3 days.
It's been 3 long torturous days since "the kiss to end all kisses," as she likes to think of it.
The kiss that took her through space and time.
The kiss that put her in Scarlett O'Hara's shoes and Clark Cable's fricken arms.
3 days to freak out about it.
72 hours to relive every detail. To question why she did it in the first place (spoiler alert, she knows why). To wonder if she's just ruined everything.
4,320 minutes to decide she regrets it only to change her mind and boldly declare she doesn't regret a second of it.
She's going to get serious emotional whiplash from this mess.
Tapping her pen rhythmically, Jess stares blankly at her computer not registering the words she's supposed to be copy-editing.
Glancing for maybe the tenth time at Nick's dark and empty office, she sighs deeply. Including the time he attempted to become "Farmer Nick," he hasn't been to the office for 10 days. The whispering and throat clearing Jess had told him about has slightly dissipated as their fellow co-workers found some new drama elsewhere in the office to focus on. There was always something going on in the publishing biz, new salacious stories around every corner (pun intended).
"Hey Alexa, play The Killers," Sanders says from 2 cubicles over.
Jess turns to see the Alexa perched on the cubicle wall to her right light up and begin playing "Mr. Brightside."
Sighing again, Jess's eyes return to her computer screen, attempting to focus as her foot begins tapping out the beat to the song.
...Gotta gotta be down, because I want it all
It started out with a kiss, how did it end up like this?
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss!
Maybe she should take Brandon Flowers' advice. It WAS only a kiss, right? A fantastic, mind-blowing, full body electrifying kiss...
No, it was ONLY a kiss...and Nick was clearly unaffected by it as he's still a no show at work, which is quite frankly irresponsible but also to be even more frank, yes this job can easily be done from home, so is it possible he's doing that? Yes. Likely? Even more yes. But, on the other hand, back to the kiss, if he felt anything at all, he would be here, right? To see her, to be near her, or even climbing on top of a cubicle and declaring his feelings for- wait no, that was, like, an episode of The OC or something.
No, no. It was only a kiss. Sure, she's broken up with Sam after that horrifically awkward experience at the airport with Nick. Turns out she had seen it as casual dating...he had almost bought a ring. Needless to say she needs to up her communication game...clearly, if the mess that is her and Nick's "relationship" isn't proof enough.
She's "shocked" Nick was unable to discern her internal dialogue with herself during their interactions in New York and how she had made it a point to not do anything sexual style with him before speaking to Sam (even if had desperately wanted to); because it wasn't fair to either man when she was being emotionally pulled in two different directions. So that night in the hotel, after realizing she had very real, very intense feelings for Nick and proceeded to semi-confess said feelings to a passed out drunk him, she had decided that before another word was spoken between them, she had to completely break things off with Sam.
Irrational? Yes. Hence the acting so strange, even for her the morning after, on the flight and at the LA airport.
Did it go according to plan? Most definitely not.
Because then Nick had to go and ask if she was engaged and she froze! Heck of a time to do it too.
So that afternoon, when Sam brought her home, she had broken it off completely, right there in the car. It was a crying snotty mess up in that Jeep wrangler.
And then a few days go by with no appearance from Nick, each day amping up her anxiety as she wrestled with the three truths revealed to her, one: a character was being written into the Pepperwood series based on her, two: Nick Miller was ghostwriting said Pepperwood series, meaning HE'S the one who wrote her in and three: she was totally crushing on him...and she needed to tell him ASAP.
But then the man disappears for an entire week!
So what is her plan? Well it's a three-parter: one: find him, two: smack him upside the head for avoiding her and assuring him she's capable of keeping his secret safe and three: tell him how she feels.
And what does she do? One: finds him at Tran's farm (most obvious hiding place in the world), two: ends up yelling and arguing with him and three: grabs him and kisses the hell out of him before running away.
Once again, her communication skills are just top notch. No one communicates complicated emotions like she can! Except, of course, the King of Feelings, one Mr. Nick Miller.
She snorts a laugh at that.
She's cutting him some slack though because well, she kissed him but then left him, literally milliseconds after laying one on him! How was he supposed to know what it meant or how she feels? Although maybe the kiss said enough? Isn't that how it works in movies and tv? Kiss, smiles, roll credits?
