Tweek
Tweek still couldn't look at Craig.
They were almost to the taller boy's house after a day spent attempting to smile when all he wanted to do was cry. He'd gotten berated by Kenny and Cartman for his outburst during the wedding, both of them had been furious after all. Even Wendy had given him a venomous glare for what had happened. The only reason he'd escaped at all was Craig showing up beside him as always and pulling him away.
But that hadn't made it better. If anything, it had made everything so much worse. Because then he'd had to follow along behind Craig and Bebe ask they talked to people. Even though he'd felt Craig's eyes on him more than once, Tweek hadn't looked up, hadn't dared to meet Craig's eyes, for fear of seeing the disappointment and irritation in them that he knew he deserved. Maybe if Craig had said something to Tweek then the boy would have been able to convince himself that Clyde was right and Craig didn't hate him, but the Noirette hadn't said a word. He'd been entirely silent.
Bebe had talked to him plenty, Tweek had been able to look her in the eye. She was always smiling when she talked to him, and she was clearly encouraging him to smile and be happier, but he hadn't been able to push himself to do anything of the sort. He'd just wrapped his arms around his chest more tightly and felt that much worse. Bebe shouldn't be so nice to him, if she knew how much he wished that she and Craig weren't together, she'd probably hate him, but she didn't know and so she could still smile like he was a decent human deserving of such grace.
But he hadn't looked at Craig, because Craig would see through him to the disgusting thing inside of him that was controlling his actions. The alien that wouldn't leave him alone, the thing that just wanted Craig to be his friend and not be around Bebe. Craig would see it and he'd hate Tweek for sure. Best to just not look at him, best to just stay away.
Then the party had ended, and they'd all headed home. Tweek had expected Craig to walk Bebe home, but instead, the boy had just headed in the direction of Tweek's house, leaving Clyde to walk the blond girl home. Even then, Tweek hadn't been able to push himself to look at Craig.
Now they were walking to Craig's house, Tweek shuffling along several steps behind the Noirette, terrified of what was going to happen. The rest of the day had been so horrible, he wasn't sure how it could get much worse, but he was sure it could. After all, when did things not get worse in South Park? They literally did nothing but.
Shivering in the cold air, Tweek let out a soft whimper that caused Craig to turn around. Quickly looking down at his feet as his stomach flip-flopped, Tweek twitched and pulled Craig's cloak around himself more tightly. He could feel Craig's eyes on him and it was terrifying. Half of him expected Craig to look away like he'd done every other time he'd decided to stare at Tweek that day, but instead, the boy slowly walked over to him. Hunching his shoulders, Tweek wished he'd just gone home as Craig reached for him.
"You're quiet," Craig commented, running fingers through Tweek's hair slowly. Wishing he could lose himself in that feeling instead of being forced to face reality, Tweek shook and trembled as he shook his head, unwilling to talk. After a moment, Craig followed up his statement with a question. "What's up dude?"
When Tweek still didn't answer, Craig let out a short breath. The blond expected this to be the end of it, but instead, he found a finger being twitched under his chin. Unexpectedly, Craig lifted his head, tilting it upwards till Tweek could do nothing to avoid looking into the taller boy's eyes. Letting out a yelp, Tweek tried to get away but his body wasn't quite responding to him, it just left him there, shaking, unable to look away from the very person causing him so much strife. Jesus, he's gonna see! He's gonna read my thoughts and he's going to hate me for them!
But Craig didn't shove him away in disgust, he just took a deep breath and said, as though he'd read his thoughts and didn't care, "I'm sorry about today." Tweek shivered at those words but didn't speak, unsure what he would have even said. "I know it sucks." Letting his hand fall from Tweek's chin, Craig tugged on his chullo, which he'd finally been given back, and looked away. "It's just a stupid game though, we'll get through it."
A breath fleeing Tweek's lungs, the blond twitched and muttered, "Okay." It still hurt, but somehow, knowing that Craig didn't hate him made it better. Maybe he can't read my thoughts…. Maybe he could just ignore the alien and all of the stupid things he wanted to say about Craig dating Bebe and eventually they'd go away.
Drawing in a quick breath, Craig suddenly continued, "I never wanted to date her, it just sort of happened." The words made Tweek shiver, because hearing that Craig didn't like it either did something weird to his insides. "But…" As if he were struggling with what he was going to say, the Noirette sucked in his cheeks before settling on, "I'm not going to forget you or Token or Clyde. Bebe's just… there. You're way more important."
