Craig

"And then the Grand Wizard King used Flame Strike, which totally defeated the two Elves in our way," Clyde said excitedly from Token's coffee table, now his stage. "But then the Elven King distracted him. I, of course, went right for the stick. No one was going to get in my way!" From behind the bar, Craig rolled his eyes as Clyde brandished his wooden sword. He couldn't deny that the story was pretty fucking epic, but he wasn't going to just say that.

Tweek, on the other hand, was on the edge of his seat, staring at Clyde in awe, no qualms in showing his exuberance. "Did you g-get it?" the blond asked, his tone excited. Without anyone looking at him, Craig didn't feel bad about smiling slightly at his enthusiasm. "What happened?!"

Crouching low, Clyde said, in a hushed stage whisper, "Lady McCormick and I were so close, the stick was in our sights. I was defending her as she shot the Drow Elves in our path with her bow, nothing could possibly stop us, but then!" He started forward, eliciting a squeak from Tweek. "Chris Donnely intercepted us."

"Isn't he that blond kid?" Token asked, glancing up from his book with mild interest that Craig knew only too well held a genuine fascination. "I didn't realize he'd sided with Kyle." Craig had to admit, his friends had really gotten into the game, despite not having joined yet, apart from Clyde. To be honest, the only reason Craig wasn't part of it as well was that he still wasn't sure if he wanted to get into something that involved Cartman.

"Yeah, but he's a level twelve Ranger now," Clyde insisted, his eyes widening. "He has fearsome power, having trained directly under Stan." Turning back to Tweek, who was serving as his main audience, Clyde continued, "I thought we'd lost already, seeing as I'm only a level six Warrior and Princess Kenny just passed level ten, but the future of Kupa Keep hung in the balance. I couldn't just give up!"

"OH JESUS, THAT'S SO MUCH PRESSURE!" Tweek shrieked tugging on his hair, even as he kept staring at Clyde. "What if he killed you? Did he defeat you!?" Grabbing for one of the strange grape sodas Token's family had brought back from Italy, Craig scooped up a butter knife to help him pry off the bottle top before heading back towards the couch.

"We traded blows for a bit," Clyde said, waving his sword in demonstration. "But his shots were too powerful, and I found myself disarmed. I thought all hope was lost." Popping the top of his bottle and catching the cap before it escaped him, Craig sat down next to Tweek, who only scooted over a little to make room for him. They ended up squashed together, not that Craig really cared.

"OH GOD!" Tweek screamed, twitching violently. With a short exhale of breath, Craig balanced his drink on the edge of the table Clyde was standing on so he could grab Tweek's thermos and hand it to him. Clutching at it the moment the container was close enough to grab, Tweek quickly asked, "Did you get your sword back and strike him down with Warrior's Might?"

"There was no way for me to get my sword back, I was at his mercy!" Clyde exclaimed. Tweek screeched and fumbled with his coffee, trying to open his thermos to get at the coffee inside. Patiently, Craig unscrewed the lid for Tweek before taking a drink of his own soda.

"So what did you do?" Craig asked flatly. Turning towards him, Clyde let a smile creep over his face.

"Chris might be powerful, but the Lady McCormick had several tricks up her sleeve." With a cackle, Clyde announced, "Faced with certain death, the Princess used her greatest weapon. Her deadly charm! With the Lady's ample cleavage in his face, even a Ranger like Chris Donnely was powerless. The stick was ours!"

Token snorted and Craig rolled his eyes again but Tweek cheered, almost spilling his coffee. Wrapping his free arm around the easily excitable blonde's shoulders, Craig calmed him down almost at once, saving Token's couch from certain stains. "Then you grabbed the stick?!" Tweek clarified, still vibrating under Craig's arm.

"With Stan occupied by Paladin Butters and the Elven King caught in a vicious argument with the Grand Wizard King, there was no one left to stop me. While Princess Kenny distracted Chris, I lunged forward, seized my sword, and slashed the ties that had been placed over the stick to bind its power." Clyde's eyes shone with pride as he puffed out his chest and exclaimed. "I had the stick in my possession and was halfway back to Kupa Keep before they realized that the battle had already been won. It's now secure in the possession of the Grand Wizard King."

"OH MY GOD CLYDE!" Tweek shivered in Craig's hold, probably from pure excitement as opposed to anything else. "Did you l-level up!? Just being in the –ngh- presence of the Stick of Truth would give you more power, right? B-because that thing controls the universe!"

