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A Great Lost - Ninja Turtles

Chapter 17: Six Feet Marks a Grave


The furious roar from above me would be alarming if I wasn't so consumed in the task I had put upon myself. The rain was nearly going horizontal and splashing hard against my shell. I couldn't really distinguish the sound of the rain hitting my shell from the rain hitting the ground, it all sounded the same to me. Yet the weather wasn't really the element which I should be most afraid off, no it was the trees. The wind was so strong that I had a hard time in staying put in the hole I had dug in the ground and making the trees bend violently. Fortunately for me, the mud had grown almost knee deep and it prevented me from being taken by the storm.

From somewhere further into the forest, I could hear the aggressive snapping and breaking of wood. I couldn't even remember ever seeing such a violent storm like this one before. And yet, I wasn't afraid of what was happening around me. I was more scared of the hole I was making.

Common sense had never been something I've had and not even losing my family would magically give me that. No, it would be more of the opposite. The only thought the violence around me brought was that I would actually have the lightning struck down or have a tree crush me rather than having to face the future I was heading at. It would mean that everything would be over and I would be free of it all. No more worry. No grief, no confusion and no pain. Just like that it would all be gone.

After everything that had happened, what was the point in keep fighting, if we would all end up dead anyway? Maybe the dead are the ones better off. We who still lives may be the ones who are fooling ourselves, that we actually can survive in this world. Maybe this grave should be mine?

Would that be such a bad thought? Hadn't I already thought about it a few weeks back?

The last twenty-four hours had been far the worst in my life. So much that I couldn't even make sense of it all. I was still convinced I was going crazy and this was something my insane mind had cooked up to torment me even further. Sometimes I had a hard time to distinguish what was real and what was not. I had never believed in ghost before and yet I was seeing a lot of them lately. But when I saw the ghost of my baby brother when I was still convinced he wasn't truly lost to us, I realized I must be insane. The memory of the familiar emerald green, though transparent, standing next to his body was still very strong in my mind.

I had no idea how much electricity I had put through my baby brother's body just to hopefully get his heart to beat even once. His body had buckled and jumped up from the floor in the most twisted and sickening way only to fall flat down again completely unmoving. Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew that the chances of Mikey ever waking up was extremely slim. But the stubborn part of me was refusing to give up, cause if I did, then it would mean I had failed to protect them. Not only because of the promise I had made to Leo, but I had failed to protect them as an older brother and their only protector. Mikey's body would have to be fried before I would've ever begun to consider thinking he would be gone forever.

Growing desperate, I had done something that I had only done one time before; I had prayed to whatever force, god, essence or higher power there was out there to save my baby brother's life.

"Please don't take Mikey," I had cried as I had watched Mikey's body buckle violently upwards again for what seemed like the hundredth time.

It had scared me close to death the first time his body buckled underneath my hands. Never had I thought that we could bend so much backwards with our shells. For the longest time his body stayed in that position, or maybe it had just seemed that way as time had turned nonexistent, but eventually his body had relaxed once again against the cold floor of the abandoned warehouse we used as a garage. The thought of him being able to feel the torment which I had put his body through, had lingered in my mind throughout the whole ordeal. Had he known how desperate we were to get him back? Had he been watching us like I had watched him and Donny save me?

I remember that it had suddenly grown very cold around me. Like the temperature had just dropped a few degrees for no logical reason. Not long after that, I had thought that I had seen two pair of green feet, emerald and leaf green colors. Next to them stood a pair of gray paws. My eyes had shot up to where the bodies would have been and for a split second, I thought that I saw them - a transparent Mikey with a sad and a hesitant look over him and standing next to him with a hand on his shoulder a transparent Leo who seemed to urge him on and a much the same Mastah Splinter. But as soon as my eyes had really gotten the time to focus, there was no one there and the temperature had gone back to normal. Quickly my eyes had scanned the warehouse, but the only ones inside it was me, Don and Mikey's all too still body.

