Craig
Craig hadn't expected Tweek to show up, but fuck, he had.
After gathering everyone and taking them to Clyde's castle, Craig had thought that it was, well, over. He'd done his part, now he just needed to deal with the details until they actually managed to attack Cartman. Clyde had been babbling about green taco sauce and other mildly disturbing things, but Craig had taken a step back and let the sixth graders Clyde had apparently recruited deal with that while he just watched the thing come together.
He hadn't really thought through the fact that Tweek was still at Bebe's house and that meant that he was waiting for the Noirette or possibly wondering where he was. No, that just hadn't really occurred to him.
The whole scene at Clyde's 'fortress of darkness' as he was calling it, was a little baffling to Craig in the first place, if not actively upsetting. The zombies wandering around everywhere certainly didn't help, as did the general evil feeling of the whole damn project. Even though it was just a game, Craig was starting to wonder if at some point Clyde had lost the plot because this didn't feel like a game. It felt like war.
So when he'd finally gotten himself as far away from that as possible, instead of helping William and Chris with the video camera that Clyde had insisted they set up, he'd been satisfied to be away from everything else. Sure there was a vat of that damn alien goo beside him, but the stuff was everywhere, and his mind was full of too many other overpowering thoughts to care. His only real, clear thought, had been taking a moment to reflect how glad he was that Tweek wasn't a part of this.
Bad enough that they were fighting, bad enough that it was dangerous and Clyde was clearly a little bit off, but there were bits of Alien stuff everywhere to boot, and Craig knew that Tweek would freak out if he thought that they were working with anything that had been on that ship. He wanted to say the same thing, but he just kept telling himself that he was doing it for Clyde, and put up with it.
But then Tweek had shown up.
Craig didn't have a clue what was going on until it was way too late to figure out what he was supposed to say. One moment, everything had been going fine, and the next Tweek had been demanding to know what was going on and begging him to stop when it hadn't even been his idea. All Craig could think was that Tweek didn't belong here; not where he could get hurt, not where there was fighting and shady shit that Craig didn't like. He belonged at home, safe, where this stuff could just pass him by without touching him.
But that hadn't happened, had it?
He's fine, it's fine. He's just upset that I left him out, but he'll understand. It's all going to be fine once Clyde wins, or possibly loses, everything will go back to normal. Besides, Tweek doesn't need to be put through any more of this bullshit.
God, he felt sick. Is it wrong that I wanted to go home with him? Is it wrong that I wanted to go to his house and just curl up in bed with him and pretend like the rest of the world didn't exist? Did that make him selfish? Stupid?
"Craig? Craig!" Jerking his head up, Craig found Chris watching him with a raised eyebrow. Beside him was Daniel, who was fiddling with the drone that they'd stolen from the game keepers -with Brandon's help of course- so they could film the thing that Clyde wanted. The former elf was watching Craig with some sort of bemused suspicion that fit him quite well. "You're drifting dude, we need you thinking straight. What did Princess Kenny say?"
Glancing down at his own phone, on which stood out the words [Oh look, Kyle kicked Cartman's ass. Is anyone surprised? They're going to be coming your way soon Fucker, so do what you need to do. I can only be fabulous for so long]Kenny, Craig reflected, texted like he talked, which was impressive because Craig didn't have the patience for that much texting. Or talking, for that matter.
Unless it was Tweek… Shit, Tweek's going to be pissed isn't he? No, Craig wasn't going to think like that. He was doing this for the blond anyway. Him and Clyde, right? Himself too, though that took backseat. Tweek might be upset, but he'd get over it, he'd understand eventually.
Kenny had never said it would be easy.
Flicking his eyes up at the other boys, Craig raised an eyebrow and flatly said, "Well, Kenny's got everything in place on his end, so all we have to do is get Clyde up here."
"He was talking to Bebe, last I saw," Jesse called helpfully from where he and another boy were fiddling with one of the large drums of alien goo. Craig's stomach turned, but he didn't say anything. Why am I letting Clyde do this? Well… It wasn't like he didn't want to see Cartman and Kyle both get what was coming to them after all the bullshit they'd put him and Tweek through. Fuck them, Craig thought, clenching his jaw. Especially that fat fuck.
