Craig

"Hey."

Admittedly, not the best beginning, but Craig couldn't help but feel awkward, standing in the empty classroom looking at the girl who had put up with his shit for far too long. He'd been psyching himself up for this all morning, and yet nothing could have prepared him for it. Not quite. Though, to be fair, he supposed he'd sort of seen it coming since the beginning.

"Hey Craig~" Bebe said softly, calmly, from her position standing in the doorway. She looked as flawlessly her as ever, Clyde probably would have waxed poetic about it, but Craig's only thought was that it didn't matter. Because in the end she wasn't Tweek and he cared about his friendship with the boy a lot more than he did about this.

Sucking in his cheeks, tugging his hat down over his hair and the bandage that was still stuck to his forehead, Craig flatly said, "We need to talk." Just fucking say it, it's not going to get any less dickish.

Walking into the room, shutting the door behind her carefully, Bebe said, "Yeah, I've been thinking the same thing." She was obviously trying to be bubbly about it, but it slipped off at the end, falling flat. Laughing awkwardly, she tucked her hair behind her ear and said, "I mean, there hasn't really been the time, and things have been weird, but-"

"But now we have time," Craig finished, snorting. It was funny, after talking to Clyde the night before and Tweek, during the parts of the night they hadn't been fighting aliens, the Noirette felt a whole lot more sure about this. Looking up at Bebe, Craig found that the girl was already staring at him levely, like she was waiting. I think we both are.

So he stopped waiting, and spoke.

"I want to break up."

As the weight came off of his chest, Craig continued, "You were never romantically interested in me, and I'm not interested in you. You're a pretty cool person, but we were pushed into this relationship, and I'm sick of pretending for those assholes."

Dipping her head, Bebe laughed softly. "Wow," she muttered, running a hand through her mane of curly blond hair. "Yeah, that's pretty much what I was going to say." Quickly looking up at him, Bebe said, "I mean, I honestly do think you're a wonderful person Craig, but I don't want this anymore than you do." That, Craig realized, made something else in him lighten. Because something in him had been honestly worried about screwing this up, and this proved that he wasn't.

Blowing out a breath, catching the smell of the goth kid's cigarettes coming from the open classroom window, Craig shook his head and muttered, "Sorry I let it drag out so long." Thinking of Tweek, repeatedly wishing Craig and Bebe well even though he hated the idea of them together, Craig added, "I guess there was one too many voices pretending it was a good thing for me to hear my own voice."

"Craig, there are always going to be those voices," Bebe told him, her words echoing the ones that Kenny had thrown at him the week before, albeit in a nicer voice. "People are always going to tell you want to do and you're going to have to figure out if what they're saying is the right thing to listen to. My mom says it doesn't get any easier."

"It would have been a fuckton more convenient if you'd followed your own advice," Craig pointed out, looking down the bridge of his nose at her. "I mean, we both should have fought a little harder for our own freedom."

Huffing, though not defensively, Bebe answered back, "For your information Craig Tucker, girls are evil and you don't just date someone without at least pretending to be invested in it. Not if you want to be looked at as a good person."

"Jesus, you guys are fucking vicious," Craig muttered, whistling through his teeth.

Crossing her arms, Bebe raised an eyebrow and said, "Says the boy who put Cartman in the hospital earlier this year."

"He deserved it," Craig said, matter o'factly.

Bebe laughed. "Well, maybe we deserved this too."

"How the fuck did we last a whole month?" Craig asked, rolling his eyes when Bebe laughed harder. Shaking his head, the Noirette told her, "Bebe, you're a badass, and I respect that, but girls don't make any fucking sense."

"You're a good guy Craig," Bebe responded, her eyes sparkling. "But there are people who you need to focus that good energy on and I'm not really one of them." And there's that not making sense I was just talking about… But Craig only lifted his eyebrows and turned his head to the side, almost smiling at the sound of Bebe giggling.

