated with me, she'd always say, 'Someday I hope you have a daughter who's just like you!'" Kate reminisced as her tears started again.
"That sounds great to me," Rick said honestly.
"You need to have a long talk with my dad, then," Kate replied. "You didn't know the teenage me. I had my moments."
"Hey, you're talking to the guy who got arrested for being naked when he 'borrowed' a police horse," Rick reminded her. "And I didn't even have adolescence as an excuse for that one."
Kate laughed, remembering their first case. "God help the women of New York City in another few decades if this kid is a boy and he's anything like you were that first night we met," she said.
"If that's the case, he'll find his own Beckett eventually and she'll straighten him out," Rick said confidently. "Speaking of, are we finding out if we're having a boy or a girl?"
"You'd obviously like to," Kate said, amused.
"From a practical standpoint, it's easier to buy stuff if we know whether we need to buy for a boy or a girl," Rick pointed out.
"That's true," Kate mused. She was silent for a few seconds and said, "Okay, let's find out."
"Really?" Rick asked eagerly, glancing over at her before returning his eyes to the road.
"Yes," Kate replied. "Like you said, it's easier to prepare if we know what we're having, and honestly, I can't wait to see the look on your face when Dr. Elliott tells us whether Baby Beckett-Castle is a boy or a girl." She gave him a dazzling smile that he turned to see before once again returning his attention to the road.
They arrived at the cemetery, and Rick drove down the lane nearest Johanna Beckett's grave and then stopped the car. But Kate made no move to get out. "You're coming with me," she said matter-of-factly.
"Are you sure?" Rick asked.
She reached across the console for his hand. "I'm not alone anymore, in anything. This is our news, so we're gonna tell my mom together, just like we'll tell everybody else together in a few months."
Kate was struck by the look in Rick's eyes—a look that mixed surprise and humble gratitude.
They walked side by side to Johanna Beckett's grave, Rick's hand at the small of Kate's back. When they were standing before the headstone, Kate knelt down and ran her fingertips over her mother's name. She bowed her head and took a couple of deep breaths, trying to fight the tears that were building, but when control wouldn't come, she lifted her head and focused, through her tears, on her mother's name.
"Mom, I'm pregnant. Rick and I are having a baby," she said without preamble. "I wish so much that you were here for this, but I promise you, your grandchild is going to know all about you. So will any others we have after this one." She wiped at her eyes with her free hand, her other hand still resting on Johanna's name. "I'm happy, Mom. Rick and I are both so happy...about the baby, about everything. Your wish for me...it's coming true, because I've never been happier."
Kate fell silent then, letting the tears in her eyes course down her cheeks. She felt Rick's hand on her shoulder a moment later, and let her free hand drift up to rest on top of his hand on her shoulder. Neither of them said anything as Kate knelt, with Rick standing behind her, his hand on her shoulder, her hand on top of his, for several minutes.
When Kate was all cried out, she looked over her shoulder at Rick, her eyes red-rimmed. He pulled her to her feet and into his arms. "She knew about me, about us," he said softly into her ear as they stood before Johanna's grave, holding each other. "She knows about the baby, I'm sure of it."
Kate sniffled, then drew back to look at Rick. "She would have loved being a grandma," she said wistfully. "And she would have been great."
"She'll still be great," Rick replied. "This child is going to know everything about Grandma Johanna that there is to know. It's not the same as her being here, I know, but your mom will still be a part of our baby's life. You and your dad will make sure of that."
Kate gave Rick a watery smile. "You're right, we will," she said, hoping that her dad would be able to talk to his grandchild about the grandmother he or she would never know. "So, where to now?"
"Well, since announcing our baby news on the Jumbotron in Times Square, or taking out a full-page announcement on the front page of the Times, or hiring a skywriter to tell all of Manhattan that we're expecting are all out, how about we go home and watch the sonogram DVD so we can hear the heartbeat and see the sweetpea again?" Rick asked.
Kate laughed, because all of Rick's ideas for announcements were just so him...but he was also smart enough to know that, as much as he wanted to, he couldn't do any of those things. "Sounds great to me," she said. She kissed her fingertips and touched them to her mother's name on the headstone.
She started to walk back to the car, but stopped when she realized Rick was standing before her mom's grave, looking at the headstone. He was speaking softly, but Kate heard every word he said, and it made her heart swell with so much love, she thought it might burst.
"I will love your daughter and grandchild with every fiber of my being and do everything in my power to make them both as happy as they make me for the rest of our lives, I swear it. And that applies to the kid or kids that come after this one, too."
Then he too kissed his fingertips and touched them to Johanna's name before turning to Kate. "Without her, I wouldn't have you or the sweetpea," he said.
"You're gonna call the baby 'Sweetpea,' aren't you?" Kate asked. "Like you call Alexis 'Pumpkin.'"
"I'll have to rethink it if we have a boy, but if she's a girl, then yes," Rick replied.
"I like it," Kate replied, taking his hand in hers and squeezing it. "I like it a lot. Now, take us home."
Rick beamed at her. "And we'll watch the DVD?" he asked as they walked back to the car hand in hand.
"We'll have to make sure we're alone," Kate said. "I'd like to tell everybody all at the same time...if they don't figure it out first."
"We have a few months," Rick said. "We'll come up with an excellent announcement plan-"
"Which does not involve skywriters, the Jumbotron in Times Square, or The New York Times," Kate interjected.
"-which does not involve any of those incredibly awesome things," Rick agreed, "and we'll tell them all together. That way, no one will feel slighted that they knew before someone else."
They got in the car, and Kate leaned across the console to give Rick a sizzling kiss. He responded in kind, and when he was all but panting, he broke the kiss and asked, "Can we do some more of that at home?"
"Oh yeah," Kate agreed as she buckled her seat belt. "We have a lot to celebrate."
"We sure do," Rick said as he started the car and drove them home, where, after making sure they were alone, they watched the sonogram DVD several times, marveling all over again at their little sweetpea and his or her heartbeat, and then spent a leisurely, languorous afternoon making love.
It is possible to hear the baby's heartbeat at six weeks, and any Beckett-Castle baby is going to be extraordinary, I think we can all agree. :-)
The Brooklyn Bazaar is a real place, but the arcade isn't as elaborate as I described here, from what I was able to read and see pictures of online.
Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, or just Happy Saturday, to all of you, depending on what you celebrate.
