Craig
Craig was sort of dissociating at this point.
He hadn't really internalized or accepted what was happening, past the fact that his ass hurt and Tweek's face was streaked with tears. In fact, he was so out of it that he'd turned a conversation about survival into a stupid conversation about emotional drama that really shouldn't have mattered at that moment as much as it felt like it did. But that had been the first thing to come to his mind, and even though this wasn't exactly the most useful thought to have when face to face with death and aliens and further anal probing, Craig was bad at prioritizing.
Which is why he was staring at Tweek's hands, and currently experiencing a complete emotional meltdown internally.
The boy's hands were small. Tiny, actually. Petite like the rest of the blond was, twitchy and unsteady like they were a perfect mirror of their owner. They were small, yet the fingers were long, proportionally, and they were thin. Delicate. Graceful, if Craig had been one for poetry. Cute, if he'd been in that frame of mind.
When Craig placed his hand over Tweek's, it covered it completely. Though there was a forcefield or something between them, he could easily recall the cool heat that usually emanated from them and it left something heavy in the pit of his stomach. It had been ages since he'd actually held Tweek's hand, at least, it felt like it. Craig wasn't sure why his brain had chosen that particular moment to be upset about it, but oh fuck he was.
And it didn't make sense, did it, that of all the things that Craig could have picked up on, it had to be the scars on Tweek's hands that drew his attention. In the back of his mind he knew they were from third grade, but at this moment, he thought that they looked like spiderwebs. And if he unfocused his eyes, it looked like those spiderwebs extended to his own hands, covering his darker digits with their own latic of scars. It was stupid but Craig wished those spiderwebs were steel, and he wished that there wasn't a forcefield so he could just grab Tweek by his small, beautiful hands and hold him there where he couldn't get away anymore.
Because that's what he kept doing, getting away from him. Even when they were face to face, finally talking about their problems, finally working things out, Tweek was so faraway from him. Separated by a barrier that Craig couldn't move.
But Tweek was wearing that stupid mood ring, and suddenly Craig could feel his own mood ring burning a hole in his pajama pocket where it had been since the day after the fucking wedding. Fuck, it hadn't meant a damn thing when Bebe had been the one wearing it but now Tweek was wearing it and that made it important.
And when he looked at the boy, whose eyes were shining with certainty and determination and hope and more emotions than he could name, Craig sort of wanted to cry.
Which is why, at a certain level, Craig was glad when the alarms started to blare and both he and Tweek leaped to their feet, their moment of softness over. As Tweek scrambled for the strange alien gun and Craig ducked behind the examination table, as if that would do him any good, there were the sounds of many pairs of something thudding outside the door. "I don't know how to fight aliens!" Tweek was protesting, his eyes flying everywhere as if looking for something to help him. "Jesus man, th-they're terrifying!"
"You'll be fine," Craig told Tweek, his flat voice as encouraging as he could make it. "Just- You should leave me. You'll be safer if you're able to run."
"NO! I'M N-NOT LEAVING YOU!" Tweek insisted, his green eyes flashing like headlights at the very thought of leaving. I can't let myself be the reason that he gets hurt.Frustrated, as much with himself as with Tweek, Craig shook his head, trying to formulate a reason why the blond's departure would be the best possible course of action.
"Listen, I'll be fine," Craig tried to tell Tweek, but he knew it was weak even before it left his mouth and it certainly didn't convince the blond, who screeched and squeezed his eyes shut tight. "Tweek, please, I don't want you to get hurt because of me," the Noirette said urgently. The footsteps were getting closer and Craig knew that at any moment, they wouldn't exactly have any more time to debate this. "Just run."
"I'm not leaving!" Tweek pushed out, narrowing his eyes and glaring at Craig. "I'm n-not letting you die!" Turning around jerkily so he could look at the door, Tweek growled out, "If they wanna hurt you -ngh- they're gonna have t-to get through me first!"
Before Craig even had time to form the word no, the door opened and five aliens poured into the room. Two of them instantly saw Craig and one pointed at him. "Moo moo!" it insisted, like it was giving directions. "Moo moo moo moo!" Backing up, even though he didn't really have anywhere to go, Craig pressed himself against the back of his forcefield and only had time to think oh shit before four different alien guns were pointed at him.
Well Tweek, he thought, as his short and admittedly lackluster life flashed past his eyes. It was nice knowing you. You're the best thing that's ever happened to m-
"OVER HERE Y-YOU -GNH- FUCKERS!" As an alien went over in a flash of light and pathetic mooing, Tweek came screeching into the scene, his gun raised and a grim expression on his ivory face. As the aliens turned to face the new threat, Tweek thumbed the trigger of his gun again and shot off a panel beside the head of the alien who had originally pointed out Craig. "I'M -RRR- RIGHT OVER HERE SO COME AND G-GET ME!"