Suddenly realizing what Jesse had said, Craig swore under his breath. So that's why Tweek was here. Fuck, and I thought that leaving him with Bebe was the best way to keep him from ending up in the middle of this shitstorm. Feeling his mood grow progressively worse, he muttered, "I swear to god, if he's crying somewhere-" which was uncharitable to say the least, but he knew how sensitive Clyde was about Bebe, and if the girl had yelled at him or gotten upset, chances were he'd react badly. Or maybe I'm projecting. He was pretty sure that's what Bebe had called it… Glancing back at the other boys, Craig said, "I'm going to go find him, you guys know what you're doing."
Tossing his phone at Chris, who caught it and gave him a mock salute, Craig swiftly headed back over the precarious bridge that led back to the main body of the castle. As he walked, he glanced over the edge and tried to see where Clyde was, but gave up rather quickly. I still can't believe we're doing this. I still can't believe that Clyde came up with something like this. Except it sort of felt… inevitable. Token would have been able to say it better.
Passing other kids without remark, Craig kept heading down. All around him he saw the formation of an army as the green goo was injected into animals and several hobos, if he wasn't mistaken. It was disturbing, but somehow, he was numb to it. Fuck, I've been doing this for too long. I need things to go back to normal.
Quickly jogging out to the middle level and leaning over the railing so he could see down to the kids on the ground, Craig shouted, "Clyde, get up here!" As his flat monotone carried over them, Clyde, who'd been talking to Jason, quickly looked up. Flipping the boy off, Craig pulled his cape around him and straightened as the boy gave him a thumbs up and vanished into the castle. God I don't want to be here, Craig thought, his teeth grinding together.
As images of Tweek's broken face flashed through his mind, Craig softly groaned. He almost wished he'd tried to at least help the boy understand but he didn't want Tweek to get caught up in this. He didn't want the boy around fucking nazi zombies or green goo or Clyde, who was frankly acting like he'd lost his goddamn mind. All Craig wanted was for Tweek to stay safe. Why was that so fucking hard?
Heh, remember what happened last time you tried to keep him from getting hurt at all. Remember what happened with Stan. Well, yeah, he did remember, but this was different, right? This was bigger. What had Kenny said about the stakes being higher the next time? Craig was pretty sure he hadn't been talking about it in this context, actually, he might have been telling the Noirette not to do this.
But he said that it would hurt. This hurts, and it's what's right, so fuck it, I'm going to do what I think is right. I'm done doing what other people think I should. I've got a fucking spine, so I'm going to act like it.
Attempting to use some of that fire to shake his mind loose from the hold of the thoughts of Tweek that had him so conflicted, Craig opened his eyes to find Clyde striding out of the castle, his face set. It was a reminder that even if Clyde was quite possibly going crazy, he'd still just seen Bebe, and Craig doubted it had gone well.
Taking a breath, Craig briefly asked, "What did Bebe want?" Something flashed in Clyde's eyes, but it vanished a moment later. The Noirette wished the calm look on Clyde's face could actually be reassuring instead of worrying.
"She wanted me to stop," Clyde said, before laughing weakly. "But, well, I can't. And I don't want to. She'll be fine." If Craig had been a more emotionally driven person, he might have asked if the boy was okay, but as it was, they were on a time limit, and he was too drained to be of any help to Clyde. Which was depressing, but true.
Instead, Craig tipped his chin up and gave Clyde a firm look. "We're going to finish this Clyde, we're going to fucking win. Then it'll be over." Please, let it be over with.Thankfully, Clyde nodded and his expression picked back up.
"Of course we are!" Clyde exclaimed, his eyes glassy, but determined. "Now, you ready to do this?"
"Ye p," Craig agreed, tiredly. Ready as I'll ever be anyway.
Following the boy inside as he hurried up towards the throne room, Craig disinterestedly watched several sixth graders attempt to herd a cow into one of the gated pens. It spouted something in German at him, and he flipped it off before it vanished from his field of view. As they walked, Clyde said, "Now, I'm going to play this up for dramatic effect, don't worry, I know what I'm doing, but I've got to make it real, you know?"
