The Venatori was dead. That knowledge should have been more satisfying than it was. In the end, however, it still left them here, with Elden still wounded, shivering violently and fading fast with no guarantee of survival and all Dorian could do was wrap him protectively in his arms. He just hoped that Elden could find some measure of peace, knowing that the person who had done this to him was dead and could never harm him again, for whatever that was worth.

For Dorian's part, he wouldn't find peace until they were back at Skyhold with Elden on the mend and he wouldn't accept anything less. He would not lose Elden, not now, not when they were so close. And if death was inevitable, Dorian wasn't going to give in without a fight. He could feel Elden going slack in his arms, still trembling, so he picked him up as gently as he could and carried him back to the stretcher. He laid him down, pulling off his own cloak to drape over Elden before checking his pulse. It was there, if faint, thank the Maker.

The battle wasn't over yet, more red templars were already arriving and Dorian knew they had to get out of there. Every second they were held up might be Elden's last. As he surveyed the scene, Cassandra suddenly appeared as his side, taking the rope tied to the litter. With her dragging Elden, Dorian was free to blaze a trail, quite literally as he let loose a fireball into a cluster of red templars. They broke through the line as they charged ahead, Dorian feeling a pang of guilt as the majority of their little group remained behind to cover their retreat.

It wasn't enough though. The templars just kept coming, breaking through the ranks of their allies and giving chase. Dorian paused long enough to get a shot off, causing spikes of ice to shoot up out of the ground, skewering a few templars. But then the sound of rustling branches in the tree above startled him and he spun around, hand already wreathed in fire, barely stopping himself in time when Sera dropped to the ground beside him.

"Maker, Sera, you're going to give me a heart attack. Maybe this isn't the best time to sneak up on me."

"Yeah, good to see you too, where've you been?"

"We got a bit held up," Dorian said.

"Tell us when we're back at Skyhold," Bull shouted as he and the others that had been separated from them since rescuing Elden ran past him and Dorian was fairly certain he'd never been so relieved to see them all.

As they positioned themselves on the path, ready to receive the templars, Dorian turned and sprinted after Cassandra and Elden and the scouts still with them. When he caught up, Elden looked so pale. Dorian felt like he couldn't breath as he begged the Maker and anyone else who might be listening not to take him, not now, not yet. And when Skyhold finally came into view, Dorian couldn't even bring himself to feel relief, knowing that he could still lose Elden even without the threat of templars.

Skyhold erupted into chaos the moment they crossed the gate, confusion and fear at the sight of the Inquisitor, but Dorian hardly paid them any mind. He was vaguely aware of Cassandra yelling commands, preparing to go back out there to assist their rest of them didn't even stop, several soldiers simply heaving the makeshift litter up onto their shoulders so they could carry Elden inside. Dorian followed close behind. No one tried to turn him away and he wasn't sure if his determination showed or if they were all simply in too much of a hurry to even notice his presence.


To Dorian, it felt like he had been sitting there in the corner of Elden's room for hours and still nothing was certain. Someone had come by at some point to see to his own wounds, and while he had tried to wave them away, he hadn't had the energy to really put up a fight. He let them do their job, as pointless as it was. He only had a few cuts, some patches of skin on his face and arm that had been exposed to the elements too long, burned red and blistering from the cold. It would have healed on its own given time.

Dorian's eyes never left Elden's bed. He could barely see him through the cluster of healers around him but he kept straining to catch a glimpse. He wasn't sure if he expected to see Elden lying there, ashen, no longer breathing, or completely well, smiling at him as if nothing had happened.

Vivienne arrived at some point, taking charge of the healers who came and went despite how drained she looked. No doubt the others who had stayed behind to fight were back as well but Dorian couldn't leave as much as he wanted to assure himself that they were alive. He couldn't leave Elden.

It took Dorian by surprise when the healers filed out, leaving him and Vivienne alone with Elden. He stood and approached slowly, his breath catching in his throat, terrified of what he might see. Elden was alive, lying shirtless on his bed, nothing evident externally to indicate the trauma he had been through. And yet he was so still, his chest barely rising and falling with his shallow breaths.

Was this it? After everything Elden had suffered, would he truly die here, slipping away in complete silence? He'd always known that not everyone would be getting out of this war alive, but not like this, not consumed from the inside, mind and body, left empty and still until he simply wasted away. It was too cruel. Elden was so full of life, he was good and kind and never deserved so much better than this.

"There was more damage than expected," she said. "We've done all we can, all that's left is to wait."

Dorian nodded, feeling numb. "Go rest, I'll watch him for a time."

