Tweek
As he twitched the broom over the floor of the storeroom, Tweek stared straight ahead with dull, lifeless eyes.
Because I'm a fucking coward?
God, that deep, even voice, a voice that sounded so familiar and yet came out distorted because it was being seen through the screen of his mind.
Because I'm sick of playing this game on Cartman's terms.
If he hadn't been staring at his imagined creation of Craig, Tweek would have looked around for the boy, for a moment, he'd been sure he was hearing him.
Maybe you should ask me that.
It had sounded so much like Craig… And his words had carried so much weight behind them, like he meant every single one.
I swear I won't rest until I make things right.
Maybe if it had been Craig, he wouldn't feel so dead inside right now. As it was…
Tweek, I promise you, things are going to change.
"JESUS I CAN'T HANDLE THIS!" Throwing the broom down, Tweek yanked at his hair hard, trying to drive the mental image of Craig that haunted him from his mind. He didn't want to hear those things from another one of his delusions, he wasn't sure he could handle it when they turned out to be nothing but lies.
Shaking, he stumbled back and collapsed against one of the coffee bags as he tried to get his mind to shut up for just one blessed moment. Everything, from school to the game had become nothing short of one long cry of misery. For the first time in five months, Tweek was entirely alone, and he wished he could just die already because that would probably be preferable.
It didn't help that he spent most of his time simply wishing that Craig didn't hate him. After what he'd said to the boy however, it didn't matter how much his subconscious told him that Craig didn't hate him, Tweek knew that wasn't true. If Craig hadn't hated him, then he wouldn't be staring at him so often, clearly plotting his demise. It didn't matter that all Tweek ever saw in those eyes was concern and raw, tangible pain, he was imagining it. Craig wanted to kill him. Who wouldn't after being treated like he'd treated Craig.
The guilt was eating him alive.
Twitching harder, Tweek curled in on himself as he remembered that day at lunch for the millionth time. Of course he remembered most of what his mental image of Craig had said, all of it, from when they'd started talking right up until the moment he'd run inside. But there had been a part there, a moment where something had shifted and Tweek had felt, if only for a second, that he was talking to the Noriette himself. Even though he hadn't said it out loud, because that was crazy even by his standards, Tweek had felt almost… comforted for a moment, before he'd brutally rejected that kindness concocted up from whatever depths of his mind still weren't consumed by self-hatred.
Jesus, I wish I could just talk to him! Letting out an involuntary sound, Tweek shivered and yanked on his hair, trying to pull those thoughts from his head. He was so stupid, wanting to go back to the very thing that had hurt him before, but as he'd been forced to accept earlier that day, things weren't getting better and he didn't expect them to. Heck, it had gotten to the point where he had let his parents rope him into doing chores in the back room rather than going out and actually playing the game, if only so he didn't have to face the Noirette.
Clenching his teeth to keep them from knocking together, Tweek shook his head against the horrible feelings crawling up in his chest. No, he wasn't going to think about it, hecouldn't think about it anymore. If he did, then he really might die because all it did was make the creatures in his stomach tear him apart. They'd rip him open and crawl out and then they'd probably kill something because they were clearly more distressed than even he was. What if they kill Craig because I'm upset with him? Jesus, I can't handle that!
From outside of the backroom, Tweek heard the bell over the door ring and his father brightly say, "Welcome to Tweek Coffee. Coffee Made with ingredients supplied by local organic suppliers." Oh god, not again, why does he always do this? Stumbling to his feet, feeling disoriented, Tweek looked around helplessly for the broom, which he'd managed to misplace in the time it had taken him to freak out. I'm such a mess, why would anyone want to even talk to me? I'm disgusting.
Unexpectedly however, an unfortunately familiar voice answered his dad back. "Oh, that's simply wonderful, but we're here for something else~" Why is Kenny here? Oh god, I don't have the energy to deal with him. That's way too much pressure! He's been acting so weird lately, I don't get it, I don't want to deal with him! Worse, the reason for Kenny being here at all was probably to get Tweek to come play, which he didn't want to do at all.