It's a game, Craig almost said. How real are we supposed to let this get? Aren't you getting a little ahead of yourself? "Yeah, totally," he agreed passively, his dull eyes wandering. But then, aren't I getting ahead of myself too? Fuck, he needed to stop second guessing himself. What was done, was done. He couldn't change it, and he didn't want to fucking think about it anymore.
Noticing that they were already to the bridge, Craig quickly asked, "Do you have the Stick?" Managing a grin, Clyde pulled it out from under his cape and wiggled it around. With a roll of his eyes, Craig snorted, and Clyde laughed shortly, before Chris Donnelly called them both over, waving emphatically.
"It's now or never. We got the cat like you asked Clyde, dunno what you're going to do with it, but…" The curly haired boy trailed off and shrugged. "Um… Kenny told you to remember what he said. Dunno about what, but I thought you should know." Shaking his head, the boy muttered, "Lady McCormick is weird." Well, he wasn't wrong, Craig thought, as the boy tossed him back his phone.
While they talked, Clyde was getting into position. The other boys who were up there cleared out of the way and Daniel fiddled with the controls of the drone, which he insisted would be much neater than simply taking the video. Craig didn't really care, as long as he didn't have to get involved with the damn thing. Giving his phone one last glance, Craig called over, "Okay, says they're opening the laptop now. Clyde, whenever you're ready."
Grinning, Clyde took off his crown and tucked it behind his back as he held the Stick of Truth up in front of him. This is it, Craig took the time to think as the scene seemed to crystalize in his mind. This is where we stand our ground.
This far and no further. Cartman and Kyle and all the rest could screw with them as long as they wanted, but eventually, they were going to screw them up in return.
Clyde raised the Stick. "Greetings, Humans and Drow Elves of Zaron!" Around him, the other boys fell silent. It was like the entire backyard was tensed, ready for what was to come. Craig just tilted his head up and watched his friend cooly. If this weren't so fucked, I'd say he was made to lead.
Folding his hands behind his back, the boy turned his head and said, "While you have all been busy fighting amongst yourselves-" Craig could almost feel Kenny's smugness through his phone. He didn't even have to look down at his screen to know the boy was texting him about his own ingenuity. "I have built a kingdom beyond your comprehension!" Clyde finished, drawing Craig's attention once more.
"I prayed for a way to destroy you all," Clyde continued, walking towards the drum of Alien goo as the camera followed him. "And the solution came crashing down from the heavens!" I wonder if I should tell him what that stuff is, Craig thought distantly. Probably not…
Grabbing for the ladle that Jesse had helpfully left next to the drum, Clyde carefully measured out some of the green stuff and lifted it over the cat, which indeed had been laid out on the deck. Where Clyde had gotten a dead cat, Craig didn't want to know. "With what I have found," the boy announced. "I shall raise an army of the dead!"
Dramatically, he poured the green goo over the creature, and Craig felt something in him chill as the previously dead cat moaned out a strangled sound before slowly clambering to its paws, fur changing to a green hue. Lifting its paw, the cat yowled and yelled, "Es wird jetzt keine Gnade geben!" in a thick German accent. Though Craig didn't give a fuck about the Germans, he felt his stomach turn. God, why on earth does Clyde think this is a good idea?
Eyes taking on an almost maniacal glow, Clyde put the crown back on his head and sharply advanced on the camera. "I shall raise an entire army of darkness and kill all the Earth!" From the peanut gallery, Daniel shrugged as if this was unsurprising and not at all concerning, while Chris Donnelly literally mouthed Finally. Craig just stared at Clyde in stony silence because fuck, that was a little dramatic.
Shaking some of the mania from his body language, Clyde took a step back and lifted the Stick of Truth once more. "So you see, fools, I control the Stick and the future of the Earth!" The boy was about to continue when a distant voice from the ground interrupted him.
"Clyde, do you want a sandwich?" Clyde's dad yelled from the ground. Chris put a hand over his mouth, probably to stifle laughter, and Daniel facepalmed gently.
