Hi to ya all out there!

So do ya all remember what happened in the previous chapter? Ya do?! Yay! So what was your thoughts about it? Please do tell!

Preavious Readers, I had originally planned something similar when I first wrote the story. But back then it was schedule to come much later. And I thought, hey, what the hell? Why not now? And I wanted to see if there is someone reacting to the changes I'm making. xD

Now, on to the story! ^^

Thanks for reading!


A Great Lost - Ninja Turtles

Chapter 9: Truth


The very next day I was allowed to go back to my own room, much to my joy. Though I was forbidden to overstrain my body and had to rest whenever Don told me to. I kinda have to admit I needed it because of the resent event, though I suspect it was cause he thought I needed the sleep more than the healing. Though my body wasn't used to the amount of sleep and rest Don had ordered me to and forcing it wasn't going to change anything. But I hate the sick room and the bed in there, it was too mushy for my taste. So to make it easy for the both of us and saving the arguments for something else, I had agreed to his terms. Also, I wasn't allowed to leave the lair for the two weeks to come. My punishment for hitting Mikey.

As I was having my first forced siesta, I lied in my hammock, facing the ceiling I know all too well. Instead of sleeping, I thought about the strange visit from our older brother, which I had yet told anyone about. I didn't know why, but I couldn't get it out of my mind. Of all the times I had asked, begged and even prayed for some kind of interaction, real or not, he chose that time? I ain't sure if I should be angry or glad that he had shown 'imself at all. Then there was all these things he said. Or rather didn't say. What the hell was up with that?

For a whole hour I had been lying here, thinking about what he wanted me to remember. He had know he was gonna die, but how? It couldn't be that he wanted to die and had decided; hey why not let today be the day i'm gonna die and why not be by the hands of the foot and right in front of my brothers, wouldn't that be a fun way to go! No, he wouldn't do that. There had to be another reason why he knew it. I had forced myself to go through the memory 'im dying a thousand time since then and still couldn't figure it out. Ya might think it would be easier by each time, but that's a lot of bull crap. Why did I torment myself with going through it when I wouldn't be able to find the answer any way?

Though I had begun seeing some of my mistakes. But going through all the "maybes" and "what if's" stages had I actually already, at some point, past and had accepted that I can't change what's already happened. But that didn't help me getting closer to the answer I was seeking, nor did it fit the question. At least I knew what I was supposed to remember, yet it had followed with even bigger questions.

Then there was the whole thing with the Shredder and Karai. Maybe she had had enough of his insane ways of doing things and wanted to get rid of him. Or maybe she was sick of being the second in command and wanted it all for herself? I wouldn't put it past her, she was just as wicked as 'im.

Knowing that I wouldn't get any answers from starring at a ceiling, I pushed myself out of the hammock and let my feet fall to the floor. My body was stiff from all the lying around and I began to roll my shoulders to loosen it. This bed-rest thing was really growing old. My wounds had healed and the stitched was gone, yet Don had ordered me to rest a few more days just to be sure it had healed completely, through that had been a few days ago and he still told me a few more days. Hell how many days does he think I need? I was fine, though a bit sore at times, but fine!

Walking out of my room, I scanned the lair. Good, Donny was nowhere to be seen. He was probably in his lab or at the garage working on the battle shell, my bets was on the lab. The battle shell hadn't been used that very much and with no Foot to fight or no run ins with Agent Bishop, the battle shell had remained whole. Though at times when Don was sick of the lair or angry at me or Mikey then he went up there to do some upgrades or whatever he does to get rid of some steam.

Even if I couldn't spot my genius-geeky-smart-ass of a brother, I could still spot my other one. Mikey sat in front of the TV, watching one of his crappy movies. Probably another one of those lame hero movies where the main guy is some geek and then get some powers and saves the world, and let's not forget the stupid outfits my brother loves.

As I headed for the nest room, I spotted movements in the kitchen and saw Masta Splinter in there preparing his afternoon tea. He was moving a bit slower than he once had and it seemed that he had it a bit more difficult in holding the pot still as he poured the water into the cup. Seeing 'im now made me think he looked a lot older than he did whenever he was around us. Like maybe he was putting up a show or something. My father froze and his ears got on the alert, like he was sensing someone was watching. Quickly I stepped away from the kitchen view before he spun around and saw me.