For whatever reason, Mikey had chosen then to make the most beautiful sound in the whole wide world - he had taken a deep but raspy breath, shortly followed with another one. Shocked or/and surprised, I had snapped back to his form and had dropped the chargers before letting myself to just fall over him and taken him into a big protective embrace before sobbing like nothing else. It hadn't taken long for Don to join in and for just a short while, the tree of us had just sat there, taking in all the emotions of happiness, relief, fear and grief while thanking whatever it was that had given us our baby brother back.

The small happiness had not remained for too long. Mikey's heart may have begun to beat again and he was breathing, but he had not gained consciousness which meant he was not out of danger. Though Donny had done his best in fixing his wounds, he was no where nearly finished. Knowing that, I had laid Mikey down on the cold floor once again and Don had been quick to move in to continue to save our brother's life. But as long as Mikey was breathing, I still had hope.

Knowing that he had been breathing again, I had moved out of Don's way and leaned against a pillar a couple of feet away. My leg had began to make itself known again and reminded me that I was wounded. Feeling lightheaded for a number of reasons, I had closed my eyes and just welcomed the darkness and quiet for a moment while I let the tears fall down my cheeks.

"It's going to be alright, little brother," I remember a hushed voice reaching me through the darkness.

The next thing I remembered was Don's voice shouting; "Raph. Raph!"

My eyes had not wasted any time to shoot open and in an instant fallen upon Mikey's form, though most of Donny had been covering it from my sight, I could still tell from that small look that he had not stopped breathing and he was still alive.

Still that had not prevented the worry to break through with the only question which could make it go away; "Is he okay 'n what's tha burnin' smell?"

Turning slightly to also look at our baby brother, Don had said with a tired and just as worried tone; "If you mean he's out of danger? -Yeah, for now. But if he is okay? -No, no he's not."

Though being confused by the vague answer and also knowing what the conflicted tone in Don't voice meant, I had ignored the growing pit of dread in my stomach which had urged me not ask the question I already knew the answer to and had turned to look Donny in the eyes. "Whadoya mean by that? He's alive ain't he?"

With a heavy sigh, Don had taken a moment to carefully consider his words as he knew I wasn't really going to take his answer good. He had given me a quick glance before he had turned to look at Mikey again. Another sigh followed with a loud gulp, Don had explained in a way which I had only though happened in movies; "I mean we won't know if he's okay until he wakes up-" Turning to me, fresh tears had made their way once again into Donny's eyes. "-if he wakes up."

And as expected, I had gone into a fit of rage. "Whadaya mean "if"?Of course he's gonna wake up. He has ta!" I had roared, my own voice breaking in denial and force. "There ain't no way he's gonna leave us here just so he can take a fuckin' siesta! He's gonna wake up, cause Mikey wouldn't do tha ta us!"

The rant had continued but I couldn't remember what I had said and what Don had argued against it with, cause all I remember was the rage and denial. And in the middle of it all, I had tried to convince him just as much as myself that Mikey wasn't going to die. I didn't see it then, but Don desperately wanted to believe in what I had said and a part of him probably clung to it more than his logical and fact ridden mind normally would permit, but still he knew far more of how these things worked than I ever would. That being the cruel fate of being the doctor of the family.

Crawling back to Mikey's side, I had grabbed his only hand and gripped it tightly in my own before pleading for him to open his eyes. The pleading had quickly turned into a familiar song which had remained in my head ever since. It had not taken long until I had uncover from where I had original heard it from. It was the same chant I had sung back when Leo had been ambushed by the Elite ninjas for the first time and been so badly hurt that he just wouldn't wake up. It had taken all our presence, mine, Mikey, Donny, Mastah Splinter, Casey and April's to encourage him to come back to us. But there was only Donny and me left and I had been terrified that it wouldn't be enough.

