Thank you all for your continued enthusiasm for and interest in this story.
Alexis was in the elevator on her way up to the loft when Javier called her. She opted to keep going, but as soon as she walked in the front door and found Rick, Kate, Lily, and Martha all gathered in the living room, Martha holding Lily, who was smiling and gurgling at her parents and grandmother, all of whom were focused intently on the baby until they heard the door open. The adults all noticed the stricken look on Alexis's face, but before any of them could ask about it, Alexis said, "Javier just called me. He's in the ER of St. John's Episcopal Hospital with Matias, so I'm on my way there."
Rick and Kate exchanged a look, then looked at Martha. "Go," she said simply. "I've got Lily. He'll need all of you." She remembered well when Jackson Hunt showed up at the door bleeding with a bullet inside him, and how rattled she and Richard had both been; they had steadied each other, and then Katherine had arrived and her presence gave them both, especially Richard, even more support. Martha knew very little about Javier's father, only that they had been estranged for decades and the man had suddenly popped up in his son's life without warning, but most likely with some ulterior motive. She knew how her family's minds operated. And while Alexis was undoubtedly Javier's first call, and would be his greatest comfort, the return of a long- if not always-absent parent had to push Alexis's buttons, and Richard's as well, so they could be there for Javier, and Katherine could be there for all of them.
"Thank you, Mother," Rick said gratefully. He looked to Alexis. "Did he say what's going on?"
"No, but I have an idea," Alexis said, her gaze shifting away from her parents.
"I have no idea how long we'll be, Martha," Kate said.
"Take as long as you need," Martha said. "We'll be fine, won't we, Lily?" Lily gurgled.
"Thank you," Kate said. She bent and kissed Lily, telling her, "Be a good girl for Gram, Lily," and then kissed Martha's cheek.
Rick followed suit, kissing Lily, then his mother. "We'll call," he promised. "Be good, sweetpea. We love you."
"Of course, she'll be good," Martha said. "Give Javier my love when you see him."
After the trio had left, Martha shifted Lily to one arm, picked up the phone, and dialed a number. "Hello?" Jim Beckett said on the other end after two rings.
"Hello, Jim, it's Martha. I'm calling on behalf of a beautiful young lady who was wondering if you'd like to spend some time with her this afternoon. In the interests of full disclosure, I'll be here today. We're at Richard and Katherine's. They and Alexis just left to be with Javier, something of an emergency." Martha didn't know how much, if anything, Jim knew about Javier's father's sudden, out-of-the-blue return to his life, and she felt it wasn't her place to tell him.
"I'll be there in half an hour," Jim said.
"We'll be here," Martha said before ringing off. After hanging up the phone, she regarded Lily. "Now, you get to spend the afternoon with both your Gram and your Grandpa. I believe that's what is called 'a win-win.'" Lily smiled up at Martha. "Exactly. Everybody's happy," Martha said, smiling back at her tiny granddaughter.
Rick had wondered aloud on the drive to the hospital how Javier and Matias had wound up at a hospital in Queens when Javier lived in Manhattan and Matias was staying at a motel in the Bronx. Alexis, tense and anxious and just wanting to get to Javier, hadn't considered that. Kate was sure Javi would tell them when they got to the hospital.
"Castles!" Kevin called out, figuring that was the easiest way to get their attention. Three heads whipped around to see him rushing towards them from across the parking lot. "All I know is Javi's here with his father."
"That's all we know too," Kate said.
"There's the ER entrance!" Alexis exclaimed. She began hurrying toward it, leaving her parents and Kevin to catch up.
Kevin and the Castles arrived in the ER at the same time to find Javier, his shirt rumpled, his hair disheveled, and his entire manner agitated. "Javier!" Alexis called. She rushed across the floor to him, flying into his arms. He caught her, holding onto her tightly, so relieved and grateful to see her, as she hugged him back. Then he saw Ryan, Beckett and Castle quickly approaching behind Alexis.
"Hey," he said to everyone over Alexis's shoulder. "Thanks for coming. Where's Lily?"
"There's nowhere else we'd be," Kate said, "and she's at home with Martha."
"So what's going on?" Kevin asked.