I went into the room which I was heading for. The bed was up against the far end of the wall, there was a thin but tall bookshelf which was practically empty except for a few books and a table which had been used as a desk. It was far of the smallest room, yet with it cleaned out it had done nothing to make it seem bigger. Maybe it seemed so small cause no one lived in it anymore. As I looked around I couldn't find any dust at all, which was strange cause as far as I knew, no one had been in there since we had cleaned it out. I knew we had said to use it as a guestroom, therefore the bed still remained, but we never had any guests. Though obviously one of us came up here to dust it.

Standing in the middle of the room, I let my eyes wander through the room like they were looking for something to help answer the question I asked over and over. "How did ya know ya were gonna die?"

When I had woken up the morning after I had asked both Donny and Mikey at different times what had happened. They had told me their versions of what had occurred when I had been unconscious. By the back-story from both of 'em, it had all fit together with the experience I had witness, except for the Leo part. I had also asked Don if ya could understand or be aware what happened around ya while being unconscious. He told me it was possible but he had never experienced it and of course he wanted to know why I asked suck a strange question. Naturally I told 'im some lame excuse and then left the room pretty quickly. Not the smartest move to do with the brain of the three of us and I would certainly be asked about it at some point. It would be a question one would expect from Mikey but not me, so I couldn't expect 'im to be nothing else than curious to know why I had asked.

"I know you will..." Leo's calm voice came back into my head.

I walked over to the door and to see if someone was near cause what I was going to do next was going to look completely insane if someone caught me doing. Now I really wished we had doors to our rooms. With the coast clear and I walked back into the room.

Back in the middle of the room, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath to tried to clear the doubtful-insane-and-ridicules thoughts before I asked, "Leo?"

I listened for a few seconds before I opened my eyes and scanned the room for my dead brother's ghost. Hell I felt like such an idiot doing this. I closed my eyes once again.

"Yo, Leo ya there? Can ya hear me?"

Once again I opened my eyes and looked around, finding nothing but me talking to an empty room. I felt childish, stupid. I was asking for a freaking ghost and hoping for 'im to appear and tell me all the answers. It was something like Mikey could come up with. Yeah, I was defiantly going insane.

Getting frustrated, I clenched my fists as I asked more demanding, "What the hell Leo! Ya said ya were watching, why can't ya show yaself when I need answers? Tell me how ya knew ya were gonna die tha night!" I scanned the room one more time. "Damn ya Leo!"

Getting even more frustrated, I started to walk in a circle. As my mind became tired and exhausted of repeating that day, instead my mind drifted to what Don had told me the night before. The idea of Shredder planning his own death and Karai agreeing on it just to kill us was just plainly ridiculous. They couldn't have known they woulda managed to take one of us down with 'im. What would that have accomplished? It's not like ya can bring someone back from the dead. Shredder may have a good bunch of scientists, but no one can accomplish that! Trust me, I know. I've been around a lot of magical stuff, other dimensions and even time travel. And none have the answer to bring people back from the dead. I've tried it all, except for the time travel, of course. For that ya need a time machine or whatever it was that brought us to the future and I ain't have one.

And isn't three years for revenge way over do? Why wait for so long if it even was possible? If Karai wants us dead then wouldn' the perfect time right after Leo had died? Not wait three years when there was a good chance we had recuperate. Or she knew that we could never really do it and Leo's death would destroy us and break us apart.

"Why, how... ya need to tell me!" Coming to a stop, I took a glance through the room once more. As that day went through my head for the one thousand and one time, a nagging feeling was starting to itch at the back of my head. There was something there. I was sure of it.

"Raph? Waddya doin' in here?" Mikey's surprised voice came from behind me. Startled I turned around to see both of my brothers in the doorway, looking at me with a mix of surprise and concern.

Oh no. Please don't let them have heard me. I stood there looking at 'im with my mouth open, trying to figure out a way to get me through the oncoming questions that was going to be thrown at me.