"It's not safe here, Raph. We need to go," Don's voice had brought me out of my repeating chant. A hand had been place upon my shoulder and I had slightly turned to look at Don but still had kept an eye on Mikey. Once he had my full attention, he had continued, "That-" he considered his words carefully for a slight moment before settling to the only word he saw fit, "-thing- is still out there. It knows where the lair is. We can't stay here."

Looking down at Mikey again, I knew Don was right. If we stayed for too long there was a no doubt that Leo would find us. He might have been heading there as we spoke.

"I know."

"We should go to the farmhouse. Even if that thing would know where it is, it will buy us some time," Don had spoke before standing up. "I will go grab some of the equipment I may need and then we will go as quickly as possible. I don't know how much time we have left..."

For three years I had pretended that time didn't exist. That time wasn't important. Yet time had changed everything and I had not recognized it once the time had begun to spin again. The hour we had been given before we were gonna be hunted down like prays by the elite ninja with the face of our dead brother had been when I finally understood how precious time was again and I had been wasting enough of it.

I had decided that I wouldn't waist anymore if I could do something about it. So I grabbed the shovel again, ignoring my aching hands and raw skin and plunged it into the mix of mud and water. With a overfull scoop, I shoveled it aside onto the already growing pile next to the grave. There was still three feet to go and with the ongoing storm, there wasn't a chance in hell that it would stop me.

Don had gone and grabbed everything he thought we may need to keep Mikey alive and other useful things. Exactly what he had grabbed, I had no idea as I was too occupied in getting Mikey into the van and make sure he was still with us. I remember Don taking a seat next to me a few times just to check on Mikey before he returned to fill the van.

Though it had not been the first time I had seen Mikey lying unconscious, it certainly was the first I had ever seen him in such a crucial state. Don had managed to stop the bleeding from his stump of an left arm, but the way he had done it... it was sickening, yet the only way. I was glad that I had missed it but the smell of burnt flesh had still remained strong and wasn't gonna leave me for a very, very long time, if ever.

"Why does this keep happenin' ta us?" I remember asking to no one in particular, yet to everything out there. "What have we done ta deserve this?"

Gazing up upon the sky, with the same questions in mind, I hoped that somewhere out there laid the answers to them. All we ever had wanted was to keep the city we loved safe. Sure we wanted adventure, the thrill and of course fun. But the price for that, did we really had to pay for it with the lives of our family and friends? As I gazed up upon the sky for answers to my many questions, I was shaken by surprise when I saw Mastah Splinter's face within the clouds. It was like he was looking down on me with a knowing expression and that he would nothing more than anything take away the pain, confusion and sorrow. I didn't dare to blink as I knew when I would, he wasn't going to be there when I opened them again. It didn't matter if it was all in my head, which it most definitely was and I knew that, but... I didn't know what to believe anymore.

But the rain water was running into my eyes and I couldn't hold back the lids from taking away the burning irritation from them. As I frantically got rid of the rain from my eyes, I quickly gazed back up on the clouds again to find Mastah Splinter again. But to my despair, he was gone.

There is not much that I remember about the ride to Casey's grandma's farmhouse. Just a lot of quiet, worry and the agony of the ongoing road ahead. But when we had finally reached the house, it was in the early morning hours and the sun had already begun to rise. By then I was extremely tired and was far beyond the spare energy I didn't have, although somehow I had not yet fallen.

We had not wanted to move Mikey that far, so we had laid him down on the lounge couch which we all had been occupying at one point since we first came up here. Then we got to the fun part, the waiting game and had grabbed the only armchairs around and sat down.

"Ya should get some sleep. I'll watch 'im," I remember saying to Don, but it had been more of an order than a suggestion. Before he had been able to protest, I had turned to him and said; "I'll fetch ya if somethin' happens."

Still he had been reluctant and I had seen that he wanted to argue. But I knew he was too exhausted and even though he hadn't complained about the pain, there was no denying it that he felt it.

"Ya can't help 'im if ya're about ta drop at any second. Take a second look at yar eye 'n' take care of it. Then get some sleep or if ya prefer I'll knock ya out myself."