Javier released Alexis, who stood beside him, her arm wrapped around him, her hand resting on top of his shoulder. "He followed me," Javier said. "I went to the cemetery where my mom and abuela are buried, and he showed up there. It's all kind of a blur. I was telling him I had nothing to say to him and all of a sudden, he started having trouble breathing and clutching at his chest. Then he collapsed. I went into work mode and dialed 911. I called Lex and Ryan before following the ambulance here, which is the closest hospital. I still don't know anything. I don't know if it was a heart attack or what."
"It might have been," Alexis mused.
Javier looked at her, surprised. "You sound like you know something."
"I do know something about your—about him," Alexis said, at a total loss as to what to call Matias, since she didn't feel he deserved to be referred to as Javier's dad or father.
"What do you know?" Javier asked, puzzled.
"And how did you find it out?" Kate asked. Everyone was looking at Alexis with great interest now.
Alexis didn't flinch. "When we were looking for information on him this morning, Kevin, you said that one of the few phone calls he had made was to a 24-hour pharmacy a few blocks from his motel," she said.
Kate, Rick, and Kevin exchanged looks all around. "Alexis, tell me you didn't," Kate said quietly, urgently.
Alexis looked the woman she had adopted as her mother right in the eye. "There was a guy my age working behind the pharmacy counter. I told him I wanted to know if my father-in-law's prescriptions were ready. He didn't question it, so I gave him the name, and he told me that there was one prescription that wasn't ready yet, Salmeterol, and that the instructions were to contact him by phone when it was ready. I said that was fine, and then I left."
"Alexis," Kevin said, "you do know that that's...well..."
"The word you're looking for is 'illegal,' Ryan," Kate supplied. "That was illegal, Alexis. It was a violation of HIPAA. Pharmacies are included in that. My god, if you got caught, you could have been arrested, gone to jail, at the very least had to pay a very hefty fine."
"I didn't say I was proud of doing it, Mom," Alexis said. "But I had to."
"Why?" Rick asked. "Why did you have to?" He was certain he knew what Alexis's answer would be, but he wanted to hear her explanation.
Alexis looked at Javier beside her before looking back at her father, her gaze also encompassing Kate and Kevin as well. "Javier is hurting. I see it in his eyes every time I look at him. I can't do anything to make that hurt go away, but we were all looking for answers this morning about why his father is back in his life after all these years, and what it is, exactly, that he wants from Javier. We didn't have anything solid to go on, and I went out to the motel to talk to him but he wasn't there, so when I was leaving, I passed the pharmacy, and yes, I went in and I asked about his prescription, and I know it was wrong, but I had to do something, and it was all I could think to do. And I would do it again." She knew that last part sounded defiant, but at the moment, she didn't care.
Rick and Kate exchanged a look now, having a silent conversation in the process before agreeing to talk about it in more depth later. "This does not go beyond the five of us," Kate said sternly. The others readily agreed.
Javier asked the burning question. "So what is he taking?"
Alexis focused her attention solely on Javier now. "Salmeterol," she replied. "It's a long-acting bronchodilator most commonly used to treat COPD."
Javier let out a breath he hadn't been aware he was holding. "So he has COPD," he said.
"That's the likeliest scenario," Alexis agreed.
Kevin and Rick both had their phones out and were Googling COPD. "COPD can cause heart attacks," Rick reported.
"We don't know what stage he's in," Kevin said, looking up from his phone, "but end-stage COPD causes breathing complications, respiratory failure, and lung infections."
Javier gave a curt nod. "So he came back because he's dying," he said. He honestly didn't know how to feel about that. "And I still don't know if he's back because he wants to make amends or try to make some kind of peace with me, try to explain why he abandoned me...or if he's looking for me to pay his medical bills. Something tells me this is not an inexpensive disease."
Before anyone could respond to Javier, a young doctor, probably not much older than Alexis, came out. "Family of Matias Esposito?" he asked.
Javier stepped forward. "I'm his son," he said.
"I'm Dr. Kauzlarich," the man said. He had a stethoscope draped around his neck and reached out to shake Javier's hand. "As you know, your father has end-stage COPD."
"I just found out," Javier said. Off the doctor's look of surprise, Javier explained, "We've been estranged for several decades. He just turned up recently and I didn't know what he wanted. I guess I do now."