Perhaps Vivienne knew arguing was pointless or she was simply too tired because she left him there, staring down at Elden. The door had barely closed when the tears began to fall. It wasn't fair. Life never was, though. It kept taking the good out of the world, first Felix and now possibly even Elden. And once again Dorian was left to helplessly watch as the people he cared for most, that deserved life and happiness more than anyone, slowly wasted away. There was fury and rage, but it gave way to a hopeless emptiness as he took Elden's hand, holding it tightly as he curled in on himself, shaking in silent sobs.


Dorian never left Elden's side if he could help it. The inner circle stopped by to see Elden from time to time, for whatever good that would do, and the healers had scheduled visits throughout the day and night so he wasn't exactly needed there, but he didn't care. Servants brought him food that Dorian often forgot to eat and Varric brought him his documents containing everything he knew about red lyrium, everything he'd learned trying to cure his brother. It wasn't even certain that the notes would be relevant since Elden was human, not dwarven, but at least it was something for Dorian to do.

The healers were keeping him stable, but there was no guarantee he'd ever regain consciousness, that his mind and body could ever properly recover from the damage the corruption had caused. A week had past when Elden's eyes finally opened. Dorian hadn't even noticed at first, so intent on the book he was reading, but slight movement caught his attention and his heart felt like it might stop, feeling relief and apprehension in equal measure.

"Do you know who I am?" he asked, trying to hide the urgency and desperation in his voice as Elden turned to look at him.

"Dorian?" Elden said in confusion and Dorian wasn't entirely sure if that was due to uncertainty of the answer or simply a reaction to the odd question.

"Do you know where we are?" Dorian asked next, feeling hopeful despite himself. He could speak, he was aware, surely these were good signs. He sat forward and took Elden's hand, book forgotten as it fell to the floor.

Elden glanced at the room before answering. "Skyhold. We made it." He closed his eyes with a relieved sigh before his eyes shot open again and he looked to Dorian again in concern. "What about the others? Are they-"

"All fine," Dorian soothed.

It was just like Elden to worry about others despite the state he was in and honestly that did wonders to reassure Dorian. The relief he felt was profound and he sighed, letting out a breath he felt like he had been holding for years, silently whispering a prayer of thanks as he lowered his head suddenly feeling exhausted, bringing a hand up to wipe at his aching eyes.

Dorian had imagined so many different scenarios of how this could have played out; Elden trapped in a nightmare forever, seeing friends as demons, or perhaps he would simply be empty, no spark behind those bright green eyes, unable to speak or function on his own. But he was awake and aware and Dorian couldn't be more overjoyed. No doubt Elden was thirsty as well. He helped him sit up enough to press a potion to his lips before laying him down again.

"I imagine, by the end of this, we're all going to be sick of the taste of elfroot," Dorian joked, the silence getting to him. Elden looked completely exhausted, the simple movement leaving him wrecked, so Dorian pulled the blanks up and tucked him back in. "Sleep. I'll be here when you wake next."

It looked as though Elden might say something, but he was simply too tired and quickly fell asleep. Dorian was left with his thoughts, which he was growing increasingly tired of. Now that he felt hopeful for Elden's condition, he couldn't help but think of other things. Like whether or not he had any right to be here now, to see Elden like this. They weren't in a relationship any longer, did he have any right to stay at his side? Would Elden even want him nearby?

Although Dorian supposed he would gladly accept Elden figuratively casting him out of his room if it meant he was well enough to do so. Not that Elden ever would. He was much too kind. And right now, he was still weak and Dorian had no plans to leave him alone. Elden had wanted him there before and Dorian wouldn't go as long as that still might be the case. And someone needed to keep an eye on him.


A cold breeze prickled at Dorian's skin, rousing him where he had fallen asleep in the chair at the inquisitor's bedside. He shivered, trying to remember if he'd left a window open, but as he sat up, his gaze fell on the empty bed and he froze. Panicked, he was on his feet in an instant, looking wildly around. He spotted Elden standing there on the balcony which was a relief, but he was so still it was unsettling.

Dorian was at his side in mere moments, gently taking Elden's arm and leading him back into the room, closing and locking the balcony just to be safe. Elden hadn't looked as though he'd planned to jump, but Dorian had no intention of risking it, not with memories of Elden standing on the cliff's edge so fresh in his mind. Besides, Elden's skin was cold to the touch, a startling contrast to the burning fever he'd had so far.

"Let's get you back to bed, shall we?" Dorian suggested. Elden looked dazed and barely seemed to comprehend what he was saying. "You really shouldn't be out for a stroll, you know. I've never seen a patient so determined to tear their stitches. You best be careful or Vivienne might not sew you up next time."

