Craig
"Craig I am trying to help you, m'kay? All I'm asking for is a little respect!"
"Stay out of my fucking business. And stay out of Tweek's while your at it."
"If you don't stop, I will send you to the Principal's, you hear me?"
"Fucking send me then, I'll say the same thing to her."
Admittedly, probably not the best way to handle that situation. Though, if he was being honest with himself, Craig didn't see how three hours of detention for flipping the Principal off was that big of a deal. It wasn't his fault that Mr. Mackey deciding to pry into what was going on between him and Tweek pissed him off, the man should haveknown that shit like that would make him upset. And yet he'd still asked, like he had the right. Like he knew anything.
Craig bit down on the pencil between his fingers, rolling the object between his teeth. It was a bad habit to get into, but he wasn't about to stop. Besides, it wasn't like there was anyone in here to tell him to stop. It was just him, the particulates in the air, and the ticking clock in this empty classroom that was somewhere at the back of the school building. He probably wasn't even supposed to be here, but he hadn't been able to bring himself to sit in the cafeteria when he was so worked up, and he hadn't really wanted to stare at Tweek for another hour, not when he spent most of class doing that anyway.
Sighing softly, leaning his head against the wall, Craig took a deep breath and caught the faint smell of cigarette smoke, probably a result of the goths who spent their time in the back of the school. Glancing up, Craig noted the open window and considered closing it before shrugging the idea off. It wasn't that big a deal, he actually kind of liked that rough, thick, spicy smell that was burning tobacco and nicotine. Most kids hated it, but Craig wasn't most kids.
It was too early for him to be this tired. Craig's whole body felt a little too heavy right now, probably because he was dragging around all the bullshit he'd just had to endure from both Principal Victoria and Mr. Mackey. It had all started because Tweek had experienced a bad panic attack the day before, and Craig hadn't done anything to stop it, mostly because he knew that Tweek would hate him for trying. Even just thinking it made Craig see how stupid the whole thing was, but he knew how lazy the adults in this school were, so honestly, it didn't surprise him. They'd been happy to have a convenient means of Calming Tweek down in Craig, and once that convenience was no longer there, they'd wondered what was up.
At least, that's what Craig thought. Whatever their reasoning for asking into what was going on between Tweek and he, Craig had gotten angry a whole lot faster than he should have. The topic was still fresh in his mind after all, the mess he'd gotten himself into was a constant nagging voice in the back of his head that left him feeling sort of like shit. Actually, that was an understatement, but he'd already gotten pretty good at forcing himself to think ahead to what he was going to do about getting Tweek back as his friend, so Craig wasn't spending every moment on the verge of a crisis over the whole thing. Even so, it hadn't taken much prodding before he'd lost his shit.
And sure his version of losing his shit involved flipping off everything and anything that so much as looked at him, but Mr. Mackey hadn't taken that very well, and neither had Principal Victoria. So now he had detention, and he'd sort of earned it.
On the flip side though, it wasn't like anything was getting better with him and Tweek, so he wasn't sure what he'd have done after school anyway. Not play the fantasy game, that was for sure. No, he wasn't going to touch that shit with a sixty foot poll until he had some sort of idea what the fuck he was doing. There wasn't any use in it, not when Tweek hated him. Kenny had said the game would be over in five days and told Craig that he'd be able to get Tweek back, but so far, Craig wasn't seeing it.
Maybe that was his fault though, him and his cowardice. Two days had passed since Tweek had given Craig the ultimatum, and in those two days, Craig hadn't said a word to the boy. Oh sure, he'd stared at Tweek, almost as much as he had back in those days when Tweek and he didn't know each other, but he hadn't worked up the guts to approach him. Instead, he'd just watched Tweek's quick and painful regression into all of his old bad habits without saying or doing a thing. It was sort of pathetic, but on the flip side, it wasn't as if he'd made any progress in terms of fixing any of the things that had been screwing up their friendship in the first place, so did he really have any room to talk to Tweek yet?
Fuck, this sucks, I just want to talk to him, why is that so hard? Why did things have to get so fucked…
"Ngh- Jesus, I d-don't know why! Why are you asking me!?"