"Tell you what?" Don asked and stepped into the room, shattering all my hopes. Feeling cornered and busted at the same time, my mind tried to come up with a good explanation as much as an out, though it was too slow. "Tell you what, Raph?" Don asked again, crossing his arms over his plastron and giving me that narrowed eye look like he knew I was going to try to everything else but the truth and he would know I wasn't telling the truth.

As far as I knew, I had three options here. One, tell what ever lie my mind would come up with and then rush out before any questions asked, but being banned from going anywhere I was trapped and with the look Don was giving me, he would chase me and provoking the truth out of me until I exploded and we would end up fighting. Two, tell a semi truth but reflecting and rush out, leaving them confused and giving me time to come up with a better lie. And Three, tell the truth and end up being laughed at, feeling humiliated and they would think I was insane and lock me up, throwing away the key.

My options was slim. None which I preferred.

I looked at my brothers and I realized that I was tired of lying. It had distance myself from my family just like Leo had said and with our new threat, we needed to be whole again. I knew Don wouldn't like me to mention it again, but I had to make them see it.

After a deep breath, I answered his question. "Why he knew he would die."

Mikey seemed more confused while Donny got angry.

"Who?" asked Mikey.

"Are you still going on about that? Raph, Leo didn't know he was going to die that night," Don said, not even trying to hide his frustration in his tone.

"What're ya talkin' 'bout?" Mikey shifted his gaze between the two of us, more confused than ever.

"Raph thinks Leo knew he was going to die the night when he died," Don explained, his tone turning darker by each and every word.

"What?" Mikey turned to me, his confusion gone and replaced with a puzzled one. "Why would ya even think tha'?"

Feeling that I should have gone with one of the other options instead, I began to walk into the circle again as I tried to put my words carefully. "I-I don't know how to explain it without soundin' completely insane."

"Then ya're not doin' such a great job so far." Mikey stated, still standing in the doorway.

Turning to 'im, I yelled in frustration, "Shut up Mikey!" My patience was beginning to slip and having my brothers near was going to make them the target for my anger. Knowing me well enough, Mikey took a step back.

Don didn't budge and instead took a few step closer, his eyes still narrowed as he asked suspiciously, "Has it something to do with your question about being aware of things while being unconscious?" Don watched me closely and crossed his arms, waiting for me to answer. Probably reading my body languish, he knew I was holding something back. Most certainly thinking it had something to do with the attack and he was not going to let it go without a fight. Mikey mimicked 'im perfectly, crossing his arms over his chest even though it was clear he had not reached the same suspicion.

Knowing that I would not be able to get out of this, I prepared myself to tell them about my strange out-of-body-experience I had had, knowing full well that they would indeed laugh at me and call me crazy. Well, I might as well tell 'em the whole thing, it was too late to take it back now anyways. "After the attack when I had gotten home and collapsed, I..." The resistance of telling them incensed, but I pushed forward. "I kinda saw myself collapse."

Surely not expecting that to come out of my mouth, the both of 'em looked at me shocked and dumbfounded. "You... saw yourself collapse?" Mikey asked to confirm he had heard right.

The regret was punching in my mind. "Yeah... It was like I was a ghost. I was pretty sure I was dead." As they were processing my words and came to realize what I had said, I could see on 'em both they were about to burst into a hysterical laughter. Not that I blamed them, if someone had told me the same thing I would've called 'em lunatic. "And Leo was there."

Hesitantly I looked up at 'em when they didn't give a respond. At first they looked dumbfounded and just watched me. Then just as I had expected, they couldn't stop themselves and their laughter exploded into the room. For a whole six minutes, they laughed and joked and commented and laughed some more. During those six minutes of an embarrassing hell, I did not changed the dead serious expression on my face. Though it was one of the most embarrassing moments of my life. I thank my anger for not being able to show it, even if it was a close call a few times. The reason why I didn't explode and tell them to shut the fuck up like I normally would, was because I deep down wasn't so sure that I wasn't insane.

They finally stopped when it hurt too much to laugh.

Still having the laugher linger in his tone, Don asked, "Ahem. You were saying?"

Taking a deep breath, I tried telling 'em one more time. Both of them actually listened without any interruptions. But they had to fight hard against the urge to start laughing again. Whether they believed me or not, was not the issue for me. Actually putting words to the story, made me realize that it had happened, even if it only could have been a dream.