"I would really like to see you try. You're not really on the alert either," Don had retorted back, but there had been no sharpness to his tone. Knowing that I wouldn't budge, he had done as I had told him and gone up the stairs to the bedrooms.

I remember that I had been watching the rise and fall of Mikey's chest. I had been so relieved that he actually could breathe on his own, but still Don had hooked him up to an IV bag and a bag of blood. Outside rain had began to lightly fall and was drowning out the sound of the small drops from the bag.

Speaking of rain, the storm I was caught in seemed to lift a little. The wind wasn't as strong anymore and the rain was falling straight down again. Still heavy as before, but at least it did not hit me right in the face.

Cold and wet, I kept a firm grip on the shovel and pushed through the last of the mud which would bring me past the four feet mark. I was beyond the numbness in my fingers and hands and if it wasn't so dark, I would probably not recognize the color they most defiantly had by now.

I don't know for how long I watched over Mikey before I had finally given in to the exhaustion. Darkness had pulled at me, demanding my attention but I had fought it off as hard as I could. I had been too frightened to leave Mikey alone. What if he had stopped breathing while I was snoozing?

For the longest time I had ignored my rocking head and my heavy eyelids. I was dead seat on not leaving my baby brother alone as long as he needed me. Only when there was a familiar voice calling me from within the darkness, did I let my guard down and let myself slip.

As soon as my eyes had closed, darkness drowned me and kept a firm hold. For the longest time I just remained in the dreamless sleep, yet it had felt like it wasn't even close enough to the rest I had needed. Only when the familiar voice had called out to me again in the darkness, did it ease its grip on me.

"Hi, Raph."

The happiness that voice had brought me in the past where nowhere in sight. Instead there was only anger, rage and hatred which came in its stead. If there was a way to turn around in complete darkness within your mind, then that was exactly what I had done.

"What tha fuck daya want?" I had demanded with a loud growl at the sight of my older brother.

He stood at a little distance away, with an expressionless look which had been staring back at me. His head had tilted a bit to the right quite innocently and nonchalantly.

"Not too happy to see me, I guess. Why is that?" He had asked, matching his expression like he had no clue of the reason to my wrath.

The rage and fury I had felt up on the rooftop had come crushing down and all I could see was red. I had lunched at him without as much as a warning. My hands had gone for my sais and pulled them out with the quick and swift motion I had when I was in physical body. There had been nothing in the darkness to holding me back and I let the emotions take complete control over my actions.

Though I had managed to roar out; "Like ya don't know already ya asshole!"

Leo had made no indication of moving or defending himself. He had just stood there, looking at me with that same expression and tilted his head a bit more to the right. I plunged the first sai into his chest and had aimed for his heart and the other one into his abdomen. But my precious weapons had just gone through him, along with myself. I had fallen into a roll but had been quick to get up on my feet again. He did not turn around, which should've been my first clue, but as furious as I had been, noting would really register in my mind at that time. I had lunched at him again, kicking, screaming and punching with my sais, but no matter my hard efforts for revenge it was to no avail.

The small energy I had recovered from the sleep had slipped away all to quickly and had left me barley able to pull my punches.

As I had slowed down, a small plead escaped that treacherous mouth; "Raph..."

No matter my effort, he had not vanished. I was breathing heavily even though it had only all been in my mind and not been any real physical fatigue. Yet I had felt more exhausted than if it had been a real fight. I had kept my distance from the brother I so badly wanted to kill, eyeing him with the hatred I felt.

In a desperate try to regain some control, I had asked with a menacing growl; "Wha tha fuck daya want?"

He had looked right at me, but he kept his silence. A hurt expression had crossed his face and it had looked like he didn't know what to say. But silence had never been my strong suit and I wouldn't let that stop me from getting the answers I so desperately wanted.

"Why?" I had demanded and his expression shifted to a puzzled one. "Why did ya do it?!"

"Do what?"

