Craig

Jesus Christ, this is bullshit.

As the cheering of the other boys rose around Craig, he found his face darkening. Yanking down his Chullo, the tall boy attempted to keep his mutinous thoughts to himself. This is going to fail, none of you realize this is going to fail. None of the people who were excited right now realized that this whole plan was going to fail but Craig and he didn't like it. He didn't want to be doing this at all, leading a group of kids into a battle they couldn't win, but that's what he'd been tasked with, right?

You're not doing it cause you want to, you're doing it so Cartman doesn't send Tweek instead. You're doing this for Tweek. Heh, what didn't he do for Tweek? At the thought of the boy, Craig turned around and saw green shining eyes staring back at him from under a fresh layer of coffee stain. Something in him wanted to stand taller at the sight of that belief. Tweek thought he could do it, didn't he? So maybe he should actually try.

Truth be told, he hadn't even been thinking about the battle since Kenny revealed he'd be leading the charge. Everything else had just been too damn time-consuming. What with the catastrophe his parents had caused and then taking off to Tweek's house, only to find a barrel of crazy there too, the fact that he'd be fighting in a pretend game in the morning had escaped his mind. Until, of course, Kenny had reminded him.

At least the real plan, the one Token had come up with, would work. This was just killing time.

Walking over to Tweek, Craig looked down at the boy calmly and said, "It looks like I have my marching orders." Though he seemed a little nervous about something, Tweek's face was still glowing with excitement.

At Craig's words, he let out an involuntary sound before changing it to a growl. "You'll kick ass!" Tweek exclaimed, his eyes shining with more determination than Craig could muster. Feeling better, just because of the blonde's enthusiasm, Craig resisted the urge to ruffle Tweek's hair and instead focused on Butters, who'd appeared at his elbow.

"I'm t'go into battle with you, Craig!" the boy announced proudly, puffing out his chest and standing as tall as he could. "Now I-I might be a higher level, but th'Grand Wizard put you in charge so it should be you rallyin' the men, okay?" Nodding, Craig spared one last glance for Tweek before the blond boy was pulled away by Kenny, who seemed to have a mission on his mind.

Putting all concerns he might have had aside when he saw Clyde follow Tweek, Craig turned his attention to Butters. Instead of responding to the boy, he just watched him silently, which was fine because Butters seemed perfectly capable of carrying on a one-sided conversation.

Walking towards the break in the fence, where a group of around fifteen kids had loosely gathered, Butters said, "Well, since you're a Thief, you're a lil' weaker than most, b-but that's okay, 'cause I'll be there with you!" Looking at the gloves on his hands, Butters continued, "Th'Grand Wizard said the plan is t'split into two groups. One'll go 'round the front the normal way, an'then while the Elves're all distracted, we'll go 'round the back!" Smiling, he waited, probably for Craig to say something.

"Hm," was all Craig managed to give in response. To be honest, it did sound like a decent plan, but it also sounded horribly simple and clearly something Kyle and Stan would have thought of. Then again, Cartman wasn't very creative. Token's plan will be better at least. Considering how much he studies these battles, he knows more than any of us.

"Don't worry buddy," Butters told him, patting his arm, an action with Craig instinctively shrugged off with furrowed brows. "I'll be there t'keep everyone all safe! I'm the highest level fighter goin' after all." Well, at least Token kept Cartman from throwing away anyone useful. Sparing Butters a nod, Craig drew level with the other kids and looked them over. He noticed a couple fifth graders, one third-grader, but mostly fourth graders that he knew by name. None of them were powerful, they were really just a group of Warriors and Mages.

Upon seeing him, the soldiers stood at attention, all sheathing swords and strapping shields in place or pushing up the sleeves of their bathrobes-turned-robes and readying their staffs. Craig noticed that, with the exception of one of the fifth graders, he was the tallest of the group. It wasn't something he actively cared about, but it did make things more convenient, just in terms of looking like he was in charge as well as acting it.

When no one did or said anything for a few long moments, Butters nudged him in the side and hissed, "Y'know, you're supposed t'give a speech or somethin'." When Craig looked down at him, face still blank, the boy tilted his head like a puppy and insisted, "Y'know, for moral an'stuff."

Well, way to pick on my weaknesses. With a soft sigh, Craig faced the other kids, fixing them with a bored look. "We're going to fight the Elves," he began, with volume if not emotion. "Which you already knew."