Deflating slightly, Clyde looked over the edge of his tower and called back, "Not now dad, I'm making a Ruler of Darkness video!" After a moment of silence, the boy resumed his previous seriousness and faced the camera once more. "Whoever controls the Stick controls the universe." Walking forward, he almost grinned as he continued, "And my first deed is that I hereby denounce the Human and the Elf Kingdoms and strip both kings of all their power!"
From beside Craig, Chris Donnelly pumped the air with his fist and Jesse bounced on the balls of his heels in silent excitement, actually going so far as to hug the former elven, fifth grader beside him, who just sort of rolled with it. While Daniel only showed his enthusiasm with a smile. Craig wished he could react with the same level of zeal, but everything felt grim. Even the victories.
As Clyde cackled madly, his hands in the air and a triumphant expression on his face, Daniel piloted the drone back to his side and said, "And that's a wrap. Good show guys."
Chris Donnelly let out a whoop. "I can't tell you how ready I am to watch them fall apart. I have been waiting since the beginning of this damn thing, and it's finally happening months later." The others shared his sentiment, but Craig just walked over to Clyde, who was breathing heavily and still staring off into the distance with a detached sort of fervor.
"Clyde-" Craig started.
"Did you see that?!" Clyde asked, his voice loud, probably to make up for the unfortunately apparent lack of excitement. "They know how serious I am now! There's no way they can just ignore that. They're going to fight back, but it's not going to work, because we've got all their soldiers."
Craig just nodded, unable to muster even the energy to pretend to be invested. Except you are invested in this bullshit, don't lie to yourself. "Of course we're going to win dude," Craig said, watching as the boy walked over to his throne and sit down, obviously pretending to be a king before his typical bounciness got the better of him and he got up again.
"You know, I think they're going to come here," Clyde said, his eyes alight. "But that's alright, because I've got my dad calling their parents, so they'll all have to leave." Glancing behind him at the other boys, who were still joking around, Clyde told them, "We're probably going to have to fight them tomorrow, but I know you're ready for it. We all are!"
The other kids made various levels of agreement, but Craig's eyes were fixed on Clyde, the exhaustion showing through the boy's smile. Well, we're all tired. He was about to open his mouth and say something, but then Clyde did it for him by looking his direction and walking towards him. "You guys can handle this for now, right?" he asked brightly. "I bet they'll be here soon, but don't worry, we've almost got everything together."
As he passed Craig, the Noirette fell in behind him, silent and tense. He wasn't sure if it was his own nerves anymore or the overwhelming presence of everyone else's. Logically he knew that they weren't all worried about the same things. Most of the other boys were angry, tired, or just bored. They wanted to have one last hurrah before the game was over, but, then there were all of the sixth graders wandering around, they seemed to just be out for blood. And there were the nazi zombies that Clyde kept raising, which Craig knew wasn't going to turn out well.
What really had him worried was Clyde himself and the mixed emotions that just roiled off of him in waves. There was so much behind the boy that was driving him forward, and yet Craig didn't know how to help him or even if he had enough energy to try. All he could really do was support him, but he was starting to wonder if even that much might be the wrong answer. Tweek seemed to think it was. Tweek cared just as much as he did, no matter how much he wanted to throw his history with Clyde up as proof that he knew better.
No, I'm not dragging Tweek into this. Clyde and I will figure this shit out, and then everything will be fine.
"Heh, you know I texted Toke about all of this," Clyde started suddenly, stopping in the middle of the shadowy turret that was the front of his castle. "But he said he was going to stick with Cartman, just not fight. He didn't really want to be a part of this." Well, that sounded like the black boy, definitely. Craig wasn't going to disagree with someone who wanted no part of the shit that had started.
"Can you blame him dude?" Craig asked, raising an eyebrow at Clyde even though the boy wasn't looking at him. "It's a crapshoot, no matter how you look at it."
"We're going to win," Clyde instantly returned, stubbornly, almostly like he refused to believe anything else. Letting out a breath, Craig bowed his head and nodded once.
"Yeah, we probably will," he agreed, crossing his arms because something in him just refused to settle. Keeping his eyes trained on the ground, Craig said, "We have more people than they do, we're more serious than they are, and we have the Stick. We have to win."