He was about to move, when a thought occurred to him and he found himself turning back to Bebe, one eyebrow going up as he did so. "I have one question though." Once Bebe's face straightened out, Craig tipped his head up and added, "You know, because I doubt I'll be seeing much of you before the game ends."

Clearing her throat and assuming a more serious expression, Bebe crossed her arms and considered his words before saying, "Only if I get to ask you one in return."

Well, fair's fair. "Fine, but no bullshit. I want an honest answer," Craig countered, before realizing how much of an asshole he was being and amending, "Or, you don't have to answer if you don't want to." When it was clear that Bebe was ready, Craig stuffed his hands into his pockets and stood up straighter. "Clyde." At the name, Bebe let out a soft breath. "Do you like him?" Probably he could have been a bit more clear, but this was Bebe, and she wasn't going to beat around the bush.

Clearly, her gaze steady, Bebe said, "Yes, I do."

"Good," Craig muttered, satisfied. "If he doesn't ask you out after this game is over, tell me and I'll knock some sense into him." That earned him a musical laugh, and an embarrassed flush that only ever appeared on Bebe's cheeks when she was talking about Craig's friend. Heh, finally setting things straight. About time, I'd say.

"Okay, now it's my turn." Bebe's words cut through the light atmosphere, and Craig's face returned to his usual deadpan. For a moment, it looked like the girl was weighing her question, trying to work out if it was a good idea to ask it or not, but finally, she seemed to make up her mind. "What's the most important thing to you?"

Well, Craig didn't have to think about this one. "Tweek." After a moment, he muttered, "But you already knew that." She wanted to ask something else, didn't she? Reaching up and tugging his chullo down over his forehead, Craig continued, "What was it you really wanted to ask?"

Turning her face up to his, Bebe softly said, "Imagine if, when we were making peace, Tweek had been on our side for some reason, and they'd asked you to marry Tweek instead. Would you have?" Craig took a step back at that, and the backs of his legs hit the desk he'd been leaning against. What the fuck? If anyone else had asked it, he probably would have been pissed, but in this classroom, at this moment, with Bebe standing across from him, no malice or ulterior motives in her actions, he… Wasn't.

After a moment of silence, Bebe laughed and said, "It's stupid. I'm stupid. You can just ignore the questi-"

"Yeah, I probably would."

Craig wasn't sure what possessed him to say it, why he'd admitted to something so stupid, but he could almost see it. Especially considering what his relationship with Bebe had involved. If it had been Tweek, he wouldn't have minded at all. Yeah, Tweek was a boy, and Craig wasn't gay, but this was different. Tweek was different.

And sure, he'd put the moment and the question entirely from his mind after this, and he wouldn't remember it for years to come, but thinking clearly as he was, Craig knew that it was true.

Dipping her head, Bebe said, "Just- Don't forget this moment, Craig." Then she turned around and walked towards the classroom door. As her hand touched the knob, she quickly turned and added, "Tweek and the others are probably looking for you, by the way."

Just like that, the entire thing vanished from Craig's mind. Because if Tweek was looking for him, then he clearly had other places to be.

"No, you fucking stole the Stick, Kyle! You stole it from me last night which is entirely against the rules!" Cartman looked like he was going to burst a blood vessel, though honestly when did he not?

"I never touched that Stick Fatass!" Kyle shot back, his face red and his hands clenched into fists. His emerald eyes burned with righteous fury as he stared down Cartman. "You're full of bullshit and everyone knows it!"

"Guys," muttered the exhausted looking gamekeeper from where he sat between the two arguing parties. "Please, enough with the shouting." He was pretty much begging, but Craig didn't blame the boy. Who wanted to be between Cartman and Kyle fighting, after all. "Can we, I don't know, settle this like civilized humans and elves?"

"Oh Jesus-" Tweek whimpered, huddling up beside Craig, his eyes full of worry. "Why won't they s-stop arguing? Why does it even matter? W-we're going to fight over it anyway, why is Cartman -rrr- getting involved in the game so much suddenly?!"

Pulling the blond closer, focusing on his lunch, or at least attempting to, Craig muttered, "Beats me, they're all fucking idiots."