Like he'd said his piece, Craig suddenly turned around and grabbed Tweek's hand before starting towards his house once more. Stumbling along behind the taller boy, now unable to take his eyes off of him, Tweek let those words sink in. He's not going to forget me… I'm more important. Though he'd sort of know it was what he wanted to hear, he honestly hadn't expected Craig to ever say it. Sure, it didn't make everything better, but it made some of the pain in his chest lessen and the burning behind his eyes he'd been feeling since the wedding go away.
As Craig pulled him up to his front steps, he fumbled the key out of his pocket and opened the door slowly, as if cautious of something, but then he pushed it open more quickly and pulled Tweek inside. Tripping over the threshold, Tweek sort of just expected the warm, strong arm that looped around his chest and kept him from falling. I wonder if he'd catch Bebe like that… Well, maybe he would, but that didn't mean he'd stop being there for Tweek. Even though it hurt, he tried to focus on the good things instead of the bad. Because Craig needs me to be his friend right now.
Following the boy up to his room, hardly paying attention to Ruby, who poked her head out of her room so she could stare at him, Tweek huddled up behind the boy as he opened his door and allowed him to enter before closing the door behind him. "Fuck," Craig muttered, as soon as it was just the two of them. "It's been a long day."
"Y-yeah," Tweek agreed, shivering. "S-sorry for… For everything that happened," he apologized as he watched Craig go over to Stripe and check his food and water. Wrapping his arms around his stomach, that horrible feeling he'd had when he watched Craig and Bebe hold hands and say they loved each other rise up in him once more, Tweek shut his eyes and pushed out, "Ngh- I didn't m-mean to-"
"Nah dude, it's alright," Craig assured him, petting his guinea pig through the bars of his cage as he spoke. "No one blames you for it."
"Cartman and Kenny do," Tweek pointed out, twitching.
"I don't." Getting to his feet, Craig rolled his neck as he started taking off the various layers of his costume. Digging around in one of his drawers, Craig tossed Tweek his Nasa tee-shirt and a pair of sweatpants that probably wouldn't fit him. "That whole thing was fucking horrible. It's shitty that you had to sit through it."
"It wasn't like y-you could change it…" Tweek shuffled his feet, looking down at Craig's clothing as he twitched and shook. Craig kept moving around the room, getting dressed, but Tweek couldn't bring himself to move much. "Besides –ghn- y-you and Bebe are going to be happy."
Craig froze at those words, before pushing himself back into movement. "Yeah, I guess." Glancing up at the boy, Tweek found him already dressed in his pajamas. With that galaxy cat shirt and those fuzzy pants, the boy looked every bit as cool as he had earlier, all done up for the wedding. Tweek felt pathetic compared to Craig, like he might as well just curl up in a ball and die for all the good he did the world.
Shuffling over to Tweek, Craig gazed down at him for a moment before reaching up and running fingers through his blond hair. Shivering at the contact, Tweek closed his eyes and let out a soft, "Ngh-" as chills ran down his spine. The alien in his stomach seemed to have fallen silent, and for once, he didn't feel his insides lurch and ache. Instead, he was allowed to enjoy the feeling of Craig absently playing with his hair, as if he'd forgotten what he was doing.
Unbidden, the thought of Craig playing with Bebe's hair ran through Tweek's mind and just like that, his stomach rolled. Thankfully, Craig had moved on, instead choosing to take his cloak off of the blond, pulling it carefully from the boy's fingers. As he tossed it in the direction of the rest of his costume, Craig said, "You know dude, you don't have to pretend you like me and Bebe being together." He said it awkwardly, like he wasn't even sure if he should be speaking at all. "I don't like it either right now."
Hearing Craig so casually spilling the one thing Tweek was so scared of the Noirette knowing, the boy yelped and quickly insisted, "N-no! I- I'm just n-not used to it is all!" Waving his arms insistently, not liking the frown that came over Craig's face, Tweek squeaked, "Jesus man! I –rrr- d-don't hate her! Bebe's really cool! I just… I'm not used to it." As he said the words again, Tweek tried to settle himself into that mindset. Because he wasn't used to it, and maybe that was the only reason it hurt so much.
"You'll get used to it later?" Craig asked, making Tweek let out an involuntary sound. Oh god, why is he asking me that? What if I say something I don't mean!?
"I will," Tweek promised, mostly trying to convince himself. I have to. I have to be a good friend for Craig. Clyde is doing it, and he likes Bebe. I'm just being stupid because I don't want Craig to abandon me. I don't even have a good reason to be upset.