"Ya almost freakin' killed Mikey, that's tha fuck what!" I had roared as harsh as I possibly could. "He's fuckin' dyin' 'n' that's all 'cause of ya!" I pointed my sai at him accusingly.

Still puzzled, Leo had just kept staring at me like he hadn't believed me. "But... I'm dead, remember?" He had answered with a cold calm which sent razors down my spine. "Didn't I die, Raph?"

"How the fuck should I know?!" I had roared back through gritting teeth. " One moment ya're dead 'n' haunting me, the next ya're alive 'n' hunting me. I don't know what the fuck this is, or what that fucker out there is-" I pointed behind me, referring to what had happened. "-but all I know is this; when I see ya again, I'm gonna fuckin' kill ya for what ya did to Mikey, Don, April, Casey and Mastah Splinter! Mark my words for it! Yar goin' ta fuckin' pay for it all!" My powerful roar bounced around in the darkness like an echo, which had shocked at how brutal it all sounded and to whom I had threatened.

But the threat had not fazed him at all and all he had done, was to stare back at me with pity. "You know I would never hurt any of you," He had said almost in a whisper, but I had heard it. "You're my brothers, my family. Why would I hurt you?"

The word family had almost made me burn of anger. "Ya tell me that! I don't even know if it really was ya!" I yelled and had thrown my sai down hard to the ground, but the darkness underneath me swallowed it.

As my eyes had fixated on the spot where my precious weapon had disappeared, the hurt in Leo's tone had disappeared as well and had been replaced with the calm and innocent tone he had from the start. "How come?" He had asked, his head tilting again. "Don't you know your own brother?"

My eyes had shot back up at him and my tone had dipped to a dark one, letting him know he had been threading on a thin line. "Ya'er dead. I watched ya die, ya shithead."

"Am I, Raph?" He had asked challenging, his expression taking on a serious edge.

A bit thrown off, I had taken a step back a bit uncertain at this sudden change in his approach. "How the hell should I know?! Yes! ..No... Maybe... Ya tell me. What the fuck are ya?"

He had taken a step forward, still challenging me. "I don't know. What am I, Raphael?"

My sight had flickered to anywhere else than to his form, like I had been searching for something to switch his attention to. "... How should I know..." I had said uncertainty clear in my tone. "It's not like ya're tellin' me that. I don't know what to believe. I fought that thing and I knew there was something I recognized in his fighting style. But I couldn't figure it out until he showed me his face." My eyes had fallen upon him once again. "Yar face. But ya're dead."

He had gotten a few step closer and his tone was dipping with something dark as he had asked; "Am I dead Raphael?"

Finally getting sick of the questions and uncertainty, I had composure myself and the anger had once again found its way back. "Why are ya always asking me questions? Why won't ya give me any fuckin' answers ta my damn questions?!" I had challenged him back. "I need answers damn it! And don't ya fuckin' dare tell me that ya can't give me any, cause that is a lot of bull shit. Why the hell are ya smiling?"

A so Leo like smile had pasted itself on his mouth, almost like he had been proud of me. "Am I haunting you from beyond the grave or am I just your subconscious in the form of your brother trying to tell you something?" He had asked as he walked up to my side.

"That's what I like to know."

We stood side to side, both had been facing different directions yet we were staring into each other's eyes. I had know it was getting close to the end of the weird dream.

He had placed a hand on my right shoulder like he had done so many times when he had been alive. He had even given it a small squeeze which I still could feel slightly if I let myself.

He had let go and then walked into the darkness behind me. "Then figure it out."

Turning slightly, I had asked him; "How am I supposed to do that when ya ain't tellin' me shit? Hey! Leo!" But once my eyes had reached his face, the darkness had swallowed him whole.

I remember waking up and feeling all confused as I had always done since I had started to see Leo within my dreams. His words still lingered in my head and I was still unsure whether he was haunting me or if it was my subconscious playing games on me. Alter all I had seen there was no easy way to find an answer to that.

