Clyde
[You didn't have to flip her off, she's the Principal Craig.]
[yes I did have to flip her off, she was fucking annoying]
[I still think it was weird you got dressed in your costume, you're in detention till like 5 dude]
[you never know]
Rolling his eyes at his friend, Clyde snorted under his breath, shaking his head as he did so. The chances that Craig was actually going to be needed, let alone needed badly enough to be broken out of detention, was slim. Ever since they'd gotten the stick back from the Elves, things had been quiet.
Well, actually, if Clyde was honest with himself, quiet was a pretty debatable term. Sure, things in game had been calm, but the rest of Clyde's life felt like it was anything but. Currently, he was feeling more than a little stressed, which wasn't going well. The whole game had gotten pretty dull over time, especially over the past month, and now, well, two of his closest friends weren't even talking, which was making it all so much worse.
He still didn't know what was going on between Tweek and Craig. It was obvious that Tweek was upset, Clyde didn't blame him, Craig had pretty much replaced him with Bebe, but at the same time, he didn't know when it had all gotten so bad. One moment, they'd been fine, the next, neither of them wanted to be anywhere near each other. It gave him a headache, and Token's pearls of wisdom had only done so much good.
But that was only the most recent thing stressing him out. Past that, the whole situation with Craig dating Bebe had sucked some serious ass. Running his hands through his hair, just at the thought, Clyde muttered under his breath in annoyance before pushing a smile back onto his face. He was pretty much over it by now, but it still stung. Bebe was the first girl he'd honestly had a crush on, and then Craig had started dating her and kept dating her. If he was being honest, he was totally jealous, but he was trying to not let it get to him.
Token had said several times that it was all part of a bigger plan. If this really was a plan, then Clyde wasn't seeing the end goal, but then, when did he ever.
Oh well, it wasn't like it mattered now. All he had to think about now was getting to Kupa Keep so Cartman could give him yet another bullshit task and he could go about it without having to think about the rest of his life. Besides, he'd been promoted to chief armorer in the wake of getting back the stick. That was a plus, right?
He was still remembering that fight, going in with Tweek and dominating the battle, just like the Battle of Stark's Pond. Craig hadn't been there, but strangely enough, Tweek hadn't been looking for him. Whatever happened between them, I must have missed it. Sometimes, he wished he'd made friends with some more normal people so he'd just be able to ask them what was wrong, but then he thought about how awesome Tweek and Craig were, and he decided that the trade-offs were worth it.
All he hoped was that they could resolve their problems soon. He didn't like it when either of them were upset. Though he hadn't know Tweek as long, he'd known Craig for pretty much all of his life. He'd been there when Craig had gotten beaten black and blue by his own dad, he'd been there when the boy's first guinea pig had died, he knew what it looked like when the Noirette was upset. It wasn't easily noticeable, but Clyde could see it easily at this point. Maybe he wasn't as careful about it as Token was, but he certainly did want things to get better.
As for Tweek, well, the blond spaz wore his emotions on his sleeve.
Turning into Kupa Keep, Clyde shook his head and found a real smile crawling up over his face. What a shame that both Tweek and Token weren't going to be there today. He loved getting to see them. Though, knowing him, he'd end up at Token's house at some time later that day, just to hang out. Contact with other people was just something he thrived off of. Sure, things were kind of bad right now, but they'd get better. Stuff always got better. He knew from experience that the only thing keeping you from living life with a smile on your face was yourself, so even if he had to cheer up both Tweek and Craig and get them to make up and put up with Bebe hanging out with them and sitting next to Craig like the good girlfriend she was, then he'd do it, just so his friends would all be happy.
"Heya Clyde!" Looking up, Clyde smiled at Butters, who was dressed in his usual Paladin blues, his rounded face split into a smile. "D'y'know if we're doin' anthing today? Cause, I asked th'Grand Wizard, an'he couldn't think of nothin'!"
Shrugging easily, Clyde said, "Your guess is as good as mine here. I suppose we'll do whatever he asks, you know?" Looking about the mostly empty yard, Clyde decided that most everyone was probably on patrol and nodded. It made sense, Cartman didn't really care what most people did. If you weren't explicitly important, he just sort of ignored you. Though Clyde didn't like it, he put up with it.