"We have to," Clyde echoed, giving lie to the emotions clearly running around in his head. Craig might not have been an expert reader of people like Token was, or a naturally empathetic soul like Bebe, but he knew Clyde, and that was plenty. "We have to beat them Craig, we can't-" He kept tapping his foot, all that nervous energy looking for somewhere to go. "We can't lose. Not anymore."
"What did Bebe say?" Craig asked, his voice flat.
Clyde deflated. "She's really worried about me," he mumbled, walking over to the window and looking out over his fortress before leaning back in and hiding just inside the shadow of the eves. "She doesn't want me getting hurt, or at least, she doesn't want me getting any more hurt than I already am, but I guess I don't care anymore. As long as we can be happy on the other side of things, then it's worth it?"
The end justifies the means, after all. Leaning back against the post in the center of the the room, Craig let out a slow breath and said, "Yeah, it'll be worth it." Staring at the ceiling, unwillingly imagining stars there instead of dark wood, Craig muttered, "I get it though, her being worried. Tweek's worried about me too, I think." Letting his tired eyes drift, remembering when this haze would have been caused by boredom instead of exhaustion, the Noirette admitted, "He told me to just come home, but I can't, right?"
"You can when it's over," Clyde said quickly, trying and failing to sound upbeat. After a second longer however, he brightened and asked, "Hey, do you think Teacup would want to be part of the faction? I mean, I know he was pretty upset earlier, but it was probably just shock. I'm sure if you of all people asked, he'd join right away!" Looking into Clyde's puppy-like eyes, Craig felt a knot tie itself with his intestines.
"No," he said shortly, his tone as clipped and as dead-ended as he could make it. "He's not going to join."
Clyde tilted his head. "Well, I bet if we tried we could convince him. I mean, he hates Cartman as much as we do! And he's super strong, so it'd be nice to have him on our side. Besides, I don't think he'll want to fight back against you." Bouncing on the balls of his feet, Clyde looked outside and admitted, "Well, I don't think he has a phone, but I could find him tomorrow and convince-"
"No, he's not joining," Craig said firmly, his brows drawing together slightly. "Asking him again doesn't matter, he already asked if he could join, and I told him no."
Clyde's expression dropped. "You did?" he asked, shaking his head like he couldn't understand. "But why would you do that? Teacup's our friend, he's your friend, of course he should join! Why on earth would you tell him not to?"
As his own stomach churned, Craig forcefully said, "Because I'm not letting him get into this anymore Clyde, he's had enough of this fucking game, he doesn't need to go through any more of it." He hated putting it like that, he didn't like making it sound like he didn't trust Clyde or something, but that was the truth, and he wasn't sure how else to sugar coat it.
Except Clyde didn't seem to care about potentially being insulted, no, he was clearly getting upset over something else. "Dude, you can't just do that!" he burst out, waving his hands emphatically. "You can't just not let him join because you don't think he should, that's uncool Craig, why the heck would you have done something like that? It's Tweek!"
"Exactly," Craig said flatly, wishing that Clyde would stop looking at him as if he was a bad person for this. "He's Tweek fucking Tweak and he's tired of the game. I'm not going to let him do something like this just because he feels like he has to or some shit."
"Dude, it's a fucking game," Clyde pointed out, his expression hardening. "It's not life or death Craig, if Teacup wants to join because he wants to support me or fight with you or I don't know just not be stuck inside, then he should be allowed to play!" He seemed genuinely upset by this, and Craig couldn't quite work out why. "You don't get to judge people based on what they're thinking Craig, especially when it's over a game."
"But it's not just a game anymore shithead," Craig snapped, his patience wearing thin a whole lot faster than it usually did. "It's gotten a lot more dangerous than a stupid game! There are fucking zombies wandering around Clyde, what part of that sounds like a game? Cartman and Kyle are going to try and kill us tomorrow. I'm not going to let Tweek near something like this when there are so many ways for things to go wrong and leave him hurt."
"Guess what Craig?" Clyde spat right back getting in his friend's face in his fervor. "You don't get to decide that either! You don't get to play this game by your rules, shoving Tweek behind you like he needs protection, because he doesn't! He's not going to get killed Craig, so just let him have some fun. Just let him fight with you! Don't send him away because you think you need to keep him safe."
