Thank you all for your continuing support and enthusiasm for this story. It means a lot to me to know that this story means a lot to you. It means a lot to me too.
The rest of the month of April flew by. Rick finished the final revisions on his latest book and turned them over to Black Pawn, which freed up his next several months, since he wouldn't be doing publicity for the book until publication. Kate continued with her campaign, okaying her first mass mailings and getting those sent out. Rick and Kate, and Alexis and Esposito, attended Nick Ryan's first birthday party. Kate began experiencing Braxton-Hicks contractions, and had to calm Rick down when he was ready to call Dr. Elliott. "They're practice contractions," she said. "They're more uncomfortable than anything else. It's just this...tightening in my abdomen that comes and goes. The real thing is going to be more constant, steadier, and get more intense and closer together. And they'll involve my back, my whole body, really. At least, that's what Jenny said it was like for her, and she's been through this twice, so between that, and everything I've read, plus Lily's not due for another couple of weeks, this isn't the real thing."
"She could come early," Rick said.
"She could," Kate agreed. "She's pretty much running the show here." Kate paused, then said, "I don't want to bring up bad memories, and God knows I don't need any more reasons to think that woman is a complete waste of space, but you didn't go through this with Meredith, did you?"
"She had a scheduled C-section the first moment it was safe enough for Alexis to be delivered," he said. "So no, I haven't actually been through this part before." He took her hands in his. "But I promise you I'm not gonna turn into some goofy sitcom husband. When the moment comes, I'll be the best husband and dad-to-be and labor coach. You can call me all kinds of horrible names and throw ice chips at my head and squeeze my hand until you break it and threaten to castrate me and never have sex with me again."
Kate laughed out loud. "Yeah, I'm not gonna be doing any of that," she said.
Rick looked surprised. "You're gonna be in a lot of pain," he said.
"It can't possibly be worse than the pain from getting shot," she countered. "And at the end of it, we'll have our daughter. She's worth it. And why would I blame you for getting me pregnant when it was something we both wanted and we both participated in very willingly and very happily? The same goes for threatening to castrate you or never have sex again. That will never happen."
"If you change your mind during transition-" Rick began.
"I'm pretty sure I won't, babe, but if I do, know that I won't really mean it," Kate said earnestly. She was completely serious.
"So you're not worried about the pain at all?" Rick asked.
"I'm really not," Kate said, and it was true; she truly wasn't concerned with the pain of laboring to bring Lily into the world. "Like I said, the end result is going to be worth it. And I know pain—the worst kind of physical and emotional pain humanly possible, at least in my experience. I have been blessed in that the pain I've gone through has ultimately turned out to be worth the time spent feeling that pain. But this time….this time it's going to be a whole new level of worthwhile." Kate had been thinking a lot lately about those dark days when Alexis had been kidnapped, missing in Paris, and how, before going after her himself, Rick had told Kate about when Alexis was born, the first time he held her, he was struck by that lightning that is that instant, inexplicable love you can only feel for your child, and how in that moment, his whole life changed forever. She wanted to feel that the first time she held their daughter.
Kate had her final appointment with Dr. Elliott. Lily "dropped" into the birth canal, and everyone noticed that Kate was carrying her lower than she had been. Dr. Elliott assured both Kate and Rick that this was totally normal, that Lily was right where she was supposed to be, getting ready to be born, and that everything looked great, and she would see them in the delivery room.
The final finishing touches were put on the nursery, and everyone emphasized that they expected to be notified once Kate and Rick were headed to the hospital, if not the moment the first real contraction hit. Kate went into a nesting frenzy, and Alexis and Javier walked in on her and Rick squabbling over who was going to scrub the bathroom floor. "Jenny went through this same thing before Sarah Grace was born," Javier whispered to Alexis. "Ryan ended up cleaning the whole bathroom twice, and then cleaning the grout with an old toothbrush."