After all, there was a price to be paid with playing such an awesome game.
"You could always do things with me, Butterfly," Kenny cooed, swinging in from behind them so he could throw and arm around Butters' shoulders, which made the boy turn bright pink and start sputtering. "I'm sure we could have just the bestest of times together! Just the two of us, alone." Rolling his eyes and Kenny's obvious attempts to fluster Butters, which happened to work perfectly, Clyde waved it off.
"We should probably be alert, the Elves might attack." It felt like one of those scripted answers at this point. Though Clyde didn't like to admit it, the game had lost a lot of its shine. It used to be he was excited every day to see what new drama the fantasy world would create, but at this point, things were starting to look the same. Heck, the same would probably be more interesting than this, it was like everyone's enthusiasm was petering out. Though the fight with the Elves had been successful, after declaring the school a game-free zone, other kids had started talking to their friends again and it was almost like the real world now had a hold, slowly drawing them away from the alure the pretend one they'd created had held.
Or maybe Clyde was reading too much into it. Really, he should let Token think about things like that. After all, the boy had a propensity for making terrifyingly accurate predictions about other people's actions.
Pulling a pout, Kenny said, "Aww, you're no fun Clyde. This is why no one wants to play with you." The way he said it, with a gleam in his eyes, it pushed Clyde's mouth down into a momentary frown, but he wiped it away a moment later.
Laughing instead, as if Kenny's words had been a joke, Clyde walked away from the two, leaving them to do whatever it was they were doing. He could banter with them later if he so desired. For now, he had one task, organize the armory. Maybe it was monotonous, but he sort of like it. It was a whole lot less insane than some of the other things Cartman had asked him to do in his time there. And it took his mind off the rest of the game, which was a good thing.
Probably, the fact that he needed to distract himself from the game he was playing was a sign that something was amiss.
But okay, even though it wasn't quite normal, Craig and Token and Tweek were all playing and he wasn't going to just leave. As long as they were playing, then Clyde figured he would as well. There wasn't exactly another option in his mind.
So he just took up residence beside his weapons and started organizing them, picturing them as real axes and swords and bows instead of just fake ones that they'd created for the game. Thinking of Tweek's frying pan, Clyde grinned from ear to ear. The little blond boy was stronger than most anyone in the army, and unlike most people, his weapon actually dealt damage in real life. One thing was for sure, Clyde would have preferred to take on Kyle and Stan together rather than fight Tweek. He would rather keep his face intact, if it was all the same to everyone else.
As he wiped a rag over one of his wooden swords, picturing instead that he was holding a real one and he was actually polishing it instead of just pretending, Clyde let his mind wander. Usually, he would be trying to find someone, anyone to talk to, but right now, he was fine being alone. He was doing that more and more, drawing away and secluding himself from other people. It sounded horrible when he put it like that, but he was worried that if he talked too much, he'd let something slip about how tired of this whole game he'd truly become. Then Cartman would kick him out, and he'd be alone.
The thought alone made him irritated.
As if thinking of the boy had summoned him, Cartman walked by at that moment, munching from a bag of chips. The sound of the boy's lips smacking made Clyde's eyebrow ticked, but he still smiled, because why wouldn't he? "It's very peaceful, isn't it Clyde," Cartman commented, looking over him, presumably at the Elven fort. "Being in charge of the universe does come with it's perks. Of course, power like this shouldn't be abused, but it still feels pretty nice, doesn't it Clyde."
"Well, it's nice not losing all the time," Clyde agreed, putting down the sword in favor of one of the misshapen stop-signs that served as a battle ax. He wanted to say any number of other things, but he held his tongue. Cartman, of all people, didn't need to know how sick of everything he was getting. It's fine, it's just a game, I'm being silly.Though he did wonder if Craig was feeling the same way, considering he hadn't played in a couple days. Which makes him getting dressed up today even weirder. Whatever, he's weird, I guess.
Sticking another chip in his mouth, Cartman said, "Yes, it is nice winning. Thank you for that Clyde, you've done a wonderful job." Coming from Cartman, it sounded hollow. Clyde much prefered Tweek's shriek of JESUS YOU'RE SO COOL! Or Bebe's soft you're one of the best players in the game. The boy in front of him, for all his wizard's robes and his pompous attitude, was just an asshole. He decided to prove this, but following up his comment with, "You're nothing like Kyle. Kyle is a dirty Jew rat Elf. We're so totally going to beat them, we're way cooler."