Clyde's sword came dangerously close to poking out Tweek's eye as he jabbed it at the blond, which made the boy scream and push himself into Craig's side. "Two levels Teacup!" Clyde announced, using the strange nickname he'd developed for the short boy. "I'm a level eight warrior now, I even learned a new move."

"That's pretty impressive," Token admitted, closing his book and setting it aside. Grabbing a clipboard that was resting on the side of his chair, the boy pulled out a pencil and started scribbling down something. "How did you say the Elven defenses were placed again?"

Leaning forward, Craig countered, "How the Elves were defending the castle doesn't matter, not when their archers are far more powerful than your basic human warrior. With Cartman's wizard powers, you have a chance, but you need something better, or you need to work with that handicap." With the free hand that wasn't wrapped around Tweek's shoulder, Craig swatted at Clyde's sword. "You've got one, but you need at least five."

"They've got Mages," Token pointed out, adding something to his clipboard full of notes.

"Grr!" Tweek twitched against Craig's side. "Th-that's not enough! Their Rangers are made to directly fight against Mages! You'll all be massacred!" He had a fair point, Rangers had a natural resistance to most battle magicks that made them perfect to fight Mages. It was quite possibly the worst case scenario for a group with primarily magic to run across a group of Rangers.

"But we won this time," Clyde pointed out. Craig had to admit that arguing about the dynamics of the fantasy world Cartman had created was rather fun. Part of him was just itching to join the game for real but he hadn't yet gotten the push that would make him do it. Ever since bringing it up that first time, Tweek had entirely dropped the idea of joining, so Craig hadn't brought it up again. "Why change a strategy that works?"

"Because now you have three mages and at least eight warriors out of commission for the next few days whereas the Elves could recoup their losses overnight," Token said, his brows furrowed in concentration as he scribbled over his clipboard. "Cartman's throwing you guys at Kyle because he has the advantage of numbers, but Kyle could recruit more people at any time, destroying that advantage. You need more skill."

If I were part of the game, I could bring that skill. I'd probably be a thief. Craig could still remember that being one of Tweek's suggestions for what character he could be. Considering how good he was getting at sneaking into Tweek's room without even alerting the blond to his presence, Craig had to admit that the idea did sound appealing. "So either you need the element of stealth," Craig suggested, gesturing with his grape soda.

"Or you n-need brute force!" Tweek agreed, nodding voraciously. Downing some more of his coffee, the blond added, "Or you could just get a better strategy."

"I think at this stage of the game, a better strategy would be your best bet." Revealing what he'd been working on, Token showed the other three a rather detailed sketch of the Drow Elf Kingdom. "They're pretty much all centered on this one tree, right?" he clarified, tapping it with his pencil. "With Archers stationed wherever possible."

"And Rangers on the ground and on the larger branches," Clyde elaborated eagerly, nodding along. "We were being shot at before we even knew what was happening while we were still trying to deal with the ground troops."

"What you're going to have to do is distract those Archers while you're tackling the Rangers on the ground." Craig nodded in agreement with the black boy's assessment. "I'd suggest a smaller ground force, with more emphasis on getting up that tree. Once you're in close combat with the Archers, they aren't going to be able to do much good."

"We don't have enough people for that," Clyde lamented, clearly frustrated. Jumping down off of Token's coffee table, the boy traded blows with some invisible opponent before sagging. "We just lost four warriors this last week due to parents banning them from playing. Even with the stick, I don't know if it's enough."

"I've been meaning to join actually," Token commented, setting aside his plans, probably for further study later. "I've been thinking about going as a Cleric, you know, more for the healing aspect than the whole fire from heaven shtick. You guys don't seem to have many good healers, just Scot Malkinson and he's mostly a Ranger."

"That would be sweet dude!" Clyde exclaimed, perking up at once. "Cartman would totally take you on as a healer!" He frowned for a moment, before muttering, "Actually, he might try to make you the Blacksmith but I'm pretty sure you can talk him out of it."

Token rolled his eyes. "Whatever, he'd be stupid not to take on a Cleric. Considering how much damage his strategies cause, I'd level up in no time. Then I'd also have some superior holy magic that could help against the archers while also having the ability to protect and heal those around me." Craig had to admit it made sense, so he said as much.

"Cartman might be an idiot but he's not suicidal, he knows he can't keep this shit up forever." Dragging his thumb over Tweek's shoulder absently as he spoke, Craig continued, "By the end of the week, he's going to be hurting for someone to help get his wounded men back in commission. If you step in now and pitch it so he knows he'll be saving himself from humiliating defeat by taking you on, you'll have it in the bag."