"So..." Mikey dragged out, still processing what he just had heard. "Ya're tryin' to say tha' Leo's still 'round?" The disbelief was clear in his voice and was still deciding if I had gone mental. But as each second went by, he would believe it was true, because that was something he believed.

"I don't know. Maybe," I said and shrugged my shoulders.

Donny was not as easy to persuaded. He believed in science and what he saw with his own eyes, otherwise he didn't believe in it. There was no actual proof ghost existed, despite all the ghost shows on TV. "That was just your subconscious showing you what you needed to see. You wanted to see Leo so badly that your mind made you dream about 'im," he said dismissive and annoyed. "And for the memory, your subconscious finally felt like you should deal with it."

"Then explain to me how I know Mikey went over to the sword before ya yelled at 'im to come back?" I countered.

"That's true. How could he've known?" Mikey asked and finally walked into the room to stand beside me. "We've been through a hell of a lot magic stuff. Who's to say it couldn't be true? We don't know what happens when we die."

Finally losing his cool, Don turned to Mikey and yelled, "Yes we do. You die and your body rots in the ground!" Both Mikey and I got shocked at his cold and blunt answer. "Don't give me that look Michelangelo. You know it's true. It's about time you stop hoping for miracles and realize that Leo is dead. He isn't coming back."

Hearing those harsh words coming out of Don't mouth had struck me dumbfounded. Mikey lingered beside me without saying a word. His body ridged stiff of anger and clenched his fists. Without even seeing it coming, Mikey hit Don on the jaw, before he stormed out of the room.

"What the hell, Don?" I yelled at 'im as he clenched his now sore jaw. I was about to give 'im the lecture of my life, though he beat me to it.

"Don't you dare come and lecture me," he warned me. "You are the worst of us. Storming off to watch a roof night after night? You need to stop with this idiotic selfish nonsense and begin to take some responsibilities. You need to pull your big head out of the freaking past and quit trying to kill yourself."

"I am not trying to kill myself!" I argued back.

"I am not talking about the attack. You have been starving yourself and not slept more than a couple of hours at night. No matter what you do, it won't change anything. He had no idea he was going to die and he is still going to be dead. We're all hurting, it's not just you. But it had been three years. Three years! We have a new threat on our hands and that needs to be dealt with before we get ourselves killed as well!" He finished and then turned around and walked out of Leo's room.

Standing there alone with the lecture on my tongue, I had no idea what to do. As the debate went through my head whether or not to go after 'im and give 'im the lecture or follow Mikey to see if he was okay, the lecture faded and I stood there with an empty mind. Apparently I had been a big fool to say the least. I had believed that I had kept it all from my family, when they had actually seen it all. I had been selfish. I knew well enough that Don, Mikey and Masta Splinter was hurting just as much as I did. But I had focused on my own as I had always done and fueled it and let it linger for three years. Everything Don had said was true, I needed to quit linger in the past and start to focus on the future. Leo was gone and he wasn't coming back.

This new enemy was threatening my remaining family. And I had sworn to protect 'em.

I had told Masta Splinter and Mikey about the attack, not to mention how I got hold of Leo's missing katana. None of them knew what to say about it, mostly because we all thought we would never see the glorious sword again. Clearly the attack had been a warning and a message that the Foot was back in New York and that Karai was out for revenge. Neither one could come up with a reason why she had waited for three years that didn't seem outstretched. And even though it pains me to admit, the Elite could've easily killed me if he wanted to.

Knowing that, I had to tell Masta Splinter that I needed to start training as well. We had to be prepared for what to come and we were nowhere near it. For too long we had let our grief break us down and it was about time for us to get back in action and become a team once agian. 'Cause our lives would depend on it. I walked out of the room to go and talk to Masta Splinter. As I turned to walk to the stairs, something caught the corner of my eye. Turning my head back to the room to see if I had really seen what I thought, it was as empty as I had left it.

I thought I had seen Leo standing there, smiling.

"I am always here..." His words entered my mind again and the flickering feeling returned.

It finally let go and I knew what it was I needed to remember. I didn't want to die. Not back then and certainly not now.


