A/N: Through popular demand, our Bullshit King is back.

Enjoy.

Kyle

To say Kyle was tired of the game would be a lie.

Over the months, he'd grown to dearly love it, no matter how pissed it could make him. He got to spend time around his super best friend, and he got to constantly fight Cartman without having to deal with a fallout. This new development, Clyde stealing the Stick of Truth and stripping the rest of them of their titles wasn't some sort of final straw. But it was a new perspective that he'd never thought of before.

So perhaps what he was actually tired of was everyone else being tired of it.

In that respect, the game was crumbling, and he'd sort of accept that it was time for it to die, but letting it end with Clyde winning just sort of felt like bullshit. Or at least, him winning without them fighting back felt like bullshit, which Kyle wasn't about to put up with. Too much of the world ran on bullshit, and this was just one layer of crap too many.

In the end, it wasn't even this situation that had him upset, no Kyle was pissed for an entirely different reason, but it was nice to have something to take that frustration out on.

"You know I don't want to face her."

Yep, there's the bullshit.

Stepping past Stan without looking at him, Kyle flatly said, "Dude, you'll get over it." Wow, cold much? Well sue him, Stan did this all the fucking time, he needed to either get over himself, or stop complaining about it. Part of Kyle really did care, it was Stan of course he cared that he was upset. Even if it was over Wendy breaking up with him, he wasn't entirely heartless. But there came a point where it got to be too much, and this was that moment.

No, actually, the moment had been the night before when he'd thrown a book at one of the underpants gnomes and they'd shrunk him. Strangely enough though, talking to Tweek -of all fucking people- had made it better, but not better enough to deal with more of it. Right now, he just didn't want to focus on it. Stan could be pretty awesome sometimes, and others-

"But it's Wendy, dude, I love her."

-he could be insufferable. Turning, Kyle said, "Look, I know that Stan, but try to think of the bigger picture, please." The redhead would probably never be sure why this in particular got to him, but it did. He'd gotten over his hatred of Wendy and the way she treated Stan, hell, he tolerated it, but whenever she broke up with him, he wanted to throw something at one or both of them. Or perhaps more accurately, he wanted to hit himself with something, because he wished that they'd stay broken up. Then he wouldn't have to deal with this bullshit anymore.

Unfair? Potentially. Did he care? No.

Stan crossed his arms. "I know, we have to save the world. We always have to save the world dude. But why do we have to drag her into it? What if she gets hurt?" It was amazing how quick Stan could go from frustratingly logical to horribly emotional when Wendy became involved. It was, in Kyle's mind, sickening. And also kind of bullshit.

"I'm dragging my brother into this, don't pretend like you're the only one who might lose something," Kyle said, coldly, glaring at his super best friend in annoyance. Which was true, that was the plan. While Cartman had vanished off with Token to recruit the Federation, otherwise known as the largest group of nerds in their school, Kyle had tasked himself and Stan with getting the pirates, who were headed by his own brother Ike. It was necessary, mostly because Kyle figured if he didn't, he'd chance watching them join Clyde, and that was not going to happen.

As the boy before him pulled a face, Kyle's mouth tightened into a line. Out of all the bullshit in the world, it's annoying that his stinks worse than the rest of it. "Look, don't be a bitch about it, once we get the Stick back, you won't have to see her anymore." He wanted to say it'll all be over, but he couldn't be sure about that, so he held his tongue.

Kyle wasn't stupid, and he knew the way the wind was pointed. This was going to be over sooner than later.

"Yeah, alright, whatever," Stan muttered, which was enough for Kyle. Turning around, the boy started forward and almost ran into Kenny, who giggled in a most lady-like way at the flustered look on Kyle's face.

"What's this about Wendy?" the boy tittered, like he didn't already know. Wrinkling his nose at Kenny, Kyle rolled his shoulders and tipped his chin up.

"Nothing," he answered, his eyes narrowed. Kenny only smirked, which was irritating. He hated the feeling like the boy was always attempting to get one step ahead of them, he missed the idiotic blond who'd simply took whatever the world threw at him with an easy grin. The game had changed him, or perhaps, it just let Kyle see what was already there.

Kenny, naturally, knew nothing of Kyle's thoughts, and simply gasped. "Don't tell me that she broke up with Stan again~ It's almost like it's a bad relationship." Well, at least they could agree on one thing.

