A/N: Lol 69
Enjoy.
Craig
Dund-thunk.
Craig caught the stupid ball that had rolled out from under Stripe's cage and threw it at the wall once more. It bounced off, hit the floor, and landed in his hand.
Dund-thunk.
Stripe let out a soft series of squeaks.
Dund-thunk.
"Don't look at me like that," Craig muttered to his guinea pig, who was at the bars of his cage, staring at the Noirette with those button-like beady eyes. "I don't need that from you right now." When Stripe just wiggled his nose, Craig sighed and tossed the ball one last time, watching as it bounced off the wall before rolling away and vanishing under his bed somewhere. Giving his clock a quick glance, Craig stared at the numbers blinking back at him. Two-thirty in the morning. "Goddamnit…"
Slowly pulling his legs up so they were tucked against his chest, Craig hunched his back and slowly caved in on himself, burying his head in his hands. He wasn't tired, no, he was so far beyond tired that the word had ceased to hold any sort of meaning to him. Part of him wished he could sleep, the rest of him knew that there was no way he'd ever manage to drift off at this point. Clenching his fists, gradually crushing the hem of his chullo, Craig grit his teeth together and fought back the heavy sensation in the back of his throat.
Everything was pretty much numb at this point. He almost wished for something to hurt, just so he could forget the horrible, smothering feeling of nothing.
It wasn't rocket science to figure out what had put him in this state. Hell, his phone was still lying on the floor where it had landed after he'd thrown it at the wall. It sounded so helplessly immature to act like that, but it hadn't exactly been a conscious decision on his part. He'd just sort of reacted. Clyde's passively aggressive message was still burned into his mind. No Craig, Tweek doesn't want to talk to you right now. He needs some time to calm down. Yeah, as if Bebe hadn't already hammered into his head that everything was fucked right now.
Even after he'd sat through Cartman's bullshit, even after he'd done his best to not be such a fuck up for an entire painful hour, even after he'd given Tweek space, just like Clyde and Bebe had insisted he do, it still wasn't enough. Tweek was still upset enough with him that he didn't want to see the Noirette, and there was fuck all that Craig could do about it. Just picturing him curled up, probably in Clyde's bed, happy because he wasn't around Craig made the tall boy feel angry and horrible all around.
Bebe had said it was jealousy, Craig just wished that now that he understood that he was subconsciously worried that Tweek would forget him that the feeling would go away forever. Stop being such an asshole Tucker, you're a piece of shit, no wonder Tweek doesn't want to have anything to do with you. He deserves friends like Clyde and Token who aren't complete fuck-ups and who can actually fix shit instead of just making things worse.
He felt like he wanted to throw up, but there wasn't anything in his stomach to expel at the moment. A soft groan escaping his lips, Craig's head turned slowly towards Stripe, who was snuffling around the bottom of his cage, probably for missed food. Taking a breath, Craig watched the furry creature and mumbled flatly, "Heh, I probably deserve this or something, don't I? I've been such a piece of shit recently, letting everything get so fucked, this is probably just… I don't know, what I deserve I guess. Token would probably have a word for it."
Raising his head, Stripe let out a squeak or two before going back to his search. Even my guinea pig probably wishes I'd just go away. Laughing, the sound feeling nothing short of strangled, Craig wished that he would start feeling tired, because at least if he got some sleep, he wouldn't have to think about this shit anymore. Though knowing his luck, he'd probably end up having a dream about it or something.
Just as he was about to slump over and lie on the floor pathetically, there was a sound that momentarily shook him out of his self-pitying state. Jerking upright, Craig lunged forward and grabbed his ringing phone and quickly silenced it before it woke his parents up. Irritated, the boy squinted at the screen only to feel a knot of suppressed anger rise up. Clyde, what the fuck does he want at two in the goddamned morning. Tempted to throw the damn thing against the wall again, Craig just denied the call and dropped it to the floor. If Clyde honestly wanted something, then he could fucking text. Craig never liked phone calls and he definitely didn't want to talk to the brunet right now. Not after everything that had happened.