Kate didn't go quite that far—either cleaning the bathroom tile grout with a toothbrush or asking Rick to do it—but the living room, their bedroom, and the nursery were all cleaned thoroughly, and organized completely. Alexis and Javier were there to help with the last thing that needed to be done: assembling the bassinet. Kate and Rick had had most of the nursery furniture assembled before it was delivered, so it had merely been a matter of directing the delivery men to Lily's future room and pointing to where they wanted the dresser, changing table, and crib (though they did add the mattress and crib wedge themselves, even though she wouldn't be using the crib right away).
"We're here," Alexis announced. She walked over and hugged Kate carefully. "Hey, little sis, are you getting ready to come out of there? There's a lot more room out here, and a whole bunch of really amazing people that can't wait to meet you." Alexis gently placed her palm on Kate's baby bump. After several seconds of silence, Alexis said, "No response."
"I think she's sleeping," Kate replied. "But since that means she's not kickboxing my bladder for the time being, I'll take it." Spying the small shopping bag that Alexis wasn't doing a very good job of concealing, Kate asked, with great amusement, "What did you buy her now?"
"I'm her big sister. It's my right to spoil her," Alexis said, going to greet her dad with a hug.
"She's going to be the most spoiled baby in the Tri-State area between you, Martha, my dad, and all of her aunts and uncles," Kate said.
"We won't let that happen," Rick piped up then. He noticed that Javier was still hanging back, standing behind the chair, not intruding on the family moment.
"Actually, this is more a gift for you and the baby," Alexis said, handing the gift bag to Kate.
Kate pulled the bright pink onesie out from the mountain of pink tissue paper, read it to herself, then laughed out loud. Holding it up for Rick and Javi to see, she quoted the onesie: "If You Mess With Me, You Mess With My MOM (and You Don't Want to Mess With Her)."
"That is an absolutely true statement," Rick said seriously.
"We thought so," Alexis replied, looking back at Javier encouragingly.
"Well, why don't we go and put this with the dozens of other onesies and outfits she has, now that everything is pretty well organized, and you guys can put the bassinet together?" Kate asked, looking from Rick to Javi.
Javi shrugged out of his jacket and went to hang it on the coat rack. "Babe, give him a break," Kate said so only Rick could hear her. "I know it's an adjustment, but he's here to stay."
Rick nodded. Kate squeezed his shoulder, and Alexis gave her father a hopeful look, and then they went upstairs, moving more slowly than usual in deference to Kate's hugely pregnant belly and her center of gravity being affected as a result.
Esposito approached the couch, unbuttoning his cuffs and rolling up his shirtsleeves as he did so. "Anything else we need to put together today?" he asked.
"No," Castle replied, going to the corner and hefting the box containing the bassinet. "The rest of it's done." The tools were already laid out on the coffee table, and Esposito sat down on the edge of the couch and mentally checked them over.
Castle carried the box containing the bassinet over and after getting it open, began removing the pieces, handing Esposito the instructions. "I don't hate you, you know," Castle said as he pulled the pieces, and the accompanying hardware, all the little screws and things, out of the box.
"Not even a little, Castle?" Esposito asked.
"I never pictured you and Alexis as a couple," Castle said, looking up from the bassinet pieces. Esposito was burning a hole through the instruction booklet in his hand with his gaze. "I know, you didn't either. It took you by surprise. It took all of us by surprise." Rick paused, then went on. "But I've watched you two together these last several months, and I have never seen Alexis happier with any boyfriend she ever had than I've seen her with you. And I know that you're a good man. It's hard for me to believe that she's almost 24. She's all grown up. And she loves you very much."
Esposito finally looked up at Castle. "I love her very much too," he said firmly. "She's the best thing in my life, the best thing that ever happened to me. I want to make her happy...and when she's upset or worried or scared or stressed out, I want to make her feel better. I want to be there for all of it, Castle. No matter what life throws our way, I'm going to be there for Alexis. She's the real thing. What we have...it's real. And it's only gonna get stronger and deeper the longer we're together, because that's already happening."