Oblivious to Kenny's true intentions, Tweek heard his dad say, "Are you sure? It's local coffee. Brewed locally."
"Thank you Mr. Tweak, but we're actually looking for Tweek." Token?! JESUS WHAT'S HE DOING HERE TOO!? WHAT IF CRAIG'S WITH HIM!? Twitching violently, Tweek dug his fingernails into his scalp hard enough that he broke the skin. No, anything but that! I don't want to see Craig! I can't handle him!
"Tweek?!" his dad called suddenly, his voice filtering through Tweek's fear yet only increasing the pressure in his head. "Tweeeeeek!"
"AUGH!" he screeched, covering his ears and stumbling backwards, falling over one of the bags of coffee grounds. OH GOD I'M GONNA DIE!
"Have you picked up the fresh local ingredients?!" his father called in that playfully teasing voice he used when he was trying to impress customers. They're just kids, what does he think he's doing? Oh god, he looks crazy and I look even worse than him!
"AAHGHGH Not yet dad!" Tweek shrieked in return, attempting to pull himself to his feet. I can't play, there's no way I want to if Craig's going to be involved! Trying to ignore the fact that this was patently untrue, Tweek surged forward and grabbed for the fallen broom, which he clutched until his knuckles went white. "I'm still t-trying to do all my chores!" he finally called back, hoping to god that they would just leave him alone.
I can't face Craig, I can't do it. I think I really would die then and then my parents would turn me into coffee grounds and serve me to customers! Shaking hard, Tweek yanked on his hair and looked around helplessly, wishing he could hide. After what had happened, after what he'd said to Craig and what had happened as a result, Tweek was too scared to face the boy outside of school where he could at least run away if he decided to come after him. Besides, he's always sitting with his girlfriend, there's no way he'd even come after me there. But here, what if he actually kills me!
Sublimily, Richard Tweak called back, "Well hurry up, son, the family business is relying on you!" WHY WOULD YOU SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT, THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE!
"AUUGH!" he screamed in response.
"You should try some coffee," his mother insisted to the other boys, her dreamy broken voice making Tweek's teeth knock together. Just please, stay out there. If Craig's with you, I won't be able to handle it.
Because in the end, Tweek was most afraid that he'd run back to the Noirette without a second thought if Craig extended even a finger in his direction. It had been hard enough to resist those stares that Craig threw his way, with worry overflowing from the deep blue pools of the boy's eyes. But if Craig actually spoke to him, Tweek was terrified that he'd throw away his resolve to stay away from the taller boy. I've already put myself through so much, I can't handle anymore of it.
But he couldn't handle much more of this, so he felt screwed either way.
"Ah- Thank you, ma'am, b-but we're here t'find Tweek!" Butters exclaimed, his voice just as cheerful as ever. How many people did they bring? Why are there so many of them?! CRAIG IS PROBABLY WITH THEM OH GOD!
"Well, he's in the back room doing his chores!" his mom said, humming under her breath.
Before Tweek could do anything to even begin to prepare himself, the door to the back room swung open and a flurry of bright pink and purple skirts came flying into the room, accompanied by the musical call of, "Tweekers~ Never fear, your princess and her wonderful Paladin have come to rescue you from your tower of solitude!"
"AUGHGUGHGHGH!" Dropping his broom, Tweek's hands flew up into his hair as he stumbled backwards and sprawled out over the ground once more. As his head smacked the concrete floor, the blond let out a moan of pain and stared at the ceiling while he wished for a swift death. He could hear Kenny tittering and Butters quickly shuffling towards him, no doubt to make sure he was okay. Out of the corner of his eyes, Tweek could just make out Token's orange cape as it swished near his face, but after a moment of listening, he realized that these were the only people in the room. Craig's not here?
He could only pretend not to feel the stab of disappointment and bitterness at the realization.
"Hey buddy!" Butters burbled, helping Tweek get to his feet, even though the blond was twitching too hard to stand up straight. "We're here cause th'Grand Wizard sent us!"