The storm wasn't letting up anytime soon, and I was curtain I would be digging through the whole storm. With two feet more to go, I was beginning to feel a bit claustrophobic. My head was the only thing sticking up through the whole and the walls was caving in from the water pouring in.

If Mikey was here he would defiantly compare me to a serial killer who was digging the grave for his next victim and throw as many jokes as he could possibly think up until I would be so annoyed at him that I would threaten to bury him in it. How ironic.

That dream had lingered with me longer than the rest. Thinking about them all, I realized he had never really answered any of my questions and left me with even more of them. I had been so caught up with my thoughts that I hadn't realized that someone was moving around in the room.

The presence wasn't dangerous so there was no need to be alarmed. I had looked up and saw Donny standing by Mikey's side and checking up on him. My eyes had fallen on Mikey and even I could see there had been no change from where I had been sitting. I remember I had been relieved. Even if it hadn't gotten better at least it hadn't gotten any worse while I had fallen asleep.

My eyes had turned to the window and saw that the sun stood low. I had slept most of the day away. I couldn't believe that I let myself fall asleep and left Mikey all alone. What if something had happened during that time? I would've never forgiven myself if it had. I was ashamed of myself as I watched Donny take care of our baby brother.

After a while I couldn't take it, I had to know how Mikey was. "How's he doin'?"

Either Don knew I was awake or he hadn't had the energy to flinch, I didn't know which, he slightly turned to look at me before going back to put fresh bandages on his arm before he answered with a tired tone, "He's about the same."

Even though I knew it, it was a bit comforting to hear it being said out loud and coming from somebody else. I looked down on my own injury and saw fresh bandages there too. Apparently Don had managed to change them as I had been asleep. I must have really been out of it if I hadn't noticed.

Once finished, Don had taken the seat at the armchair he had occupied for a brief moment early that morning. The two of us had sat there in complete silence for a moment as we had watched over Mikey. The steady rising and falling of Mikey's chest was the only thing which was important. I had silently asked Mikey to please wake up when Don had interrupted my thoughts.

"I called Casey," he said out of the blue.

I had turned to look at him as I had asked with concern; "How's April? Is she okay?"

He hadn't turned to look at me as he had answered with a low tone; "She got out of the surgery around noon and taken to the ICU. She hasn't woken up yet..." His head lowered to look down at the floor and his voice had taken a spiteful tone. "Her spinal cord was severed just below the waist. She's... she's been paralyzed from the waist down." He had turned to stare right into my eyes as he had continued; "The doctors believe it was caused from a knife wound."

His intense stare never wavered from mine as he had watched the information sink in.

I remember saying that I was sure it was that elite who had put their apartment on fire but at that time I didn't know that he was my brother or a clone who looked like him. The rage and fury I had felt then was still as intense as ever, but after knowing whose face was underneath that cloth and hat I had had a hard time knowing at whom or what I should channel it all at. All I knew was that I couldn't let go of the little control I had managed to obtain so far.

Now I let that control slip as I dug deeper into the dirt and mud which was mixed with rain water. All rage, anger, hatred, confusion and agony I poured into every thrust and heave with the shovel, making me throw the dirt even further than I have to. But I didn't care. Not even the storm above my head was even close to as angry as I was of the events that had happened the past twenty-four hours.

"Did ya tell 'im?" I had asked Donny.

He had turned to look at Mikey as he spoke with a dark tone; "About this thing who has the face of our dead brother? No, I didn't have to. Leo told Casey about this fourth uncle of his who had hurt his mommy and setting their home on fire."

My mind had gone straight at cursing at Karai. Why did she have to involve an innocent woman and child to our feud. They had done nothing to deserve the wraith of the Foot. Karai was truly as vicious as her father had been. And just as cowardly. She didn't even have the honor to do it herself, instead she had taint the memory of Leonardo and let this imposter or brainwashed or whatever do the deed.