"Shut up, it's none of your business Kenny," Stan pushed out, the glare evident in his words. Mimicking it, Kyle stared at Kenny irritation. This is such bullshit, we have things we actually have to do, he's just slowing us down.

Unexpectedly, Kenny's princess attitude dropped. "I'm your friend, Stan," the boy said plainly, his glittering blue eyes softening somewhat. Despite the lace and the glitter, Kyle could very easily see the boy beneath, and it instilled in him the savage wish that they could just go back to being friends, however disfunctional the friendship could be. "Of course it's my fucking business." Then the princess attitude returned, and Kenny sing-songed, "You're so silly, both of you, it's a wonder the Elves survived as long as they did~"

"Don't you have something to do?" Kyle asked, disgruntled. Make up your fucking mind Kenny, either be our friend, or be a princess, please stop trying to be both.

With a giggle and a wink, Kenny said, "Oh, always," before waltzing away, leaving Kyle uncomfortable and peeved overall. At least, he decided, they weren't talking about Wendy anymore. That was a relief.

"Where do you think he's going?" Stan asked, as they both watched Kenny disappear through the gate.

Kyle scoffed. "Probably to do something irritating. It's Kenny, what do you expect?" Discarding the matter entirely, deciding that he didn't care enough to stop the Princess, Kyle turned towards Stan and said, "Let's just get this over with."

Nodding, Stan fell into step beside Kyle, his brows still furrowed, but his mind apparently satisfied with Kyle's dismissal. Feeling the boy brush up against his shoulder, Kyle chest expanded, and for the first time that afternoon he was able to take a deep, calming breath. No, things weren't alright, but they would be. Stan was there, and with his friend beside him, there wasn't much that could go horribly wrong.

"So what do you think about the green goo?" Stan asked as they walked down the street, headed towards the train tracks. "I mean, it came from the taco bell, but dude, it's turning people into nazi zombies."

Brows furrowing, Kyle felt a knot of frustration well up in his stomach. "I don't like it, it stinks, but I don't know what to do about it. If we don't defeat Clyde, then we might end up overrun."

"Remember nice and boring?" Stan asked, his eyebrows raising and a slight smirk coming over his face. Snorting, Kyle shook his head, running his fingers through the curls escaping from under his green trapper's hat.

"No Stan, I actually don't. I don't think we've ever had nice and boring before." Chuckling, the redhead tugged on a few strands of his own hair and was unsurprised when Stan nudged his arm with his shoulder, drawing out another laugh. "Dude, one of my earliest memories is of Santa Claus fighting Jesus. Have we ever been normal?"

Stan shook his head, a smile pulling at his tired face. "Nah, but it'd be boring if we were. We'd all be like Craig."

Pulling a face at that, Kyle chuckled. "Eh, him and Tweek aren't all that bad. Tweek's actually pretty interesting once you start talking to him." Thinking back to his conversation with the twitchy blond the night before, Kyle found himself smiling. When Stan gave him a sceptical look, Kyle insisted, "No, Stan, I know it sounds crazy, but I can understand why Craig hangs out around him."

Shaking his head, Stan plainly said, "I think he's insane, but…" He shrugged as they turned down the train tracks and started heading for the park. "That's not necessarily a bad thing." Kyle had to agree, especially when it came to this. If they could use that wild nature to their advantage, then he was going to make sure that they did.

"We'll beat them Stan," Kyle promised, his eyes carefully scanning their surroundings as they got closer to the park. "Clyde's full of bullshit, and I'm sick and tired of those assholes pretending like they know everything." His words earned him a smile from Stan and a burst of resolve in himself. Sure, the world was a shitty place, but if they kept fighting, maybe they'd be able to beat it back.

He had to believe. If not in the other kids, then in himself and in Stan.

As the two of them approached the park, where Kyle knew his brother would be, Stan asked, "So… Do you think Ike's going to actually very helpful?" Raising an eyebrow at the boy, who clearly didn't know his brother if he was actually asking that question, Kyle went back to trying to find the six year old.

"We'll just have to see, won't we?" Kyle said vaguely, furrowing his brows at the distinctive lack of first graders. Usually, his brother and the others who played pirates with him were pretty easy to spot, but right now, the park was eerily silent. There was no one there, just a general heavy silence to the air, almost like they were waiting for something. Almost like-

"HYAH YER TRESPASSING HERE!" Suddenly Kyle was throwing up his staff in an attempt to knock the two small children who'd suddenly leapt out at him off of him. Catching sight of their pirate's swords and getup, Kyle backed up, looking for his brother.