Dr. Kauzlarich fumbled to recover. "Well, ah...I..." He paused, then tried again. "He's resting comfortably now, but we have him on 100% oxygen. He gave us the name of his primary care physician in Miami, and we've already contacted him to get your father's records faxed up here. He was diagnosed four years ago, and he had part of his right lung removed last year because of cancer. The surgery and chemotherapy were successful, as far as it goes, but did nothing to arrest the progress of the COPD."
"When you say he has 'end-stage COPD,' what exactly does that mean?" Alexis asked.
"They're all family," Javier said when Dr. Kauzlarich looked at him questioningly. "There's nothing they can't hear."
"Basically it means that he's been living with this for a long time, and that the loss of part of his right lung makes the already difficult task of breathing that much more difficult for him," Dr. Kauzlarich replied. "Breathing can be either involuntary or voluntary. Given the state of his respiratory system, your father is having to work considerably harder at breathing voluntarily, and his lungs and heart are having to work considerably harder at breathing involuntarily. We'll be better able to gauge things once his records arrive, but for now, as I said, he's on oxygen and resting comfortably. However, it's an oxygen mask, so you won't be able to talk to him until tomorrow. At least, not so the two of you can have a conversation." Dr. Kauzlarich's beeper went off then. He looked at it, then said, "Excuse me, I'm being paged for another emergency. I'll check on your father before he's moved to ICU." Then the doctor hurried off.
Javier sighed and folded his hands, resting them on top of his head. Everyone was silent for a long moment. "I should go talk to him," Javier said, "explain what's going on."
"Do you want me to come with you?" Alexis offered.
"I think I gotta do this part by myself," he said honestly. "I swear I'm not shutting you out, I just...I don't even know what I'm feeling, what I'm supposed to be feeling. And now I'm gonna have to talk to him tomorrow. I just want to get this part over with. Wait for me?"
"Of course," Alexis said.
Javier went into the ER cubicle where Matias lay on a bed, hooked up to several monitors and with an oxygen mask over his nose and mouth. "Your secret is out," he said by way of greeting. "You have COPD that's apparently in its end stages, and you had part of your right lung removed last year because you had cancer. You showed up in my life now because you're dying." Matias looked at Javier sadly, but Javier remained stoic. "Don't talk now. They're waiting for your medical records from Miami to get here, and you're gonna be here until at least tomorrow night. They'll be moving you to ICU in a while." They looked at each other for a long moment. "Well, you're getting what you wanted, I suppose, but this is a hell of a way to go about it. You and I are going to have to talk now. Well, tomorrow night." Matias looked hopeful at this. Javier jerked a thumb over his shoulder. "I'm leaving now. Make it easy on yourself and do what the doctors tell you to do. I'll be back tomorrow night and then...then, we're going to finally have to talk."
Javier turned and walked out of the cubicle to find Alexis, Ryan, Beckett and Castle all still waiting for him. "Let's go," he said. "I'm done here for today."
They all walked out together, silently. When they reached the parking lot, Javier clapped Kevin on the back. "Thanks for coming down here, bro," he said.
"I'll always have your back, Javi. You know that," Kevin replied. "If you need anything, just call."
Javier nodded. "I will," he said. Kevin said his goodbyes to the others and headed home.
"You're welcome to stay with us again tonight, Espo," Rick said.
"Thanks, Castle, but I have a lot of thinking to do before tomorrow night, and it's not gonna be easy, or pleasant," Javier replied. "I don't want my mood to affect Lily. I'm glad she'll never have to deal with anything like this."
Alexis looked both disappointed and worried. "Does that mean you want to be alone tonight?" she asked.
"I won't be very good company," Javier said.
"But you might need somebody," Alexis countered.
"Not 'somebody,'" he replied. "You." He pulled his keys out of his pocket and handed them to Alexis. "I've had a really draining day. Do you mind driving?"
"No," she said. She closed her hand around the keys, then looked at Rick and Kate. "I'll call you later, let you know if I'm going to be home tonight."
"Okay," Rick said. She went and hugged them both before returning to Javier's side, and Rick and Kate watched them head off together toward Javier's car.
When they had disappeared from sight, Kate said, "We should probably head home ourselves."
"Yeah," Rick agreed.
As they headed to Rick's car, Kate said, "Alexis really shouldn't have done that at the pharmacy."