As Craig watched with wide eyes, Tweek hit another one of the aliens in the face, knocking it into its cohort that stood behind it. Finally getting their shit together, the three remaining aliens raised their guns and fired at Tweek, the shots tearing holes in their nice metal upholstery. As wires and bits of glowing stuff went flying everywhere, Tweek screamed and ducked, rolling for cover behind the other examination table.
"MOo moo!" one of the aliens yelled, before the aliens split and started to try and corner Tweek. Seeing this, Tweek let out a shriek before practically vaulting onto the table, firing at the aliens as he went. Dodging his shots, the three creatures took aim once more and it was only thanks to Tweek's lightning quick reflexes that he didn't get blown to pieces.
"JESUS CHRIST!" Tweek shrieked, dancing over the fallen aliens as he attempted to get away. Watching him, Craig attempted to keep the examination table between himself and the remaining aliens as they moved towards Tweek, mooing angrily. "OH GOD- FUCK! I'M GONNA -NGH- DIE!" Even as he said those words though, he turned and fired once more, hitting one of the aliens in the eye.
Hardly caring as their brethren went over, dead, the two remaining aliens looked not at Tweek but at Craig, and as one they moved for him. Oh shit. Shit shit shit. Generally, in Craig's experience, if the aliens came towards you, it meant that bad things were in your future. Granted his experience consisted of all of about thirty minutes that he could remember, but he felt that was ample in this case.
"Oh god CRAIG!" Tweek shrieked. Fixating on the remaining aliens, Tweek ran for them with a scream of, "GET AWAY FROM HIM!" At his approach, one alien turned around and fired at Tweek, forcing him to duck for cover, while the other passed through the forcefield around Craig and took aim at the defenseless Noirette.
"Moo moo moo," the alien aiming a weapon at Craig's head said conversationally, almost like it was disappointed that things had turned out this way. "Moo, moo moo mo moo. Moo moo~!" Then it pulled the trigger.
In that second, several things happened very fast. First, Craig ducked and rolled for all he was worth, attempting to get as far away from the alien as possible. Second, Tweek let out a screech that people probably heard from the next state over. Third, there was a flash of light and a thump as a body hit the floor.
Opening his eyes, shocked that he was still alive, Craig found himself face to face with a very dead looking alien, which wasn't pleasant, but at least confirmed the fact that he was, in fact, still breathing. Tweek… He saved me. And in that second, Craig would have told anyone who was willing to listen that Tweek motherfucking Tweak was the most badass and amazing human to have ever existed on planet earth and probably the whole galaxy.
A moment later, he realized that if this alien had gotten through the forcefield, that must mean that something had let him. And if that train of logic followed, one could only conclude that Craig now had a way somewhere in front of him that would let him get free. Without any thought for his safety, Craig crawled out and pawed at the alien's belt, which held a device that looked like the one that Tweek was holding. There were five buttons on it, which was already too many for Craig to process.
Well, here goes nothing. Craig pressed the blue button.
There was a loud bang and a plume of black smoke suddenly erupted from the torture device above Craig. Good news; he didn't get hurt. Bad news; the remaining alien chose that moment to turn at him and moo menacingly.
"Mooo moo~!" the alien yelled before firing its weapon.
In the same second, Tweek screeched, "OH GOD CRAIGLOOKOUT!"
Listening to the decidedly more important voice of the two, Craig ducked back behind the examination table, which was good because a moment later the remaining alien went flying and smacked against the forcefield hard enough to cause the entire thing to crackle.
There was a moment of silence, in which there was only the sound of machines complaining, alarms blaring and heavy breathing, then, "Craig? Oh god- GHA ARE YOU ALIVE!?"
Shaken, but okay, Craig crawled out from behind the table and held up his hands, as if to say I'm okay, I'm in one piece. Tweek was standing there, his gun still raised, his eyes wide and fearful. The moment he saw Craig however, his whole expression melted into one of intense relief. Feeling the need to say something before one of them started crying, Craig hoarsely said, "I'm okay Tweek. I'm okay."
"Ngh- I thought-" Tweek managed, his eyes starting to water despite Craig's best efforts. "I thought th-the alien had hit you!" Starting for the boy, only to remember the fucking forcefield that was in his way, Craig grunted in irritation before pressing the buttons on the strange device until the blue energy around him fell away. Suddenly realizing that he was free, it was all Craig could do not to run forward and sweep Tweek into his arms in a hug.
As it was, they both awkwardly dropped everything they were holding and ran into each other in a mess of words and apologies and reassurances that Craig wouldn't have traded for the world.
