June 2004


She opened her eyes abruptly, fear evident in them. Schemer searched them desperately, looking for a sign of happiness.

"Stacy?" He asked hopefully, but he felt it dying in his chest.

"I… I can't." She looked wildly at him like a caged animal. He let go to give her some space.

"Why?" He asked, no, pleaded.

"Because I just can't!" She cried painfully.

"Please, Stacy, this is a good thing. We are a good thing! We've been through so much, we found each other again." He tried to explain to her, trying to understand why she was so upset. "Can you just please tell me why you can't?"

She took a deep, calming breath, trying to compose herself.

"I can't do marriage, I can't let myself be confined again. I can't give that much of myself to another person again only for it to end. I can't trust like that again." She explained remorsefully. "It has nothing to do with you, please understand that."

Schemer felt what little hope he had left disappear only to be replaced with anger. It always came down to Ned. She couldn't trust him like Ned, she couldn't see herself marrying him but Ned was fine. He was suddenly reminded of the fight they had years ago when Ned returned, and he felt his anger subside. Yelling at each other only ended up with them being estranged for years. It wasn't worth it.

"I'm not Ned." He said simply.

"I know, and thank goodness for that." She agreed. He looked up to meet her eyes, curious about what she meant.

"He left me with trust issues, to say the least." She shrugged, not saying much more on the topic.

"I know you don't want to talk about him, but please know that I would never hurt you Stacy." He pleaded, trying to get through to her.

"But you would lie to me." She looked at him and the truth shook him. It was true, and he had done it recently.

He didn't answer and she sighed in sorrow. "I know why you did it, and I told myself I'd stay by your side despite it, but I can't forget it." She explained.

"I know I messed up, but I promise it's all behind me." He swore to her. "If you stay with me I promise it will never come between us again."

"Schemer, if I stay, I can never get married again. Are you ever going to be truly happy being with someone who was married before but can't marry you? Can you promise that it would never bother you?" She asked him pointedly.

He gapped at the question, she gave a sad smile at his lack of response. "Schemer, I'm going to stay at my sister's for awhile. To get some air and to clear my head."

She turned to go get her things. Tears sprung in his eyes. "Yes, I could. I absolutely could."

She turned around in surprise, with tears also in her eyes.

"Listen, I know you probably need some time to think. And to clear your mind and to get rid of whatever pain that you won't share with me. But I promise you, I would never let you down ever again. Please, just think about us. Can you use, let's say four months, to think about our future and then if you decide to come back I'll be waiting. But if I don't hear from you, I'll assume that you don't want anything and I promise I will never bother you again." He pledged hopefully.

There was a long pause and he felt his heart sink once more until she spoke.

"I can do that."


Lighthouse - Hush Sound