"Wait! We're not trespassing, we're here to speak to Ike!" Kyle insisted, even as he watched another two kids come out from the bushes, surrounding Stan, who was holding his sword in confusion like he wasn't sure if he was supposed to hit them or not.

"Oh yeah, like we're going to believe that!" Aaron piped up, brandishing his cutlass and giving Kyle a fierce glare. "You're here to steal out treasure!"

"What, no!" Stan insisted, dodging out of the way of a girl Kyle vaguely recognized as Sally, who swiped at his shins with her bat. "We don't care about your treasure! We just want to talk to Kyle's broth- OW! What was that for?!"

"You aren't here to speak to him, you're lying!" a kindergartener squeaked, tipping his head back so he could glare at Stan, who was clutching at his knee, which had just been hit with a dirty piece of wood. "We'll make you walk the plank for your insolence!"

"How do you guys even know words like insolence?!" Kyle demanded, exasperated. "Look, we just want to talk to my brother. He'll understand what it's about. We need to ask for help!"

"A likely story!" a boy called out.

"Through them in the brig!" Sally cried, her blond hair waving wildly.

"No," Stan tried again. "Will you just-"

"Silence! Stop it, all of you!" At the sound of that familiar voice, all eyes turned upwards and the other pirates stood at attention. Slowly, from the top of the slide, a dirty faced girl appeared. Zipping down the slide quickly, she drew her sword and approached Kyle and Stan, who turned to face her. "I know you two," she said, her eyes narrowed. "Kyle and Stan." Looking at the other kids, she said, "They're idiots, but Ken says they're alright."

Looking down at the girl, Kyle took a breath and attempted for a smile. "Karen McCormick, I haven't seen you around in a while. How've you been?"

Karen raised an eyebrow. "I've been staying out of your weird games." As the other kids formed a sort of guard around Kyle and Stan but otherwise returned to a more peaceful state, the girl continued, "You're still playing that fantasy game. My brother keeps coming home with bruises all over him because of it." Her eyes narrowed and she pointed her sword at Kyle's throat, causing him to lean back slightly to keep it in view. "You better not have caused any of them. I don't care that you are Ike's brother, I'll hurt you."

"Nope, not my fault," Kyle attempted to reassure the girl, glancing over to Stan who seemed helpless to assist. He just kept giving Kyle a look like it's a kid, what do you want me to do? "I mean, at least not directly, maybe indirectly, but-"

"Come on Kare, you know your brother no matter what happened," a different, saucy voice called from the top of the playground. "You could put him in a room by himself, and he'd still end up black and blue."

"Oh shut up Rubes," Karen muttered, rolling her eyes. "It's not as if your brother is much better. Craig's always getting hurt."

"No, that's not true, my brother's just an asshole," Ruby Tucker informed her friend, sliding down the fireman's pole so she could look over the two fourth graders who'd decided to show up. "So why the hell are they here?" she asked, tossing her strawberry blond hair over her shoulder and giving Karen a skeptical look.

The youngest McCormick shrugged. "Beats me. They said they wanted to talk to Ike." Her voice lowered, and she muttered, "But I doubt it. When do they ever want to play with any of us." Several of the other kids nodded and crossed their arms, clearly in agreement with Karen. Feeling more than a little nervous, Kyle quickly shook his head, only to get a glare from the two girls.

"Look, it's serious, alright, otherwise we wouldn't be here!" he attempted to insist, his eyes wide. All he got in response was a grotesque face from Karen and an eyeroll from Ruby. "Hey, it's my brother, I should get to talk to him if I want to!" the redhead pushed back, frustrated. "Come on, just let me talk to him, I know I'll be able to convince him."

Tipping her head up, Ruby gave Kyle a long look before clearly saying, "My brother wasn't even on your side Kyle, why would I want to be on your side either? Karen's brother is the Princess for the other team. You don't have any leg to stand on here."

"Look, both sides got dissolved," Stan suddenly snapped, crossing his arms and staring down at the girls, clearly unwilling to be cowed by a couple of children, even if he wasn't prepared to hit them. "Another kid made it so there were no more Elves and Humans, so we all joined together. Karen, your brother is on our side right now, and Ruby, your brother is a traitor."