"I know," Castle said.
Esposito looked surprised. "You know?" he asked.
"I see the way you two look at each other," he said. "You look at each other the way Kate and I look at each other. And before you say anything about how long it took us to get together, we both had issues, and we weren't so great at communication for a long time, but the important thing is, we got there. You and Alexis don't have those kinds of issues." He paused, then said, "Jim would probably explain this better than I would, although he and Kate had their own issues for a long time too. But any father who loves his daughter is never going to think that any man is good enough for her. It's a dad thing. I honestly can't explain it any better than that. And for most of her life—at this point, anyway—Alexis was all I had. She was the center of the universe to me. When I met Kate, my universe expanded. Alexis will always be my daughter. In some ways, to me, she'll always be my little girl.
"But she's a grown woman now. And she has her own life to live, and her own decisions to make, and her own dreams and heart to follow. And she has chosen you as the man she loves, the man she's going to spend her life with."
"Hey, we're a long way away from any wedding bells or anything like that," Esposito said.
"Did you or did you not say that you're going to be with her through whatever life throws at you?" Castle asked.
"I did," Esposito replied.
"I took that to mean you'll be there for her through whatever life throws at you for the rest of your lives?" Castle asked.
Esposito frowned at him. "You know I did, Castle. She's it for me."
Castle nodded. "You've been a part of my family for nine years already, Javi. And when the day comes that you and Alexis get married, whenever that is, I'll be there, and I'll walk her down the aisle, and you two can have whatever kind of wedding you want." He looked at Esposito and said seriously, "Just promise me that you will never call me 'Dad.'"
Esposito chuckled. "I promise," he said. He held out his right hand to Castle. "So, we're good, then?"
"Treat my daughter right, and yes, we're good," Castle said, and they shook hands before applying themselves to putting together the bassinet.
The alarm clock's digital readout said 3:47 AM when Kate was awakened by a rolling wave of pain in her lower back and abdomen and radiating down her thighs. She took a couple of slow, deep breaths and managed to get herself into a sitting position. Stroking her belly, which felt very hard, she instinctively knew that this was it: the beginning of her actual labor. For one thing, the pain was more intense than any of her Braxton-Hicks contractions had been. For another, it was the early morning of May 7, so she was within the window Dr. Elliott had given her and Rick for Lily's birth.
She looked at Rick beside her, sound asleep, drooling into his pillow and even lightly snoring. He had been amazing throughout her pregnancy, but then, Kate had known he would be. And having gone through a pregnancy before didn't have anything to do with it, since, from what little Rick had said, Meredith had pretty much shut him out of nearly all of the little moments and milestones when she was pregnant with Alexis. He and Esposito had also reached some sort of detente yesterday when they were putting the bassinet together. Kate had been really tired after dinner and had fallen asleep around 9:30 PM. Rick had been reading in bed beside her, so she wasn't sure how long he'd been asleep, but she knew he hadn't gone to sleep until after she had.
Kate reached for her watch on the nightstand and put it on, the familiar, comforting feel of it on her wrist anchoring her to the moment as the last of the pain faded. The alarm clock read 3:48 AM. She wasn't sure how many seconds it had been, but the pain had lasted at least a minute. It was low enough that it shouldn't have been heartburn. Kate lay in the dark, calmed by Rick's presence and by the feel of her watch on her wrist, and thinking about her mother and her daughter, and how much she wished her mother could be physically present for the birth of her first grandchild.
Martha and Jenny, having both been through pregnancy themselves, had been godsends to Kate. And Martha, in her typical fashion, had broached the topic of Johanna Beckett immediately. "I know I'm not your mother, and I don't know what her experiences were when she was carrying you, Katherine, but I'm here for you, and I know it was a long time ago and some things were different back then as opposed to now, but some things about pregnancy and childbirth are universal." Jenny, having been through her two pregnancies in recent years, was a wealth of information, and Kate would be forever grateful to both of them for being there for her while she went through this first pregnancy. Next time, she would have a much better idea of what to do.