"No, she shouldn't have," Rick agreed, "but I understand why she did it."
"Oh, I do too," Kate said. "She really loves him. And he really loves her."
"They're starting to remind me of us," Rick mused. "I honestly believe that Alexis loves Esposito enough that she'd break him out of jail."
"I'd get you out of jail," Kate said. "As I recall, I told you that once."
"I remember," Rick replied. They had reached the car now. "While we were working that case, Mother said to me that when it came down to it, if I was willing to break a woman out of jail, that is true love. And I would absolutely break you out of jail."
"You almost went to jail with me," Kate reminded him. "No matter how many times I tried to push you away, even if it was for your own safety, you wouldn't go."
"I couldn't," Rick said simply. "There aren't a lot of things I'm absolutely certain of, but one thing I know for sure, and I've known it since we met: I am meant to be by your side, loving you and taking care of you and having a family with you and having your back and making you happy...always."
Kate kissed Rick then, right there in the middle of the hospital parking lot. The kiss lingered, and when Kate pulled back, she touched her forehead to Rick's before pulling her head back to look into his eyes. "I came so close to being a cold, empty, narrow, unhappy woman," she said. "For a long time, I really thought that was how I'd end up. But it turns out, I was just waiting for you. And everything that happened before we met..." She paused, then looked at him with a smile as she remembered his words from a few years ago. "Everything I've ever done, every choice I've ever made, every terrible and wonderful thing that's ever happened to me, it's all led me to right here, this moment, this life, with you." Rick smiled back and kissed her again. "Now," Kate said, "let's go home, take care of our youngest daughter and get her put to bed for the night, see if our oldest daughter is coming home tonight or not, and then..." She trailed off with a suggestive grin and a wink.
Rick opened the car door for Kate, and while she settled in and buckled up, he walked around to the driver's side, got in, and after buckling up himself, started the car and drove home.
"Do you think I'm a good person?" Javier asked Alexis much later that night, when they were lying in his bed together with the lights off and the full moon shining through the window.
Alexis turned her head to look at him. "I don't think you're a good person, I know you're a good person," she said.
"When Matias collapsed, I went straight into cop mode. I didn't feel anything. He might as well have been a stranger," Javier said.
"He is a stranger to you," Alexis pointed out gently.
"Shouldn't I have felt something, though? I know he's my father. He could have died out there, and I didn't feel anything at all. I didn't even feel numb, or angry, or indifferent. There was just...nothing." He looked at her. "How would you have reacted if it had been you at the cemetery and Meredith collapsed in front of you?"
"Meredith wouldn't collapse at a cemetery unless she was crashing Martin Scorsese's funeral and trying to get the attention of other big-time directors and casting people who might be among the mourners," Alexis replied matter-of-factly.
"She's your mother," Javier pointed out.
"Only in the sense that she gave birth to me. She was never my mom. She was never even my mother, really, and there is a difference. Kate is my mom."
"So you wouldn't feel anything at all if she collapsed in front of you? Not at Scorsese's funeral, just if it happened in the middle of the sidewalk?"
"I'd make sure it was for real, and if it was, then I'd call an ambulance. I'd go to the hospital with her. Beyond that, I'd call whoever she wanted me to call, if there was anyone. But would I be beating myself up over our lack of relationship? No, I wouldn't. But our situations are different, Javier."
"He's dying," Javier said. "And I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about that."
"You're going to feel about it how you're going to feel about it. There's no wrong way to feel here."
He sighed. "I'm gonna get answers tomorrow, and I don't have any idea what those answers are gonna be, or what they're going to mean for me going forward."
"You won't be going forward alone," Alexis said, moving closer to him and wrapping her arms around him. "Whatever happens, whatever you feel, we're in this together. We'll deal with all of it together." She moved one hand up to cup his cheek, and he leaned into her touch.
"I love you," he said.
"I love you too," Alexis replied. "No matter what happens with Matias, no matter how you end up feeling about him, I'm going to be by your side through all of it."
"Ride or die, huh?" Javier asked, cracking his first smile of the entire day.
"Forever," Alexis said seriously.
"I'm gonna hold you to that," Javier said just as seriously.
"You'd better," Alexis replied before smiling back at him and leaning in to brush her lips across his.