"Craig-" Token started, only to earn an unimpressed look from Craig. That, naturally, didn't stop the black boy for a second. "They're both plenty intelligent actually, they just dislike each other." Tapping the table with a finger, Token suggested, "Kind of like how you don't like Kenny."

"Hmmm? Did I hear someone say my name?" As Kenny slid into the empty spot beside Token, that should have contained Clyde, the sandy-blond laced his fingers under his chin and leaned forward. "Now, the way I see it, it's better to let them argue, instead of actually having to figure out what's going on. Wouldn't you agree Tucker?"

Remembering his own part in the disappearance of the Stick of Truth, Craig furrowed his brows and flipped off Kenny. You already fucking know what happened, don't act like an innocent party when you aren't. True to form, the next words out of his mouth were, "Fuck off, McCormick."

"IT'S NOT LIKE I WANT ANY OF YOUR POWERS!" Kyle's yell interrupted their conversation, and Craig shot the table another look. "You're such a dick Cartman! If I was going to take the Stick, I wouldn't have done it at night! That would be bullshit."

"Didn't stop you last night," Cartman pointed out. "Any time something suspicious happens, there's always a dirty Jew behind it. And the only dirty Jew I know around here isyou Kyle, so I think we all know what happened to the Stick."

"Fuck off," Stan helpfully interjected, before Kyle could start yelling again. "Cartman, we aren't going to break the rules over something this stupid. Trust me, when we get the Stick from you, we're going to make sure everyone knows who won." What a dick, Craig thought, really without a good reason. There was just something about the self-important way Stan talked that irked him.

"Ah- well gee fellas, I think it'd be better if we didn't argue 'bout this no more," Butters suggested, fiddling with his hands. "I mean, it don't really matter how th'Elves got th' Stick, does it? I mean, we just gotta take it back Eric!"

"WE DON'T HAVE THE FUCKING STICK!"

"Please, my ears."

"You know, eventually they'll get tired of this," Kenny commented, rolling his eyes back to the other boys. "What about you three. Getting tired of the game? All the bullshit as Kyle so eloquently puts it?" Craig hated the way that Kenny eyed him at those words, like they had a secret between them. Fuck you Kenny, fuck you for being so goddamn good at this.

Twitching violently from beside Craig, Tweek shrieked, "JESUS OF COURSE!" Yanking on his hair, the blond let out an involuntary growl before hurriedly saying, "It's s-so bad now! I'm tired of it! I'm ready for it to be over, b-but we keep having to play! When is someone going to win?" No one's going to win Tweek, at least not either of them.

But Craig couldn't just say that, so instead he put his hand in Tweek's hair and ruffled it gently till the boy calmed down somewhat. "Beats me," the boy muttered, his voice flat. He felt unbelievably free at the moment, and he knew that logically he wasn't, but he also knew that for the first time in ages, he was free. Free from people telling him what he should and shouldn't do. Free from others nosing into how he acted around Tweek. Actually, Craig was just feeling sort of liberated in general, and it was wonderful.

Shivering again, though not as violently as before, Tweek mumbled, "Ngh- I just wishitwouldbe over!" Shaking his head, the boy looked around before glancing up at Craig with those wide, worried green eyes that shone, even in the shitty cafeteria lighting. "D-do you know where Clyde is?" he asked, twitching as he spoke. "I h-haven't seen him since class, do you think he's -ghn- okay?"

"Come now Tweekers, is it really a good idea to ask questions?" Kenny cooed, wiggling his eyebrows. "Does it matter where Donovan is?"

Glaring at the boy, Craig was about to answer when Token stepped in for him. "I haven't seen Clyde either, Tweek," the boy said, entirely blasé about it. "But I'm sure he's fine." Giving Kenny a sidelong look that was as calculating as it was unimpressed, Token added, "Unless of course, you have information I don't."

"You say it like it's an impossibility!" Kenny protested, leaning back and spreading his hands. "I'll have you know that it should be a certainty, I know everything Token. You don't even come close to knowing the things I do." Craig sense that there was some underlying motive behind the words, but he was too busy calming down the whimpering Tweek to really pick it apart.

