An Unhealthy Escape
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters that are used in this story! Harry Potter belongs to the fabulous J K Rowling! Thank you J K Rowling!
A/N: Hello! It's been a bit longer than usual since my last update, but I have recently gone back to school so I have not had as much time to write as usual. I will still continue to update regularly though! I am also working on another one-shot story that would not leave me alone. Sometimes I can't focus on anything else until I write down whatever's in my head! Hope you enjoy, and please leave a review telling me what you thought! Wow I use a lot of exclamation marks in these author's notes. Milo.
Chapter 6:
Harry's jacket, which was of course about four sizes too big as it had belonged to Dudley, started to slip down and the sleeves covered his hand. Harry absentmindedly shook the sleeves back to free his hands. Something on Harry's wrist caught Remus' eyes, and he reached out and grabbed the teen's wrist tightly in his grasp.
"Remus, what's wrong?" asked Sirius confused. Harry sat there with wide, terrified eyes as the werewolf pulled the sleeves of both his jacket and shirt up to just above his elbow.
Remus and Sirius both gasped as Harry's forearm was revealed. The skin on his right arm was no longer smooth, but covered in jagged scars and cuts. Sirius rushed across the room to kneel next to Remus and get a closer look at his godson's arm.
"Harry why?" Remus asked, looking up at the boy with a tortured expression on his face. Remus knew some of the reasons people chose to harm themselves. He himself had once resorted to slashing his wrists to make himself feel better. But Harry had amazing friends, and all the support a teenage boy could need. Except for his parents that is. But Remus knew that Harry didn't do this because of Lily and James. No he would feel too guilty, like he was betraying them. Remus knew that if h had decided to trust Sirius and James with his secret he would never have resorted to harming himself.
"Harry what happened to your arm?" Sirius asked in a strangled voice. Sirius knew exactly what had happened to his godson's arm. He had, after all, helped Moony when he had been cutting himself. But even though he knew what happened to Harry's arm, he still wanted Harry to tell him that it wasn't what he knew it was. He wanted to hear some other explanation as to how the cuts and scars had come to be on Harry's arms.
Harry stood where he was, frozen in fear, with a terrified expression n his face. He knew one day that Remus and Sirius would find out. He had just hoped, perhaps foolishly, that he would have stopped hurting himself by then and it could all be forgotten. But deep down, Harry knew that he needed help. He would never admit it, even to himself, but he knew that he couldn't stop on his own.
It was as if the blade controlled him. It made him sane. Hell, at times it was the only thing that could keep him sane. Apart from perhaps little Ginny Weasley. She always seemed to be able to pull him out of his dark moods. 'Where did that come from?' Harry thought to himself, confused. He shook his head to clear. ''It's just because she doesn't get worried about things like Ron or Hermione, or ask me a hundred and twenty questions when I'm upset.' Harry tried in vain to convince himself that his feelings for the petite redhead were entirely platonic.
Harry was so immersed in his thoughts that he didn't realize that Sirius and Remus were trying to speak to him.
"Harry?!" he heard Sirius call. His head snapped up immediately, a slight blush appearing on his cheeks. "Yes," he answered.
"Why would you do this to yourself?" asked Remus. He looked between the two Marauders. They both looked very concerned and sad, but thankfully Harry didn't see any pity on their faces. He hated it when people pitied him.
"Er – well – see I – well…" Harry gave up on trying to talk and instead opted for staring at the carpet, which in Harry's opinion had become really quite fascinating in the last couple of minutes.
"Harry?" Sirius looked at the teen who seemed absolutely petrified. He wondered why he was so scared. Surely he knew that he could tell them anything by now. They weren't going to be angry or anything. Sure they'd be upset, but only because they were worried about him.
"Harry we're not angry. We're not disappointed. We're just worried. Will you tell us why you do it? We can't help you unless we know why you're hurting yourself," Sirius told the scared teen in a soft voice. Harry looked up at him, his emerald eyes meeting his godfather's gray ones.
"I don't know exactly. It – it helps," Harry said in a quiet voice. Normal wizards probably would not have been able to hear what Harry had said, but Sirius and Remus both had slightly heightened senses.