"I know he can stand up for himself," Craig attempted to say, leaning back slightly from the angered Clyde.
"No, I don't think you do Craig!" Clyde snapped, throwing his hands up in the air and turning away. "I don't think you have a clue that Tweek is something other than a terrified mouse you have to protect. He's not yours Craig, he's his own fucking person, and that means he gets to have feelings and thoughts and desires that don't have to line up with yours!"
"Clyde, no one else gave a shit about him for years!" Craig growled, his monotone growing louder. "And who the fuck are you to tell me what I can and can't do. I don't want Tweek to get hurt, I am not going to let him get hurt if I can stop it. This is a shitty ass game Clyde, and I'm not going to watch that happen-!"
"-Tell me what you said to him Craig!" Clyde all but shouted, his voice cutting through Craig's. His hands were clenched at his sides and his crown had been knocked askew. "Tell me what you said to him when he came and asked, tell me what you-"
"-I TOLD HIM I DIDN'T WANT HIM FIGHTING WITH ME," Craig yelled, drowning out Clyde's furious words. "I told him to go home, I told him that I didn't want him here. Because guess what Clyde, I care about him."
Shaking his head with a distressed and infuriated expression in his eyes, Clyde burst, "You don't get it Craig, you don't get it at all! You think that you need to save Tweek? Well let me tell you something! He doesn't want someone to save him!" Pointing a finger at Craig, eyes blazing, Clyde continued, "Tweek can save himself! And if he can't, then maybe he gets hurt, and maybe you're there to help, but you sure as hell can't tell him that you don't want to fight with him and then claim that you care."
Clenching his jaw, Craig took a step back and lifted his chin. Watching him like he couldn't believe what he was seeing, Clyde's anger dropped and he plaintively beseeched him with, "Craig, Tweek doesn't want a superhero. He doesn't need a perfect angel. He just wants a friend. Sometimes, that's all someone needs." Glancing away, Clyde muttered, "Dude, I don't know if we're going to win. I'm not- I'm not expecting you or anyone else to be perfect. I'm just glad you're here. I don't give a shit about game stats Craig, I care that you're my friend."
Staring at the boy, forcing himself to listen to what the boy was saying, Craig clenched his fists and glared down at the ground. Fuck, I really did screw things up with Tweek.Again. Swearing under his breath, Craig muttered, "Fuck, It's not my fault that I don't want to see him hurt. I know he can fight, but not when the odds are stacked against us like this."
"Sometimes stuff is going to be shit Craig," Clyde said, his voice still upset, but gentler. "You know that." Knowing exactly what the boy was talking about, Craig face dropped into a bitter deadpan. "Odds are never good, but- Hell, I don't know. I'm a kid Craig, I don't know what the future is going to look like, but dude, sometimes we lose, and that's okay? Sometimes things fall apart, and we're going to get hurt, but bruises heal. Other things don't."
Realizing Clyde's words echoed Kenny's, Craig felt his insides clench. It was one thing to have Kenny say it, but this was something deeper. He could see right through Clyde, right down to where the words were coming from. His mom died. My parents treat me like shit sometimes. That stuff doesn't change. It doesn't get better. And if he kept doing this to Tweek, then eventually, he was going to lose the blond for good.
"I just want this to be over," Craig said again, even though he sounded like a broken record. "It's fucking everything up."
Sighing, Clyde agreed, "Yeah, I want it to be done too. Then we can deal with everything else, right?"
"Right," Craig agreed.
From somewhere in the castle, there was a yell of, "They're coming! Everyone into position!" And like that, the spell around Clyde and Craig broke. Shaking off the pain that was still on his face, Clyde gave Craig one last look before stepping forward and leaning out over the edge of the small balcony so he could look down at the ground. Taking up position behind him, just out of view, Craig watched as the back door of the boy's house burst open and several people came rushing out of it.
Letting out a loud laugh, Clyde pulled the Stick of Truth from his belt and waved it at the boys who'd stopped at the base of the castle so they could stare up in horror at his creation. "Come and get it losers!" he shouted, the righteous vindication in his tone almost tangible. Craig had to admit, despite how much he hated this whole thing, the looks of fury on the faces of Cartman and Kyle were a little too good to pass up.