Head snapping up, his heart rate kicking up to a million miles per minute in seconds, Craig looked around for the source of that voice, seemingly answering his thoughts.Tweek? Except there was no one in the room, and he hadn't even said that out loud, so why was the boy even answering? Trying to figure out where the hell the voice had come from, Craig straightened in the seat he'd been slumped in and looked over the dim classroom, struggling to figure out what was happening. Where was his voice coming from? What the hell-
"But that doesn't make any sense! N-nothing makes sense anymore, oh god, I hate it!" Looking up, Craig's eyes saw the open window several seconds before he fully registered what was going on. He's… Outside, isn't he? Crouching on the chair, Craig carefully poked his head over the sill of the high window, looking for the person he already knew was there.
Tweek was crouched against the wall opposite the back of the school. For a moment, Craig forgot what he'd been doing as his frantically pounding heart lodged in his throat and his fingers tightened painfully around the edge of the window sill. The boy was shaking, hard enough that his teeth were knocking together. His legs were drawn up to his chest and his thermos was lying forgotten beside him while he yanked at his hair, his green eyes wide and staring, though not at Craig. No, the boy's eyes were fixed on a point beside him, even though there was nothing there to look at.
Craig wasn't sure when Tweek had started affecting him like the boy did now. Maybe he'd missed the memo, the point at which his brain said, this, this is something we will find important, but it was definitely a thing now. It seemed like a weird thing to focus on, hadn't he always cared about Tweek? But this was different in a way that Craig couldn't explain. Tweek had become different in a way that Craig had ceased to be able to understand
Maybe it was the separation, the unmovable barrier between them that forced Craig to watch from the outside as Tweek continued to act very much like himself, or maybe it had been something that was already there and he just hadn't been attuned to it. But at this point, Craig was definitely aware of whatever it was and wasn't quite sure if he liked it. Because before, even though Craig was convinced that Tweek colored his world, the boy had just been in the same colors as everything else. Yeah, Craig cared about him, but he'd become routine.
Now, well, Craig wasn't even sure what he was supposed to call this.
It was something about the way the boy glowed, even cowering against the grungy wall outside of the school. It had something to do with the fact that Craig felt like if Tweek actually looked his way, instead of avoiding his gaze religiously, he really might die. That or never look away. It was definitely connected to the fact that everything Tweek did felt so much more real to Craig than everything else. Those things all had to do with this new phenomenon, the way his heart ended up lodged in his throat more often than not and the fact that reconciling with Tweek had become both an obsessive thought and a terrifying prospect.
Even though he hadn't spoken a word to Tweek in days, the boy had only consumed more of his mind than he usually already did. Craig had actually gotten pretty comfortable with Tweek turning into another piece of his normal, but now he'd managed to make himself abnormal once again and Craig didn't necessarily know what to do about it. He liked things being normal, and this most definitely wasn't. And really, he didn't need this right now, not when everything else was already so fucked up.
Tugging on his hair a little harder, Tweek whimpered, "W-why won't you leave me alone Craig?" Heart jumping, Craig ducked his head down quickly, feeling like he'd been caught out in a crime of some sort. He saw me, fuck. God, I'm making things worse. Now he knows I'm here, what the fuck am I supposed to- "Jesus, y-you're not even real!"
Wait, what?
Slowly, confused, Craig pushed himself back up so he could look out the window once more. Well, one thing was certain, Tweek wasn't looking at the window. No, his eyes were still fixed on the point beside him, clearly seeing something that Craig didn't. As if to confirm this, Tweek mumbled, "I -rrr- I know you feel real, but you're not. You're not C-craig."
Is he seeing... me? The moment the thought flitted through his head, Craig felt something ugly form in his stomach. He'd always known that Tweek saw things, heard voices that weren't really there, but he'd never realized that any of them took the shape of him. There were too many implications that were wrapped up in that thought, too many things that Craig didn't want to contemplate. Like how bad things had really gotten if Tweek hated him so much that he couldn't even stand an imaginary version of the Noirette. Fuck, what was he even supposed to say to something like that?
Oblivious to the thoughts that the real Craig had running through his head, Tweek mumbled, "Y-yes it does matter Craig." Letting out a frustrated screech, Tweek suddenly yelled, "I'M TALKING TO YOU LIKE I'M TALKING T-TO CRAIG! THAT'S -GHN- NOT N-NORMAL! God, I should be talking to the real you instead…"
"So why don't you?"