"Helps with what Harry?" Remus pressed. Sirius and Remus were whispering, as if afraid talking too loud would cause Harry to freak out and run away.
"I am sick and tired of all the attention. Of being the Boy-who-lived, the Wonder Boy who supposedly fended off Voldemort when he was one year old! I was one! I didn't do anything!" Harry stopped his rant only to take a deep breath and keep going. "I am sick of people expecting me to be the wizarding world's savior, and now the Prophets talking about me like I'm some kind of raving lunatic! Well now I'm not even sure if I'm not a lunatic. No, scratch that, I am definitely a lunatic and now everybody stares at me weird. Even weirder than they did before! I am sick to bloody death of people thinking that I'm going to be some amazing wizard with extraordinary bloody powers. I am sick of people going on about the amazing things that I've supposedly done. I had help with everything! I never did any of that alone! I am not special and I just wish people would stop telling me I am! I don't want to be bloody special! I just want to be a NORMAL BLOODY WIZARD!"
Sirius and Remus ducked down when the door of the glass cabinet against the back wall shattered, spraying small shards of glass all over the room. Harry stood then in the middle of the room, which was now covered in glass, fuming. He pulled his sleeves back down to cover his arm, before turning on his heel and storming out of the room leaving behind two very shocked, and slightly scared, Marauders.
"Well," said Sirius turning to his best friend. "Now we know why he's so upset!" Sirius said as if nothing bad had happened. Only the sadness and concern in his eyes gave him away. The rest of his face was arranged into a cold mask of indifference learned from so many years of abuse and neglect at the hands of the notorious Black family. Remus just glared at the dark haired idiot.
+HPSBRLHPSBRLHPSBRL+
Harry ran upstairs as fast as he possibly could, slamming his bedroom door loudly behind him. He leaned his back against the bedroom door, his face was flushed an angry red, and his breathing was fast and erratic. He could not believe that he had just yelled at Sirius and Remus for no reason. They were only trying to help him. And then he had gone and blown up the bloody cabinet for Merlin's sake! What was he, ten?
Harry heard the door bell ring and immediately the portrait of Sirius' mother, which quite conveniently was placed right near the door at the end of the entrance hall, started screeching the usual rubbish. She tended to do this whenever someone woke her up.
"HALF-BLOODS! HALF-BREEDS! BLOOD TRAITORS! CONTAMINATING THE NOBLEST HOUSE OF BLACK! HOW DARE YOU STAIN MY FATHER'S HOUSE WITH SUCH FILTH! MUGGLE LOVERS,"
The portrait suddenly went silent, and Harry assumed that wither Sirius or Remus had managed to pull the old dusty curtains back over the screeching portrait.
"Molly! Welcome! Don't mind my mother, she's a bit of a-." The rest of Sirius' comment was cut off by Remus.
"Sirius! Anyway, welcome Molly, Ron, Fred, George, Ginny. We thought you weren't coming for a few days?" Harry frowned when he heard this and opened the door slightly so that he could hear the conversation better.
"Yes, well Dumbledore showed up at the house this morning and told us that we would need to pack and move here early. We don't quite know why. He is talking to Arthur at the moment but he told me it was important to get the kids here as soon as possible," Mrs. Weasley explained.
Harry opened the door and walked down the stairs to see his best friend.
"Harry!" called Ron as soon as he came into the hall. Ron seemed to have grown a few inches since Harry had last seen him.
"Hello Harry dear," Mrs. Weasley greeted him warmly. "You look a bit peaky," she commented as she looked at him closely. "You're too thin, I am always telling you. Haven't you been eating enough?" Molly shot a dirty look at Sirius and Remus as if it was entirely their fault that Harry was too thin. Sirius and Remus were far from disagreeing with her. Molly frowned slightly when she saw the concerned and sad look on Remus Lupin's face. She hoped there was nothing wrong with Harry. She would have to ask him about it later, she decided.
"Hi Harry! It's great to see you!" exclaimed one of the twins.
"Yes, absolutely marvelous!" The other one cried. Harry thought it might be George.
"It's just such a pleasure to make your acquaintance once again!" The one Harry thought was Fred called. Harry rolled his eyes at the familiar ridiculous greeting. Fred and George loved to make fun of their older brother Percy's pompous and uptight manner. Greeting people like they were part of the muggle royal family seemed their favorite way to do so.