Anger and fury went though him as he walked into his room. Not caring about the stuff he had spread all over the floor, he just walked right over them. Some of the stuff cracked underneath his feet and when he was clear in his mind, he would defiantly regret it. But he would blame it on Donatello and demand that he would replace them. Before sitting down on his bed, he grabbed the ball on the floor. He threw it on the wall so it bounced back and coughed it just to throw it all over again. Imagine Don's ugly face on the wall, he threw the ball even harder. Still not able to believe that he could have said such a thing, true or not, was beyond Mikey. Who was he to tell him to stop believing in stuff? After everything they been through, how could Don not believe in miracles? They had seen plenty of them. It was because of miracles they where even alive at this point. He could count plenty of times when they should have died. The only time they didn't get a miracle, was when Leo died. Yeah, he knew that Leo wasn't coming back. Don didn't need to remind him of that. The empty room just next to his, the vacant seat at dinner, the lack of structure in their home, the grave at the farmhouse and about everything else reminded him of that. Everywhere you turned, there was a reminder of it. So yeah, he knew.

But that didn't stop him from believing that Leo was watching over them. And why not as a ghost? There was a reason why there was a bunch of movies, TV-shows and books about them. Hey! They existed! And to most people, they shouldn't be talking, walking and definitely not be fighting. Well, you know, like humans.

Throwing the ball as hard as he could, it bounced to the opposite wall and then went through the room until it hit the top shelf on one of the walls and all the stuff up there fell to the floor. Looking at the new mess mixed with the old, something caught his eyes. He walked over to it and grabbed a hold of the small wooden plank. Turning it over, he saw the letters and numbers burned into the nice piece of wood. It was a ouija board he had found back when he was a kid. He ad totally forgotten that he had one. Looking down around his feet, he looked for the planchette that belonged with it.

When he finally found it, he pushed some of the stuff away so that he could sit on the floor. Putting two fingers on the planchette, he realized that it was way to light to call upon a ghost. In the movies, they always did it when it was dark, so he went up to turn of the light. Then he remembered that he needed a candle so he could see what was going to be said on the board.

He didn't have any candles in his room and there was only one room that had some. Walking out of his room, he looked down at the sliding door that led to their father's room. Giving a glance through the lair, he couldn't spot his brothers. He didn't want to see them, especially not Don. But knowing him, he had probably gone to his lab or to the garage. Jumping down from the second level, he walked over to his father's door.

"Enter Michelangelo," his father's voice startle him as he had just reached it. Of course he knew that he was there, but it had always amazed him. And spooked him. After so many years, he had still not figured out how he did it. Leo had master some of it, but he had been nowhere near the same league as Master Splinter.

Sliding the door open, Mikey peaked his head through the opening. "Em... sorry to disturb ya, Master Splinter."

"You are not disturbing at all, Michelangelo. Please, come in," he said and turned away from the small table with the picture of Leo. All around the frame there was lit candles over them on the wall, was Leo's twin katanas.

It was no surprise for Mikey to see their father by the small alter he had made for his deceased son. But to Mikey it all seemed to depressing. Seeing the picture of Leo every day and all day long was something he couldn't do.

Mikey walked into the room, closing it behind him. It felt wrong to be in there. The familiar feeling of being lecture rose up in his stomach, even though he hadn't done anything. It was a feeling they all had learned from an early age and it didn't help that whenever they were in their father's room, they had done something and was going to be lectured and then punished. The worst chore he knew, was cleaning the bathroom but the worst punishment was when he was forbidden to use any kind of electronic that you could have fun with. He went stir-crazy within an hour.

Putting his knees down on the mat in front of his father, his eyes went down between his knees as it always did and always would do when he was in that room.

"Is there something you needed, my son?" he asked gently.

Reminding himself that he was not in there to be punished, he looked up at his father and answered, "Yeah. I wanted to ask ya if I could borrow a candle."

Tilting his head a little surprised, he stood up and took a few out from the drawer. "Of course," he said as he sat back down and handed Mikey the candles. "May I ask what you need them for?"

Looking up from the candles and at his father, he wasn't sure if he should tell him. Don had gone ballistic when Raph had told him about his experience and there was no way of telling how Master Splinter would react. "I just need 'em," he answered uncertainly.