Tweek bobbed his head in excitement, his hair tickling Craig's neck. "Y-You'd be so badass dude! Everyone would be terrified of you!" His green eyes shone as he spoke, distracting Craig despite how interesting he found the subject. "If he lets you dual-class, you could get some good –ghn- close range combat and be practically invincible."

"He wouldn't be able to beat me," Clyde challenged, brandishing his sword at Token. "None of you would stand a chance against me. I'm one of the Grand Wizard's most powerful Warriors right now. You would have to be really high level to take me down."

"Or we'd just need a separate fighting style you couldn't cope with," Craig suggested flatly, taking some of the wind out of Clyde's sails. "Though it sounds like you have most of the classes already worked out, so you already know that."

"I wish we could join!" Tweek squeaked suddenly, prompting Craig to move his arm and look down at the boy, who was already staring at him with shining eyes. "It would be s-so much fun!" Wiggling and twitching in his seat, the blond quickly asked Clyde, "Do you think Cartman would let us join?"

Clyde's eyes widened as if surprised that Tweek would want to play, before sliding his sword into an imaginary sheath and walking over to where the blond sat. "Hmm, it depends on your usefulness to the Grand Wizard King." Pretending to poke Tweek in the forehead, which still managed to earn him a shriek, Clyde said, "I dunno Teacup, you might be able to join up with Token and dual class as a Cleric Mage."

Picturing Tweek drowning in a white robe that was way too big on him, Craig raised an eyebrow at Clyde. "You sure he wouldn't make a better Mage period? I'm not sure if healing magic is going to be his thing."

"GAH!" Suddenly, Tweek bounced up and stood on the couch, twitching and wobbling as he did so. "NO WAY MAN! I wouldn't do magic!" Raising his thermos, he let out a spastic growl and announced, "I'd totally be a berserker! It's what you guys need, you just have a bunch of warriors but what you need is a –ngh- tank!"

"So like a barbarian?" Token questioned, raising his eyebrows and chuckling. "Yeah Tweek, I'm sure the other side would be really scared of you." His lightly mocking tone earned him another growl from Tweek, who was waving his thermos around like a club. Clutched in his small hands, Craig had to admit he could totally see it. With his wild hair and some face paint, he'd pull it off…

"COME ON!" Tweek screeched, leaping from the couch onto the now vacant coffee table. Brandishing his chosen weapon at Clyde, the blond insisted, "I'd have less defensive maneuvers than n-normal Warrior, but I'd be faster and stronger!" Taking a swing at an imaginary enemy, Tweek exclaimed, "I could kick ass! And protect those around me while I'm at it!"

"Dude, that's totally what Cartman's looking for!" Clyde exclaimed, getting excited as well. "You could do so much damage to the Rangers because you wouldn't have any magic at all! That would be awesome and not overpowered at all because your defense is poor." At this, Tweek let out another shriek and held his thermos above his head, his eyes wild and excited.

"What do you think Craig?" Tweek asked, swiveling to face the boy before leaping back to the couch, which hardly even registered his weight. Climbing onto the back, Tweek swayed back and forth as he waved his thermos. "Do you think I'd m-make a good barbarian?! Do you think I'd look –grr- dangerous?"

As one particularly wild swing threw the boy off balance, Craig abandoned his empty soda bottle in favor of sweeping Tweek off of the back of the couch. With a scream, Tweek fell backwards, right into Craig's arms. Trembling, Tweek let out another growl, to which Craig didn't react. "I think you'd make a kick-ass barbarian," the Noirette said stoically, nodding as he spoke.

Eyes lighting up in excitement, Tweek glanced over Craig's shoulder and gave a screech of, "RRRrr! I'll kill you all!" before wrapping an arm around Craig's neck so he could trade blows with Clyde, who'd been sneaking up on Craig. Tumbling out of Craig's hold with another shriek, Tweek was instantly up and back on the coffee table, quick enough that he could keep fighting Clyde.

"Come on Teacup!" Clyde challenged with a laugh, his wooden sword causing Tweek's thermos to clang every time they glanced off each other. "How are you going to be a barbarian if this is the best you've got. Show me your wild rage!"

Parrying Clyde's blows with clumsy movements, Tweek suddenly roared, "I AM MAN AT HIS MOST MAN! FEAR ME!" Knocking Clyde's sword out of his hand, Tweek took a flying leap at the boy, tackling him to the ground with a twitchy roar. Jabbing the fallen warrior's chest with his thermos turned club, Tweek exclaimed, "I am unbeatable!"