Nodding, his eyes watching Tweek carefully, Token said, "The Elves took the stick back apparently." AFTER EVERYTHING WE DID TO GET IT BACK!? Tweek felt like ripping out his hair, so he just screamed again, though it came out as more of a growl of frustration. "I know," Token agreed, as if he'd actually answered back.
"Which is why~ my sweet little Barbarian, they need you at the castle!" Kenny announced, his sky-blue eyes sparkling with mischif.
Looking around the back room, feeling his stress rise up once more at the prospect of actually playing, Tweek clenched his hands and squeaked, "Now?! You guys need me now?!" Scrambling to pick up his broom, as though that would protect him, Tweek insisted, "Ngh- th-there's no way man!" Besides, if I go, what if I see Craig?! That shouldn't have been something that he wished for, Tweek felt like a desperate addict, craving the thing that had already hurt him more times than he could count.
"B-but we gotta get the stick back!" Butters insisted, his eyes wide and imploring. Shivering, looking at the happy boy, Tweek shook his head, gripping the broom handle tight enough that his fingers creaked. "C'mon, you're one'a our best warriors!"
Shaking his head hard enough to make it pound, Tweek shrieked, "NO WAY! I have way too much to do!" Attempting to drag the broom over the floor, Tweek only succeeded in nearly sending himself toppling again, prompting Token to raise an eyebrow and pull the broom from his hands carefully.
"So get it done, and then come and help," the Cleric told him, his eyes searching Tweek's face, as if he knew exactly why Tweek didn't want to come. Jesus, of course he does, he knows everything! Letting out a scream through his teeth, Tweek buried fingers into his hair and pulled, making the scratches he'd already left behind by his fingernails burn all the more.
"HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO D-DO ALL THIS?!" Tweek screeched, wishing they'd just leave him alone already. "AUGHGHG! How am I supposed to -rrr- do all of this?!" he repeated again, trying to calm down but failing horribly. "There's no way man!" Oh god, why are they making this so hard for me?! Muttering under his breath as the pressure in his head started to build, Tweek babbled out, "Starbucks has, like, eight employees! Here, it's -ghn- just me!"
"Tweeky, look at you, freaking out over nothing~" Kenny cooed, throwing his arms around Butter's neck so he could rest his head on top of the Paladin's mop of blond hair. "Careful, you might burst a blood vessel doing that."
"JESUS IS THAT DEADLY?!" Covering his head in fear, Tweek almost fell over again before Token reached out a hand and pressed down on his shoulder, physically keeping his feet planted on the ground. Looking up at the black boy, Tweek twiched hard and swallowed in an attempt to push the lump of fear down.
"If you have a lot to do, then what if we helped?" Token offered, raising the broom and shrugging. "Because I really think you should come today Tweek," the boy continued, raising an eyebrow slowly. When Tweek tried to get away from those knowing eyes, Token added, "You've been avoiding us."
Eyes flying to Kenny and Butters, the former of which had his eyebrows raised in mischievous curiosity, Tweek let out a screech and freed himself from Token's grip. "JESUS FINE!" Wrapping his arms around his torso as he attempted to get his twitching under control, Tweek bit out, "Y-you can help!" Giving Token a hurt look for backing him into a corner so effectively, Tweek mumbled, "Grrr- but I still have to sweep! A-and I have to go pick up the coffee delivering from Kenny's garage."
If he'd thought that this would dissuade anyone, Tweek was sorely mistaken. At once, as though delighted by this, Kenny clapped his hands together and squealed, "Oh isn't that just wonderful! Butterfree and Token can finish neatening up and we can go get the delivery together Tweekers, wouldn't that just be the bestest?"
Brightening at the prospect of being able to help, Butters swelled with joy and announced, "A'course M'lady! Me 'n Token'll get this place all neat an' stuff together!" Nodding at Tweek, as though he expected the blond to be happy about the situation, the boy said, "Don't worry Tweek, we'll get it all done before y'even get back!"