Giving his son a soft nod, he put a gentle hand on his son's shoulder. "If there is something you want to talk about, you know I am here to listen."

Debating whether he should tell him about it all or just leave it alone, he came to the conclusion that he needed to know how their father viewed it. "Do ya believe Leo's watching over us?" He asked and examined his father's reaction face closely.

Knowing that his father was studying him, himself. He took a moment before he answered his question. "Death is a mystery that we will not know until we ourselves past from this life. We will all find the answer to it, but we should not hurry to get there. That is why I believe that your brother is protecting us and guiding us from the path where we will join him all too soon."

"So it's not wrong believeing tha' he's 'round? Even though we can't see 'im?"

A gentle smile crawled up on his father's face, and he shook his head gently. "No one can take away your beliefs, my son. Belief is something we all need, whether it is believing in God or believing in a cartoon hero." Hope began to crawl back into his mind and a smile crossed his face. "But be aware. Even though believing is a good thing, it can easily be mistaken for being delusional. Accepting the truth may be hard and painful, but living in a delusion is dangerous."

It dawned on him that Splinter had indeed heard the fight that the three of them had had. Nothing really went unnoticed from the old rat. It was kind of ridiculous of them to try it.

"I understand," he said stood up and turned to the door.

"Michelangelo." Turning back to his father, he continues. "I need you to go and get your brothers. I need to speak with you."

Nodding his head as a response, he couldn't help but feel a lecture was coming. Sliding the door close behind him, he walked up to his room and left the candles there before he went through their home to find his brothers. Raph was easy o find in his room, lying in his hammock and reading a bike magazine. Looking through the lair, Don was nowhere to be found and he had to go to the garage to find him. Reluctantly he had come with him and it had only been because Master Splinter had asked to see them all.

Once back inside their father's room, kneeling on the mat with his brothers beside him, he waited for the lecture to begin. As the quiet went on, neither of he or his brothers could not take a glance at the altar to their right.

"My sons," he finally began and they all turned up to look at him. Suddenly he seemed much older than he had appeared when Mikey had been in there just ten minutes ago. It shocked him. "The loss of your brother Leonardo has been very difficult for all of us. His sudden death has affected us all, some different and some similar." The three of them glanced at each other, blaming one another for the destruction of their family. "None of you are to blame each other."

"But Master Splinter-" All three of them was about to protest but stopped as he pulled his hand, requiring them to stay silent.

"I should not have let it happened. Therefore I am to blame. I am your father and I should have help you through your sorrow. Instead I let my own grief take a hold of me." Looking up at his sons, Mikey could see the pain, regret and remorse in his father's teary eyes. "I am so sorry, my sons for not being there for you all when you needed me the most."

The feeling of selfishness suddenly stroke upon Mikey. Their father had been battling both grief and regret. None of them had really thought of checking how he had cooped with it all. They may have lost a brother, but their father had lost something a father should never lose, a son. Even with the life they had lived, their father had always though he was going to die first, just as a parent should.

"Because of that, it pains me that I have to tell you this," he said, his voice breaking a little. Alarmed, the three of them looked at their father, dreading whatever that was going to be said next. "I am dying."

Shocked beyond belief, Mikey's mind got empty.

"What? How?" Donny asked in disbelief.

"I have been sick for a few years now. It was right around when we lost your brother that I realized something was wrong. I did not want to burden you more so I asked our friend Leatherhead. Unfortunate I have got cancer."

Master Splinter told them about his illness and how long he had been struggling with it. He also told them how he had found out and how he had thought of the best way of telling them. Eventually, everything he told them just blurred together as Mikey couldn't believe that it was all going to happen again and that it was way too soon. The child within him began to cry and scream at whatever decided who lived and died and why it wanted to punish their small family so. While his body went numb and there was just a shell of it left.

That night, he went to bed in fear of falling asleep and wake up with his father already gone. The nightmares was already threatening him of closing his eyes. But as he was crying, he finally fell into a deep sleep with no dream or nightmare. The next day, he woke up just to be the one to find their father's lifeless body.


What?! No! No no no no! WHY? Haven't they already lost enough? Don't you think so too? Right? Oh no, no no. Why?

Maybe next chapter will be... Buhu... Let's have some hope!

Please review!

See ya soonish!