"Okay," Craig said easily, like that settled the matter just fine. Reaching out, the boy pulled the Manbearpig pelt off of Tweek before stooping to the ground and picking up the tee-shirt. Carefully, the boy helped Tweek into it, as though it was entirely normal to be helping him dress himself. It wasn't, but Tweek just let him, because Craig's presence was calming him down, and he desperately needed that.
Once he'd gotten the shirt on, Tweek dropped to the floor so he could struggle out of his boots and pants. Craig watched him absently, only stirring so he could take Tweek's costume and add it to the pile his own costume was in. Working the overlarge sweatpants onto his legs, Tweek stared down at his feet, which were covered by the material, before curling in on himself, bunching his knees against his chest so he could rest his chin on his legs. Twitching, he watched the floor, unsure what else he was supposed to do.
There was the sound of Craig walking before the lights in the room went out. Hardly even twitching at the change, mostly because he was used to the darkness of Craig's room, Tweek kept staring at his toes. He liked the silence of being alone with Craig in the boy's room. There weren't any monsters in here. Sure, Craig had monsters, but Craig's monsters came from outside of the boy's room. In here, it was safe.
Still, he felt better when Craig sat down on the floor in front of him. Detecting the boy scooting closer, Tweek just watched as Craig's legs splayed out so he could fit the blond between them. He could hear Craig's breathing and its deep evenness made his own rapid heartrate slow somewhat. I wish he was always here with me, I wish it was always just us. Maybe Token and Clyde sometimes, but mostly just us. Without even thinking it through, Tweek blurted out, "Y-you promise you won't forget me?"
Ceasing his slow creep closer to Tweek, Craig let out a breath. "Of course." His voice was a lot closer than Tweek had anticipated, and suddenly he found arms wrapping around him, unfurling him from his knees and coaxing the boy into relaxing. Letting his own legs straighten till they were sticking out into the gap left by Craig's legs, Tweek twitched and made an odd noise that was something like a whimper and a sigh.
Pulling Craig's arms tighter around him, Tweek closed his eyes and let the feeling of the other boy breathing sooth him. He felt like recently Craig had been hugging him far more than usual. He wasn't really complaining, he liked it. The closeness of another human, one he trusted with more than just his life, was something that Tweek wasn't used to, but definitely wished he was. It wasn't like there was anyone else who cared quite like Craig. Clyde was alright, and Token was too. Even Bebe was wonderful to him, but Craig was special.
It was times like these, when Craig was holding Tweek like he was precious, that the blond saw this most clearly.
Unexpectedly, Craig suddenly fell backward, pulling Tweek with him. Sprawling out on top of Craig with a squeak, Tweek shivered for a moment because this wasn't something he was used to, before he slowly calmed down. Craig's hand naturally gravitated towards his hair, and Tweek found himself curling up on top of the taller boy, content to allow Craig to do what he wanted. I'm glad he's here. I'm glad he cares.
"Hey," Craig's voice broke the stillness, causing Tweek to jerk slightly. The boy was pointing at the ceiling, his fingers lazily tracing the star map he had spread above them. "How many of them do you remember?" Eyes widening, Tweek was about to scream that a question like that was too much pressure when a familiar pattern of stars caught his eye and he found himself twisting so he could properly see all the glittering stars above them.
Lifting a shaking hand, Tweek nibbled his lip before slowly saying, "Cassiopeia, r-right?" When he felt Craig's nod brush against the side of his head, Tweek twitched against the boy's chest and moved his hand on, looking for the constellations that Craig had told him about in the past. "And that one's –rrr- Hercules." Shifting to the other end of the room, Tweek mumbled, "That's Leo?"
Enveloping Tweek's hand in his larger palm, Craig gently guided the boy's fingers as he carefully directed it to other star patterns. "And there's the Charioteer. And right over there is-"
"Gemini!" Tweek squeaked, surprising himself. Though he couldn't see the other boy's face, he could almost feel Craig's smile. There was something about it, the way it pulled at the muscles of his neck, that Tweek had memorized somehow. Craig was always happiest when he was staring at the stars. Tweek wished he could all the time in the world just staring at them with the Noirette and listening to his deep voice explain why the planets turned and why the stars shined so brightly.
Letting go of Tweek's hands, Craig softly continued, "And there's Lyra. And there's Cygnus." He kept going, listing off constellations because of course, he'd memorized them all. Though he was falling into the boy's words, Tweek's mind couldn't help but wander to the subject that wouldn't leave him alone. The horrible I wonder if he'd do this with Bebe that kept pestering him like a starving dog. He wished it would leave him alone, but it just stole his own peace greedily, devouring it and leaving him with nothing but a question burning in his lungs.