"Is this real?" Elden asked, looking more through him than at him. "Did I really get away?"

"Yes," Dorian said as soothingly as he could. "She's dead, remember? She can't hurt you anymore."

"I thought— I thought I was back there. I don't—"

He looked so lost and confused. All Dorian could do was put an arm around him and guide him into bed. "It'll be alright, you're safe, you just need to rest."

"And you'll be here when I wake up?"

"Yes," Dorian said, before second guessing himself, worrying that that might not have been the answer he'd wanted. "If you want me to be, that is?"

"Please," Elden whispered, his eyes already sliding closed as if they were far too heavy to remain open a second longer. "I'm scared, what if this is the dream?"

"Shh, I know," Dorian said, bundling Elden in blankets, using his magic to warn the room again. He took Elden's hand and held it tightly between both of his. "You're safe now. No one can hurt you now. Just rest."


In the morning, when the healers arrived, Elden was in good health, seeming alert and present to all of their relief. After so long terrified and on edge, Dorian felt like he could collapse. When had he last gotten a full night's sleep? He couldn't bring himself to believe it was all truly fine, however. What if there was some other complication? What if the red lyrium had taken hold after all and suddenly reappeared?

But despite everything, Elden was looking healthier and gone was the confusion from last night. Perhaps it had simply been nightmares confusing him. Up until now, Dorian had been at the edge of the bed, holding Elden's hand tightly in his own, but now he sat back farther, giving Elden space despite the way he desperately wanted to reach out to him, touch him. That wasn't his place any longer. It took him some time but eventually, once they were left alone again, he finally brought himself to speak.

"Can I stay?" Dorian asked, sounding uncharacteristically uncertain even to his own ears.

"Do you want to stay?" Elden asked, his expression frustratingly hard to read.

"It's a simple question," Dorian said, irritably getting the better of him. "Surely you can answer with a yes or a no instead of turning it back on me."

"Of course I do, but not if you don't want to be here." Elden said, his expression earnest and how could Dorian be annoyed with him for that? "Won't you tell me what you want? Do you want to stay?"

The careful mask Dorian always wore broke and Elden could see all of the fear and desperation and sadness he had tried so hard to keep hidden all this time.

"Yes," Dorian whispered. Elden reached out to him and he took his hand and Dorian felt guilty for it. "I'm sorry, this is all my fault."

"What? How could any of this possibly be your fault?" Elden asked looking genuinely confused.

"Our conversation, before you left," Dorian said, unable to look him in the eye. "You wouldn't have been distracted if it wasn't for my poor timing."

"My, you do think highly of yourself," Elden said, but it was a joke and he was smiling fondly at him.

"Have you met me? I assure you I have good reason," Dorian said, but it was his usual deflection and he knew it wouldn't fool Elden for a moment. "If not that, then would you care to tell me what happened?"

"It was a foolish mistake. We were actually planning on traveling that way anyway to investigate the red templar sightings. But I found tracks and foolishly followed them. I may have been too preoccupied to realize how dangerous that was, but that's hardly your fault. I had plenty to fret over with the endless stream of meetings with the advisors. And perhaps I was trying to prove to myself that I could handle it alone."

Elden looked away guiltily and Dorian remembered everything he had said while injured, so terrified of failure, of letting the Inquisition down, so sure he had no right to lead them. Dorian hated that there was so little he could do to help, but he could at least keep Elden from dwelling.

"Honestly, you have nothing to prove, but I must admit, now that I know the truth I'm a touch disappointed this isn't about me after all," Dorian joked, pleased when Elden pushed him playfully and Dorian couldn't help but chuckle.

"So what do we do now?" Elden asked.

"I'm not sure. I expected you to be more angry than you seem," Dorian admitted.

Elden was silent for a moment, staring at their hands linked together. "Would you tell me why?"

They needed to have that conversation sooner or later, might as well get it out of the way.

"For that I definitely owe you an apology," Dorian said with a sign. "The truth is, I lied. I was afraid the rumors were growing out of control."

"I told you, I don't care about them."

"But I do. I'd never be able to forgive myself if it ruined your reputation."

"They're going to find a reason to hate me matter what I do." Elden said. Dorian knew it was true but it was just so infuriating. Elden was good and kind and did more than anyone in this war and yet still people were looking for any reason to turn on him. "Maybe what we should have done was put out our own rumors, about how the Inquisitor is incredibly weak and the only reason the Inquisition has made it this far is because of his friends, especially a certain Tevinter mage who keeps helping him pick himself up every time he falls apart."