As the flash of jealousy started to dissipate, Craig was left feeling sicker than before. God, Bebe would have slapped him again if she saw how pathetic he was being. He'd never been like this before, god, both Token and Clyde could have collectively decided to abandon him entirely and make the rest of the school ignore him and Craig would have probably survived better than he was now. It would have sucked, he probably would have punched both of them, but then he'd have just sucked it up and kept moving.
Right now? He felt like he was dying, which was stupid and pathetic and honestly he needed to get his shit together and act like he knew what he was fucking doing. He didn't, but that was irrelevant, right? It was just Tweek.
Hah, the biggest fucking understatement of the century.
Unexpectedly, his phone started to vibrate again. Staring at the thing, looking at Clyde's name in irritation, Craig ground his teeth together. He didn't want to fucking answer it, but if the boy was going to call twice in a row, then it had to be something important, otherwise, he would have just texted. Groaning, Craig dragged his finger across the screen, answering the call. After a moment of silence, the Noirette muttered, "The fuck do you want at Two in the fucking morning?"
"Ngh- I c-can't sleep and I think th-the underpants gnomes are here!" At the sound of that hushed screech, Craig's stomach dropped and his whole demeanor changed. Shooting up, the boy's fingers tightened around the device from which the sound of the only voice he'd really wanted to hear had come from.
In a voice that he had no shame in admitting was little more than a croak, Craig pushed out, "Tweek?" What is he doing, stealing Clyde's phone? But that question took a backseat to the fact that the boy was talking to him at all. After all the fretting and worrying and pain that he'd been going through the day before, Craig could hardly believe it but god it had been all he wanted. "What are you doing?"
"JESUS I KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVE C-CALLED IMSORRYIWONTBOTHERYOU!" At once, there was a beep as Tweek hung up on him, leaving Craig sitting there, his mouth still hanging open. Wait, what? Part of him at least made an attempt at thinking about what Bebe or Token would say about this situation, but the rest of him couldn't give less of a shit. Tweek had just fucking called him and fuck if he was going to let this slip through his hands like that.
Instantly going back into his recent calls, Craig hit Clyde's contact and waited impatiently as it rung. Though he suspected Tweek wouldn't answer if he was given the choice, Craig also knew that Clyde's ring-tone for him was a really loud and really annoying song which would probably freak the blond out and force him to pick up because chances were good he wouldn't be able to shut it off. It was mean, yes, but Tweek had called him and he wasn't about to let the blond get away with doing shit like that and not actually following through. Not when he was already an emotional wreck.
Just as he'd suspected he would, Tweek answered and yelped, "OH GOD IT'S SO LOUD WHY IS IT SO LOUD!?" Breathing out something like a laugh, Craig drew in a lungful of air and for the first time since when he'd watched Tweek leave Kupa Keep, the Noirette could actually feel his body again. "Jesus man –ghn- I d-didn't mean to call you and w-wake you up! Why did you c-call?"
"Because," Craig said flatly, unsure how else to answer that question. Because I can't sleep either. Because I can't stand to think you're upset and it's my fault. Because you're the thing that makes me happy and colors my shitty world? Shaking his head because most of those sounded kind of weird, Craig took a deep breath and said, "Are the gnomes after you right now?"
"N-no, but they're coming for Clyde's underwear and –rrr-Jesus it's my fault! I'm h-hiding in his kitchen! D-do you think he'd be upset with that? Oh god, it's really cold in here." Resisting the urge to get up and fucking walk to Clyde's house just so he could be there with Tweek, Craig allowed some of the tension and stress to release from his body.
"Dude, no one would want Clyde's underwear, I guarantee it," Craig said wisely, even though he didn't know shit about the state of his friend's clothing. I should ask if he's okay. What if he gets upset though… Shaking off those thoughts, because he didn't want to think about that right now, Craig flatly asked, "Besides, why are you in the kitchen."
"I –ghn- d-didn't want to wake up Clyde! Or what if I'd -rrr- woken someone else up!?" Tweek answered in a squeak. Of course he didn't want to wake anyone up, Craig should have figured that one out at once. The blond was always so worried about stepping on people's toes, it was unreal. Craig would never have been able to exist like that. But at the same time, he liked that about Tweek, he liked everything about the boy. Maybe it really did take fucking up to see what I was missing.