For some reason, Kyle expected Ruby to attack Stan for talking about Craig like that, but the girl just shrugged her shoulders and said, "Well, I always knew my brother was a fucking idiot." Kyle cringed at that kind of language coming out of Ruby's mouth, but otherwise, he was glad that they weren't being murdered.

"Come on Rubes, at least you didn't get any of the stupid genes," Karen consoled, patting her taller friend's arm. Glancing over at Stan and Kyle carefully, the Pirate said, "As for your game, it sucks to suck, but we don't have to help you with any of it." Sticking her tongue out, she said, "Come on Ruby, let's let our crew deal with them, we should-"

"Don't use that bullshit on me, there's going to be a war!" At Kyle's exclamation, both of the girls turned back towards him slowly. "You guys don't get it, Filmore and his crew have already joined the other side. They're going to bring down all of South Park, we need help." He hated acting like this, but if that's what it took to get their attention, then he'd do it.

"Filmore?" Ruby asked, her eyebrows going up.

Karen's hands tightened into fists and she gave a grim sort of grin. "Oh, what I wouldn't give to beat that little shit's face in with a-"

"Calm down Kare, you don't want to become like Kev after all," Ruby reminded her, unruffling the girl's feathers somewhat. "He's only mostly a dick to Ike, and there are much more legal ways to make someone's life miserable."

"Pfft, you sound like my brother," the girl giggled, earning herself a grin from Ruby. Eyeing Kyle, Karen finally said, "If it's true and Filmore's band of pirates joined the other side, then I guess you'll have to talk to Ike."

"Try anything funny and we'll feed you to the sharks," Ruby warned, before beckoning the other Pirates and saying, "Come on, let's lead these two assholes to the Pirate king." With various shouts that sounded vaguely pirate-like, the other kids quickly complied.

As they were herded towards the playground, Stan leaned over and muttered, "Dang, I didn't realize your brother ran his own gang."

"Neither did I," Kyle admitted from the side of his mouth, glad that he and Stan hadn't been separated. It was a little thing, but at least this way he could make sure his brother's friends didn't try anything stupid.

"I guess power just runs in the family," Stan murmured, his voice slightly mocking, but also a little something else that made Kyle shiver and elbow the boy in the stomach, which made him cough on a laugh. "You can't deny it's true Kyle," he insisted, wiggling his eyebrows. "You two are just made to be-"

"There are children around you bastard!" Kyle snapped, his face going red in frustrated embarrassment because of course Stan would say shit like that.

Like the asshole he could be, Stan pulled an entirely innocent face and said, "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"I do," Karen answered, not missing a beat. "Kenny leaves all kinds of books around in his room. I don't know if he ever reads them, but I definitely do." Turning redder at that uncomfortable idea, Kyle stared in alarm at Karen, whose expression hadn't changed a bit. What the fuck Kenny, is this really the kind of bullshit that you let your sister see?

"Look, as long as they don't start stepping on people, I'm not going to stop them," Ruby said, straight faced. As Kyle choked and Stan let out a laugh that earned him a swat from the crimson-faced Elven king, Ruby gave them a weird look and asked, "What?"

"Ignore them Rubes, they're just too innocent for this world," Karen told her friend, linking arms with the girl and pulling her ahead. "I hope you two remember to mind your manners, Ike doesn't have any patience for idiots, even if they are in the shape of his own brother." Kyle rolled his eyes, but he had to admit, he didn't doubt her for a second.

"We'll mind them, as long as he minds his," Kyle commented his tone blase as he was pushed to climb up the back steps of the playground. "If he doesn't, I'll tell Mom, and then he'll really get it."

"Aww come on Kyle, that's not fair!" At the sound of his brother's voice, Kyle's head came up and he found Ike grinning from ear to ear. His pirate hat was askew on his head, and his sword was stuck through a loop of his belt, obviously entirely at ease with the situation. "But you're not actually going to tell mom, because that would be mean."

"We caught them trying to find you," Karen told Ike, her arms crossing and her head tipping up so she could smile at the boy. Ike returned the look, his eyes lighting up brightly as he grinned at Ruby and Karen. "I'm still cool with killing them if-"

"No Kare-bear, it's just Kyle, he's fine," Ike said easily, leaning against the mast of the pirate ship and lacing his fingers behind his head. "So big brother, what brings you to the dread pirate Maplebeard's Hideout?"