Clearly that's not how things go in the real world since he's still MIA. Maybe she misread every moment they've had together over the last six months, and the whole character based on her thing and secret spilling stuff and twinkly lights on roof tops and deep whisky brown eyes gazing in to hers. She does have a tendency to misinterpret things...
Well, that's fine then. So he doesn't feel the same, no big deal. She's a grown woman, she'll get over this crush (is it just a crush, though?) and then meet someone amazing.
Maybe even someone with an accent, that would be nice.
Nodding to herself, Jess sits up straight, amping herself up to begin the process of getting over Nick. It'll be totally easy and she's determined to not let it affect their working relationship; because she loves Pepperwood too much to let a silly (serious) crush ruin it. She can totally, 100% get over Nick Miller without a problem.
She spends the next 20 minutes trying to convince herself of that, however the way her stomach clenches every time the elevator dings or someone walks by his office out of the corner of her eye and she thinks it might be him, would say otherwise.
"Ughh," Jess growls as she clicks in to the google doc. to change a their to there.
"What's up, Day?" Sanders pushes away from his desk and spins to face Jess's back.
"Nothing, Sanders, just the usual grammar crimes."
"I hear that." Jess rolls her eyes. He most definitely doesn't "hear that," because Jess knows for a fact Sanders is a notorious contraction abuser.
The sounds of squeaking and shoes shuffling on carpet fills her ear and suddenly, Sanders is at her left elbow.
"Hey, what's up with Miller, he on an extended vacation or something?"
"What? No. I mean, how would I know? Maybe?" Good gosh was she terrible at subterfuge...she wonders if Jessica Knight, her fictional counterpart is any better at it.
Sanders leans in conspiratorially, the barbecue sauce stain on his blue button down taking all her focus. It kind of looks like the state of Florida with a bit of Georgia tacked on the top.
"I heard his head's on the chopping block.," he whispers.
"What?!" Jess shouts, startling Sanders and her cubicle neighbor, Elizabeth, whose head suddenly pops above the barrier.
"You guys talking about Nick?" She whispers.
"I overheard Leo talking to Shane, big changes coming for that Pepperwood account. Apparently Nick is too inconsistent and they want a rock on the account because the latest book was such a hit."
"But that's just...how could...that's exactly why he SHOULD stay on the account, because he brought the books back in to the spotlight!" Jess sputters.
"I hear they're going to give the whole account to you," Elizabeth says quietly.
"Me? But that...won't work!" Jess protests. "I need Nick." Elizabeth gives her a funny look at the level of conviction in her voice.
"I mean - I - it's just, we're a team. We're solid. We're the rockiest team to ever rock...in the solid way, not the music way," she finishes lamely.
"Then where's Nick been?" Elizabeth asks with an eyebrow raised.
Jess focuses back on her computer screen and begins randomly clicking and highlighting words. "Probably some overdue vacation, or a publishing retreat. I'm his rock teammate not his assistant."
"Seems to me that this team of yours is a bit, shall we say, rocky?" Sanders looks way too proud of himself for coming up with that pun.
"Can we drop the rock metaphor," Jess snaps.
"I dunno," Sanders leans back in his chair so far that he almost topples over, flailing to correct himself as he sits up, clearing his throat. "I'm just saying there's a change coming. Whole office can feel it."
Elizabeth nods solemnly in agreement.
Jess can only stare in shock between he and Elizabeth, attempting to contemplate everything she just heard. It can't be true. Leo would never take Pepperwood away from Nick, that just doesn't make any kind of sense. The uncomfortable feeling in her stomach from earlier has grown into full blown nausea.
"Day! My office!" Leo's voice booms out.
She jumps in her swivel chair, slamming her knee into the desk, Sanders and Elizabeth staring at her wide eyed.
Jess gathers herself, then quickly stands and limps off to Leo's office.
She enters his office, fingers fidgeting with her glasses as she takes a seat.
"Give me a happy status update on Pepperwood, Day," Leo says as he settles his impressive girth into his chair and begins clicking his mouse, eyes on the monitor.