Softly, his voice slightly muffled by Craig's pajama shirt, Tweek whimpered, "I thought you w-were gonna die!" Craig's heart lurched at those words, and it took a moment for him to get his throat to stop constricting enough for him to answer the boy. He was worried about me. He saved me. Shit…
"I'm fine," he pushed out, forcing his lungs to start working properly. "I'm fine Tweek. Fuck, I'm fine." There was no way to properly explain all of the stupid and weird emotions roiling about inside of him, so he just pressed his face into Tweek's wild blond hair and let the other boy's shivers run through him like electricity. I'm fine, you're fine. We're fine. We're going to be fine.
Pulling away enough to look up at him, Tweek looked between Craig's eyes twitchily, like he was trying to stop the lie, trying to put his finger on what wasn't right, but then he just whimpered again and tightened his hold on Craig. "There are aliens," he whispered fearfully. "There are -rrr- aliens, and they caught us, and Jesus idontwanttodie!"
"We're not going to die," Craig said firmly, even though his hands were tender as they ran through Tweek's hair. "You were a fucking badass Tweek, you took on those aliens like it was nothing." When the blond stepped back and looked up at Craig skeptically, Craig snorted. "I told you you'd do fine."
Shaking his head, reluctantly moving away from the Noirette, Tweek insisted, "Rrr- But we're s-still stuck here!" Lifting an eyebrow, Craig spent a beat searching about for one of those alien guns before bending down and grabbing one of the fallen weapons. As he hefted it, Craig aimed it at the ceiling and thummed the trigger. There was a flash and a nice little crater appeared above. Shooting the shivering blond a sidelong look, Craig almost smiled.
"Oh, I don't know," he told the blond flatly, enjoying the way that Tweek's eyes widened as he started to understand. "I think we might be able to fuck their shit up just fine." And before Tweek had a chance to argue, Craig bent down and grabbed his fallen device before heading for the door.
As the blond caught up to him and used his own device to open the door, the two of them broke out into the hallway, where the alarms were even louder than in the room they'd been in. Throwing his head about, Tweek let out a growl before jerking his head left. "Ngh- Th-that's the way I came from! But I d-don't know which way to go! I don't -rrr- knowwhereanythingis!"
Letting his free hand land in Tweek's hair, Craig calmly said, "It's okay, you've got this. Which way did they seem to be headed?" Under his fingers, the blond stilled slightly before twitchily looking around and pointing left.
"Jesus I don't know!" he yelped, before chelching his jaw and adding, "B-but I think it's this way." Knowing that Tweek, under all those nerves, was far smarter than he gave himself credit for, Craig turned left and lead the way down the hallway, his recently acquired gun raised and ready. The whole alien ship seemed alive, but Craig focused his extra energy on the presence beside him, that glowing star that was Tweek Tweak.
"Moo Moo!" Turning in the direction of that alien voice, Craig didn't even bother to warn Tweek, he simply lifted the gun over the boy's head and fired, hitting one of the two aliens that were converging on them from an adjacent hallway. Ducking for cover, Craig grabbed Tweek around the shoulders and yanked him out of the way of the shots that the remaining alien sent their way.
"Oh GOD WHY WON'T THE LEAVE US ALONE?!" Tweek all but screamed, tearing at his hair with one hand before darting forward and firing down the hallway several times. Craig felt his heart lodge in his throat as a bolt of light singed the edges of Tweek's golden mane before the blond fired another shot and there was a moo of pain as the alien hit the ground.
"Come on, we've got to find a control room or something," Craig said, reaching out and catching the hand that Tweek held out to him as if on instinct. As his larger hand finally closed around the boy's slim, cool fingers, Craig's insides just settled, like the world had fallen back into place. Pulling ahead of him, Tweek all but yanked Craig along as he sped down the hallways.
"Ngh- RANDY SAID THERE WAS A W-WAY TO DO SOMETHING!" Tweek screeched, his wild eyes never staying still for more than a second at a time. Keeping up with the shorter boy's pace, Craig furrowed his brows at Tweek's words and turned to look at the blond, only to get a rushed, "JESUSHEWASINTHEROOMIWASIN!" When Craig raised an eyebrow, Tweek more slowly said, "I don't know man! Stan's dad is s-so weird!"
"Yeah, he is," Craig agreed at last, not even about to get into that can of worms. Following the boy towards another door, Craig lifted his device and pushed the green button, experimentally. Probably, he should have just left that kind of thing to Tweek, because one moment they were looking at the door and the next they weren't.
It was like the biggest sneeze he'd ever taken, but backwards. That was Craig's only description for the unpleasant sensation of dissolving and reforming in an entirely unknown location on the alien ship. There was a moan of fear and consternation from beside him, and Craig quickly looked down to find Tweek clutching his stomach, his eyes wide and horrified. "Jesus~" Tweek whimpered, shaking his head and twitching terribly. "Let's -ngh- never do that again."