Next time? You haven't even had this one yet, and you're already thinking about the next one? Really?, she thought. She looked at Rick again. He snuffled in his sleep and rolled from his side to his back, his snores ceasing when he did so. Well, you're right, Rick. I do want a mini-Castle someday. And Alexis will always be our first kid, but I don't want Lily to miss out on having a brother or sister who's fairly close in age to her. Three years would be good, I think. But today's the day you get your mini-Beckett. God help you...help us both, really...if she's anything like me as a teenager. My mom would be laughing her butt off if that's true.
Kate didn't think about it often, but she had never forgotten the encounter she and Rick had had with Johanna Beckett in the ether after they'd been shot by Caleb Brown last year and were in the hospital. I wish you were here, Mom. Physically here, I mean. But Lily is going to know all about you. Dad and I will make sure of it, I promise you.
Another rolling wave of pain, the same as the first, rippled through Kate's body. She looked at her watch. 3:58 AM. Eleven minutes since the first pain. Kate concentrated on the minute and second hands on her watch, and breathed through the pain, thinking idly that the breathing techniques she had learned in physical therapy were actually more useful than the breathing techniques she and Rick had learned in the Lamaze crash course they had taken a few weeks ago. With her eyes glued to her watch, she relaxed back against the headboard when the pain stopped. 3:59 AM. This one had lasted 60 seconds.
In active labor, according to both Jenny and the Lamaze instructor, contractions lasted 45 to 60 seconds. Carefully, gingerly, Kate got out of bed. Rick had done laundry the day before, so she was wearing his faded black t-shirt emblazoned with "MAY THE 4TH BE WITH YOU" in the yellow Star Wars font. Time for an acid test, she decided. Real contractions, as opposed to Braxton-Hicks, would not stop or go away if she got up and moved around. She slowly walked to the bathroom and turned on the light, looking at herself in the mirror. She pulled her hair back in a messy bun, and looked at herself in the mirror. From this day on, she would officially be somebody's mom. She considered herself Alexis's mom, and knew Alexis considered Kate her mom, but she hadn't been there for this stage of Alexis's life.
"I really wish you were here, Mom," Kate said aloud then.
And in the quiet night, standing there in the bathroom, Kate distinctly heard her mother's voice. "I am here, Katie. And you're going to be a wonderful mom. Your daughter is going to make you so proud, and she's going to drive you crazy sometimes, and you won't love every minute of being a mom, but overall, you will love being a mom. I love you, Katie."
"I love you too, Mom," Kate said softly.
Another pain hit her then, and Kate bent at the knees, bracing her hands on the edge of the sink and looking down at her watch as she breathed through it. This pain lasted 51 seconds. "Looks like you picked a birthday, huh, baby girl?" she asked when the contraction had ended. She pressed one palm to her belly, and was rewarded with movement from Lily. "Yeah, it's getting pretty crowded in there, isn't it? There's lots of room out here, though, I promise." She stroked her belly. "The bathroom is kind of a strange place for a mother/daughter moment, but here we are. And I've been talking to you for months, so you know my voice, and you know I'm your mom. It'll probably be nice to put a face with the voice after all this time." She kept stroking her belly. "I've never done this before. Been a mom to a baby, I mean. Your sister was 15 when I met her, and it took us a while to really become close. Your dad, oh, you have the best dad in the whole world. And not just because he's done all this before. Your dad, he's magic. He brought the magic back into my life after I thought it went away forever, and he will make sure that you always have magic in yours, just like he has for Alexis.
"I'm not perfect, and I'm gonna make mistakes. Parents do that. Not that we'll admit that to you in another 13 or 14 years. Don't be in a rush, okay? To grow up, I mean. You'll get there.