"Did you sleep?"
"Jesus, y-you know me, man. Besides, -grrr- there are too many monsters in here to sleep. Clyde has g-ghosts!" Taking a deep breath, Craig dragged himself to his feet and walked over to his window, which until then he'd been very pointedly not looking out of. Though he couldn't see Clyde's kitchen from here, he could imagine where it would be, and he could almost picture Tweek in there, curled up on the cold tile floor, his eyes wide and worried. It made something weird form in the back of his throat.
Clearing it, Craig said, even though he didn't really want to, "Clyde'll keep you safe from them." He didn't want his friend to do that, didn't want the brunet to protect Tweek for him, but the blond was over there, and Craig wasn't there, so someone would have to do it. Anything to keep Tweek's mind off of his monsters was a good thing in Craig's book. And at least he's talking to me. That's more than he was doing earlier.
Letting out one of those involuntary sounds that tended to escape him when he was nervous, Tweek mumbled, "Ghn- H-he's okay at making them go away, but he can't m-make them stay away like you can." Even as Craig's heart did a weird flip-flop and his head started to go fuzzy, Tweek continued, "I –rrr- really don't like it. I w-wish I could just come over or something."
Instantly seizing on those words, Craig said, "You can come over." He didn't want to sound desperate or anything, but he kind of was desperate and all he wanted was to see Tweek. All he wanted was for the stupid problems they'd been having to go away. Even though he knew only too well that they wouldn't he could pretend.
"Okay," Tweek said it at once, almost like he'd been worried that Craig would say no. "I'm sure he w-won't mind. B-besides, I don't think I want to be here alone with these ghosts." Though Craig knew that he'd have to text Clyde in the morning to tell him where Tweek had gone, the Noirette didn't care much at that moment. His mind had narrowed to just this matter with Tweek, just getting to the blond as quickly as possible. Heh, it sounded stupid, but then, Craig had never claimed to be smart. "Ngh, j-just let me put Clyde's phone away, then I'll walk over."
"No, I'll come and get you," Craig insisted, already shoving his feet into his boots he'd been wearing earlier and looking around for his coat as he realized that he was literally in a ratty tee-shirt and sweatpants and would probably catch a cold if he went outside like this. Ugh, I'm a mess. "I don't want you walking over in the dark alone."
"C-Craig, it's just one house over," Tweek pointed out, sounding a little confused. Realizing how stupid he sounded right now, Craig decided to just ignore all of the voices in his head telling him he was an idiot in favor of pushing open his bedroom door and creeping towards the stairs. "Y-you don't need to do that man!"
"Just put Clyde's phone away and come over," Craig said in his usual monotone, feeling the balance of the universe return to normal once more as Tweek squeaked something about pressure before hanging up. Heading for his front door, unlocking it, Craig crept out of the house and glanced down the sidewalk into the darkness that would soon contain Tweek. Not bothering to close the door behind him, the boy stuffed his hands into his pockets and walked towards the dim light of Clyde's porchlight that was sputtering in the night air.
Almost like his presence was a charm, there was a squeak as Clyde's door opened and out popped the shivering form of Tweek. Staring at the boy, who was illuminated in the dying light, Craig felt his chest get tight to the point where he was pretty sure it was about to either explode or implode. Whichever came first, he assumed. Probably drawn by some sound that the Noirette had made, Tweek jerked his head around and stared at him, his green eyes brighter than Craig had ever seen them. Maybe it was just his imagination, but he wasn't sure that he had enough imagination to think of something like this. There just weren't words in his vocabulary to describe it.
"Craig!" Tweek's voice came out as a hushed screech. Forgetting for a moment he was supposed to breathe, the Noirette suddenly had to drag in a lungful of air before he passed out or something. Lurching back into action, Craig quickly walked towards Tweek, hardly caring about the snow that he was treading through or how stupid he looked or any of it. It had all sort of slipped his mind at this point.