"You can't do that Clyde!" Cartman yelled back, his voice frustrated and whiny. "You're lost in space and time, remember?!" Like that's going to stop us, fatass, Craig thought viciously. He could see Kyle nod along with the boy, clearly all enmity forgotten in the face of a greater enemy. Kenny just smirked, though Craig couldn't actually see the expression. He didn't need to, he could feel it.
"No, I'm not!" Clyde fired back, his chin held high and his chest out in fierce defiance.
"Yeah you are asshole!" Cartman argued.
"Yeah Clyde, give us the Stick of Truth back!" Kyle agreed, his crown lopsided in his anger. "This is total bullshit!"
"Dude, just stop being a dick," Stan agreed, crossing his arms.
"If you don't give it back, we'll fucking take it back from you!" Cartman called, his expression ugly. "Don't think we can't kick your ass!"
Clyde just smirked. "Army of Darkness? Defend the fortress!"
Tipping his chin up, Craig slowly withdrew from the shadows as the other kids in the fortress came out of hiding, quickly making themselves plain along the different balconies and turrets. As the boys at the base of the drawbridge backed up, Craig locked eyes with Cartman and stared at him as if to say Go on, do it, attack us you sack of shit.
Predictably, Cartman seized on that at once. "Craig?" he demanded, his face going from horrified to furious in seconds. Shaking his fists, the boy yelled, "Craig you're on my side!"
Coolly, his voice flat and definitely not in the slightest bit smug, Craig said, "You don't have any authority over me anymore. The keeper of the Stick's in charge, and he said I'm on his side." He wanted to say more, but he held back, attempting to at least look like he didn't find the whole thing deeply satisfying.
"This can't be happening," Kyle said, shaking his head like he couldn't believe it. His eyes were wide with horror as they caught on Chris Donnelly, who was in the turret beside Craig's and waving lazily at his former leader.
Growling, Cartman raged, "GODDAMNIT I HAVE FUCKING AUTHORITAY!" To which Craig did what he'd been wanting to do for way too long. He proudly flipped Cartman off and stared down at him with all the hatred he'd been keeping pent up for months.
Laughing beside him, Clyde spread his hands and called, "Sorry Warriors and Wizards, I'd love to invite you into my fortress of darkness, but-" He shook his head, waving the Stick about carelessly. "I'm afraid you're just too late."
Tilting his head, Stan asked, "Too Late? What'd'ya mean we're too late?"
From the corner of his mouth, Clyde muttered, "Wait for it… And- Now."
"There you are Butters!" Abruptly, Butters parents were bursting in through the gate of Clyde's house, angry expressions on their faces. Pointing at the fearful Paladin, Mr. Stotch snapped, "Do you have any idea what time it is mister?! It is way past your bedtime!"
"Oh shit, it's past our bedtimes?!" Stan yelped, his fearful eyes fixing on Kyle, who jumped half a foot backwards.
"Dude!" the redhead yelped as Butters' parents began to drag their child away and Cartman started to panic. "I'm gonna get it from my mom if I'm late!" With that, Kyle darted towards the gate, Stan hot on his heels.
"Oh god, bedtime!" Cartman yelled, shaking his head. "Princess Kenny run! Before they catch you too!" Then he followed his friends, running through the gate as Clyde laughed, a dark, almost malicious cackle as he watched the other boys run off. Naturally, Kenny took the time to give them all a princessly kiss before leaving, but soon, all of the other kids had left the yard, which brought on a wave of excited cheering from all the kids involved.
"We're going to beat their asses!" Ryan whooped, laughing like mad.
"Did you see the looks on their faces, this is going to be priceless," Chris crooned delightedly, his voice joined by several others.
"This is going to be awesome!" Clyde announced, turning to Craig. "We're going to win, I just know it."
Below, there was a yell of, "Clyde, it's past your bedtime!"
Pausing in his laughter for long enough to yell, "Yeah, coming dad!" Clyde grinned at Craig and said, "Are you ready for the end?"
"Yeah dude," Craig said, feeling better despite the situation. "I fucking am."