"You haven't even been born yet and I love you so much, Lily. We'll kind of grow up together, in a sense, because you're my first baby. We'll learn together. You have so much personality already. You're going to have the most amazing life that your dad and I can give you. I know your dad is going to think of you as his mini-Beckett, but you're half Castle too, and that's a very good thing. A very, very good thing. And we're going to raise you to be your own person. Your aunts and uncles, some of whom are also going to be your godparents, and your grandparents, and Alexis...You have a whole tribe waiting out here for you. And I'm really happy about that, because it took me a long time to find my tribe, to find those people that I know I belong with and that will accept me even at my worst and my weakest. For the first big chunk of my life, it was just me and your Grandpa Jim and Grandma Johanna. And then I was alone for a really long time. And then I met your Aunt Lanie, and your Uncle Kevin, and your Uncle Javi...and then came your dad, and Alexis, and your Gram. And Uncle Kevin brought Aunt Jenny into our lives, and then your Aunt Victoria, which I'm still getting used to calling her, came...and Sarah Grace and Nick, you'll meet them later. And your Aunt Lanie brought your Uncle Alan to us, and your Aunt Victoria is married to your Uncle Gerald.
"There's nothing you can't do or be, Lily. And no matter what, your dad and I are always going to love you and always going to be there for you and support you in your dreams. So we are ready and waiting for you, baby girl. I don't know how it gets decided, but thank you for choosing me to be your mom, and your dad to be your dad."
Another pain hit then. These contractions were ten minutes apart, and lasting between 45 and 61 seconds. There was no doubt in Kate's mind that this was the real deal.
"I'm getting way ahead of myself," she said to Lily after the contraction ended. "All we're going to do today is bring you into the world. Which is a very big deal, but the rest will follow."
Kate returned to the bedroom then. She considered getting back in bed, but she was afraid that if they stayed in bed too long, her water would break and ruin the sheets. So she went to Rick's side of the bed and, bracing one hand on his shoulder, she leaned over him. "Rick? Babe? Wake up. I'm in labor," she said.
"That's nice," Rick murmured.
Then Kate's words registered in his brain, and his eyes flew open, and he sat up so fast, Kate would have fallen on the floor if he hadn't grabbed her hand to keep her on her feet. "You're in labor?" he asked, instantly wide awake. "Are you sure? For how long? Has your water broken? We need to call Dr. Elliott, and then we have to call everybody else, and-"
Kate silenced her husband with a fingertip pressed to his lips. "Yes, I'm sure. My contractions are ten minutes apart, lasting 45 to 56 seconds, and I've had four so far. It's been almost an hour since the first one, and no, my water hasn't broken yet, so we don't need to call Dr. Elliott or anybody else yet. It isn't even light out yet."
Rick nodded. "Okay. Okay, you're right, we don't have to call anybody yet. How are you feeling?"
"A little nervous, a lot excited," Kate replied. "We're gonna have a baby today, Rick."
He beamed at her. "Yeah, we are," he said. He threw off the sheets and stood up, letting go of her hand to frame her face and then kissing her tenderly. She kissed him back, her tongue seeking and gaining entrance to his mouth until the next contraction hit and she pulled back, gripping his arms as her face contorted with the pain.
"Breathe through it," he said soothingly. Kate nodded jerkily twice and held onto Rick as she breathed. He matched his breathing to hers. When the contraction ended, he said, "That felt a lot more like a respiratory therapy exercise than Lamaze."
"Because it was," she replied. "Better breathing techniques, at least for me."
"Well, I'm better at those breathing techniques than Lamaze anyway," Rick said.
"Yeah, the last thing I want is you hyperventilating in the delivery room until you pass out," Kate said.
"Not gonna happen," Rick vowed. "I'm gonna be holding you up when you push Lily out, and at no time will I be unconscious, hyperventilating, or otherwise freaking out."
"Because you have my back," Kate said, brushing an errant strand of hair off his forehead.
"Always," Rick said.
She rested her forehead against his and smiled.
This was going to be one of the greatest days of their lives...the day their daughter was born.