"Ngh- Jesus, y-you weren't supposed to come outside!" Tweek still had his war paint streaked across his face, he was wearing Clyde's clothing and his whole body was shivering and shaking, but Craig just thought he looked just as amazing as he always did. He was Tweek Tweak, and he was supposed to look like a mess, Craig liked him that way. Clearly freaking out because of Craig's continued silence, Tweek shoved Clyde's door closed behind him before twitching and stumbling down the brunet's front steps.
Seeing the fall before it happened, Craig lunged forward and caught the blond, keeping him from face planting on the pavement. Wrapping a protective arm around Tweek, feeling his own mess of a mind calm down at the sensation of those familiar twitches traveling through his body, Craig just sort of pulled the blond closer, unsure what else to do. Face suddenly very close to Tweek's and his mind too full of emotions he didn't have a name for, Craig said the first thing that came to his tongue. "Careful."
And like that, the spell around them broke. With a whimper, Tweek abruptly wrapped his arms around Craig's neck and held on tight enough that Craig wondered if the boy was trying to choke him. Twitching horribly, his whole body convulsing with the involuntary movements, the blond softly pushed out, "Jesus Craig, I'm s-sorry! For everything!"
Fiercely, though his voice didn't change in saying it, Craig muttered back, "Fuck that Tweek, you didn't do anything wrong. I'm the one who fucked up." Without even really thinking it through, mostly because Tweek had his arms around his neck and Craig still had an arm around the boy's back, the Noirette decidedly scooped Tweek up, cradling in his arms. Though Tweek let out a squeak of fear and no doubt panic, Craig just held him tighter and softly said, "Whatever I did, I'm sorry, alright? I'm sorry for it all."
Allowing himself to be carried by the taller boy, Tweek just buried his face in Craig's neck and mumbled, "Y-you didn't do anything, I just… I –ngh- overreacted." Knowing that there was a whole lot more to it than that but unwilling to poke at such a sensitive topic, Craig simply walked back towards his house, content to finally have Tweek back where he belonged. So what if that made him jealous, Tweek was Tweek. If that made everything else different, why couldn't it apply to something like this too?
"I'm still sorry," Craig told Tweek, feeling the boy twitch at the words. Nudging his front door open with his foot before slipping inside to the thankfully warmer inside, Craig took a moment to push the door closed before walking towards his stairs, still not ready to put Tweek down. It was probably alright though since Tweek hadn't exactly loosened his hold on the Noirette's neck. The question about what had been wrong in the first place was still burning in the back of his throat, but he didn't ask it yet. He wasn't sure if it would freak Tweek out, and he wasn't sure if he wanted to when they weren't in his room.
"I'm s-sorry for running away, I- I just needed to –rrr- calm down and stuff," Tweek managed, his shaking increasing before steadily lessening. "B-besides, you had other things to worry about, y-you didn't- Jesus! You didn't need to deal with me!" Frowning at Tweek's words, Craig pulled the boy as close to himself as he could, wishing he could communicate without words how wrong the blond was for thinking that.
In the end though, he had to say something, so he awkwardly muttered, "You aren't a bother. Ever." Drawing in a deep breath, Craig edged his bedroom door open before walking into the room. Once he'd closed the door, he stood there for a moment, unsure what he was supposed to do. At last, Tweek took matters into his own hands and struggled free of Craig, all but tumbling to the floor.
Stumbling backward, his hair waving with his movements, Tweek instantly wrapped his arms around his torso before squeaking, "I still s-screwed it up, and I'm sorry. It w-won't happen again."
Staring at the boy, Craig softly said, "Tweek, what made you upset earlier?"
Looking up at him with big eyes that were full of an unnamable emotion, Tweek twitched violently before jerking his head around as if he were looking for something. Scrambling to a different corner of Craig's room, the blond dug up the pair of pajama bottoms he'd worn the night before and sat down on the floor so he could struggle out of the pants he was still wearing from playing the game earlier. Though Craig wanted to push for an answer, he just watched, knowing that Tweek would talk when he was ready.
True to form, as he struggled into the bottoms, Tweek pushed out, "Ghn- A lot of things, I g-guess. It's really stupid and –rrr- I shouldn't have b-broken down like I did, but I don't know…" Shaking his head, Tweek curled up there on Craig's floor where he twitched and itched at his arms. Looking up at Craig at last, the boy said, "I- I guess I just don't handle change well."