Ike was, by birth, Canadian, but other than his big, clear eyes, which were just a little too guileless to be American, and his floppy black hair which looked nothing like the rest of the family, you wouldn't have known it. For as long as he could remember, Kyle and Ike had always gotten along, which was a blessing because the boy was an admitted genius, and the redhead wouldn't have wanted to spend all his mental power circumventing his own brother. As it was, he felt a little out of his depth as he dusted off his robe and stared at the little first graders surrounding them.

"Look, Ike, we need help," Kyle admitted, clenching his hand around his staff and staring at his little brother, trying to convey how serious the situation was. "There's a lot of stuff going on around South Park, and we need to stop it, but we don't have enough people to do it alone. We need you guys."

"The message in a bottle from the Valkyrie fleet said something different!" A little brunette girl piped up, crossing her arms. "They said that you were asking them as well to help, why do we need to help you as well?"

At the mention of the Valkyries, Stan stiffened, and Kyle grit his teeth together hard enough that they creaked. Narrowing her eyes, Ruby swiftly moved closer to Ike and whispered something in his ear, which made him nod slowly, crossing his arms. "You've got a point there Rupy."

"Of course I do," Ruby said, blowing a bubble with her gum and letting it pop loudly.

"What?" Kyle asked, irritated.

"Look, big brother," Ike said, his eyebrows furrowing. "I'd love to help, but it looks like you're going to have plenty of people on your side without me."

"But wait, Filmore-" Stan attempted, before he was cut off by a laugh from Ike.

"Oh, he's horrible alright, but you guys always go and do stupid things and save the world anyway, why do we have to help?" Ike asked, puffing out his cheeks before letting out a long breath. "It kind of doesn't sound that fun. And besides, I don't want any of my crew to get hurt."

"Yeah, looks like we're going to sit this one out," Karen said, moving so she stood at Ike's other side, the perfect show of solidarity. "Tell Ken to not rip his dress, he's a pretty Princess, but he's going to rub all the glitter off."

"Don't beat Craig up too badly," Ruby insisted. "He needs to be reminded that the world isn't all misery sometimes."

"You guys are so full of bullshit!" Kyle exclaimed, throwing his arms in the air, frustrated. "We're just asking for this one little thing. Even the Goths are playing now! How on earth are pirates acting weaker than the Vikings? You guys are pretty much just an evolved version!"

"Wait, did you say the Goths are playing?" Ike asked, his attention suddenly sharp. Looking to Ruby, who's eyes widened in excitement, he asked, "So, like, Firkle and everyone else?"

"Yeah…?" Kyle said slowly, confused.

"And they're actually fighting too, not just smoking and talking about how fucked the world is?" Ruby clarified, nodding as if encouraging him to confirm it. "With weapons, like they're having fun."

"I mean, I don't know if they're having fun but…" Shaking his head, Kyle furrowed his brows and shortly asked, "Why?"

Leaning in to say something to Ike hurriedly into his ear, Karen gave him a grin that was shared by Ruby. "Come on, this is the perfect chance!" Looking between the kids, confused as to what had changed, Kyle crossed his arms in irritation.

"Okay, what did I miss?" Stan asked, before he could. Standing closer to the boy, Kyle nodded and glared at Ike, who just grinned up at him, innocent as ever.

"Nothing!" Ike insisted, his grin stretching his cheeks. "You know what, I think that we will join with you guys! No challenge is too great for MapleBeard after all, not even saving the world."

"Good," Kyle said, confused, but deciding not to argue with it. "I'll see you tonight with your friends Ike. Thank you for this."

"Any time big brother~" Ike insisted, his smile gentling to a sweeter glow rather than a vicious grin. For a moment, Kyle felt a wave relief sweep over him. Because even though he was worried about what was going to happen, and even though things with Stan hadn't gone away, at least he wasn't going to have to face this alone. And that, surprisingly, was relieving.

"Now get out!" Karen suddenly exclaimed, shooing them away. "You're going to attract the attention of the Navy!"

Allowing themselves to be pushed out of the place, Kyle caught Stan's melancholy expression and he nudged the boy's arm. Feeling a stab of pity for him suddenly, remembering how Tweek had acted when he'd thought that Craig had abandoned him, Kyle sighed and said, "Hey, it's going to be okay. You and Wendy will work things out. You guys always do."

Softly, Stan smiled. "Yeah, I'm sure we will."
And even though Kyle wasn't sure that was a good thing, Stan was smiling again, and that was enough for the redhead. Most of the world is bullshit, but at least Stan isn't.

It was the little things, right?