"Agreed," Craig muttered, once he was sure his vocal chords were still working. Looking around, the Noirette muttered, "Well, at least there aren't any aliens over here." The whole area was bathed in a green glowing light, which wasn't very reassuring, but Craig was taking a leaf out of Clyde's book and trying to look on the bright side of things.
"Sieg Heil!"
"OH GOD WHAT IS THAT?!" Tweek shrieked. Spinning quickly, Craig looked for the source of the sound, only to find a greenish glowing hobo limping towards them, his hand raised as if saluting them. What the actual fuck? Instead of taking the time to question it, Craig lifted his gun and fired, taking the arm off of the shambling creature.
Growling, Tweek fired his gun twice. The first shot missed, but the second blew straight through the monster's head, felling it. Watching the thing go over, Craig let out a whistle through his teeth before ruffling Tweek's hair, unable to stop the pride from welling up in his chest. "Well, whatever it was," he commented drolly, turning around and looking down the gloomy hallway. "It's dead now."
Spotting a ladder, Craig nudged Tweek's shoulder and muttered, "I say we get going before something else finds us." Shivering, Tweek nodded and hurried ahead of Craig, sweeping the area ahead of him with his gun as if ready to shoot anything that moved. While the boy covered him, Craig tucked the gun under his chin and climbed the ladder quickly, pushing the hatch above him out of the way.
"There's nothing up here," he called down to Tweek, even as he settled the gun back into his hands and waited for the blond below to join him. The moment Tweek popped his head out of the hatch, he shrieked and scrambled to get the rest of the way out of the lower level.
"Ghn- That's where I was!" Tweek yelped, before swiveling his head and pointing towards an alien who was lying dead on the ground. "THAT DOOR!" he all but screamed, hurring forward, forcing Craig to keep up or get left behind. "It's through here!"
"How do you know?" Craig asked, looking down at the blond.
Shaking fingers already tapping away at the mysterious keypad next to the door, Tweek pushed out, "I d-don't." Like a charm, the door glowed a happy blue, before sliding open, admitting them both. After a moment spent looking at Tweek in wonder, Craig shook his head and walked through the door, his gun raised and at the ready.
Inside, there was a wall of screens, each showing a different view of south park. Staring at them, mouth forming around several choice words, Craig had just enough forethought to grab for Tweek and press the boy's face into his side to stifle the inevitable screams. They did indeed come, and Craig honestly didn't blame the boy. It was one thing to think you were being watched, it was quite another to realize that, in fact, you actually were.
"I -ngh- knew it!" Tweek screeched into Craig's side, his shaking getting worse. "JESUS I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I-"
Lifting his gun, Craig let out a volley of shots, each one of them hitting a different screen, before he turned around and fired one last one at the motherboard, which sputtered before dying spectacularly. With it, the lights of the room went out, leaving them with nothing but the blue strip lights on the ground and ceiling for illumination. "There," Craig said, firmly. "Now they aren't watching anymore."
And maybe he would have said more, but at that moment, the door to their left opened up, and Craig realized that they were looking into the cockpit of the whole flying saucer.
"MOoo?" one of the aliens said in alarm, turning around to look at them.
"Moo moo mooo!" the other yelped, reaching for a gun.
Craig was about to reach for his own gun when something was pressed against his stomach and a hole was blown through the back of one of the pilot seats, sending the alien that had been sitting in it skidding to the floor. Softly, in a voice that was dangerously calm, Tweek said, "N-never spy on my town again."
Letting go of Craig, Tweek stalked towards the cockpit, his gun raised, his hair flying around him like the rays of the sun, his stance nothing short of deadly. He fired again, and this time, it was the controls of the ship that he fried. As the alien who was still seated tried to salvage the damage while the other alien tried to get its gun up to shoot at Tweek, the blond said, louder this time, "Never kidnap my friends again!"
Getting to its feet, the alien took aim at Tweek and let out a loud, "Moo!"
Turning almost demonic eyes on the alien, Tweek suddenly screeched, "AND NEVER TOUCH CRAIG AGAIN!" Like lighting, the boy fired twice. The first shot hit the alien's gun, the second, the creature's face. Craig could only watch from the doorway as the blond spun in the same move and fired three shots directly at the remaining pilot, killing it instantly.
For a moment, there was silence, then the ship started to tilt alarmingly.
Realizing that oh shit, there's no one driving this thing anymore, Craig reacted without thinking. Lunging forward, Craig caught Tweek with one arm and twisted with the ship's movement, letting the force slam him into the base of the control panels instead of Tweek. Curling around the smaller boy, Craig shut his eyes and let go of his gun so he could use his arms to tuck the blond's head against his chest.
There was no time for talking, there wasn't even time for screaming. All Craig had the chance to think was Oh fuck this is going to hurt- before his world went white.