Laughing hard enough to keep him from breathing properly, Clyde called, "Oh the horror! Who will save me from the fearsome might of Tweek Tweak the famous berserker?" Watching Tweek brandish his thermos above his head, wild hair flying everywhere, Craig had to fight a smile. Deciding to join in while he could, Craig snatched up the forgotten butter knife he'd left on the seat beside him and pulled down his chullo till it almost covered his eyes.

Rising, Craig loomed over Tweek, who hadn't noticed him, and jabbed him lightly under the ribs with the blunt knife. With a shriek of fear, Tweek let out a cry of, "OH JESUS!" before spinning around and leaping off of Clyde. "You can't stop me!" he yelled at Craig, batting away the Noirette's knife with his thermos. The way he grinned up at Craig like he couldn't possibly have been happier, made Craig's chest feel too tight.

"I have power you could only ever dream of," Craig told him, still in his usual deadpan. Flipping the knife so he was holding the dull blade, Craig poked Tweek between the eyes, eliciting a squeak from him that left a confusing feeling in the taller boy's gut. Tossing his knife in the air, Craig only just barely caught the handle in time to deflect another wild blow.

As Craig swept his blade right over Tweek's head, ruffling his hair, the blond thrust out his chest and let out a bellow. "YOU HAVE AWAKENED THE BEAST INSIDE ME!" With a screech, he launched himself at Craig, knocking the Noirette to the floor, dislodging the boy's hat in the process. Crouching over his fallen victim, Tweek lowered his head, causing his hair to fall around his face. "You're powerless against me!" Tweek squeaked, jabbing at Craig's forehead with his thermos before letting out one of those breathless giggles.

Spread out beneath Tweek, with those impossibly green eyes fixed on him, Craig quietly agreed, "I'm powerless against you."

Though Craig would shove it to the back of his mind after that afternoon, in that moment, the taller boy was struck with just how true that statement was.

But it was over before it really began and Tweek reared up, kneeling on Craig's chest so he could wave his thermos around triumphantly. "I have felled the mighty Craig."

Token let out a laugh at that. Craning his neck so he could see the black boy, Craig watched as he waved his hands and announced, "By the holy power bestowed on me, I use Radiant Light on Craig, healing him for seventy points of damage, granting him a fighting bonus!"

"Hey wait!" Tweek exclaimed, his eyes widening almost comically as Craig suddenly surged up, seizing his shoulders and flipping their positions. Straddling Tweek's thin bony hips, Craig pinned the blonde's hands above his head and smirked, just for Tweek.

"Not so powerful now, are you?" he taunted as Tweek struggled and let out a cry of protest, even as he fought back laughter.

"Now I've got you both!" Clyde suddenly announced, rushing at them from behind. Eyes fixing on Clyde, Tweek struggled free and squirmed out from under Craig, catching the boy's sword with his thermos. "Surrender!" Clyde called.

"Never!" Tweek squeaked. "No one touches Craig, my Thief!" Grabbing for his knife, Craig jumped onto the couch used it to get around behind Clyde. Suddenly seizing the boy in a hold, Craig pressed the dull side of the butter knife against the Warrior's neck.

"I think that we won this one," he said, his flat voice managing to convey mockery. At the sign that the battle had been won, Tweek let out a fake war cry, spinning in a happy circle as Token clapped and cheered.

Holding up his hands in surrender, Clyde laughed helplessly. Letting him go, Craig raised his eyebrows at Tweek, who grinned from ear to ear and held up his thermos like a club once more. "You make an awesome Thief, Craig!" Tweek exclaimed, twitching to one side.

"If I stacked up stealth and defense, with a pretty good surprise attack bonus, I think it could really work," Craig agreed, already working out the semantics of his character in his head. Sticking his butter knife in his belt, Craig tugged down his chullo like a hood and announced, "I'd be epic as a Thief."

"With Tweek's strength and your stealth, you two would make a badass duo," Token acknowledged as Clyde's laughter died away. Imagining Tweek standing before him with a club while he defended against the people trying to hit him, Craig had to admit that it sounded pretty sweet. Besides, it would be something new, instead of just being a warrior.

"So are you going to join?" Clyde asked, wiping a tear of mirth from his eye. "I can put in a good word for you and even take you directly to Kupa Keep."

Looking to Tweek, who nodded eagerly, Craig definitively said, "Tomorrow. Tomorrow we'll approach Cartman about it." Because if he was playing with Tweek, Craig had to admit that any game would be awesome.