"Sometimes," Token said at last, his gaze entirely unflinching. "Having information doesn't mean acting on it." Then he turned back towards his lunch, like this was the end of the conversation. But that was Token for you, and Craig didn't really blame the boy. Kenny was a piece of shit, and the sandy blond knew it.

"I'm hurt," Kenny said, holding a hand over his heart before turning back to Craig and Tweek. The latter twitched and let out a scream that was muffled by the hand he slapped over his mouth. The former flipped him off easily. "So, looks like the two of you have made nice now~ I'm surprised, I thought we'd be dealing with another bout of emotional constipation for sure."

"Fuck off," Craig told the boy, realizing that at some point he was going to sound like a broken record. "It's none of your fucking business what Tweek and I do."

"Oh believe me, I don't want to know what you and Tweeky get up to when no one else is around," Kenny told Craig, in such a way that implied way more than Craig had the energy to deal with. "But I still gotta know, you know?" Laughing, the blond fixed Tweek with a mischievous look and asked, "So Tweeky, feeling any better now, or are you still fit to explode?"

"JESUS WHY ARE YOU EVEN -GHN- ASKING ABOUT THIS?!" Tweek demanded, jerking to the side. "Why are you acting like you c-care?!" Well, Craig had an idea, but he wasn't about to share it. Besides, it was much more entertaining to watch Kenny's face fall dramatically before the boy attempted to turn it into a winning smile once more.

"Because of course I care!" Kenny announced brightly, spreading his arms wide again. "I've just got all this love in my heart and I want to spread it to as many people as possible! It's the right thing to do, after all. I'm all about equal opportunity." Coming from his mouth, it sounds wrong.

Refocusing his attention on the bickering boys a table away from them, Craig watched as Kyle attempted to leap at Cartman only to be stopped by Stan. "Kyle, please, this isn't the time," the raven-haired boy was saying, sounding equal parts pleading and exhausted. "Don't kill him dude, there's too much of him to clean up."

"I'm not putting up with his bullshit anymore!" Kyle yelled, struggling against Stan, who was clearly stronger. Spitting with rage, the boy snapped, "Say it again Cartman! Say some more shit about my mom, because I swear, I will fucking gut you!"

"What, Kyle, do you want me to say some more about how much of a bitch your mom is?" Cartman asked, innocently, much to the apparent dismay of the game master, who slowly let his head fall against the table. "Because your mom, is the biggest bitch in all of South Park."

"I WILL END YOU! MY MOM ISN'T A BITCH!"

"That's nice Kyle, but allow me to remind you of something that we've talked about multiple times," Cartman suggested, as if he found this all horribly amusing. He probably fucking does, Craig thought, tightening his arm around Tweek, just on the off chance that the fatass happened to glance their way. "Before you tell me anything else about how your mom isn't a bitch, consider; Jew opinions don't matter, Kyle."

"Why's that Eric?" Butters asked innocently, tilting his head to the side. His question provoked a long groan from the game keeper.

"Because, Butters," Cartman said wisely. "Not only are they soulless and not Mormon, but Jews are also sneaky, and you just have to watch them, because they'll try and convince you of anything if you let them."

Craig would have listened longer, but he was interupted by Tweek screeching and slamming his forehead against the table repeatedly. "AUGH JESUS -GRRR- JUST S-STOP TALKING!" he screamed, only stopping in his actions when Craig caught him and pulled him closer so that he couldn't continue to attempt to split his head open. "I d-don't want to hear it Kenny!"

"No, but this is the important part Tweekers." Kenny insisted, his eyes wide. "This is where you have to ask yourself, 'Is this dollar really worth it?' and if it is, you gotta go through with it." Shrugging, the boy said, "Not that I would know, but I'm just saying, these are important life skills to have!"