Everyone just blinked at him. Even Tweek would be better at this than me! At least Tweek was positive about the whole thing. That's it, I've got to think positive. "I'm positive we're not going to do the best," Craig said, without really thinking it through. When everyone gave him varying degrees of stricken and shocked looks, he quickly backtracked. "I mean, we're good, but they're clearly going to be waiting for us."

Shit, this isn't going well… Fishing around for something better, Craig followed his hopeless statement up with, "But they're Elves, and they suck. So we're still cooler than them." Catching sight of Butters' encouraging nodding out of the corner of his eye, Craig finished, "So while we might not win, I'm positive we're going to kick ass. So if you're going to go down, take as many of those fuckers down with you as you can." When there was no reaction to his conclusion, Craig simply flipped off the other kids.

Instantly, they all started cheering loudly. Fucking figures.

Turning around for a moment, Craig caught sight of Tweek being poked and prodded by the makeshift armory. Though he wasn't about to yell over to the boy, he held his head high and nodded once. With a lopsided grin on his face, Tweek twitched and gave him the thumbs up. Feeling his chest swell with something, confidence he assumed, Craig turned back to the soldiers and put a hand on one of his wooden knives, ready as he'd ever be.

"Let's go," he announced flatly, drawing a knife and lifting it into the air. With more cheers, everyone drew their various weapons and headed out towards the street, leaving Craig and Butters alone. Looking to Butters, Craig shrugged internally and started towards Kyle's yard.

As they walked, Craig's mind wandered minutely. Traveling to Tweek as it so often did, Craig found himself thinking about the night before. He was actively trying to force as much of it into the back of his mind as possible, after all, he'd told Tweek he didn't want to talk about it and so far, the boy had been honoring that wish. But he couldn't help himself from wondering how the blond was handling the whole mess. I never got a chance to ask him. I hope he's alright.

At least they had the game to distract them.

"Ah- Now, th'Elves are gonna be waitin' for us, probably," Butters told Craig, breaking through his train of thought. "S-so you should be ready to fight as soon as y'get through the fence." Well, that's where I would be waiting. Nodding, Craig watched as Stan's fence slipped by before they came to the fence that contained the Elven Kingdoms. Kyle's tree fort rose above them, mildly ominous and menacing.

"Also, you should know, I'm not so good at climbin' up th'back way," Butters warned, his voice getting softer as they got closer. "B-but I'll be right up as soon as possible buddy." Looking to the break in the fence, Craig motioned for Butters to stop talking and crouched beside the gap. From where he was, he could see one of the Elves fiddling with his wooden sword. Conveniently, he could also see the back of the tree, which did have a rather precarious way up

Hearing the faint roar of the other kids approaching, Craig thought of Tweek's confident, shining eyes before counting off on his fingers for Butters. Three. Two. Fuck it, let's lose with style. As Butters yelled, "We're gonna send you to heck!" Craig charged through the fence just as the other group of soldiers burst through the fence at the front of the yard.

Instantly, Craig focused his attention on the Elf who'd engaged with him. Drawing both of his knives, Craig attacked first, having the element of surprise and therefore the first move. Without a sound, he struck the Ranger quickly three times. When the boy tried to counter, Craig danced backward, shielding himself effectively with several quick parries. Crap, this kid is several levels above me.

Decidedly not wishing Tweek was there with him, Craig struck again, trying to speed up the battle to the best of his ability. His serrated wooden blades caught in the other boy's cape as he darted around behind him and struck his back. That's gonna leave a bruise. He was faster than the Ranger, but he was weaker. Frustrated with his own ineffectiveness, Craig lunged forward more recklessly. He managed to land a critical hit, but he could feel the wooden sword coming down across one of his arms, making him draw in a quick breath.

I can't afford to lose health. He could hear cries of war and orders being thrown left and right but he didn't pay attention to any of it. Craig's attention was solely on defeating one enemy at a time. As Butters finished off his own opponent, he turned to Craig and yelled out, "Hammer of Justice!" before hitting the boy over the head with his hammer. As the boy went down, Butters touched Craig's shoulder and said, "There, now I healed you, buddy, go get th'Stick!"