"Damned that bitch!" I had roared with loath. "How ta hell could she've gotten through with this shit without us even knowin' 'bout it? How ta hell did she get her hands on Leo-"

"That isn't Leo!" Don had snapped before I could finish my sentence. "There is no way he would ever hurt us, brainwashed or not! Leo would rather die than let that happen and he did!"

"Ain't that a bit naive to think that? Sure the guy never did hurt us, but that ain't meant he never thought about it!" I had retorted back.

After all I had gone through with Leo I had to think that. I defiantly had thought about hurting my brothers at least a few times when I got really angry and feed up with them but that didn't mean I would ever act on it. Leo and I fought almost at a daily basis and most of them got physical. I couldn't really remember if he had ever thrown the first punch but I knew he had certainly given me a few extra punches.

"Thinking and doing are two different things. Not that you would know anything about that," Don had said like he knew what I had been thinking about.

"Then how do ya explain it then, huh?"

Don stood up then, frustration written all over his face as he pushed; "People don't come back to life, Raphael. There is no possible way for that to ever happen. It's physical impossible." He had begun to walk back and forth as he kept rambling on. "Once you are dead your body begin to decay and every cell is breaking down, rotting away! That's life and it's cruel! It isn't like any of Mikey's cartoons and comics where heroes is resurrected just because it's convenient or unbearable. The only explanation I can come up with is; it's a clone!"

Sure I had thought about it too, but could that even be true? If they got Leo's blood somehow, did the Shredder really get enough to make a clone whom survived? As far as we knew the six of the seven clones with our DNA had died and the possibility of the seventh surviving when the others hadn't, was slim.

"Is tha' what tha' rational mind of yars coming up with or just wishful thinkin'?" I had asked.

"I don't care what or who it is," Don had stopped his phasing by the table to slam his clenched fist down on it as he continued with full fueled anger. "All I want is for it to pay for what its' done and kill it before it kills us!"

Not bothered by it, I had just stared at him for a moment with my arms crossed. I had been surprised at my own cool at that moment. "Don't ya think we should find out ta truth before we do anythin' rash? Hey, I'm usually ta one who goes there, not ya. Ya're supposed ta be the level headed one. The one who wants all the facts and answers before decidin' how ta deal with the situation," I had tried to reason with him.

I understood the anger Donny felt. I knew very well what he was after but I also knew that we couldn't afford for him to lose is compulsion. He was the only one of us who could keep us grounded.

"Yeah? Look where that got me!" He had shouted with his arms thrown up into the air to make a point. "Me hurt, my friends and a brother injured and the other one on the verge of dying." He turned his eyes to Mikey and let them linger there for a second before he had clenched his fist and gone rigid of anger. "I don't care about the facts. I want this thing dead and out of our lives!" Then he had turned to stare into my eyes with a dead serious expression. "Why are you complaning? Just a few hours ago you wanted the same thing. You almost jumped at him after he had hurt Mikey and me. You can't possibly have changed your mind?!"

"Of course not!" I had snapped back at him. "I'm just as furious as ya 'n' want that thing to pay! But I ain't stupid enough ta do it without knowin' for sure if it ain't our brother or not we're killin'!"

"Leonardo is dead, Raphael! How difficult is that to get into that dense head of yours? He's been dead for three years and is out there rotting in his grave!" Don had shouted and then pointed at the window which faced the hill where we had buried two members of our small family.

My eyes had gone to look at the hill and even though it had gotten quite dark, I still could make out the tops of the headstones up on that hill from where I stood. In the distance I had seen the storm rolling in and a thunder had lightened up the dark clouds.

The apex of the storm was above me now when I now only had one more feet to go. The sky was roaring above my head like it was angry at me for defying it. It was like it was giving me it's all. The rain was hurting my bare skin as it was falling straight down into the hole I had dug. The wind had stopped or maybe I just couldn't feel it anymore as my limbs was too cold to barley feel anything.