It was only once Craig realized that his mouth was open that he fully registered that he'd spoken. For a moment, all he could do was stare at Tweek, frozen and unsure what he was supposed to do. After two days not talking to Tweek, this wasn't how he wanted to try and apologize. Not through a fucking window after having listened in on the boy's one-sided conversation for the past few minutes. But for all the thoughts that had been cluttering his mind before, everything had suddenly gone silent. All there was now was the way that Tweek twitched at his words and suddenly scrambled for his thermos, almost like he had to do something with his hands before he tore his own hair out.
"Ngh- I've t-told you. Because I can't anymore. Everything's too screwed up t-to just talk to him. And jesus! I don't even want to!"
He thinks I'm just another one of his delusions, doesn't he? As heat clawed its way up his throat, Craig debated whether to leave now or not. On one hand, he had no fucking clue what had possessed him to say something to Tweek at all, but on the other, he'd spent the past two days wishing for even just a minute to talk to Tweek so why was he thinking about leaving now that he had that chance. Is this really how low I've stooped, talking to him only because he thinks I'm not there?
Yeah, apparently that was how low he'd gotten.
"Then why are you talking to me?" he asked, sinking down into the chair he'd been crouched in so he could lean his back against the wall and talk up towards the open window. It helped him feel less shitty about the whole thing, not being able to see Tweek's face. His chest was aching painfully, but not a bit of the emotion showed in his voice, which was as flat as ever. Sometimes, he wished that he were better at emoting, but at the moment, he was perfectly happy to hide how many things just hearing Tweek's voice directed at him was making him feel.
From outside, Tweek's voice filtered into the classroom. "I d-don't know." Craig didn't know either, so he wasn't sure how he was supposed to respond to that, but thankfully, Tweek wasn't finished. "I thought things w-would get better once you were gone, but -grrr- they haven't. Jesus, I don't know w-what to do!"
Wishing he could bury his fingers into Tweek's hair and pull the boy closer till he calmed down, Craig blew out a slow breath before answering, "Did you expect them to?" He could picture the way that Tweek's eyes would widen at those words, before they'd close jerkily as he twitched hard and shook his head. Recalling Tweek's words to him when Tweek had left, his plea for Craig to stop hurting him, the Noirette yanked his chullo down. That had been a stupid question, of course Tweek had expected things together, it had been self-absorbed to assume otherwise.
But then Tweek answered, surprising him. "N-no, not really." It was such a broken mutter, Craig felt his chest ache. Pressing down on the feeling, as if trying to suppress it, the boy clenched his teeth and forced himself to stay relaxed. In that soft, lost way of his, Tweek continued, "God, I w-was so selfish, just leaving like that. Craig hates me now." Suddenly letting out a growl, the boy exclaimed, "B-BUT IT WAS KILLING ME, WHAT ELSE WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO?!"
I was killing him, my inaction was tearing him apart. Tamping down the guilt that tried to crawl out of his chest, Craig took a deep breath before saying, "I don't hate you." The words were true, and they always would be as far as Craig was concerned. Even though Tweek clearly didn't want to talk to him and the only way they could communicate was if Tweek thought it wasn't him, Craig still didn't blame the boy for it. He'd fucked up and shattered the trust that Tweek had in him, he sort of deserved everything that was coming to him.
Softly, Tweek moaned out, "He sh-should. I'm so selfish and horrible, all I could think about was how I felt! That's s-so disgusting. I'm d-disgusting."
"No you're not," Craig told Tweek, his flat voice doing nothing to convey the tearing sensation he felt in his heart as he listened to Tweek's admission. Is that how he feels about this? Fucking hell, even when I'm not around I screw up his life. "Tweek, you did what you had to do."
"But I should have at least, jesusidontknow, explained what was wrong," Tweek pushed out in a rush, like the words hurt him. "Craig didn't even kn-now what he did wrong, and I did such a b-bad job of telling him. I -gah!- I didn't even tell him what was wrong! I just ran away!" Well, Craig wasn't going to argue with that, because it was true, Tweek had left him confused and broken in ways he didn't even know were possible. But at the same time, he'd been so far gone, he probably wouldn't have understood Tweek even if the boy had told him.
So he said as much, his voice slow and methodical. "Tweek, be honest, would I have understood fuck all of it even if you had explained it to me?"