"No need to depreciate yourself on my account," Dorian said with a sad smile.

"It's the truth, though. I- I just wish you'd talked to me about it."

"I know, I should have." Dorian said quietly.

"And I understand why. I might have felt the same if our positions had been reversed and I can't fault you for that. I just miss you. Just do me a favor, even if you don't want this, don't push me away. Your friendship means a lot to me."

Dorian laughed weakly. "I didn't realize any of that was still an option."

"As long as you talk to me about what's bothering you," Elden said. "You've been there every step of the way for me, but I want to be there for you as well."

"You already have been. Too much, I fear. That's the problem here after all."

"I've done nothing," Elden said with a little laugh.

"Says the Lord Inquisitor," Dorian said but he sighed, looking at Elden seriously. "I just don't understand. How can this be so simple for you? How can I possibly deserve any sort of second chance?"

"Dorian, I'm anxious all the time, everything in my life is complicated. But when I'm with you? All of that is quieter. I can finally hear myself think for once and all I want to think about is you. I like being around you, I like making you laugh and seeing you smile. If you don't— if you don't feel the same, I won't fault you for it. we can end things here, go back to being friends. But if you do, then I want to try. I want to be at your side and I want to see where this goes, you and I. I know the journey won't be easy, it never is, we will both have to work hard at it, but I think it could be worth it. But more than anything I want you to be happy, and if walking away will do that then it's what I'll do. But making yourself do something that will make you unhappy will only leave us both miserable."

Dorian had to cover his face, to try to compose himself. How could he possibly deserve this man? He always did have a habit of sabotaging himself. Rebelling back in school, against his father. Then there was his inevitable fight with Alexius, pushing his mentor and subsequently Felix, his only friend, out of his life.

When he'd come south, he'd promised himself he would do the right thing, he'd be better and he'd make a difference. But once again, when happiness was within his grasp, he'd pushed Elden away, ruining the only relationship that had ever felt like this, that had ever been so real. Elden was much too good to offer him a second chance. Dorian could simply hurt them both all over again.

"I'm certainly not blameless here either," Elden continued. "I should have insisted we talk, I knew something had been bothering you, but I was afraid. So I left without a word."

"No," Dorian said, hating the idea that Elden might blame himself for this. "I didn't exactly leave things open for a conversation."

"We're supposed to be in this together, remember?" Elden said too earnestly. "We're on the same side."

"You are right, of course," Dorian said, rubbing at his face. "I fear I'm at a loss, because as selfish as it is, I don't want to walk away again. Where do we go from here?"

"How about you come up here and get some rest," Elden said with a fond smile. "We can talk more after we've both rested."

With his urging, Dorian crawled onto the bed. Elden curled against him, keeping his hand held tightly in his own. Having Elden's familiar warm weight against him was such a relief. He knew things weren't back to normal, they still had a long way to go, but the fact that Elden didn't hate him was more than he had hoped for. He knew he'd made a mess of things, he knew he had hurt Elden and betrayed his confidence. He would make it up to him, he would do what he should have from the beginning, stay by his side through all of this and make sure he could still smile by the end of it. And he'd make sure Elden was never hurt again.

"Maybe I'll have Leliana see what she can do about the rumors. And I'll have her send you a list of everything she's heard about you too." Elden said suddenly, taking him by surprise.

"Why exactly would I want that?" Dorian asked.

"It's not all bad. In fact, it's mostly positive. The majority seem to find our relationship sweet."

"Me? The evil Tevinter Magister? Sweet? That's certainly a new one."

"Don't worry, I won't tell anyone," Elden said with a sleepy yawn. "Will you still be here when I wake up?"

"Of course," Dorian said, kissing the back of Elden's hand and threading his fingers through his hair.

He paused, contemplating the weight of his words. There was so much to be said, so much to do. There was regret and affection and reassurances, but how could he ever put it all into words? How could he convey his sincerity? It would never be enough, would it? Instead, he would do everything in his power to show him all he felt until there was no doubt left in Elden's mind that he was treasured. As Elden's breathing slowed in sleep, Dorian whispered a single word, hoping desperately to convey at least a fraction of everything he felt.

"Amatus."

The corner of Elden's lips twitched up into a slight smile. He knew the significance of the word, all it represented to Dorian. It was terrifying how well Elden knew him, to be honest. But then, Dorian wouldn't have it any other way. It was comforting, in a way. Regardless, Dorian would call him his beloved until the end of time if possible. There were still doubts and fears, things in his past that couldn't so easily be banished and this horrible certainty that they weren't all getting out of this alive. But they were in this together. And Dorian never wanted to let him go again.