Nodding, Craig dashed towards the Tree, sticking his knives back into his belt as he went. An arrow came at him but he ducked low, letting it whiz right over his head. Dodging around several pairs of warriors locked in furious combat, Craig took a flying leap at the tree and managed to catch onto the first piece of wood. Drawing the butter knife he still had, Craig stuck it between his teeth and used all the skill he'd picked up from climbing out of his own window and up to Tweek's to scale the tree.

Several other warriors had already managed to get up to higher levels. As he reached the first tent and branch, Craig's eyes were drawn by the Ranger and Warrior trying to push each other off the branch but to limited success. Suddenly, Craig's attention was brought back to his own problems as he found himself being assaulted by a yelling archer, who struck at him with a knife that he drew from his belt. With only the butter knife immediately available, Craig blocked the strike quickly, surprised when he managed to deflect it.

In the process, however, he happed to look at the ground and what he saw disheartened him. The Human forces were outnumbered and it showed. They were all surrounded by Elves, who had no doubt expected and planned for this attack. Shit shit shit, we're already losing.

While he was distracted, the kid landed a hit on the hand Craig had been holding the knife with and he almost dropped it. He could feel his knuckles flair with pain but all Craig did was grit his teeth and scowl at the other boy. "You're dead," he managed to spit before lashing out with his knife. It wasn't even the blade that caught the Elf but Craig's arm that sent him tumbling off the small platform and into the smaller branches. Though the kid managed to catch onto a branch, he definitely wasn't going to be rejoining the fight anytime soon.

Satisfied and too preoccupied to do more, Craig stuck his butter knife back between his teeth and dodged around the still fighting Elf and Human so he could continue scaling the tree. Though the slats were far apart, thanks to his height, Craig had no problem climbing up to the next level. Though he was painfully aware of the fact that he'd lost health and he didn't have any to spare, Craig pushed it from his mind.

The moment he got to the next level, Craig was beset by a Ranger and an Archer. Blocking the strike the Ranger leveled at him, Craig suddenly felt his eye flare up in pain as an arrow hit it. Damnit, that's a critical. I'm dying! With a growl, Craig darted around the Ranger and landed several hits on the Archer's torso before the boy could block.

Roaring, the Ranger charged at Craig but he sidestepped the boy, only suffering a few hit points in the process. Dodging another one of the Archer's arrows, Craig decided to finish the boy off quickly. If I'm going to die, might as well take him with me. With speed and skill the Archer couldn't hope to match, Craig danced around him and stabbed him in the back, hard enough to send the Archer tumbling to the ground, smacking his face on the wooden floor.

As the Ranger realized what had happened, the boy spat, "Human scum! You'll pay for this!" Running forward, the boy was about to hit Craig when a hammer got in the way, protecting him.

"Nu-uh! Not today y'won't!" Engaging the Ranger in battle, Butters shot Craig a meaningful look and said, "Go on Buddy, don't let anyone stop you!" Stepping back, Craig turned tail and started up the tree once more. Thank god I'm good at this. The tree wasn't easy to climb. If it hadn't been for his gloves, Craig would have ended up with half a million splinters. As it was, he was going to have several lovely new bruises on his arm and a black eye from the arrow.

Reaching the next level, which was surprisingly empty, Craig took a moment to breathe. There was a table here and quite a bit of space, clearly so multiple people could gather there comfortably. Walking over to the table, Craig's eyebrows hiked up at the sight of a map with game pieces scattered over it. Token would love to see this. Reaching into one of the pockets in his belt, Craig pulled out his phone and snapped a few pictures of the map before replacing his device and heading back to the trunk.

As he heaved himself up to the top of the tree, Craig was first struck by the fact that the leaves above them made this part of the fort dark. There had been several clumps of leaves ripped out to allow for sunlight to stream through, but Craig still felt like he'd been blinded. At first, he tossed his head about aimlessly, unsure what else he was supposed to do when he couldn't see a damn thing, then something caught his eye and he stopped.

Because there it was. Just like Clyde had said it was. The Stick of Truth. We might actually pull this off…

"End of the line, Thief." Drawing his knives at once, replacing the butter knife in his belt, Craig squinted against the darkness and watched as a hulking figure stepped out of the corner. It was a sixth grader, tall, hulking, angry. Craig wasn't sure how Kyle or Stan had managed to get a sixth grader on their side when most sixth graders hated fourth graders, but that didn't change the fact he was facing one.