"I dontknowohgod~" Tweek's teeth clacked together hard enough that Craig could hear it even from where he was sitting. "But even if I had told him, I w-would have sounded so horrible and -rrr- pathetic. I was sick of feeling pathetic, I w-was tired of putting myself through so much pain that didn't even have a r-reason to be there."
"No, you had every reason to be upset." Staring sightlessly at the ceiling, Craig muttered, "I was acting like a puppet. McCormick and Cartman were controlling me to the point where nothing I did was my own anymore. I'd be pretty pissed if I were you." Though he wasn't really saying it to Tweek's face, Craig felt better for saying it, even if it was just a little bit. "I was fucking dating someone I didn't even like all because they were telling me to. They had me answering to a fucking name."
"So th-that's what you meant when you said they collared you," Tweek mumbled, his voice tremulous. "Kenny told me, but I -ngh- never believed him." Letting out an involuntary sound the boy suddenly burst, "B-BUT I NEVER EVEN THOUGHT THAT OUT! Oh god, I d-didn't even have a good reason for being upset, I was being so horrible and clingy and needy. If he knew, h-he'd hate me for real! He already does!"
"No, I don't."
"YOU DON'T BUT HE DOES!" Tweek shrieked, his twitching evident in his words. Desperately, like he needed answers otherwise he'd die, Tweek pushed out, "H-he hasn't talked to me in two days, what else is th-that supposed to mean if he doesn't hate me?"
Reaching up into his own hair and fisting his hand in the black strands, Craig let out a bitter laugh and said, "Maybe because I'm a fucking coward?"
His shivers audible, Tweek said in an uneven voice, "H-he doesn't play the game anymore, why does he do that?"
"Because I'm sick of playing that game on Cartman's terms," Craig ground out, wishing he could just go out there and say this to Tweek in person. Maybe then Tweek would believe him.
But as it was, Tweek didn't buy a word of it. "Don't you get it?! He avoids me entirely! Jesus, I d-dontgetitatall! He clearly doesn't want to be anywhere near me!" Mumbling under his breath for a few more seconds, there was a thunk that Craig didn't doubt was the sound of Tweek's head hitting the concrete. After a moment of silence, Tweek finally asked, "S-so if he doesn't want to be near me or -ghn- talk to me, why does he keep staring at me l-like I still matter to him?
Letting out a whoosh of air as Tweek's words hit him, Craig found himself flatly saying, "Maybe you should ask me that."
Apparently, that had been the wrong thing to say. "I can't!" Tweek exploded, all but screaming in frustration. "Everything's so screwed up, I c-can't just talk to Craig!" His voice nothing short of frenetic, Tweek continued in a rush, "Nothing's ever going to get better! Grr- th-things are always going to stay the same and Jesus, I shouldn't even feel like this, b-but I just want the old Craig back and I can't have that because he's- HE'S GONE!" Panting, twitching, Tweek mumbled, "What's wrong w-with me…"
Gut clenching, Craig sucked in a deep breath before firmly saying, "Tweek, I promise you, things are going to change. Hell, everything's going to change." Yanking his chullo down over his forehead, Craig continued, "It's going to suck ass, but I swear I won't rest until I've made things right."
Whatever he'd been expecting, Tweek's broken laughter hadn't been it. "Y-you can't promise anything, you're not even real…"
Craig wanted to disagree, but when he opened his mouth to do so, the words failed him. They just lodged in his throat and made it impossible to breathe. Because Tweek didn't know that he was talking to Craig at all, Tweek just thought he was talking to himself. Snapping his mouth shut, Craig stared down at his hands in silent misery, wishing he had the strength to stand up and just fucking tell Tweek that it was him. But he didn't.
In the end, he really was a fucking coward.
Like a fitting response to his pathetic inability to speak when he most needed to, there was the sounds of Tweek stumbling to his feet before he yelled, "Jesus, I c-can't handle this, just leave me alone!" Before Craig could respond, he was hearing Tweek's running footsteps and he was alone again, sitting there with nothing but the smell of cigarettes and a silent classroom once more.