"I don't w-want any of your life skills!" Tweek yelled, squeezing his eyes shut tight and shaking his head. "JESUS IT'S T-TOO MUCH PRESSURE!" Calmly, Craig grabbed for the boy's thermos and pressed it into the blond's trembling fingers. At last Tweek's panic stopped as he spent a minute fiddling with the lid of his coffee valiantly.

"You're disgusting, Kenny," Token said, absolutely sincere.

"What can I say, Token," Kenny said, shrugging. "Not everyone grew up with a silver spoon in their mouth.

"It's sterling silver, actually," Token responded, entirely serious.

"FINE THEN FATASS!" Kyle yelled interupting them yet again. "IF THAT'S THE WAY YOU WANT TO DO IT, THEN FIGHT THE ELVES!"

"Oh yeah?" Cartman shot back his face pulled into a mask of irritation. "Maybe I will Kyle, and once I've beaten you and your stupid Drow Elves, I'll make you give me the Stick back!" Crossing his arms, he added, "Then we'll all see who the real liars are."

"You know what, fuck you!" Kyle fired back. "I'm going to beat you so badly Cartman, you have no idea. I'm sick of this bullshit and I'm sick of you. I'm going to defeat all of your lame-ass human warriors and you're going to fucking tell us all about how you hid the Stick, just to start a war." Huffing loudly, the red-headed boy sat back, finally letting Stan brush up against him protectively, like he was silently threatening Cartman with death if he so much as laid a hand on Kyle at that moment.

"Wait, a -rrr- battle?!" Tweek shrieked, his fingers trembling around his open mug of coffee. "Against all of the Drow Elves at once?! JESUS OH GOD THAT'S SUICIDE!" Quickly reaching his free hand around, Craig caught the boy's drink before it spilled. Gently, he closed it once more before setting it down on the cafeteria table.

"It's going to be okay," Craig insisted, even though he didn't have the slightest clue how this was going to end, considering Clyde had the stick. "I promise, you'll do great."

"Aww, you two are so adorable," Kenny cooed, his eyes glittering. Craig flipped him off, just as Tweek screamed.

"Fine!" Cartman spat at Kyle defiantly, crossing his arms. "We'll fight here, at school, after it's over. And if I win, you're going to give back the Stick and admit to everyone what a weak-ass Jew you are."

"Thank god, something you guys can agree on!" the game moderator exclaimed, throwing his hands into the air as if in silent praise. "Finally! So you're going to have a battle after school? Wonderful. And it'll be official. Which is good. I'm proud of us, we've actually gotten something worked out. Have I mentioned how happy I am that you'reagreeing? You both should try it more often."

Ignoring the boy, Kyle got to his feet and stood on the cafeteria bench so he could yell, "HEY EVERYBODY! THERE'S GOING TO BE A BATTLE TODAY, HUMANS VERSUS THE ELVES! Because someone is hiding the Stick of Truth and saying that we stole it."

Clearly not about to let Kyle have the limelight, Cartman hefted himself onto the cafeteria bench as well and yelled, "YEAH, SO GET READY, BECAUSE WE'RE GOING TO WHIP YOUR DROW-ELF ASSES LATER TODAY!"

As the rest of the cafeteria broke into talking about the game, Craig turned to Tweek, who was already staring up at him with big, trusting eyes. "Hmm?" he asked, raising an eyebrow, ruffling Tweek's hair lightly without even thinking it through.

"Are we gonna get to -rrr- f-fight together?" Tweek asked, his voice soft and hopeful, oh so hopeful. For a moment, Craig couldn't even begin to answer, because he was remembering what Bebe had said, about Tweek being the most important thing to him, and this made him realize just how true it was. But then Tweek twitched horribly and suddenly exclaimed, "OH JESUS F-FORGET I ASKED!"

"I'm going to fight with you Tweek," Craig said, his words cutting through Tweek's tirade in a moment. When Tweek fell silent and stared at him, almost like it was too good to be true, Craig cleared his throat and said, "I'll always fight with you."

"Ngh- g-good," Tweek said firmly, but he still leaned into Craig's side a little more.

Craig for one, couldn't complain a bit.