Keeping himself from rolling his eyes, Clyde kept his face in a fairly neutral expression as he stared at the ax he had in his hands. Were the Humans really cooler than the Elves? Did it even matter anymore? What am I thinking, I sound like I don't want to play. So instead he just agreed with Cartman. "Obviously, we're way better than the Drow Elves! That's why we're winning, because we're awesome!" And because of Token, and because of Tweek and Craig, and because of Kenny… Certainly not because of Cartman because the boy had done literally nothing but screw things up since the beginning.
"Well, anything that's being run by a Jew is evil, and therefore-" Whatever Cartman had been about to say was suddenly cut off, as the boy who was standing guard in the watchtower suddenly yelled, "ALARM ALARM ALARM!"
Hand jumping for his sword on instinct, Clyde looked around, trying to figure out was going on. Stashing away his bag of chips for later, Cartman quickly called out, "Someone sounded the alarm!" like it wasn't already apparent
"What is it?" Clyde asked quickly, looking to Butters, who was racing for them, his hand already on his hammer.
"THE ELVES ARE ATTACKING!" Butters exclaimed, his arms flailing. "THE GUARD SAW THEM COMING!"
"Oh my god!" Cartman exclaimed, as if this were somehow actually a big deal. "Defensive positions!" As what humans were there in the camp quickly rushed to arms, Clyde moved around Cartman so he could get a better view of what was going on. Standing there, just outside the technical boundaries, were a group of Elves, lead by Chris Donnelly. "Stop them!" Cartman exclaimed, waving at the Humans who he could see. "Don't let them through!" Though it wasn't a large force, Clyde suddenly realized that they were significantly disadvantaged, considering how many people were out on watch. Shit. Well, that didn't last long.
Throwing his head back, Chris yelled, "Give us the Stick, Humans!" As if that would get him the Stick. Though Clyde had to say, it was probably worth a shot.
"Fuck you Drow Elf!" Cartman yelled in return, his hand tightening around his staff. "Come and get it!" Glaring at the Elves as well, Clyde tried to put as much energy as he could into looking tough. At least this wasn't monotinous, though he felt like it wasn't all that much better.
As Chris and his Elves started advancing, Cartman turned to Clyde and said, "Clyde, defend the Stick of Truth while we defend the fortress!" Well, I guess someone has to do it.
Nodding stoutly, Clyde clenched his fist and said, "Aye aye!" before hurring off towards the castle.
From behind him, he heard Cartman yell after him, "Aye aye? We're not playing pirates Clyde." Whatever, it doesn't matter. It was just Cartman blowing hot air, Clyde could ignore him. Swinging into the main tent, Clyde stood in front of the stick with his sword drawn, prepared for any Drow Elves that might come for it. Sure, it wasn't as much action as he'd been hoping for, but it was something. And besides, he was level ten, it wasn't like anything was getting through him.
But it sort of sucked, hearing everyone fighting out there and being stuck inside. Sometimes, though he hated to admit it, he felt like that had become the game for him. Cartman throwing other people onto the front lines, trying to make their life hard, while leaving someone like him who actually wanted to play to just do the menial tasks. He supposed he shouldn't be complaining, but it sucked to see Craig, someone he'd brought to the game in the first place, surpass him in levels and in importance. It was little things like this that were making the game just… irritating. Another thing that made him feel like he was going crazy.
Shifting on his feet restlessly, Clyde watched through the tent flat what was going on outside of the castle. As he watched, Butters went sprawling on the ground, only for Kenny to step forward and hit the Elf over the head with his hand mirror. Gritting his teeth, keeping himself from running out and just joining, Clyde tried to hold his head high as he listened to Cartman casting a spell of some sort and several insults being hurled at him in return. Even after everything, I still get relegated to babysitting a stick. This fucking blows, man.
"W-w-well well, if it isn't the f-f-f- the fear- The fearsome Clyde Donovan."
Spinning quickly at the familiar voice, Clyde lowered his sword slightly at the sight of Jimmy, only to quickly raise it again, remembering that the boy was technically an Elf now.Stupid game, making me fight my friends. Pushing aside his gripes with the game, Clyde put on his best tough face and snarled, "What do you want, Drow Elf."