"Oh," Jess shifts in her seat. "Well, I-I believe Tr-Tran is nearly finished with the first draft of the next book."
"How sure are you?"
"Pretty sure?" She grimaces, mentally cursing Nick for being MIA and putting her in this uncomfortable situation of not knowing the answers to Leo's status questions.
"Alright, well that makes me 'pretty' happy," Leo says before finally swinging his eyes off of his monitor and landing on Jess who sits up a bit straighter.
"Jess," he brings his meaty hands to his desk and clasps them together, looking like a principal about to discipline a student. "Clyde Co. Publishing is on the up, thanks in part to you. You were a solid hire and there's no doubt everyone here likes you, Sanders a bit too much." He snorts in laughter and Jess can only suck in her lips and nod, radiating discomfort.
"Although I think Miller was a bit dubious, that guy has serious trust issues."
Jess does her best to keep her face neutral because as far as "no shit Sherlock" statements go, that one was a doozy.
"But Pepperwood is the cornerstone to this company, and when it falters, the company suffers; and when the company suffers, I suffer. Ulcers act up, heart burn worsens, and don't even get me started on the IBS."
Jess's eyes are wide behind her glasses and she clenches her jaw to keep it from dropping open in both horror and disgust at the unbelievable levels of TMI. Where the heck was he going with all this?
Leo becomes distracted by something on his screen, fingers quickly clacking away. When he finishes typing he continues his inane speech.
"Luckily for all of us, Pepperwood doesn't seem to be faltering." Jess nods vigorously in confirmation. "...It's account holder, however, is," Leo sighs. Jess opens her mouth to immediately protest when Leo dips his chin and leans over his desk slightly.
"Did you guys...you know...did anything happen in New York?"
Stunned Jess closes her eyes and feels her mouth gape like a fish, choking on the denial.
"Ahhhhhh," Leo points a meaty finger at her as a sly smile fills his face. "I knew it! Miller! My man!"
"No!" Jess shrieks before looking behind herself at the office door. "No!" She repeats at a much lower, yet no less severe, tone. "Nothing happened between us. We're just partners! Pepperwood partners! That's it!" She knows her defensiveness right now is very telling but she just can't seem to stop herself.
"Alright, alright." Leo raises his hands in a placating manner. "Whether you guys boned or not, things have been weird. Miller's done disappearing acts before, but this one's different." He continues on about his theories as to why Nick isn't coming in, most of them related to her but she stops listening, lost in her own head.
Oh God, Sanders and Elizabeth were right, he's going to take Pepperwood away from Nick, and it's her fault. She drove him to this, to being absent from work, to making Leo think he can't cut it anymore, to all the ruined shirts from his sweaty back. All because of her. And now she's going to cause him to lose his ow book series!
She really is the living worst.
"No," she says bluntly, cutting off whatever disgusting theories about she and Nick he was babbling on about. She won't let this happen. She won't let them take Pepperwood away from Nick.
"You can't."
"Can't what, Day?" Leo is back to clicking away on his computer. He was such a monumental turd sometimes.
"You can't take Pepperwood away from Nick, it's...it's...he's way too important to the series!"
Leo's typing stops abruptly. "I know that."
"You...know?" Jess asks, careful not to elaborate, unsure if Leo means he "knows" knows (as in knows Nick is writing it) or just knows that Nick is important to the book series in a publishing agent way.
"Yeah," Leo laughs. "Somehow, some way, Miller always gets it done. Sometimes it's a hit sometimes it's not, doesn't matter to me, keeps writing checks either way, ya know?"
"Nice," Jess responds sarcastically. Leo could give 2 shits about Pepperwood as long as he hits his number and gets paid. It didn't mean anything to him, but it meant something to her. Meant a whole lot of something to her.
"That's why I'm not taking him off Pepperwood."
Jess breathes a sigh of relief, relaxing into the chair again.
"I'm taking you off it."
Wait, what? Jess physically recoils in her seat, as if Leo slapped her.