I only had one more feet to go and all I could hear in my head was Leo's words...

"Am I haunting you from beyond the grave or am I just your subconscious in the form of your brother trying to tell you something?"

I threw the shovel as deep as I could just to get to that six feet deep mark.

"Then figure it out."

Starring at that hill, a thought had crossed my mind and I knew what I had to do. Barley looking away from it, I had turned towards Don as I had said with a dead serious tone; "I know a way for us ta know for sure if its Leo or not."

Don got a puzzled expression on him as looked out of the same window and up on the hill before a realization crossed his mind and he had snapped his head back at me again. "You can't be serious... Raph, no!"

Ignoring him, I had headed towards the door but Don had grabbed a hold of my arm.

Pulling my arm out of his hold, I had said; "There's no other way ta know for sure!"

"No you can't do that. What if you'r wrong about this and..."Don had tried to swallow the breaking of his tone as his mind went further than what he could say out loud. "...he's still..." His face grew pale as he tried to force the words out, but knew he couldn't. "No, I won't allow it."

"I ain't askin' for ya permission."

"It's not only your choice to make! It's mine and Mikey's too," he had pushed and stood so that I had to literally push him out of the way to get to the door. "I know you want answers, but that is a violation to Leo's memory! That's his grave!"

I couldn't help but snap then. Like I didn't know that. I knew exactly what I was throwing myself into and what kind of repercussion it would bring.

"Then what do ya suggest we do, huh?"I had yelled so loud that I was surprised that Mikey hadn't woken up from it. "Just kill this look-a-like 'n' bury 'im in the same grave only ta find out it was empty all this time?! Realize we were the ones who killed our older brother 'n' he had been alive all along? Could ya live with tha' Donatello? Cause I sure as hell couldn't! I could barley live through these last three years with the nightmares, blame and regrets. There hasn't been a day that I haven't missed 'im. 'N' believing I was the one who should've died that night, not 'im."

I had stopped there and just kept staring at Don and waiting for his respond. But it had looked like he hadn't know what to say to all that. I had seen his mind trying to process that information and how he carefully had thought out a reply.

His eyes fell down on the floor as he had spoken, carefully choosing his words; "I know these past three years have been hard... I won't pretend it wasn't hell and I wish it never happened. ...But this... what you're suggesting... what you're about to do..." He looked up at me with a hard look in his eyes. "If you're wrong about this, this will scare you even deeper and there is nothing me, Mikey or anyone else could ever do to change that, you realize that right?"

"If I'm wrong than that's that. I'll live with that choice, but at least we'll know for sure," I had said and Don got out of my way as I grabbed the handle of the door.

"I think you should at least wait until Mikey wakes up. He should have a say in this too," Don had said with his back towards me and looking down on the sleeping form of our baby brother.

I had turned around to look at my two brothers a brief moment before I was about to walk a path I did not know where it would lead me. "When Mikey wakes up he deserve answers ta who really did this ta 'im."

And with that, I had walked out of the door and closed it behind me.

The shovel in my hands hit something hard and I knew I had reached my mark. Now standing six feet deep down from what is supposed to be my older brother Leonardo's body, I was beginning to feel some hesitation. What Donny said was right, if I open this casket and see him lying there, there is no way I would ever be able to remove that image from my mind. Not only was I about to maybe violate my mind, but I would also violate Leo's final resting place.

"Because I want to see how far he will follow my orders. Kurōn. In an hour from now, you will hunt these three down and bring me back their severed heads." Karai's voice broke me through my doubting trance.

I had to know for sure. I need to protect my family and nothing will stand in my way.

With determination, I grabbed a hold of the lid of the casket and begun to push it open. It was heavier than I had expected or maybe I lost most of my strength in the digging. It took everything I got to push it open ad once I got it enough for me to see inside, I was shocked at what I saw before me...


So there was this chapter. I hope you liked it. I had to rush it a bit so it may not be as well written as the last.. If you have any throughts than please share!

Until next time!