When Craig only stared at him, Tweek's fingers instantly jumped for his hair and he whimpered, "Jesus, I s-sound so stupid right now!" Obviously distressed about it, the boy kept yanking on his golden locks as he continued, "B-but things don't usually change for me, Craig! You and Bebe –ngh- dating and st-stuff, that's a lot of change." Swallowing hard, the boy looked around the floor as he mumbled, "I never had friends before, s-so nothing changed. But now, I have friends. And those friends change. God, it's s-so much pressure!"
"No one likes change," Craig said softly, kicking off his boots so he could walk over to where Tweek was sitting. Crouching before the boy, feeling a weight fall in his stomach as what Tweek was saying hit him, Craig struggled to keep his face calm as he reached out and gently ruffled Tweek's hair. As though it was a switch, Tweek's body relaxed and his hands fell out of his hair so he could lean into Craig's touch. "I hate change."
"B-but at least you know things change," Tweek mumbled, his eyes growing heavy, even though he'd gone back to itching at the clothing he was in. "I guess I –ngh- never realized things could change so much until now." Looking up at Craig, displacing the hand the taller boy had in his hair, Tweek earnestly said, "I'm trying! But Jesus, I'm r-really fucked up, and I g-guess it's harder for me." He sounded so guilty, Craig couldn't even begin to stop himself from moving forward and crushing Tweek in a hug.
"You're the good kind of fucked up," Craig said firmly, wishing he could inject more emotion into his words. "No one likes change, fuck, Tweek, I hate change so much I named my guinea pig the same name as my last one and I promise you I'll name the next one after that Stripe as well." Unsure where the words were coming from, but unable to make them stop, Craig continued, "You're the only good change in my life, but I don't think I could handle things changing back to how they used to be."
Slowly, twitchily, Tweek's arms reached up and curled up around Craig's back, hugging the Noirette back. "I w-won't change if you don't," he whispered, his voice faint, almost like he wasn't sure about the words but had to say them anyway. "I just want you to be my friend man, m-maybe that makes me selfish, b-but I've never been a good person like Clyde, or –rrr- a nice person like Bebe, s-so I guess if I'm selfish then I don't care."
"Keep being selfish," Craig told Tweek, pulling back so he could look the blond over. "Because then I won't feel so shitty about being selfish as well."
Smiling, Tweek's green eyes glowed with that sad, yet hopeful light that Craig had come to know him by. "Fucked up together," he reminded the taller boy.
"Forever," Craig agreed, nodding once.
Face stretching into a grin, Tweek giggled once before letting out a sound of frustration and pulling at the sweater that he was wearing. "Jesus, d-don't tell him I said it, b-but I don't like Clyde's clothing! I feel like there are ants crawling all over me!" Chuckling, Craig scooted backward over the floor and grabbed for a red racer tee-shirt that he'd worn once and then tossed into a corner.
"Don't worry dude, I'm not going to tell him," Craig assured the boy, helping him as he attempted to disentangle himself from Clyde's sweater, which was an atrocity just in its own right. Pulling the thing off of Tweek's head, Craig handed the boy the shirt before getting up and walking over to the lights.
As he flipped the switch, Tweek gave a squeak and said, "I like your clothes better." Though it probably shouldn't have, the words made something in Craig purr with contentment, finally settling all of those monsters that had risen up when he'd seen Clyde and Tweek together earlier.
Walking over to Tweek, Craig pulled the boy to his feet and said, "Yeah, Clyde's tastes suck." Softly tugging Tweek towards his bed, which was finally starting to look appealing, Craig felt himself settle down as Tweek dove under the covers with a twitch before letting him slide in as well. Under his stars, with Tweek at his side, Craig finally felt at rest.
Curling up against him, his head nestling into the spot under Craig's chin, Tweek let out a breath before shivering and asking, "Y-you promise you won't leave me or something?"
Wrapping his arm around Tweek, pulling him close, Craig closed his eyes and quietly responded, "I promise Tweek. I promise."
And he fucking meant it.