"Are you gonna –grrr- s-stare at the stars with Bebe?" Tweek blurted out, interrupting Craig's soft voice. Feeling horrible, Tweek tangled his fingers in the front of Craig's shirt and buried his face in it, wishing he could just disappear. Why do I have to ask things like that? Why do I have to ruin all the good moments? Except that's what Bebe's presence was doing to Tweek, invading his mind and making him feel sick like he wanted to throw up. He was so tired of it, but it kept not going away.
After a moment's deliberation, Craig, at last, said, "I dunno. Maybe." Picturing Bebe curled up against Craig as he talked about space, Tweek shivered and fought down the bile rising in his throat. He didn't want that, he didn't want Bebe to take his place. It was so stupid, but this was special to him. Craig didn't talk to Token or Clyde about the stars like this, Craig didn't just sit down with strangers and act so calm and wonderful. He only did it with people he trusted, he only did it with Tweek.
Which is why Tweek found himself twitching violently before pushing out the only thing that came to mind. "Don't." And even though part of him desperately wished he could take it back, Tweek didn't, he just waited for Craig's response. He couldn't explain, because that would reveal too many things, but he wasn't going to pretend like he didn't care. This one thing, he would fight for.
And maybe Craig had been thinking the same thing, because when he at last spoke, the only thing he said was, "Okay." Shivering, swallowing back the alien before it could crawl out of his throat, Tweek looked back up the ceiling and let the stars blur in his vision. He knew he was being selfish, but Craig's arm just tightened around him, and Tweek imagined that the boy was squeezing all those bad feelings out of him. Like he was a sponge and the Noirette was wringing him out, forcing those horrible sick feelings to go away for just a moment.
In that moment, he wasn't in Craig's room anymore. No, he was in a spaceship and Craig was next to him, piloting them through space. It was a wondrous sensation, even though it made him feel a little scared. Nibbling on his lip, Tweek shivered and asked, "Are you ever scared of –ghn- g-getting swallowed up by space or something?" Tightening his hold on Craig's shirt, Tweek babbled, "I mean, it's s-so big, and Jesus man, how will you find your way? What if you get lost?"
"I don't think I'd mind," Craig admitted, rolling them both over slowly. Allowing the taller boy to curl around him, Tweek's insides jerked as Craig continued, "If Space swallowed me up, then I would let it. It's better up there than down here, and I don't think anyone would much miss me if I flew off and never came back."
Shaking in Craig's hold, Tweek shook his head fervently at that, causing Craig to draw back a bit so he could look at the blond. Though he couldn't see the boy's face, Tweek still gave him an imploring stare as he insisted, "I would mind! I'd miss you!" Grabbing for Craig's free hand with one of his own, Tweek squeezed the boy's large palm and squeaked, "Oh god, d-don't get lost out there!"
Unexpectedly, Craig dragged Tweek's hand closer till it was pressed against his chest. Taking a deep breath, Craig closed his eyes, the sound of his lashes hitting his cheek only audible because Tweek's hearing was so acute. "Fine then, I'd take you with me so we could get lost together." When Tweek let out a squeak, Craig continued, "I know it's scary out there, but I don't think it would be that bad."
Huddling up against Craig, tucking himself under the Noirette's chin, Tweek wiggled his toes before admitting, "Rrr- I- I don't think it would be as scary, if y-you were there with me." Tweek could hear Craig's heart do something weird at those words, but he remembered something Kenny had said earlier about chemical reactions and decided that it was normal. It let him simply curl up against Craig's chest and let all of the worry and stress from the day slip through the cracks.
"Up there," Craig said softly, his voice flat, yet distant, as if it was fading. "We wouldn't have to deal with anyone else."
At once, Tweek asked, "Not even Bebe?" He knew he shouldn't but he needed to know. If the girl was going to be there, then he wasn't sure he could handle going to Space after all.
But Craig let out a puff of air that ruffled his hair, distracting him for a moment. The boy was silent for a long time after what Tweek had said, and he started to wonder if Craig had just fallen asleep, but then that deep, familiar voice said, "Especially not Bebe."
As the creature inside of Tweek's chest settled down, Tweek allowed himself to think to himself, then I want to go to Space with you forever, but didn't dare say it out loud. Instead, he just mumbled, "We'll get lost together, and –ngh- then everything will be better."
"Yeah," Craig agreed. "I think it will be…"
In that moment, Tweek felt better.