Realizing that he didn't have a way out of this anymore, Tweek bit his bottom lip twitching before mumbling, "Ngh- f-fine."
"Come on Tweeky, we'll have this done in no time~" Kenny announced, looping his arm around Tweek's shoulders and pulling the defeated boy after him. Shuffling his feet in an attempt to keep up with Kenny, Tweek kept his eyes fixed on the ground, even while Kenny grabbed for the order slip next to the door and pulled Tweek out into the alley beside Tweek Bro's. The moment they were out of the building, Tweek ducked out from under Kenny's arm and hurried away from the princess, his arms wrapped tightly around his torso.
I don't want to deal with these people, I'm so sick of this game. Why am I letting them drag me around?! Whimpering, Tweek shook his head, trying to get the thoughts out of his head. No, it was stupid that he was letting what happened with Craig ruin this game for him! Except Craig had been the game for him, the reason he kept playing no matter how many horrible things happened to them because of it. Now that Craig was gone, he just wanted it to be over.
Feeling Kenny's eyes on him, Tweek jerked his head upright and stared straight ahead, wishing he could at least look confident. If he had his costume on, at least then he'd feel like a barbarian. Right now, all he had was his own fear and insecurity, coupled with the pain that Craig had left him and the mental scars he'd inflicted on himself.
"You're not fooling an-y-one," Kenny murmured, drawing out the syllables of the last word. "C'mon Tweeky, I might be a blond, but I'm not stupid. We all know why you were hiding in the back room letting your parents order you around, it's not like it's a mystery." Oh god, what is he talking about?! JESUS!
"I'm -ngh- not hiding! I had chores!" Tweek insisted, shivering as Kenny drew level with him and loomed over him, his mascara coated eyelashes lowering as he looked down at the twitching boy. Shrinking away, dodging out of Kenny's line of sight, Tweek stumbled around the corner and attempted to put some distance between himself and the Princess. Does he know about Craig? I never said anything to anyone, so does that mean that Craig told everyone?! But why would he do that, does he really hate me that much? WHY DOES HE WANT TO MAKE MY LIFE MISERABLE?! Letting out a shriek, Tweek screamed, "JESUS IT'S T-TOO MUCH!"
Clicking his tongue, Kenny let out a soft giggle. "Oh Tweekers, I can practically hear your brain going crazy right now." Shaking his head, the boy suddenly dropped the princess act entirely. "You know, I never thought I'd say this but it's almost like you're back to normal, no? You've gone right back to being the same spaz we all used to know and love, and how long did it take for it to happen? Two days? Three?"
When Tweek just whimpered and dug his hands into his hair, hating how easily Kenny could work his fingers into his most disgusting thoughts, the other boy hummed under his breath. "Look at you, you're a mess. It's got everyone talking Tweek, but no one's got any answers. Funny how something that should be nothing short of obvious is causing so much strife." Drawing level with Tweek once more, Kenny leaned down slightly and said, "So tell me Tweeky, what's got you all in such a tizzy, hmm?"
Craig. Always Craig. "Ghn- God, just l-leave me alone!" Of course he was a mess, he'd been nothing but ever since pushing Craig away. And Kenny was right when he said that Tweek had gone back to the way he used to be before Craig had been a figure in his life. Heck, he was worse. At least before it hadn't hurt so much.
"You'll talk to those monsters in your head but you won't even talk to me?" Kenny asked, holding his hand to his heart as if hurt. "Now that's just cruel, simply horrible. But let's be honest, at least your crazy never abandons you for someone else." Kenny's words dripped through Tweek's mind, making him feel worse by the second. "You know Tweekers, I would have thought that you of all people would know that problems don't go away when you tell them to. After all, pushing people away is never the answer."
Craig's been telling all of them what happened. Everyone knows what I said to him. Everyone knows how horrible I am! Why would he do that to me?! Because he hated Tweek, obviously. As his breathing sped up, his insides clenching around his own terror, Tweek shook his head up. "I DON'T EVEN WANT TO PLAY! JESUS JUST GO AWAY!"