"Do you think I w-w-w- Want to fight you?" Jimmy asked, moving into the tent, around the pillar holding the Stick of Truth. His bardic instrument was strapped over his back, which definitely made it look like he didn't want to fight, but Clyde still kept his sword drawn. To be honest, he didn't want to fight Jimmy, but at the same time, he wasn't just going to let an Elf have the Stick, that would be stupid.
"C'mon," Clyde said, frowning and tapping his sword against the ground. "That's the game, right? You're gonna take the Stick and it's my job to stop you." It sounded so stupid, why did everything in the game sound stupid now? Probably because everything had become so unbelievably petty. "I've got to fight you, alright?"
"That's a decision you're m-m-making," Jimmy pointed out, shrugging. "In my p-personal opinion, you don't have to d-d-d-d- You d-don't- You have no obligations to Cartman to do anything." Giving Clyde a grin, the boy said, "Besides, we're friends Clyde, from b-before the war."
"Dude, not cool, don't play that shit with me," Clyde whined, hating that Jimmy was so good at convincing people of things. "It's not like I want to or anything. No one made you join the Elves, I know I asked you several times to side with us instead. You did have a choice." Even as he said it, his arm went limp and he just let his sword hang there, unable to really bring himself to fight the boy when he didn't even have his own weapon drawn.
"I joined the Elves because your leader is a m-m-massive d-dick," Jimmy said, as if this point was self-evident. "I didn't see any other op-p-p- Any other options." Clyde knew it was true, Cartman hadn't exactly been kind to Jimmy or his ragtag bunch of mercenaries. Kyle, on the other hand, had been accepting everyone with open arms. Was it any wonder that Jimmy had picked the Elves over the Humans?
"Jimmy, I can't just hand you the Stick," Clyde said at last, exasperated, mostly at himself. "I was told to defend it, I have to do that or I'll piss off the Grand Wizard or something." Feeling drained, emotionally, mentally and physically, Clyde lifted his sword again, but it was a half-hearted attempt. It was just everything, all of the things that had been piling on pretty much since the game had started, he was slowly being crushed under their weight. They were what made his sword arm sag, his stance to weaken, leaving his attempts at doing any protecting mostly nullified.
"Why wouldn't you w-w-want to piss off C-Cartman?" Jimmy asked suddenly, an eyebrow raising, even as he continued to grin easily. "He's a j-j-jaaa- He's a totally jaaack- He's a bastard." Gesturing at Clyde's sword, the boy continued, "You don't want to fight, so why would you? That seems a little c-c-contradictory, if you ask me."
Unsure why he was even tolerating the conversation, Clyde groaned and said, "Dude, I wish I could wipe that smug look off of his face, but I can't just let you have the Stick. There are a lot of other Humans other than just Cartman, sure he's an asshole, but I'd be hurting everyone else if I failed." Even as he spoke, he found himself doubting his own words. Sure, some of the humans were alright, but currently he was upset with Craig and frustrated with Kenny and most of the other kids were just the typical brand of fourth-grade asshole that was common to South Park, but that didn't mean that people like Tweek or Token deserved to suffer for it.
"But wouldn't it feel good to g-g-g-get a bit of revenge?" Jimmy prodded, tilting his head slightly, expectantly. "If you're so tired of him, then get back at him in a way that he'll actually c-c-care about." Though he shouldn't have even been considering it, Clyde found the idea tempting. Suddenly a savage desire to make Cartman pay for everything ripped through him, and he found himself putting away his sword entirely, his face hardening.
Despite the anger in his blood, Clyde still said, "But what if I'm dooming the Humans?"
"D-don't worry, I'm sure you'll get the Stick back s-s-s-soon, knowing how good some of your Humans are at sneaking around." Reaching up and taking the Stick, stowing it beneath his cloak, Jimmy said, "This is only t-t-temporary. The Elves have to keep resisting Cartman in some small w-w-way." Watching the boy do it, Clyde felt a little bit more of his resolve strengthen.
"You're still a dick," Clyde told Jimmy plainly, even as the sounds of fighting outside seemed to get more intermittent, as if it was almost over. "But you're right, I do want to piss off Cartman."