"Yeah, look, whatever weird thing is going on between you two, I don't care, but it's clearly not working for Nick. So I was going to give to Robbie, but he's got that 50 shades knock-off, 50 shades of blood orange or something? I don't remember. Either way, with him unavailable I had to give Pepperwood to Shane."
The office is silent for a moment as Jess comprehends what just happened. As the realization hits, she grips the arms of her chair and girds herself.
"Shane? Seriously?" Jess's voice rises. Her heart is beating wildly in her chest and her thoughts are a tornado of shock, confusion and indignation. Shane? Ok first of all, great girl, Jess is the last person to want to bring a fellow co-worker down, let alone a female co-worker. Shane was a very determined agent, one could even say cutthroat. She was bold and Jess admired her bravery when it came to standing up for her ideas (even if those ideas were terrible...seriously an "all guys" series with only male characters and male authors...yikes...also pretty sure that's been done). But then second of all, Jess is pretty sure Shane's been thirsting after Nick for the past year and something about that really rubs her the wrong way. And thirdly, but most importantly, Pepperwood is hers! Working with Nick is her thing. And she will not let either of them go without a fight.
"You can't, Nick and I are a team, we work really well together!" Leo makes a face at that, one of those "I'm sure you make a great team...in the bedroom" faces.
"No, stop it," Jess snaps. "We published the most successful Pepperwood book since it's peak 5 years ago. We've been granted multiple accolades and awards!" In order to control the hysteria she felt rising in her chest Jess closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, moving to the edge of the seat.
Leo has a neutral expression on his face, at least he wasn't typing anymore.
"Look, Leo, I am 100% dedicated to Pepperwood," And to Nick, she thinks but doesn't say out loud. "Please do not give Pepperwood to anyone else." The hysteria she had felt earlier has given way to determination, and a boldness fills her spirit.
"And I'm not really asking, I'm...giving you a heads up." She finishes with finger guns. Felt it was an appropriate moment to pull those puppies out.
The silences following her declaration stretches on between them for an uncomfortable amount of time before Leo finally breaks it.
"Well that got serious," he laughs. "You're adorable when you're feeling feisty, Day," he follows condescendingly.
In another life that threat definitely would have worked, she thinks, her shoulders drooping in disappointment.
"Leo, if you would just listen-" She begins, preparing to fight him for hours if necessary when the soundtrack to Hamilton suddenly fills the office. Leo picks up his phone and points to it.
"You ever seen this show? I love it, seen it 4 times," he says before accepting the call. "Leo here."
Jess sits there grinding her teeth and gripping her hands together, doing everything in her power to not launch across the desk and throttle his jowls. How had this day gone from mediocre to bad to worse?
"Jess, I gotta take this, would ya mind," he juts his chin to the door before returning to the phone call.
She stands, her natural inclination to be polite and leave but then her fury rises again. She spins away from the door ready to really lay in to Leo even with him on the phone, manners be damned (it's undoubtedly not a business call anyway, seeing as he's currently going on about what he had for dinner last night).
"On the phone, Day. Not changing my mind." He says before she gets a single word out as he swivels away from her like some obnoxious villain in a Batman movie.
She can't tell what her heart or stomach is doing. One or both of them seems to be twisting painfully and it's affecting her ability to breathe properly. Why does it feel like she just lost something monumental. Something essential to her happiness? Something that feels like everything?
Too gobsmacked to argue further, she turns robotically and heads for the door. She leaves Leo's office in a daze, unsure of which emotion is winning out between rage and heartbreak.
"No, I can't wait, you're like the idea man around here."
Recognizing Shane's voice, Jess looks left to see Nick at his office door, fumbling with his keys to unlock it, eyebrows scrunched together in concentration, or maybe confusion. Her heart jumps to her throat at the sight of him. An involuntary smile flits across her face but it quickly falls as she watches the scene unfold. He doesn't look up to see her, instead looking back over his right shoulder at Shane, a strange jerkiness to his movements as he opens his door wide to let her in the office. He looks nice, in a black henley and his "fancy" jeans (aka not stained or ripped) and she can see Shane appreciating how he looks as she saunters in to his office, ipad and the latest Pepperwood clutched in her hands.
Heartbreak. It's definitely heartbreak winning out.