"Fred, George, do stop bothering the poor boy," said Mrs. Weasley. Harry noticed though that the comment lacked the usual sternness. She seemed almost… sad. Harry decided it was best not to mention it though.
"If you'll all come through to the kitchen Kreacher can get us all something to drink. I'll move all the trunks upstairs," Remus told them before levitating Ron's trunk up the stairs and to the bedroom he would share with Harry. Harry followed behind him, heaving Ginny's trunk up the stairs.
"Harry, just leave them downstairs, I can take them. Besides it's quicker when I do it," Remus told Harry.
"Yeah, but I don't feel like talking to anyone right now about how thin and tired I look," Harry replied. Remus frowned at Harry. This wasn't like Harry. Not at all.
"Harry, I know you don't want to talk to anyone about anything, but you do need to talk to Sirius and I. We want to help you. If you don't feel comfortable talking to us, then we can find someone else, but you can't keep hurting yourself Harry. Molly was right, you are awfully thin; you eat barely anything," Remus looked at Harry with sad eyes. His eyes were the only feature on his face that showed his real age. Remus always looked a few years older than he actually was because of the stress of his transformations, but his eyes were bright and sparkly.
"I don't need to talk to anyone," Harry told Remus shortly.
"Fine, you don't have to talk to anyone for now," Remus said sternly. "But you do need to go and get your blade and give it to me."
"Harry groaned. He knew that they would take his blade away, but he didn't know how he would survive without it. How he would maintain a grasp on what little sanity he had left. Harry put Ginny's trunk in the bedroom next to his and Ron's, which was where Ginny and Hermione would sleep, before dragging his feet towards the bathroom to fetch his precious razor blade.
When Harry came back, Remus was waiting on landing at the top of the stairs, having already put all the trunks into the bedrooms. Remus held out his hand as Harry walked past and Harry dejectedly dropped the small piece of metal onto his palm.
"Thank you Harry. I know how hard that was for you," Remus said quietly. Harry just grunted at him and continued down into the kitchen where Sirius and the Weasleys were sitting around the dining table drinking their butterbeers.
"Hey Harry, how's your summer been so far?" asked Ronald Weasley.
"Great!" replied harry trying to fake enthusiasm. "Yeah, I've had loads of fun!"
Everyone seemed to buy the lie; everyone except the small redhead who was sitting in the corner staring at Harry with narrowed eyes. Ginny Weasley knew there was something Harry was not telling them. She could easily tell. It was almost as if a wall had appeared in front of him, not letting anyone get too close. When he was angry or upset this invisible wall kept people away from him. No one wanted to be cursed by the Boy-Who-Lived after all. He managed to warn everyone away with one look. With the exception of Ginny, that is.
Ginny was often the only one who wasn't scared away by Harry's stiff posture and fiery emerald glare. Everyone still gasped in shock and surprise when she approached him when he was in one of his famous moods. They grew even more surprised when he didn't immediately hex her. She seemed to be the only exception to a lot of the rules regarding Harry. Not even Ron or Hermione could calm him down when he was in a temper, or cheer him up when he was sad. Ginny, of course, seemed unaware of her incredible abilities; she just wanted to help her friend.
In the last year, Harry and Ginny had grown slightly closer, what with Hermione and Ron being busy flirting in their highly unique way; most people wouldn't think that fighting like cats and dogs is really a good way to tell a person you like them. Ron and Hermione carried on fighting anyway.
Ginny watched Harry for a little while longer. She watched as he recounted stories from his summer with the same faked enthusiasm. She noted that a lot of his adventures seemed to take place within the confines of Grimmauld Place. It didn't sound like he had gone outside much. She also saw Harry fiddle with the left sleeve of his jacket a few times. She wondered why. She suspected of course; Ginny and Luna had both hurt themselves a few times when they were upset or hurt. Ginny dearly hoped that she was wrong in her suspicions.
A/N: Hello! Sorry I know that this was not the best ending, but I couldn't think of a better one. Please leave a review telling me what you thought. The next chapter should be up in a little less than a week. Hope that you enjoyed it! Milo.