As the boy narrowed his eyes at Craig, he groaned. "Oh come on, really? I have to fight a fourthy?!" Point proven. "Aw, this sucks ass. I thought they'd at least send someone bigger!" His sword was as long as Craig's arm and his stance proved that he was good at this. Craig, however, didn't feel intimidated. After all, compared to his dad or his mom even, this sixth grader was nothing.

"If I'm so easy, then why don't you just finish me off," Craig said flatly, tipping his chin up to make himself look as tall as possible. "Should be easy right?" Keeping one knife guarding his torso and the other guarding his throat, Craig shifted so he'd be ready to run at a second's notice. When the kid just sneered, Craig did the one sure-fire thing to piss him off. "Pussy." He flipped the kid off.

"Die, Human!" the boy roared. Without much grace but with enough force to shake the floor, the sixth grader charged. Darting right, Craig landed a hit to the boy's ribs, but the kid only turned and raised his sword. "Do you have any idea how much health I have?" he asked, swinging at Craig. "You're toast."

Raising his knife to block the hit, Craig found himself being tossed to the floor of the fort. Wincing slightly as his shoulder flared up with pain, the Noirette found himself having to dodge or be crushed. "Come on," he taunted flatly, picturing Tweek's bright eyes in his head and tightening his grip on his knives. "Is that the best you can do?" He knew he didn't have many hit point left, but he wasn't going to go down without a fight.

"You want to see me do better?" the boy asked, grinning. Lifting his sword over his head, the boy lashed out, striking Craig across the face. Once again knocked off his feet, Craig winced. He wasn't 'dead' yet, but he was close. "How do you like that, fourthy!?"

"Eh," Craig commented, wiping the blood from his split lip onto the back of his glove. "I've been hit by worse." Without warning, he darted forward. Using his relative shortness to his advantage, Craig struck at the boy's joints with as much force as possible, smacking the sixth grader's knees, elbows, and wrists with surprising accuracy.

Letting out a shout, the boy fell to one knee for a moment. Taking a step back, Craig tried to judge if he could just go and grab the Stick now while the other boy was down. Before he could decide either way, a hand rested on his shoulder and Butters called, "You're healed, Craig, for half of your hit points!" Though that didn't stop his body from feeling the various hits he'd sustained, Craig felt determination well up within him. Tweek wouldn't want me to stop, so I won't.

"You're dead!" the sixth-grader suddenly bellowed. Attention snapping back to him, Craig darted around the boy and struck quickly. His blade managed to hit the boy's ribs again, causing him to let out a grunt of pain. But even as he did so, the sixth grader managed to land a hit on Butters.

"Oh no, I've been vanquished!" Butters announced, before falling to the ground. Annoyed that he'd just lost his healer, Craig darted forward and smacked the boy over the head with his wooden knife, dealing what he hoped was a critical.

"Stupid kid, you're only level two!" Surging toward the Noirette with a yell, the sixth grader struck Craig across the chest, dealing a critical of his own. Feeling the bruise already forming, Craig coughed as he stumbled upright.

"I might be level two," Craig muttered, readying his knives. "But at least I'm still alive." With a grunt, Craig lunged forward once more. With a leap, Craig caught the boy's neck between his two wooden blades and dragged him down by his head, flattening him. Stepping back from the boy, who played dead as was per the rules, Craig finally turned back towards the Stick. I did it. We actually did it.

"I'm sorry dude, but I'm going to have to stop you." Stepping out of the shadows with Kyle behind him, Stan drew his sword. "That was pretty cool, I'm not going to lie, but I can't let you take the stick."

Even though he knew he was going to die, Craig still flipped the boys off and said, "Just remember to send me against someone challenging next time."

"We literally whipped your asses and you're still flipping us off." Snorting, Stan raised his sword and said, "You are so full of shit, Craig. I like you."

"It's a shame you chose to be part of the Humans," Kyle commented, crossing his arms. "Remember, you have to play dead after this. Your other teammates will carry you back."

Nodding, Craig readied his weapons. Without any more banter, Stan struck. Craig tried to block it but he already knew he wouldn't be able to. As the wooden sword hit his chest, Craig muttered, "Oh no, you got me," before tumbling backward and falling to the floor of the fort. As his head protested his carelessness and Butters scrambled to his feet to begin the process of helping get Craig to the ladder so he could climb down on his own, Craig thought of Tweek and decided that he hadn't done that badly.

Tweek would have been proud.

I hope he's okay…