"Exactly," Jimmy said, giving Clyde a wide grin. "N-now if you'll excuse me, I have an inn to get to." With those words, the boy hobbled out of the tent, leaving Clyde standing there, that fire of defiance still kindled in his stomach. Though he knew it was stupid, just letting the Elves have the stick, he felt like he was justified. Maybe next time, Cartman would put him on the front lines so he could actually fight for once. Fuck Cartman, he was a dick anyway.
As the sounds of Chris Donnelly yelling, "Drow Elves, fall back! Fall back I say!" met his ears, Clyde realized that he'd have to tell Cartman now that the Stick was gone. Suddenly, he was hit with the understanding that despite this task, he still didn't give a shit. Things were too far gone for him to care anymore. I wonder if this is what Craig feels like most of the time…
"YES AWESOME! Take that you asshole Elves!" Straightening his shoulders, Clyde walked out of the castle, listening as Cartman continued to yell after the retreating force. "Better luck next time! Na na na naaaa na! WE still control the Stick! Ha ha ha haaaa ha!" Walking over to him, Clyde waited with a blank face for the boy to stop making an idiot of himself. Jesus, I can't believe I'm listening to this guy? Have I really spent the last four months of my life following his instructions?
Suddenly Clyde wondered if someone was reading his mind because he felt a chill run down his spine. From the corner of his eye, he could feel Kenny smirking, but he ignored it in favor of finally interjecting himself into the conversation. Stepping closer, attempting to put on a somber expression, Clyde clearly said, "It's gone."
And fuck if the look on Cartman's face wasn't worth all of it. Suddenly Clyde didn't give a shit that it had taken the Humans ages to get the Stick and keep it, he would have thrown it all away again just for that look on Cartman's face. One of pure, unadulterated, frozen joy. Stopping in his cheering, Cartman bluntly said, "What?" like he couldn't understand what Clyde had said.
Still keeping his sorry expression, even though he felt like laughing for the first time in weeks, Clyde carefully said, "The Stick of Truth. The Elves got it." And I let them have it, because I'm sick of you and your bullshit. Oh he wouldn't say it out loud, but he was going to think it for all he was worth. This was the first time he'd actually felt happy about this game in forever, and he wasn't about to let it go. Besides, the quickly morphing horror on Cartman's face made it all so much better. Sure the other Humans were staring at him like he was a horrible person, but Clyde didn't care. It was so nice, not caring. Why hadn't he tried it earlier?
Shock quickly morphing into anger, Cartman suddenly got in his face, his fists clenched and his eyes furious. "THAT WAS YOUR ONE GODDAMNED JOB, CLYDE!" The boy shouted, his face a mask of fury. Clyde leaned back slightly from the boy, trying not to get hit too powerfully with his breath, which was a horrible mix of cheetos and some chip or another. "TO GUARD THE STICK OF FUCKING TRUTH!"
Employing Craig's tried and true method of not reacting, Clyde just stared at at the boy, allowing him to stew. It was satisfying to watch, the absolute anger on his face made it so much better. Finally, Cartman turned away, jerking his head around as he looked at the ground, as if trying to figure out what to do. Clyde half expected Kenny to jump in and calm him down, but the Princess seemed very content to just watch, a grin slowly covering his face.
Maybe that should have been his first indication that something was amiss.
"Clyde…" Cartman started, drawing a deep breath as if he was about to shout again. "You are hereby banished from space and time!"
For a moment, Clyde just stared at Cartman, unable to fully comprehend his words. What…? As his smugness crumpled, Clyde furrowed his brows in anger and exclaimed, "What? NO!" Looking from Cartman to Kenny, who was bent over in silent laughter, to Butters, who looked genuinely upset, to the rest of the Humans, who were all glaring at him, Clyde felt something in him erode away completely, one of the ties that had been holding him back snapping like so much frayed rope. "You can't do that!" he protested, his hands clenched into fists at his sides.
"Yeah, I can!" Cartman told him, waving his staff at him like he wanted to hit him but didn't think he could get away with it. "You're banished and lost in space and time!" But that means I can't play the game anymore! Something else in him broke, severing him from his patience that much more.
"Yeah, go home Clyde!" Butters insisted, his usually kind face screwed up into a glare.