There was a soft tsking from the door of the class room. "Fucker~ is this really what we've come to? Such big words and not even enough courage to back them up." Glaring across the room at Kenny, who'd been standing there for god knew how long, Craig stumbled to his feet, unsure what else he was supposed to do. "Are we really at the point where you're more willing to pretend to be in Tweek's head than ground him in the reality that he's so quickly losing his hold on?"
Well when you put it like that… "Fuck off," Craig pushed out through gritted teeth. He was sick of people trying to tell him how to deal with Tweek, hadn't Kenny been the one to tell him that he shouldn't let others tell him what to do? But Kenny was smirking like Craig had no idea what he was talking about.
"It's okay Tucker, I won't sell you out," he assured the boy. When Craig's brows furrowed, Kenny laughed. "But it makes you wonder, doesn't it, whether in the end you're no more important than another one of his delusions. At some point, he's not going to be able to tell the difference, so doesn't that make it all the same?" Shaking his head, as if what he'd said was inconsequential, Kenny quickly followed what he'd said up with, "You know Craig, without me around, nothing would get done."
"The fuck have you done this time," Craig growled, his eyes dark.
Smirking, Kenny shook his head. "Oh, don't worry about that, it's not important right now, is it? Just know that you managing to get yourself landed in detention is veryunfortunate." Almost like he was disappointed, Kenny looked at the floor. "But~ I suppose it hardly matters, we'll work around that little, niggling fact." Grinning, the boy said, "After all, I did tell you that this was going to hurt, getting your little blond spaz back."
"Just tell me," Craig demanded, his patience wearing thin.
Raising one eyebrow, Kenny said, "I want you ready for the game before you go to detention." Visibly rolling his next words around in his mouth, the boy finally added, "Things are about to get very interesting and I'd just hate for you to miss out on anything."
Taking a breath, considering arguing with Kenny, Craig remembered Tweek's words about how nothing was ever going to change and steeled himself. Yeah, there would be consequences for this, if he was reading what Kenny was saying correctly, but at the same time, if he didn't play the game, he'd never be able to change it and bring it down. So instead, he lifted his chin and straightened his spine. "Fine."
"Glad we're in agreement," Kenny purred. "Don't get to complacent Fucker, because it's going to end soon, and I'd hate for you to blink and miss it." Lifting his hand, the boy turned around and called after him, "I'll let you know what's going on later, enjoy the rest of your lunch~"
))))-((((
This was why, hours later, when the silence of detention was broken by the buzz of Craig's phone, he didn't just ignore it. Instead, he glanced at the screen, risking Mr. Mackey's displeasure. Tugging his cloak tighter around his shoulders, Craig felt a swell of something like anticipation move through him at the words on his screen.
[Ten minutes Fucker, get ready to move.]
Pushing back a sleeve, Craig checked his watch, already waiting.
"Craig…" Mr. Mackey's voice didn't even faze him, Craig just kept staring, knowing that if Kenny had promised something was going to happen, then something definitely would. "Craig this is detention. M'kay, stop looking at your watch because you are in here for three hours, buddy!" The man slapped the cafeteria table for effect. "M'kay?"
Looking up at the impatient man, Craig lowered his arm and flatly said, "Whatever."
Crossing his arms, Mr. Mackey blustered, "Don't think your friends are gonna come bust you out this time, Craig!" Oh no, Craig wasn't thinking anything. He just knew.
Knowing how upset the idea that he might escape made the counselor, Craig raised an eyebrow and said, "My name is Feldspar and I'm a level eleven Thief." Though he cringed a bit at the use of the made up name, Craig decided that for the sake of this argument, it got his point across the best. "The Humans will soon rescue me from this tower." If he'd had the capacity to do so, he might have smirked, but his face didn't exactly work that way.
Pointing at him, getting red in the face, Mr. Mackey exclaimed, "No, your name is fuckin' Craig Tucker and you're in detention!" He slammed his fist against the table, which might have been intimidating if it had been literally anyone but Mr. Mackey. "Now start doing your homework!"
Already bored, Craig glanced down at his watch. Soon. Something's going to happen soon. Mr. Mackey kept talking however, as if he was oblivious to the loss of Craig's attention. "M'kay I've got all the doors sealed, and I've got hallway monitors working overtime. Nobody is gonna save your ass today, Craig! M'kay!" Man, still hasn't gotten over me escaping last time, has he?
Leaning back in his chair, Craig said, "I'll be out of here in ten minutes."