Unexpectedly, Kenny sighed, the sound one of genuine regret. "I know," he said softly, ruefully. "You're not the only one who's sick of this game." Feeling some of his general panic start to slow down at the change in Kenny's voice, Tweek slowly turned to look at the boy, who was pulling at one side of his wig as if to straighten it. "In fact, your boy in blue isn't too keen on playing anymore either, actually."
Heart tripping uncomfortably, Tweek bit his lip to hold back the question that instantly jumped to his lips. Why doesn't Craig want to play? Because that was the only thing that Kenny could mean, right? Except that didn't make any sense, because of course Craig still wanted to play, he was too far into the game to just want to leave.
Things are going to change.
Eyeing him sidelong, Kenny softly said, "Oh, but I thought you knew Tweeky. Haven't you seen Craig recently? He's been nothing short of miserable since you vanished on him, don't tell me you haven't noticed it." Craig's been upset? Tweek hated the hope that rose in his stomach at Kenny's words. Jesus, I want Craig to be happy, why am I hoping that he's upset without me? I'm so disgusting.
"I bet you have, I bet you've seen it every time you've caught him staring at you with those lost eyes of his." Shaking his head, Kenny added, "But I suppose it's a good thing that he's finally able to admit he's upset, because neither of you were going to last much longer pretending nothing was wrong without something blowing up."
Wrapping his arms around his middle a little tighter, Tweek stumbled over the uneven ground and pushed out, "B-but he's supposed to be happy! I don't want Craig to be upset!" Why am I so hopeful, what do I think is going to come from this?! "I'm not part of his life anymore, he sh-should be happy without me." Who wouldn't be glad to get rid of something like me?
Raising an eyebrow, as if he could read Tweek's mind through his eyes, Kenny said, "Happy Tweekers? Heaven's no, Craig is downright miserable without you!" When Tweek squeaked, Kenny chuckled, though the sound didn't hold even an ounce of mirth in it. "You say that he should be happy, but be honest with yourself, would Craig have ever been happy in the situation he was in? No Tweek, I should be thanking you, without your specific brand of crazy, your little Thief would still be allowing the rest of us to crush his spirit."
Hell, everything's going to change. It's going to suck ass, but I swear I won't rest until I've made things right.
"He could be h-happy with Bebe," Tweek muttered, biting his lip.
"We forced him into that relationship," Kenny answered back, saying what Tweek had been thinking for a month.
Grasping for all of those things that he'd been using to convince himself that his situation was hopeless, Tweek squeaked, "He hasn't said a word to me, h-he's avoided me!"
Kenny shook his head insistently, "Do you think that Craig know what the hell he's doing? Tweekers he's more clueless than you are."
"He hates me."
"Tweek, he's fucking obsessed with you!"
As they stopped beside Kenny's house, Tweek stared at the boy, trying to figure out if he was even allowed to believe that there was a chance that things were going to get better. Reaching hands up into his hair, but he didn't pull on it, he just twitched and waited for the other shoe to drop. Waited for Kenny to laugh and admit that he was just messing with him, just trying to make his life hard, but for once, the sandy-blond looked entirely serious.
"Why are you telling me this?" the twitchy blond asked, almost begging
Like he was hell-bent on confusing Tweek further, Kenny smiling slightly and said, "There are some people who are worried about the two of you. I- I'd rather not let them down." Sounding almost painfully human, Kenny said, "They say that your hearts will guide the two of you, but I dunno, I suppose I'm a little less trusting."
"S-so what am I supposed to do?" Tweek asked, shivering.
Kenny shrugged and admitted, "I dunno Tweeky. That's up to you." Turning back towards the garage, the boy called back to the blond, "But I think you need to stop running."
Before Tweek could react to those words, Kenny giggled and slipped back into his Princess act in a second. "Now come on my dearest Barbarian~ We have a game to play and a stick to get back!"
All Tweek could do was hurry to catch up.