Looking at the rest of the Humans, waiting for someone, anyone, to say something, Clyde just sort of snapped. After everything he'd been through, after everything he'd done for this stupid game, after everything he'd given up, the very moment he tried to take some sort of justice for himself, he'd been thrown away like so much waste. Swaying on his feet for a second, Clyde pressed his lips together before spinning on his heels, storming towards Cartman's gate.
Fine then. I'm done with this bullshit.
The moment he was in the front of Cartman's house, Clyde gritted his teeth and broke into a run. The further away from Kupa Keep he got, the more his anger at all of this injustice started to rise up. He was sick to death of pretending to be happy and letting the other boys run over him! He was sick to death of letting Cartman do what he wanted.
But it was more than that! As all of the mental blocks he'd put in place to keep himself from getting too angry about any one thing crumbled away, Craig found other things bubbling to his mind, making the malicious anger in the pit of his stomach grow. Because it wasn't just Cartman, it was everything! He was sick to death of bad things happening to him or his friends and people trying to pass it off as all part of a bigger plan! He was sick of alliances and the people who pretended to give a shit about them. Hell, he never wanted to think about making another deal that ended in him getting trampled.
As he raced towards his house, towards his own castle, Clyde felt his ire grip his heart and squeeze it painfully. I'm sick of this! I'm not going to put up with this any longer! I'm mad as hell, and I'm not going to take it anymore! He was tired of Token telling him that everything was going to turn out fine because the boy had been saying that for the past month and a half and so far, nothing had gotten better. He was pissed at Craig for stealing Bebe when he didn't even want to date the girl, and speaking of Craig, he wanted nothing more than to scream at him for the shit that he'd been putting Clyde, himself, and Tweek through. It's all just bullshit!
Racing for his own fortress, which was fucking awesome compared to the other castles, screw anyone who said otherwise, Clyde started scaling, trying to escape his anger but only feeling it grow to be an all consuming force the higher he went. If he had to deal with any more politics or annoying people, he was going to scream. They'd started this game so they could have fun, not so they could make each other miserable! He didn't want to play a game where they only hurt each other, if that's how it was going to go then fuck them. He'd start his own faction! One that was better than the other factions because it was actually a fun thing to be a part of, a faction that would let him and whoever else was part of it get back at Cartman and Kyle and all of the other assholes that had made everything hell for the past four months.
While his various levels passed by, as he raised the gate and raced towards his throne room, Clyde felt everything bubbling in his chest start rising up his throat, needing to get out. It wasn't fair that he had to be happy when everything was so shitty. It wasn't fair that everyone else had gotten their chance to shine and had been given it, but he'd had to break formation and take the glory for himself and even then he wasn't noticed. All he'd wanted was to have fun! Now he'd been thrown out of the Human faction for bullshit reasons and banished from space and time to boot. Well guess what? He didn't care! He was done caring!
Bursting out onto his throne room floor, Clyde shed his helmet and cape so he could run towards the balcony that faced the other two castles. Gripping the railing, Clyde leaned out over the steep drop and yelled at the top of his lungs, "FUCK THE HUMANS!" With a growl, the boy shook his head and added, "AND FUCK THE ELVES TOO! FUCK CARTMAN AND KYLE AND THEIR STUPID FEUD AND THEIR STUPID RULES!"
Drawing his sword, Clyde raised it and thrust it at the sky as he hollered, "WELL I'M DONE PLAYING BY THEIR RULES. THEY FUCKED WITH MY FRIENDS, THEY TOOK AWAY MY CHANCES OF DATING THE GIRL I LIKED, AND THEY FUCKED WITH ME! FUCK THEM AND ALL THEIR BULLSHIT!"
Throwing his head around, Clyde let his eyes land on the spiky chandelier he hadn't hung up yet. Storming over to it, he wrenched free the top circle of spikes from their weak brackets. Shoving the thing on his head, Clyde stormed back over to the railing and screamed at the top of his lungs, "I'M MAD AS HELL AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE. I'M GOING TO START MY OWN FACTION, AND I'M GOING TO DESTROY BOTH OF YOUR FACTIONS, EVEN IF I HAVE TO DO IT ON MY OWN!"
Fuck anyone who told him otherwise.
